/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.10267582]

itt Embarrasing /lit/ moments of your life.

>The mother of a little girl I know approaches me
>"Hi anon, what are you reading?"
>"Oh, It's just a book that a lot of people recommended me. It's a classic, you know."
>"What's the name?"
>"Oh, uuuh, I think it's called Lolita"
>"Oh, I see. Seems interesting"

What she don't know is that her daughter is into me.

[Anonymous No.10267589]

>>10267582
You could have made up any story and that's the one you chose?

[Anonymous No.10267592]

>>10267589
Most of my embarrasing stories are not related to /lit/.

[Anonymous No.10267599]

>>10267582
>anon what are u reading
>Lolita
>omg anon are you a pedophile
>mfw

[Anonymous No.10267603]

>>10267599
Is this real?

[Anonymous No.10267605]

>>10267582
>Be me
>In jail for first time
>Bored as fuck so I grabbed a random book and I'm reading it
>It's actually really fucking good
>Everyone else is out in the main room watching TV
>I'm in here reading this book, laughing, muttering to myself as I read
>Cellmate walks in
>"Oh great, my cellmate is fucking insane and talking to himself"
>Walks back out
>mfw

What I did that ended up landing me in jail also was the front page story of the local paper, and so everyone in there thought I was crazy from that too, so nobody bugged me, despite me only being 4 months past my 18th birthday.

[Anonymous No.10267607]

>>10267605
>the front page story of the local paper
What the... Develop this, please.

[Anonymous No.10267613]

>>10267605
You can't cocktease us like that, what was your crime?

[Anonymous No.10267614]

>>10267607
Basically I had slashed my ex's tires and tried to set her car on fire (while drunk) because she had cheated on me.

The part the media tried to play up was the fact that my dad was a retired cop who guarded the last 3 governor's of my state (I met them all too).

I got bailed out within a week, and I think the first day I was out, all 4 local news stations, I was the leading story of the night.
As we were watching the news, the media was camped outside our house across the street, knocking on the door and shit.

[Anonymous No.10267618]

>>10267614
>the media
This explains everything.

[Anonymous No.10267621]

>>10267618
It certainly explains how it got into the paper, fucknugget.

[Anonymous No.10267625]

>>10267582
>be me
>pretentious 13 year old in high school
>ask teacher if they have Nabokov's Lolita in school library
>teacher tells me it's inappropriate for school
>said teacher starts to investigate personal life and upbringing
>talks to my mum about my lack of a father figure
>mfw teacher flagged me with daddy issues first year at high school because of a book.

[Anonymous No.10267626]

>>10267614
Your story is terribly disappointing. Couldn't you just make up something more worthwhile?

[Anonymous No.10267636]

>>10267626
Unfortunately for me it's true.
However I have another tale to provide you.

It's in two parts in pic related.
I'm too lazy to type it out again and so I saved it for posterity.

Following this event, because I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

[Anonymous No.10267637]

>>10267636

[Anonymous No.10267639]

>>10267637
>>10267636
You appear to be a moron

[Anonymous No.10267646]

>>10267639
I've been called worse assuredly

I'd tripped on acid a good 30 times before that, on more (albeit tabs and not liquid, which might have been my mistake + being in public) so it wasn't like I had no idea what to expect. I still can't quite explain what made me act as erratically as I did, as the memory I have of that trip, I didn't entirely feel in control, and more like I was just along for the ride.

I'm frequently suicidal, and prone to substance abuse thanks to being 1/4 native american, and the rest being mostly Irish.

[Anonymous No.10267649]

>>10267625
You're a nice guy, anon. Don't listen to these reactionaries.

[Anonymous No.10267652]

Awful thread

[Anonymous No.10267654]

>>10267614
Is that it? Man, local news sucks.

[Anonymous No.10267657]

>>10267649
I'm a girl but OK.

[Anonymous No.10267658]

>>10267582
I ironically tried to pick up a girl with Venus in Furs when I was 16. I played it straight but I was dying inside

[Anonymous No.10267666]

>>10267646
You took an unknown but high quantity of acid, a reasonable guess would be anything between 300 and 1500 mics then went out in public, while on parole, knowing you're an active sort of person, so likely to make scenes. That is the behaviour of an idiot or someone who wants the worst sort of attention for whatever reasons, possibly both.

>>10267657
That makes more sense.

[Anonymous No.10267668]

Oh wow I thought the little girl was asking you what you were reading, I must be very tired ahahahahaha

[Anonymous No.10267669]

>>10267582
>be reading a book to my friend over skype
>I like reading aloud, and it relaxes him for sleeping so win/win
>we decided on Riddley Walker
>at the part where the "Pry Mincer" talks about how he was raised by some old guy
>mentions how the old guy let 7 dudes rape him when he was 12
>"uhhh.... uhh........"
>"??? bro, what happened?"
>mfw I have to continue reading

[Anonymous No.10267672]

>>10267654
Unfortunately they had an angle to spin it.
She was a lesbian before me (supposedly), made the first move on me, and the few months we were together she said she was "trying" guys out to see if she liked them.

Only her, my best friend, and I knew. She didn't want her parents to know.

Then she tells me she doesn't like guys after all. I go to her house that night, with a different friend of mine, we all get drunk, and I later find out she sleeps with him while I'm passed out wasted.

I confront her, she doesn't deny it but claims she has done nothing wrong and acts like I'm in the wrong for even suggesting as much.


Long story short, when the courts go to interview her, and when the media gets the story from her parents, they make it look like her and I were only friends, and that she rejected all advances from me, and that's why I did the crime.

Basically they tried to paint me in the same light as a virgin school shooter and shit.

[Anonymous No.10267673]

>>10267669
yo this is pretty gay
and I'm talking about you and your friend

[Anonymous No.10267674]

>>10267669
kek

[Anonymous No.10267676]

>>10267666
You're correct on the acid + parole side, but like I said, I'd taken acid/shrooms many many times before, almost all of which were in public, and never even had a bad trip let alone lost my cool/mind.

It just wasn't something I could've forseen without suspending all of my previous experiences with it.

That being said, if/when I ever take it again, I plan on not being in public. That one experience alone is enough to make me not want a repeat of that.

[Anonymous No.10267683]

>>10267676
Unless you were eating strips of tabs or large handfuls of shrooms before then you probably never had anything like that high a dose. 50 mics is (usually) a threshold dose, most people find 200 is plenty. Anyway I'm not here to insult you, hopefully you'll remember to be careful in future.

[Anonymous No.10267686]

>>10267673
you will never understand the closeness of two men reading books out loud to each other
pathetic

[Anonymous No.10267691]

>>10267686
Do you stroke his hair while you read to him? Have you ever compared dicks? Who was bigger?

[Anonymous No.10267694]

>>10267666
satanic trips.
thanks for the sentiment though.
Lolita did skew me the wrong way when I read it so young though. I was attracted to older guys and I had a fling with my science teacher (I use the term 'Fling' very lightly, though, it was just back and forth flirting and sexual tension).

I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.

[Anonymous No.10267697]

>>10267683
I regularly (once a week) ate 1/8th of shrooms for a few months, also, leading up to this trip, took on average 3-6 tabs of acid once every other week for a few months.

