/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.23240668]

"Old time values" edition

Previous: >>23226971

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.

Simple guides on writing:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wv1ij7KxWc

[Anonymous No.23240700]

>>23240668

Today was both a Sunday and a holiday in many places. How much writing did you get done, anons?

[Anonymous No.23240741]

>>23240700
300 words.

[Anonymous No.23240810]

>>23240700

[Anonymous No.23240834]

>>23240700
404 so far. But I'm about to start again.

[Anonymous No.23240870]

By the power vested in me, I command you to stop, foul demon.

[Anonymous No.23240895]

>>23240668
thank everyone for the feedback from last thread

So for the anthro longma people, I was thinking the name would be Lungmarians.

I imagine them being Cantonese speakers, and "dragon horse people" in Cantonese is just "long ma yan". I was thinking for the humans (who mostly speak English bar some) the word gets corrupted into "Lungmarians" like how Khitan corrupted into Cathay.

As for racial slurs, I was thinking something like "fly-eater" or "hay-eater" to reference their reptilian or equine parts. However I kind of wanted a slur that would encapsulate both parts, however I don't think that's really possible given how the slur is something meant to be short and snappy to say. Is there maybe something horses and lizards both eat that humans don't?

[Anonymous No.23240933]

>>23240895
Cloppers.

[Anonymous No.23240944]

>>23239718
>>23239756
>>23239793
I've been interested to see reddit has to say about this for a while. It's hard to find talk about this that isn't filtered through seven layers of faggotry.
>https:// www.reddit.com /r/melbourne /s/ NFlQGDVvXH
>Can’t say I’ve ever walked into a bookshop or library and gone looking for the “men’s fiction”. I still manage to find books, me, a man to read.

Genre fiction addicts that are already decades into their habit don't understand that young men aren't reading for a reason - it is a downright impossible task to pitch a book about a secret princess with a dark secret and two dark hunks to choose between to a zoomer whose brain is shot on instant gratification videogames, sports, and social media. Stories, experiences and social issues ARE gendered, and everyone is obsessed with screaming as loud as they can about how virtuous they are and how matters of genre and gender can't possibly affect your reading habits.

[Anonymous No.23241013]

>>23240944
You can't expect that shithole to get the scope of the issue, they're all narcissists who think everyone is exactly like them and should like everything they like or get downvoted for it. Consider that those boys, they're the ones reading litrpg if they read at all. It's a symptom of the problem. And it doesn't make the literary equivalent of a slot machine an okay thing to write.

Now that male fantasy that isn't weird fetish shit doesn't exist any more, I can't even imagine what it would look like today. I like to imagine someone would have solved power creep and figured out how to keep stories low key and entertaining.

[Anonymous No.23241020]

How’s this for an introduction?
>My name is Lape Agit. My name, funnily enough, means “Three Apple” when spelled backwards
>I am 23 years old, 6,2, and 176 pounds. I’ve always had somewhat long legs and a slight frame. I am also missing my left hand due to an incident 2 years ago.
>I was born in Ipoh, Malaysia, to a family with a history in martial arts. Mostly traditional stuff for the country. Silat, Muay Thai, yada yada.
>I’m the eldest of 3 by 4 years, and I have one brother and one sister. I had to look after them a lot because my parents were usually busy.
>I spent a lot of time training in Muay Thai, even entered some junior competitions when I was 10. Surprised I don’t have brain damage. I’m the only one my siblings who does Muay Thai, as my juniors preferred to pick up Silat. Probably because some idiot showed them The Raid when they were kids.
>Thing is, there was a problem. My parents and grandfather always saw me as “Being too much like her” and therefore demeaned me to high hell and back. Didn’t know why until I was 16, when I came across some information that completely sickened me.
>I found out about our family history. My great grandmother specifically. My family always spoke of her with indifference at best and outright spite at worst, calling her a pathetic fight junkie who killed herself in her lust for battle. Read about her whole story from an unbiased perspective. I know, she’s in a history book, how crazy is that?
>Our family wouldn’t even be around if she didn’t fight tooth and nail to keep her children safe. And this is how they repaid her? Forgetting and demeaning her memory, passion, and even her mere existence?
>They insisted on me sticking to the traditional stuff. But I wanted more, so well, I took a huge leap of faith and ran away from home with all the stuff I could carry.
>Now, I have no permanent address, but I do carry my belongings around in a duffel bag, as few as they are. Mostly hygiene stuff and a few changes of clothes.
>I have a very long list of priorities. Prove family wrong, get people to remember great granny, get revenge on guy who ate my hand, blah blah blah.
>Let’s do this shit

[Anonymous No.23241022]

I have an outline that consists of a semi detailed beginning and ending with a very patchwork middle. Should I write down EVERYTHING I've thought of outline wise?

[Anonymous No.23241028]

>>23241020
>>I am 23 years old, 6,2, and 176 pounds. I’ve always had somewhat long legs and a slight frame.
Numbers descriptions are very...erotic fiction, and shunned there.

[Anonymous No.23241092]

>>23241028
I'm trying to hammer home that he's a little weird

[Anonymous No.23241112]

>>23241092
I think you have a start, but retain some of the detail to write about later on. You don't want to get too bogged down in fluff when introducing a character. You want to make the reader "give a shit" within a few lines of introduction / context of the situation(s).

[Anonymous No.23241141]

>>23241112
Fair enough. But do you at least get what his goal is?

[Anonymous No.23241159]

Being gay, going on a lone crusade against a mad world, yeah, the idea of being some kind of Palahniukian guy who sticks yourself down into place, never moves, and stretches your brain to its limits to understand straight people, yeah, I gave you that opportunity, bet that really made your dick hard, didn't it? your new persona, this walking social satire, boy, bet your little pecker got real hard at the prospect

[Anonymous No.23241235]

>>23241141
Yes I do, you do good by explicitly getting around to it, but you have a lot of potential to extend the content into a wider story. You are on the right track anon.

[Anonymous No.23241357]

I have a few chapters in the start planned, drafts of characters, as well as a midpoint. An open suggestion for further world building too. Should I actually start writing already? I'm afraid I won't know the finale and pacing might get bad.

[Anonymous No.23241362]

>>23241020
you have a career writing generic smut on literotica.

[Anonymous No.23241366]

>>23241357
just write

[Anonymous No.23241384]

I pounded out 400 words for the initial introduction to a fanta-psycho-philosph-sci-fi short story.

[Anonymous No.23241448]

>>23241362
This ain't smut

[Anonymous No.23241479]

>>23241020
Who the heck introduces themselves with their height and weight? This is a character intro not a boxing match.

[Anonymous No.23241512]

>>23241479
Because it’s important, actually.
Lape, perhaps due to a genetic condition, has trouble keeping weight on, and it leads to him losing a ton of power when he starts to become dangerously underweight.
For fucks sake he loses 2 kilos in the span of 5 days without actively trying to lose it

[Anonymous No.23241557]

i feel physical pain when attempting to apply myself. my brain is so fried

[Anonymous No.23241684]

can i talk to Travis?

[Anonymous No.23241750]

>>23241357
Start writing. I had an ending planned, and I had a few scenes that could be placed between it and my start. I found that I could only really understand my story by putting it down on paper, and that many parts of it had to be rewritten to fit with my new ideas that came out.

[Anonymous No.23241796]

>>23240933
Hmm anything that could get both the horse AND the lizard parts?

I guess clopper or things along those lines would fit best since hooves would make a distinct clip clop sound that would be very noticeable

[Anonymous No.23241804]

>>23241159
No clue what this is but it sucks

[Anonymous No.23241813]

>>23240668
So anyone else have a problem with mood swings, when they get creative or inspired? In my day to day life, I am very chill and unbothered.
But when I really get inspired, sit down and start to work, I become easily irritated, I sleep during the day, fight off suicidal thoughts in my sleep, and when I get up at night, I write and then drink a lot to keep the suicidal depression away. And after I finish a project, I recover and return to routine. Except every time I feel like I lost something in the process, and that I came out of my creative streak, being a little bit worse than I was before. Is this normal? I'm assuming this is like stress maybe? Should writing summon such intense emotions?

[Anonymous No.23241823]

>>23241512
mention the height and weight when his condition comes up then

[Anonymous No.23242004]

These threads somehow turned into a gathering of the dumbest people on the planet.

[Anonymous No.23242007]

>>23242004
glad you could make it

[Anonymous No.23242179]

>>23241020
This was written by a teenager. I refuse to believe an adult would type this out, let alone post it.

[Anonymous No.23242181]

>>23241557
Get some sleep. Have a shower. Eat. Drink some coffee. Have a ciggarette. There.

[Anonymous No.23242288]

>>23242004
Hey there bud, it's not a competition!

[Anonymous No.23242356]

rate this passage
>It's a young spring still and the weather is behaving strangely. Stuck, or rather rapidly fluctuating, between the frigid, unlively state of winter and the diaphanous, invigorating one of summer, it cannot decide, cannot bring itself to establishing its own identity. The people, much like it, or more explicitly, because of it, still wander confused as to the sensations and emotions which should fill them. Some still linger within the now-innocuous dark, trying to extract from it the remnants of the past, their aesthetic and comfort. Others look brightly ahead, embracing the sun prematurely and ending up dissatisfied by its still-pernicious absence. Those few, attempting to live out the spring, it can be reckoned, are in a state most sordid of all, for the preliminary happening of it is gone - the vivifying of nature is happening in fits and starts, invisible, unnoticeable small quantitative, rather than qualitative changes. To the objective observer all seems like an undetermined, empty limbo between two seasons and a third not yet realized. But it is, and its fruits are somehow already decaying. This spring will be remembered by all as the spring which never had been.

[Anonymous No.23242367]

I have a desire to create but no ideas at all, and no literary abilities to speak off.

It's gotten me down in the dumps to be honest

[Anonymous No.23242402]

>>23242367
it's a confidence thing, sort of. you have plenty of ideas... that other people might work with.
you also have to give yourself time, and analyze things in a less deductive, more artistic way.
read books if you aren't. not optional

[Anonymous No.23242429]

>>23242402
I'm reading way less than i used to.
It's mostly short-form horror these days.

