/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.10060826]

How do you even make effective physical character descriptions?
Is having lesser details better?

[Anonymous No.10060830]

Be really descriptive. Say they have piercing blue eyes, long fire-red hair, etc

[Anonymous No.10060842]

>>10060830
gay

[Anonymous No.10060850]

>>10060830
How am I doing?

>Black hair of nearly mirrorlike lustre frames a teenaged face. Intelligent blue eyes contradict a resting pout which superficially suggests childishness. Periphery trusses of hair course over milkwhite shoulders like bands of polished carbon fiber. It spills around a bosom whose size and buoyancy refuses to be concealed by mortal garments, then terminates just above the shapely bow of her hips. In all she affects girlish femininity so potent as to be masculinely threatening on first glance. Looking at her produces a similar contradiction as when one runs their hand beneath hot water and thinks momentarily that it feels cold instead.

[Anonymous No.10060856]

>>10060842

[Anonymous No.10060859]

>>10060830
What if I say they're 'lithe' and their skin is 'cream colored'? I'm doing it right, yes?

[Anonymous No.10060866]

>>10060850
I'm usually nicer than most about these things but I would put that down fast. Doesn't tell me anything. Just say she looks like Denise Richards in her Wild Things days or something.

[Anonymous No.10060868]

A few telling details > head to toe purple prose.

Details are good. We like to have a hint at what characters look like. Just make the details in service of fleshing out the character, not just cataloging every inch.

[Anonymous No.10060870]

>>10060850

[Anonymous No.10060871]

>>10060866
>Doesn't tell me anything.
Yeah it does, it tells you:
>Black hair of nearly mirrorlike lustre frames a teenaged face. Intelligent blue eyes contradict a resting pout which superficially suggests childishness. Periphery trusses of hair course over milkwhite shoulders like bands of polished carbon fiber. It spills around a bosom whose size and buoyancy refuses to be concealed by mortal garments, then terminates just above the shapely bow of her hips. In all she affects girlish femininity so potent as to be masculinely threatening on first glance. Looking at her produces a similar contradiction as when one runs their hand beneath hot water and thinks momentarily that it feels cold instead.

[Anonymous No.10060876]

>>10060871
Most of that is meaningless, abstract nonsense. It stinks. It's fluffy nonsense.

[Anonymous No.10060877]

>>10060876
Wrong.

[Anonymous No.10060878]

>>10060850
It tells me what your character looks like, but now I need to know more. What is she doing? Where is she? Why is she here? How is she interacting with other characters? What is the effect she has on the environment around her? Actions speak louder than words, even in a written medium.

[Anonymous No.10060881]

>>10060876
Oh okay I'll rewrite it to your liking

>The girl has a young pretty face and blue eyes and her hair is black. She has big breasts. She looks really girly.

Is this more your level?

[Anonymous No.10060883]

>>10060878
>It tells me what your character looks like
It's almost like we're in a thread about physical character descriptions.

[Anonymous No.10060894]

>he doesn't plagiarize all of his book's character descriptions from other people's characters role playing games

[Anonymous No.10060898]

>>10060877
>>10060881
I'm chuckling about your stubbornness here. It's not very good. No one gives a fuck about your ego and no one will give a fuck about your writing if you can't describe things in ways that don't make it obvious that you're trying way to hard.

>Looking at her produces a similar contradiction as when one runs their hand beneath hot water and thinks momentarily that it feels cold instead.

See? That's nonsense.

[Anonymous No.10060899]

>>10060898
No, it's pottery.

[Anonymous No.10060902]

>>10060898
Only one of those was me

>See? That's nonsense.
Have you never ran your hand under hot tapwater and it felt like it was cold? Or vice versa? This is something that happens to people who are humans.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=hot+water+feel+cold

[Anonymous No.10060905]

>>10060876
It's okay to be jealous, wordlet.

[Anonymous No.10060907]

>>10060902
No shit. But what kind of metaphor is it for describing a woman other than one that's utter shit that you're too blockheaded to realize and accept as such.

[Anonymous No.10060916]

>>10060907
>But what kind of metaphor is it for describing a woman other than one that's utter shit that you're too blockheaded to realize and accept as such.

you right
how i learn write good like you

[Anonymous No.10060917]

>>10060826
Only describe physical traits if they signify something important about a character, such as why they act or are treated a particular way. In most cases it's best to keep these descriptions short. Let the readers use their imaginations.

"The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts." - John Greenleaf Whittier

[Anonymous No.10060919]

>>10060850
So this... is the power... of /lit/... whoa...

[Anonymous No.10060921]

>>10060871
Why is this long description necessary? Why do you feel the need to write in a grandiloquent manner?

[Anonymous No.10060924]

>>10060916
Start by being less of a snarky faggot oozing with undeserved self-assurance and learn how to craft metaphors that actually make sense.

[Anonymous No.10060934]

>>10060921
>Why is this long description necessary?
This character is an empath research subject whose first readings involve sexual fantasies her researchers have about her, and generally the story involves her being sexually desired by lots of people and her being conscious of how it feels

If you're asking why I the author wrote it that way it's partly because I'm male and I'm fascinated with pretty girls

[Anonymous No.10060989]

>>10060934
Then in this case, the less description of her the better. Let me imagine my dream girl, don't insert yours into my thoughts. Don't hold your reader's hand.
You can tell me she has soft hair, big doey eyes and little dimples in her cheeks, but any more than that and I'm not interested anymore.