So, perhaps not the same amount as liquid (not sure how concentrated it was) but not 1 tab trips or anything. Every time I've ever tripped I've always done multiple tabs/hits.

and thanks, I definitely will be.
There's nothing really comparable to remembering doing all that, waking up in the hospital, and coming to terms with what you did.

Walking down the side of the street at 1 Am in a hospital gown, still mildly tripping, and having to piss in someone's front yard.....well it leaves you a lot to think about.

[Anonymous No.10267705]

>>10267686
I'm seconding this

>>10267691
You don't understand my man.

Reading a good book with a mate (especially funny books) can be a wonderful time.

Whenever my mate and I would take acid/shrooms, I would break out the copy of hypersphere I bought, and read that shit.
I'm also a theater actor in my spare time, and combine that plus the extra empathy you get while tripping, and reading out passages like a preacher in a southern baptist church.

Well you can have a good time.

[Anonymous No.10267707]

>>10267697
>>10267705
how about u stop taking shrooms and acid u dumb cunt

[Anonymous No.10267708]

>>10267697
I'm guessing you had relatively weak tabs and relatively strong liquid, in that case. Not that it really matters; psys can be so unpredictable that just a small increase in dosage can put you in a place you're not able to deal with sensibly. Especially if you've been wearing yourself out mentally by doing them on a regular basis.

[Anonymous No.10267711]

>>10267707
Can’t you read? His Injun blood makes him do it.

[Anonymous No.10267722]

>>10267707
I have since that eventful trip, but when you can't do any other drugs, are stuck in waiting until you're off probation, while depressed as fuck, and nothing to do in your life.

It was the only thing keeping me from just ending it for a while.

Now I've got myself a new girl though, and that's enough for me to keep me satisfied with life.
>>10267711
That is one of many reasons to be sure.
>>10267708
Perhaps.
I'm wondering if it was something mentally related though.
My cousin who is about a decade older then me, took acid about 15 years ago, had a psychotic break, and attacked the police.
Got put into a mental hospital for a while and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I haven't seen anything or heard voices before or since this trip, nothing else unusual has occurred. But it leaves one wondering all the same.

[Anonymous No.10267748]

>>10267722
Yes, pretty much the only thing people (should) tell you before taking psys is "If you have any mental history of schizophrenia in your family, don't".

[Anonymous No.10267813]

>>10267691
>do you stroke his hair
occasionally
>have you compared dicks
who hasn't?
>whose is bigger
his by 1.5 cm

[Anonymous No.10268031]

>>10267582
>15 years ago
>read one piece fanfiction
>I've only watched the 4kids dub
>"this was good, but sanji has a lollipop- he doesn't smoke"
I still have anxiety about that fucking comment. It fucking haunts me.

[Anonymous No.10268044]

>>10267637
Funniest shit I read all day

[Anonymous No.10268049]

>>10267669
Where do I get a friend who reads to me? Sounds great, but how did it even start?

[Anonymous No.10268074]

>>10267637
>>10267636
this is stupid funny

[Anonymous No.10268075]

>>10267599
Lol like omg no way

[Anonymous No.10268077]

>>10268049
dude just ask.
I turn to my friend and say "I want to read to you."
Sometimes say, "Hey. Read to me."

[Anonymous No.10268083]

>>10267582
>on the train reading 2666
>pause for a second because my stop is coming up
>some guy infront of me gets up, looks at my book
>says "Damn das a big azz book" outloud enough for people around to hear
>looks perplexed and gets off the train
>I'm confused and a bit scared frozen in my seat and a cold sweat starts
>I can feel myself glowing red and people looking at me
>have the urge to fart

[Anonymous No.10268110]

>>10267657
Show us your books.

[Anonymous No.10268140]

>>10267637
This isn't what being on acid is like at all. Or, maybe it is if you have downs syndrome or are retarded

[Anonymous No.10268158]

>>10268140
>le acid is always safe me me

[Anonymous No.10268164]

>>10268140
I had a bad trip and I thought the sky turned red and demons were out to get me. The sun was setting and I hadn't noticed it until I got fucked up. Think I was hearing whispers too but I can't really remember most of it. Might have been me just whispering shit to myself and getting freaked out over it.

[Anonymous No.10268179]

>>10267694
>I recognise where I took the novel the wrong way now of course.
so now you're looking for a loli of your own?

[Anonymous No.10268193]

>>10268083
So did you fart?

[Anonymous No.10268482]

>reading the trial in high school
>notice that for the last week or so this girl has been looking at the cover
>obviously wants to say something about it
>the suspense is killing me
> whenever she looks at the cover I stare dead into her soul as if to say, "speak up bitch"
>one day everyone else is outside fucking around on a free day
>it's just me and her In the classroom
she says, "have you read metamorphosis?"
"Yea, I enjoyed it a lot", says I
"It's pretty good", she says
>Silence...
I say, "was that it?"
"What?"
"Has that what you've been trying to say for a week?"
>looks surprised that I noticed
"I guess I was just nervous you looked quiet" she said smiling
>fast forward two months
>fucking this chick
>she's cooking up something in the kitchen
>see her phone is ringing
>It's a guy I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me with
>pick it up
"Look baby I got tell you something"
>put on a female voice
"What is it brian?"
"I have chlamydia, I just got tested"
>rage.jpg
>Look around and see the collected works of Franz Kafka
>Kafka started this relationship, and he will destroy it
>pick it up
>start destroying everything I see with the book
>destroy her collectable porcelain figures, all her lamps, break out her windows
>my hands start bleeding from the window
>slinging blood all over the place in my fury
>she comes in crying and asking why
>I stop, the room is utterly destroyed, there's blood everywhere
>realise I'm fucking insane
>jump out the window, run the fuck away
>the next day I bought an apartment three states away, and moved
>never been back

[Anonymous No.10268582]

>>10267657
Oh, there was no way to know that. But you have my attention.

[Anonymous No.10268622]

>>10268482
You did good anon

[Anonymous No.10268661]

>>10267637
fake and gay

also
>6'3 130lbs
dudes actually disgustingly skinny

thank mr skeltal

[Anonymous No.10268668]

>>10268482
take notes ppl this is how u make up a good greentext

[Anonymous No.10268676]

Nothing comes to mind.
Maybe today was a blunder because
>Anon, could you summarize the main questions asked by Kant?
>"Fuck if I know them in this language"

[Anonymous No.10268702]

>>10267636
>I had disclosed to the doctors while I was out of it that I had taken acid, my Parole officer found out, and I was in jail for 2 weeks.

Maybe this is stupid, but what about doctor-client privilege? seems like a huge target for a lawyer, since hospitals are rich and insured to the hilt, and your damages are open-and-shut since it can be proved that you went to jail for 2 weeks. the doctors might lie, but the PO doesn't have anything to lose by telling the truth that the doctors tipped him

[Anonymous No.10268710]

>>10268049
uhh well originally it started by me reading Italian shit to him and he would tell me if I said something wrong or tell me what words meant. Then I read some short story to him and he told me "your voice reminds me of Gwyndolin from Dark Souls" and that it was relaxing having me read, and then I spilled my spaghetti everywhere with my book autism. Now we read books regularly.