I dom't think i have even one idea rn aside from some ultra-vague concept that you couldn't build a story off of

[Anonymous No.23242512]

>>23242179
Is it not purple enough?

[Anonymous No.23242515]

>>23242512
why the fuck would you assume that's the issue? you need to read some novels. don't write another word until you've read a full novel. and then read a few more.

[Anonymous No.23242518]

>>23242515
Let me guess. It’s because I’m specific with details. Even though this is from the POV of a very, very blunt person

[Anonymous No.23242535]

>>23242518
we are past feedback and advice. i am commanding you to read a book

[Anonymous No.23242565]

>>23242535
Explain the problem then

[Fledgling Investor No.23242585]

The American Outback:
Life in a Cloverleaf

The office trailer rattled with another passing/circling truck tractor. This one enough to wake me where others had only loosened my mind from sleep. I rolled out of bed and surveiled the day's paperwork spread on the desk. The shipment was late. No guardrails: nothing to be done. I burned a Newport over bare feet sinking into muddy grass, porch in effect, watching the passing/circling traffic go about its business. Two deep gashes running an abbreviated secant through the cloverleaf, a skidding end twenty yards from my bedroom window, intersected by swooped-in treaded tracks of tow truck and police cruiser. Like a rabbit trail in the snow, ended by some bird of prey. The situation had emerged and resolved itself some time unnoticed in the night. Litter lined the highway like seafoam and driftwood, gathered at this catching-point as if there were a current dragging it along the veerless miles of eastbound asphalt.<div class="xa24desu"></div>

[Anonymous No.23242604]

>>23242512
There's no attempt at storytelling. What you've posted, my dear anon, is an exposition dump. Your "introduction" reads like a writing excersie you'd do in school to get inside your character's head, not something you would ever consider part of the narrative. Stories are told through scenes, there needs to be description of place, space, action and dialogue. It's an amalguation of nothing. I've read blurbs that would serve as a better introduction. I don't condone the other anon's hostility, but he is right, you need to read more.

[Anonymous No.23242623]

>>23241020
This is a summary of a character's backstory, not an introduction.

[Anonymous No.23242654]

>>23242604
This isn’t an attempt at storytelling.
What, is this better?
>My name is Lape Agit
>I’m 23, an amputee, and I have a very specific list of priorities.
>Let’s cut to the chase and do this shit

[Anonymous No.23242658]

I'm setting up a website, named after myself. However when it comes to creating an email account along with it, I'm not sure what to do. I can't have my email be
>[e-mail]
Surely? Maybe
>[e-mail]
but I'm stumped.

[Anonymous No.23242665]

>>23242654
I don't even know why you post here if you ignore any criticism against your writing. You do this every time you post an excerpt and get feedback you dislike. If you like the passage and aren't going to change it, sure, fine, but then why ask for opinions in the first place? You're just fishing for someone to say "wow it's great!"

[Anonymous No.23242670]

>>23242654
You misunderstand. Your whole style is uninspired, it lacks creativity. Simply stating things about your character is no way to introduce them. I'd attempt to give you more advice, but I'm perplexed by
>This isn’t an attempt at storytelling.
What is it you're trying to acomplish?

[Anonymous No.23242671]

>>23242665
Because I genuinely don’t know what to change.
My goal is to get someone to say I did it right by actually doing it right

[Rich Investor No.23242679]

>>23242658
Why the fuck do you need a custom domain for your email? A trustworthy email is better.

[Anonymous No.23242683]

>>23242679
A "business" email account is included with the domain. You're saying I shouldn't utilize it but rather stick with
>[e-mail]
Or something similar?

[Anonymous No.23242702]

>>23242671
The issue is that you're making basic mistakes that even the most brief look into how to improve your craft would reveal. Starting a book off with an exposition dump is known as one of the biggest pitfalls of amateur writing because, frankly, at the outset of the story no one gives a shit about your cool setting/characters but you. Everything you've written about Lape is going to be forgotten within five pages because it is completely irrelevant to what's CURRENTLY happening in the story, and no one has any reason to care about him. No, him being the main character and giving him a sad backstory is not enough to get people to care. You have to give the audience a reason to care about who this guy is and then slowly build in details of his backstory organically. This is the basic principle of "show, don't tell". As >>23242535 says, you need to read more books, because you seem either quite young or quite unread. This is stuff a lot of us here take for granted since it seems obvious, but if your foundation is this lacking, you need to build on it.

[Anonymous No.23242704]

>>23242658
Public facing email should probably be an admin@ address, you're going to route it through your business gmail anyway and respond through that in more private contexts. An admin tag also gives you some slight plausible deniability when it comes to solicited ideas, maybe you're not the one who reads it. Look at how other authors do it and assume that some of them are using the same best practices.

[Anonymous No.23242706]

>>23242670
Why? Is it because it isn’t about some fucking pretentious sociopolitical metaphor and is rather about people beating each other senseless?

[Rich Investor No.23242708]

>>23242683
If you're on outlook, gmail or proton you don't look like a scambot that's going to get filtered in people's inboxes.

[Anonymous No.23242719]

>>23242623
I could write better than that but i never do.
I'd rather be an autistic rtard like that guy instead of just never ever doing anything and living every day like the last one. Even if all of my days are probably better on average than any given one of his.

What i'm trying to get at is that the ability to sperg out on paper like that is a rare one and a prerequisite to good writing. That guy should cherish that he has it and work on his prose so that it isn't dogshit

[Anonymous No.23242721]

>>23242719
So it’s because it’s not purple.
Even though this is the POV of a guy who has a somewhat limited lexicon

[Anonymous No.23242724]

>>23242706
I have no qualms with the premise, only your previous statement because I genuinely can't tell what you're trying to acomplish. I gather you're writing a story of somekind, but you're not making an attempt at storytelling? How antithetical. The way you tell the story is crutial. You can keep writing as you are and have whatever you produce read like a wikipedia page, or you can take some advice and create something someone might consider worth reading.

>>23242671
>Because I genuinely don’t know what to change.
Take a hint and consider below.

>>23242604
>Stories are told through scenes, there needs to be description of place, space, action and dialogue
>>23242702
>You have to give the audience a reason to care about who this guy is and then slowly build in details of his backstory organically.

[Anonymous No.23242750]

>>23242706
No, it's because you haven't established anything important with your introduction. An absolute fundemental when it comes to storytelling is establishing a setting. Your characters are the result of said setting and their actions make up the plot. But that's not all you need consider, it's down to perspective also. Your introduction doesn't work because the reader doesn't know anything other than what some character is saying about himself. First person narration cannot stand alone. Who is he talking to? Is he thinking to himself? Where? Why? Is the reader to believe and take him at his word? It's not just whether or not your narrator can be trusted in the context of who he's relying to story to and when in the timeline the narration takes place, but it's also to do with his scope. Even if the narrator is to be believed, who's to say he's correct? He only knows what he percieves, he may be wrong, or forgetful, or mislead. I have an overwhelming suspicion that you haven't considered any of this, which is why it reads like >>23242604
>a writing excersie you'd do in school to get inside your character's head, not something you would ever consider part of the narrative.

[Anonymous No.23242751]

>>23242356
Convoluted. Simplify your writing and use smaller words. (“Do not be tempted by a twenty-dollar word when there is a ten-center handy.”) I got little out of your passage but a vague impression of a bad spring. It’s easy to shroud a lack of substance with flowery words. Focus on content first, then dress it up later.

[Anonymous No.23242767]

>>23242721
>So it’s because it’s not purple
I dont know what that means but probably.

[Anonymous No.23242796]

>>23242721
>So it’s because it’s not purple.
It's because there's no context.

>>23242767
He thinks we don't like his work because he doesn't use metaphor, adjectives or large words. His issue isn't plain prose, it's poor structure.

[Anonymous No.23242823]

>>23242724
>I hate the music here. God damn shamisens with that stupid plucking sound. I don’t care if the woman playing it is hot, I can’t stand it.
>I paid for the food and they don’t do takeout, so no bailing for me. The stuff is fine, but it’s way too expensive, what with the whole 20 bucks for a large-ish box of wings, good lord.
>This restaurant is terrible, so why am I even here?
>The fact that they do fights here, of course. They have this pit in the middle with a bunch of sand for the floor.
>Two guys walk out, beat each other up for 3 minutes, and then they say some crap in Chinese that I can’t understand. This continues for roughly 30 minutes.
>Another man walks out. He’s old as shit, wearing a bunch of robes and stuff. Then he starts tossing around the other fighters. I think it’s some kinda Tai Chi crap. Seeing such a soft style, I feel a bitter heat rising in my chest.
>I left home to get away from Asia and their pansy-ass culture, god dammit. Not watch some Chinaman flail around in the middle of Europe.
>Then the announcer lady goes all “Whoever can beat the Grandmaster’ll win 200 dollars!”
>I get up, raise my hand, say I’ll do it, and everyone just looks at me like I just shat in front of them. Some enormous guy next to me just goes all
>“Buddy, you’re scrawny as shit compared to the things that guy’s toppled, myself included. It ain’t worth 200 dollars for a busted wrist, trust me.”
>I shrug and leap into the pit, not even bothering to remove my jacket. 200 dollars is a lot of money to someone like me.
>I wait for him to take that fluid stance. “You look like a slippery bitch. Are you, gramps?” I love taunting jackasses like him. Guys who think they’re the fucking Buddha. He doesn’t react and continues the stoic look. Good, it’ll make his stupid face all the more satisfying.
>The moment the starting signal goes off, I charge at him and kick him in the jaw. He goes all limp to mitigate the hit, but I’m not falling for that garbage. I follow up with an overhand to the skull, planting his ass in the sand. Blood pools around his head. He isn’t dead, I can tell from his breathing. His face is frozen in shock and horror
>I stand over him. Softie couldn’t take a hardy boy like me, huh?

