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/lit/ - Literature

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1097674 No.1097674 [Reply] [Original]

Authors who would be cool dudes (or dames) and authors you think would be dicks to know in real life.

The Good

The Bronte Sisters - Make a good addition to any modern day hipster crew

Kurt Vonnegut - I don't like his writing, but I think he would make a good bud

Rudyard Kipling - Not even joking. I'd like to travel with him.

Franz Kafka - Cool guy

The Bad

J.D Salinger - Pretentious cock zombie

Truman Capote - I might like being around the guy for five minutes, but anything past that

Ivan Turgenev - Seems all around dickish

Ayn Rand - lawl

>> No.1097681

Shit-tier: Atwood

Tons of horror stories about the inamous feminazi. Oh well, her writing is decent

>> No.1097686

fitzgerald we'd go and be rich and stuff together

>> No.1097695

Good

Haruki Murakami - We could talk about jazz and cats

Bad

Karl Marx - He was infamous for being an asshole

>> No.1097697

You know who I heard was a real dick? Maurice Sendak. This comes from someone that works with his publisher.

>> No.1097696 [DELETED] 

>>1097686
And then he would express himself to you in a closet and ask for your opinon.

>> No.1097699
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1097699

The Bad

Bukowski - would bitch and complain all day, then get drunk. probably hasn't taken a shower in weeks.

Jack Kerouak - would probably be getting drugged up with Bukowski, might be sharing some meat needles.

The Good

Yuyuko Takemiya

>> No.1097703

>>1097686
>>1097686
And then he would expose himself to you in a closet and ask for your opinon.

>> No.1097708

Hunter S must have been fun to be around in his less depressed period

>> No.1097713

I would like to smoke tons of opium and listen to Borges describe reality

I'd play poker with DeLillo

I'd bitch about music with Klosterman, also watch reality TV with him.

>> No.1097737
File: 222 KB, 720x1000, 95-virginia-woolf-1902.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1097737

Not Afraid Of Tier:

Virginia Woolf

>> No.1097741

>>1097737

I would hang with her, and Emily Dickinson, and Marianna Moore and it would be pretty fly.

>> No.1097749

>>1097741

Marianne*

>> No.1097768

The Bad

Orson Scott Card - Crazy Mormon

>> No.1097785

A good author tends to be a terrible human being.

>> No.1097791

>>1097768
Yeah, he seems like a real dick.

Bro Tier: Terry Pratchett, Mark Twain

>> No.1097802

>>1097737
Swinger tier, surely?

>> No.1097831

The good:

Stephen King seems like a pretty down to earth person. Maybe I am wrong.

LeGuin seemd like a genuinely interesting person.


The Bad:

Orson Scott Card - Right wing gun totin' homophobe.

>> No.1097929

The Bad:

Poe- Whiny ass, hypocritical bitch

>> No.1097972

The Good:
H.L. Mencken was apparently hilarious in person, and could hold his drink.
The Bad:
Neil Gaiman seems like he'd be either full of himself or awkward as fuck.

>> No.1097989

>>1097831
I've actually had the pleasure of meeting King once.

Wouldn't call him the greatest writer, but he is a nice guy.

>> No.1097998

I imagine Dostoevsky would talk endlessly about himself and some hilarious but lengthy anecdote would fill your conversation. And he doesn't care what you have to say.

>> No.1098003

>>1097998

If by hilarious lengthy anecdote you mean rant about how Jews and Liberals are fucking up Russia then yeah, he totally would

>> No.1098004 [DELETED] 
File: 56 KB, 359x480, truman20.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1098004

>mfw OP is a fag

>> No.1098018
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1098018

I'd have gay sex with Chabon.

>> No.1098024

>>1097998
>>1098003
I think he'd just mumble something incoherently about how ass deep in gambling debts he was.

>> No.1098030

Kafka would be a cool guy?
lol

>> No.1098036

>>1097831
>>1097989
despite what you may think of his writing, I think we can all agree that King would be the most easy-going and cool bro on this thread so far.

>> No.1098075
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1098075

J.K. Rowling - Two faced bitch

Sylvia Plath - Cocktease

Stephen King - Would ramble constantly with the most boring stories. Eventually he would feel really close to you and start confessing stories about how he touched young boys which would also get annoying

>> No.1098089

Alexandre Dumas seemed like a cool cat.

Insanely stupid with money, though.

>> No.1098108

I'd hate to hang out with Bukowski.

>> No.1098146

>>1098089

That money would be spent on booze, women and living the high life though, so it's all good.

>> No.1098149 [DELETED] 
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1098149

Ivan Turgenev - Seems all around dickish
>mfw

Also, I'd like to bro with Whitman. I feel like Orwell wouldn't be too chill, though.

>> No.1098155 [DELETED] 

>>1098149

By all accounts he was a vain, pompous blowhard who thought he was a better author than he was, picked on Dostoyevsky and drove Tolstoy to challenge him to a duel.

and mfw mommy issues

>> No.1098181

>>1098149
Hitchens would have been a cool drinking buddy, but now he has cancer it would just be a major downer.

