STORY TIME

[Anonymous No.1149203]

Write a premise of a story, we'll rate it 1-10 (1 terrible, 10 excellent) and then post our own.

[SuperFagolee !!iphZi8AQJz5 No.1149217]

okay okay I got this
JFK is the main character. He isn't assassinated (alternate reality type story) and we see what happens in his second term. Well shit hits the fan and America and the world is fucked beyond recognition. MAD and the whole world goes to hell. People live underground like in thirteen monkeys. JFK realizes his mistake so he (with the help of super scientists) goes back in time to assassinate himself to save all of humankind from this the future he came from.

[Anonymous No.1149225]

Premise:
1939 - 1950 set in Virginia. Young male (19) meets young female (20). They fall in love. Female is studying at UVA, male goes off to war in Europe. Male tells female to see other people, no use in waiting for him. Female writes to male that she is pregnant. Female waits for Male (she loves in that much). Male dies in Europe on June 6,1944 (101st). Female becomes a top politician of VA, helps to create a memorial for D-Day vets and passes her story to her grandkids.

[Anonymous No.1149230]

>>1149217
Possibly interesting 6/10

[SuperFagolee !!iphZi8AQJz5 No.1149232]

>>1149225
Cool picture! Thank you...

[Anonymous No.1149233]

Hey /lit/, how does everyone pronounce 'premise'?

Is it 'pree-myze' or 'preh-miss'

[Anonymous No.1149237]

Rosie Grosso's move to Forks, a small, perpetually rainy town in Washington, could have been the most boring move she ever made. But once she meets the mysterious and alluring Jason Mullen, Rosie's life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. Up until now, Jason has managed to keep his identity a secret in the small community he lives in, but now nobody is safe, especially Rosie, the person Jason holds most dear.

[Anonymous No.1149243]

>>1149237
I'd read it. 6/10

[Mogwai The Mogwai !!/YwS53Ipga4 No.1149252]

Set in 2011, In USA..
He was raped by his sister.

[Anonymous No.1149253]

>>1149243
Really? I just copied and pasted the first Twilight book blurb and changed the names. You're fucking gay.

[Anonymous No.1149255]

About an investigative reporter that investigates the mysterious disappearances of animal, and small children in a rural town in TN. Reports from local is that men in suits are showing up in town. Some act very strangely (e.g. do not use forks to eat , act as if they never seen a fork before. Talk in a monotonous voice and act very proper.) Some of these men have been seen in pairs walking around the blocks. Other report seeing large red eyes outside their windows at night. The locals start to act very bizarre. The reporter ends up missing, but his notes are left behind up until the point.

[Anonymous No.1149259]

>>1149253
Never read/seen twilight. Who is gay now? U MAD?

[Anonymous No.1149263]

>>1149253
I was just going to post this, I went trough googling what the backside of a book was called in english only to google twilight blurb, come up with this

>When Isabella Swan moves to the gllomy town of Forkes and meets the mysterious, alluring Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. With his porcelain skin, golden eyes, mesmerizing voice, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistable and inpenetrable. Up until now, he has managed to keep his true identity hidden but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret.

and then refresh and see you responded

:(

[SuperFagolee !!iphZi8AQJz5 No.1149264]

>>1149252
hmmm
7.3

Did he enjoy it?

[Anonymous No.1149268]

>>1149259
Me neither, but maybe you should now that you thought the premise was good

[Anonymous No.1149275]

About a man that kills his wife. He gets away with it. 25 years later he is living a new life, with a new wife. His former wife starts to show up where ever he is. When he is laying in bed, when he looks in the mirror, where ever he goes. He goes insane, and kills himself in the end.

[Mogwai The Mogwai !!/YwS53Ipga4 No.1149276]

He enjoyed it at 1st.. but then her scissor vagina chopped off his cock.

[Anonymous No.1149280]

>>1149276
0/10

>>1149225
7/10

>>1149237
0/10

>>1149255
7/10

[Anonymous No.1149295]

people create a time machine, they go back in time to 8000 BC Sumerian time period. Discover that they are quite technologically advance. More so than modern times. Main character tries to take some of the Sumerians with him to 2010. Instead they are trapped in a strange unknown time period where it is desolate, a place where war has wiped out most of mankind. People live in caves and wild animals kill people. Their machine is damaged and it is a race against 'time' (har har) to fix it.

[SuperFagolee !!iphZi8AQJz5 No.1149298]

>>1149276
lol sex is evil

[Anonymous No.1149310]

Italy sinks, like Atlantis (Italiantis? Itlantis?) in 120 CE.

