/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.11236447]

Have policemen ever examined your literature?
I've had a few close calls myself.

[Anonymous No.11236471]

>>11236447
I almost got arrested in high school because of a paper I wrote.

[Anonymous No.11236480]

>>11236447
As in literature you wrote or literature you own?

[Anonymous No.11236482]

I got in trouble for drawing a burning house. The teacher wanted me to see a therapist.

[Anonymous No.11236483]

>>11236471
Explain

[Anonymous No.11236509]

>>11236482
>American literature

[Anonymous No.11236516]

>>11236447
my brother got in trouble for writing 'drugs' on a cake recipe once

[Anonymous No.11236542]

I was called to the counselor's office in high school because I wrote a children's book for a health class assignment that was "inappropriate." An anthropomorphic carrot, Clarence the Carrot, befriends a fat kid and helps him make healthy choices and eat fruits and veggies instead of fried food and candy. For most of the book the kid loses weight and leads a healthier happier lifestyle and at the end says wow Clarence, you changed my life, but why are you the only vegetable that can talk? And he tells the kid they all used to be able to talk, but - in a full-page zoom to this cartoon carrot's smiling orange face - Clarence murdered them all and used the kid to get rid of the bodies. The last panel is The End over the kid vomiting.
The counselor said she thought it was a bit silly to call me in but told me "I am legally required to ask if you are okay."

[Anonymous No.11236551]

>>11236447
No.

[Anonymous No.11236572]

>>11236542
Description lowkey unsettled me, could make a good lofi DIY YouTube horror short

[Anonymous No.11236582]

>>11236542
I like it. But I feel like it's stolen. Reproduce it as a short story if it's original.

[Anonymous No.11236607]

>>11236572
It was meant to be dark comedy, not horror. That's more evident in the tone of the parts I glossed over - the healthy choices are typically something like Clarence telling the kid to stop eating entire buckets of fried chicken, eventually escalating to the point that he was telling him to stop drinking straight lard and eat some broccoli instead.
>>11236582
You feel like it's stolen? From what, another greentext? I typed out a full summary. If I ever find it at the house my parents moved to I'd probably put it on /lit/ for a laugh but I'm not sure if it's even there.

[Anonymous No.11236612]

>>11236607
Oh it definitely sounded comedic, but in that unsettling, off kind of way that sort of scares you to the core. A wide smile that signifies homicidal intent lurking below the surface.

[Anonymous No.11236615]

>>11236542
Why am I imagining this as Clarence's expression at the end?

[Anonymous No.11236616]

>>11236542
based. just based.

[Anonymous No.11236668]

>>11236615
Bugs... Easy on the Clarence

[Anonymous No.11236706]

>>11236471
Never heard someone arrested for that before, what did you write?
I got disqualified from (state assessed) English examination just for using the word "nigger" in reference to the plantation niggers we had to write about. I was even threatened with "consequences beyond" that. Totally retarded, I'm not even American, there are no niggers here and they still made us write about nigger slavery.

[Anonymous No.11236717]

>>11236706
did you put it in quotation marks

[Anonymous No.11236727]

>>11236717
no, I used it quite literally, or perhaps politically illiberally

[Anonymous No.11236731]

>>11236727
liberally*

[Anonymous No.11237024]

I would like to attempt to write some really unsettling stuff but I'm scared that if it was ever found I would get in trouble for it somehow.

[Anonymous No.11237040]

>>11236542
You're fucking perfect anon

[Anonymous No.11237042]

>>11236542

[Anonymous No.11237049]

>>11237024
Unsettling in what way? Who would find it?

[Anonymous No.11237075]

>>11237049
"Taboo" topics like rape and suicide. It's probably extremely overdone by now (not that I've looked) but I feel like a good writer would be able to evoke strong uncomfortable imagery within the reader. Maybe that's edgy but it is interesting to me. I don't know who would find it but I can picture a friend being in my room and finding it somehow.

