/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.1114906]

I want to write a story about a genetic mutation that is showing up in humans that causes peoples hand to sort of twist into a cone shape, and having a group of fingernails on top. This would leave anyone that had the mutation with basically a deadly weapon attached to their body. The book would turn into a moral debate on what to do with those infected.

Your turn.

[Anonymous No.1114911]

>>1114906

3/10

I like the moral debate part but the actualization (hand cone menace) sounds just awful.

[Anonymous No.1114919]

I'm a fan of X-men, too.

[Anonymous No.1114925]

>>1114906
4/10 could be higher depending on how it is written.

I want to write a story about pets, who are confined in captivity and abused to a climax in which the pets revolt and end up killing their masters

[Anonymous No.1114926]

>>1114906
Replace hand with dick and you got a best seller right there.

[Anonymous No.1114928]

>>1114911

I wanted to make it something that those mutated couldn't change, yet still would be a threat.

[Anonymous No.1114929]

>>1114925

10/10, but only if it's a combination of Watership Down and The Rats of NIMH

[Anonymous No.1114931]

A post apocalyptic story of a panda who managed to escape the zoo, mankind destroyed itself, and due to being born in the zoo the panda faces a huge identity crisis, the wild life is a mystery to him. He is now stuck in a german forrest, no bamboo to be found, almost starving. He comes to believe he can metamorph like a butterfly, at first he collects spider/caterpillar rag to make his cocoon, but since that's going way to slow he uses plastic. He suffocates

I call it.. Pandamorphosis

[Anonymous No.1114937]

Physicist unlocks key to multi-dimensionality.
Obviously knows about Einsteins explanation of "time cones" (if you know physics you know this)
Loves girl.
He's a recluse, can't ask her out.
Spends time being tortured about the possibilitys of if he should ask her out or not.
He finally asks her out in this dimension so that in another dimension there is a chance she says yes.

I don't know I was really high on shrooms when I thought this up a while back, I'm into physics and romance so I just kind of put them together.
If you don't know about M-theory and the mechanics of time and such it probably doesn't sound to good.

[Anonymous No.1114939]

>>1114925
Not very original.
5/10
Sounds like those prison movies, just with animals. Or when the toys turned on Sid in Toy Story. But it could be done well.

[Anonymous No.1114941]

>>1114931
7/10, only because the idea of a panda (natures shittiest bear) outliving humanity oddly amusing.

[Anonymous No.1114942]

>>1114931

8/10

Call it Pandapocalypse and you got 10/10

[Anonymous No.1114945]

>>1114931
I think that would work, kind of like in the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy when the dolphins disappear and sing "Bye, and thanks for all the fish."

[Anonymous No.1114947]

>>1114937

3/10

Sounds like a mediocre love story with some science thrown in...at best.

[Anonymous No.1114948]

The basic idea is good, but as others said, change the actualization. Instead of something as odd as the cone shape (which is rather hard to accept, as it occurs nowhere else in nature, or at least not among complex vertebrates), go for something more natural-seeming. Instead of a cone, why not simply change from fingernails to claws? Maybe the mutation could be a variation on known calcification problems, only it results in hard, bony serrations down the patient's limbs. Base your mutations on things we already know to be true, so your readers don't have to make such a huge leap from reason to accept the premise.

[Brownbear !5EJ71eKlNQ!!6SnjW+BUlLP No.1114950]

>>1114906
>>1114906
moral debate is good, the actual mutation is bad
maybe if it was more like district 9, mutated into alien kinda shit and put into thinly veiled concentration camps?

using 2/3 narrative, out of:
opposer of their human rights "they're animals now etc"
supporter - "evolution unfolding, science, nurture etc"
mutant - "oh shit i'm a mutant"

tie this is with the social reprecussions in the northern (more liberal) and southern (more religious/right wing) states and the political turmoil and you've got a best seller on your hands, especially if you can tie it in with America's treatment (both in the media and in warfare) of those from the middle east.

i'll give it a 2/10 now, with improvements it could reach an 8.

[Anonymous No.1114958]

>>1114947
I was picturing main protagonist sort of like the guy from the movie Pi, kind of ads a bit I think.

[Anonymous No.1114959]

>>1114945
>>1114942
>>1114941

Thanks for the good input.

[Anonymous No.1114966]

I'm nearly finished writing my first book-length story. One more chapter to go, then it will be time to proofread and edit. Whee. I'm not telling you what it's about.

[Anonymous No.1114971]

and it was kevin spacey all along

[Anonymous No.1114972]

Long space flight is now possible due to advancements in hibernation technology. People don't age while hibernating, but they retain the ability to have vivid dreams that can last decades during the space flight. Deep space pilots and others that fly on multiple trips experience false memories since they can no longer tell the difference between dream memories and real memories while others slip into suicidal depression when dreams lasting a lifetime end. Others develop schizophrenia and multiple personality disorders. No one has gone into hibernation more than 10 times and come through unscathed.

[Anonymous No.1114973]

>>1114966
Well maybe we want a name. Unless you don't have one or the publishers want to change it or something.

[Anonymous No.1114974]

Protagonist is invited to a Halloween party by the son of a wealthy land owner. The two met previously at a few other parties. The night begins innocently enough, but eventually devolves into madness as the protagonist is unwillingly dragged through the city's underground; evading deadly shoot-outs, stumbling upon s&m sex dungeons, and hallucinating on a bad combination of prescription drugs and narcotics all while discovering the dark secrets behind the acquisition of his apartment complex by the ominous Burlingame Real Estate.

[Anonymous No.1114988]

>>1114973
Tell ya what: if a publisher picks up my book, I promise I'll come back here and tell /lit/. I'll even try to remember to post the same sloth. But it's way too early for me to get all squealy about it. I'll need to wallpaper most of my house in rejection letters first.

[Anonymous No.1114989]

>>1114972

7/10

Seems like a good idea if the format is done well enough. Sometimes the sequence of events in a story like that can get odd.

>>1114974

I'm really not quiet sure what this is trying to get across. Seems like a typical goosebumps book.

2/10

[Anonymous No.1114996]

>>1114989
there is no point. it's not even supposed to be scary. it's just a story of people doing fucked up things with the backdrop of halloween.

[Anonymous No.1115004]

my (unfinished) nano last year-

Main character wakes up on an operating table and realizes that he's pieced together from different body parts, like a Frankenstein Monster. As it turns out, he belonged to a sect of law enforcement that often received 'transplants' whenever they became 'damaged', sort of like how you replace a faulty car part. Well, this sect of law enforcement had been brainwashed since birth to love the government- but since he was caught in an explosion, he doesn't remember any of it. Instead, using the theory of Cellular memory, he catches pieces of the consciousness of the people that 'donated' their body parts (aka: dead people that the government secretly had killed).

Through this, he realizes what's really going on behind the government and, helped by the mortician (the man who gave him the body parts of victims in the first place because he was secretly anti-government), he sets out in bringing down the leaders and trying to make a difference in his world.

[Anonymous No.1115013]

A story about a older gentleman retired from a cushy government job who stumbles upon a gritty porn video of his 19 year old daughter and becomes sexually obsessed with her.

[Anonymous No.1115015]

>>1115004

6/10 till the end.

I like the idea of cellular memory, but the part with the mortitian and taking down leaders is kind of lame.

[Anonymous No.1115018]

>>1115013

This sounds oddly interesting.

7/10

[Anonymous No.1115032]

bump for pitches

[Anonymous No.1115058]

>>1115015
I liked the idea too, but eh.

I guess my target demographic was more of people who read as a sometimes hobby, rather than like, e/lit/ists. The plot is a little cliche, but I hope that the world building and depth of characters and whatnot can make up for it, since I really do like this massive conspiracy theory that's behind the whole plot.

[Anonymous No.1115070]

somalian dude that wears a duster walking town to town in search of his family's killer, a former guerilla of a succesful anti-gov. group. He learns that the man is now very powerful but still runs him down and wets him up with a revolver.

[Anonymous No.1115073]

its about a canadian guy who is vacationing in the US and people are confused because theyve never heard of canada. he looks up canada on the internet to show them and cant find any references. it turns out that he IS canada.

[Anonymous No.1115079]

My story is about a man who controls the world with his mind. For instance, he's walking along, and he sees this beautiful girl, and he thinks he'd like to see her naked, and so all her clothes fall off. Mmm. Yes. And she's scrabbling around to get them back on again, but even before she can get her knickers on, he's seen everything. He's seen it all. He'd do other stuff, like He's riding his bike in the park, and this policewoman says, "Oi! You can't ride your bike on the grass." And he goes, "Oh no?", and her uniform falls off, and she goes "Aaaah!", and she's trying to cover up, but he's seen everything anyway, and he gets on his bike and rides off. On the grass.

[Anonymous No.1115082]

>>1115073
0/10 gtfo Hetaliafag

[Anonymous No.1115088]

>>1115013

You've clearly never used a public phone in London.

[Anonymous No.1115097]

>>1115088

Merry, magical England.

[Anonymous No.1115102]

The main character is a nigger, specifically a poorly-educated and mostly illiterate field nigger named Johnathan who has fled from his owner's southern plantation and has reached the town of Three Timbers. There, Johnathan uncovers a scheme by five highly influential and shockingly heavily-armed persons to kill the newly-elected president Abraham Lincoln. Johnathan then has to choose between preventing the president's killing, or taking his best shot at escaping to freedom.

[Anonymous No.1115106]

A story about a man who has the choice of killing 1,000 people, now to save a million 10 years in the future. He also has a lion-tail.

[Anonymous No.1115122]

>>1115079

[Anonymous No.1115131]

>>1115079
This is gold!

[Anonymous No.1115134]

>>1115079
That was the funniest thing in that entire show.

[Anonymous No.1115172]

Once a man tried jumping 3 times in succession. Not once, not twice, but thrice. With each jump, he tried a little harder, believed just a little bit harder.

On the last jump, he did not fall back down. He had found the ancient secret sought after by man for so many years, he had achieved flight!

It took him a few months to get good at it, it wasn't as easy as some might think, you needed to know how to control the wind and your body for the fastest movement, to make sure he doesn't lose his momentum, how to tell where the wind was fastest, how to land safely. He would go down to a very big abandoned warehouse, and practice there after nightfall. He wouldn't tell anybody what he up to. He was very, very secretive about it, his own mother asked him why he was so secretive lately, and he told her it was a secret.

Finally, when he was confident in his skills, he went down to Africa and picked up about 300 slaves. He then trained these slaves in the art of human flight. He had to be very careful, lest they let out his secret, so he cut off all their tongues. But still he was worried they would fly out if he left a window open, so he crafted a big metal container for each of them, so they could never escape. While making these containers, he had the brilliant idea that someone else could ride them, like a taxi car!
He created seats in these containers, and had the slaves sit inside them and fly them with their flight powers. He used the power of electricity to make them not have to jump 3 times. Then years later, he was ready to show the world.

He decided to call them aeroplanes.
His name was Orvilbur Wright.
The planes make those noises because that's the sound of the africans since they don't have a tongue.

The End.

[Anonymous No.1115175]

>>1115172

[Alexander Hope No.1115245]

I'm always hesitant about this stuff. It would suck so bad to see a novel released to acclaim based on a premise i workshopped on an anonymous message board.

But I don't have the money to register any more of my story ideas just yet : (

[Brownbear !5EJ71eKlNQ!!6SnjW+BUlLP No.1115253]

>>1115079
>>1115079

i fucking lol'd just from the memory of it.

[Anonymous No.1115260]

>>1115079

whats that from?

[Anonymous No.1115264]

>>1115260
Google does wonders:
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0023514/quotes

[Anonymous No.1115285]

A young girl is born into an era of Britain in which the government is always watching via a large CCTV network, which people can view as a TV broadcast and dob people in. She grows up in this world and slowly learns of her grandparents and the people in her life as major pawns in this political, social and cultural war.