[Anonymous No.10268734]

>>10267669
>doing something gay
>scared to repeat gay thing in story

that does sound like a cute friendship tho. i'm always the one that reads to my girlfriends, and they're rarely interested enough to keep attention

[Anonymous No.10268780]

>>10268482
Thanks for this

[Anonymous No.10268785]

>>10268482
You talk to anyone about possible BPD?

[Anonymous No.10268797]

>>10268193
where do you think we are?

[Anonymous No.10268997]

>>10268785
It was the most fun I've had in my life. True unadulterated destruction. Chaos without bounds. That primal violent instinct we all have expressed in the most direct way. So yea, maybe it's BPD.

[Anonymous No.10269607]

>>10267649
Did you just assume that anon's gender?

[Anonymous No.10269616]

>>10269607
Yeah, I rarely talk to girls outside /soc/ or /r9k/.

[Anonymous No.10269822]

>Reading some book about body langauge during recess back when I was 11
>Title was something like "The Art of Reading Minds"
>Weird kid in class walks up to me at some point
>"You know it's impossible to read minds, right?"
>Title was obnoxiously large on the book, so I knew what he meant
>Explained to him what it was about and what I knew so far
>"k, whatever"

I later found out that damn near everyone in my class thought I was some nut who believed in such things. But no, body language it was.

>Book ruined my teen years due to me over-analyzing everyone instead of socializing like a normal human being

Fuck that book, and fuck me for believing it.

[Anonymous No.10269851]

>>10267669
not going to lie, pretty weird, but at least your friend is learning...

[Anonymous No.10269867]

>>10267605
What book was it,Michael?

[Anonymous No.10269869]

>>10268482
i lost it at
>put on a female voice
LOL just thinking about it killed me dude, thanks alot for that belly laugh my dude and sorry about the chick.

[Anonymous No.10270210]

>>10268110
this is my stack, I'm not an 'advanced /lit/' by any means, I'm trying to ease back into reading since I was young.

>>10268582
true, I could have worded my greentext a little better

Basically girl with daddy issues reading Lolita at age 13
>self-aware nymphet

[Anonymous No.10270217]

>>10270210
>>10268110
pardon, *ease back into reading since I haven't read that much since I was young/ since Lolita.

[Anonymous No.10270225]

not for me but for the customer when I was working in a bookstore. a middle aged woman came and start asking for a book called "revenge of young werther"

>dafuq.jpg

I told her does she mean Goethe? She said yeah thats the one! I said the book is called the sorrows of young werther not revenge of werther. she insists there is a book called like that. after checking out the real book she concludes that this is the first one and the revenge is the sequel. she leaves to go and ask it to another bookstore.

[Anonymous No.10270231]

>>10270210
>all tiny paperbacks
dammit woman just read Karamazov long =/= difficult

[Anonymous No.10270242]

>>10270225
Lmao. Someone please write ‘Revenge of Young Werther’ where he comes back from the dead to kill Lotte and Albert.

[Anonymous No.10270250]

I can be your Humbert, elope with my my sweet nymphic Dorothy

[Anonymous No.10270278]

>>10270231
>>10270231
paperbacks work well for me, I have small hands, I have small bags, I'm also about to go travelling around France so I want something I can easily pull out of my bag.

I know length doesn't equate to difficulty, I have no trouble with 'difficult' to read texts which is why I loved Nabokov so much, but if it drags on... well I just get bored easily with texts and I'm trying to combat that, so I'm trying to ease into reading with texts that won't feel like a lot to swallow. Just to knock off some things from my library.

>>10270250
Considering.
how old are you?

[Anonymous No.10270341]

>>10268702
It only covers patient's actual information, or information about a condition. It's not lawyer/client, if you tell a doctor the reason your hand is broke is because you beat the everliving shit out of someone in a bar, they'll probably call the police.

T. Someone who broke his hand beating the everliving shit out of somebody at a bar and had to have a talk with the police after getting treated.

>Sooo...did you leave right after?
>No, I stayed until close. The bartender gave me some ice.
>Sooo...nobody reported it then?
>No sir
>What about the other guy?
>His wife cussed at him and dragged him to their car.
>his face when
>Maybe don't punch people in bars anymore, okay?
>Yes sir.

[Anonymous No.10270372]

>>10270225
>"revenge of young werther"
dis time it's poisonal

[Anonymous No.10270535]

>>10269867
Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It's not game changing literature, but it's the pinnacle of the mystery/historical fiction genre in my opinion.

[Anonymous No.10270569]

>>10268140
>>10268661
Here's your proof

Name removed from paperwork for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous No.10270600]

>>10270569

Man I cringe at how poorly written that paperwork is.

[Anonymous No.10270604]

>>10270600
Also, nice spider.

[Anonymous No.10270608]

>>10267603
no.

[Anonymous No.10270613]

>>10270604
holy fuck, i didn't even notice it till you said that. I just checked and it was still there, thankfully it was dead.

[Anonymous No.10270631]

>>10267582
>be 13
>like reading but not really into classics yet, mostly Chrichton-tier shit
>find a book by a new author
>read it, when I'm done, lend it to a friend
>he also likes it
>at the bookstore later, decide to be nice
>buy two more of his books so I can read one and lend the other to my friend and switch
>my book was alright, worse than the other
>but his
>this fucking faggot pleb-tier author decides to put a fucking clumsy, poorly-written, out-of-nowhere, lesbian orgy in the middle of his novel
>this faggot, pleb-tier friend of mine decides to share with the class
>obviously telling them that it was my book
>mfw this reputation carried throughout the rest of middle school
>mfw senior year of high school l was talking to a girl I liked and she made a joke about this event
>mfw she didn't even go to middle school with me
anyway the moral of the story is never read genre fiction

[Anonymous No.10270644]

>>10270600
It's just mostly automated reports from the electronic health care record. His hospital has Epic.

[Anonymous No.10270699]

>>10270631
you should have capitalised on your bad boy reputation, yeah

[Anonymous No.10270710]

>>10270631
never give anyone anything.
I "lent" Chubby Cheeto-fingers my favorite comic omnibus that I had to special order in middle school and he never gave it back and when I asked he would start having fake coughing fits and pretend not to have heard me before coughing himself away.

[Anonymous No.10270804]

>>10267582
>be me 15 year old girl
>hottie teacher that homeschools me doesn't notice me senpai
>i decide to act more mature than my age so he doesn't look at me like a little girl
>decide to read all his books
>sneak into his room
>heartbeating.jpg
>pull out book, realize it's in latin, try to put it back
>unable to put it back on shelf
>whole shelf breaks
>he comes in the room as the shelf breaks
>thinks i was playing a prank on him
>hates me for it
>mfw my mother gets sick and he spends time with me out of pity and falls in love with me
>mfw he gets sick and dies shortly after

[Anonymous No.10270819]

>>10270804

[Anonymous No.10270823]

>>10270804
sensiblechuckle.gif

[Anonymous No.10270878]

>>10270804
I don't get it

[Anonymous No.10270885]

>>10270878
pleb

[Anonymous No.10270904]

>>10270885
I don't get it

[Anonymous No.10270928]

>>10270804
is this even real
>mfw he falls in love with me
how???