[Anonymous No.23242898]

>>23242823
Suffers from the greentext, still reads a bit like bullet-points, but it's much better. It's got character. Write a chapter or so like that, then go back and touch it up. Flesh certain parts out and cut back on others. You know, drafting.

[Fledgling Investor No.23242901]

I've tried really hard but I just can't figure out when to use principle vs. principal and have resignedly accepted that I will need to look it up every single time I use either word.<div class="xa24desu"></div>

[Anonymous No.23242950]

>>23242901
>princi-pal is your pal
>aka a person
You’re welcome

[Anonymous No.23242952]

I'm going to write in an hour or so. Haven't done it since school so it'll probably suck though.
We'll see

[Aspiring Investor No.23242983]

>>23242950
Ok. What about:
>Princip[al/le] (adj.) primary
>Princip[al/le] (n.) moral/ethical value
>Princip[al/le] (n.) scientific law
>Princip[al/le] (n.) value of a loan
How am I supposed to keep them all straight?<div class="xa24desu"></div>

[Anonymous No.23243001]

>>23242983
Repetition and wordplay.
I always get sweat and sweet mixed up.
Then I remember that while sweat has eat in it, so you would think it was the flavor, that is the opposite one.

[Anonymous Mogul No.23243016]

>>23242721
It's because you're infodumping a bunch of stuff that you wrote as a backstory and that I couldn't possibly give a fuck about because it's literally the first time this character is being introduced to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjKNbfA64EE
American Psycho does the same thing but the difference is that you're not meant to care about the stuff he's saying, it's all a way to get across the type of person that he is, not every little bit of backstory trivia that you wrote about him.

[Anonymous No.23243101]

~~~~
She shrank back as the tall boy drew himself to his height, eyes flashing like thunder, his teeth gnashed in bestial fury-and then suddenly, it was gone.
The change was so fast that it took her brain three seconds to react. One moment he looked like he was about to hit her, and the next he just looked slightly perplexed.
He blinked at her, his mouth slightly open, looking confused.
Then he shut his mouth, and that serene look was back in his face.

"Then there is nothing more to say. I'll take my leave, if you please."
~~~

What happens in this scene is that the girl (from an abusive family) reacts with preconditioned terror when the boy (basically the strongest man on Earth) goes into the beginnings of a tantrum over her denying him some information.

He is shocked by her fear, because...well, he's not used to people being actually scared of his anger. Despite his power, he's grown up with guardians that treat him like just another moody teenager. For the most part, he's actually used to being ignored and bossed around whenever he tries a temper tantrum.

So this is him quickly realizing that he's scaring her, being stunned by the fact, and then quickly adjusting his expression to calm the girl down. Which is followed by quickly removing himself from the room to avoid further traumatizing her.

He is noticeably more patient around EVERYONE from this point on, and positively gentle with her.

Did that come across properly? I've been writing and rewriting these five lines a lot for the last few days because this short scene is PIVOTAL to everyone's character development. I don't want any flaws.

[Anonymous No.23243365]

>>23242356
Cringe kino

[Anonymous No.23243384]

>No ideas
>No skill
>Nothing to do
It sucks so much

[Anonymous Magnate No.23243390]

>>23242356
There's nothing wrong with this, but /wg/ will call you names because they want everything at a 5th grade reading level. That said, just because the writing style isn't bad doesn't mean it's good either. That can't be judged without seeing more of the content and context.

[Anonymous No.23243426]

Did I open too strong? There's nothing worse than appearing to blow your load right at the beginning, even if you can go harder on the stylistic gas.

[Anonymous No.23243476]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuNOnFa-q3Y
This is the only music I can write to. I'm not even a horror writer, why the fuck does this help

[Anonymous No.23243720]

is it considered antisemitism if the guy who thinks he’s being brainwashed by a rabbi actually is being brainwashed by one?

[Anonymous No.23243745]

>>23242898
I disagree because I don't think I got Lape's character down right
>Usually kind of morose and antisocial
>A bit of a hypocrite
>Kind of a dick
>Has a list of things that absolutely infuriate him for zero reason. Those being:
>"Soft" styles like Judo, Tai Chi, Silat, or Aikido because he sees them as shortcuts taken by complete pansies.
>"Ancient" martial arts
>Looking down on someone's style (Go figure)

[Anonymous No.23243836]

>>23243426
You used a lot of words to say horizon and it distracted me from your writing.
>peeling and corroded in the salt air
would "by the salt air" work better?
>center of the wold
Just a typo. Should be "world" I'm guessing?
>leaving him silent to himself
This entire single sentence goes on for way too long. Try to split it up.
>grasses make waves and waves tipped with froth
Maybe Im fucking retarded but are you saying there's a sea of grass/plain next to the actual sea?
>So this is the sea, this is where his uncle lived
I hate this sentence and I can't explain why. It just rubs me the wrong way.
>Lately, other thoughts,
Remove the first comma. You seem to overuse commas a lot, actually.

I get the feelings you're trying to convey and the pictures you're trying to paint, but it's still rough around the edges. It isn't fucking horrible, though. Polish it up a bit in editing.

[Anonymous No.23243856]

>>23243745
You don't need to portray everything in a character's introduction, feel free to drip feed some information. And you don't even need to be one hundred percent accurate, people aren't always consistant and may act out of character from time to time. Let the reader warm to him. Regardless, the style is improved. It reads much better.

[Anonymous No.23243865]

What would be the best way to write a jumpscare moment in literary form? Something sudden and abrupt that just releases built up tension.

[Anonymous No.23243895]

[Anonymous No.23243918]

>>23243426
A little too flowery in my humble opinion. It's a bit hard to get orientated for the reader. The opening line needs to be broken up or rearranged. I removed/changed some words too for this example:
>The train slowly rolled into the very last station on the cliff near the sea. The whole world shrank into one point, the vast ocean and the open sky merging together and becoming one. Surrounded by earthly waves of undulating hills, and overlooking the sloshing seas below, sat the little platform, covered only by a twisted tin awning, corroded by the salty sea air.

The last sentence may be a little too run-on for some people but I think it's appropriately read. I removed the sense of direction because it's not exactly important and too much information.

[Anonymous No.23243977]

We need to feel why this encounter makes the MC swordsman uneasy or trepidatious.

>At first he didn't almost recognize him, but a second glance removed any doubt. His eyes almost deceived him, but his stomach didn't. It was his age-old rival.

>Confronted by the superior swordsman who bested him time and time again, a wave of self doubt washed over him.

[Anonymous No.23243983]

>>23243977
This post meant for: >>23243895

[Anonymous No.23244069]

>>23243745
if you are a day over 16 you may have a learning disability

[Anonymous No.23244135]

>>23243856
I know, but I don't think I got the "Antisocial man who has weird opinions" down

[Anonymous No.23244139]

>>23244135
It doesn't need to, you have an entire book to get it right and infinite time to edit it in the future when you understand him better

[Anonymous No.23244152]

>>23244139
The problem is that this newer characterization of him, as interesting as it is, doesn't work within the story I wanted to tell with him

[Anonymous No.23244155]

>>23244152
Then you need to either make a new character or a new story, you should never get caught up on ideas and shouldn't be afraid to change your previous plans

[Anonymous No.23244162]

>>23244155
Mostly because in that initial idea he was a lot more sociable and had friends who were key parts of the narrative

[Anonymous Mogul No.23244172]

<div class="xa24desu"></div>

[Anonymous No.23244181]

How do I write a description of a woman with severe burn scars on her face and left arm without getting into body horror and still retaining some attractiveness? The lore is that she (mid-twenties otherwise pretty looking woman) suffered third-degree burns in a house fire when she was 13. Only writing example for burn scar description I can think of is GRRM's description of Sandor Clegane in AGoT, and that's too far and also a man.

[Anonymous No.23244220]

>>23244181
Try House of Leaves for another example or yknow look at real burn scars and realize it's tough to balance. Or go Shallow Hal route and have it be in the eye of the beholder.
>describe the burns as they are
>she was beautiful

[Anonymous Mogul No.23244228]

>>23244181
Go look at pictures of burned women first

[Anonymous No.23244241]

>>23244220
>>23244228
Going to look at real burn scars was my first thought, but googling "facial burn scars" returns a lot of barely even there scars or people who had literally just been burned. I know that severe, third-degree burns can last for the rest of someone's life, but I'm having trouble finding good images. That's why I decided to try to find how real writers described it.

[Anonymous No.23244316]

>>23240668
Anyone know a good site for uploading erotic fiction? Want to get some feedback on some stuff I'm writing. Tried AO3 but it seems to be exclusively for fanfics

[Anonymous No.23244323]

>>23244316
scribblehub should be fine

[Anonymous No.23244325]

>>23243720
you need to be 18 to post here

[Anonymous No.23244326]

>>23244316
Literotica exists but I've never used it so I can't speak to the whether you'll get good feedback or not

[Anonymous No.23244333]

>>23243426
In paragraph 2 you use "cloudless sky" and then in the next sentence you use "featureless sky". You already established this in the previous sentence so it's redundant. I liked it aside from that, keep at it bro.

[Anonymous No.23244390]

>>23243836
Thanks. I'm just glad I'm headed in the right direction with it. I really hate that sentence too. I wanted a sense of it being a new experience and vertigo inducing. There's also a stylistic voice I'm trying to hammer out, one that needs to be slightly uncanny, but I haven't quite worked out how I want to do that. I like how some translated works have turns of phrase that could also be proper english, but are a little off.

>>23244333
That's an error, but I do want a certain quality that pedals on synonyms and slightly changes the nuance of repeated descriptions. I'm just glad to finally have something written and that it's something I enjoyed reading when I was done.

I also don't like giving such short excerpts, getting ripped for content is a lot easier to work with than prose, but man it's been a while since I wrote something that wasn't 5 pages of dialog in a room.