[Anonymous No.1115286]

In a remote military outpost, soldiers are turning up dead. At first, nothing was out of the ordinary, soldiers are going to be killed when they are in enemy territory. However, as the bodies pile up, the soldiers start to suspect that it isn't insurgents, but one of their own that is murdering them. Que paranoia as the soldiers are being attacked from within and without.

[Anonymous No.1115297]

>>1115285
So... this is real life Britain then?

[Anonymous No.1115302]

I saw the idea for a story a few days ago here about a lonely old man who finds out he has Alzheimer's and decides to write a fake journal filled with stories about things he's wanted to do and people he's wanted to meet so once he's completely lost his mind, his life will seem better than it was. But then he thinks that all of it really happened so various shenanigans ensue and he goes on real adventures and meets all these different people that he thinks he's already known.

I was wondering if it's already a book or movie or something.

[Anonymous No.1115314]

My idea;

It is a fantasy (sorry guise). A world where humans lived much like we did thousands of years ago (when civilization was just beginning), humans accidentally opened a portal and other worldly energy poured into the planet, demons used humans as hosts to kill most other humans.

The dead were raised by an otherwordly entity who liked people and they became a massive army to defend what was left of the non-corrupt.

fast forward thousands of years; humans have technology similar to ours, but almost all humans suffer mutations, they are guarded by the undead. Demons (corrupted humans) live in their own cities with very crazy architecture (and they are not all malevolent, but are immortal)

There is much more than that, but that's the gist of it.

[Anonymous No.1115317]

>>1115297
Oh my...

[Anonymous No.1115323]

Alright, here's a weird one to explain. Ok, so imagine multiple races of people, each one paired with another one. The paired races would be the each others most dangerous predator, but would completely ignore the other races. If I start this, I would switch viewpoints multiple times during the book, and maybe have a plot that reveals why the races that ignore each other do.

Another idea would be for a short story, where a family or group of friends are finishing a camping trip and are burning the garbage that they have laying around, but start to burn more important stuff and eventually kill each other and themselves to add fuel to the fire.

[Anonymous No.1115324]

>>1115286
2/10 for the plot, but if you write it properly and play up the paranoia, it could be a 7/10.

[Anonymous No.1115330]

>>1115302
sounds promising.

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1115336]

>>1115302

Dood that's a great premise. It also screams "Make a heartstring pulling movie out of me"

Seriously, go you : )

[Anonymous No.1115337]

>>1115302
Sounds like it'd make a killer movie, any good at screen writing?

[Anonymous No.1115345]

>>1115302

Sounds like a mix of Big Fish and 50 first dates.

I like it <3

[Anonymous No.1115348]

>>1115323
First idea: 4/10
Sounds trite

Next idea: 7/10
I'd rate it higher, but I'm not sure of what else to make of it. The nature of this story sounds really interesting, though, and it seems like something you would obviously have to develop much more deeply. Sounds interesting. My only hope is that you would make it unique from Lord of the Flies-esque novels - and, of course, better.

[Anonymous No.1115362]

I'd love to write a story about a djinn child living in a djinn community on earth (which is invisible to humans). The child's destiny is that he is the reincarnation of Satan, and he struggles with this, finally accepting his fate.

I've wanted to write about this ever since I learned that the koran actually says that god created djinn and they coexist with us on earth.

[Anonymous No.1115365]

i've started wrighting a story about how in the future world government are trying to create genetic soliders that grow at 10 times the normal rate of the average person through gene therapy. the story would follow a group of these genetic soliders in their younger years starting off while they are still under governmental control, eventually they escape and the story continues on following their attempts to hold onto their new found freedom and their lives

[Anonymous No.1115367]

>>1115302
this is fucking awesome

[Anonymous No.1115378]

>>1115172
>His name was Orvilbur Wright.

[Anonymous No.1115386]

Here's my idea:

Los Angeles detective Jake is hired by a woman claiming to be a Mrs. McKinney to spy on her husband. Shortly after Gittes is hired, the real Mrs. McKinney appears in his office threatening to sue if he doesn't drop the case immediately. Gittes pursues the case anyway, slowly uncovering a vast conspiracy centering on water management, state and municipal corruption, land use and real estate, and involving at least one murder.

[Anonymous No.1115400]

>>1115386
>slowly uncovering a vast conspiracy centering on water management, state and municipal corruption, land use and real estate, and involving at least one murder.
And aliens?

[Anonymous No.1115406]

>>1115365
>i've started wrighting
And I've stopped reading.

[Anonymous No.1115409]

>>1115365
>following their attempts to hold onto their new found freedom and their lives
Would be more interesting to explore how they see the world since they have 1/10 of the time to see it, knowing that they'll die soon, but also exploring how they'll still have a childlike state of mind even if the military tried to drill it out of them, things like that. In my opinion, of course.

[Anonymous No.1115411]

>>1115400

No. No aliens. Sorry.

My story will take place in California during the decade of 1910, during major battles over water rights in this area.

[Anonymous No.1115426]

>>1115409
i see what you're saying but i tried to keep my description brief and left out some details. one of them being that they only grow up at 10 times the rate of an average person, once they are about 18 years old physically gene therapy is used to slow down their rate of ageing to something more like that of a normal person.
i do find you're statement about the them still having a child-like state of mind interesting and plan on exploring that angle.

[Anonymous No.1115427]

>>1115411
>>1115386

This sounds promising. Actually, it sound bloody fantastic.

[Anonymous No.1115462]

an excerpt from my current writings: opinions?

One of the board members speaks up “Doctor, where are you taking us?”

“I’m taking you to see some of the subjects, these ones are quiet dangerous so I must again remind you to make no loud noises.” The Doctor responds as he stops in front of what appears to be a thick metal door, almost like a vault door with four guards standing at attention on either side of it.

The doctor produces a card from his pocket and swipes it through a panel next to the door, which slowly slides open.

[Anonymous No.1115467]

>>1115462
Reizei: “I must also ask that while in this room you don’t get too close to any of the cells so as not to agitate the subjects.”

He walks inside and the crowd follows him slowly, the general still bringing up the rear.

{Inside we see a long dimly lit room with large sheets of glass set into the walls at various intervals dividing the room in to cells, when you look in the cells you see that the back of them are dark and the fronts are lit though rather dimly. Each cell has an occupant, though some can not be seen but strange animalistic noises emanate from the darkness. The occupants that can be seen are unlike anything imagined before. They are monstrous and savage looking, some completely covered in hair of various colors, others with scales of green, red, or brown, tails long and scaly or furry. Creatures with claws, creatures with fangs, creatures that walk on two legs, four legs, or more. They hiss, grunt, and growl at the people as they walk by. One of the men from the crowd steps closer to cell where the occupant can not be seen, in the blink of an eye a terrifying creatures charges the man with a blood curdling growl, the only thing stopping it from ripping the man to shreds is a set of metal bars and a layer of bullet proof glass keeping the creature in its cell, the man lets out yell of fright and stumbles backwards falling over. The crowd looks over at the man and at the eight-foot tall creature that frightened him.}

The Doctor chuckles.

[Anonymous No.1115492]

loser guy meets a couple at a bar that wants to explore in their relationship (have a mmf threesome). the girl falls in love with the loser guy (LG), husband finds out and plans to kill the LG. girl finds out and tells LG hoping he'll kill the husband. it's the girl's plan all along to manipulate the LG to kill her husband for his money.

no ending. just thought about it when mowing one day. =/

[Anonymous No.1115505]

>>1115492
sounds a bit like strangers on a train and Mini's First Time

over all not bad though. 5/10

[Anonymous No.1115514]

>>1115467
The writing runs on a bit when describing the room.
The story isn't anything special at this point, depends where you're going with it.

[Anonymous No.1115517]

>>1115505
never heard of those. thinking of making the ending something like the husband hired LG to kill his wife. i'll probably never write this... lol it sounded alright in my head, but writing it down it seems cliche

[Anonymous No.1115518]

>>1115492
Could actually make for a pretty good drama movie. And it may get publicity from femenazis for women hate or whatever.

[Anonymous No.1115529]

>>1115518
hey i could get a movie deal on Lifetime... /wrist

[Anonymous No.1115533]

>>1115514
yea it kinda is a bit wordy, tis only an uncompleted first draft so here is to hopeing for improvement as time goes on. and as for it being nothing special, i picked a point that is right around the middle of what i've written so far which isint much, if i could i post it all and ask for opinions on that but i think its a bit too long (11 pages)...unless someone can tell me where else i can post it for you all to read. i'd so love to get some more input and suggestions, especially since i've got a block

[Anonymous No.1115542]

A mostly-irrational, Socratically-minded, highly-educated, unnamed male character proceeds through a day at an upper-class day-job, consequently running into individuals exhibiting several (contradictory) modern philosophical mindsets, each of which he agrees with while also disagreeing with. At the end of the day, he goes to bed, and upon the next morning, he wakes up and everything is exactly the same.

[Anonymous No.1115549]

>>1115533
I suppose you could post it to pastebin, but I'm sure there's a better place to.

I say it isn't anything special because just having a doctor with lots weird experiments and deformed creatures is very vague and done hundreds of times before. It all matters on what he does with it, are the board members funding it, is it some sort of conspiracy to modify genetics, will the story have to do with the morality of it, or maybe it will touch on if it's right to do these experiments if they're being done to look for cures to diseases or something, there's a lot you could do with it, right now it's pretty vague.

[Anonymous No.1115574]

>>1115467
The story idea is something I wouldn't personally read, but there's a market for everything so I wouldn't let me discourage you.

The only thing about this writing is that you are falling into a style of writing that is almost a century old. You are TELLING the reader what is happening, rather than SHOWING them.

By simply telling your reader what is happening they are being kept separate from the character you want them to identify with. Think of it like standing back and looking at a painting as someone describes it to you, rather than being IN the painting and taking in the scenery yourself.

You need to SHOW the reader what the room looks like (from someone's perspective).

[Anonymous No.1115577]

I want to write a novella about the birth and life of a modern Bodhisattva growing up in suburbia.

At birth, the infant is aware of all things relevant to the afterlife, but learning to function in the living world is incompatible with the knowledge of the higher realms. Throughout his life, he is able to remember his past lives, but particularly the one before his current, a homeless man living in NYC.

There's a bit of a crisis in there about whether he's doomed to live his lives in abject poverty just in order to spread the most possible goodwill throughout the world.

[Anonymous No.1115578]

>>1115549
well i stated in my first post that its about genetically created soldiers, the beasts are some of the results of messing around with and combining of the the genomes of various creatures.

i'll post everything i have up on pastebin and post a link here

and here it is http://pastebin.com/4PqwkQDy
the hairy people mentioned in the last written sentence of the story are supposed to have a lot of wolf genetics in their genome, i've just become stumped as how to continue with the description of them and work it into dialogue

[Anonymous No.1115586]

I want to write a novel about a stereotypical "mad scientist" who creates a creature that resembles a clown. It's expressions are reversed (for a basic example, when it feels sadness, it laughs, and when it feels happy, it cries), and it suffers from chronic pain coupled with a strong sense of self loathing.
Besides that, the story isn't really fleshed out. I want to keep the majority of the book focused on only the professor and the creature, with only a select few other characters having any significant part in the story at all.

[Anonymous No.1115587]

>>1115574
can you explain a bit about how i can do what you speak of?

[Anonymous No.1115590]

I want a fantasy world based on a videogame.

No, no, hear me out. It's a fantasy world where death is cheap, spiders carry hundreds of dollars in coins and you can reduce an entire town to genocide in one evening just to have it "respawn" overnight.

[Anonymous No.1115602]

>>1115587
i'm not 574, but the idea is that you are supposed to simply describe something and the reader, if reading carefully, will pick up on everything you left out.

read Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway to get what i mean

[Anonymous No.1115606]

>>1115590
You could write it where the main character doesn't realize he's in a videogame and then somehow this knowledge is given to him or something and its all mind-shattering and shit. ...can really only be done in a specific way of writing I guess.