>> No.1098198

Dave Eggers seems like such a bro
David Foster Wallace would be amazing to chill with, esp. if you read that new book about him that just came out
I'd try to hit on Thomas Pynchon if we hung out but I bet he's a fun guy

I can't think of any authors I read that I wouldn't want to hang out with.

>> No.1098214
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1098214

Updike would be like that strange grandfather some people had who never quite grew out of the immature yet romantic leanings of his youth. His key assets would be inappropriate sex jokes and cheese omelets.

>> No.1098219

By all accounts H.P. Lovecraft was polite, congenial, interesting, and sometimes witty (although he would troll people from time to time). Of course, Houellebecq reports that no one, not even his wife, ever reported seeing him get angry, cry, or laugh...

>> No.1098238

Hunter would of been a blast to be around. Even in his more mellow years he would of been cool just to hear stories about Nixon. I also really love talkign about politics and football so I think we would get along swell.

Phillip K Dick would be the best person to get baked with EVER. I mean seriously, hed be talking all about crazy pink laser beams and outerspace Jesus and shit. It would blow your fucking mind.

I cant think of that many bad ones other than obvious examples like Rand, Meyer, ect.

>> No.1098240

It depresses me to know that I will never drop acid and watch old German porno with Thomas Pynchon. If I could resurrect David Foster Wallace and add him to the mix, I would record it like MST3K and put it online for all to see.

feelsbadman.jpg

>> No.1098267

would totally bro down with zombie dfw, i wanted to be best friends with zadie smith when i was 16, i wish chabon was my cool nerd uncle or something

>> No.1098274

On a side note: I would love to introduce Sade to /d/.

>> No.1098280

>>1098219

If Lovecraft had lived today, he'd be on 4chan. He was intelligent, friendly, incredibly opinionated, incredibly racist, unable/unwilling to get an actual job (so unwilling that malnutrition actually contributed to his death), and strangely incapable of relating to most people.

>> No.1098289

>>1098280
I dont know wether he would browse /x/ or /r9k/.
I think he was a little bit too intelligent to buy into BITCHES AND WHORES so /x/ would probably be his main domain. With occasional visits to /new/ to rant about NEGROIDS.

This is fun, lets try and figure out what boards other authors would go to.

>> No.1098321

>>1098075
huh, how is she a two-faced bitch? just curious.
>>1097695
also, jazz and cats with murakami sounds awesome. i'd also get high with someone, but i'm not sure who.

>> No.1098323

orwell would go to /new/
fitzgerald to /lit/ because this side of paradise is basicly just a list of shit he read.
Rand to /b/. cause shes a troll
Twain to /b/ and /r9k/
Shakespeare to /fit/

>> No.1098326 [DELETED] 

>>1098075
Oh shit goddamn, that's my face when I realize I have a lesbian friend who looks exactly like a 22-year-old skinny-jeans-wearing Stephen King

>> No.1098348

>>1098289

Lovecraft would be on /x/ in all the lucid dreaming threads, but he'd spend most of his time on /a/. /a/ and /v/.

His waifu would be Al Azif, unless that causes TIME PARADOX

>> No.1098403

>>1098323
>>1098348
Hunter Thompson would browse /sp/ and would troll the ever living fuck out of /new/

>> No.1098419

>>1098214
john updike would be great, he seems like a genuinely friendly guy. I'd love to chill with philip roth, i bet once you got him to open up he'd be hilarious.

>> No.1098421
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1098421

>>1098348
>His waifu would be Al Azif

That or Saya.

>> No.1098443

Oscar Wilde and Lord Byron.

'Nuff said.

>> No.1098448

>>1098443
is it because you're gay

>> No.1098457
File: 45 KB, 283x345, Lord Byron.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1098457

Not gay. Just have class.

>> No.1098461

>>1098457

You don't know much about Byron if you think he had class.

But it's okay to be gay too, if that's how you roll I won't judge you.

>> No.1098467

>>1098448
Come on, imagine the bon mots

>> No.1098468

Either way, you must admit that they would be the best bro's to have for a night on the town. Just watch your drinks, and cover your bum.

>> No.1098473

>>1098468

No I refuse to admit it.

Wilde was probably an annoying fop and would always be hitting on me (duh).

Byron was a narcissistic, incestuous, womanizing misogynist who had sex with Eeeeuuuvvhhhhrything

>> No.1098481
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1098481

>>1098473
it's a bravo reality show!

>> No.1099643

revival!

>> No.1099657

Say what you want, I'd totally bone Stephanie Meyer.

>> No.1099678

William T. Vollmann: I've been sitting in this disgusting bar for an hour while he's been upstairs trying to proposition a Thai hooker.