[Anonymous No.23244392]

I don't want to write
I'm just going to lay in bed

[Anonymous No.23244430]

>>23244392
I'm doing the same, but reading memoirs of German tank commanders to get a feel for how their experience was. I've always wanted to write a war story, but I'm far from a weapon autist.

[Anonymous No.23244431]

>>23244325
you forgot the sweety

[Anonymous No.23244472]

>>23243384
sounds like you need a different hobby

[Anonymous No.23244480]

>>23244431
no i didn't, edgelord

[Anonymous No.23244483]

>>23244323
>>23244326
Thanks!

[Anonymous No.23244487]

Question:
>MC falls in love with girl and vice versa
>They're both really conflicted about it
>Him because she's one of the only people he's interacted with in his life
>Her because he's really similar to her dead lover
How do you handle this?

[Anonymous Mogul No.23244498]

>>23244172
Would like some feedback<div class="xa24desu"></div>

[Anonymous No.23244499]

>>23244480
nice b8

[Anonymous No.23244524]

>>23244487
Isn’t this just Greg House and Dr. Cameron?

[Anonymous No.23244531]

>>23244172
>passing/circling
Hate it. DFW could maybe pull it off and even he wouldn't open with it. Whether narrative voice is ostensibly spoken or written is highly controversial, but I'd be conscious of things not meant to be read aloud.

As for the content, is that all of it? It's not great as far as micro fiction goes. I'd read more if there is, that's something.

[Anonymous No.23244539]

>>23244499
you would know, master b8r

[Anonymous No.23244564]

>>23244487
>he's not my dead lover
>she's one of the few people I know but that doesn't change anything
>sex
It's that simple.

[Anonymous No.23244571]

>>23244487
While not that exact scenario, there is a similar case of confliction about being in a relationship.
My MC knows that he is the product and rape, and that his work has resulted in many deaths, thus he doesn't feel he should be allowed to fall in love.
The girl is blind, and her culture hates her for that, especially since her family is known for their magical eyes.
The conflict is that since he is the first person to be actually nice to her, he believes that she is just latching onto him for that reason, and that her love is false, that she'll come to hate him like he thinks she should.
In the end, he decides that he can't let what happened to his mother, what he is the product of, stop him from at least trying to have a relationship.
She also looks weirdly like his youngest adoptive sister, and he realizes how people would view it if he was in a relationship with her.
I would write a scene where she admits that he looks like her lover, and he isn't comfortable with her dumping all of these feelings on him.
But, he decides to at least try, because while she is one of the only people he knows, she makes him happy, and worst case, it isn't like he is locked into it forever.

[Anonymous No.23244654]

>>23244487
Just manufacture some conflict with an evil villain who wants to keep them apart for some reason and, in defeating him together, they realise they love each other
t. modern Hollywood writer

[Anonymous No.23244694]

>>23243426
Chore to read, pretentious in a bad way to be blunt. Reading should be enjoyable.

>>23243895
Needs to be condensed. It's workable but too diluted for what's there.

>>23244172
Chore to read. Too much descriptors, not enough substance.

[Anonymous No.23244735]

>>23244172
Awful

[Anonymous No.23244747]

>I [this]
>I [Long stream of conciousness ramble]
>I [Blah blah blah]
Is anyone writing third person stories?

[Anonymous No.23244749]

>>23244747
Me, but it's not in a presentable state yet

[Anonymous No.23244764]

>>23244749
Post it anyway

[Anonymous No.23244782]

>>23244181
For the first impression scene you basically have the narrator describe her pretty attributes as well as the burns, they can be contrasted (something like "but the soft sheen of her skin was marred by deep red scars running across the left side of her face, the result of some horrible burns she'd suffered long ago") or just thrown in altogether in describing her.
It's done a lot in all kinds of fiction, not very hard.

[Anonymous No.23244804]

>>23244181
>>23244782
Also I would lean more heavily into describing their body language, something like how she appears demure (if that's what you're going for) and perhaps how despite possessing some attributes of attractiveness she appears unusually reserved or scared of others (again if that's what you're going for).
I feel like body language is a good one because it hints at how scarring and burns are inconsequential to the overall character and essence to a person, but it still lets you know how much this scarring does inevitable define the character.
On the other hand, if you're going for a character where the burns aren't that important to them you can again convey it through body language or the actions of the character, perhaps by having them being exuberant and laughing in a social setting, appearing at ease with themselves.

[Anonymous No.23244809]

>>23244764
I already posted it a few threads back. I started writing a really boring description scene since then that I've been slogging through, it's really not worth a read right now

[Anonymous No.23244854]

P wiped at the sleep from his eyes, and pulled the chair closer to the observation window’s control panels in front of him. Squinting, white light streaked through the large plexiglass frame, distorting his vision in the confines of the dark room.
“Are you feeling sick? If you need more time I can wait,” a monotone voice asked from within the darkness.
“I’m fine,” P responded, before taking in a deep breath. “Set,” he replied.
“Rotation?”
He looked down at the console screen stretched across the panel. Numbers and data flew around in a whirlwind. “Nominal.”
“Temperature?”
“Slight deviation in the upper hemisphere, but nominal.”
“Nucleus readout?”
“Six thousand, nucleus is nominal,” P said.
He swiveled the chair around, peering at his questioner. P could feel his eyes adjusting once more, until he made shape of a pale face staring solemnly back at his. Orange eyes radiated from within the dark, two distant fires ablaze in the dim of the metallic cabin.
“Before you go, Q,” P said, breaking away from the mundane and compulsory hand-off routine he’d taken part in countless times before. “I need to know. Did anything interesting happen with our friends below when I was in stasis?”
Q scrunched his brow, causing the few remaining wisps of hair above his eyes to glitter in the dark. “Please elaborate,” he asked with a polite and robotic tone.
“Anything out of the ordinary. For example, have they behaved in a way that goes against what we’ve seen up to this point, something out of character?”
There was a slight pause, and for a second P wasn’t sure if Q would give any reply at all. Then, he began to walk slowly towards the window, causing each footstep to echo around the room. His pale skin appeared almost translucent within the glow of the light as he approached and settled in front of P.
“I am not preoccupied with what is ordinary or what is out of character,” he said without a hint of inflection in his voice. “It is not my duty to care if they live, die, mutate, progress or regress. We document what we see; that is our purpose. Nothing more and nothing less.”
Silence enveloped the two figures. P didn’t know what to say in response, if anything at all.

[Anonymous No.23244920]

>>23240668
What do I do with a couple short stories I wrote that got great feedback from workshops and from my profs? It's literary fiction with some bits of hardcore violence. I don't know what to do with it now that its written

[Anonymous No.23244923]

>>23241813
You shouldn't be writing. I bet you will eventually eat your gun when you get worked up enough.

[Anonymous No.23244960]

>>23243895
The first paragrah makes use of 'but,...' twice in a row

[Anonymous No.23245110]

For some reason I can't make peace with the fact that I can't create great stories in my mind. Seems like everything is shallow and barely worth of a side-character C-plot.

[Anonymous No.23245133]

>>23245110
that's normal, you have to work ideas.

[Anonymous No.23245258]

i did it. i wrote a proper emotional draft/outline. tragedy, suspense, twists, more tragedy.

the trick was to deprive myself of internet for awhile.

[Anonymous No.23245464]

>>23243101
>Did that come across properly?
Yes.

No comments.

[Anonymous No.23245631]

>>23244172
Not sure why everyone is pooping their pants over this, it doesn't have much substance (although it does have some) but the title should have given that away; personally I thought it was a roundabout at first (it's not like I'm an expert of road schema) but Americans don't know what those are.
As far as descriptions go it invokes imagery so that's a plus. I suppose some people might consider similes to be "cheating" because «like» is a magical word that spares you the use of anything more complicated than a faux metaphor. Your omission of «a» twice greatly inconveniences me, I feel like there's better ways of phrasing that without resorting to kidnapping for the sake of flow (which it breaks anyway). The rabbit and bird simile is apt, but the deeper connotation with a predator ending their prey would mean that the cop ended whatever illegality was afoot, or chased it resulting in the crash, whereas you probably meant something more akin to vultures to a carcass. The «passing/circling» thing doesn't really work, it could if the text was longer and there was more of an emphasis on the dichotomy; it's the sort of thought that a long time resident of the cloverleaf would have formed but that the reader would chalk up to the awkwardness of the slash while reading.
As for the actual substance there is some. The no guardrails comment is meant to connect the late shipment with the crash outside but it's done in a somewhat non-sequitur way, "how did he know?" Sure he probably has windows in his trailer, but at the same time we're just going to forget about it all together after reading through the rest of the descriptions. That he lets the door shut itself could be interpreted as a reinforcement of "What can you do about it?", but the hawk doesn't symbolically add anything to the piece since it just agrees with the main character's attitude towards his implied (im)personal tragedy. While there could be some commentary as to the attitude of people that live in the outback towards life I'm more inclined to think that this is just an individual's reaction, which renders any commentary null. Even if we take into consideration the overall descriptions (most of the work) and attribute it to being placid, does that make it a work reflecting on Stoicism or a description, with little substance, for the sake of itself?
Overall I don't see why people shat their panties, certainly not for any articulate reasons although I would understand a little pee. It can be improved, but I don't think that you're quite there yet. Don't use similes (look up figure of speech on Wikipedia the free encyclopedia), actually ground the guardrails comment into what is happening (the character has eyeballs and the trailer has windows into your soul) and be more careful with symbols like the hawk or the rabbit-bird situation (if you don't have anything to say then don't say it and take better stock of the full meaning of what you're writing).

[Anonymous No.23245669]

Hey everyone it’s the second day of Camp NaNoWriMo I hope you all were super productive yesterday, no foolin’!

[Anonymous No.23245672]

>>23244747
Actually had a major issue when writing 3rd person of my protag asking way too many questions.
>Did she like this
>Would I survive the fight against antag
>What are these clues
Felt too much like I the author had no idea to the answers and was hoping a reader could supply. So I cut all questions and made them statements even if the protag was wrong.