[Anonymous No.10060998]

>>10060989
I'm not interested in catering shallowly to everyone at the expense of narrow but deep appeal. You'll just have to choose another book if you like to imagine the main character has stinky rotten feet or whatever you're into.

[Anonymous No.10061003]

>>10060998
Fine, write a diary, but don't be surprised when no one reads it.
If getting readers is not your goal though, by all means, good luck to you and have fun.

[Anonymous No.10061012]

>>10061003
I'm sorry, foot fetish anon.
Maybe I'll write a character just for you.

[Anonymous No.10061026]

Since I'm the only smart person itt: Let a female character describe him. Mention the characteristica 'by the way'. People have fairly good perception subcociously

>The one with the black hair.
>The tall one? He's cute

[Anonymous No.10061029]

The perspective of your story will determine the details you mention. Say it’s 1st person and your character is gay. He’s going to view the woman he passes by differently from the guy who jerks off to internet porn every night.
Even if it’s 3rd person, the voice you write in will dictate the details you being before the reader. The genre, the context, the purpose, etc. will dictate the few details out of the possible thousands you can choose from.

[Anonymous No.10061033]

Descriptions are unimportant, the most relevant thing is how the physical appeareance of the character affects the protagonist (or the characters we're trying to develop through this).

[Anonymous No.10061036]

Be as descriptive as possible fren

[Anonymous No.10061038]

Physical appearance is crucially important, you're a megabrainlet if you can't understand why.
Humans form all of their first impressions based on looks.

[Anonymous No.10061045]

>>10061036
If it weren't for the commas I would be convinced this is Cormac Mccarthy's writing

[Anonymous No.10061055]

>>10060830
Seems like a familiar idea.

[Anonymous No.10061057]

>>10060850
>Refuses to be concealed by Mortal Kombat

Jesus fuck, anon, who are you trying to impress?

[Anonymous No.10061060]

>>10060876
Don't listen to these other faggots, you are right. That description is not good.

[Anonymous No.10061064]

>>10060826
Just another matter of opinion. Here's some concrete pros and cons:

Descriptive
Pro:
Your characters have a known appearance which can appear in the mind's eye of your reader and resonate with them.

Con:
It is easy to lose a reader with a description that annoys or fails to appeal to them.

Vague:
Pro:
Your reader gets to make up the appearance of your characters, allowing for the reader to sculpt a notion of your characters that is more endearing to them personally than anything you could make up on your own. This is similar to the mute protagonist of video games which the player projects his or herself onto.

Con:
If your work is ever adapted into a popular medium, they will politicize or cheese up your character by filling in the blanks. To be fair they do this even when the appearance of a character is known.

[Anonymous No.10061066]

>>10061060
Incorrect.

[Anonymous No.10061067]

>>10061066
No.

[Anonymous No.10061071]

>>10061064
>If your work is ever adapted into a popular medium
Solution: sell book rights repeatedly, but when they come back for the film rights, don't sell it to them

[Anonymous No.10061072]

>>10061012

Your talent shines in the utterly invisible pastures of nowhere. You'd do better to put down the pen which you might or might not hold in the palm of your hand much like a 3 year old simpleton. Might I add that the pen is, I suppose and wager, rather slim like Kid Cudi's jeans, and writes with ink that possesses a hue much like the ocean on a warm summer day on the Ivory Coast, but not quite as blue as the sky on that very same and dry day.

Your ability to take criticism equals your skills in writing, which as I have said, are non-existent at most.

In short you suck, your descriptions suck, and using complicated language and forced metaphors won't make you a better writer. All it shows is that you're full of yourself. I knew that you're one of those "if you don't like it you're retarded" fuckbois by the time I finished reading your excerpt.

[Anonymous No.10061076]

>>10061072
Fuck, this made me laugh really hard.
Thanks, anon.

[Anonymous No.10061081]

Do people like the sort of stealthy description of a character through lines that primarily advance the plot? "As he creeped round, he was conscious that his jet-black hair was easily recognised against the snow," that sort of thing.

[Anonymous No.10061085]

>>10061081
I like those, but again it's a matter of opinion. Just do what you do best.

[Anonymous No.10061089]

>>10061072
I already apologized that I didn't include your foot fetish. Why are you still so emotional?

[Anonymous No.10061091]

>>10061081
I prefer quick introductions to give a general impression of a character, and if a specific trait is important or unique (or comical) enough then have it reappear occasionally

Something is banal as hair would just seem out of place unless it were important to the story

[Anonymous No.10061096]

>>10061089

I'm not even the same person fuckboi.

[Anonymous No.10061118]

.

[Anonymous No.10061133]

>>10061118
shut up

[Anonymous No.10061134]

>>10061089
You are so butthurt about the criticism you got not being up to your expected asslicking that at this point one can only point at you and laugh.

[Anonymous No.10061135]

>>10061081
If you want to do that, what works best in my opinion is giving a general outline of the character, and then filling in the blanks with your method.

I don't really like your example though, because people are not really aware of their hair color. It's the same as realizing my eyes are the same color as the leaves. You just take it for granted and don't put too much thought into these things. Now if the character was wearing a hat, or if it was his black tie we're talking about, it would feel more natural.

I'm not sure if I can fully explain my views with this comment right now, but I hope you get the idea.

[Anonymous No.10061149]

>>10061134
Hope you guys are saging.

[Anonymous No.10061158]

>>10061134
FUCK YOU, get OUT of my thread you fucking foot fetishists. Are you gay for me? Leave me alone, I bet you can't write better than me anyway.

