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/lit/ - Literature

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10919573 No.10919573 [Reply] [Original]

Hi /lit/.
I'm entering an amateur writing/philosophy essay contest. The theme is "outside-in". I have written something, it only has to be about 700 words. English is not my native language so I translated it roughly. Some of the things don't translate that well but I believe the gist of it comes across.
I just kinda went nuts and wrote some shit down that came to mind tonight. I thought most of the things through pretty well, but I understand it's definitely not sound philosophy, a bit poetic and stream of thought. I do think it may be enjoyable and a bit original. But if you think it's horseshit I can accept that. Would you be interested in reading and telling me what you think of it?

>> No.10919601

Damn this scary but imma just post it in parts

--
Outside-in, a reversal of two antonyms. (inside-out and outside-in ar one word in dutch)

The opposite of the opposite is the opposite.
The same word but not the same thing.
The reversal of the reversal; that brings you back to the same thing.
A different word ('the same thing' in dutch is just one word) but the same thing.
The opposite of inside is outside.
A different word but not the same thing.
The inverse of inside-out is outside-in.
A different word but not -necessarily- the same thing.
--

>> No.10919610

>>10919601
--
I find outside-in to be a nice word. I think it's a shame it isn't in the dictionary. Next to finding it to be a cool word, I also think it can be practical in certain situations; it doesn't have to be in the dictionary just as a synonym of inside-out. For example, an extrovert having an anti-social day could be considered to be outside-in. An introvert on an extraordinary social day could be considered as inside-out. In the summer it is, with a bit of luck, a warm day because the sun is shining. In the winter it's hopefully warm inside because of the heater. Cosily in front of the fireplace, lounging on the beach in the sun. Sometimes the sun shines through the windows of your house. Other people have an outdoor fireplace.
--

>> No.10919618

>>10919610
--
Everything happens for a reason. Inside-out is not the preferred phrase by accident. There's no such thing as coincidence, behind virtually every event there is another event that caused that one.
If you encounter an acquaintance on the street, we call that a coincidence because we didn't foresee it. If people were always aware of everything happening in the moment – maybe like how a higher consciousness could be – you'd be able to foresee the encounter with the acquaintance. Of course not because you could see a predestined future, but because you are aware of the person coming your way. If you could foresee bumping into this person on the street, you might not be in the mood to meet this acquaintance and you decide to avoid him by taking a detour. But it starts to get tricky because of the other person who – just as aware as you – would notice you were going in another way while not knowing your motivations. If this person would want to meet you, he or she would walk in the direction of your detour, not even being sure you are aware of him. Subsequently you would be aware of his changing direction when you might decide to move back towards your initial path, to avoid him again. So, obviously, the acquaintance, who apparently would love to bump into you again changes his path to yours yet another time. Unless you want to run away from this old friend or acquaintance, you eventually accept that you're going to bump into this person anyways. Maybe something good can come out of it. So this specific turn of events doesn't feel like a coincidence at all anymore, yet it has the same outcome as as the perceived coincidence.
Yes, you could ignore the person, run away or just stay at home instead of taking the detours, but even with a higher consciousness it doesn't seem all that productive to avoid what would naturally happen.
--

>> No.10919626

>>10919618
--
Anyways, back to why inside-out isn't just preferred above outside-in by coincidence. If something is turned inside-out it's readily apparent that the inside is on the outside, but not that the outside is on the inside. To determine that for sure you would need to go into the inside to see if the outside is there. The inside of many things is not directly visible and often hard to reach.
Take for instance a human that is turned inside-out. This person wouldn't be able to see that his outside is in because it's completely dark in there. Let alone being able to prove that his inside is out. Not that I recon that this person is busy trying to confirm that he or she's inside-out, must have other things on his or her mind. Other people would be able to determine right away that this person is inside-out, and I recon they'd run away screaming, puke or start to cry... But hopefully, of course, they'd call an ambulance right away. Once arrived at the hospital the surgeons can really confirm if the outside was actually on the inside by using various surgical instruments to take a look.
After giving him an anesthetic, of course.
--

>> No.10919630

God damn I wish I were sober enough to give this more attention. Bumping for now in hopes you get some help. Take care, Dutchnon.

>> No.10919635
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10919635

>>10919626
oh and that was what I have so far, still can't think of a proper ending. Any thoughts on it are appreciated...

>> No.10919640

>>10919630
Thanks dude! You take care as well. Drink some water maybe.

>> No.10919934

OP here.
okay, I got some feedback.
Too much stream of thought without a clear direction. Going to elaborate on the inside-out man more, I think that's the part with the most potential

>> No.10920094

>>10919601
That face when buitenstebinnen is not a real word...
I am on MennoLievers side on where we are with the popularisation of philosophy in the Netherlands though. Guess it's that night of the year again.

https://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2009/04/11/filosofie-is-geen-strenge-wetenschap-meer-maar-een-11711881-a403618

>> No.10920199

>>10919934
The coincidence and bumping into an acquaintance part was not too convincing to me. What are you trying to convey here? Seems like a bit of a stretch to go into unwantedly bumping into acquaintences to prove there is a reason binnenstebuiten is called binnenstebuiten and not buitenstebinnen.
Inside-out man is much more interesting and should be at the heart of the essay imo.