[Anonymous No.23245677]

>>23244923
Worked for Hemmingway

[Anonymous No.23245736]

>>23245669
I hope it's worth taking five minutes out of my writing time today yo sign up and then some to update...

[Anonymous No.23245743]

>>23243101
As just reading this for the first time and arriving at that conclusion? No.
As reading this after your explanation? Yes.
Her shrinking is more heavily connotative with their difference in height and not her bracing herself because she thought she was going to get hit or her shrinking back purely psychologically. Putting her at the beginning of the sentence mostly because you wanted to talk about what the guy is doing later also undermines her as a victim of his actions, and her reaction to them.
«The boy drew himself to his height, eyes flashing like thunder, his teeth gnashed in bestial fury as the girl shrank back (into a ball)- and then suddenly, it was gone».
Shifting those two around makes it clearer since it's a logical sequence of actions and reactions. Even so if you were just a little bit more specific with how she shrank, even if it's an exaggeration like «(curled) into a ball» her circumstances would be a lot clearer. People who are physically abused often protect themselves even when there's no present danger, all it takes is a mistaken arm movement, curling into a ball would be an extreme reaction but protecting her head with her arms wouldn't.
Besides that there's just tiny things I would suggest: I wouldn't be surprised if she was crying or trembling or if he felt guilty or pity rather than being so composed after rationalizing it. It seems more in line with the development you wanted and doesn't ascribe his actions and speech to pure self-control.

[Anonymous No.23245772]

I willn’t write no mo.

[Anonymous No.23245780]

Bill talked to his friend. They had a meaningful conversation and then killed each other.

[Anonymous No.23245785]

What do i write? How do i do it?
I have a desire to create but nothing at all past that initial instinct.

[Anonymous No.23245792]

>>23245785
Then go knock up some chick and create a life. Unless you’re a liberal. Then it’s not really a life until it’s born.

[Anonymous No.23245805]

>>23245785
I find that when I get an idea or see a vignette in my mind, there is something still unconscious attached to it, and that is usually what it's really about. Teasing that out is hard, sitting on it and letting it ferment is harder. I could tell you to write about the realization that everyone you've ever personally known and kept company with is fucked in the head from some kind of generational trauma, and you are too, but that's a flashy idea that has to sink into the subconscious and attach to things down in there in order to form a coherent narrative. That's a little too heavy, perhaps the universal experience of vacationing with friends and quickly finding out that they're miserable, disgusting assholes and your friendship is never the same after that. Ideas are a dime a dozen, it's letting them develop into something without trying to stir the pot too much and artificially ornament them that's the hurdle.

Brainstorm, write things down, let them sit. Fuck with them later. Nothing comes until you prime the pump, then you're overflowing with (bad) ideas that need filtering and processing into something you feel.

[Anonymous No.23245982]

What about uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
A shortform horror story about a cwc-like weird fucking manchild guy who turns into a weird avatar of decay with fucked up organ sacks on his back?

Actually nah i think that'd be shit. There's no contrast. It's just fucked up thing but scary but supernatural.
It shouldve been something normal but with a fucked up thingbattached to it.

Idk i've got no idea how to go about this. Maybe some people just aren't cut out for creative thinking.

[Anonymous No.23246019]

>>23245982
Plenty of stories have really mundane, uncreative premises that are made interesting by their characters instead. You could write a story about a guy going to the store to get milk that could be awesome if you make the characters well-written. Try focusing on that instead of making your story "unique" or something.

[Anonymous No.23246029]

>>23246019
That's way harder to accomplish or even attempt though.
I'd rather just use a silly gimmick crutch at first since i havent written anything ever yet.

[Anonymous No.23246118]

>>23246029
It really isn't. The gimmick comes from the hyperbolized form of what is already there. Go read some Ambrose Bierce and get a feel horror if you want to do that.

[Anonymous No.23246167]

Would it be proper to refer to these as "creased eyebrows?"

[Anonymous No.23246173]

>>23246167
Furrowed

[Anonymous No.23246177]

>>23246173
nigged

[Anonymous No.23246186]

>>23246173
Furro wed? I didn't even know he was seeing someone

[Anonymous No.23246515]

>>23240668
Thoughts on the opening?

[Anonymous No.23246549]

I've distanced myself a bit from the first draft and today I started reading it again. It's not as bad as I had imagined. Sure, it needs polishing, but not starting it from scratch. I feel hopeful, frens.

[Anonymous No.23246560]

>>23246515
>mercenary-poet
>Kai Miranda Ryuko
>lesbian
those stylistic nits aside, the punctuation in the first sentence - the single dash being the worst offender - causes it to be awkward and stilted. opium isn't swallowed. mayeb something more like
>In the small townhouse that lay in the shade of one of the megatowers, the mercenary-poet (I hate this word, just say Kai and then find out her name more naturally later on) savored the earthy-sweet taste of opium, perhaps the greatest gift of the orient
then a couple sentences after you call her body a fetid pool instead of the sheets

[Anonymous No.23246562]

>>23246549
good
starting from scratch is a bad meme

[Anonymous No.23246640]

I’d write but I won’t.

[Anonymous No.23246691]

>>23244747
>Is anyone writing third person stories?
Exclusively.

[Anonymous No.23246724]

>>23246560
Mechanics sometimes slip by me. That's understandable.

And I like using Mercenary-Poet because characters often have titles like that because people here use the philosophy jargon in everyday speech, like "womb-heaven", "no-lang" "acolyte-wives", "conglomerate-faith." It's an in universe thing that I do. Sorta like how "being-in-the-world" is written or "there-being" etc

Also, I used swallowed because it's more visceral and sad than having her savor it, which she doesn't do, given how she's a sad addict. The act of swallowing sounds a bit more inhuman.

Both are fetid pools, but her body is too because she hasn't showered in a while and her limbs are all spread around but she's been stagnant in that position for a while.

[Anonymous No.23246867]

>>23246640
You just did

[Anonymous No.23246873]

>>23244960
>>23244694

Better?

[Anonymous No.23246877]

>>23246515
>almost prose for ants

I think the 5th paragraph acts more as a summary of what Mikaela is doing rather than a coherent and timely telling of it. Particularly, Kai has no knowledge of what's happening in her absence so it's weird that you go from narrating her thoughts to displaying events elsewhere without any sort of transition between the two.
You use free indirect speech a lot but you should note that the narrator is not the same person as the character that they're narrating. Some statements, while subjective thoughts, can gain an objective life of their own if you're not careful. «Whoever she was meeting has a thing for office girls»; is what Kai thought, but by virtue of it being relayed in free indirect speech there's also the notion of the narrator saying it as a matter of fact. Kai is making an educated guess and would never have a way to know, there needs to be some separation between what she thought and what actually happened, otherwise you're turning thoughts into reality by virtue of the type of speech you're employing. If you intended for that to be the case then it's the narrator who should state it, not Kai's inner monologue.
Since all the characters are female it's also hard to decipher who is who at times given your prolific usage of pronouns. Knowing that it's a third person limited narration doesn't immediately resolve some of these sentences either.
Then there's your dash usage which you're using like a colon but not really, it would need to be an em dash too, or that one dependent clause at the end of the first paragraph that shouldn't be its own sentence, or that long run-on sentence at the end of the fifth paragraph that has a quirky usage of commas, given that there are such things as parenthesis or en dashes... It's stuff that you'll have to touch up on.
Otherwise I really like that Kai has lots of character flaws and that she wishes that she could keep munching her own carpet under the guise of therapy (but maybe I got that part wrong, too many damn feminine pronouns). Just rework the fifth paragraph and fix a couple of things and you're good.

[Literally me No.23246916]

>>23246877
Very good advice man thanks so much.

The POV thing is something I do struggle with. I initially started writing in a more omniscient style but I found that although the prose was good, my characters were very static and I didn't get that deep and raw introspection that I wanted out of them. Since I've started messing with Free Indirect, I've had a lot more fun writing but it does make it confusing. Honestly, I haven't had anyone say anything about POV so it makes me happy you understand what I'm doing. Most people sorta just say they're confused and leave (understandable)

>Otherwise I really like that Kai has lots of character flaws and that she wishes that she could keep munching her own carpet under the guise of therapy

I actually lol'd. That's exactly what this technology is and I'm so glad someone got it because I started with a lot of info about why she's in the position she's in and it's kind of abstract but I'm glad you got that she's mad and upset she can't be with her soul-clone that she ends up having healing sex with.

[Anonymous No.23246926]

>>23246724
>ackshully it's great because
no. unless she is a big fat hog her body is not a fetid pool. swallowed still isn't right. having her fall into an opium dream, maybe.
The other major problem is you open with an exposition flashback - this could be salvaged if you change these past actions into a present seeming opium dream that Kai is re-experiencing, and interacting with, but not as it stands.

[Anonymous No.23246932]

Is it true I have to be gay to be published? How gay?

[Anonymous No.23246936]

>>23246932
even that isn't enough anymore. you need to castrate yourself and prance around in oversized little girl clothes and if anyone says anything uncomplimentary that means you need to threaten both suicide and violence

[Anonymous No.23246940]

>>23246932
Ambiguously, nonbinary would probably sell better right now. Judging by this month's issue of Poetry, hard gay still gets some points, but the 80s AIDS crisis is back in vogue so you also have to be an oldfag.

[Anonymous No.23247004]

everyone here is in love with the idea of being a writer, rather than actually writing anything good lmao. pretentious hacks

[Anonymous No.23247007]

>>23246916
>she's mad and upset she can't be with her soul-clone that she ends up having healing sex with
Yah that's funny but also relatable (not literally though), I'm glad I deciphered that. It's mostly the pronouns that make it harder to understand that part, substituting for their names or stuff like "white-haired insomniac" would do. Ideally you would always juggle stuff like that around so that there's no ambiguity but also not too much repetition.
>>23246926
>tfw no fetid pool stinky "2 weeks without water" gf to have healing sex with
Lit opium is smoke so swallowing it is perfectly right and she explicitly smokes it out of a pipe later anyways. Also the entire thing is written in past tense, there's no flashback or "present" that needs to be gotten back to. There's no need for an opium dream when the narrator is just going through her thoughts about a six month old breakup she hasn't gotten over.