>> No.1099690

Hunter S. would probably hate everyone in this thread, tell you all to fuck off, and then go drink angrily in his house while his too-young-for-him wife sat crying in the kitchen because she married a man with anger issues and many guns.


Michael Chabon seems like a pretty cool guy from what I've seen of him, though he's a bit like that too smart guy from the comic book store.

>> No.1099700

I'd probably get along well with Kafka. Neurotic bros.

>> No.1099701

>>1099690

Jonathan Franzen would be boring, he'd be the friend who only wants to sit at home and watch movies or something.

Stephen King would like be hanging out with your friend's slightly nerdy dad.

Cormac McCarthy would be your stoic veteran grandfather who doesn't talk all that much but, in his own way, is silently awesome.

Kurt Vonnegut would be you grandfather on the other side who is hilariously inappropriate at weddings. Total blast to hang out with.

>> No.1099711

Jack Kerouac would never stop talking about himself.

Alfred Jarry would be a cool guy to fuck around with, seems like one of those people who can always make a boring situation an interesting one.

Patrick Rothfuss would seem congenial and social while he's talking, but once he has to respond to something you say he wouldn't be nearly as engaging and would either have very little to say or would find a way to avoid the question and break off into a tangent.

Dylan Thomas would be a disinterested asshole who really has nothing positive to say.

Nikolai Gogol would just be offputting because of his odor and strange conversation topics.

>> No.1099715
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1099715

Harlan Ellison. I could listen to him talk for hours.

>> No.1099721

Chuck Palanhiuk would be that quiet guy who every once in a while makes those "I'm just THAT FUCKING AWESOME" jokes. Or an internet tough guy that's shy in the real world.

Junot Diaz would make a lot of pop culture jokes.

Christopher Hitchens would be a self righteous douche.

>> No.1099747

Nabokov seems like he'd be that arrogant bastard that's still a pretty cool guy.

>> No.1099765

I'd have a beer with Stephen King. He seem like a "meat'n'potatoes" kinda guy.

>> No.1099778

Asimov would be a total bro

Cortazar would be nice to walk through Paris or Buenos Aires with; he'd be describing the city and the people in it and showing you the quiet places to sit and chill

>> No.1099790

Martin Amis, Hitchens, Wilde, Foster Wallace, Vonnegut and Bukowski.

>> No.1099798

>>1099715
I have yet to hear a pleasant story about that man. He's apparently a self-important asshole to everyone he meets. I suppose Ellison would be like that interesting jerk everyone knows and hangs out with but doesn't really like.

>> No.1099805

i have a sneaking suspicion that julian barnes would prove an almighty cockweed.

>> No.1099818

gabriel garcia marquez would be ubercool with an evil sense of humour

>> No.1099819
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1099819

>woman author

>> No.1099876

i wouldn't be bukowski's friend, but i'd have a drink with him. dude is funny and knows how to drink.

i'd love to have dickinson and a sort of nanny or maid or to even have her as a sister. i can learn so much from her.

i'd have salinger as a school friend
i'd go to the park with the romantic poets
i'd go fishing with hemingway

And i'd kick jane austen in the face!

>> No.1099914

Bro tier - Albert Camus

Waifu tier- Ayn Rand

>> No.1099917

I think you'd get about nine minutes into a night of drinking with Amis and Hitchens before getting sick of them and their dumbass in-jokes

>> No.1099939

I would love to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all night with Vonnegut.
Walking through Dublin with Joyce would be pretty cool.
Hanging out in a used bookstore somewhere in downtown San Fransisco with Allen Ginsberg would be awsome

>> No.1100026

>>1099914
You're confused about one of those authors
On hearing of your paling around with Rand, Albert who lose you in a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night

>> No.1100178

Emily Short for having drinks in grimy bars, talking about post-fiction, FWB

Neal Stephenson for building a teslacoil in his garage or going to museums or chatting on AIM.

Thomas Pynchon - We'd be neighbors and I'd have an affair with his wife. He'd know about it, but still insist on having me over for uncomfortable dinners and drinks.

>> No.1100207

James Ellroy - Moody bastard, either bitching about liberals or depressed over his mum

Richard Dawkings - sneering all the time and talking about how great his views are

Bill Bryson - Affable and friendly, good for a cup of tea

>> No.1100399

Lovecraft - It would be like talking to an awkward 4channer who frequents /r9k/ and /x/. Conversations would be stopped in their tracks by some off-topic racist or paranormal phrase he would randomly blurt out.

Wilde - Pretty good for parties or dinner events who would then probably would make barely-concealed passes at the guys and outrage the more easily offended. Spending too much time with him and he would probably get on your nerves fairly fast.

Orwell - He would be that guy who always swings the conversation in a more political direction whenever he could. Probably be one of those sad/depressed drunks and be a bummer at parties and other outings.

Borges - Probably would be a fairly normal guy with comments sometimes leaning towards poetic soliloquies and stare off into the distance, where your not entirely sure if he is still engaged in the conversation or just humoring you.