[Anonymous No.1115614]

I want to write an epic poem where major story points are my literal dreams.

[Anonymous No.1115616]

>>1115602
yea i've read Hemingway once before. not doing that again, but i'll see if i can pull up come excerpts from the book you mentioned to get the idea

[Anonymous No.1115622]

I had an idea about an aspiring writer who becomes the assistant of his favorite author. Turns out the author is a huge suicidal asshole who steals his assistant's ideas and turns them into best sellers.

I just had this visual of a guy in a fist fight with his favorite author pop into my head and ran with it.

[Anonymous No.1115628]

>>1115616
if you don't Get hemmingway, then you're not going to understand show don't tell. and hills like white elephants is a short story. it'll take you 5 minutes to read. read it twice though. it's more that a couple drinking 3 beers at a train station.

[Anonymous No.1115635]

>>1115606
Nah, it's not that it's IN a videogame world, but rather, "how would a society evolve if the manner in which videogames viewed death and economics was portrayed realistically in a traditionally idealistic genre?"

[Anonymous No.1115640]

>>1115628
with hemingway everything is more than just whats on the surface. i've never much cared to read between the lines nor have i ever been very good at it but i'll give it a shot. i'm committed to my story

[Anonymous No.1115668]

>>1115587
Sure I'll give it a go, not sure how well it'll run with your story since I don't know which character you're following but for now I think I'll use the general you mentioned (simply because he got special mention, though you could give anyones account of the room). Of course it'd work better if I knew his name. I shall call him John.

>The small procession follows the doctor into the long room, their facial features disappearing under the fluorescent lights that seem to cast more shadow than they eliminate. The general is the last man over the threshold of the large vault-like door, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the nauseatingly dim green light of the room. John blinks purposefully several times in an attempt to force his eyes to cooperate with the new setting but before he can see properly the sheer horror of the room engulfs all of his senses. Small, animalistic noises are the only sounds that drift around the room as the group of delegates comes to a shuffling halt close to halfway down the row of cells.

[Anonymous No.1115671]

>>1115668

>The general turns to the cell nearest him, it's crude glass construction and lack of light only make the content seem more vile than it perhaps really is. John can see a small shape huddled near the back wall of his prison the laminated floor around the figure is smeared with dark stains and small puddles, the smell of the excrement assaults John's nose as his curiosity pushes him closer to the glass wall. He looks left and right at the cells either side, each contains a man - or at least something like a man - but their grotesque forms are no more human than the most cunning beast. John's attention returns to the cell in front of him, he leans in as though this will make the creature in front of him any more visible than it is now. His face comes within an inch of the glass, his breath forming a small circle of condensation that disappears as quickly as it forms. A cringe forms quickly on John's face as he begins to recoil in disgust at the monstrous form or a man sporting large claws and inconsistent patches of matted fur on his back. The creature turns it's head quickly toward John, it's eyes are red and unmistakably deranged from even this distance.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115673]

Does anyone want to look at my loose melodramatic space opera skeleton? It'll take like 2 or 3 posts

[Anonymous No.1115675]

>>1115671

>"Not so close, General." The Doctor hisses as he spots John leaning into the wall of the holding cell, but it was too late. The creature moved with frightening speed, slamming against the wall of his cage snarling wildly. One of the doctors in the group yelps loudly as he stumbles backwards, falling to the ground before quickly scrambling away from the frightening figure that towers over his crumpled form.

Okay I can't be assed reading over that so I don't know if it's any good, that's just how I'd tell the scene.

[Anonymous No.1115690]

>>1115675
>>1115671
>>1115668
the generals name is Eric Friedmann which i did give at a certain point in the pastbin file. also you seemed to mix up two of the characters but other wise i really like what you've written. if you don't mind i'm going to save it for reference later on.

[Anonymous No.1115691]

I want to write a story based on an internet relationship between two sociopaths who live on opposite ends of the United Sates and have never met in person. The story be told from the first-person perspective of both characters, switching off every other chapter with an internet chat conversation. One character lives in San Francisco, the other in Pittsburgh, PA. The story follows the characters' developing relationship; one male, one female, both have feelings for one another but lead very separate, different lives. Each is the only one that truly knows the other.

This would be like some bizarre cyber Bonnie and Clyde romance

pic semi-related

[Anonymous No.1115696]

>>1115690

Go for it, I might have confused myself but it's your story so feel free to have what I wrote and make it fit into the story properly. What I was really getting at was the style, it was a bit of a weak attempt but I was trying to give the room in terms of Johns (Erics) senses, rather than the narrator's.

[Anonymous No.1115700]

I want to create a story that explores the concept of a person who can live forever. There are no other twists. The story would just start from modern day Earth and follow the main character through an EMP blast from the sun that destroys all modern communication, a dissolution of our globalized culture and a technological reversion that would explore how various fixtures of modern technology would work if left to their own devices.

Example: a friend with bionic enhancements who is trained as a guard dies, but his robot parts live on with stored surveillance footage and facial recognition in tact.

The main character falls in love with hundreds of girls through his eons of existence. The girls would be a part of a building subplot revolving around their attempts to bargain with angels to reverse the main character's condition so they can be with him.

The story would go to such an extent, that it would show the earth being swallowed by the sun with the main character in the middle of the infernal consumption. The sun's gravity traps him inside until it collapses into a black hole that sends him to the beginning of earth.

He lives through history to the point in time when he was first cursed with eternal life and stops it from ever happening. A time paradox occurs and the universe collapses, sending him to the afterlife.

[Anonymous No.1115709]

>>1115700
Okay that ones pretty good but you need to think about it a little more otherwise you're just telling the day by day of a guy who lives forever until he gets sent back in time at which point he lives day by day again until he stops his own cursing.

You have two main points of conflict, but not actual complication for millions of years of worth of existence.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115712]

>>1115700

I have a hard on for stories that are "epic" in timescale. Which makes me want to post my loose skeleton.

20XX. Two college age friends are stuck in traffic on the freeway in a major city. There's a searing explosion just a bit outside the atmosphere that can be seen from the car. A crystalline creature broken all over and seeping fluid crashes onto the hood of their car, before it dies, it touches the driver on the forehead, leaving an embedded crystal, and then expires. The mark more or less turns this guy into a crystalline superhero. He charges off into the atmosphere to join a battle. He was always kind of a simple do-gooder to begin with.

This is not his story, It's the story of his friend, who was an introverted loner, intelligent and wanting to do more, but mean spirited and cynical about life. Because of how he was sitting in the car (foot on the dash), the impact of the creature on the car fucked his leg, making him unsuitable for power transfer, so his friend, an already popular guy, happy guy, was chosen instead.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115715]

>>1115712

He busts his ass constantly from then on, embittered at his friend "undeservedly" becoming what he felt like was his destiny, to be a hero. As the friend grows stronger and stronger, the protag throws himself into climbing the corporate world, using his fortune to invest in human enhancement research to catch up, eventually becoming quite powerful in his own right. This goes through numerous stages, from genetic enhancements fueled by drugs to cybernetic modification, etc. One of his earliest breakthroughs is that he manages to halt his aging process entirely, not long after he discovered that his crystal friend had also stopped aging.

The two survive out multiple generations. Eventually, it's revealed that the original crystalline creature was involved in a war against an alien empire that is methodically erasing all life in the universe. As humanity expands into space, they become caught up in the conflict.

As it turns out, This empire, who conduct their exterminations as humanely and painlessly as possible, have discovered that God is what is at the center of the universe, and that as life has expanded, God has become paralyzed, chained to inaction as the only moral way to be god in a universe full of varied life is to take no action whatsoever. The exterminating empire is attempting to unchain god by destroying all life, including themselves eventually, so that God can redo the universe and create a true paradise.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115718]

>>1115715

The tech-enhanced protag is still bitter at his friend, who seems to constantly and effortlessly save both his ass and the day when shit gets too hairy and always does it with a smile, but he eventually burns out and dies, but before he does, he finally convinces his friend to look at himself and see that he is the true hero of humanity, representative and living embodiment of all of humanity's progress and potential-- an immortal, self-repairing, sentient collection of nanomachines in the shape of a man at this point.

Eventually, failing to stop the empire, the immortal mechanical man is the last "life" left when god is finally unchained. After contemplating all that has been gained, created, lost, he asks God why things have gone the way they are, to which god responds that they've gone the only way they could have gone, that all that is, is right, that everything is fair. God asks him if he understands now what is happening and what must happen next.

[Anonymous No.1115722]

>>1115696
right i see what you're saying...so at point in the story that i cited i would write the story from the prespective of the group of board members following the doctor...

i've just put so much of my time into research and filling in plot holes that i've left out so many details in the story, i defiantly have to go back and be more descriptive

i also seem to write as if i am writeing a script for a movie or comic and i think that may result in the some of the odd way things are written

http://pastebin.com/4PqwkQDy

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115723]

>>1115718

He thinks awhile, then asks if God ever tires of playing All Time like an accordion. He feels a warmth, like a smile. God states that one can never tire of playing the single, most beautiful, most right song ever conceived. Protag relives a brief moment where his friend dragged him out to a picnic at the beach with other friends. He remembers the rhythmic sound of the waves, the feeling of sun on his face. He smiles, and then disperses himself. God draws in all the remaining matter and energy in the universe. There is a brief blackness, then a searing, magnificent pulse of light. Some final, disembodied soliloquy that I haven't quite thought out yet should then end it, no more than a brief paragraph.

A Novel by Alexander :3

I imagine this would span either a series of books, like 3 or 4, or 1 giant Gravity's Rainbow size text.

It started as various different ideas (story about failed friend of superhero, instead of the superhero; story of an empire unchaining god by killing everyone; my own fascination with the idea of determinism and the universe repeating itself + Nietzsche's eternal return; My love of space opera and a desire to populate a whole universe with races, technology, mythology, etc.

[Anonymous No.1115728]

>>1115712
>>1115715
>>1115718
>>1115723

You know what? I would pay to read that if it's done tastefully.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115745]

>>1115728

Thank you, that means a lot to me. I have a few story skeletons like this. My issue isn't style, I can write single scenes quite well, my worry is weaving together a story that goes somewhere worth reading.

This is definitely my dream, and now i'm 22 and about to graduate in december. I'm scrambling to put together samples for literary agencies and/or MFA Creative Writing programs.

The problem is finding the time to write, and then finding people to workshop with. TBH this is the first time i've seriously browsed /lit/, i mostly see threads of assholes circlejerking each other over their tastes, not too many about creating new works.

I need a life plan anon : /

[Anonymous No.1115750]

>>1115722
so about my story...can someone attempt to help me over come my writers block

http://pastebin.com/4PqwkQDy
and my dilema is the hairy people mentioned in the last written sentence of the story are supposed to have a lot of wolf genetics in their genome, i've just become stumped as how to continue with the description of them and work it into dialogue

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115757]

>>1115750

Sorry to derail, I'll take a look at it too and see what I can offer. Anything beats doing the multiple papers I should be doing lol

[Anonymous No.1115759]

>>1115709
Well, I want it to be a "survival" story much like Robinson Crusoe where he is just trying to live as peaceful of a life as possible. Sure, there would be arcs where he snaps, but those would end with him simmering down in seclusion.

Another one I have takes place in the not-to-distant future where a global dictatorship has taken hold. Localized governments only exist for surveillance and other specialized tasks. However, a group of ship captains devote a hidden chamber of each of their ships to manufacturing or agriculture (hydroponics). They construct a secret libertarian government named the United Freights of Marino. The ships trade with each other using very slight detours in their routes. The ships are identifiable by a very subtle tone at a highly specific frequency that is emitted from their radio communications over any government-sanctioned interactions that occur. But due to a mix up, the world finds out about the secret nation and a bounty is placed on the captains' heads. They all end up scrambling to survive as even shiphands begin muttering about turning in their own captains.