[Anonymous No.23247038]

>>23247004
Got a source for that?

[Anonymous No.23247048]

>>23247004
A statement more vacuous than a published poet's asshole.

[Anonymous No.23247052]

>>23247048
Quite vacuous, indeed.

[Anonymous No.23247059]

>>23247007
>there's no flashback
correct, as it is currently presented
> or "present" that needs to be gotten back to
correct, and this is the problem. it's lifeless exposition. as it stands your story has no narrative hook.
and smoke is inhaled. hell tobacco when smoked in a pipe, or as a cigar, basically just fills the mouth and it isn't fully inhaled. that said, opium is definitely inhaled. in either case, smoking does not involve swallowing. my assumption is you've never smoked a hookah or a pipe

[Anonymous No.23247090]

>>23246873

Just realized I forgot to edit out the first but in the opening paragraph. Mine is about two rival mercenary swordsman who meet after many years when their world is heading towards modernization and their profession is dying out as things are becoming more modernised his rival managed to find happiness outside of killing and the battlefield but what' a good way I can segue this into where my swordsman character seeks dying by the sword before they are flushed under the weight of Civilization or finding happiness like his rival did

[Anonymous No.23247106]

I'm doing some background reading and I am fascinated with the prospect of a people moving through seemingly untamed lands, making provisions, forming bonds, hoping for a new future, etc.
So I am interested in reading on the Oregon trail, ideally first hand accounts. Not just the adventures and hardships, the ones that went awry, but also the ones that just chronicled their journey as they went or recounted it after it was done.
What are some good firsthand accounts and historical sources on that? Or any such time of wandering.

[Anonymous No.23247129]

I like the idea of generation ships a lot.
Not even as the cliche of: "We're drifting towards a new home! No one knows how long it'll take, but we'll have to survive and live on the ship until then".
Moreso was thinking about a universe where thry're a commonplace and humanity has simply adapted to the vastness of space by embracing the idea.
The "empire" would be several stars wide, but even that's enough to warrant making generation ships the norm.
I wonder what sort of a culture/psyops would they create to justify it? Or what sort of economy would arise from having to wait several generations for a delivery to become finalized.
Let's just assume you
>Need to exchange goods
400 years old trek during which you must make sure not one person fucks with the cargo and that the descendants of the og traders will be willing to part with it
>Space habitat declared "independence" so the empire has to send an armed force
Millitary would probably have faster ships but you'd still need several generations to come and go remaining loyal to the regime and ready to wage war.

It'd be easy to motivate generations first and final, but what about literally everyone in the middle? You'd just be born into a big space can knowing that you'll never amount to anything by design.

[Anonymous No.23247166]

>>23247129
>knowing that you'll never amount to anything by design.
sounds familiar, wonder if there's something here you can draw from

[Anonymous No.23247200]

>>23245785
>What do i write?
Magic the gathering fanfiction.
>How do i do it?
Put words down in an entertaining/insightful/whatever manner.

[Anonymous No.23247205]

>>23247166
No idea what you're alluding to unless it's just le modern society.
Could you elaborate?

[Anonymous No.23247209]

>>23247106
You've got reams and reams of letters and correspondence from American pioneers. Most of them are public - the Library of Congress has a bunch.

[Anonymous No.23247211]

>>23247205
yes, i'm suggesting you draw from (exaggerations of) modern society. typical sci-fi stuff
how might they have dealt with the issue of motivation (for the hopeless generations)? pull the wool over their eyes? an iron fist? whatever

[Anonymous No.23247216]

>>23247059
Oh, so you're better than lesbian clone sex, huh? Besides that I wouldn't say that there's no reason to keep on reading, nothing has happened presently but given that introspection will be a recurrent thing the main character's psychology is much more important for the prospective reader. If you don't want to watch the train wreck then it's probably not for you.
To swallow isn't just to put into the stomach via the mouth, that's merely one meaning. It's not being implied that she is eating smoke, if the author wanted to just say that opium was being used they could have just used smoking as the default go to word. It's not at all a matter of utilitarianism or drug paraphernalia know how.
And it's not my work either.

[Anonymous No.23247297]

>>23247129
The logistics of this makes it fairly impractical. Unless these ships carried centuries worth of supplies that couldn't be easily manufactured before a colony would be established you would have to send several other ships and shipments immediately behind the colony ship so that it would receive them for the next 400 years for example, all of this before it even sends anything back. There's also the margin of error between what is sent and what is needed but thankfully neither of us actually have to grapple with that.
The real life example of this is Mars where weight is too precious when it comes to rocket payload to simply send a year's worth of supplies along with people, but due to the orbits required to launch stuff to and from Mars you have maybe 1-2 days every 2 years or so to launch several years worth of goods. Even if you eliminate a lot of our physical inconveniences that we do to save on fuel (because of weight), it's still a daunting and uncertain prospect with a lot of parallels to real life discoveries and colonization but exacerbated by a factor of centuries rather than a couple of months at sea.

[Anonymous No.23247309]

>>23247216
>nothing has happened presently but given that introspection will be a recurrent thing the main character's psychology is much more important for the prospective reader. If you don't want to watch the train wreck then it's probably not for you.

OP here. Nothing has happened right now because I want to sort of show how Kai Miranda got to where she was and sort of build to her movement of finally getting up and seeing her friend (Mikaela's sister) at her bar. This motion of movement and dressing and going outside will feel cumbersome as hell which is why the prose at the beginning is very introspective and heady. It's supposed to mimic her thoughts repeating the same old traumas and shit.

Watching a train wreck is a big part of Kai Miranda's arc, at least initially. She its very much at the whim of her emotions and she lets them control her. She has a tendency to repress her sexuality and let it manifest into violence and so sometimes she goes looking for fights (foreshadowing the bar). Her whole arc for a while is her trying to eventually take control of herself and to carve her own path. However, this fails miserably over and over again in different and more intense ways as the plot goes on, to the point where she feels her own body is false and her "soul-clone" is really her. (Which is partly true given the technology)

I'm glossing over a LOT. But these slow, introspective, heavily symbolic character-focused books aren't for everyone. There is an overarching plot that does ramp up, but yeah it takes time and there are certain characters like Kai Miranda where it's mainly, as you've said, watching a train wreck.

Wait until she starts vlogging lol

[Anonymous No.23247330]

>>23247216
>yeah nothing has happened, but introspective navelgazing and name dropping unintroduced characters is super important to the reader
>yes, swallow is used incorrectly, but there's more than one meaning for swallow so even if it's used incorrectly there are other meanings
>it's not my work either
so are you the guy's little brother running to his defense?
>so you're better than lesbian clone sex, huh?
lmao. clown.
I gave my feedback because his narrative structure needs to be fixed. getting buttblasted because someone offers a critique will not improve the piece. if he just wants praise he should show it to his mother, or go crying to his discord buddies

[Anonymous No.23247350]

What do you think? It's the first thing I've wrote since the first week of January.

[Anonymous No.23247419]

>>23247350

A little flowery you didn't need to put reunion in the opening twice.

[Anonymous No.23247444]

>>23247106
Townsends on youtube constantly refer to the diaries and journals of men like Nicholas Cresswell and others I'm forgetting

[Anonymous No.23247455]

>>23247330
How am I buttblasted? I'm simply arguing with you because I can't sleep and I find your insistence on swallow odd, like you need to win this little argument or you'll have another midlife crisis.
But let's actually entertain what you're saying about the exposition: how exactly are you meant to write about someone mulling over a 6 month old break up without any set up? You're already complaining about one other character's name being dropped without her being introduced, how exactly would not introducing her even harder fix that? You're paradoxically demanding exposition. Or is the issue that she's thinking about things while doing nothing instead of doing nothing of any substance (walking her dog, munching carpet, smoking opium) while thinking about things? I'm asking a real question here, not merely being pedantic; the lack of action does not fundamentally change anything about the information that was relayed. How exactly do you portray sitting on your ass while thinking about yesterday? Besides exposition, you do get the character's thoughts on what is being told to you, the action is entirely situated within her head, there's not much else that could be done (although there's a few things that could be, here or there), certainly nothing substantial enough to eliminate the inner rumination all together. There has to be a practical solution to what you're proposing that isn't simply "lol, make it into a drug fueled dream trope", so I'd like to hear it.
Frankly I know the answer to that question because that's how I exclusively write but I'd rather hear it from the Swallow's mouth.

[Anonymous No.23247491]

>>23247309
You're on the right track. Just don't fall into the folly of having too much stuff thought up and never really getting anywhere with. Make sure to plan things out on the chapter level and their progression or you might end up with too little for several chapters or too much packed into a single chapter.

[Anonymous No.23247506]

>>23247455
>how exactly are you meant to write about someone mulling over a 6 month old break up without any set up?
I literally explained it earlier. She is smoking opium. Opium is known for causing hallucinations. Wouldn't it be better storytelling to have the object of her hallucination come to life, so to speak, and then they can have some dialogue and we can actually meet the character instead of getting an exposition dump.
>There has to be a practical solution to what you're proposing that isn't simply "lol, make it into a drug fueled dream trope"
I'm working with what I'm given. He is literally making his character smoke opium in the first fucking line. If he wasn't doing that then maybe he should have his fantasy "clone" lesbian sex partner start mocking the MC for fucking up the relationship and being a loser.
>the lack of action does not fundamentally change anything about the information that was relayed
it does. it makes it engaging for the reader instead of a laundry list exposition dump
you retard clown

[Anonymous No.23247508]

>>23247004
that would explain a lot, wouldn't it. when an anon asks what they should write about, i point out that most people that want to be writers do so because they have something to say, and i ask that if they have nothing to say, why do they want to be writers. i don't remember the last time anyone replied to that question

[Anonymous No.23247530]

how do i cope with the fact that if i were to write litfic, they’d all have the same underlying message: ‘we must dismember the chinese state and obliterate the chinese identity.’