[Anonymous No.10061180]

>>10060850
too verbose

[Anonymous No.10061215]

>>10060850
This is gay

[Anonymous No.10061235]

>>10061149
Nah, I want to give this faggot an assroast, exposing as many people as possible to his shit.

[Anonymous No.10061267]

>>10061158

...," he typed with his keyboard that had the color of death: black. His fingers would have moved with the speed of light if it was possible, but it's not, thus what you see in your head when I say "really fast" must suffice. His breathing was heavy, as heavy as a dozen large stones and half as many smaller ones. Taken out of context, one would imagine he was the victim of horrible abuse at the hand of IS in a small town found not anywhere but in Syria. He was overweight and he carried this burden with pride, made obvious by his tits that hung onto his dust laden belly. His swollen tits were situated between his armpits, humid with sweat, as a larger-than-life depiction of an Amazonian jungle, only with quarter as many critters.

By the time he typed his post he was tired, as tired as a crossfire enthusiast who hasn't talked about his pull-ups in the 5 minutes that went by with the relative speed of time. He stuck out his arms, and so his torso and shoulders enclosed 90 degrees, not more, not less. The cold autumn wind crept into the four-walled room through its open windows which were opened and closed 2 times a day, 14 times a day. He was suddenly cold, as a man is cold in cold wind, cold wind that lacks the qualities of a warm wind. Warm wind, -he thought under his fedora as circular as a basketball's silhouette on the 2016 NBA playoffs when the warriors blew a 3-1 lead- warm wind is better, warm wind is what one experiences with his skin on a warm 20th of July on the banks of the Danube in the shade of an unknown tree with no fruits. "Yes," he said with a voice that belonged to him and no one else, "this goes into my book."
He pressed x=(24/2)-(2*5) keys to switch the tabs; soon his .txt was before him. And so he typed, really fast, and it began yet again. An act repeated many times, reflecting the regularity of his life, but not the originality of an adventurer's own.

[Anonymous No.10061273]

>>10061267
Autocorrect killed it but it's still better than OP's shit.

[Anonymous No.10061344]

>>10061273
Dumb phone poster

[Anonymous No.10061452]

>>10061038
It's not. It's more important how the characters react to it. And how they perceive it. Objective descriptions are usually uninteresting.

[Anonymous No.10061465]

>>10061135
You express yourself clearly, Anon. The example the other Anon provided would make more sense through the perspective of another character.

[Anonymous No.10061812]

>>10060826
I forget which writer said this, but basically if you don't describe your characters at all, the reader's mind will just make something up. There are a lot of times in writing that you can avoid description to stoke the reader's imagination.

[Anonymous No.10062783]

>>10061812
What if I only describe my characters by how gay they look?

[Anonymous No.10062889]

>>10060850
fix'd

>Hair like obsidian framed her young face and flowed on and around her generous breasts, hardly contained by her bustier, and ends just above the shapely bow of her hips. Thoughtful eyes oppose a childish pout.
She is a threat to masculinity, that's how attractive she is.

[Anonymous No.10062902]

>>10060850
fix'd
>>Hair like obsidian frames her young face and flows on and around her generous breasts, hardly contained by her bustier, and ends just above the shapely bow of her hips. Thoughtful eyes oppose a childish pout.
She is a threat to masculinity, that's how attractive she is.

[Anonymous No.10062910]

>he looked like a cruel impression of a human made by a prepubescent boy toying with the random button in oblivion.
I use this line to describe all characters in my diary.

[Anonymous No.10062939]

>>10062902
I don't like it

[Anonymous No.10062958]

>>10060850
Fucking kill yourself cringy retard

[Anonymous No.10062963]

>>10060850
Why does /lit/ get super jealous about superior prose like this? One day if you work hard you might be able to write something close to that, so stop being bitter like women.

[Anonymous No.10062972]

>>10062939
I liked it

[Anonymous No.10062999]

I don't really describe what my characters look like, apart from sometimes alluding to hair/skin/eye colour. I don't think it's important. Because I write 90%+ of the time in first person, I don't think it's realistic for a character to notice their friend's hair or eye colour, unless there had been a sudden change

[Anonymous No.10063724]

So sick of reading shit that's trying to sound clever. All post modern literature is making this mistake. When you try to sound clever you sound like an assshole. Be honest instead. And when in doubt, compare the person to an animal.

>>10060850
Nothing you wrote describes what hair, skin, or clothing is like. I'm not sure you're even describing a girl. I can tell you spent a lot of time on it but why are you so afraid of pronouns?

>>10060934
That's all literature, and even then, you're going to have to do better than this anti-boner paragraph.

[Anonymous No.10063848]

>>10062902
god awful

[Anonymous No.10063850]

>>10063724
this whole paragraph is real shit

[Anonymous No.10063920]

>>10060850
I don't know whether this is serious or not, but I'm going to treat it on good faith. This is a bad description. You should read / write more until you can tell that intuitively. In the meantime here are some specifics:

>nearly mirrorlike lustre

'nearly mirrorlike' puts the shine at a bizarre remove: it's luster isn't like a mirror, it's almost like a mirror? This description is inferior to and superfluous alongside the one you give later – see below.

>contradict...

There is no contradiction in the description: intelligence and childishness are compatible.

