Lit Advice

[Anonymous No.11310786]

Can I get some advice please?

I fear I have done something terrible and that I can't redeem myself.

>be me, 25 (at the time)
>January 2017
>live and work in a major city
>staying at in my home state for three weeks over Christmas holidays
>see a competition for writers under 35 and "based in" the state
>had a plan to get out of the city and return to that state within a few months
>wrote a story and submitted not thinking I'd win etc
>get an email two months later saying I'd won
>they put my photograph, name etc on the internet
>still figured I'd have moved back in time for the award ceremony a few months later
>also applied to study for a Masters so figured I'd be back
>I fail to quit by that time and masters idea didn't work out
>ask my boss if I can work from home (in my home state) during that week instead so at least I still qualify in a technical sense
>receive the award and prize money
>feel fucking terrible ever since
>feel like a fraud who conned well-meaning people out of money and took advantage of their kindness
>I ended up not resigning (couldn't find a job in my home state and the Masters degree idea fell through) and moved back to the city soon after
>asked to attend this year also to hand over the prize to the next winner

So my plan at the moment is to write out a cheque and explain to the organizer that I was working from home at the time of the award but that I ended up moving back to the city afterwards. Hopefully they will understand and not make a big deal out of it, but maybe they'll think I'm a sinister liar. But I still feel like my "soul" or existence is tarnished. I honestly feel like ending my life over this, since my goodness and honesty has always been the one thing I could fall back on even if I had no friends, wealth, charisma etc. I feel like I'm no longer on of the "good guys" and have joined the liars, frauds, conmen etc with no prospect of making up for things.

What should I do?

[Anonymous No.11310800]

Who cares? You fucked up, you’ll get a bunch more opportunities like this and just remember to not fuck up this time

[Anonymous No.11310803]

make hole in ballsack and let pee flow out balls

[Anonymous No.11310817]

>>11310786
I think because you didn't intend to cheat its ok

[Anonymous No.11310835]

>>11310786
>I fear I have done something terrible and that I can't redeem myself.
>What should I do?
do something worse, then you won't be worried about it anymore, you'll be worried about the worse thing

[Anonymous No.11310847]

Write about it or, in old Russian fashion, apologize profusely and try to give them back their money while making a fool out of yourself until you're shunned from your state like the ill-minded person you are.

[Anonymous No.11310856]

> I fear I have done something terrible and that I can't redeem myself.

This is what you consider horrible?
Anon, please...

[Anonymous No.11310863]

I'm confused—the organizers of the competition still have no idea you're living out of state, correct?

Your story won because the organizers thought it was the best. Lying about your location, while not exactly ethical, doesn't strike me as that serious of a sin here.

My advice: tell them you have a scheduling conflict, or try to play it off like you're some kind of pynchonesque shut-in with severe social anxiety.

A lot of great writers are guilty of far worse things, op. It seems like you're making too much of this incident.

[Anonymous No.11310887]

>>11310847
lmao are you talking about this?

http://centerforfiction.org/forwriters/the-model-short-story/the-death-of-a-government-clerk-by-anton-chekhov/

Chekhov's my man