[Anonymous No.11237085]

>>11236542

kek

[Anonymous No.11237102]

>>11236483
>>11236706
Our teacher told us to write about some inequality we felt with passion. The title of my essay was "On the Phoniness of Man and the Distribution of Power in the World". Apparently they thought I was gonna go planting bombs on school premises.

[Anonymous No.11237107]

>>11237075
I guess if you want to write about it, go for it. Doesn't make you a psycho or anything. Look at some of the shit horror writers manage to get published. Save it in a folder with a boring name like "tax returns" or "setup files" and nobody will go looking for it. Your friends shouldn't be snooping when they're on your computer anyway.

[Anonymous No.11237117]

>>11236542
Counselor: "Easy on the carrots!"

[Anonymous No.11237123]

I had a really odd experience when i was a kid. one day some cop knocked on my door asking if anyone had been smoking marijuana. I said my dad smoked ciggerats. Then he said "okay". Then he left.

[Anonymous No.11237213]

>>11237117
top kek

[Anonymous No.11237243]

>>11237123
I don't know why I laughed so hard at this.

[Anonymous No.11237249]

>>11237102
Well to be fair, that does sound like Holden "Kaczynski" Caulfield's manifesto.

[Anonymous No.11237250]

>>11236447
I hid excerpts from chris hedges,martin luther king, randolph bourne, timothy mcveigh, bayard rustin, and ted kedzierskis manifesto around my highschool as a goof, in teache's desks, personal offices, underneath the principal door, the school immediately installed a shitload of cameras in every single classroom, stairwell and hallway (there were only a handful oroginally and like half of them were broken) the next year

[Anonymous No.11237281]

>>11237249
I had just read the Catcher in the Rye.
I may have insinuated that people should just kill themselves to spare me the trouble. I'm not saying they weren't justified, but OP asked so I answered.

[Anonymous No.11237406]

>>11237250
based

[Anonymous No.11237500]

>>11237250
needed james mason

[Anonymous No.11237561]

>>11237102
Relax Holden
Now go be a big pedo with your sister

[Anonymous No.11237576]

No, never.
I wrote a heavily anti-muslim short story at the height of the migrant crisis and I was praised for my imagination.
I think the excersize was that they have us a made up word and we had to build a story around it. I decided to write a north-indian ethnic conflict in the colonial era with muslim agressors.
They looked at me a but weird when I read Kafka’s Trial while I was awaiting trial myself.

[Anonymous No.11237598]

>>11237576
I wrote a stroy about a grandson and his politically incorrect grandma walking around MUSLIM'd London which was preaised for being "sensitive" etc.

[Anonymous No.11237983]

>>11236447
He cute

[Anonymous No.11238369]

>>11236542
Okay that's actually very funny

[Anonymous No.11238492]

I wrote several explicitly anti democracy papers in college, but I think half the philosophy department is communists so they probably thought I was one of them too and didn't realize I'm a /pol/lack.

[Anonymous No.11238775]

>>11237102
not quite the same situation, but in freshman year my ap literature and composition teacher banished me to the counselor's office during her class period because she thought i was depressed. this was after i had aced whatever the standardized writing test was for that year with my paper on ms frizzle from the magic school bus series. maybe she thought i was making fun of her? i don't know.
high school sucks.

[Anonymous No.11238796]

Copfag here.
The majority of people I encounter at work are damn near illiterate.

[Anonymous No.11238819]

>>11236542

I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.11238824]

>>11236542
This is fucking genius. I expect great things from you.

[Anonymous No.11239065]

>>11237561
I can't be a pedo with someone barely younger than myself.

[Anonymous No.11239160]

>>11237117
>>11236542
A hefty kek, thanks anons

[Anonymous No.11239240]

>>11236542

>The counselor said she thought it was a bit silly to call me in but told me "I am legally required to ask if you are okay."

"Of course. I'm a vegan."

[Anonymous No.11240353]

>>11236542

[Señorita Carlita "Oops" Woblé(...) No.11240358]

>>11237102
they thought you were going to shoot John Lennon

[Anonymous No.11240370]

>>11237102

[Anonymous No.11240497]

>>11236447
I stole my high school library’s copy of Giovanni’s Room because I didn’t want people to suspect me of faggotry but I wanted to read it because I’m a fag.