I have about a dozen more of these ideas.

[Anonymous No.1115762]

>>1115757
don't worry i've derailed this thread from what the original topic was. and as far as your writing goes, i like it so much i plan to be the first person to buy your books and subsequently the first to put them up for pirating :)

[Anonymous No.1115764]

>>1115745
No worries, not joking though if I picked up a book with a synopsis of that'd I'd buy it before I could get my wallet out.

I have similar problems writing in terms of finding time especially since I don't graduate until next year from a course that has absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd like to do with my life.

My biggest problem though is whenever I come up with a good plot all I can do with it is think how similar it is to 'this or that' movie I've seen or book I've read.

Your idea is genuinely unique, I have never seen anything like it. Certainly you could argue it's a combination of some concepts but it's definitely got multiple unique plot points.

What I really like is that it explores a protagonist who is almost an anti-hero in terms of how selfish and jealous he is, whereas the common protagonist is selfless and humble.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115768]

>>1115757

Ok, so from what I can see, you have a story outline and a list of details that create a world, but not much of an actual story. This is totally ok, In fact, all my stories start off similarly-- I build the world and all the characters and plot out the major actions and arcs I want to take place

But once you've done all of that, you need to pick a viewpoint, either a particular character or a group of characters and tell the action through their eyes. This doesn't mean that it needs to be 1st person perspective all the time, but you definitely want more of your description coming from the actions and character's thoughts than from a disembodied 3rd person voice, otherwise it sounds like you're telling the details of a story, not the story itself.

If you're really set on the 3rd person omniscient, then think about breaking your action by dates, as in, "Sept. 34, 2XXX, 8:32pm" as a chapter/section heading, and then go from there. You could tell it like a scientific or historic journal that way, like Jekyll & Hyde or Island of Dr. Moroe.

[Anonymous No.1115777]

>>1115700
>>1115700
>>1115700

go watch the movie man on earth

[Anonymous No.1115784]

what about a story about a guy who has writers block

[Anonymous No.1115788]

>>1115768
agreed, i will have to go back and perspective other than my own as and add detail

that still leaves the question of dealing with my writers block however...i've been stuck on this point for more than 6 months and really want to continue onwards

[Cooltop No.1115797]

I want to write a story about an american who goes to china, and finds out it's not what he expected

[Anonymous No.1115800]

>>1115784
i kinda think that kinda fits in with the movie secret window but if you could add in your own kind of twist. in secret window the character went crazy and was being stalked by an imaginary person and carried out acts as this person (similar to fight club)...for your story the writer could become paranoid and think that everyone is out to get him, that they are all trying to stop him from finishing his story for one reason or another

[Anonymous No.1115804]

>>1115788
If you've been stuck on a scene for so long then you're just wasting time. Books don't have to be written chronologically, you can write them like you would film a movie. If you're having trouble moving on, skip ahead and write something nearer the middle, or write an action scene. I always find that action scenes pump me up to continue writing the boring scenes.

Alternatively you could have written yourself into a corner (I don't have time to read your whole story), you may be left with nothing but to back up a little bit and re-write it differently with the next event in mind so that you can get through it this time.

As another note, I always find that if I plan to continue writing where I left off soon (i.e. the next day) that if you stop writing in the middle of a sentence that next time you come back to it, just by having to finish that sentence you can get back into the story and continue on easily.

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115810]

>>1115788

Onwards with describing the Lupine mancreatures, or onwards from the end of the pastebin?

As far as the wolf creature, think of it like you're the one walking through that hall, that you're the one that gets assaulted and your life depends on conveying to someone else what happened--Not so much in accurate detail, but in emotional truth, you want someone to feel what you felt when you got assaulted by that wolf creature.

So sit and imagine: What would you see? Glints of bared tooth, an elongated face, colored eyes, matte fur rising in clumps on the crest of the back, the forearms, the chest, reverse-joint knees, dripping fluids from the mouth and eyes

What do you hear? Rumbling bass emanating from his throat, the screeching sound of bone claws scraping pavement floor, heavy, heavy breathing that seems to be slowly crushing your heartbeat, the violent snap of jaws seeking purchase, but missing (just barely!).

What do you smell? Bitter, acrid urine. Fecal smell that makes your stomach rise into your mouth, your eyes burn like you've been maced. You can smell/taste the hot, desperate breath, the pungent odor of wet fur mixed with the sharp bitterness of human BO, the sourness of the saliva, the smell of rotting meat and bones from animal carcasses used for feed.

[Anonymous No.1115814]

How about a story about a girl who falls in love with a guy and goes on about a dozen dates wearing various disguises each time to find out what kind of girl he likes. He ends up asking for a second date from all twelve of them and she ends up having to balance twelve different personalities until she finds out which one he loves the most. She becomes so involved in each identity, that they become increasingly separate. Finally, she ends up with full on schizophrenia and hallucinates all twelve instances trying to kill each other. And her. This last bit happens during a last date where she ends up trying to shoot kill them all, but ends up killing the guy in the process. In his last dying words, he confessed that he knew that it was just her the whole time and he rolled with it just to be with her more since each personality was the same at its core, but with just a different facade for each one.

[Anonymous No.1115815]

>>1115800
its actualy the basis for a short film script i wrote.

check it out. its due Monday so i want to get feed back and finish it up before then

http://pastebin.com/2iZNEidV

[Anonymous No.1115817]

>>1115804
i'm new to writing, this is the first thing i've ever actually written (not counting all the stuff i attempted to do back in high school for assignments)
perhaps i should move on and try to write another part and return to this part, i'll give it a shot and see if my mind becomes unclogged

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115832]

>>1115810

once you've got the graphic details, think how you would most successfully convey it.

"I entered the chamber. It was dark, and I immediately felt a wrongness in that dark. Passing the threshold of the doorway, a hot acrid blast hit my face so hard I almost thought i'd been struck. I gagged, tasted a nightmare version of what i'd had for lunch, but I kept it down and started taking steps.

I saw eyes, so many shifting eyes hiding in corners behind those bars. They'd catch the light and it'd fixate me to the spot. I hadn't seen human eyes look so fierce, or so vividly colored-- flaming amber, a seething, venomous emerald, smoldering mahogany brown. Were they really fierce human eyes? Perhaps they were animal eyes with an angry, violent, seductively intelligent humanity behind them.

One set returned my stare, tracked my movements in the dark room. It didn't blink, and this unnerved me to no end. Before I knew it, I had backed away far enough to be near the opposite caged wall. I felt a hot breath cascade down the back of my collar and felt my veins tighten and the color drain from face, like my spirit and resolve had liquefied and were flowing down my trouserlegs, spilling onto the floor and taking my confidence with them.

[Anonymous No.1115834]

>>1115810
the lupine mancreatures and the end of paste bin are one and the same...at this point in the story the group has left the cells that lie beneath the surface are are now in an out door enclosure used to allow some of the human like subjects to get out and about in the sun light and interact with one another all the while studying their behavior. so these wolf like man creatures are freely roaming around in blue hospital uniforms in a small grassy area that has a few trees for shade and is surrounded by very high walls and guard towers.

[Anonymous No.1115836]

>>1115817
Yep, there's nothing wrong with learning on the fly.

Also I forgot to mention that if you get stuck but haven't back into a corner, then try starting to write a short story, this should get your creative juices flowing so that you can get back into your other story

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115840]

>>1115834

Woops! shit i misread that, I thought the Lupine creatures were the ones that snapped at the guy through the bar, didn't realize the hairy people at the end of the pastebin were what you were talking about : /

[Anonymous No.1115844]

The doctor begins to walk towards a female subject sitting under a tree about 20 feet away, after walking half way there he realizes that nobody is following him and turns around to see the board members standing very close together in the same spot. With a sigh Doctor Reizei walks over to the female subject and extends his hand downward towards her. She takes it; he helps her to her feet and leads her over to the crowd and stops about 5 feet in front of them. She stands about 5’10’’ and appears to be about 20 years old, brown eyes set wide apart almost as if they were migrating the side of her head but far enough to the front of her head to where she can see what’s directly in front of her. Also on her race is a series of pits running from just behind her nose to half way back to her ears arcing upwards. Her skin appears to be caucasian but seems to have a very slight green tint, even odder about her skin is that it appears she has patches scales on her elbows, backs of her hands, ankles, head, and other places, and she was completely hairless, and has a breast size of about 30 inches.

The doctor tilts the girl’s head back slightly and points to the silver metal collar with a red light in the center that she wears around her neck.

[Anonymous No.1115845]

Reizei: “All the subjects kept in building ‘B’ wear these collars which have a variety of features to help control the subjects such as tracking chips that tells us their location. Every guard in this area carries a remote that controls the collars; if a subject becomes overly aggressive a guard can use their remote to subdue the subject through the collar, which will deliver a strong electric shock. The remotes have two settings, one that allows them to single out a subject from a crowd by pointing directly at them and another that covers a wide area to subdue numerous subjects at once. An electronic shock is also delivered to a subject if he or she attempts to enter a restricted area. This bring up another use for the remotes, they can shut the collars off and act as a ‘key’ used to remove the collars. This is how we are able to allow them so much freedom safely.”

He speaks to the female.

Reizei: “Introduce yourself my dear”

Female subject: “Yes-s S-sir” She speaks with a very slight hiss in her voice.

[Anonymous No.1115850]

The crowd lets out a small gasp and one of the board members speaks.

Random Board member: “It can talk!”

Reizei: “She! She can talk not ‘It’.”

The subject turns to face the General and the board members.

Female subject: “Greetings-s, my name is-s Margaret, ID number two four s-seven zero two zero (2470-20) and it is-s very nice to meet you.”

Reizei: “Thank you dear.”

He reaches into the pocket of his lab coat and pulls out a small bag. He opens the bag and removes a small item from it that looks like chocolate and hands it to Margaret.

Reizei: “Here you go.”

She takes the treat and begins to happily munch on it with a big smile.

[Anonymous No.1115853]

Reizei: “This subjects primary genome, human genome excluded, comes from a variety of snakes. This results in obvious patches of scales and lack of hair anywhere on her body and the odd placement of her eyes. It’s also the reason for these ‘pits’ on her face; they are actually heat sensing organs. This means she can ‘see’ body heat. Speaking of body heat, she is warm blooded like any mammal but she can’t produce body heat as well as our bodies can, this means that she and subjects like her are not suited for cold environments.”

Margaret: “I can also unhinge my jaw, you wanna see?”

She begins to demonstrate when the doctor stops her.

Reizei: “I think that will be enough for now my dear, have another treat and enjoy the rest of your time outside.”

Margaret: “Yes-s doctor, thank you.”

She takes another piece of chocolate from him and walks off with a smile. As she leaves one of the board members speaks up.

Random Board member: “Doctor do all of the subjects here have names and what’s the purpose of giving them names?”

[Anonymous No.1115856]

Reizei: “All of the subjects kept in building ‘B’ have a name, we assign them one at ‘birth’. The purpose of giving them a name is to promote some level of an individual identity. Soldiers in a unit in the field must work together as a single entity but each soldier must perform their own set of tasks in order to maintain this single entity and this makes having individual identities for each solider important, it allows them to operate separately within the unit. It’s the same thing with these subjects.”

Another Board member: “And the chocolate? What’s its purpose?”

Reizei: “What’s the purpose of giving a dog treats?”

Some of the board members murmur and nod approval.

Reizei: “How about a quick walk around of the grounds before heading inside the building.”

The board members nod their approval.’

Reizei: “Right then, this way.”

He leads them over towards the obstacle course where they see what looks like a tall white male in army fatigues watching over a line of subjects in their early-teens performing push ups while a black male in army fatigues barks at a number of subjects in their mid-teens running the obstacle course.

