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/lit/ - Literature

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10214576 No.10214576 [Reply] [Original]

The trees and the bushes around the area John was clearing were thick and pungent with a distasteful smell, which made the trip, in his opinion, one of the worst. To make matters worse, the jungle was dense with insects; mosquitoes, gigantic ants like he has never seen before, leeches, caterpillars and milipedes. He had anticipated that a multitude of insects were going to be present, but not nearly to this extent. He had been clearing away the bushes and the protruding prongs of wood with his machete for the past hour, trying to reach his final destination of Macchu Picchu,

>> No.10214587

>>10214576
It's fine, but it's really not much.

>> No.10214589

>>10214587
its not over yet you mongoloid

>> No.10214620

>>10214576

It's not bad, I rewrote it in a better way:
>The trees and the bushes were dancing around in the area, they were careless and free as few humans ever visited them and, for them, solitude was king. John's clearing were thick and pungent with a horrible smell, which made the trip, in John's minf , one of the worst ever. To make matters worse, the jungle was infested with insects, clouds and clouds of them colored the sky black and their sound would razzle-dazzle anyone who would listen. He had anticipated that a multitude of insects were going to be present, but not nearly to this extent. He had been clearing away the bushes and the protruding prongs of wood with his machete for the past hour, longing for his dream of Macchu Picchu...


That's it, I manage to add some depth and substance to the story whilr making it a little more mysterious

>> No.10214633

>>10214589
Post the rest, anon

>> No.10214673

What's the title, anon?

>> No.10215063

Shameless self-bump

>> No.10215212

>>10214620
Much worse than the original.

>> No.10215388

>>10214620
v3:
jon liked trees, but only da ones that smeld good. he thinks about multitoods of creepy crawlys and mountin citadels give him big ol boners