>> No.10920743

>>10920199
you're right. And I wrote a little story about him in the last couple of hours. I'll post it now. Might still be shit but I think and hope it's pretty cool and funny.

>> No.10920750

OK, here's the story of The Outside-in Man.

--
A discrete, introverted man is walking through the city on the way to his apartment.
He sometimes shares a fleeting looks with passers by, but he doesn't pay much attention to them and vice versa. They all have forgotten about him before they arrive at their homes. He, however, tends to think about them now and then. It's not that he not tries to stand out. This is how it's always been, and probably how it will go for the rest of his life. Almost arriving at his apartment that exact thought crosses his mind. For the first time in his life he feels a light ache with the thought of that and he can't put his finger on why that is. Then, out of nowhere he feels a sharp and shocking pain and everything turns to black. He falls on the ground and starts to scream in agony.
He's hearing dozens of people screaming around him but they all sound kind of muted like they're in a closed room. Around him people are processing the scene in horror and disbelief. A mother holds her hands over her two kids' eyes and while they run away crying and screaming. A boy drops his skateboard, falls downs on his knees and starts puking.
It takes a while before a bystander gets the idea to call an ambulance. The ambulance arrives quickly to the scene and the ambulance workers hastily take a stretcher out of the ambulance.
Their response to the scene is a lot more collected than most of the bystanders, but they've never seem something quite like this. The screaming of the man calmed down and it looks as if the pain is slowly becoming bearable. For a short moment the paramedics stand flabbergasted around the man while they discuss how to get him on the stretcher. They cautiously lift him on the stretcher by his arms and legs.
--

>> No.10920771

>>10920750
--
The next day the man wakes up in the hospital. He opens his eyes but he still can't see anything except for a faint reddish hue. A doctor is standing next to his bed.
'Sir this will come as a shock to you, but you've turned inside-out. It's a miracle you are still alive.' The man, shocked but cautiously curious, starts to feel the insides on the outside of his body with the exposed tissue of his hands. He holds his heart as it starts to beat faster.
'We have no idea how this has happened, but we think you can survive this.' Says the doctor. 'I'm absolutely sure I can survive this!' Says the man, more confident than ever.
--

>> No.10920779

>>10919573
What's your native tongue?

>> No.10920784

>>10920771
--
Later that week the doctor arrives full of enthusiasm on his bedside.
The insides of the man are being kept together by strong transparent medical plastic.
'We made something for you. It's a kind of protective suit that protects your entrails and covers them up so you can have a normal life again. It looks like a normal coat on the outside. People will give you some strange looks because of the big helmet but as your brains are outside of your skull I don't see a better alternative.'
On the inside the man's skin turns red.
'So you want me to hide who I am?! Never!'
The, now striking, extroverted man is walking through the city to his apartment yet again. Don't ask me how he does it. It's not that he not tries to stand out.
--

Totally taking the piss to be honest, lol. I kinda forgot about philosophy and just wrote something bizarre and funny.

>> No.10920795

>>10920779
dutch

>> No.10920812

>>10919573
>>10919573
Kan je je verhaal niet posten in een pastebin? Het vertalen van je verhaaltje van Nederlands naar Engels lijkt nergens op, gaat je overigens ook weinig constructieve kritiek opleveren.

In wat voor prozastijl schrijf je, als je het zou moeten vergelijken met een Nederlandse schrijver?

>> No.10920815

>>10919573
link to contest. I have some time to burn tomorrow.

>> No.10920836

>>10920815
It's due in 3 hours.

>> No.10920842

>>10920836
I don't care.

>> No.10920845

>>10920836
Hm, shit. I'm too drunk and tired to shit out something proper right now. Too bad.

>> No.10920856

>>10920812
Jazeker. Ja, mijn Engels is een beetje een ramp.
https://pastebin.com/MBM9qLCH
Ik vind schrijven erg leuk maar heb nog lang geen ontwikkelde stijl. Ik heb wat talent, denk ik, maar heb nog veel werk te doen.
Dit heb ik in de laatste 4/5 uur geschreven.
Ben benieuwd wat je ervan vindt. Het is totaal niet filosofisch meer, heb gewoon gedaan wat er in me opkwam.