[Anonymous No.10270935]

>>10270928
>t. Never fell in love with a 15 year old while being at least 3+ years older

[Anonymous No.10270939]

>>10270935
he's a teacher though.
And presumably would have been beyond his 50's at least if he died.

[Anonymous No.10270941]

>>10270935
>t. didn't understand that Humbert is not a sympathetic character

[Anonymous No.10270951]

>>10270939
People die of shit other than natural causes.
So it's entirely possible he was in his 20's.
Sounds more like a tutor than teacher in practice if you ask me.
>>10270941
Didn't read Lolita until after shit occurred. I identified with the rough situation sure, but not Humbert or the specifics of it.
I was only 19, and we had known each other for two years before anything occurred, but since at that time she was 13 and I 17, I couldn't condone it, despite her interest.
However, time and growth changed that.

>She still ended up cheating on me and leaving me though despite us going so far as to planning marriage when she was of age

C'est la vie.

If there ever was "the one" that got away, it was her.

[Anonymous No.10270960]

>>10270951
>she still ended up cheating on me
>despite us planning marriage
oh anon. Girls that age can never really commit to relationships. They want to see what they'd be missing out on while they still can.

[Anonymous No.10270966]

>>10270951
Oh, you weren't speaking in a general sense, you were blogging. Carry on

[Anonymous No.10270972]

>>10270951
so you got cheated on by a 14 year old mini-slut? well done, sir.

[Anonymous No.10270973]

>>10270960
So I learned.
I should find solace in the fact that the following 4 relationships she was in, all lasted under 2 months, and in everyone the guy cheated on her.
and that she said I was too good for her, etc.

But, I also only know all this because I made the mistake of trying to stay in contact with her after it occurred out of the hope she would come back to me.

Speaking with her everynight, only getting to see her once in a year period after, and listening to all going on in her life....

Well, it damn near drove me crazy.

>>10270966
da

[Anonymous No.10270982]

>>10267582
>reading Beautiful Losers in a student-frequented cafe near my uni
>pouring whiskey in my coffee under the table
>girl in my class sits at my table
>whatcha reading
>show her the cover
>well you're certainly one of those things
>mfw

[Anonymous No.10270987]

>>10270982
But which did she mean anon?
Surely a lady wouldn't be mean to a lil' monkey fella for no reason

[Anonymous No.10270993]

>>10270987
It's just banter la. She borrowed the book from me later because she was into Cohen.

[Anonymous No.10271027]

>>10267582
>a stranger appears.
>what you reading?
>qu'ran. allah akbar.
>shoots bullets in the head.

true story. happened yesterday.

[Anonymous No.10271136]

>>10267582
*doesn't know
ftfw

[Anonymous No.10271139]

>>10267625
would be friend with/10
do you wanna hang out on /soc/?
i'm looking for a new interwebz penpal

[Anonymous No.10271142]

>>10267652
ikr

[Anonymous No.10271145]

>>10271139
kill yourself dweeb

[Anonymous No.10271157]

>>10267625
>>10267649
>>10267657
>>10268110
>>10270210
>>10270217
>>10270278
why are shitty /lit/ threads with mildly attention whoring femanon so comfy?
frogposters are cancer tho

[Anonymous No.10271159]

>>10268049
>>10268077
true fact: it also works for sex sometimes

[Anonymous No.10271167]

>>10270278
>France
say no more
if you're cool, you can come to my place
innawoods

[Anonymous No.10271173]

>>10270341
police are bro: the greentext

[Anonymous No.10271174]

>>10271173
you can easily tell the op was white

[Anonymous No.10271182]

>>10270631
you had everything, dude
you could have been a fucking legend

[Anonymous No.10271188]

>>10271157
I'll take this as a compliment anon. I aim to make life as comfy as possible.

>>10271167
what does this even mean.

[Anonymous No.10271189]

>>10270960
>Girls that age can never really commit to relationships. They want to see what they'd be missing out on while they still can.
and that's how you manage to get into their pants desu

[Anonymous No.10271191]

>>10271174
it's ok to be white

[Anonymous No.10271193]

>>10271189
exactly. And that's as far as you can go. Because becoming emotionally attached to children is just a horrible thing.

[Anonymous No.10271194]

>>10271191
not really desu

[Anonymous No.10271201]

>>10271188
>what does this even mean.
air bnb in comfy rural farmland

[Anonymous No.10271205]

>>10270278
Don't listen to this dude >>10271167
Come to mine, we'll read Nabokov and ride bicycles in the countryside

[Anonymous No.10271206]

>>10271194
sorry
will kms asap

[Anonymous No.10271212]

>>10271205
it was already 2 dudes
you're #3

[Anonymous No.10271216]

>>10271201
France? Whereabouts? Already got family spread around.

[Anonymous No.10271218]

>>10271205
I never learnt how to ride but I'd like to, sounds
>COMFY

[Anonymous No.10271220]

>>10271216
not too far from Bordeau
where you from anon?

[Anonymous No.10271221]

>>10271220
*here is the fucking x i forgot

[Anonymous No.10271239]

>>10271220
Les-Lilas, but I got shoved into Australia with my mum when I was 3. I'm visiting family for Christmas/New Year. My sister lives in Monteux, one of my Uncles lives near Champagne, he's a beekeper. And I've got two other uncles and an aunt spread around. I'm staying in Paris, Bry-Sur-Marne with a family friend, too.
My Godfather is buried in Bordeaux. Dunno if I'll visit his grave.

[Anonymous No.10271262]

>>10271218
It is comfy indeed and don't worry, I am a good teacher. I'm in Orleans, a 30-min train ride from Paris.

>>10271212
Still on the podium

[Anonymous No.10271273]

>>10271262
>>10271220
how are there 2 French people in this thread?

[Anonymous No.10271280]

female appears and whole conversation revolves around her for 80 posts: the thread

[Anonymous No.10271286]

>>10271280
you jealous?

[Anonymous No.10271289]

>>10271286
bien sur

[Anonymous No.10271291]

>>10271286
nope, just annoyed that females always do this and you guys are so fucking stupid you pile on anything that claims it has a vagina like maggots on a carcass

[Anonymous No.10271296]

>>10271291
I wouldn't blame the women for that so much.

[Anonymous No.10271298]

>>10271273
c'est presque un raid nom de dieu

[Anonymous No.10271302]

>>10271291
kek
nice complaining, anon 7,5/10

[Anonymous No.10271308]

>>10271291
it's 2017 anon, just grow your own boobs ffs

[Anonymous No.10271320]

>>10271262
ca va anon, je suis trop loin ; je te la laisse
vous pouvez passer a deux plus tard si vous voulez
je vous ferai des crepes

[Anonymous No.10271325]

>>10271280
>female appears
>frenchfag everywhere
kek

[Anonymous No.10271336]

>>10270987
sometimes as a way of showing interest or attraction the human female will exhibit various forms of jesting relating to serious matters that males are involved in, by making light/fun of something they are engaging the male into conversation which leads to a stronger bond and could mean potential mating in the future.

[Anonymous No.10271342]

>>10270878
>>10270904
>>10270928
>>10270939
It is from Poor people, Dostoevsky, the teacher (tutor) is in his 20's he is a sickly student, everyone is sickly and everyone dies, read it anyone though it's fucking mint cunt.