>superficially suggests childishness

'superficially' is holding your audience by the hand / hitting them over the head. You already alluded to a 'contradiction,' so you only need to mention the two opposed things, without having to tell us again that the impression of the second is belied by the first.

>periphery trusses

Bad phrase, axe it.

>course over milkwhite shoulders

People do not have milk-white skin, unless they're covered in full-body makeup. If this is hyperbole, the text doesn't suggest it.

>like bands of polished carbon fiber

This phrase makes the previous description of the hair obsolete: it is far superior to the awkward formulation you used first, but by now is redundant in recapitulating the color and shine of the hair. If you include this, remove the former.

>it spills around a bosom

Hair doesn't spill around breasts. I'm not sure you can spill around something: over, to the side of?

>whose size and buoyancy refuses to be concealed by mortal garments

IDK what to say about this, just get rid of it.

>girlish femininity

First, this is just a bad phrase, since it's borderline redundant. The only way to make it not redundant is to emphasize 'girlish' as opposed to 'womanly,' but you've just gone over her large breasts and curvy hips, which are not girlish features. So the 'in all,' as if this is summarizing the impression you're trying to give, doesn't work.

>as to be masculinely threatening on first glace.

Does this mean that she's so feminine she is threatening as a man is threatening? or that she threatens men in their masculinity for being so feminine? Added to the ambiguity, neither option makes any sense to me. I simply do not know what either would look like, or what they mean.

>Looking at her produces a similar contradiction as when one runs their hand beneath hot water and thinks momentarily that it feels cold instead.

What is the contradiction you're comparing the reaction to the water to? That she's both intelligence and childish [is that a contradiction]? Or is it the feminine/masculine contradiction? If the latter, she should evidence some sort of masculine features, which she does not [she even has clichéd feminized attributes, like a pout]. If you want to keep the hot/cold water comparison, fine, but phrase it better.

After reading this (long!) description, I have very little notion what the character looks like.

[Anonymous No.10063939]

>>10060826
I don't put a lot in to physical descriptions. There will just be a sentence here about the character having crow's feet, and another there that they have graying hair, and maybe a third that they haven't shaved in five days or something.

They're boring to read so why would I write a dedicated paragraph describing how someone looks?

[Anonymous No.10064019]

>>10060850
the only problem I have with this is that if this is just a character description, your other descriptions should be just as detailed, lest you look like a giant faggot building your perfect girlfriend in your prose

[Anonymous No.10064202]

>>10060826
subtlety. dont go directly saying things about the character, but talk about the characters parts, and the whole of it will be what you want them to think. for example, if your character is a coward, don't say the look cowardly, say their eyes squint like they are paranoid and searching, say they peek out around corners like a rat, etc etc. give them metaphors that make them *think* coward through association.

[Anonymous No.10064230]

>>10060850
this is bad. you want to say she's beautiful but a little threatening? this is not how you do this. you use all these wordy words that are full of syllables and letters but don't really add anything to the picture in someone's head. you want to be thinking about that picture, not fapping with words.

Her black hair shines like the summer ocean. It covers her eyes the way a kid shyly hides in a book. It drapes over her shoulders that look like the bedding in a hotel, all white and neat and clean and fresh. It drapes over her tits like opening night of a burlesque show. I want to fuck her but she looks at me and I have to look away, she's too fierce. Looking at her is like running your hands in cold water and feeling hot.

bam, fixed it for you.

[Anonymous No.10064235]

I usually only need vague descriptors to make an opinion in my head of what a character looks like.

If you go describing every little feature, you lose me.

All i need is hair color, ethnicity/race, stature, body type, and one or two idiosyncrasies and I'm good to go.

[Anonymous No.10064245]

>>10060826
i think it's very effective to introduce basic and defining ones initially and then sprinkle them throughout the rest of the story

[Anonymous No.10064357]

going into some detail is fine, but make sure that if you do you do it at a characters introduction. Later, and you're reader may have come up with a specific mental image for that character.

[Anonymous No.10064617]

>>10064230

-her hair is black. The ocean is blue. Contradicting images. Black hair usually shines in spots as it reflects light, so it's more like the shining of stars on a dark night. Small bright spots on black.
Black hair that shines - blue ocean and sunshine
Black hair that shines - dark night with stars
The latter two doesn't conflict.

-When a shy kid hides into a book her face is covered and her eyes peek out once in a while. Hair comes from the top of your head, it cannot cover your face but leave your eyes peeking out unless done on purpose. Just say that her hair covered her eyes and it gave a shy impression.
Eyes covered by hair, face shows - face covered with book, eyes show. Contradicting images.

-Her hair is black. Why liken it to white sheets? Drop the white, leave the color of sheets unspecified. Even then it's risky because hotel sheets are often white.
Black hair - white sheets. Contradicting images.

I like the burlesque show line. Curtains in theatres are often dark red, that's much better than blue on yellow, or white, as in the former instances. I'd have said her hair hangs over her breasts like curtains over the stage, but that's just my bullshit.

The pacing is good, a lot better than OPs.

If you were going for contradictions on purpose, I understand that, but that's OPs stupidity. If you hammer a description full of conflicting images the reader will start to wonder what the fuck she actually looks like. Her hair was black but there's also blue like water in sunshine and white like sheets on a hotel bed, what's up with that?
It's the same error as telling what the subject was not, instead of telling what it was. If there's no consistency in the pictures you use, the reader will have a hard time imagining what you meant.