[Anonymous No.11240521]

My ex robbed a gun store and shot someone a few times, and ended up with a 12-year sentence. He started sending me tons of poetry which ended up getting referenced in court. Oops.

[Anonymous No.11240577]

>>11240521

Here is a beautiful haiku I wrote:

Break me out of here.
There's a camera blind spot.
Midnight. Be ready.

[Anonymous No.11240593]

>>11240577
I love it. It would have been better than what he sent.

[Anonymous No.11240600]

>>11237249
Holden Kaczynski Cobain-Rodgers you mean

[Anonymous No.11240650]

>>11240358
it's funny because in my paper I list a class of people I termed "Intellectual Parasites" and used John Lennon as an example.

[Anonymous No.11240660]

>>11240370
die

[Anonymous No.11241116]

>>11236447
I once drew a picture of Hitler and I got suspended for a week. They also sent the police round to my house to ask to see my internet history (which I obviously declined) and I had to see a counselor to talk about my 'extremist views'.

Pic related. It's the fucking picture.

[Anonymous No.11241144]

>>11241116
lmao
nice arms

[Anonymous No.11241147]

>>11241116
you deserved it for the lack of artistic talent

[Anonymous No.11241153]

>>11240370
Best new meme 2018

[Anonymous No.11241163]

No, I'm somewhat concerned with the anprim lit I have on my computer though. I don't even subscribe to the ideology but I doubt some dumb pig would understand that.

[Anonymous No.11241187]

>>11238796
What a surprise.

[Anonymous No.11241256]

>>11241163
>he doesn't have a salt the earth contingency plan

[Anonymous No.11241285]

>>11240521
prithee i have a poem that you may consider pertinent
*clears throat*
roastie roastie, short and stout
show your tits or please get out

[Anonymous No.11241341]

Literature I wrote:
I wrote a piece for my school's paper about teachers losing students on class trips. A suprisingly amount of faculty have done so. They called me in because the Principal didn't want trouble with the school board. Never got detention or anything for it, but every teacher I interviewed apparently got chewed out for it and began to resent me.

Literature I own:
My friend, gf and I got caught hot boxing my girl's car alongside a back road and when the police were searching the car they found my copy of T.S. Eliot's the Wasteland. The officer and I had a conversation about Prufrock. They ended up just letting us go.

[Anonymous No.11241371]

>>11241116
Topkek. How old were you?

[Anonymous No.11241440]

>>11241116
Is Uncle Adolf grabbing his crotch?

[Anonymous No.11241469]

>>11240521
Something similar happened to a guy I know, his ex-girlfriend sent him poems alongside nude pictures. He used them to get a Restraining Order.

[Anonymous No.11241478]

>>11237102
you should've just been a normie and wrote about niggers

[Anonymous No.11241479]

>>11241153
True, and here’s the proof: >>11240660

[Anonymous No.11241489]

>>11241116
Kek, in second grade I drew the twin towers collapsing and my teacher called me a bitch. It was only a few years after the event itself.

[Anonymous No.11241512]

>>11240370
STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME SEIZURES YOU FUCKS

some of us are on potentially dangerous and obscure combinations of recreational drugs that could hypothetically be epilepsy inducing

[Anonymous No.11241555]

>>11241512
Stop opening gifs. Also gimme your cocktail anon.

[Anonymous No.11241881]

>>11241478
I wasn't aware of the importance of race at the time. I was lefty-tier when it came to race.

[Anonymous No.11242531]

>>11236542
Almost laughed audibly (GF is sleeping in the next room).

[Anonymous No.11242532]

>>11242531
never mention your gf in my presence ever again

[Anonymous No.11242534]

>>11236706
>there are no niggers here
Please tell me where this paradise so I can move there.

[Anonymous No.11242540]

>>11242532
Eh whatever. You niggers used to memepost pictures I uploaded of her on here.

[Anonymous No.11242542]

>>11240521
Can you post some pictures of your boobies?