The rest is an archaeological/alt-history thriller to prove that Italy did exist.

[Anonymous No.1149323]

>>1149295

8000 B.C. is long before the Sumerians.

other than that, I guess I don't really get why the Sumerians are involved at all if they're not actually portrayed historically, and it's in some unknown time period anyway. It seems random to me.

[Anonymous No.1149336]

Woman gives birth to a dragon.

[Anonymous No.1149346]

I've made these maps, always thought they were worth at least a short story or two.

[Anonymous No.1149348]

[Anonymous No.1149352]

[Anonymous No.1149361]

Space ship, generation ship type... People have massively extended life range, but not much to do (not a super gigantic ship) slowly go insane, incest and the like etc etc inane shit happens deep in space the end.

[Anonymous No.1149365]

A world where magic can't be practiced without a license. A disgraced magician who's had his license revoked is working in a traveling show as a stage magician, using the real magic that he learned but is barred from practicing. A sherrif hellbent on tracking down and executing unlicensed magicians tracks him down across the land and is constantly outwitted.

[OP No.1149367]

>>1149361

Toys in the Attic

Fuck you and get out.

[Anonymous No.1149372]

>>1149367
Wat?

[Anonymous No.1149379]

A ten year old boy finds out that his mother and grandmother are the same person, and his father is also his brother.
He spends a shitload of time brooding over how fucked up his family's gene pool is going to be after he has sex with a woman that he finds out is his aunt.

[Anonymous No.1149389]

>>1149367

That's quite a stretch

[Anonymous No.1149394]

On the night of a murder by poison in a gay club, a guy in that same club club takes a piece of shit out of a toilet in the bathroom, takes it home and freezes it in his refrigerator to use as an ass-dildo. What he doesn't realize is that the man whose shit that was was the man who was murdered that same night. The ghost comes back to haunt him every time he masturbates with the piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.1149395]

Perimadeia is the famed Triple City and the mercantile capital of the known world. Behind its allegedly impregnable walls, everything is available--including information that will allow its enemies to plan one of the most devastating sieges of all time. The man called upon to defend Perimadeia is Bardas Loredan, a fencer-at-law, weary of his work and the world. For Loredan is one of the surviving members of Maxen's Pitchfork, the legendary band of soldiers who waged war on the Plains tribes, rendering an attack on Perimadeia impossible. Until now, that is. But Loredan has problems of his own. In a city where court cases are settled by lawyers arguing with swords not words, enemies are all too easily made. And by winning one particular case, Loredan has unwittingly become the target of a young woman bent on revenge. The last thing he needs is the responsibility of saving a city.

[Anonymous No.1149402]

A bunch of people are sent to a subterranean penal colony for various reasons (one is a traitor, another is a sex criminal, another was a prostitute, etc.)
While there they plot their return to the surface so they can assassinate the official who ordered them sent there.

[Anonymous No.1149403]

3.4/10

[Anonymous No.1149432]

In the novel's future world, North America is one state comprising the United States, Canada, and Mexico, known as the Organization of North American Nations (O.N.A.N.). Corporations purchase naming rights to each calendar year, eliminating traditional numerical designations, with most of the book's action taking place in The Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment (Y.D.A.U). Much of what used to be the northeastern United States and southeastern Canada has become a hazardous waste dump known as the "Great Concavity" to Americans and as the "Great Convexity" to Canadians.

[Anonymous No.1149440]

>>1149432
That's stupid, how the fuck would one government in this day and age function over that amount of area without EXTENSIVE regional divisions? How the fuck would people keep track of years and months if their names kept changing all the damn time? This is the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

[Anonymous No.1149465]

people get infected by tapeworms.

>>1149387

i already wrote it.

http://pastebin.com/F7Jb6vbA

[Anonymous No.1149632]

>>1149465
coooooll

[Anonymous No.1149987]

>>1149432
>>1149440

Samefag

[Anonymous No.1149999]

>>1149432

Fuck, I have eight hundred pages to go on that.

