[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 28 KB, 264x869, BAD AIR.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10253977 No.10253977 [Reply] [Original]

The guys abroad weren't particularly helpful, wondering what you guys think, I wrote this during a day of paralytic ennui.

Cheers!

>> No.10253980

It's shit.

>> No.10253983
File: 486 KB, 238x155, Lucille Bluth Rolling Her Eyes.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10253983

>>10253977

Anon..

>> No.10253995
File: 129 KB, 1300x861, 12283934-Businessman-ready-to-commit-suicide-Stock-Photo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10253995

>>10253980
>>10253983
I love you guys

>> No.10254000
File: 43 KB, 540x300, IMG_4365.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10254000

Anon… easy on the thesaurus

>> No.10254009

>>10254000
Not to rush to defense but I can assure you no word I placed here was contrived for the sake of being verbose. They'd be much longer and I've been there

>> No.10254014

>>10253977
It sounds/looks like a proper poem but I'm not jivin with it

>> No.10254043

>>10253977
You're all over the place. It seems like every line introduces a new noun. You need to buckle down and stick to a few.

>> No.10254060

>>10254043
Fair man that makes sense thank you

>> No.10255114

It helps if you try to put an image in someone's head. Try not to get cought up in all the metaphors and layers you feel like you need and just focus on making a cohesive picture, and a robust story. Scale back a little