[Anonymous No.10271352]

>>10271342
when a /lit/ joke flies right under a /lit/'s nose.

[Anonymous No.10271354]

>>10271336
does that kind of high-functionning autism allow you to get grills irl?
asking for a friend

[Anonymous No.10271357]

>>10271320
Merci camarade, t'es un vrai ça fait plaisir. Va falloir qu'on se fasse ça, je ramènerai le rouge et la confiture

[Anonymous No.10271365]

>>10271352
i mean if they haven't read it they haven't read it, i'll be happy if this piqued their interest though because.. * supreme feeling of gayness has come over me and can no longer continue talking candidly*

[Anonymous No.10271377]

>>10267657
Do you live in London?

[Anonymous No.10271385]

>>10271357

>>10271320 isn't me >>10271218 but the sentiment still stands.
Reading Nabokov, making crepes and cycling through the country side are all very appealing.

>>10271377
Nope, see >>10271239
>Australia

[Anonymous No.10271422]

>>10271385
Yeah I know, this was the other french anon inviting us for some crepes in Bordeaux. Well that sounds great, we can do all of these in this order or another. You talked about the christmas break right?

[Anonymous No.10271426]

>>10271385
???

[Anonymous No.10271431]

>>10271357
>ramener du vin rouge
>a Bordeaux

[Anonymous No.10271441]

>>10270644
Looking at the header its pretty obvious they have Epic. How did you know?
t. Works there

[Anonymous No.10271464]

>be me
>scuba diving with my sister, her girlfriend, my friend Pat and an instructor named Juan
>explore a sunken wreck
>juan severs his oxygen line on a jutting piece of rebar and drowns
>spend several hours in decompression trying to process what just happened
>outwardly we all agree to stick with the truth
>covertly we break into alliances of people who will testify against someone else.
>sister and girlfriend intend to pin it on Pat
>Pat and I intend to pin it on girlfriend
>months go by
>locked into litigation
>my own attorney leaves courtroom in the middle of testimony
>replaced by state attorney named Phillipe
>Phillipe is under investigation for insider trading
>don't like our chances, decide to commence plan "blame it on the girlfriend"
>lie under oath constantly
>Phillipe turns up missing, has fled to the cayman islands
>trial goes into indefinite suspension as the CIA attempts to track him down
>Juan's brother appears, swearing a blood oath against myself and Pat
>we illegally obtain firearms to protect ourselves
>buy a copy of Peter Nadas "Parallel Stories" and hollow it out to stash the gun in
>buy a second copy to read while in the hotel room
>idiot me puts them both next to each other on the shelf
>leave to get drunk
>return to hotel room, Pat has been shot dead
>unhollowed copy of Parallel Stories found next to the body
>taken into police protection against Juan's brother
>can't sleep, mind racing
>decide to read
>read parallel stories until late at night
>receive phone call
>it's Phillipe
>has tangible evidence that sister's girlfriend sabotaged Juan's oxygen line
>can only give this evidence to me through state recognised intermediary
>will only do it if I doctor receipts for him
>go to his office
>crawling with cops
>come back at night and break in
>doctor receipts as ordered
>return home
>police protection has been called away, juan's brother has supposedly been sighted
>breathe a sigh of relief
>receive a call from sheriff
>it was a decoy
>panic
>front door opens
>reach for hollowed out peter nadas
>pump the guy full of lead
>it's phillipe
>he came to collect receipts
>i've killed phillipe
>my god

[Anonymous No.10271474]

>>10271464
Why would anyone need to lie about a dude fucking up his own oxygen line?
>several hours in decompression
>one instructor, four newbies
What sort of idiotic diving outfit is this? I don't believe that's legal anywhere in the world. Even with more instructors than inductees you're not allowed anywhere near the sort of depth that would require more than a few minutes decompression at 3m or something. Besides, instructors are equipped with secondary breathing masks in case something goes wrong. Open and shut this is Juan's fault and if he worked for a company they'd also be liable for all of you and Juan's family to sue them.

[Anonymous No.10271482]

>>10271354
Not yet, i have devised a plot to procure a woman in which i am currently in the process of undertaking, the stakes of this game are higher than any other i have ever set in motion, i slowly began by visiting the grocery story and making small talk with the clerk, she was a cherry woman at the ripe age of 86. In hopes of engendering a situation in which this old slut will give a favourable standing in relation to her colleagues i set about buying her gifts and adding notes as to my intentions within the community in relation to a certain cashier with red hair and freckles. All my attempts thus far to receive an answer as to whether this tempest will answer my affections to my liking have been met with muffled suspense as i dart in between isle 9 and 10 stealing glances at her my heart loses its patience and beats against me as in protest at my feebleness.

[Anonymous No.10271483]

>>10271474
In that cacophonous and insane rambling, that's what you fixated on?

[Anonymous No.10271484]

>>10271474
>implying these rules matter in a place that would employ "Juan"

[Anonymous No.10271489]

>>10271483
The first six lines and no more? Yes.

[Anonymous No.10271501]

>>10271431
Justement, d'autres horizons sont possibles niveau pinard, la France est grande et belle. Je ramènerai du Touraine, tu sortiras ton Bordeaux.

[Anonymous No.10271534]

>be me
>be not good at native speak
>getting advice from my native compatriot on how to get gf
>answered to bring flower, chocolate and wear a tie
>gut to store to buy flower and chocolate
>they have self raising and plain
>silly question as i have better things to do with my time
>pick chocolate on random, it's cheap so pick six packs of it
>wear tia and what i bought to females place
>she ask me if i want her to bake me a cake because i bring her a pound of self raising flour and six bars of cooking chocolate
>ask me why i'm wearing cable tie round my neck
>ask me if i'm asking her out
>say yes
>she goes for her coat
>it takes a lot of time for her to find coat
>returns with gloss reflecting mask her face and war paint on her lips
>realise she wearing rat hunting mask
>go rat hunting with her
>she catch 37 rats
>i say i only catch five ever
>she make funny faces as we go home
>i think it went well

[Anonymous No.10271543]

>>10271464
what is this

[Anonymous No.10271550]

>>10267582
>be freshman in college, first week of first semester
>only book i've ever read outside of high school was Infinite Jest, I never read any real literature. I was not aware it was regarded as such a meme book in the literary world. I genuinely thought it was the #1 greatest book ever written, and I only read like 3 books, 4 if you count that i read IJ twice.
>i would talk about it at parties with girls.
>i would bring it up in my english lit class, question why it isn't on the syllabus, i'd call out, interrupt the class. i'd go to office hours and try to bring it up to my instructor in front of the other graduate research assistants and they all just looked at me like i was insane
>no matter what the topic was in any essay, i'd connect it to IJ somehow, mainly because I viewed literature as 99% Infinite Jest and 1% people making poor attempts to create something as good (meanwhile having zero points of comparison to IJ)
>my breaking point was when i attended a seminar from some famous lit professor. he said something along the lines of Infinite Jest being good, and everyone laughed, and he smiled, as if he was sarcastic and I was really confused.
>i straight up interrupted him and asked "um why was that funny?"
>i saw a few of the grad research assistants from office hours stifling their laughter, i felt something was up
>speaker says "well it's a good book but the people who rave about it only do so because they've never read much else, like upper class white kids."
>fuming i say "that's not true at all"
>speaker says "if you rave about it, have you even read Pretentious Angst by Ernest Milton?"
>i blindly respond "of course i have, it's a classic"
>the entire room bursts into booming laughter
>i look around completely dumbfounded
>after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."
>i storm out, switch majors the next day
>4 years later, senior year, at a bar talking to a qt3.14, she says she's an english major, i'm a marketing major, i bust her balls for not having any job security (100% taking out years of my STEM roommate busting MY balls about job security)
>her friend arrives, also an english major
>"oh i remember you, you're the Infinite Jest guy!"
>she tells her friend the story about the seminar and what i'd do in freshman lit class
>qt3.14 says "and now you're a marketing major, lecturing me about job security and commercialism. you've literally become the very thing Wallace criticizes in Infinite Jest", and they both laugh
>i storm out
>creates 2 year existential crisis i've yet to recover from