[Anonymous No.1115857]

Reizei: “Here you can see some of the physical training we put the subjects through, it’s pretty much just standard military stuff. During early childhood years a humans brain is still developing and is able to learn easily and it is during their teenage years that they are able to easily strengthen their bodies in terms of bone and muscle development, the same holds true for our subjects and we take advantage of these points of accelerated growth. When our subjects are young we begin schooling them in speaking and reading the worlds major languages including English, Japanese, Russian, German, French, and Spanish. We also begin teaching them mathematics, military history, and some basic sciences, and various other things. As the subjects begin to approach the ‘teenaged’ part of their life we add in physical training and conditioning along with basic military training and tactics. Upon reaching adult hood we teach we begin to focus less on education and step down the physical training only slightly. The focus of their early adult hood ‘stage’ is advanced combat training and specialization training.”

Random Board member: “Doctor Reizei, can you tell us some more about the ‘specialization’ training. What do you specialize them for?”

Reizei: “Yes, of course. Some of these subjects are created for a specific purpose above and beyond simply being your average human-animal hybrid super soldier such as survival in a specific environment; jungle, desert, artic, etc, or things such as to be expert marksmen for snipping or super stealthy with extra sharp reflexes for assassin type soldier. Not all subjects receive such specialized training and not all are just the average super solider, some have been created simply as experimentation with different animal genomes, an example of this is what we call the ‘vampire class’ solider.”

[Anonymous No.1115859]

Random Board member: “Vampire class? Are you trying to tell us that you’ve created vampires?”

Reizei: “Not really, we just call them that because the majority of their animal DNA comes from bats namely vampire bats. Though their eyesight is not the best they have excellent hearing and can use echolocation. We have engineered them to be very fast and agile with the reflexes of a cat and they have the standard super human strength. We give them specialized training in night operations, stealth, close quarters and hand to hand combat.”

As the group continues to walk they pass by a group of about 8 young very hairy young men and women...

[Anonymous No.1115861]

thats it...thats as far as i've gotten. what are your thoughts?

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115872]

>>1115861

You've got a lot you can work with here, but you need to decide what direction you're taking and what angle you're coming from. You could totally do like a fucked up, mature, X-men type thing with young adults coming to grips with their difference while dealing with harsh military lifestyle and the ever present threat of death, or you could do it as a study of defining humanity, the ethics of "uplifting" non-self-aware lifeforms, and do it as a biohoror type thing, mainly engaging in the politics of scientific research.

Or you could be baller and combine both, but that might require a complicated perspective and the introduction of fake "scientific journals", "news reports" etc. that you can insert between chapters.

That'll determine where you go next. Do you switch focus to the lives and perspectives of the subjects, or do you see it through the researchers eyes.

As for the Wolf group, how lupine do you want them? I feel like to be in line with the snake girl, you can easily have them just barely wolfish - low hairlines, a little above average body hair, strong, rectangular nose bridges, maybe the rings of the nostrils are slightly lighter than the rest of their skin, ears that are a bit fuzzy and slightly pointed, etc.

What kind of conflict do you want to introduce basically? you could have a riot start right there mid tour, you could have a genetic therapy session go horribly wrong later that day, you could have a small set or even just one animal folk escape and take his perspective, after the tour you could have a researcher secretly be interacting with the youths, telling them things he shouldn't, trying to help them out, etc.

[Anonymous No.1115885]

>>1115872
what i plan to do is have the tour continue on and eventually the board members shall meet Jean, one of the main protagonists of the story, at which point the board members along with the doctor and the general shall enter a small observatory room that looks down on an arena inside of Buidling B. Jean shall be standing in the center of the arena alone. a small girl who is another one of the test subjects enters the observatory room and presents the doctor with a CD, after a bit of dialogue the doctor shall put the CD into a player and music will begin to play into the arena, if this was for a TV show i would haveing something like Big Gun or TNT by AC/DC play. Heavily Armored Guards would enter the area with tazer sticks similar to what you see the guy in the pic carrying. they begin to attack Jean and he fends them off easily all the while Jean is playing the air guitar to go along with the song...cont VVV

[Anonymous No.1115897]

next the guards would quickly exit the area some dragging along conscious comrades. Jean picks up two of the tazzer sticks and prepars himself from another assualt. this time a large beat enters the arena, the same one that scared the bored member earlier and jean successfuly fends it off fairly easily...


also forgot to mention that the little girl is cossette, she is also a major character is is always by Jean's side as if he was her older brother

(I've chosen the characters name to make a reference to Les Miserables, my favorite play)

[Anonymous No.1115898]

>>1115897
typo correction

unconscious comrades

[Anonymous No.1115905]

>>1115365

Jean Claude Van Damme was awesome in that movie

[Anonymous No.1115907]

in case you haven't figured it out. the arena scene partially references the Ultra Violet movie because it has some very good fight scenes but mostly its a chance for the board members (and subsequently the readers) to see just what our "hero" can do...

[Anonymous No.1115909]

>>1115905
Whats the name of the movie?

[Alexander Hope !I8cktefpbI No.1115912]

>>1115897

I like the potential for that scene, Jean's totally channeling some DMC3 Dante. What kind of animal is he? Is Cossette? You should be classy and have plot direction/themes directly tie in to their animal personas.

As for where to go, I really agree with Vonnegut's advice that you should craft your characters as lovingly as possible, and then do terrible, heartwrenching things to them, while still loving them as hard as ever.

Tradgedy, or more generally, conflict that isn't easily resolved and/or complicates situations and characters is what makes a story gripping. As it stands you've got a collection of cool scenes that showcase characters, it might be time to start taking those characters and fucking them royally.

[Anonymous No.1115925]

>>1115909
Universal Soldier. Came out in the early 90s

[Anonymous No.1115930]

>>1115912
i haven't decided what animals Jean and Cossette draw heavily on. i think i might just have them be equal parts of a large number and not really bother to list any of them. i've toyed with the idea of making cossette and Jean essentially the same type of subject the only differences being their age and gender, even making cossette an altered form of Jeans directly, so it would almost be like they are twins born years apart.

I do have some plans for some real hear wrenching stuff. such as:
The General has a daughter, she is...well around 26 - 28 and has an assassin/super spy like job for the US government, she is sent out to try to gain the trust of the Jean and the other subjects that have escaped. Jean and the generals daughter (alma/alice) fall in love but she betrays him as is her job, they end up in combat and ultimately he is forced to kill her...for a TV show i might just have head strong by trap playing

This is eventually leads to one of the other escaped subjects (who i have yet to design or name yet) being captured and tortured (in a fashion similar to that done to Snake in Metal Gear Solid) by the general who is distraught over the death of his daughter. he tries to get the currently nameless subject to tell him where Jean and the others are hiding...for a TV show i would have Break You by drowing pool play...

[Anonymous No.1115933]

>>1115912
also what is DMC3 Dante?


>>1115925
I've seen that movie, those soldiers are technologically enhanced, kinda got the cyborg thing going, my characters are more...Dark Angle type

[Anonymous No.1115936]

>>1115930
typo correction. Hear wrenching = heart wrenching

[Anonymous No.1115947]

>>1115930

you know, for the way you're thinking about your scenes, and the style that you're writing in, you might want to look at formating it into a screenplay for a television pilot. People writing tend to think that books or movies are the only option, but TV shows do have to come from somewhere, and your idea is sounding like a better version of Alias, and that did pretty damn well.

Even if you still want it in book form, it couldn't hurt and wouldn't be that much effort to segment off a fat chunk in the beginning for the pilot and divide the rest into episodes. Hell, you could do it now, before you've started rewriting it as a written story, then you could have the television screenplay floating around the agency slushpiles while polishing up the novel version, then you've drastically increased your chances of someone from somewhere picking it up.

[Anonymous No.1115957]

>>1115947
i don't really care if it ever gets published, i figured i'd write it as best i can then just set it afloat on the internet and see what happens with it but as for the actually writing part i've kinda got it all mixed up. to me some parts seem best for a book or comic and others seem best for a movie and yet others seem best for a TV series

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1115960]

>>1115947

woops, forgot my trip, and I meant Dark Angel and not alias, lol i always confuse the names with those.

>>1115933

Devil May Cry 3, the protagonist Dante engages in lots of over the top fight scenes where he's eating pizza, adjusting his rock music, and doing all sorts of crazy stuff while whooping ass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtiXwvni6ng

[Anonymous No.1115965]

can ya'll help me get from the point i am at now to the arena scene i described as i said i'm pretty much stumped

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1115987]

>>1115965

oh, i figured you answered that already with >>1115885

You could just have the wolf people pass by, maybe one of them gives a smartass growl at one of the tour members. You could have Jean be someone that steps in then to tell him to back the fuck off, and he will, because Jean's a badass, and that'd be a fine way to introduce him. You could then have the professor thank him, and tell him to be in the training arena in 10 minutes, and then have the professor walk with the tour and cossette to the edge of the nature area, exit, and ride some kind of elevator up to the observation deck. In the elevator, you can have the professor introduce some more back story on jean and properly introduce cossette as well, maybe have her shyly answer some questions. Elevators are great chronotopes that can be used in a variety of ways.

[Anonymous No.1116010]

>>1115987
ok i think i got something here.


As the group continues to walk they pass by a group of about 8 young very hairy young men and women. As they pass the young man leading the pack of subjects stiff shoulders one of the board members knocking him to the side. The Doctor reels around and produces a remote from his pocket with which he takes aim at the male’s collar. Before anyone in the crowd can blink the male subject is crying out in pain on the ground and twitching a little bit as an electrical jolt runs through his system. The doctor begins to scold the subject as if he were a dog.

Reizei: “No...Bad boy, you do not do that, you submit, bad, very bad.”

He releases the button on the remote which he has kept trained on the subjects collar and the jolt stops

[Anonymous No.1116025]

The subject whimpers as he slowly stands himself up with some help from one of the females. He hangs his head and speaks with a rough growling voice.

Subject: “My apologies Doctor.” He turns to face the man he knocked over and speaks. “I am sorry, it will not happen again”

Reizei: “Good, now move along.”

The subjects quickly move away from the crowd to the opposite side of the field.

Reizei: “I’m sorry about that sir, that’s was a wolf pack and he was attempting to assert his dominance, an inherent trait I’m afraid.”

[Anonymous No.1116036]

Reizei: “I’m sorry about that sir, that’s was a wolf pack and he was attempting to assert his dominance, an inherent trait I’m afraid. Now as for this remote, as you can see it controls the collars, I can set it to effect only one collar at a time in which it will effect the collar directly in front of it or I can set it to effect all collars in a wide area, this is accomplished by narrowing or widening the beam that it emits. Anyways, let us hurry up now I have someone I would like you to meet and a demonstration for you all”

He makes his way to the building that sits at the center of the walled in area, and hurries the crowd inside, where a young man and a small girl are waiting.

(this is where I introduce Jean and Cossette. I’m going to keep writing and I’ll start this thread again later or maybe tomorrow if anyone is interested)

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1116037]

>>1116010
>>1116025

That's good, it makes logical sense for wolf characters, I can't imagine an alpha male of a manwolf pack being any kind of polite until he has dominance asserted over him.

you could follow that up by having the director say that now he's going to introduce them to his star subject, and have Jean off in his own little part of the nature area, either training or just sleeping, with cossette sitting and watching whatever it is he's doing

[Anonymous No.1116040]

>>1116037
i think i like that better then haveing them waiting inside of the building....
i think i'll stick them under a tree near the building. Jean sitting with his legs outstretched and Cosette nestled up against him asleep as he watches over her, starts to show what kind of relationship they have

[Anonymous No.1116042]

A lush world in the prime of it's existence. A world of magic and wonders. A world caught in a war for ultimate control. The forces of darkness are moving in to destroy this world and harvest the collective unconscious of every magic user on the planet. The power of this untapped energy source will be used to fuel the furnaces of their own world, to forge weapons and further their domination of the universe. A weak psychic will discover the secret to harnessing this power without draining it. Essentially, he will discover the secret to Godhood. With the belief of an entire world pulsing through his veins, he fights off wave after wave of invaders. With his planet saved he turns his attention back to his new subjects. What is more powerful than belief. Fear.