[Anonymous No.23247551]

>>23247530
the CCP is way ahead of you on that task

[Anonymous No.23247582]

>>23247530
Embrace it anon.

[Anonymous No.23247677]

>>23247506
>Wouldn't it be better storytelling to have the object of her hallucination come to life, so to speak, and then they can have some dialogue and we can actually meet the character instead of getting an exposition dump.

Interesting idea. However, you meet Mikaela in Chapter 4 and 5 anyways. She's a very important character. Also, having Mikaela there would sort of ruin the mystery of why she got in that position and who this person is.
I don't like spoonfeeding the audience.
>it makes it engaging for the reader instead of a laundry list exposition dump
There's a huge difference between "Kai Miranda was sad because her and her ex broke up and she sat in her room smoking opium and being really depressed and shit" and what I do. I get it. It's not an action packed scene. But why would it be anything else if the character is literally smoking a downer for a week? It's not like she's up on meth or something. I like having the prose fit the themes and the action, which in this case, is her sitting around and moping. She gets up and goes and does something so it's not entirely Oblomov-esque but I think making it too active of a scene makes it dumb when she's smoking opium. They just don't correlate.

[Anonymous No.23247687]

>>23247506
Dialogue is a way but it doesn't really avoid the drug dream trope. Besides the author isn't trying to write a short story, there's no real rush to meet a version of the main character's ex that is influenced by the drugs, the breakup and other such grievances, so it's not even how she would act normally. If done properly it wouldn't be much of an introduction to the actual character even if it's less static than mental rumination.
The clone can't do that because the ex stole it from her. It's so fucking over.
Either way it doesn't make any difference like I've said. You're not coming up with ways to portray what I asked of you but rather ways to side step what you perceive to be the problem with the premise. It's a legitimate premise, millions have experienced it, there must a good way to deliver it then. But not really though, it's already being presented as it is.
So what is the solution? There's none. Exposition isn't bad in of itself and it doest stop being exposition just because you ommit it.
The entire scene could be told by not stating her thoughts at all. Her eyes could wander through the room at photos, strewn clothes, off-white sheets, past mementos, her hand could hover around her crotch as she stared in the mirror of her wardrobe and mumbled about a clone in a white room that was taken away from her, legs stretching and folding all the same with the underlip bit and all, body desrepaired, smell as before, smoking herself through a jade pipe whilst holding it all in whenever her roomate walked by, ever slower on the approach to her doorstep; her nose, her mouth, her brows, her eyes, it could tell you a whole story, but it would still be exposition; you would just have to think a little bit harder about it all, what was being said.
Did it change anything? Not at all, I'm more content that I didn't have to read someone dumping lore excerpts about their magic system than a maladjusted character going on about her thoughts on a breakup.

[Anonymous No.23247698]

>>23241020

Lesson #1, and then #2 and also #3:

Show, don't tell.

[Anonymous No.23247699]

how do i learn to construct something and not just haphazardly write
i dont know how to make a beginning middle and an end
i dont know how to consciously have themes and an audience in mind

im thinking of something right now. i have a beginning and some disconnected scenes. but i dont really know how to make any bigger idea

[Anonymous No.23247711]

I wrote this. After a month staring at it I'm not really as happy with it as I was. And I'm not sure I can continue writing it although I have events in mind and an ending. I think this was just more of an exercise to flex some dead muscle. I'm not sure I like this style of prose. And I don't think I'm really saying anything at all. I think I might just drop this here and delete it like all my other stuff.
I'll post it here just for activity and general advice.
https://pastebin.com/vdYvscMk

[Anonymous No.23247717]

>>23247129
> Knowing you'll never amount to anything by design

That leads to chaos and mutiny.

I'm also reminded of the underrated Passengers movie. Good as it was released but the fanedit to make it more tense was a good decision style wise by that fanedit or:
https://mega.nz/file/UxkHVAzR#oChtpp3cg5q3Lw_GEy7yhY4CtBgLnrH1u6MI8kDsMlI

[Literally me No.23247725]

>>23247699
>how do i learn to construct something and not just haphazardly write
By haphazardly writing. You should go and dive in without thinking, sort of like letting your unconscious take hold. Then eventually your brain will get into a zone and thoughts will emerge. It is a muscle you have to train though. Most new writers are unable to conjure visions and thoughts on command. You have to be able to train your mind to come up with stuff.
Now, you can go in with a premise in mind. You should ask yourself why you want to write. There should be something burning inside that only the art of writing can itch. If you don't have this minimum, you won't make anything good. You need to have the drive. You have to think about where the seed is planted and then go from there.
>i dont know how to make a beginning middle and an end
Yes you do. You know you're supposed to introduce things in the beginning, send a character off at the end of Act 1. Have them fail a bunch in Act 2. Have them go to their lowest point at the end of Act 2. And then have them bring themselves up to succeed or fail in Act 3. Basic Hero's Journey. It's a shitty and annoyingly basic roadmap, but it's good for people just starting out.
>i dont know how to consciously have themes and an audience in mind
Themes come after you write. Don't worry about them until you're well into editing. Or if that seed I mentioned earlier is a particular theme (fear of death, revenge etc) then work with that and have characters embody that theme and have their motivations workk with iit. Basically if you have a basic theme then when you write you make sure your characters act on that theme.
The audience is you. You alone are all that matter. Do not write for other people if you wish to maintain the artistic quality of the work.

[Anonymous No.23247733]

>>23247725
Is writing with an audience in mind just one of those things they say in highschool thats basically worthless outside of being code for "Don't write to your boss like hes one of your stupid friends."
When I was in school they stressed all these rules even for creative writing that made the whole thing unpalatable to me. The kind of writing you suggest seemed demonized. My teachers seemed like they wanted me to already have all the writing in my head before I even started writing which was just paralyzing. And they made me do all these brain webs and graphics on paper that I haven't found helpful at all when trying to do my own thing because thats just not how I think of a story.

[Anonymous No.23247836]

>>23247711
Reminds me of my early writings, that melancholic kinda prose and David Peace in Tokyo Year Zero for some reason.
I feel as if goes on for too long, there should be something happening in between. Most of is pretty cool, maybe turn it it a little bit down with the poetic stuff, or dilute it with something in between.

[Anonymous No.23247864]

>>23247836
Its supposed to be about obsession and infatuation. I have in mind him completing the journey, spending time in the cafe alone. Then a twist. Then some wandering and an ending. With a call back to the musing on the dog. But right now I just feel a bit lost in it. There's some stuff I'd want to smooth out but yeah its basically a story that's mostly all in his head right now and I think that's just too fatiguing both to write and to read.

[Anonymous No.23247871]

I'm really into fantasy and have always enjoyed creative writing in school, so I thought that I'd give it a shot. I have fleshed out the general story in my head, but I need to write more than the first chapter. I uploaded it on Wattpad cause it seems the easiest, though it really fucked with the formatting, which I did not like.

It's not perfect, so there may be some things fucked up, like using the wrong name or small errors but it's readable. Let me know what you think: https://www.wattpad.com/story/366172697-the-flame-of-man

[Anonymous No.23247885]

>>23247864
What makes in fatiguing is that there is no breaks, nothing wrong with the prose, but maybe find ways to make it "take a break" although I can understand that being difficult if you want the story to be mostly in his head, If the trance is interrupted then it lowers it's impact and value and it feels awkward and difficult to jump back in, at least that was my experience.

[Anonymous No.23247905]

>>23247871
you want to start your chapter with (picrel), or something like that.
until you have mastery of the craft/or very keen intentions, you can't just ramble about your world. or try to win us with a conversation about nothing.
i've heard suggestions like-- 80% action, 20% exposition (showing, telling). there are no rules, but you want to look for this sort of guidance until you have more experience.

[Anonymous No.23247909]

>>23247905
>>23247871
the little bit about the origin of the bottle might be fine, but keep it short and entertaining.

[Anonymous No.23247937]

>>23247677
>you meet Mikaela in Chapter 4 and 5 anyways
>I get it. It's not an action packed scene
you really don't seem to get it. his is your opening scene. I don't care what you do in chapter 5 or chapter 50, this is where your reader has picked up the book and they're trying to see if they should spend any time on it. it doesn't need to be action packed, but it needs to be impactful. which your exposition dump isn't.

[Anonymous No.23247945]

>>23247909
Alright, I agree. Looking at it now, it doesn't need to be done immediately if I want to explain the random bottle. Thanks for reading by the way, I know its about 20 minutes.

Do you think it's bad to talk about the expanded world? I try to use it when relevant, e.g., the city is big because of its placement, and I leave hooks for later. I expect when I finish that, it'll be a pretty long work, so everything will eventually have an explanation behind it, but is it too much to start? I just feel if I cut down on things like that the chapters feel short and dont have much meat to them.

[Anonymous No.23247951]

>>23247909
>>23247945
What would you think about expanding on the scene by making the explanations and other dialogue come through him walking from the smithy to the tavern? So rather than just adding all that stuff, he sees people from each kingdom and race, and the state of the town then it goes on a bit about them?

[Literally me No.23247952]

>>23247937
I do not want to provide escapism for readers. This is only a couple paragraphs anyways, not even half the first chapter. If you want immediate gratification and to be spoonfed, there's a Mormon author I can recommend.

What I want to sell is what I want to sell. And it clearly sells to a certain person, given the individual who was defending the text earlier.

[Anonymous No.23247955]

>>23247952
>This is only a couple paragraphs anyways
This is your opener. It needs to be strong. And don't listen to you dipship clown friend who says retarded shit like
>So what is the solution? There's none
of course there's a solution. you can change up the chapter however you feel. obviously you're set with what you're set with and you posted simply to get attaboys and not to get critique, but I'd suggest tossing it in front of someone else who you may actually be inclined to listen to.