[Anonymous No.10271556]

>>10271543
a centre for ants

[Anonymous No.10271564]

>>10271550
I hope this isn't real.
I have read scenes of violent male/male rape that didn't make my asshole clench as much as this greentext did.

[Anonymous No.10271589]

>>10271564
I have the therapy bills to prove that it's real

[Anonymous No.10271623]

>>10271550
Fucking hell, that's worse than the fuck ups in the wet snow part of notes from underground. Are you able to laugh it off today? I get flashbacks that make me feel terrible about far less severe social failures.

[Anonymous No.10271646]

>>10267614
In my country you can rape a baby to death and not get on the front page. Must be nice to live where you live, anon.

[Anonymous No.10271651]

>>10271646
South/central america?

[Anonymous No.10271653]

>>10271651
South Africa

[Anonymous No.10271662]

>>10271550
Screencapped so that I can read this whenever I need to feel better about myself.
Also you really need to stop this trend of storming out of places, buddy.

[Anonymous No.10271686]

>>10271653
Oh well, that's worse. My condolences. I hope you live in one of those gated communities.

[Anonymous No.10271767]

>>10271501
j’étais juste en train de troller
j'aime pas trop le Bordeaux en fait
je préfère le Côtes du Rhône
mais si t'as le fromage qui va bien, on pourra discuter

[Anonymous No.10271771]

>>10271534
10/10
would marry

[Anonymous No.10271787]

>>10271482
ffs just buy a hooker dude
she will love you

[Anonymous No.10271796]

>>10271550
good thing the revolver was unloaded
he would most probably have had to leave with a mildly unpaired brain and half a face, if my conjugation is right

[Anonymous No.10271805]

>>10271550
qt3.14 have balls nowadays?
god i'm fucking old

[Anonymous No.10271808]

>>10271564
>violent male/male rape
sauce

[Anonymous No.10271809]

>>10271796
There was a crime show Kendrick, I think, where they explain that he gets called to the scene where they find a guy crawling around in the kitchen without a face. Everything is covered in blood. He had tried to kill himself, and fucked up. He was trying to find the gun to finish himself off, and those dumb sonsabitches got him to a hospital. Jesus christ, just let the poor man die. I'd give him my fucking gun. For fuck's sake.

[Anonymous No.10271814]

>>10271809
this
happened to a poor fucker at my school
poor fucker had to live through it

[Anonymous No.10271833]

>>10271808
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UBlVmHHN4jLarflIKUSXPKwAbN9MkT0P/view?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.10271839]

>>10271352
No I really haven't read poor folk, and in retrospect it's pretty pretentious of people to get uppity over a lesser Dostoevsky novel. It's not like it's Goethe or anything.

[Anonymous No.10271840]

>>10271814
elaborate por favor
is he out of his misery yet

[Anonymous No.10271875]

>>10271833
anon delivers, i see

[Anonymous No.10271878]

>>10271840
no idea desu
i left school a loooong time ago

[Anonymous No.10271905]

>>10271875
I have a physical copy of that book, I remember downloading that pdf on my old laptop back on some website that no longer exists, so I don't think you can find it online anymore. Some of those stories are funny as fuck I am sad to say.
>Then they told me it was time for dance training. They turned on the stereo and said they had picked out a special song for me to dance to. It was a Village People song. They told me to put my hands up in the air and pump my butt. They told me to rehearse this dance over and over until I got it right. They told me I wasn't dancing right and that I would have to be punished for it. They kept rewinding the same song. They kept telling me they were going to train me to dance perfectly to that song while they held guns on me. They told me what a jock I was, that I must not have anything better to do with my life than live at the gym. One of the guys went to get a tape measure to measure my body and said he was going to prove what an asshole I was. They seemed to have a lot of anger directed toward guys who go to gyms. That was a big focus.

literally fucking lost my shit. Those aren't rapists, those are master fags.

[Anonymous No.10271910]

>>10267582
>>>/r9k/
dumb frogposter

[Anonymous No.10271911]

>>10271814
goddamn. that's why my suicide of choice is poison.
I'm an idiot, but I'm not stupid.

[Anonymous No.10271931]

>>10271809
being christians, liberals hate death because they fail to derive death from their spooky framework of ''rational'' justification and compassion

[Anonymous No.10271936]

>>10271911
Poison suicides are fucked up often too. Just aim for the brainstem. Or, even better, die of old age after a decent life.

[Anonymous No.10271941]

>>10271936
>die of old age after a decent life
My method of suicide is already underway. I was diagnosed with brain cancer last month, now I just have to wait 2 more years.

[Anonymous No.10271946]

>>10268140
I took a ton of shrooms once and had a similar experience. I only remember fragments of the night and friends later told me about all the weird shit I did.

[Anonymous No.10271947]

>>10271936
>Or, even better, die of old age after a decent life.
I mean, yeah. That's the dream, right?

[Anonymous No.10271952]

>>10271931
>not knowing about the Hippocratic oath

[Anonymous No.10271971]

>>10270960
>Girls that age can never really commit to relationships.
while boys that age are noted for their turpitude and monogamy.
>b-b-but the ebil seductress PROMISED!
>>>/r9k/
no 15y.o. person understands life and commitment yet, and everyone knows it. that's why courts don't try juveniles as adults.

[Anonymous No.10271977]

>>10271767
Je crois qu'on va s'entendre! Du vin, du fromage et des australiennes

[Anonymous No.10271997]

>>10271941
Well, what can I say except wishing you luck and my condolences. I certainly wouldn't be able to deal with that.

[Anonymous No.10272045]

I was smart at school, but holy fuck was I a fedora.