[Anonymous No.1150030]

It is roughly year 3000, no flying cars, no interstellar space travel, no colonies outside of earths atmosphere. The world is becoming over populated, some natural resources are running low or are gone (no fossil fuel) and pretty much every world government is corrupt to the extreme (think 1984, or Fahrenheit 451 but with more corporate influences)

countries compete funded for resources resulting in wars which results in arms races. one such "arms race" is to create the perfect solider, strong, fast, tactical, loyal, obeys with question, kills with out remorse, etc, typical super solider. the creation of this super solider experimentation is done primarily through genetic manipulation and gene therapy. One such "solider lab" in the USA focuses on creating a super solider by combining human and animal genomes, and uses gene therapy to force physical and mental maturation in a short amount of time (aged 20 in 8 - 12 years). the story follows the lives of some of these soldiers to be as they live and are trained with in the "lab". eventually they escape and the story continues with their fight to hold onto their new found freedom and their lives

[Anonymous No.1150046]

>>1149440
I think what he means is that instead of "1992" We have "The Year of Hasbro", or instead of "2003", we have "Pepsi Presents Year Classic".

For a long time the Romans kept track of years according to what officials were in office during them,. Non-numeric calendar notation isn't especially unfeasible.

Also, I think that the "one state" thing is saying they're all a single political entity. The North American Union was achieved with a different name.

[Anonymous No.1150069]

bump

[Anonymous No.1150095]

A dwarf bard travel thought country side. The Dwarf watch as two nations fought. He sang the event and now hunted by his old nation because it was actually there fault and they want to change history so they look like the good guys.

[Anonymous No.1150603]

The locals of planet Zeno are descendants of colonists who arrived during the "first wave", the first wave was the wave of pre FTL colonists who arrived on large but slow colony ships. These colonists were anarchists, they created a decentralized confederation of libertarian communes and villages. Then came the humans of the "second wave" after the invention of the strange matter reaction jump drive. These are the vanguards of the "Terran council of colonial affairs". Earthgov's major policy and goal is to integrate the colonies into the greater Earth federation and to get them to accept new waves of colonists. At first the Zenoans are friendly and open with the second wavers, but many of the large corporations who arrive with the second wavers begin to not only create large cities and industrial centers, but to heavily exploit the planetary resources and encroach on the Zenoan communal land. War breaks out and the Terran Marines crush major resistance in a a few months with extensive orbital bombardment. The war now shifts to a low intensity guerrilla war fought by anarchist guerrillas in inhabiting the large mountain ranges and jungles of Zeno. The anarchist communities of the pre second wave era are allowed to keep their systems of government but they are fenced into autonomous regions overseen by the TCCA. A massive propaganda program is begun by the TCCA, toting the great improvements which will come with Terran rule, the "winning hearts and minds" campaign includes the building of malls, parks and stadiums. Meanwhile propaganda back at earth show the Zenoans as backward, terrorists and their society as chaotic. Main character is a journalist coming to cover the war, he becomes embedded with the anarchist Durruti Column in the Zomian mountains.

[Anonymous No.1150613]

>>1150030
Take the year 2500 max, 3000 is way too far away. (the earth is already overpopulated)

[Anonymous No.1150614]

>>1150030
>>1150613
I really like it though
8/10

[TyBrax !WvWWh.l.CE No.1150616]

ma life

please to 1 decimal point.

[Anonymous No.1150640]

>>1149395
>>1149395

only interesting thing in this thread (besides those beautiful maps! check out http://bigthink.com/blogs/strange-maps ) is the fencer-at-law thing. how do the judges and the rest of the structure of the legal system intervene in a sword duel to ensure a fair verdict?

[Anonymous No.1150669]

A man time travels into the future of the world, and sees the apocalypse. In the process of returning to the present, he is turned into steel by a magnetic field. He is rendered mute, unable verbally to warn people of his time of the impending destruction. His attempts to communicate are ignored and mocked. This causes him to become angry, and have his revenge on mankind, causing the destruction seen in his vision.

[Anonymous No.1152091]

BUMP

[Anonymous No.1152129]

Set 500-700 years in the future.

A conglomeration of alien species misreads their religious texts and declare a holy war on humanity and their empire, using technology from an even more ancient, extinct alien civilization. Humanity's only hope of survival against the superior technology of the aliens is a group of elite supersoldiers wearing power armor. The whole time, both factions need to fend off a race of parasitic life forms that seek to end all sentient life in the galaxy.

[Anonymous No.1152135]

A man writes a short story and the more that he writes the slower that time progresses

[Anonymous No.1152777]

>>1152135
maybe want

[Anonymous No.1152786]

It's halloween. A dinosaur and his amphibian friends decide to rob a bank at the banks' corporate building hq. Turns out there's another dinosaur in the building that's actually a cop. While the bad dinosaur takes all of the party guests (who are cavemen) as hostages, the cop dinosaur is conflicted; Should he save the hostages or succumb to his primeval instincts and devour the hostages.