[Anonymous No.11242551]

>>11236447

[Anonymous No.11242595]

>>11238775
Tell us more about your magic school bus paper, sounds great

[Anonymous No.11242599]

>>11236542
>I am legally required to ask if you are okay.

[Anonymous No.11242601]

>>11242531
Why aren’t you with her

[Anonymous No.11242876]

>>11236542
include me in the screen cap

[Anonymous No.11243074]

>>11236542
include me in the screenca-
nvm, /lit/ doesn't do that anymore.

[Anonymous No.11243447]

I got caught writing erotica about my classmates when I was 9 and sent to the principal. I was really lucky because he was really busy and the teacher was too embarassed to tell him what it was about, and just told him it was "innapropriate". He put it on a big pile of shit to read and probably never read it because I never got called back.
I learned my lesson, and used aliases for my next pornographic novel, in which I created a pantheon of god going around on sex-adventures.

[Anonymous No.11245359]

>>11236542
post of the year

[Anonymous No.11245368]

>>11236447
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD90QASxfjk

[Anonymous No.11245402]

>>11242534

I bet it is cold; wherever it is.

[Anonymous No.11245600]

>>11237123

That cop was a huge prick for trying to get you to rat on your dad.

[Anonymous No.11246366]

>>11242540
which one was she?

[Anonymous No.11246376]

>>11236542

[Anonymous No.11246963]

>go to big chain bookstore
>pick up Mein Kampf, Lolita, and The God Delusion
>waiting in line for ages
>light up a stogie
>start loudly chatting up old ladies and families in line next to me
>thumb through the expensive knick-knacks next to the checkout, knocking several onto the floor, and repeatedly tell my fellow line-goers to "look at all this horseshit"
>complain that there are too few cashiers per customer, allege that this is the fault of "kikes"
>finally reach the checkout
>array the books so their covers are all facing up
>toss them onto the counter in a radial formation, all facing directly at the cashier, a slightly overweight girl in her early 20s
>she looks down at them and pauses, her jaw dropping in disbelief as the fuhrer himself stares back up at her
>blow smoke into her face and ask "some kind of problem, toots?"
>she coughs and nervously stutters the name of the book, as if to verify that someone could ever purchase it intentionally
>"yeah" I reply, before placing my index finger on the cover of Lolita, and leaning across to her side of the counter
>"and this one's about a pedophile"
>her face is now wan with shock and horror
>"oh my god," she mutters
>"God's dead, honey"
>everyone around us goes dead silent
>pick up the books and leave without paying
>no one even calls security

[Anonymous No.11247430]

>>11236447
In 8th grade I wrote an essay that was hella depressive and well written that I got sent to the school's psychologist by the teacher.

[Anonymous No.11248226]

>>11241116
I drew a swastika in mspaint when I was in 8th grade. Teacher saw it and immediately gave me detention, she was panting and freaking out.

Went to detention and she got very emotional and said she was leaving the school. Said not to do it again. We got a new teacher the next day. Was probably something to do with her personal life but that minor insignificant story has stuck with me for some reason.

[Anonymous No.11249615]

>>11241512
K-Kurt the tentacle man?
Is that you?

[Anonymous No.11249860]

>>11248226
My school must've been the polar opposite of yours
>Swastikas always somewhere in any room, at any particular time (if someone had a marker they'd put it on someone elses head)
Everyone also had the affinity of saying "nigger", weirdly stifling any racial tensions that could've occurred.

[Anonymous No.11250137]

>>11246963
>>"yeah" I reply, before placing my index finger on the cover of Lolita, and leaning across to her side of the counter
>>"and this one's about a pedophile"
>>her face is now wan with shock and horror
>>"oh my god," she mutters
>>"God's dead, honey"
The build-up is amazing.

[Anonymous No.11250146]

>>11248226
once one of my dumbasses classmates started scratching the wall and then he made a stone dick out of scratched wall material, water and glue.
keep in mind this was supposed to be the elite school where all the smart kids go

[Anonymous No.11250185]

>>11238796
What about the criminals? Are they much better?