>be 12
>read The God Delusion
>constantly tell all the other kids at (heavily christian) school that they're all dumb for believing in an invisible sky daddy
>history teacher tells that old "Would you abort this fucked up fetus? Congrats you just aborted Beethoven" anecdote in class
>stand up and shout "Sir, that is factually incorrect!"
>entire class starts laughing and booing
>teacher asks how I know this
>"I read The God Delusion. You should too, maybe then you wouldn't base your morals on a fictional old man in the sky."
>class keeps laughing
>the shame hits me and I sit down
>entire class mocks me for the next 2 years
>teacher joins in

>also 12
>read Freud
>keep telling my class that they'll never be as smart as me because I read "Frood" and they don't
>keep telling other kids about castration fear, Oedipus and other sexual shit
>do it so much that the school counselor calls me in and tells me to cool it the fuck down
>keep pronouncing his name as "Frood" for several years after

>be 14
>discover Marx
>bring up communism in every fucking conversation, even in class
>try to start a school communist party at school
>1 guy shows up
>threaten to beat up another kid for bringing an Ayn Rand book to school because she's "an exploitative capitalist bourgeois hack who supports racism, sexism and the tyranny of the few"

>be 15
>discover de Sade
>changedmylife.jpeg
>get it into my head that I can write just like de Sade
>write a shit-ton of stories mostly about women torturing and raping kids to death
>try to read these stories to my classmates
>nobody wants to hear that shit
>this one really meek and awkward German boy is too awkward to tell me to fuck off
>end up reading my stories to him for an hour
>afterwards he walks off without saying a word or even looking at me
>was expelled shortly after that

[Anonymous No.10272065]

>>10271911
>poison
enjoy your fucked up kidneys and/or digestive system
you'd better jump in front of a train
you can also get hilarious results with that

[Anonymous No.10272074]

>>10271941
i'm with you
travel the world with loved ones dude

[Anonymous No.10272082]

>>10271977
on dirait le titre d'un film de max pecas pour etre desu
(moi sur la droite)

[Anonymous No.10272091]

>>10272045
desiretoknowmoreintensifies.jpg

[Anonymous No.10272100]

>>10272091
After I was expelled I was very very close to becoming a NEET. Then I got accepted into another school and straightened my life out to the point where I'm studying to be a doctor now.

Moral of the story: even the most hopeless case of autism can be overcome.

[Anonymous No.10272102]

>>10272045
This is even worse than the infinite jest guy

[Anonymous No.10272140]

>>10272100
>doctor
what about sex & drugs?
for great justice

[Anonymous No.10272182]

>>10270569
Are you the psychologically unhinged guy who was on sci as well

[Anonymous No.10272187]

>>10271833
>>10271905
kek
i fucking love you
n-no homo

[Anonymous No.10272193]

>>10272182
>4chan is me and a dozen other guys

[Anonymous No.10272214]

>>10272193
>4chan isn't me and a dozen other guys

[Anonymous No.10272261]

>>10272214
/lit/ is just the two of us
and i pretend to be a girl sometimes

[Anonymous No.10272507]

>>10271173
what the fuck are you talking about

[Anonymous No.10272509]

>>10272187
love you too anon
full homo

[Anonymous No.10272530]

>>10268997
try playing drums

[Anonymous No.10272535]

>6th grade ish
>liked reading, but only really did it during school when there was free time
>people consider me a book nerd because anytime anyone sees me in school I have a book on me/am reading it
>make friends with another nerd
>start revealing each other's power levels
>he sees the book I'm carrying, one of those overstretched genre fiction fantasy series with like 10 parts
>he says he likes it
>ask him how far he is
>what do you mean
>well what book are you on
>oh I've already read them all!
>he starts revealing his power level more
>he reads for hours a day after school
>he reads from all kinds of different genres, while I stuck almost exclusively to genre fiction
>despite how much he reads he still retains more info than I had when we had both read a book
>my internal face from that day onward
There was nothing weird about it on the surface, just a normal encounter, but internally I was absolutely SEETHING with shame

[Anonymous No.10272568]

>walk into the local used bookstore
>say hi to the bookstore cat
>do you need help finding anything anon?
>y-ya do you guys have industrial society and its future?
>concerned "isnt that the unabomber manifesto"
>clueless "umm no it must be a coincidence"
>in head "fucking /lit/ fucking memed me again
>proves to me it was written by the unabomber
>"well now im even more interested hehe"
>doesn't find that funny
>I turn red
>I leave
Fucking thanks a lot lit that was the only used bookstore around and it was great. 4chan has to ruin yet another thing in my life yet I keep coming back to this shitpool. here's another quick one:
>read hopscotch freshman year in highschool
>think im Horacio
>glorify and pretent to have schizotypal disorder and talk about "metaphysics"
>treat all women like a curious la maga, who want to learn about what I have to teach
>hopscotch was the only book i read
>end up addicted to meth at 18 in attempt to live a boheme american southern lifestyle

[Anonymous No.10272578]

>>10267582
>6th grade literature class project
>Choose The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoesvsky (google it)
>Present my analysis to the class
>Realize I read the Garnett translation
>Class bursts out laughing. I get an F and Teacher sends me home
>mfw

[Anonymous No.10272585]

>>10272578
Had a good chuckle.

[Anonymous No.10272592]

>be me
>Bohemian artloving writing cityboy
>living meme t b h
>act with manners and ooze culture like the pseud I am when meeting gfs families
>this way they don't suspect I'll cum and dump
>actually fall for a girl
>she's /lit/ af
>introduces me to her mother
>mother is the most lit person I've met
>books wall-to-wall, a reference in every second sentence
>knows her shit about philosophy and history also
>play the culturedfag part
>she's not very impressed
>she treats me as an equal instead of falling for my pseudism
>I'm trying to impress her and she keeps the conversation going
>trying hard not to show my ignorance
>she's just a kind and intelligent woman
>can't get the upperhand

-Couldn't even fuck then dump that gf, she and her mother were too awesome to leave
-had to face my pseud memelife
-the mother called me gay when discussing Freud, with arguments based on psychoanalysis ofc. She was joking but shit


All in all it was embarrassing

[Anonymous No.10272671]

>>10272592
>tfw iwn be intelectually humiliated by a qt and her mom

[Anonymous No.10272686]

>>10272578
>Class bursts out laughing.

What's so funny about it? Never read the book.

[Anonymous No.10272689]

>>10272578
why is the Garnett translation bad?

[Anonymous No.10272696]

>>10272507
the police, obviously

[Anonymous No.10272720]

>>10272592
1/ fuck them both
2/ kys
3/ ????
4/ profit!

[Anonymous No.10272750]

>>10271550
Can someone post the greentext about the IJ obsessed student who keeps two copies in his backpack and slams the second copy down on his desk when his classmate throws the first one out the window?

[Anonymous No.10272765]

>>10272750
>be notorious class clown in high school, one time diving across a teacher's desk like a slip-and-slide and knocking over everything on his desk.
>night classes, classmates single parents and former military who work during the day, razor thin tolerance for bullshit
>read Infinite Jest the summer before college. unironically believed it was the pinnacle of literature despite only reading high school literature prior to it.
>English Literature, The American Experience class
>female "instructor", AKA Ph.D student
>I bring up Infinite Jest in literally every single discussion, even if it has nothing to do with it
>instructor tells me how Infinite Jest is a contemporary work that might be forgotten in the next 10 years, not worthy of comparison to the classics, and beyond the scope of this class
>actual animosity builds between instructor and i
>sometimes in the middle of discussion while she's talking, i'll take my copy of Infinite Jest out of my backpack and loudly smack it onto my desk, making the entire class jump and look at me. This caused the professor to KNOW I'm about to ask a question relating her monologue to Infinite Jest, and you can feel her shifting her monologue mid-sentence to steer away from as much possible Infinite Jest-related things as she could. That simple smack was a real mind fuck. The rest of the class was glaring at me.
>one day I did this and a former US Marine sitting next to me literally grabbed my copy of Infinite Jest and threw it out the window. We were on like the 4th floor and it was raining outside.
>the class applauded loudly
>then SMACK! i had another copy of Infinite Jest in my backpack. I was SO proud of this, and trying so hard to hold back my shit-eating grin but I couldn't contain it. I looked beyond autistic.
>"Get out!" the instructor yelled. Thinking everyone would laugh, I was scared at her response, and the Marine took my backpack and book and placed it in the hallway and held the door for me to leave
>i ended up dropping the class

[Anonymous No.10272790]

>>10268482
Laughed hard at this

Hope it's true

[Anonymous No.10272791]

>>10272765
YES thanks

[Anonymous No.10272858]

>>10271662
Post plz, I'm on mobile.