[Boyz.N.Toyz !!vetarWk+9Ur No.1116046]

I had an idea where a middle class family adopts a child from what they believe is a third world country. In reality he and several others that have been adopted in the same city are child soldiers sent to strike the U.S. with a terrorist attack. The story is told like a journal through the eyes of the child and he writes in broken english. The soldier finds many American customs odd and believes that they are all perverted murderers as his communist/socialist country raised him to believe. Eventually their plan is revealed near the end of the book, but the child has became attached to his new family and fails to initiate the operation.

[Anonymous No.1116056]

so yea i'm going to head to bed as its almost 4 am my time. i think i'll come back and post what i have written again tomorrow if any of you are interested.
I call the story Children of the Genome...can't come up with much else for a tittle. if anyone is interested feel free to check back at random times tomorrow until you find me. will most likely be after 9pm EST. hope to see you guys back here you have all been so very helpful

[Anonymous No.1116070]

I wanna write a short story about three girls at a Catholic boarding school in Melbourne, mid-1980s. One is Malay from Singapore, one is overly British, and the other is old money rich from a dying town in the country. The prep school is really old and over the time it's been there a red light district sprung up all around it. This trio think they're the undisputed bad girls of the fifth form, until they venture out past curfew one night and it sort of breaks their teeny little minds to see what the big city is really like. One of them, however, is also a bit nuts, so there is a touch of magical realism in the way she interprets the world. Also, LESBIANS.

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1116071]

>>1116056

No problem, I really like this idea of using 4chan productively to workshop lol, I'll try to create some workshop threads too when I have the time. My trip is just by author pseudonym, I'd love it if we could eventually get a collection of writing trips on this board, it would be easier to track each other's stories and help each other out

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1116083]

>>1116070

Hawt. I also have a raging hard-on for magical realism.

>>1116046

I really like this, but beware that something like this would be slammed critically if you didn't make sure your child soldier behavior research wasn't spot on, or at least believable. You don't get much leeway when you pick topics like that unfortunately. But the premise, especially as written from a near-illiterate child's perspective as he grows and learns, is gold

>>1116042

Would the central action of the story be fighting off the invaders? as in, you have a book or two where he grows and fights them off, and then becomes a tyrant, or does the growing and invader repelling happen in the beginning, and then the story is about his tyranny? Either way has potential, but regardless, once he switches to asshole, you're going to need to introduce basically a new main character that will contrast against him. People don't like reading about straight up villains, it has to be balanced against something.

[Anonymous No.1116095]

>>1116083
>>1116046

[Anonymous No.1116107]

a young man.
charming, arrogant, witty, vain
has a great life, girlfriend, well paying job.
gets turned into a cat

he has cat adventures with his various animals friends and learns about life. he falls in love with another cat. but then he's changed back into a man.

he fucks the cat as a man and produces monster cat/human babies who multiply quickly and wreak havoc in the world

the story is a romance about his girlfriend falling in love with a cat monster

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1116109]

>>1116095

Snap, well I guess I got trolled. On the flipside, i wasn't aware of this book and one quick wikipedia search later-- Fuck yes this sounds awesome I must read this

[Anonymous No.1116122]

A girl discovers she has the ability to clone herself if she concentrates. Rich, ambitious young man befriends her in order to take advantage of this. What follows is a politicial career, the trafficking of clones in order to fund said career, and lots of ruminations on whether said clones count as people or not.

[Alexander Hope !k9eskzeApU No.1116130]

>>1116122
>>1116122

I like this, it can be taken pretty far down a variety of differnt paths, and can easily hit just about every hot-button issue that's flying around these days.

I gotta sleep, but I'll create my own idea workshop thread probably tomorrow afternoon if anyone's interested.

[Anonymous No.1117348]

I was reading the Road (possibly spoilers, I guess) and at the part when they got to the bunker where they had all the food and everything they needed to survive for a while, I started to think, would they get bored, and purposely take the dangerous route? They had spent the entire book moving, heading south, trying to survive, but always moving. They'd find decent shelter and maybe stay there a few days at most, but they could never stay long.

But then they stumble across this bunker (like the type people made in case of a nuclear attack), they could live there for months, it had tons of food, and all the supplies they'd ever need. It'd be possible to hide the entrance with a bit of work, they had finally found what they were looking for the whole book, a better place where they could survive easily. But what would they do? Why would they stay? What was the point of surviving if they had nothing to do the whole time, they had their survival handed to them, when for the past 3 years they've had to spent every waking minute working for it. Could they just settle down? I'm not saying it like how it's sometimes hard for a soldier to ease back into civil life, just would it be possible for them to live in this world just day by day, with nothing to do. Their days would consist of sitting in the bunker, passing the time. They weren't completely in the clear, they couldn't spend much time outside lest somebody happens on their hideout. So they'd have to spent the majority of their time inside the bunker. Would they do it? Or would they decide to leave, go back in the dangerous world, but giving their life a false-purpose again? Before they just aimlessly walked south, to escape the cold winter, yeah, but they had no plans for what to do once they reached a safe place. And they did, but they still moved on.

1/2, made the post a bit too long.

[Anonymous No.1117352]

>>1117348
Of course, in the book they had their reasons, they couldn't hide the entrance, the supplies weren't enough to last long, bandits and cannibals were nearby, etc. But would they have still moved on even if they had no reason to, other than missing a purpose in life? What reason did they even have to live? When they finally reached a safe place, they'd have to face their own mortality. What was the purpose of life, why did they try so hard to survive? But now that they can survive, what's the point?

I dunno, I'd just like to see a book touch on these points. Don't know why McCarthy didn't in the Road, maybe he couldn't figure out how to do it right, or it conflicted with his original message, but it seems like it would've been pretty interesting.

[Anonymous No.1117363]

I've been writing a story about a man who has a different 'job' every day of the week. Monday he takes senior citizens grocery shopping, Wednesday he ghost-writes political speeches, Saturdays he reads ticket stubs at a highway checkpoint.

And though they are seemingly unrelated jobs, I would like them to all tie together in the end.

[Anonymous No.1117371]

>>1117363
6/10 for an entertaining read if you tie them together.
3/10 if it ends up being a political conspiracy.

[Anonymous No.1117399]

>>1114906
Hey OP - where is your image from? Can I use it on my site or/and have you got one without the sentence?

[Anonymous No.1117444]

I'm trying to decide between writing this for kids or something more adult. Any suggestions are appreciated.

It's story about a little girl who lives in a forest. Throughout Spring and Summer she plays with her animal friends, and during winter she sleeps inside a magical maple tree. She doesn't age, and every time she wakes up her memories have been completely erased. She befriends a little boy, and he visits her every year, even though she always forgets. One winter, long after the boy has passed away, a forest fire destroys the tree and she dies in her sleep.

If it's adult: she was a little girl who died in the forest hundreds of years ago, and the tree was retaining her memory. The opening segment will be written ala a child's fairy tale where she first meets him. Then it switches narrative to the boy's perspective, where we deal with his aging, and his struggle to forget her and move on with his life. The ending will be the tree's dying memories, and alludes that he was not the only one.

If it's for kids: the maple tree had saved her as she was dying. When it's destroyed she remembers everything, and in heaven she lives with the little boy happily every after.

[Anonymous No.1117518]

>>1117444
Make it a kid's book with the adult's message, but only if you look closely and read into it, at first glance it's a normal kid's story. Those are usually the best kind of kid's stories, Pixar does that kind of thing all the time with their movies.

[Anonymous No.1117524]

>>1117444
Good shit bro, I agree though, write it for kids with the adult message. Adults won't be as interested in reading it even if there's high emotional attention but kids will read it anyway.

Think: Bridge To Terabithia

Boy and girl become best friends and invent a magical world, girl dies, boy is heartbroken and it's all very sad but the movie was still marketed at kids (albeit misleadingly as an adventure story).

[Anonymous No.1117546]

a story about an agent of a multidimensional agency. he has to kill hitler in as most dimensions as possible, and encounters some difficulties on earth 231.333. his briefing said he had to replace stauffenberg with an android, that has an atomic bomb in his chest that will kill hitler for sure.

however, after he got the real stauffenberg and replaced him, getting beamed to the homebase. there are a few problems. the real stauffenberg holds his operator hostage, he is also an android of unknown origin. it's established that the android is operated by a scientist of said earth, who didn't get born in any other universe. he has gotten technology from another earth, and thus can travel through the multiverse, ensuring the master race succeeds everywhere. they manage to kill the android but loose track of the scientist.

story so far.

[Damphair !E5g5GmbE/U No.1117550]

100 years after an enormous deluge bands of survivors living on boats attempt to restart civilization by finding a reliable source of building material.

[Anonymous No.1117560]

>>1117546
>>1117550
Shouldn't you be in bed? You probably have elementary school to attend tomorrow.

[Damphair !E5g5GmbE/U No.1117570]

>>1117560
haters gonna hate

[Anonymous No.1117573]

>>1117560

it is supposed to be pulp and will have that style.

anyway, how's your wine, mr. fancy pants?

[Anonymous No.1117577]

>>1117573
When did pulp start meaning young children tier storylines?

Do you mean, the story is a satire on shitty stories in general?

[Anonymous No.1117594]

Man in an apocalyptic setting where he stumbles onto a house where there's four people. He was just about to commit suicide, but they convince him to try and save them, so he does. Eventually he gains purpose again by keeping these people alive, but they start dropping off. By the end he smothers the last one with a pillow because she's in too much pain.

[Anonymous No.1117604]

>>1117594
What do you mean "save them"? Do they have a disease, or what?

[Anonymous No.1117608]

>>1117550
Cool/10 decent pulp fiction.

>>1117546
Lame/10

Here's a brief summary of what I've got cookin'. It's going to be a short story.

So there's this guy named Issac. He's a Nazi conscript. He is in Stalingrad during Germany's invasion of Russia. What ensues is a lite-existentialist tale with a touch of surrealism. Issac's squad must traverse the ruined and depressing urban mazes of Stalingrad on seemingly futile missions, while still attempting to have faith in the German army. Issac himself turns to reminiscence of his younger, happier days. Gradually, however, they become confused with his fantasies and dreams. Similarly, conflicting reports of the situation regarding the conflict raging around them only adds to his sense of disorientation and anxiety. After becoming the only surviving member of a squad after a particularly nasty firefight, he deserts his army alongside a young woman - a Russian sniper that also decided to flee the army's ranks. Gazing at the ruin surrounding them, they decide to part ways and attempt to leave Stalingrad, thus leaving behind them the self-destructive currents of mankind. In a way, Issac and the woman are supposed to become different variations of the Second-Man.

[Boyz.N.Toyz !!vetarWk+9Ur No.1117944]

>>1117608
9.5/10

[Anonymous No.1118119]

bamp

[Anonymous No.1118140]

>>1117608
i like the premise but how would a kraut manage to walk away from stalingrad, he's over a thousand miles from home and surrounded by a people that despise him, i like your setup but it seems a tad shortsighted on the soldiers end, and the female sniper role seems a little overdone when it comes to the eastern front

[Anonymous No.1118160]

So, there's this old man, right? He lives by himself in a retirement home. His immediate family is either dead (in the case of direct children and wife) or estranged (grandchildren and the like). His wife died only a few years ago, and finally, in his despair and loneliness, he commits suicide.

He wakes up the next day, a younger man (30-ish) married to a woman he's never met, and has children he has never seen before. He is living in a completely different state/country/whatever than before: his entire life is different.

The plot deals with his inability to let go of his past and refusal to move on.

Not sure if how he was reborn ever becomes relevant, but that seems very unlikely.