[Anonymous No.11250222]

>>11236447
DAMN SHE IS THICC CAN A NGGA HIT IT

[Anonymous No.11250393]

>>11236542
I scanned the top of the story and bottom and assumed you got called in because some anti fat bs .
Better than expectation

[Anonymous No.11250530]

>>11238819
Clarence murdered the other vegetables and fed them to the fat kid to hid the evidence. Helping him get healthy was only a pretense.

[Anonymous No.11250555]

>tfw you exchange a 'stay white' nod with a cop

based ordnung boys

[Anonymous No.11250607]

I wrote some story about a kid just swimming out into the ocean and it ends with him just swimming out still and leaves it at that. My teacher wrote I should see a counselor on my paper but didn't enforce it.

[Anonymous No.11250614]

>>11236668
Underrated

[Anonymous No.11250617]

>>11237102
Explain the essay.

[Anonymous No.11250625]

One time I was searched for drugs at the border (I went to uni in Canada but went home to the US occasionally.) The border agents were confused (and maybe a bit freaked out) to discover my bags didn't have drugs but a ton of books on Stalinist culture and theories of Soviet modernism. I was high af though so they did profile correctly, can't blame them but it was so satisfying to see the look of "we've got 'em" turn to disappointment in their eyes when they found I was clean.
>>11250555
also this

[Anonymous No.11250632]

>>11236542
nice one

[Anonymous No.11250637]

>>11237123
kino

[Anonymous No.11250643]

>>11236542
this is why I come to /lit/

[Anonymous No.11250658]

>>11241489
lmao the day after 9/11 (coincidentally I was in 2nd grade) we spent the whole day pretending to knock down the twin towers (pencils) with erasers (planes)

[Anonymous No.11250680]

>>11236447
Not (yet). But in highschool, my teacher yelled at me and I was send to talk with the director over a text I wrote and my teacher didn't get it. Not only I was misunderstood, but public humiliated. Thankfully, the Directory heard the misunderstand and my teacher got BTFO later.
This happened in Law College as well, when the whore of my electory right teacher, a fat feminist fuck started to shit talk US using nuclear bombs. I was a entire year ignoring her, but when she shitalked WWII, a topic with I dedicated my life on reading at that point, I coulden't restrain myself, so I said she was full of bullshit (not in these words) and the japanese wouden't stop the war. She brushed off and said I should educate myself, I rebuted her, saind the one how should educate herself was her, then she lost it and yelled at me and started to call me names. The problem for her was that, even if he tryed to public humiliate me, it didn't work because the class somewhat liked me, and I got a little famous for being the dude who called her on her bullshit in public.
This year, the side of my class full of cucks and libetards started to try (and here I would like to put TRY in capital letters, because this is all they did) to tell us about islam. I lost my shit. I turned around very slowly (I was even readint the fucking Quran on class that day), and started numbering all the problems in modern islam, from their fiqh texts to their creeds, their doctrine, everything. So the got BTFO.
I usualy avoid to deal with people are clearly wrong and full of themselfs, but some topics I simply lose it. Fuck everything, if you are wrong, I gonna fucking tell on your face, faggots. I don't talk about phisics, I don't know them, so people who don't know shit should stfu instead of spreading misinformation

[Anonymous No.11250684]

>>11236542
Anon you are a fucking genious

[Anonymous No.11250714]

>>11236542
fucking great anon

[Anonymous No.11250767]

I read "A child called it" by Dave peltzer in class when I was 11, the substitute teacher looked at me every queerly

[Anonymous No.11250892]

>>11236542
Sounds something R.L Stine would have come up with. Write it.

[Anonymous No.11250988]

>>11250680
What country are you from?

[Anonymous No.11251023]

>>11250680
this is good stuff.

[Anonymous No.11251725]

>>11236447
we had to write a story about bullying in 7th grade with pictures. i wrote one about a chicken that got bullied because it laid too many eggs and took the spotlight away from the other animals. in the end the animals realise their wrong and they all become friends. all good. my mate wrote a story about a kid that gets bullied and final panel is the kid hanging himself. got called in to see psychologist and everything.