[Anonymous No.1152798]

>>1152129

[Anonymous No.1152809]

>>1152129
Nice job on da Halo.

0/10, no effort.

A soldier in the future is travels to a galaxy far from ours. Upon arrival he meets a tribe of creatures that walk upon two legs and look like cheetahs. After traveling to their main city, something like a futuristic Geeza/Egypt, he meets their queen. Wearing a garb similar to that aligned with Cleopatra, she is alluring and finds a large interest in the man, and sets out with him on a quest. Traveling out to an ancient pyramid ruin, they are met with traps, gargoyles and meet a different hostile alien race. They meet with a frozen member of the race who once maintained the pyramid, once a ship traveling in space that crashed, who belongs to another race similar to that of the cheetahs but looking like a lion.Idk, got bored now.
The cheetah queen and lion dude have energy swords and blah blah blah...idk, stuck there.

[Anonymous No.1152814]

>>1150030
so it's metal gear with a twist?


bumping old thread, deal with it.

[Anonymous No.1152827]

>>1152814
1/10

An unsuccessful real estate agent, and a retired professional killer become neighbors, and the hitman teaches the Agent how to kill for money. Hilarity ensues, imagine Leon the professional but with a balding 30 year old man.

[Anonymous No.1152832]

>>1152827
so it's like the sequel to the movie "the whole nine yards"?

[Anonymous No.1152833]

>>1152832

[Anonymous No.1152834]

Jonathon Tombes wakes up in strange surroundings, his wife the victim of murder and he was shot defending her. He is stuck between the loving and the dead, wagering for his soul. The ferryman will drag him into the depths of hell if he cannot complete a small challenge. He is given a head start while a large bat creature rises from the earth. It attacks as he runs into the woods with only a spear, twine and a handfulI and some twine to kill the beast.

[Anonymous No.1152836]

>>1152834

Alan Wake + The divine Comedy ?

[Anonymous No.1152852]

>>1152832
OH FUCK, THATS WHY THAT PLOT SOUNDED FAMILIAR IN MY HEAD.

[Anonymous No.1152857]

During the 1800's there is a young detective and his adopted son who travel around the globe investigating and battling creatures of the supernatural kind. Their services range from catching serial killers to hunting down hordes of werewolves and witches.

[Anonymous No.1152868]

>>1152836
Yeah pretty much the look of Alan Wake. And an epic type feeling to the events. It's very detailed but interesting. As the story progresses the wound he has becomes grossly infected and causes him great pain. The infection only subsides once he has defeated the creature. It ends with him waking up upon a bed being told he has been feverish for a week and he is only now coming out of it now that his infection miraculously has gone.

[Anonymous No.1152874]

>>1152868

It's not a lake.

IT'S AN OCEAN.

[Anonymous No.1152887]

Rockabilly Apocalypse-
The world as we know it is gone. It was some time back in the 50’s when nuclear war broke out between the nations resulting in catastrophic events. Most the world was effected by the blast and now the only rules are: kill or be killed.
A young man who managed to survive the blast has grown up, hidden in the house once owned by his family. He defends it at night along with his fiancee while scavenging during the day. Everything seems fine until a gang that has taken or destroyed much of the town that is left find out about the man’s hideout forcing him to kill one member of the gang. They leave for now but soon come back ready to draw blood. The man has to leave the hope of building a normal life behind and tries to escape the brutal hotrod gang that hunt him down.

[Anonymous No.1152900]

A man falls in love with a woman he sees in an advertisment, obsesses completely about her. He sends her letters and packages every week, selling his belonging to afford lavish gifts. He finally gets a reply back from the woman and he flies her in. The model is now pregnant, has become a destitute drug addict and they begin to live together. She hates him for being poor and ugly and he continues to fall more in love with her. What little money he has he gives to her for her drugs and she won't let him touch her. Eventually she gives birth and leaves him with the baby.

[Anonymous No.1152908]

>>1152900
Wow could it get any happier? Seriously with an end like that I think it would be perfect for Disney.

[Anonymous No.1152912]

A cynical soldier who hates the military and government volunteers to go to Afghanistan because he is going through a divorce, can't afford anything and hates life in general. Very introverted and stubborn.

He ends up being engaged in an intense fire fight during a presence patrol. While clearing a house he ends up getting into a vicious hand to hand fight with a fighter.

