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/lit/ - Literature

File: 79 KB, 450x600, 450px-Kafka_portrait.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 12:50:23 2010 No.1016174 [Reply] [Original]

SO THERE I WAS BEING KAFKA

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN TALKING ABOUT DYING"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A HAPPY STORY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I BECAME THE VOICE OF AN ERA

I LOVE MY LIFE

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 12:52:23 2010 No.1016176 File: 73 KB, 400x400, 1266435239744.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Stagolee !0Pey/QLK3E Sat Aug 7 12:54:23 2010 No.1016184 >oh_look_it's_this_thread_again.jpg

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 12:55:23 2010 No.1016186

SO THERE I WAS BEING MEYER

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN PANDERING TO ANGST RIDDEN TEENAGE GIRLS"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING SOME DECENT PROSE"

AND I WAS LIKE

"EDWARD VS. JACOB!"

NOW I AM IN THE TOP-100 OF MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE

I LOVE MY LIFE

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:00:23 2010 No.1016196
File: 70 KB, 600x600, bertrand-russell.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING RUSSELL

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN TALK ABOUT MATH"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"GODEL'S INCOMPLETENESS THEOREM"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

THEN MY BOOKS BECAME BARGAINS AT USED BOOKSTORES

FUCK MY LIFE

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:01:23 2010 No.1016199

SO THERE I WAS BEING ANON

WHEN I SEE ANOTHER THREAD WHICH IS LIKE

"YOU NEED TO PRETEND TO BE AN AUTHOR"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN THE THREAD WAS LIKE

"HOW ABOUT USING AN OLD JOKE?"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I WENT ON INTO ANOTHER THREAD

I LOVE MY LIFE

Neuro !GPYbRko6gg Sat Aug 7 13:08:23 2010 No.1016208
File: 19 KB, 240x315, 240px-Jorge_Luis_Borges_1951,_by_Grete_Stern.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING BORGES

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO SOMETHING LONGER THAN A SHORT STORY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT CHANGING YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

SO I NEVER WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.

I AM STILL BELOVED AND BRILLIANT.

FUCK YEAH!

ISC !!QmXNqgmBFwG Sat Aug 7 13:12:23 2010 No.1016213
File: 30 KB, 490x580, roberto-bolano.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING BOLANO

WHEN MY FRIENDS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO STOP WRITING SO MUCH FUCKING POETRY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A NOVEL?"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

THEN I WROTE A FEW NOVELS AND MY FRIENDS GOT RICH AFTER I DIED.

FUCK MY LIFE

SGRaaize !!85FwIP2rCSD Sat Aug 7 13:27:30 2010 No.1016228 [DELETED]

SO THERE I WAS BEING CAMÕES

WHEN MY MOTHER CAME IN AND SAID

"WHAT THE FUCK, I LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A REBELLIOUS PUNK WHO LOVES BAR FIGHTING, WHAT THE HELL"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

SO SHE WAS LIKE

"WHAT'S THAT STUPID THING YOU'RE WRITING? WHAT THE HELL, ROMAN GODS DON'T MIX WITH US"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

AND THEN I DIED AND BECAME BELOVED BY EVERY PORTUGUESE EVER

FUCK YEAH

SGRaaize !!85FwIP2rCSD Sat Aug 7 13:28:23 2010 No.1016231
File: 537 KB, 640x714, Luís de Camões.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING CAMÕES

WHEN MY MOTHER CAME IN AND SAID

"WHAT THE FUCK, I LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A REBELLIOUS PUNK WHO LOVES BAR FIGHTING, WHAT THE HELL"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

SO SHE WAS LIKE

"WHAT'S THAT STUPID THING YOU'RE WRITING? WHAT THE HELL, ROMAN GODS DON'T MIX WITH US"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

AND THEN I DIED AND BECAME BELOVED BY EVERY PORTUGUESE EVER

FUCK YEAH

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:30:23 2010 No.1016237

SO THERE I WAS BEING HERBERT

WHEN MY FANS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO HIRE SOMEONE BETTER THAN ANDERSON"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT YOU STOP LEECHING OFF YOUR FATHER'S WORK?"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN EVERY NERD HATES MY GUTS

I LOVE MY LIFE

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:31:23 2010 No.1016238
File: 32 KB, 524x720, george-orwell.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING ORWELL
WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN TALKING ABOUT TYRANNY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A LOVE STOORY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"1984 BITCH"

THEN I BECAME THE VOICE OF AN ERA

I LOVE MY LIFE

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:42:23 2010 No.1016261

SO THERE I WAS BEING OSCAR WILDE

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN TALKING ABOUT NOT-SO-CLOSETED GAY GUYS"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A STRAIGHT STORY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I BECAME THE VOICE OF GAY AUTHORS

I LOVE MY LIFE

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:42:23 2010 No.1016264 File: 47 KB, 330x480, oscar-wilde.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1016261 FORGOT A PHOTO.