Ironically, OP wants to project an exact idea of this woman. He wants the readers to imagine her the way he, the writer did. That's not going to happen unless you write solid similes and metaphors without conflicting images. The best and easiest way to do it when describing something so specific is stating what it is with no bullshit.


>Looking at her is like running your hands in cold water and feeling hot.

This sums up the contradiction in her looks. No need to overdo it. You already have these:

Black - shines
Childish shyness - intelligent eyes
Childish shyness - huge tits
Hot, fuckable and feminine - frightening

You can cut all that shit and these 4 points complimented by the summary will make her contradicting features clear.

All in all my advice is to think in whole images and don't try to separate their qualities. Otherwise you might end up with conflicting images.
If you write "shined like the ocean on a sunny day" the reader will imagine it all: the water, the sun, the bright atmosphere, his idyllic cliche. You can try and separate one aspect, the shining itself, but it's no good, the reader has already painted that bright picture that conflicts with everything dark and black.

[Anonymous No.10064645]

I don't describe my characters in a void
>she had long black hair
no
>she said, brushing her long black hair from her face
yes

[Anonymous No.10064677]

>>10060826
You can literally fill an entire book just with description of one character and it will still be never even close to a small resolution picture, so long winded descriptions don't make any sense, unless they include more than appearance with intelligent prose, and don't read like descriptions.

>>10060894
So basically a big chick that looks shy. Who the fuck needs the rest? By the next page you forgot about her freckles and voice unless it's repeated again.

>>10061026
>not using both perspectives to characterise your POV characters at the same time

>>10064202
Good post.

>>10064645
Also a good post although one can easy overdo it and make it sound gimmicky.

[Anonymous No.10064720]

>>10063920
I think you fell for the bate. There is no way someone can in earnest write something so inept

[Anonymous No.10065084]

"she is pretty lol"

[Anonymous No.10065104]

>>10060850
GRRM/10.

[Anonymous No.10065240]

>>10065084
Is still better than some long ass description as if it were a race horse. Add some shit about body type and hair color and you provided the reader with enough to let the fantasy do the rest.

[Anonymous No.10065253]

This thread makes me reassured about my own writing, and also makes me feel more confident about my views regarding literature: it seems most of /lit/'s criticisms come from people who write like this or find this kind of writing proper.

[Anonymous No.10065277]

>>10065253
It's not like you really compete with /lit/ writers who dream about writing books while writing shitposts.

[Anonymous No.10065358]

>>10060850
This is real writing, which is to say non-photodefeatist writing. Yes cameras and paintings exist, no that doesn't mean you have to give up on producing strong imagery in your book. Ignore wordlets upset by it.

[Anonymous No.10065383]

>>10065277
True, but this tells me I'm not at the bottom of the shit well.

[Anonymous No.10065436]

>>10065253
>getting an ego boost reading opinions that were created to bait replies.
This is a new level of pathetic

[Anonymous No.10065448]

>there are /lit/ wordlets who glaze over details which are crucially important to the human psyche, such as character descriptions or characters having sex, because they think doing so makes them a more 'proper' writer

[Anonymous No.10065458]

>>10065436
Do you honestly think there aren't any honest opinions here? Then mine isn't one either and you're the one being baited.

[Anonymous No.10065462]

>>10064617
the ocean shines with streaks that remind me of hair. its not the color im bringing attention to, but the lazy summer days that feel calming, like i imagined her beauty to make you feel.

the white i was referring to her shoulder like in the original post ("over milkwhite shoulders"), not her hair. but yeah i guess it was unclear?

[Anonymous No.10065485]

>>10065448
>there are /lit/ wordletists who waste words on shit that doesn't contribute to the experience, such as character descriptions that attempt to paint a picture with words or characters having sex, because they never learned the strengths and weaknesses of their chosen medium

[Anonymous No.10065490]

>>10060826
short and sexual is best

[Anonymous No.10065498]

>>10064617
also i mention the kid because OP says she's immature so i wanted to bring that in. im trying to bring associations that fit with the original description, so i try to push the reader into thinking about childishness, not just a plain description of her looks. thats also why i use burlesque, kind of contradicting the immaturity, but i think OP was trying to say she was also somehow sexy while being childish (maybe narrator is a pedo lol) so i like the added influence of raunchiness rather than just a plain show curtain

[Anonymous No.10065501]

>>10064019
Why is it weird to spend a paragraph describing one of the main characters?

[Anonymous No.10065518]

>>10065501
By the moment, the reader moved to the next paragraph, they will only recall the basics. Character descriptions work much better if you add details and reinforce them.

[Anonymous No.10065588]

>>10065462
Then use the full moon's reflection over the dark sea.

[Anonymous No.10065666]

>>10065458
hope you feel better about being laughed at in critique threads.

[Anonymous No.10065699]

>>10065666
I don't write in English. Nor feel comfortable sharing here.

[Anonymous No.10065875]

>>10065462
>>10065498

I get it what you were trying to do with the sea. That's why I said that you can't emphasize take a single aspect of a picture and expect the reader to ignore the rest.
See >>10065588 for a better option.

I completely agree that childishness must be made clear to keep in touch with OPs fantasy. It's the image of a kid hiding in a book that lacks in my opinion.

I think the burlesque thing is overdoing the contradiction. She's childish and has huge tits. She's already described as someone so sexual that she becomes frightening. It's not something I'd be hung about though, it's just that I wouldn't include it.

Otherwise you're way ahead of OP and it's the shitty subject material that "forced you" to do these things. Your pacing is a lot better as I said, way less bullshit in your version, and I don't doubt that you could come up with better similes if you weren't bound by an another man's idea.