The two are evenly matched and begin beating each other pretty relentlessly while their comrades continue to fight each other. The two continue to move through the building as they are trying to use different methods to kill each other. They eventually end up exhausted, while grappling they roll through a pool of blood only to discover that fighters representing both of their factions of been eviscerated. The two, still locked together, see creatures that are the size of a baboon and even move like them, but are skinless with muscle showing and rows of sharp teeth. The story revolves around the two working together to get out of the city as these creatures as well as others begin to flood the city from an unknown location. Think Resident Evil meets Enemy Mine, only there are no aliens and the language barrier isn't so hard to overcome.

[Anonymous No.1152916]

This is a comic I am writing, since it never came to fruition as a novel, but meh. The synopsis might sound silly though.

Soooo there is a guy who has had chronic insomnia his whole life and nothing really helps. During a particularly bad patch he meets an entity that offers him sleep in hours if he completes contracts for him. They start off innocently enough, but soon grow to him committing crimes in escalating severity just to get paid in sleep. The idea is that he has to commit crimes and murder people and whatnot in order to be able to sleep, which leads him to consider that maybe there is no sleep demon thing and he just has a massive psychotic disorder whereby he cant sleep without killing.

Anyway, then it has a big plot 'twist' that is hugely unacceptable in a novel, which is where the accepted ridiculousness of the comic format comes in. Yup.

[Anonymous No.1152921]

>>1152916
Elaborate more on the plot twist.

[Anonymous No.1152924]

For at least 10,000 years, humanity has been living in a long tube with the diameter of a large asteroid, its length unknown and growing. The main character grew up on a desert planet mined for its minerals, right at the tail end of the Tube. After the death of his mother and the tube leaving the planet, he resolves to journey to the very front, if there is even such a thing.

That's the main plotline, there are also side stories about the life of the inhabitants to show how human culture evolves to reflect its long isolation and the feeling of having no "home" in the universe.

[Anonymous No.1152929]

>>1152908
Is this intended as sarcasm?
Just because he has the baby doesn't mean he particularly wants it (a constant reminder of the woman who left him) and he has lost all of his money, the woman abandonned him...

[Anonymous No.1152934]

>>1152916
Yeah so is he crazy or not? And do it. Who gives a shit. A good story is a good story no matter the medium.

[Anonymous No.1152935]

>>1152916
So, you mean the plot of the movie The Machinist?

[Anonymous No.1152940]

>>1152929
Yes. that is the most depressing thing Ive ever read. I just about hung myself. if you want the pitch to be interesting to people you need to put in more feeling. like you said its a reminder of his hard times. but you stated the pitch so plainly that its just a guy getting shit on by a woman with no point to the story.

[Anonymous No.1152941]

A man in a white suite enters a pseudo-Latin American city with the Venetian quality of being built around a series of canals, though because this is South America, there’s less marble and more mud. He hails a river taxi and gives the driver the address of a sleazy bar on the dangerous side of town. The river taxi driver tries to see if the man speaks any of the local lingo, but the man in white remains quite, so the driver assumes he doesn’t. He asks him a few questions before telling him in the local lingo that foreigners like him end up dead and floating down a canal by the end of the day.
They reach the bar, where the man in the white suit thanks the taxi driver curtly in his own language before stepping off. Inside the nearly empty bar, a crackly radio is playing guitar music, and the man white meets the prerequisite shadowy figure obscured by cheap cigarette smoke. It is obvious an exchange is being made when the man in white pulls of out two wads of cash from inside his jacket. The shadowy figure indicates that this is not enough, and the man in white proffers a briefcase revealed to be filled with money. The shadowy figure still indicates, without saying a word, that this is not enough, and the man in white relents, pushing over a small cloth bag filled with diamonds. In return, the in the shadows smiles, revealing cigarette stained teeth, and places a small wooden box on the table, which the man in white quickly snatches up. He leaves, but not before the figure in the shadows comments that his kind will not even know what to do with the artifact.
Other things I may want to fit into this story are: a commander of a paramilitary like police force, tasked with hunting down dissidents in the aforementioned city, and outfitted with hi-tech weapons and scary gasmasks; a tall French man in a top hat, who summons insectoid demons from amber jewels to search a swamp for someone.

[Anonymous No.1152946]

>>1152921

Haha okay... It's not as blunt as this, but basically he has been in training to become the new Death, as the old one died or retired or something. I havent even written this bit yet, but it does kind of make sense in the context of the story.

Also, i'm working on another where death row inmates are taken and experimented on and augmented with machinery and stuff, so that they can be utilised as biological weapons in the Iraq war. They aren't deployed so much as airdropped in and let loose, but I have some pretty weird ideas for characters that should fill it out.

