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/lit/ - Literature

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1115826 No.1115826 [Reply] [Original]

i have to make a short film for my production class in college. here is the screenplay. tell me what you guys think

http://pastebin.com/2iZNEidV

>> No.1115835

Something tells me hundreds of students before you have submitted the same screenplay about writer starring at blank paper.

>> No.1115839

>>1115835
but do they have the same ending?

>> No.1115843

>>1115839
There's two possible endings and only one ever happens-the writer loses his writer's block.

>> No.1115847

>>1115843
but the question is how do they loose it?

>> No.1115871

bump

>> No.1115880

By "the same ending" did you mean the "it was allll a dreeeeam" ending?

That's called a cliché.

>> No.1115888

>>1115880

it wasnt a dream though.

>> No.1115899

>>it wasnt a dream though.

Then how does the writer survive getting shot?

>> No.1115906

>>1115899
he never was shot. everything that happens in the film save the first and final shot is the writer running through a potential story in his head.

>> No.1115917
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1115917

Gibson thinks your piece is decently written, but really very cliched.

7/10, the shadowy man was a nice twist and the plotting does not feel forced, but "it was all a dream" and "aspiring writer" are like the most cliche factors you could have possibly written

Also, I think you are writing a tad too vaguely the emotion you wish your actor to convey. /opinion

>> No.1115941

>>1115917

considering that the film is suppose to convey a story in 5 minutes i though it the story was some what of a cliché that would free me from having to worry about exposition. and i must admit i really hate the "it was all a dream cliché" but it is really the only thing i could come up with.

that's why i try to justify it by saying its not technically a dream because the writer never goes to sleep or wakes up but i know its the same principle.

and actually the whole thing is way over written as far as screenplays go.

>> No.1115953

>>he never was shot. everything that happens in the film save the first and final shot is the writer running through a potential story in his head.

Well, just think of the visual logic here.
It works up to the climactic scene in the room.
In the room we see the writer finally write something on the pad.
It looks like he gets shot / punished for what he writes on the pad.
Then you cut to him writing on the pad as in the opening scene?
That looks like he came up with an idea that Thomas Pynchon (or whoever your bearded dude is supposed to be) thinks is worthy of the death penalty, and actually writes it.
I think the strongest part of the story is the search, although that might get monotonous if it goes on too long. I don't mind the search ending with him meeting some kind of Pynchon dude with a gun. But then the conclusion just doesn't quite add up. People will watch this and be confused about what exactly they are meant to think happened.

>> No.1115975

I think your best bet is for the final image to be one where it's implied it wasn't quite all a dream. Like, when he goes to write on the pad at the end it has a bullet hole through it.

>> No.1115998

well actually the search was the first scene i thought of and then i attempted to make a story around that.

the nod from the tall man is supposed to show approval for the writers work, which is why the shot would really throw the writer and audience off guard. im hoping that the shot from the tall man will come off as a way for his subconsciousness to say "good work, now stop thinking about writing and write it." But actually at the time I was writing it I just thought that would be a good way to end the sequence.

The dark room scene was one of the earlier scenes I wrote and after I finished writing the search scene I did consider the idea of having the tall man shoot the writer right there and forgo the dark rooms scene all together, but I guess I just felt that since the search scene is almost like the center piece of the movie it should lead into something that has more pay off then just a shot in the face (camera).

>> No.1116016

>>1115975
i was trying to think of a way where he could put on the same glasses that the tall man was wearing at the end after he got shot for some added ambiguity. but that might come off just as cliched as him waking up from a dream. idk, or maybe less so. that's why im asking you guys

>> No.1116087

bump

>> No.1116638

next day bump