[Anonymous No.1118185]

>>1118160

tentative bump

[Anonymous No.1118202]

>>1118160
5/10. Sounds a little too depressing. How would it end? Does he comes back to being old with a renewed outlook on life? Does he stick to his new family and learn to love them? Is it supposed to end up positive and "feel good" or negative and desperate?

[Anonymous No.1118211]

>>1118202

It would probably end in a positive note. I mean, there's a lot of ways it could work out.

He could completely refuse his new life, and live unhappily.
He could accept his new life, and stay with the new family.
Or he could accept the new life, and return to his old one with a positive outlook. Maybe try to reconnect with the family he has left?

I like the third option the best. And the whole denial phase wouldn't last forever, obviously.

[Anonymous No.1118218]

I'm thinking of writing a story about a man who likes to carry weapons wherever he goes, and gets into lots of gunfights. every time he gets into a gunfight, there'll be a picture of the battle, and also a sound effect like in those cards that you open and they play kool and the gang, but only this will be a gunshot sound.
ao it's basically like a book version of tekken, except there's no yoshimitsu, and the idea is that paul phoenix is running a newsagents in london, and basically its about the adventures of the man who paul phoenix hires to guard his shop. Paul suffers from depression, and is trying to rediscover himself after quitting the iron fist tournament, and finds solace through the company of armour king, who plays a sort of confidant role. armour king has become a successful journalist writing for the guardian, but has become disillusioned with the left wing stance of the newspaper, and longs for the old days of violent beat-em-up confrontation that tekkens 1 thru 6 provided him with.
it will be a touching, nostalgic exploration of suburban life after major video game franchising.

[Anonymous No.1118260]

>>1118160
Tentative 5.

[Anonymous No.1118268]

I was thinking or writing an epic fantasy about 2 warring groups. Both groups are trying to find an ancient relic that was created by the deity that also created their world. The relic (a mask) grants the user the ability to "restore balance" to the world. They're also trying to find the one person in the world who can use the mask. The person is a young woman. She is torn as to whether or not she should use the mask, or even if the side she's on is the right one.

[Anonymous No.1118273]

>>1118268
3/10

Unless you have something to make it different from every other damn 'restore the balance' type stores, then it could make it to 7/10.

[Anonymous No.1118283]

>>1118273
No one knows what is meant by "restore balance". It's kind of cryptic. Could mean the deaths of millions of people, which brings the argument of whether or not that would actually restore balance/ if it's worth it. Could also mean that it brings about a peaceful end. The main conflict is that the protagonist doesn't think she or anyone else should play god, but something needs to happen quick, because the 2 groups are causing lots of destruction already. I was inspired by current events.

[Anonymous No.1118284]

>>1118283
but upon sitting back and actually reading what I just typed, yes, this is very bland.

[Anonymous No.1118290]

>>1118284
Yep, especially since we all know that shes going to save the world and it turns out restore balance means restore peace and everyone lives happily ever after.

[Anonymous No.1118300]

>>1118290
no, actually she destroys the relic, deeming that the world wasn't worth saving or destroying, and leave it to its own devices. Destroying the mask means she also destroys herself.

[Anonymous No.1118329]

A kid starts to read up about the mechanics of lucid dreaming - writing down techniques, saving money for dream journals, practicing being able to wake up quickly on the weekends... He does this for a month or so, and is finally struck with his first real lucid dream.

In the dream, he starts to play around with his ability to control, and imagine all sorts of things into existence. However, he spots something far across the scope of his dreamscape... Some sort of long, darkness-shrouded corridor. From it, he can here thousands, upon thousands of voices - all speaking. He steps in, and everything goes black.

He awakens in a blasted, twisted landscape without any sort of typical physics, and it's able to shaped by the will of experienced dreamers - a few of whom the protagonist will meet. He, however, seems to lack the ability to wake up...

Characters:
Some sort of Plague Doctor figure to act as mentor
A random assortment of other characters warped, and twisted by their time connected to the subconscious thought of all humans.

What think, /lit/?

[Courage Wolf !penisASZp2 No.1118336]

>>1118329
Delicous Creepypasta bro

[Anonymous No.1118338]

>>1118336

You think it's writable as a novel? I could whip up creepypasta from it in like twenty minutes, but I was thinking of going a tad deeper than that.

[Anonymous No.1118349]

>>1118329
It could work, but what is it that the protag is after? What is the conflict in the story?

[Courage Wolf !penisASZp2 No.1118350]

>>1118338
I dont really see how you could stretch that out into a full length novel.

[Anonymous No.1118355]

>>1118349

The conflict is that the protag can't wake up. They can't get back to their former life - normal, quiet. Yet, here they are in a twisted place where every positive and negative thought that a human has ever had is inflicted upon the landscape in anything ranging from hellish to heavenly scenery. I was thinking that it'd slowly shift from an urge to return home, to a fight for survival as shit starts to hit the fan. How that would work I haven't exactly fleshed out yet. Perhaps some type of group or force that wants to wipe out what exists in this kind of limbo for human thought. Seems a bit cliche, though.

[Anonymous No.1118357]

>>1118350

If I really started fleshing out all the ideas I had for it... It'd gain waaay more substance.

[Anonymous No.1118361]

>>1118355
Okay, was just wondering if you'd given it any thought.

Perhaps he needs to wake up because wouldn't your body die eventually with no food and water?

i.e. he's having a great time being the god of this world but his mind's health weakens and realises he needs to wake up.

[IAVATAR No.1118394]

>>1114931
is this baste on anything???

[Anonymous No.1118398]

>>1118394
>baste

I'm feeling a little nauseous now.

[IAVATAR No.1118401]

>>1114972
lol I like this, this sounds dark and creepy

[IAVATAR No.1118404]

>>1114974
>make book
>blockbuster action movie
>make millions

[Anonymous No.1118427]

I was thinking of writing a short story about a guy and a girl exploring some ruins for some reason. The girl stumbles on some sort of ancient relic and gets taken over by a demon. The guy spends the rest of the story learning to accept the fact that the girl is gone and that the demon is the one that's left. It ends with him saving the demons life somehow and either dying or nearly dying and getting healed by the demon (and riding of into the sunset with her).

It's not nearly as original as some of the concepts in the thread, but I think it could work out.

[IAVATAR No.1118429]

>>1115286
this sound like this book

I ripped it up and put it on fire after I finished it

[the REAL portuguese fireball !W48S2eY4nU No.1118439]

i wanna write a story about a berserker in the crusades who is a skitzo and thinks god is telling him to do all these things he is doing, and grapples with the voice when it tells him to do things he feels isnt right, and ultimately gets killed as someone who was possessed

[Anonymous No.1118444]

A young medical student wakes up one day to discover the mummified corpse of a long dead childhood friend sitting at his kitchen table. Just sitting there, like a piece of furniture, still dressed in the suit he was buried in.
It will pe narrated in the first person and have surreal, absurdist elements. The main conflict of the protagonist will be revolved around the fact that the mummy shows up everywhere and he can't study for an important exam. I want to explore the themes of isolation and how we modern people are obsessed with "not wasting time", to the extent that we waste away our lives.

[Anonymous No.1118445]

>>1118444
Will you explain anything about the mummy popping up or does that just happen for no reason?

>>1118439
He "grapples with the voice"???

[IAVATAR No.1118449]

>>1115700
I was going to say "Highlander" but the bit at the end I like. I like this story a good sci-fi sort of story.

[the REAL portuguese fireball !W48S2eY4nU No.1118452]

>>1118445
when you are a skitzo you hear voices.

i was thinking he would talk to it. kinda in a gollum/smeagle fashion but less comedic and more explorative

[Anonymous No.1118453]

>>1118445

Like I said, it's a pretty surreal tale. It just pops up everywhere he goes. One minute he is straining to read his textbook and when he lifts up his head, it's there, just sitting. The mummy is solid, real, not a ghost.
I've yet to figure out how this will work in relation to other people's presence. The mummy will be gone when others are in the room and then when he is alone it falls out of the closet, for example. Other times it's there but people seem to ignore it. I was thinking of a scene where a cleaning lady in the library treats it like any piece of furniture.

[Anonymous No.1118455]

>>1118453
So the mummy is a manifestation of his isolation and busy life as he attempts to not waste any time?

[Anonymous No.1118465]

>>1118455

Not quite. The mummy is just a plot device tbh. His actions are the way in which I will try to explore those themes. When confronted with the supernatural, he desperately struggles to reject it, because he's obsessed with a petty exam. He begins to believe that the mummy wants to punish him because he is alive and wants to be successful. He's isolated because nobody ever sees the mummy. It's a lot like when we hide our true, imperfect selves from others. We interact but we are still alone.

[Anonymous No.1118467]

OP's image is flawed.

How does the guy get out? Huh? You sacrificed functionality for cuteness.

[Anonymous No.1118474]

Team of P.I's are kidnapped in the near future and are turned into Clockwork robots. They kill the guy who did it, and live in exile for the rest of their lives.

Or maybe one about hackers in maybe two years into the future?

[Anonymous No.1118488]

>>1118474
Nice ideas, although they should be a little more compact. Remember, this thread is for concepts, not entire stories.

Nobody rated mine yet.
>>1118427

[Anonymous No.1118490]

>>1118427
0/10

[Anonymous No.1118493]

>>1118490
>>1118427

is this the premise of an actual book and that is why you gave it 0/10 because i would read this

[Anonymous No.1118564]

>>1115079
my favourite so far

[Anonymous No.1118577]

an eccentric millionaire hermit goes around saving gay cats from their homophobic owners and takes them to live on his big farm in the english country side. Him and the cats live a gay bohemian life style having hot gay cat sex (which will be described in detail) and taking a huge amounts of speed. One night...no fuck it this isn't going anywhere i give up

[Anonymous No.1118585]

I've got one I've been meaning to write for a while now. It's fairly generic Lovecraft in SPAAAACE + spess mehreens, but I still would like to write it just to say I have.

Anyway, an outpost on a barren world sends out a distress signal, and so a band of mercenaries hired by the corporation that funded the colony sends them out to investigate. They find a top secret scientific expedition based around a huge alien city composed of foreboding and vaguely unsettling architecture. Errybody's dead. They start watching some recordings left by the scientists, and gradually learn the history of the alien race. They lived in a semi-utopia, but they fucked up the first time they attempted to utilize hypergate technology, and essentially an elder god emerged and destroyed a good portion of their civilization. The last of their race managed to sealed it away inbetween dimensions using the hypergate, but the seal is weakening and the god’s consciousness is beginning to touch the area. Geometries in the city that at first were mildly confusing become truly alien geometries reminiscent of an Escher landscape and a constantly-shifting maze, and the characters’ sanity begin to erode. After that, I have two endings I've come up with, unless my pals at /lit/ can come up with something else.

1. After attempting to escape, the ship fails and they crash land in the structure they just escaped from, and manage to release the great old one. Bad end ensues.

2. They decide, after making their way through the sanity-damaging maze the complex has become, haul ass out of there. I imagine they are still followed by the elder god's conscience, still whispering things to them, and they go through a jumpgate without any of the necessary precautions, which is known to cause serious damage to the psyche. Anyway, the main character's mind is touched by the elder god while they jump through. Not too sure of where to continue with this, maybe he wakes up in the hospital later with amnesia.

[Anonymous No.1118632]

>>1118585
Seems good enough for a short story for some sci-fi magazine or something. A bit thin to base an entire novel on.

>Robert Faingues
Captcha is even suggesting names for your marines.

[Anonymous No.1118655]

Middle-aged man visits his advanced Alzheimer's-suffering mother in her hursing home up until her death, while the world is going through an 'On The Beach'-type apocalypse.

[Anonymous No.1118666]

>>1114906
Idea: what if these people look normal but due to abnormal amounts of certain chemicals in their bodies could potentially explode at any time?

[Anonymous No.1118687]

>>1115079
this would fucking rule so hard. i smell a pulitzer if it's written right.