[Anonymous No.1152947]

>>1152924

Didn't Greg Bear already write this?

[Anonymous No.1152950]

>>1152924
What? is it a ship? becuase im imagining a big fucking glass of milk floating through space. or a thing that looks like a glass dildo and they just like inside. And how is it growing if its a real object?

[Anonymous No.1152954]

>>1152940
But he got the only thing he ever wanted, which was to be with this woman. To the reader it may be a terrible relationship but not to him. He has that memory to cling to for the rest of his life and he's not alone. Being with the child is bittersweet because it's like being with her and even though it can be painful he loves it.

[Anonymous No.1152957]

>>1152946
Y mix hardscifi with fantastic realism?

It's like ketchup and peanut butter- separate, they're great, together: bleh!

Other than that, sounds interesting. I don't see why it wouldn't work in novel format from your description though

[Anonymous No.1152962]

>>1152950
think of a long-ass pipe. You can't see the end. it might be light-years long, it might stretch across different star systems.

> And how is it growing if its a real object?
god damn it, it's not that hard, just put more shit in the front!

[Anonymous No.1152969]

>>1152912
This could work if you don't make it fantasy related. What you have going for you is the original Resident Evil canon is relatively unheard of and has been completely raped by all of the games past the ps1 generation and double buttfucked by a bunch of wild niggers raped by the movies.

[Anonymous No.1152973]

>>1152954
thats not how you described it at all and that doesnt sound good either. not because its not good but because i would never watch someone simply suffer and get nothing but a miserable child that is not his. its just not going to work for me. and you said he doesnt get her. its not like forrest gump and he gets her then she dies and he has their kid. he never has her, she just uses him, she treats him horribley and then dumps someone elses child on him.

there needs to a satisfying moments in it. as of right now it sounds like a story of obsession that ends wrong for him but the character is moronic to deal with what you said bc of love. the woman doesnt care and never will and if she never has a conflict with him dealing with their relationship or sex or the child then it would fall flat on its face.

[Anonymous No.1152978]

>>1152969
Thanks I appreciate it. I am still brainstorming ideas for the origin of the creatures, at this point I had focused more on the interaction between the protagonist and his supporting character.

The man that he was fighting viciously was not a local but an ex Syrian nationalist who had defected and lived solely for collecting the bounties on Americans. His affiliations to anti western organizations in the area were for the sole sake of making money by fighting, which is basically what his American counterpart was doing. The circumstances as well as the similarity in personality profile make it easy for the two to bond.

[Anonymous No.1152987]

>>1152973
He's mentally unstable, not moronic. Personally I think hearing things from the viewpoint of someone whose not quite sane is always more interesting. Maybe it sounds depressing but do you know how many people are in relationships to get something from someone else or because they don't think they can do better? It's true to life. And it's not all dark, think of it as bittersweet. Also obviously they are going to interact and their will be conflict and I don't think there needs to be sex to make a novel worth reading.

[Anonymous No.1153009]

>>1152987
then its not a relationship. you said she dispises him and you basically said she treats him like shit and ignores him soo... then this is not a relationship and you either need to write a good story or write a good description. because you have described this a bunch of times and each one is completely differant than the others. are they in a relationship or not? and does she hate him or do they have a crappy relationsdhip? and sex would be good to have because not many people would stay without being treated nicely or with great sex. it just doesnt happen... is this an autobiography? are you the moron in the story? you said hes a moron right?

[Anonymous No.1153013]

these two countries go to war and there's a lot of politics and killing in the meantime.

[Anonymous No.1153022]

>>1153009
There is no need to get rude. I have explained this. The man is in love with her, he is mentally ill as I would have assumed was obviously from the fact that he was selling all of his objects to buy her things. She is in poor circumstances and sees him as a way out. He doesn't see it this way. This happens all the time in real relationships, where one person sees it as love and the other as convience. And no, it's never happened to me. She won't have sex with him but he loves her anyway, this shows their divide in how they each see the relationship. Also, he isn't a moron as I clearly said, he's mentally ill. It's not that complicated. I can't believe I had to explain this so many times, it's supposed to be a PREMISE of a story, not all of the details are supposed to be worked out.

[Anonymous No.1153045]

>>1153009
Holy shit, you're an idiot.