[Anonymous No.11251757]

I wrote a short journal entry type thing about being homeless as a joke for a "where do you see yourself in 15 years" classroom assignment in middle school because I figured it'd be an amusing contrast to everyone else writing about being a doctor or lawyer or some other optimistic shit. Ended up getting sent sent to the school counselor over it and having to explain that it was just a joke.

[Anonymous No.11251826]

>>11249860
Where did you go to school? Mine was the same. Nigger all day every day

[Anonymous No.11251835]

>>11246963
I feel like I've seen this greentext before but it was about Infinite Jest

[Anonymous No.11253030]

>>11250680
based ESL bro

[Anonymous No.11254043]

>>11251835
Pretty similar t b qh

[Anonymous No.11255658]

>>11236447
No.

[Anonymous No.11256778]

>>11236542
B A S E D

[Anonymous No.11257074]

>>11237102
>Our teacher told us to write about some inequality we felt with passion
This is where you fucked up, anon. High school is not about making your presence known with manifestos, this would be the time to make up some BS about racism and get an A for it. I remember in English in 10th grade for the 1984 unit, I wrote some trash about societies built on hate will fail or something (total nonsense), and I still got an A for it.

[Anonymous No.11257092]

>>11257074
>not getting A for your manifesto
pussy

[Anonymous No.11257456]

>>11257074
isnt the point of 1984 that societies based on hate prevail

[Anonymous No.11258614]

>>11250614
Thanks. I worked hard on that post.

[Anonymous No.11258709]

>>11238796
>The majority of people I encounter at work are damn near illiterate.
I can confirm. My dad was a cop. He has decent handwriting but atrocious spelling and he cannot construct a sentence. Why can these people not just think in their heads as they would speak and then write what they think on the page? They do not sound nearly as stupid when they speak as when they write. He now uses a computer with spell-check so everything is spelled properly but he lets the spell-checker select the wrong words for him so I now have more difficulty understanding what he writes. It was easier to guess at the misspellings than it is to guess which are the wrong words.

[Anonymous No.11258723]

>>11240370
I unironically find "cringe" to be the only truly cringeworthy word - which is ironic in itself.

[Anonymous No.11258807]

>>11249860
>weirdly stifling any racial tensions
There is nothing weird about that. Sensitivity fosters Marxist aggression.

[Anonymous No.11258835]

>>11236482
I got in trouble for drawing a guy shooting a laser out of a real (enough) looking gun.
Good thing we catch those things and not the hundreds of reports of teenagers planning to shoot up schools.

[Anonymous No.11258841]

Got in trouble with my parents for writing a fake suicide letter to alleviate my depression. Dad called me a pussy for being depressed and Mom made me see a therapist for a bit.

[Anonymous No.11259857]

>>11250658
Reenacting 9/11 was the first thing my little sister and I did when we got our first toy planes and our mother praised us for our free thinking and nonconformity.

[Anonymous No.11259925]

>>11258841
Show him that you are not pussy

[Anonymous No.11259934]

>>11246963

[KingGucci96 !!xMH/2+QT4xP No.11261233]

>>11246963
lol

[Anonymous No.11261618]

>create instagram account
>follow every kid at my school
>make a cringe text-based post saying that I have the means of "enlightenment" that will change everyone's lives
>name the account after my school and include the term "revolution" in its name
>school APs call me in 3 times
>have to meet with AP with my parent
>prevent me from going to tournament trip with my sport
>just binged fallout 4 instead of going to event with my sport

[Anonymous No.11262085]

>>11257456
Do you really expect any better from our education system?

[Anonymous No.11262103]

>>11246963

[Anonymous No.11263710]

>>11261618
I'm sorry your school hates revolutionary and Enlightenment philosophies so much anon. We're here if you get bored and wanted to talk about things more.

[Anonymous No.11263740]

>>11236542
Thanks for the help, kiddo

[Anonymous No.11263748]

>>11250137
>>11251835
>>11259934
>>11261233
>>11262103
new fags