>> No.10920866

>>10920842
https://www.festivaldrift.nl/

>> No.10920952

you should write a story about a man who is turned inside out and his girlfriend finds him and starts licking his exposed organs uncontrollably. he can help but cum, filling his internal cavity with sperm. she leaks her vagina into his asshole and he passes out.

he spends the night in a cold sweat, leaking bile and fluids, while the neighborhood dogs arrange themselves outside his window observing him tentatively (he can only see by rolling his eyes forwards/backwards up into his head- because he is still inside out) suddenly he develops a stomach ache and his stomach begins to expand.

after many hours of pain and expansion, be starts to feel a rippling motion in his cavity. a machinechild is growing inside of him, and methodically constructing itself from his space organs and bits of organic plastic metastasizing in his body. you have to describe how he looks down into himself and sees this little humanoid robot growing fused on to his skin, because he is inside out and the skin is his inside and he can see inside himself normally.

you can add a friendly doctor character who pays a home visit and pretends like everything is normal and fiddles with instruments and measures all kinds of things, while the girlfriend watches on in a bored bemused state. meanwhile the man feels every twinge and prick and movement of the needles poking his inside (outside) and the machinebaby ripping at his flesh inside, grabbing and pulling at his skin and stomach hair (because he is inside out his skin is on the inside of his body).

he should give birth the next day through his mouth, the baby distending his jaw and breaking his teeth, he is left speechless as the thing cruely grabs at his exposed heart and begins to squeeze- he is unable to make any noise to call for help. the girlfriend is outside feeding the dogs his sausage links, he blinks away tears in the back of his head and notices that he is now complete, a real human male.

>> No.10921325

>>10920856
>Een onopvallende, introverte

Het is interessanter als je dit laat blijken door het te verwerken in je verhaal, wat je schijnbaar probeert, maar niet succesvol. Tevens is je climax in de 2e paragraaf al bereikt en blijft er niks boeiends meer over omdat je de personage niet hebt opgebouwd, het zijn wat vage, betrekkelijk oninteressante karaktereigenschappen die toepasbaar zijn op werkelijk iedereen.
Overigens is het woord "dokter" meer gangbaar in het Nederlands dan doctor, wat vaak gereseveerd is voor de academische titel.

>> No.10921453

>>10921325
Okay, maar het zijn maar 600 woorden.
Dat is niet echt genoeg om diep op die dingen in te gaan. Misschien ga ik hier nog een kort verhaal van maken, waarin ik je feedback meeneem.
Wat ik in dit korte stukje probeer te doen is met 'gore' en absurde concepten je fantasie te laten invullen hoe die man zich voelt en hoe hij eruit ziet. Zoals bij deze zin:
>Aan de binnenkant van de man loopt zijn huid rood aan.'

>> No.10921515

>>10921453
>Dat is niet echt genoeg om diep op die dingen in te gaan

Klopt. Hierom moet je zorgen dat dat niet hoeft om het verhaal intrigerend te maken. Ik snap dat het een kort verhaal behoort te zijn, waardoor het erg gelimiteerd is qua beschrijvingen, maar als je het gore en absurde wil verwoorden, moet je daar juist op in gaan en minder op hoe de man eenzaam en zonderling is. Dat is niet relevant aan hetgene wat je wil opwekken (een bepaald gevoel). Daarnaast vind ik de reacties van de moeder en jongen relatief mild voor wat er gebeurt.

Als je het ooit uitschrijft, lees dan eens het verhaal "Quauhquauhtinchan in den vreemde" van Harry Mulisch. Het is een paar tientallen pagina's lang, wat het wel waard is, gezien de vervreemding er een grote rol in speelt.

>> No.10921607

>>10921515
>Daarnaast vind ik de reacties van de moeder en jongen relatief mild voor wat er gebeurt.
mee eens.
>moet je daar juist op in gaan en minder op hoe de man eenzaam en zonderling is.

Ja inderdaad, ik ga ook veel te snel, het is allemaal heel haastig. Het simpele verhaal dat ik wilde vertellen, in terms of character development, is een man die van onzeker en niet opvallend , door het binnenstebuiten keren zichzelf opnieuw uitvindt als een zekere en extraverte man. En de ontwikkeling van die man was gedefinieerd door zijn body horror. Dus ik heb mezelf eigenlijk een beetje een bijna onmogelijke taak gegeven, dus de volgende keer denk ik beter na over hoe ik een verhaal ga opzetten voor ik begin.

>Als je het ooit uitschrijft, lees dan eens het verhaal "Quauhquauhtinchan in den vreemde" van Harry Mulisch. Het is een paar tientallen pagina's lang, wat het wel waard is, gezien de vervreemding er een grote rol in speelt.

Zal ik doen, en bedankt voor je feedback.

>> No.10921660

>>10921607
>een bijna onmogelijke taak gegeven
Precies, voor wat je wil uitwerken zijn het te weinig woorden.
Puur uit benieuwdheid trouwens; uit welke provincie kom je? En studeer je al wat?

>> No.10921718

>>10921660
Ik kom uit Nijmegen in Gelderland.
Ik heb al gestudeerd, 5 jaar compositie en muziek technologie.
Jij?