[Anonymous No.1153049]

A space-faring man in an ornate future crash-lands on a desolate planet. He awakes from his long sleep, dons his suit and clambers out of the wrecked ship to find that the entire surface of the planet observable from his crash site is covered with twenty-meter deep grooves, steeply sided but surmountable and separated by centimeter-wide lips. The grooves appear to be radiating from a faraway fleck of silver on the horizon. He begins traveling up a groove toward the fleck, and as he gets nearer and nearer he comes upon strange, grotesque debris. He deduces that the grooves must be a means of conveying waste material away from what he now assumes is a city inhabited by an alien civilization. As he continues his trek he becomes more and more disturbed by the waste and begins to fear whatever is producing it. He sits in indecision in the groove for days, knowing there's nothing for back at ship: but too afraid to venture on. Something ejects from the dome, and begins to lowly hover toward him. The aliens turn out to be an advanced race of human beings in the midst of a civil war within their city-state in the dome. The waste he had seen was the remnants of combatants maimed by future weapons, and periodically flushed out of the city to prevent disease. Eh, that's sketchy as balls but fuck it. The dome is huge, too. And maybe he shouldn't see it right at the beginning. And maybe he should narrowly escape a purge by climbing up onto a lip.

[Anonymous No.1153057]

>>1153049
I think it definitely has potential but I also think I remember a Twilight Zone episode that was really similar to that

[Anonymous No.1153058]

>>1153057
Really? Shit. I thought I was being original.

[Anonymous No.1153062]

>>1153058
I could be wrong and anyway, no one would mind. Pretty much the majority of modern horror or sci-fi films are taken from the plots of old Twilight Zone episodes and no one seems to care.

[Anonymous No.1153070]

>>1153049
I would also have to explain away why the don't just burn the bodies, but that's done easily enough. Maybe the disease is caused by an extremophile micro-organism that would survive incineration or some shit.

[Anonymous No.1153077]

it's innovative and there's some potentially ground-breaking stuff there but I don't think it will fit

[Anonymous No.1153084]

Distant future;

Human have imigrated across the universe, the thousands of different planets and their habitats have made break away species of the original homo sapien, wars erupt for dominance.

Heavy gravity planets create super human beings by our standards, massive muscles.

Elements and radiation exposure mess with original human DNA, each with their own sort of traits.

[Anonymous No.1153087]

Set in the Year 2045. The world’s oil supply has almost depleted. Economies worldwide are crashing; the world has sunk into a recession that rivals the great depression. When 250 billion litres of crude oil is discovered deep beneath the surface of L.A, the United States Government is eager for drilling.

The people of L.A believe that the Oil is rightfully theirs. And efforts are made to distich California from the US. The United States government believes that the Oil should be drilled under the government and sold to industries, to fuel production and kick-start the economy. The corporations and lobbyists believe that the right for drilling should be sold to the highest bidder, arguing that America is a free market. While the People’s Republic of China offers the Californian state government full property of their oil, as long as L.A becomes a province of China.
The story follows all 4 parties, and their efforts to undermine each other for the last scrap of wealth left on the planet.

[Anonymous No.1153090]

>>1152912
Sounds really cool, 9/10.

Pic is synopsis.

[Anonymous No.1153136]

Several people in a populated area are killed by a sniper; the story follows the police detail assigned to what's expected to be the next intended target, turns out the protected person is the sniper, who's trying to get out of the killing business and assassinated her evil hire-ups, now is hoping for federal protection.

[Anonymous No.1153143]

A young man in the near-future narrates his life on the first day of taking a new drug that, after building up in his system for a month, will become so addictive that his memory of his previous life will be obliterated and he'll almost certainly die in a drug-induced stupor with no recollection of his past. Surprisingly upbeat, heavy on black humour.

[Anonymous No.1153145]

>>1149217

Stephen King already thought of that.

[Anonymous No.1153149]

A group of long-term friends, after a typical night of much drinking, settle into a long philosophical conversation, over the course of which one is established as staunchly religious and another an avowed atheist. The two vow to hash out the arguments for their positions in a marathon drunken debate and retire to one of their apartments to do just that; in the morning, each emerges with the other's former viewpoint, still considering the other to be completely ludicrous and mistaken.

[Anonymous No.1153162]

Murder and intrigue on the first ever voyage of...
THE GRAVITY TRAIN!!!

[Anonymous No.1153166]

Sort of an "idea" story...

A programming student designs a program that takes any written document, identifies keywords and commonly used phrases, and automatically replaces them with close synonyms, so the document is now similar thematically but worded completely differently. After turning in "original" papers using this method for a year, he reveals his system to a professor, who has to decide whether or not to bust him for plagiarism.

