/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.10362269]

What do you think about the plot of this novella I'm writing /lit/?

>A government employee in a large city develops an intense aversion to sound after being attacked by a loud aggressive dog owned by a black male one night. He "snaps" one day in his small busy office, and as a result is "demoted" to the newly-conceived Citizen Complaints and Grievances department where, due to confusion, he simply sits by himself in a quiet office receiving phone calls and emails from people who complain about their parents being mean, or being ripped off by their mechanic, or being unable to find a family heirloom. Meanwhile he continues to receive treatment for his sensitive hearing which has caused him to become sleepless, to the point where he develops weird contraptions like tying a belt around a pillow covering his ears, sleeps in the bathtub with industrial earmuffs and buys a ton of egg cartons to use them as soundproofing - and also picks fights with his neighbours for doing DIY or having the TV too loud. At the ear clinic he sits by a cute girl and offers her a doughnut, but she waves her hand to say no thanks. He talks to her and assumes she is interested in him, as she keeps turning to him to smile sympathetically. He feels pretty good about this until, on his next appointment, he sees one of the doctors in an adjacent room talking to her via sign language. Embarrassed he writes a note and chases the girl and hands it to her, flustered, and the note explains he was sorry for bugging her the other day and didn't realize she was deaf. He discovers that she is actually hoping to get her hearing restored with new treatments, but is at the centre attempting to learn how to talk aloud despite her being deaf, because despite being able to lip-read her parents shamed her for trying to communicate with them verbally.

[Anonymous No.10362270]

>He offers to help her for free and promises to learn sign language and thus to communicate with her (this being one of themes), and they have cutesy experiences wherein their respective hearing abilities are the source of truly subtle and intelligent humour. At work the calls to him become so frantic that his department is expanded until an entire floor is filled with isolated soundproof cubicles dedicated to dealing with the Complaints and Grievances of the city's citizens who, despite being told again and again that this department is only intended to deal with pot holes, safety hazards and other issues relevant to municipal power, continue to call and write letters at all hours believing that it is some form of helpline service. The protagonist learns that his hearing is actually deteriorating rapidly, and that his sensitivity is just a symptom of that. Despite his anguish at the car horns, loud voices, etc he fears going deaf now that his romantic partner is learning to talk (but still sounds retarded) and also that a pioneering treatment has been offered to her to fix her condition. He does not want to be the helpless, deaf person in their relationship and be forced out of his job, especially since his girlfriend now has a job (not sure which but it must be symoblic) and is popular among her sympathetic co-workers, especially one guy who obviously wants to have ess ee ecks with her. Due to his insecurity he one days argues with his girlfriend and says she sounds retarded, and she runs away crying. And then because he has been in the Complaints and Grievances Department the longest, he is promoted (hiding his hearing loss) to a senior role and given the task of managing the complaints overwhelming the department. When people can't get through they even start turning up to the office to complain in person, with security downstairs forced to keep them outside and only admit them one at a time. He keeps trying to find his girlfriend, who has quit her job

Cont...

[Anonymous No.10362274]

>(he hasn't "heard from her" for a while) and, he learned, has been turned down for deafness treatment due to her now being ineligible due to her recently developed speaking ability. He searches the entire city for her, suffering from the car horns, people shouting (ethnics) and eventually late at night comes across a young woman in an alley standing atop a garbage bin and yelling for help. Beneath her is a pitbull barking obviously wanting to bite her, and although he hates black people dogs instinctively due to it causing his hearing loss (this dog fear is repeated throughout the movie, for example when they are on a date and he flinches when a little chihuahu starts yelping at him, which causes her to laugh) he runs up and stabs the dog to death ferociously, but discovers it isn't his girlfriend but some other random girl. A black woman appears in the alley calling for her dog and he runs away. He arrives home that night but there is a bloc party going on outside (highlighting his relative isolation) and he sits miserable, unsleeping, hands pressed to his ears and eyes wide (an image used for the DVD cover and promotional posters) until he is forced back to work where, after falling asleep at his desk, he is roused by several concerned fellow Department employees who tell him there's a problem downstairs. He stumbles through the hallways where concerned employees peak out of their doors with worried expressions. He grips the walls and bumps into filing cases etc as he walks droopily-eyed down to the street where, emerging onto a dark winter afternoon, he discovers a large mob of citizens who rush towards him and strain the police cordon, yelling their respective complains and grievances, no longer trivial and frankly comedic stuff but stuff like an older woman in office attire yelling about wanting a child, an elderly woman yelling that her children have abandoned her, and so on. This scene is perhaps the climax of the movie, with lighting and so on

Cont...

[Anonymous No.10362279]

>>10362269
Stop
Just stop

[Anonymous No.10362280]

>crucial to atmosphere and seriousness. Imagine a sea of faces straining and yelling in isolation their respective fears and frustrations, real serious stuff, and then he sees his deaf girlfriend among the crowd and although it looks like she's shouting something to him, a close-up shot reveals she is simply straining desperately with only a weird sound being made as people scream around her. He pushes through the crowd and manages to reach her but can't hear what she's saying, and he himself becomes one of the people screaming as he yells what he has been wanting for the entire movie, namely for silence, and when he does yell that the entire crowd goes suddenly silent and stare at him from every angle. And in the silence the deaf girl (in a still pretty retarded sounding voice) "I want to be loved..." which is real sad considering her parents ignored and shamed her and she only recently had her first job and boyfriend etc. She repeats "I want to be loved" in a quieter voice, tearing up and they hug, and he says "Can I love you please?" and she nods, laughing and crying in a more happy sense.

There's a bunch of sub-plots etc too but that's the basic thrust of the narrative.

Any feedback?

[Anonymous No.10362283]

tldr

[Anonymous No.10362301]

The random racism is gonna come off as weird and prevent people from emphasizing with the MC. Also the ending is corny, you can pull it off but it needs a lot of work. It requires a good level of honesty.

[Anonymous No.10362323]

>be me
>get halfway through first post
>how long is this shit?
>scroll down
>FOUR FUCKING ESSAYS
nigga, ain't nobody got time for that

[Anonymous No.10362324]

>>10362301
Racism essentially makes the movie "Taxi Driver"

[Anonymous No.10362331]

you mom gay

[Anonymous No.10362360]

>>10362324
he doesn't get the girl and live happily ever after, either.

[Anonymous No.10363413]

>an image used for the DVD cover and promotional posters
A bit ambitious, are we?