[Anonymous No.10066036]

>>10060826
>Hair colour
>Hair length
>Relative height (or precise if you want to use feet/inches or centimeters)
>Body type
>Eye colour (thoroughly optional)
>Clothing (Fairly optional)

If you want the reader to have better mental visuals of the scene so as to encourage memorability then I suggest giving a healthy amount of description sometime relatively early on, and from then on perhaps reference it from time to time. Gender will be the easiest thing, since you'll be referring to them as he or she unless of course they're a retarded far-left SJW-type creature. Except for attack helicopters. Attack helicopters are the exception to the non-binary rule of retardation.

[Anonymous No.10066093]

>>10066036
>or precise if you want to use feet/inches or centimeters
Please no.

[Anonymous No.10066095]

How do I approach to the subject of skin color in a first person novel? Why the fuck would the main character/narrator talk about his skin color?

[Anonymous No.10066103]

>>10060871
>>10060850
This is fucking awful

[Anonymous No.10066116]

>>10066103
Wow calm down there wordlet

[Anonymous No.10066131]

>>10066036
>or precise if you want to use feet/inches or centimeters

Are you retarded

[Anonymous No.10066143]

>>10066095
My skin is white like clouds. Lily white like baby powder. It is white like hot iron, like chalk on a blackboard. It is so white that looking at me hurts your eyes. So white that when I cum it looks like little bits of me coming out of my cock, like I cum skin instead of little sperms, and the girl swallowing it gags because she can't handle my whiteness entering her.

[Anonymous No.10066157]

>>10060850
I know this is a joke, but i just wanted to point out that i hate shit like
>Intelligent blue eyes
You can't actually tell if someone is intelligent from their eyes.

[Anonymous No.10066166]

>>10066157
The point is probably that they make you think the person is intelligent. Usually achieved by looking focused and confident.

[Anonymous No.10066178]

>>10066095

You just talk about it if it organically comes up. If the character walks into a black neighborhood for example, you wouldnt know why he was so scared unless he says hes white or whatever.

[Anonymous No.10066182]

>>10066095

Why the fuck would he talk about his other characteristics while we're at it? It's stupid. A first person narrator knows what he looks like and doesn't state it, unless he's telling the story to the reader. Like he's a fictional author or some shit.

There are exceptions of course. E.g. the first person narrator's looks went through some change. "I was skinny back then." "My hair was darker." Otherwise it's stupid.

Leave him blank. Let the reader make him up. Easier to relate. Write as if you were the first person narrator and your looks were apparent, something you don't think or talk about. You know what you look like, no need to state it.

[Anonymous No.10066220]

>>10066095
Have them be in love with their own looks.
Besides, if it'd matter for the story, it can be easy brought up.

"Tyrone was okay with me calling him my nigga."

[Anonymous No.10066224]

>>10066166
Well some people might think so, but confidence and focus aren't the same thing as intelligence.

[Anonymous No.10066249]

>>10066157
You absolutely can. Alert/attentive eyes look more intelligent than unfocused ones.
Also, painful-looking eyes seem more intelligent than happy ones.

[Anonymous No.10066256]

>>10066095
Through secondary characters.

[Anonymous No.10066257]

>>10066093
>>10066131
I guess I am retarded.

[Anonymous No.10066297]

>>10066224
Well, that's the joy about 3rd person. It's usually subjective stuff from the eyes of a specific person.

[Anonymous No.10066329]

>>10066257
Bernard Cornwell describes Sharpe as being around 6' and Harper as being a few inches taller than that, perhaps 6'3 or 6'4. Not every book, but it is mentioned occasionally one time in some of the books in the series, of which there's over 20.

[Anonymous No.10066358]

>>10066249
You're trying to tell it can make a person look or seem intelligent. But it doesn't actually have any bearing on it.

[Anonymous No.10066376]

Not OP, but how does this sound:

>P. P. Palmer makes his grandiose entrance with his head held high as he can manage at 4’10”, doing his best to hide his impatience from still being shy of puberty at almost 16. He’s dressed with obvious intent to impress, wearing a miniaturized sports coat over a white dress shirt with the top few buttons undone, and a tie with little Mickey Mouse patterns on it draped around his collar -- hoping it will look suave and not like he doesn’t know how to tie it. His hair is finely combed back and cut in a neat block around his ears. He has a stick of beef jerky that he keeps munching at with his mouth shamelessly open. He steps into the club room behind the Council members and then leans against the doorjamb as if he’s cool enough to do so.

[Anonymous No.10066388]

>>10060850
Endok Lolokborush, expedition leader
He is annoyed when caught in the rain. Within the last season he felt fondness talking with a friend. He felt euphoric due to inebriation. He was angry after getting into an argument.
He is fifity.one years old, born on the 20th of Timber in the year 199. His hair is ceinkly, his very long sideburns are braided. His very long mustache is arranged in double braid. His very long beard is neatly combed and he has a deeply recessed chin. His teeth are gapped. His extremely short eyebrows are low. His slightly large-irised sunken copper eyes are close set. His somewhat short ears have small lobes, his hair is goldenrod and his skin is ecru.
A short sturdy creature fond of drink and industry

[Anonymous No.10066438]

>>10066376
>doing his best to hide his impatience from still being shy of puberty at almost 16
Reads clumsy IMO and probably too much here but rest is fine. Could use some unique details to really stay in the mind though.