It's sort of a story based around the "Chinese room" thought experiment.

[Anonymous No.1153171]

I've been interested for a while now on what people want to get out of a short story, whether it's just any form of entertainment, whether they need resolution, or just reading anything interesting in that format will satisfy an audience.

So how about a story that just explains something? "This event happened, here's how." The unnamed narrator uses all sorts of esoteric knowledge to explain some situation, and he has a unique voice and there's imagery. But it's not a "story" in that there's no narrative structure in the traditional sense. What do you think?

[Anonymous No.1153177]

>>1149203
8.5/10, pretty interesting
A people pleaser finds coming up with jokes to tell to others so agonizingly stressful he builds a small device to generate jokes, clever sayings etc. It becomes and obsession and the joke machine becomes a colossus- generating jokes based on the person's likes, interests and style of humour. The people pleaser eventually doesn't see the point of talking anymore and introduces lets people talk to the machine instead.

[Anonymous No.1153200]

Premise, straight lapsed christian federal cop is hired to lurk and agent provacatise on internet image boards to search for child porn, fraud and links to organised crime. His presence is uncovered by an anon who tries to identify him in real life. Becomes obsessed with camwhore on tinychat and in process finds a truth about himself, the internet and the world. His peruser is another spy.

[Anonymous No.1153272]

It is the dawn of time and God is a dictator who rules his kingdom with a cruel hand and nonsensical laws.
A small faction of angels start thinking by themselves and decide to plot a coup de état.

An irate God tries in vain to suffocate the imminent civil war, but the rebel faction grows each passing day. Angels of both factions begin to create war tactics, but God doesn't like angels that think on their own, so he starts creating specialized commander and soldier angels (archangels). Meanwhile, the other faction rejects the form the dictator gave them and begin to mutate in other forms, so new ranks and forms on the rebel angel faction begin to appear too.

The book is going to be centered on the war itself, as the end of the war and the consequences are know to us already, but the peace talks after the war will make up for a good twist and, I hope, an interesting end.

Yes, the book will be written in my native language so expect better grammar and a wider vocabulary in it.

[Anonymous No.1153277]

>>1153177
9/10
I like how you think, anon.

[Anonymous No.1153499]

bump nice thread

[Anonymous No.1153681]

In side-tunnel of distant subway station of big city there is a door.
And behind this door lives man. In the small room with dim lamp and wet walls.
Noone know about him except janitor and old security officer.
Once in a month he go to surface, buy newspaper and read it in park.
On one of such days he finds himself in completely different city. And he is completely different person.
Next time there is other city. And other man.

[Anonymous No.1154113]

bumping because I want reviews on my story premise

[Anonymous No.1154128]

This is an idea I had for a series of short stories rather than one big story, and I wrote a draft of one for a creative writing class I took last year.

Basically it's a series of stories focused around what I envisioned as the anti-Conan. He's a wandering scholar from a secluded nation who's traveling the world and essentially learning about all the cultures he comes into contact with. The world, similar to Howard's Conan stories, is sort of a pseduo-historic low fantasy world with many cultures bearing similarities to real world ancient cultures.

Each story would feature the scholar interacting with some new group of people, from pirates to desert tribes, etc. and getting into various dangerous situations.

[Anonymous No.1154133]

This picture shows the premise of my children's story.

The main character is Annabelle, a little girl who goes to the department store with her mother. She doesn't pay attention to where her mother is, gets lost, and doesn't find help from an employee. She tries to find her own way and eventually finds her way into a forest. The story then tells why the outside world is dangerous if you aren't careful, and shows Annabelle on her perilous journey to find her mother again.

[Anonymous No.1154134]

>>1154133

Here is another piece of concept art for the story. This is just one of the many terrifying things that Annabelle must run from in her quest to find her mother.

[op No.1154137]

>>1154128
sounds like a rip off of wishbone
4/10
an angel is cast out of heaven being forced to live on the earth and prove his worth to the lord. In order to do this he must attempt to better the lives of 250 people while remaining hidden from the people themselves kinda like Amelie with supernatural powers

[SuperFagolee !!iphZi8AQJz5 No.1154139]

>>1154137
Staring Jason Lee!

[Anonymous No.1154894]

>>1154128
7/10, would read

[Anonymous No.1155252]

bump :S

[Anonymous No.1155275]

>>1154139
and bruce willis!

[Anonymous No.1156007]

Story about a lonely guy that gets married and finds out he is gay