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:44:23 2010 No.1016267
File: 18 KB, 312x393, 1276529941599.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING MACHIAVELLI

WHEN THE CHURCH CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO EVIL!"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A SOMETHING THATTALKS ABOUT GOOD PEOPLE"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I BECAME THE LEADER IN MODERN POLITICAL THOUGHT

I LOVE MY LIFE

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:46:23 2010 No.1016272

SO THERE I WAS BEING THE FUCKING MARQUIS DE SADE

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN TO THE ASYLUM AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN WRITING NOTHING BUT WEIRD SEX"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A REGULAR BOOK?"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"
MY LIFE SUCKED FOR A WHILE

THEN I BECAME THE VOICE OF EVERY PERVERT.

I LOVE MY LIFE

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:47:23 2010 No.1016274 File: 24 KB, 450x299, marquis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1016272 ALSO FORGOT PHOTO. FUCKING CAPTCHA.

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:51:23 2010 No.1016284

SO THERE I WAS BEING DAVID FOSTER WALLACE

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO WRITE SOMETHING THAT ISN'T A CONVOLUTED DEPRESSING MESS"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING SOMETHING WITHOUT FOOTNOTES?"

AND I HANGED MYSELF

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 13:58:23 2010 No.1016301 File: 40 KB, 798x500, 1226595136852.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1016284 >>HANGED MYSELF >>HANGED

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:01:23 2010 No.1016305
File: 6 KB, 259x194, images.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING STEPHEN KING

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN TALK ABOUT ALCOHOLIC WRITERS FROM MAINE."

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT TAKING THIRTY YEARS TO WRITE A PRETTY MEDIOCRE FANTASY SERIES AND TYING ALL OF YOUR OTHER BOOKS INTO IT."

AND I WAS LIKE

"AWESOME."

THEN I BECAME ONE OF THREE HORROR AUTHORS PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY HEARD OF.

I LOVE MY LIFE.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:02:23 2010 No.1016308 >>1016301 You could've googled it before making an ass of yourself. Or checked an old-fashioned dictionary. These are probably things you'll learn after middle school.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:03:23 2010 No.1016311 >>1016301 It's a word. Look it up.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:13:23 2010 No.1016336 File: 11 KB, 286x385, 231412314.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1016301 Why do people like you post on /lit/?

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:15:23 2010 No.1016348 SO THERE I WAS BEING BUKOWSKI WHEN MY EDITOR CAME IN AND WAS LIKE "YOU NEED TO STOP WRITING POETRY THAT SAYS FUCK YOU" AND I WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU." AND THEN I BECAME THE MOST IMITATED POET EVER I GOT A BMW AND A POOL FUCK YEAH

>>	Major Major Major !!dMAx/7Da7uM Sat Aug 7 14:31:23 2010 No.1016389 >>1016308 hanged is the correct term dipshit

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:34:23 2010 No.1016398 >>1016389 You definitely linked to the wrong post, dipshit

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:41:23 2010 No.1016410
File: 28 KB, 373x480, shakespeare1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

SO THERE I WAS BEING SHAKESPEARE

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO STOP RECYCLING OLD PLOTS AND PANDERING TO ROYALTY"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING SOMETHING WITH WORDS YOU *DIDN'T* MAKE UP"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I BECAME THE MOST INFLUENTIAL ENGLISH-SPEAKING WRITER OF ALL TIME

I LOVE MY LIFE

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:43:23 2010 No.1016416 >>1016231 Isto é maravilhoso.

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:52:23 2010 No.1016435

SO THERE I WAS BEING JAMES JOYCE

WHEN MY EDITORS CAME IN AND WERE LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN WRITE ABOUT YOUR BITCH NORA"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT WRITING A STORY THAT ISN'T ABOUT YOUR WIFE'S FARTS"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I WROTE FINNEGANS WAKE

THEN I DRANK MYSELF TO DEATH

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:54:23 2010 No.1016442 >>1016435 There's absolutely nothing correct about this post aside from the fact that he wrote a novel entitled Finnegans Wake. This is terrible.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:55:23 2010 No.1016446 Did Kafka really have editors? I thought he only published a few short stories in his lifetime, and then Max Brod published his stuff after he died.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:55:23 2010 No.1016450 >>1016446 This is correct.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:55:23 2010 No.1016452 >>1016231 Great one!

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 14:57:23 2010 No.1016456 this thread is alreaIdy on 4chan archive for some godawful reason. it wasn't even that funny. huge orson welles>>>>>>>>>>>''so there i was''. get with the times.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 15:00:23 2010 No.1016466 >>1016456 This isn't /b/. As much as I love Orson Welles, it's really not the area it should be in. P.S. Welles is huge; Orwell is puny.

>>	Anonymous Sat Aug 7 15:06:23 2010 No.1016475 File: 26 KB, 192x224, LargeThumbnail.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] perhaps we just need to broaden our discourse.

Anonymous Sat Aug 7 15:43:23 2010 No.1016574
File: 176 KB, 500x373, 1152148912552.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>1016389
>>1016398

SO THERE I WAS BEING A DIPSHIT

WHEN ANON CAME IN AND WAS LIKE

"YOU NEED TO DO MORE THAN MINDLESSLY TROLL ON THE INTERNET"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU."

SO THEY WERE LIKE

"HOW ABOUT GETTING OFF THE COMPUTER AND MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG"

AND I WAS LIKE

"FUCK YOU"

THEN I REALIZED I'M CAUGHT IN AN ENDLESS CIRCLE OF DEPRESSION AND SPITE

PLEASE HELP ME

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