[Anonymous No.1118733]

>>1114906
Three men in France, a Frenchman, Russian and Scot. Good friends, doing abstract things and most of it will be written using the cut-up technique and just translating certain chapters in French, Russian and for the Scots chapters just using the the same Edinburgher style Irvine Welsh does.

I'll sell it to pretentious college students who pretend they care for the arts.

[Anonymous No.1118866]

A long-term journey into outer space reveals the mind-bending truth behind the universe, one lone astronaut manages to sends us a message of what happened during the fateful encounter with the unconceivable:

You travel to the edge of the universe,
Only to find that it is but the shadow of being, so unimaginably gigantic that the mere sight of it freezes time.

[What would happen is that the being is made of pure anti-matter and that our own universe is but the shadow cast by him, space-bending trippy-ness ensues.]

[Anonymous No.1119969]

A teenage motorcycle gang named “Lemniscate” in a post-apoclyptic world fights a group of super Mafiosos called the Black Roses.

When they crash into a lost child with fantastic psychic superpowers one night, the leaders of the gang, a set of twin brothers named Kano and Draco, find themselves caught up in a saga involving government agencies, the military, shadowy religious organizations, left-wing guerrilla groups and a legendary, all-powerful psychic child named “Omega.”

[Anonymous No.1119980]

>/lit/ hates fantasy
>all their story ideas are fantasy

[Anonymous No.1119992]

>>1118666
that would be fuckin' awesome. as long as some people ended up exploding on other people and/or exploded while having sex.

also, nice trips.

my idea: a kid watches as people have better lives than him and he has a completely normal, boring life. (comes from when my teachers used to say that the protagonist of the story needs to be the one doing all the actions and having te story centered around him and all.

[Anonymous No.1120013]

>>1117444
that's actually really, really good. 9/10

i'd gear it towards kids, maybe more young adults/late teens. so that you can do more of the adult story and less of the kid one, but still make it have a bit of hope.

i want to read that right now, hahaha. i can almost picture it in my head. get to writing this now

[Anonymous No.1120087]

>>1118866
in what sense is the universe the "shadow" of this being? i'm hoping the story is sheer fantasy, not science fiction.

[Anonymous No.1120113]

>>1119969

Somebody watched Akira last night

[Anonymous No.1120143]

The protag is a man, who has a stream of visions all about the moon, for several years, every night. The story follows his quest to get to the moon.

[Anonymous No.1120163]

A young child witnessess his sister and mother being killed by a man. The boy is a mute, and doesn't speak for 56 years.

After some surgery I'd research later, he suddenly can talk. And can describe the man. The polivce then open up the cold case.

But the man now feels that unless he personally kills him, he can't be happy. So he races the police, and works with them to kill him first

Also, climactic ending, with a confused geriatric, police and an old man

[Anonymous No.1120225]

>>1114972
8/10 great premise.

Mr Johnson an ordinary man on wall street goes to his office on the 5th floor of Bolder & Welder Co. (Wall street company). He is a manager of a finance team and is working to acquire Bigler & Thomson (some small firm that can fulfill their security needs). Mr. Johnson is single, wealthy and a hard worker (working nearly 100 hours a week on the acquisition). One day after work in the office he catches a cab to get a ride home. As he waves the cab down and opens the back passenger door the cab driver pulls out a pistol with a silencer and points it straight at Mr. Johnson's forehead. He informs Mr. Johnson that he will put a bullet through his head if he doesn't tell him where the dark rabbit is. Frighten Mr. Johnson wakes up in his bed with sweat pulling down his face. He realizes he was dreaming. As he wakes up he gets ready for work and returns to room 505 on the 5th floor of Bolder & Welder Co. His secretary informs him that Mr. Cahill is ready to meet with him. Mr. Cahill introduces himself to Mr. Johnson and informs him he is the corporate lawyer that was sent to discuss the terms of the acquisition. As Mr. Johnson shakes Mr. Cahill's hand he has a flash memory in his dream of being implanted in the taxi with a chip embedded in his skin behind the neck. Mr. Johnson keeps his composure and continues his meeting with Mr. Cahill. Later that day Mr. Johnson decides to walk home instead of take a taxi. As he walks home he makes his way to an alleyway full of fog. He continues to walk but swears he has been walking the same path for hours without a change of scenery. As he sits down to rest against a wall he closes his eyes. When he opens them he is in his bed. He checks the back of his neck but feels nothing, but he does notice he is bleeding slightly from the ear. He wasn't dreaming..

too long to continue but like it thus far yes/no?

[Anonymous No.1120239]

bump for a good thread

[Anonymous No.1120247]

>>1115004
the cellular memory and body implants reminds me of another book i've read.

"unwind" by neal shusterman

[Anonymous No.1120263]

Set sometime in the future in a world where television and cinema have become 'superdefinition' (I'll think of a better name) aka better than real life. There will be exploration of how the government controls the population through this, how people struggle to tell the difference between reality and television, and conflict between those who have come to accept it and those who protest. The protagonist(s) would be a regular civilian who accidentally stumbles across how the government is doing it. It is revealed that the television hasn't actually been improved past HD. Instead a mysterious gas is pumped into the air which slowly impaired people's eyesight causing reality to become dull and blurred. However the mutation of the eye makes it perfect for viewing television. Some kind of attempt to reveal this secret to the public. I'm undecided as to who will win.

[Anonymous No.1120307]

>>1120263
7/10

Would be interested in reading this, reminds me of a philip k dicknovel

[Anonymous No.1120965]

Bamp

[Anonymous No.1120981]

Lost in Space...

...In the Bronx.

[Anonymous No.1121229]

>>1119969
>>1119969
>>1119969


Bamp

[Anonymous No.1121282]

>>1115013
Wincest! If done with sense and delicacy 10/10

[Anonymous No.1121294]

>>1115302
This could be great pop fiction.

[Anonymous No.1121318]

A disease causes people to loose their perception of time. The protagonist has to help his father with the disease, but realizes that the only way to help him is to become infected by the disease himself.

[Anonymous No.1121333]

>>1115616
Hills Like White Elephants is a short story. And I would recommend reading more Hemingway. I'd recommend reading more period, actually.

[Anonymous No.1121359]

I wanna write about a future when an anarchist revolution succeeded(not a utopia), and there's a secret society of neoliberals trying to overthrow the establishment. They create propaganda about neoliberalism, how one can be so wealth, wealth enough to own countrys or go to space by their own and lot other things that are impossible in an igualitarian society.
The main character's detective trying find those envolved in this secret society. Theres no police like today, he engage on his investigation by the help of other normal or not so normal people. As this investigation goes, he gets fame and starts to get privilegies because of his "important objectve". A dilema starts when he gets important enough at the point to walk over other people.
How far can one go without crushing other in his society and how far can society let one go without being crushed by this one.

I know my writing sucks, english isnt my frist language

inb4 1984 the secret society isnt run by actual anarchist

[Anonymous No.1121373]

>>1118160
Ignore those people. I don't care if its "depressing." I care about how you would portray the characters. The idea is very interesting. I think you should write it and see where it takes you. Not every story has to end neatly and well. I think some of the best stories don't end "well" for the characters, but that doesn't mean they didn't have moments of joy at certain points within in them.

[Anonymous No.1121399]

A man takes an experimental drug which causes him to hallucinate. Next time he falls asleep he dreams that he's some other guy. He switches between the lives by falling asleep, and it's never stated which life is the real one.

I actually came up with this idea, and saw inception the next day. Feels bad man.

[Anonymous No.1121402]

>>1118355
>>1118329
The food and water thing isn't an issue for this story. Dreams can in real time be a matter of seconds but feel far longer to the dreamer, or vice versa, seem very short but last a long period of time in the conscious world. Or, you could have the character enter a coma. You could even shift between the waking would and the dream world, like strange snap shots of the character in the hospital or whatever. That last part may be a little more cliche, though. All I know is, I like your idea, it's interesting. And I can definitely see potential in a source for conflict (not wanting to return to the real world on a subconscious level perhaps fighting his or herself to get back to that world as the dream world could be in some shape or form a manifestation of his/her conflicts/problems in the real world).

[Anonymous No.1121418]

>>1118453
I don't think you have to explain the mummy thing in the story. After all Kafka wrote Metamorphosis in which the main character just wakes up one day to find he is a giant insect. Don't let people tell you your idea is "too out there" or needs to be explained. I think your idea has potential. I would just be careful not to let it get didactic or too fixated on a "message" about our society. Thematic ideas are wonderful, but I think it's better to create characters, situations, worlds and through writing those find themes and work toward them in the revision process as opposed to trying to make those things fit into a restrictive theme.

[Anonymous No.1121434]

WW1, trenchwarfare, german soldiers charge french trenches, many die, explosions and noises everywhere, hand-to-hand combat ensues, german main character kills a young french soldier by chopping with a shovel, explosions and noises everywhere, protagonist follows a part of the trench where no soldiers are present, noises go away, sees a mineshaft and goes inside, encounters 7 dwarfs and becomes snow white

[Anonymous No.1121454]

An ex-soldier takes pills every night to make him forget traumatic experiences during a futuristic war, which also dull his emotions. The story is told through diary exerpts and follows him meeting someone and not wanting to forget them, so he doesn't take his pills. He slowly recovers him emotions but his nightmares get worse and eventually start to intrude into him waking life. In the end he takes his pills and forgets it all.

The original idea was a sci-fi story in which the sci-fi elements were unknown to the protagonist.

[Anonymous No.1121462]

The story starts with a group of american soldiers at the Normandy landings being yelled at by some private. They then get slaughtered by machine gun fire. Then they're being yelled at by the same private in exactly the same possitions they were in before, with all of the memories of their deaths. They manage to survive the landing this time, only to die later on, and find themselves back at the Normandy landings being shouted at by the same private. Repeat ad nauseum. Think Groundhog Day meets Saving Private Ryan.

Also, there might be a group of SS with the exact same problem who kill/are killed by the main characters several time. I'm not sure about this bit.

[Anonymous No.1121490]

here's my idea:

My protagonist finds himself facing the concrete of the sidewalk...except he's not touching it. Yet. He laughs as he sees the sidewalk rushing to meet him. He laughs as he watches the face of death race towards him. Before the moment of impact, that moment he has been longing for the past four months, he closes his eyes in preparation for the sidewalk to take his life. He waits for a moment...no impact. Still he waits...he never feels that satisfying moment of his flesh against the ground. Within those long moments of anxiousness he thinks about all whom he has left behind on his leap of faith. Those faces of the ones he loved flashed before his eyes. The good times and good memories of his childhood took over his thoughts as he felt a tear of regret coming from behind his eyes. He has then realized that he should not have jumped. Too late. He opened his eyes and saw the blurred image of a light gray block coming to him. He shed a tear as everything turned dark...and as the screams grew silent.

[Anonymous No.1121511]

A shipwrecked man in a desert island. The island feeds him apples and gives him rain to drink and talks to him in dreams. The man falls in love with the island. Narrated from the perspective of the island.

The man is King Arthur. The island is Avalon and a volcano.

[Anonymous No.1121522]

>>1116071
troll.
google the film "Chinatown"

[Anonymous No.1121546]

>>1115073

10/20

I fucking lost it. laughed more than I should.

[Anonymous No.1121551]

Man wakes up in rubber life raft with amnesia. Doesn't know who he is, why he's on the raft, everything. Raft has case of water bottles, and canned goods (beans, corn, peas, etc.)

Rest of story is him slowly going mad.

[Anonymous No.1123584]

>>1121551
is that raft somewhere in the ocean or anything?

[Anonymous No.1123613]

A man finds himself lost in a city. Whenever he tries to ask passerby's for help his consciousness gets transported into their body. After doing this unintentionally a few times he loses track of where his real self. He later finds his body raping a woman in his alley. He then shoots his body in the back. He then realizes he was phone all along.