[Anonymous No.10272943]

>>10272082
Je ne connaissais pas ce grand monsieur mais maintenant je sais quoi regarder ce soir. Merci anon, tu es un frère

[Anonymous No.10273040]

>>10267582
>be in 9th grade
>teacher is having each student read 1 page aloud
>sitting next to this gorgeous black girl who is new to the school, has very few friends, and I've been slowly working my charm. some of my friends in my class noted this to me, commended my efforts, the black girl was really hot.
>it's almost my turn to read
>i turn the page a few seconds before my turn, and what do i see?
>the word "nigger" in like two different spots on the page. the first instance is on the very first sentence of the fucking page.
>panicking
>teacher calls on me to read
>"c-can i go to the bathroom?" i ask
>"that's not what the sentence says, please read the sentence, Anon." the teacher said
>see several students looking up from the page excited and worried at the same time, turning to look at me in anticipation
>i begin reading very slowly
>right before I read the N word, like the syllable before it, I see my friend from across the class giving me a goofy fucking smiling nod like pic related
>this causes me to kek (and stifle the kek) really loudly right as i'm reading "nigger"
>so to the rest of the class it just sounded like I was reading the entire sentence monotonously and then like a fucking asshole screamed the word "NIGGER!", like taking advantage of the one time i was ever allowed to say it, then reading the rest of the sentence monotonously
>some stifled laughter throughout the class
>teacher interrupts and says "you can go to the bathroom - on your way to the assistant principles office. now!"
>the black girl never talked to me again

[Anonymous No.10273056]

>>10273040
fuck off racemixer

[Anonymous No.10273101]

>>10272182
Nah man, I don't browse /sci/

[Anonymous No.10273128]

>>10273040
>sitting next to this gorgeous black girl

[Anonymous No.10273187]

>>10273040
I bet you were afraid to say "Voldemort" when you read harry potter, too

[Anonymous No.10273341]

>>10271941
i'm sorry my friend, i hope you last longer than the time you are given and enjoy the time you have like we all should, one love brother.

[Anonymous No.10273387]

>>10272568
how about not being a pussy and go back there and buy the unabomber and every other book you want instead of worrying about one doofus said to you one time, live for all of us anon, the fate of the world is in your hands.

[Anonymous No.10273396]

>>10272765
this isn't real, to make it believable you should have given a reason you had to believe the marine had intentions to throw your books out the window.

[Anonymous No.10274345]

>>10271814
like Arseface from Preacher, goddamnit

[Anonymous No.10274353]

>>10272045
>>history teacher tells that old "Would you abort this fucked up fetus? Congrats you just aborted Beethoven" anecdote in class
Holy fuck I got that spiel too. They must have a little playbook of anti-abortion propaganda or something.

[Anonymous No.10274365]

>>10272689
>>10272686
hello newfags

[Anonymous No.10274493]

>>10272578

Is that the blins cat?

[Anonymous No.10274649]

>>10271173
He was highly annoyed to have been called. If it's not a GSW, don't call the fucking police to the hospital. Pissant PA fuck, not even a real doctor.
>>10271174
Yes, and? There was no crime, and he wasn't going to waste his time.

[Anonymous No.10275365]

>>10272943
ah, la culture...

[Anonymous No.10275641]

>17 years old autistic me
>invited to the 18th birthday of a cool girl
>awkward as fuck
>joints are being passed around
>try 1
>like it
>end up smoking 4
>proceed to alternate between being completely erratic and depressed
>smash the birthdday cake on the ground, cry about not being loved, invite neighbours to the party, cry to their refusal, proceed to piss on their front door as revenge...
>be now sitting outside crying with friends holding me
>patrol police car passes by to check how things are
>stand up and beg them to take me with them because I am gonna die
>friends try to say I'm just drunk
>beg harder
>cops eventually call an ambulance
>about to be driven away
>everyone is standing, looking at me
>realize I might have ruined the party
>decide to cheer everyone up
>"We are such stuff as dreams are made on"
>thumb up

[Anonymous No.10275690]

This thread proves this boards age.

Also, women should never have been given so much liberty. This entire thread has been derailed like all of the others because one women wants to be noticed

But here comes the white knights to the rescue. . .

[Anonymous No.10275709]

>>10275690
>thread derailed because of a woman
>brings conversation back to her again, giving her more attention
I agree with you, though. Where is that one quote someone posted about all women being fucking cancerous and unable to think for themselves because their main goal is to impress men? I need it unironically.

[Anonymous No.10275750]

>16 years old
>18 year old sister just got her first boyfriend
>they met by starring in musicals, he is a dancer, studied dance, dresses nice.
>she brings him home, i'm on the couch reading dorian gray
>bf says "oh my god is that dorian gray? oscar wilde is my favourite author, i feel like he just gets my"
>i am instantly convinced my sister is dating the most gay man alive
>does he know it? why is he dating my sister? does my sister look like a man and he's thinking this will help him become straight?
>i spent the entire dinner reading the whole evening through a "my sisters bf is gay hermeneutic".
>i ask sister if she's ever considered if he's gay.
>she yells at me and we don't speak for two weeks
>3 months later they break up. sister is devastated.
>6 months later he gets engaged to someone else.
>sister is devastated all over again.
>i'm starting to maybe think he wasn't gay but he seemed to really like oscar wilde so i didn't want to call it 100%
>after this guy being married to his wife for 1 year they seperate
>turns out the wife discovered he'd been having an affair with a man for the last 5 years
>my sister, after having been destroyed by this guy again and again realises that he'd been cheating on her with a man throughout their whole relationship.
>will i say it?
>i shouldn't say it
>"i told you so"

She moved out shortly after that and we haven't really had a proper conversation since and I think I ruined my relationship with her over an I told you so, which now I regret quite a bit. She deserved better than to be fucked over so hard by this guy.

[Anonymous No.10275756]

>>10275750
bishrekshual with extreme fag tendencies

[Anonymous No.10275778]

>>10270631
Have you posted this story before? I've definitely read it once.

[Anonymous No.10275844]

>>10275750
>also reading Uncle Oscar
>taking one to know one
so, you're a right little queer then too, aren't you?

[Anonymous No.10275859]

>>10275844
sometimes a man just has to try sucking another man's fat cock to make sure he still doesn't like it