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/lit/ - Literature

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10764428 No.10764428 [Reply] [Original]

>I exclaimed
>I shouted
>I cried
>I screamed
>I bellowed

>> No.10764439

>>10764428
To my son to get off 4chan and get a job.

>> No.10764728

>>10764439
Dad?

>> No.10764744

>>10764428
Would you accept "I yelled"?

>> No.10764770

>>10764744
'I said' will do.

>> No.10764888

>>10764770
The SS captain put the barrel of his Luger deep into my wife's throat, to the point where she was gagging on it. His neck unnaturally twisted around to look back towards me.
"I will ask just once more," he gently explained, "where are the Jews whom you are harboring?"
I said nothing, grit my teeth, and squinted my eyes, preparing for the pain to come. The hopeless moans of my wife were met swiftly with the lashing crack of the gun and the sound of her limp body collapsing onto the floor. I kept my eyes shut. I could already see it all too well.
He knocked me to the floor and pressed his heavy boot into the hinge of my jaw. I remained silent, as did the rest of the room, for what felt like a long while, but was assuredly on the lesser half of a minute. The first sound to break the silence was the drop of his knee to the floor beside my head, the second the unsheathing of his knife. My mouth was held open, something like when a farmer forces apart the teeth of his dog, to release from its bite the neck of a chicken. I too had something of value within my mouth. The tip of the captains knife came fast and without warning, and carved at the soft, pink flesh above my front teeth. He asked the same question he had before. And he asked it again, each time the tip of the knife drove itself a bit deeper into the roots of my gums. Then the edge tilted downwards and acted as a lever to force out one of my front teeth. The sounds that came from my belly then were unlike anything I'd heard before, and were ungodly in that way. He forced the knife again above another tooth.
"Will you speak now, or will I take another?"
I did not know I was crying, but I felt the sting of my tears flowing across the bruises and cuts on my face. "For God's sakes! Please leave me! They are hiding in the farmhouse! Take their lives in turn for mine!" I said.

Gee, really has the same effect.

>> No.10765065

>>10764428
>the
>it
>a
>they
>said
>naming your characters
>having chapters
>not having chapters
>having a title

>> No.10765692

>>10765065
you forgot
>punctuation

>> No.10765700

>>10764428
>tfw I used to write like this in HS
"why was I such a faggot?" anon exclaimed

>> No.10765744

>>10764888
then just have the quotation. Those (exclaimed, I shouted, I cried, I screamed, I bellowed) make it plain to the reader you know your writing is too weak and so you have to add them so he knows exactly what is happening. It's telling, not showing.
Good excerpt, by the way. Did you write it?

>> No.10766886

>>10765744
Yes faggot I just wrote it to prove you wrong. But you're right. I was thinking as I finished it that I'd normally just leave the quotation as is.

>> No.10767144

>>10764428
"I have only the deepest, tenderest and most honourable feelings towards you, my dear!" I ejaculated.

>> No.10767619

"Oh God, I'm gonna cum!" I ejaculated.