[Anonymous No.10066508]

>>10066376
i'd truncate grandiose to grand, it flows better with entrance imo

[Anonymous No.10066525]

>it's yet another "/lit/ is actually fucking terrible at writing" thread

[Anonymous No.10066570]

>>10065104
Only if he was describing a feast

[Anonymous No.10066672]

>>10060998
You're a perfect example of a writer writing for himself. You're writing for an audience, be aware they have different tastes. The anon is right. The less, the better.

[Anonymous No.10067370]

Her skin is translucent like a piece of copy paper held up to the light. Everyone can see inside her body, through to her disgusting organs and veins and everything. But there's no blood in there. She's a vampire, and it's making him damn horny and damn scared at the same time, like when his aunt used to put on makeup and he'd rub himself against her boots without quite knowing the reason why. He pulled his hands away, burned by an invisible faucet.

[Anonymous No.10068233]

Take a shot any time a character is described as 'lithe' or 'lanky' or 'graceful' or having 'bronzed skin'

[Anonymous No.10068248]

>>10066525

Would you expect a NASCAR enthusiast forum's members to be good at driving?

[Anonymous No.10068255]

>>10066388
Even worse than that which you replied to

[Anonymous No.10068275]

>>10066672
That's an arbitrary rule. Be aware, audiences have different tastes.

[Anonymous No.10068336]

How do you describe a character's breasts and ass well? I do that A LOT and it would great if I knew a few more ways of doing it.

[Anonymous No.10068405]

>>10068336
Don't deliver it to the reader in 'vulgar' terms or their American Jewish anti-sex conditioning will lock up their brain and make them scan through to the part where the badthoughts cease.

You need to describe them almost incidentally, and there needs to be a justification for describing them, like a character's gaze. Describe them in structural and artful terms and never anything crude. Make metaphors comparing them to other things which are beautiful for reasons the reader doesn't understand. See >>10060850 for further instructions.

It's also a good idea to read up about sexual genetics, what makes a girl attractive, etc.

[Anonymous No.10068426]

>>10068405
>using the most stilted and poorly considered prose on /lit/ right now as further instructions

[Anonymous No.10068442]

>>10068426
Don't be jealous now.

[Anonymous No.10068446]

>>10064677
>although one can easy overdo it and make it sound gimmicky.
You're right. I wouldn't stick solely to that, just a combination of little things here and there when needed.
The whole 'describe X in a paragraph' prompt is stupid, that's the main thing to remember. There are almost no contexts where that's appropriate or adds anything to the writing.

[Anonymous No.10068450]

>>10068442
Why would I be jealous of nonsensical trash that flows like sewage thick with shit?

[Anonymous No.10068466]

>>10068450
Listen, there's no need to get emotional just because someone's better than you.

[Anonymous No.10068481]

>>10068466
Ok, you're shitposting, good to know

[Anonymous No.10068487]

>>10068481
You shouldn't be responding this much to something that hasn't upset you and made you feel inadequate.

[Anonymous No.10068522]

>>10068405
Damn Jews, pushing promiscuity and anti-sex messages at the same time. Do they want to confuse us?

>Describe them in structural and artful terms and never anything crude
>Make metaphors
The victorian era ended a while ago, anon.

[Anonymous No.10068531]

>>10068522
They pretty well would like for sex to be purely procreational
You can read the bible and figure that out, it plainly says what they want sex to become. Pure procreation and also a reward for abiding the marriage contract they also would like you to enter into. Then make them some new workers. Good boy.

[Anonymous No.10068543]

>>10068531
B-but what happened to Hollywood pushing muh woman empowerment and casual sex? What about the evils of porn, pushed by the jooce as well? Do the anti-Jew Jews do it?

[Anonymous No.10068550]

>>10068543
I don't even know what you're talking about. When did I say any of that?

[Anonymous No.10068554]

>>10068550
>it's an alt-right poster being wilfully disingenuous thread again

[Anonymous No.10068558]

>>10068554
For someone who was just ridiculing me for thinking there is a conspiracy, you sure are insanely fixated on this idea of an underground 'alt-right' shitpost illuminati.

[Anonymous No.10068567]

>>10068531

why do they want turn us into homosexuals then?

[Anonymous No.10068575]

>>10068567
The large increase in homosexuals is most likely the result of estrogen water doping. It increases the female fertility rate (= more workers) and makes males more docile and easier to control.

[Anonymous No.10068585]

>>10068426
He is baiting, no way someone can be so shitty to read that post and consider as a example to anything decent

[Anonymous No.10068611]

>>10068575
it is not estrogen water doping but phytoestrogens mostly contained in plastics
like bisphenol a and phtalate

[Anonymous No.10068615]

>>10068611
It's both, waterborne estrogen is the much larger source.
It's highly plausibly deniable, the current excuse of 'people are just flushing their estrogen meds and that's what's doing it!' rides close enough to the truth (gov. agents flushing measured estrogen meds) that it's an impossible lie to prove.

[Anonymous No.10068617]

>>10068611
sorry
xenoestrogen

[Anonymous No.10068622]

>>10068615
i don't believe in "(((le big conspiracy)))"

[Anonymous No.10068638]

>>10068622
Good boy! Go get another glass of water, it's good for you.
Please drink eight cups a day!

[Anonymous No.10068644]

>>10068615
If only someone would suggest some regulation for water quality.

[Anonymous No.10068646]

>>10068644
You can regulate your water quality perfectly.
It's called purchasing a countertop water distiller.

[Anonymous No.10068724]

>>10062963
>implying
its beefy prose with little substance anon, im not saying can do better but i sure as hell know better exists.

[Anonymous No.10068732]

>>10068638
I've been drinking lots of water since a child and I have a deep voice and broad shoulders

Maybe it's not the water's fault people are being complacent, it just happens to be their lifestyle

[Anonymous No.10068741]

>>10068732
Probably you live in europe where fluoridated water doesn't exist, or else you mismeasured your water intake and didn't drink a as much as you remember.

[Anonymous No.10068749]

>>10068522
>>10068531
>>10068543
>>10068567
Jews tend to be very conservative in their private lives with their families and their people and then push liberal agendas publicly as a kind of public service to uplift the blacks. Not that this will dissuade your conspiracy theorist straw man you've created.

[Anonymous No.10068752]

>>10068741
Australia, there is a fair bit of fluoride in the water here and I would always drink about 2 liters a day (one during sport and another throughout the day)

Like I said if the government is trying to make men more effimate it didn't work with me or a lot of people I know

The whole idea though is absurd, governments are already unwilling to invest in 10 year projects here let alone something on such a large scale

[Anonymous No.10068764]

>>10060826
you gotta learn to discern the few defining characteristics of people and then use this in your writing. to get a feel for how someone looks you don't have to ramble on about the details that are pretty much the same for every human, just mention the ones that stand out. googly eyes, tall forehead, square frame etc

[Anonymous No.10068768]

>>10068752
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pineal_gland#Calcification
>Calcification of the pineal gland is typical in young adults, and has been observed in children as young as two years of age.[30] The calcified gland is often seen in skull X-Rays.[30] Calcification rates vary widely by country and correlate with an increase in age, with calcification occurring in an estimated 40% of Americans by their 17th year.[30] Calcification of the pineal gland is largely associated with corpora arenacea, also known as "brain sand".

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3491930/ "Developmental Fluoride Neurotoxicity: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis"
>Thus, children in high-fluoride areas had significantly lower IQ scores than those who lived in low-fluoride areas.

http://ethos.bl.uk/OrderDetails.do?uin=uk.bl.ethos.361991 "The effect of fluoride on the physiology of the pineal gland"

[Anonymous No.10068783]

>>10068749

.t man who has only interacted with American Jews.

Here in Europe they are as consistent as any other group.

American Jews are like plastic-paddies. They take up the Jewish identity and go with the mainstream. If that means that their personal lives and the opinions they voice conflict, tough shit.

You yanks also have useless Jewish communities that primarily serve the Rabbi and his clique, not the community itself. E.g. Monthly membership fees, despotism. These "rabbis" and community leaders make up their own rules to keep their followers content. They slap a "reformed Jew" sticker on it and it's all good.

This kind of shit doesn't fly over here. See: contemporary Chabad (American roots) getting bitchslapped in the Baltics and Hungary.

On a side note, your conspiracy theories are full of shit.

[Anonymous No.10068792]

this thread killed hemingway

[Anonymous No.10068811]

>>10060826
Good god I regret trying to watch that. Its the worst case scenario of deliberately setting up characters who appear to be compelling, and then not doing anything with them, only revealing there was nothing there in the first place and that the whole things was just bait to hook you into watching a 'romantic drama' that goes no where for 90% of the show while gradually removing the things that seemed interesting in the first place.

[Anonymous No.10068819]

>>10060850
Here's how to fix it:
>Darkness in her dark hair shining bright like the deathrays throbbing out of a dying black hole, a class 10 supermassive one. Her face was between 10 and 20 years old, the rest not so much. She had deep blue eyes, like the scales of Dory in "Findet Nemo" which is the German title of "Finding Nemo" - they were highly intellectual blue eyes, he would've liked to discuss the intricacies of Mongolian agriculture with them, not her though; for she was a dumb slut which did not contradict her dumb slut pout but it did contradict her eyes.The perimeter of her incadescent bird-shit white(birds fed on a diet of feta cheese) shoulders fenced in by her carbon-nanotube brush-stanchions.The void tentacles creep around her luscious utopian mammalian glands, lush and ripe with nipples for miles, literally only a couple tens of centimeters though, but what nipples they were! grand nipples I tell you! Like little Frankfurter sausages stuck to pieces of cut and dried ham stuck to a differently-gendered person. They could not be contained lest you had an immortal ethereal transcendent nipple containment-garment which no mortal would possess. She had to leave her nipples hanging out and about the ridge of her brassiere, dangling down low by her hearty tender loin.Your gaze being vacuumed in by her commanding feminas, especially her nipples which produced penis-envy in anyone equipped with ample penis, produced an effect similar to when one is being told that the stove is hot, yet proceeds to touch it, only to discover that it is indeed hot , regretting ones decision to not have heeded the advice, all the while appreciating and acknowledging the importance, nay! the necessity of having touched, of having felt the pain, a unique qualia without which the knowledge of the experience would topple and fall over for it had no base to stand upon.

[Anonymous No.10068823]

>>10068768
Two can play the correlation=causation game

Map of fluoride in water
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6f/Starbucks.png

Map of IQ
https://static.iq-research.info/20150809/img/iq_by_country.png

[Anonymous No.10068857]

>>10068823
Correct, the high IQ populaces are the dangerous ones which need to be controlled.

[Anonymous No.10068865]

>>10068819
Get back on wikipedia