[Anonymous No.23247964]

>>23247951
>>23247945
about to make food but will do my best to answer,

- (not entirely related, but) some authors work in drafts. you first draft can be all telling. it can be anything. essentially an outline. they might do 10+ drafts in the end (earlier ones taking longer)
- typically you want to establish the genre, and introduce your characters ASAP
- the holy grail is sharing your world very purposefully. in fact every line of text should be developing character or plot. doesnt always work like this though
- some readers love more worldbuilding, more/some 'telling'. but it's a tough sell early on. ideally it's to build to something. maybe show your reader early on that if you start talking about the world, it will surely pertain to what's about to take place.
- and re: 80%/20%, try to keep things moving, and drop tidbits as you go, as your character interacts and moves through said world (as you were suggesting)

hope any of that helps. me hungy

[Anonymous No.23248073]

I posted here last time in a different thread and received some very good feedback, which I really appreciated. I'm writing a short story about a hunter in a WW1-like setting in the mountains, and this is my introduction to that. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you. https://pastebin.com/tY7QjBZ0

[Anonymous No.23248114]

>>23248073
it's pretty good, a couple words do seem redundant in the context of the sentences they are in. the narrative tone feels very personal, not something I typically enjoy but that's just my personal taste. as a whole I like it, though I'm not sure how much my opinion is worth as I do not write stories.

[Anonymous No.23248120]

>It's another agent has rejected your query episode
I'm so tired

[Anonymous No.23248209]

>>23247699
Either post your work or kys. Getting sick and tired of whining faggots complaining like they have some incurable disease. The writing itself will tell you how to improve it, either post it or gtfo.

[Anonymous No.23248229]

>>23248073
https://youtu.be/xpVEyxlIDcs?t=885

[Anonymous No.23248376]

>>23247955
>still calling me a clown
>doesn't know what an infodump is

[Anonymous No.23248483]

>>23240668
To those anons who have published poetry and short stories in lit mags:

how did you do it? It's so difficult finding a magazine that's a right fit for a certain story. complete pain in the ass. It's one thing writing a good story, and it's another, more difficult thing getting your stuff out there. It's tough to balance this shit mang

[Anonymous No.23248612]

>>23247530
It sounds like you have a mission anon and know what you must use your pen for. Pen, not penis. Keep it focused.

[Anonymous No.23248653]

Writer's block is fucking killing me. I never had it this bad before. I have the passion for writing back again and I can't write anything. Decided to try and write a small story about a person returing home from military training just to grease the gears and it's painful.
>Stefan arrived home from his military service late one May night. He emerged from the dark forest path east of the village with heavy eyes, his sabre rattling in its tired old scabbard helped keep him awake. Exiting the forest he climbed the path to the hill overlooking his home: the village of Glogny. The stars glittering in the sky shared his eyeline with the faint glow of lamps in the surrounding valley. He waited at the apex of the hill and relished in the happiness of returning home before continuing on. His horse, knowing where he was, began to snort and speed up slightly, knowing food was to come once he reached his destination. The final push consisted of a slight trot down into the valley and the smells of home meeting him one by one, even the smell of cow dung was a welcome change to the stinging miasma of human waste and stagnant water sitting around which he had endured for several months.
Complete and utter dogshit, it should be longer, the prose is awful, the vocabularly is poor etc. I could go on and worse of all I stopped because I can't even think of a way to write him simply reaching his actual house. I can't concieve anything beyond something so plain and boring as "he rode onwards through the calm, spring night, his fingers trembling with excitement at the prospect of reaching his bed and awaking in the serenity of his home." I can't even connect this sentence to him actually arriving at his home and putting his horse into the stable etc. because I have no idea what would be done and making it innacurate is pointless. I may have snapped.

[Anonymous No.23248665]

>>23248483
You just have to get one published, or win one contest, no matter how modest or obscure. That may well mean writing to the guidelines of the magazine or contest, looking at past winners and trying to submit something similar. These things snowball and compound. Once you can say you were published in so-and-so, you're much more likely to get eyeballs on your work, because it's external proof that you have at least have some chops. Some of the more reputable places get hundreds to thousands of submissions, and invariably the ones that get published are one's that have been published before, because those are the ones that aren't immediately dismissed.

[Anonymous No.23248678]

>>23248665
Very good advice. Perhaps my next goal should be directly aimed at certain publications.

Plus contests are so hard man. They beat you down. Beyond just writing a good story, the judges tastes must align with the story's themes/setting and that the organization adjudicating the contest is comfortable publicizing your story, that it fits with their legitimacy and "agenda". It's honestly all luck man.

Fuck this life

[Anonymous No.23248687]

>>23248653
You wrote a resolution with no build up to it, or an introduction that leads nowhere and presents little of interest.
>The way to Glogny appeared much the same, the little village he knew inside and out and had only left a scant handful of long months ago. Stefan twisted his feet in the stirrups and thought of Ysmilda, wondering if she still fancied him, if she would have him now that he had taken the coin and made some small name for himself outside their little world. He wanted to tell Grigor about his time in the barracks and the City over the bottle of perketswa he bought for his return. Papa would be proud, the letter from the priest and his hard work allowed him to make rank.
It's not how you write about nothing, it's that you write about something that can go very, very wrong.

[Anonymous No.23248725]

>>23248687
I know the problems, but I'm stuck not able to actually fix them. It's rage inducing knowing what's wrong but for some reason not being able to actually fix it for some reason. What you wrote out is nice, adds some character, sets things up yet I know for a fact if I wrote it I would convince myself it was fluff/filler and delete it. Everything feels awkward.

[Anonymous No.23248758]

>>23248725
It sounds like you're not tapping into how you feel and what the scene represents to you, or can represent to you. I was merely thinking in terms of building tension counter to the pleasant opening that can be dissolved or built upon, which gives it real weight instead of unearned melodrama. You have to look at it and write without judgement until you get to the point where you know what drives you, then you edit out all the other shit. That takes pages and pages before you get there.

I'm stuck on a different stage right now, where I have a strong theme and some characters but don't know how to put them together to make my point. I'll write something but not feel it, which means I'm off the mark. It can't be forced.

[Anonymous No.23248762]

>>23248653
You're probably expecting too much from a first draft. Think of a painter working on a landscape. Do they just start from one corner, rendering the final image as they go like some kind of human printer? Of course not, they lay down large, basic shapes and then iteratively refine them. And that's if they're working from a reference. If it's from imagination, they'll spend a lot of time away from the canvas, sketching out the image in pencil or chalk, trying different angles, maybe gathering reference material they might use, before they ever reach for paint.

Do they look at these sketches and think "this is dogshit"? Sure, but they are usually never at a loss, because they know that they are still in the process of conceiving, and because experience will tell them how to address their deficiencies, what to change for the next sketch.

You should also recognize the difference between practice and performance. Practice should always be a slave to its goals, it should be judged only by the extent to which the goal was achieved. You practice to keep your faculties ready and sharp, as well as to improve them. This means you have to do it regularly, even if you have to force yourself, and that you have to occasionally sweat to test your limits.

Performance, in contrast, should never be forced. Performance begins when you're touched by some music which drives you to the finish line despite all pedestrian carps. It's life on the wire, the rest is just waiting. And while you wait, you practice.

What you're doing here seems like practice, but you're treating it as performance. That's a sure recipe for misery. You would do better to figure out some clear goal for this exercise. For example, you could study a similar passage or scene from a published work (the return of the soldier is a trope as old as Homer, so I'll doubt you'll have trouble finding examples) or even from real life, and try to imitate some aspect of it. Then compare yours to the original and see if the imitation holds up. If not, try again. Try with a different passage or different aspect. If you put in an hour each day doing this, I can practically guarantee you that within a month, you'll be touched that music and then you set aside your scales and begin composing.

>>23248678
There is admittedly some pandering and compromise. Posing it to yourself as a challenge rather than a chore makes a bit more palatable. But you'll never get the chance to be uncompromising and visionary if you don't first play the game. It's only when the publishers know you can successfully play by the rules that they trust you enough to let you break them.

[Anonymous No.23249005]

What do you think about a structure of a novel written with POVs that appear like they are random characters in a eandom order? I will use main characters as POVs, but most will be single use before they die or become irrelevant.

[Anonymous No.23249016]

>>23249005
i am not suicidal, but before i even finished reading your post i wanted to kill myself.

maybe you can make it work

[Anonymous No.23249043]

>>23248376
>wears a rainbow wig, big red ball nose and oversized shoes
>why are you calling me a clown? huh? huh????

[Anonymous No.23249167]

>>23248762
>But you'll never get the chance to be uncompromising and visionary if you don't first play the game.
Truer words, anon. I’m very early into taking my writing seriously and I genuinely thought I could start off with my wild rule-breaking stories. Guess I gotta play the long game and still keep that spark of wild shit inside me. Cheers anon. It’s nice to hear someone verbalize things that’ve been floating around in the head

[Anonymous No.23249184]

>>23249167
Publishing literary fiction is a long game, where publishers bet on whether a writer will 1. be great and 2. achieve some success, at some point in the future. In the now, they're looking for whether the writer is able to write something intended for an audience, with some longevity as well as immediate appeal. I don't think that you can reliably write for 10 or 20 years from now, but you can write something that isn't entirely a product to be consumed and discarded.

[Anonymous No.23249239]

i have learned that becoming a great writer is practically unobtainable for most.

[Anonymous No.23249273]

>>23249184
>I don't think that you can reliably write for 10 or 20 years from now, but you can write something that isn't entirely a product to be consumed and discarded.
Mind elaborating please

[Anonymous No.23249377]

I would post my writings here but I don't write in English

[Anonymous No.23249378]

>Please ensure your first 500 words compel the reader to want to go further.
https://youtu.be/4zwHCx54mIM?si=HwCD40I2eQW8zKSG

[Anonymous No.23249383]

>>23249239
Most? Don't be generous. The overwhelming majority of people will never be great writers.
Me, on the other hand...

[Anonymous No.23249385]

>>23249377
Post it anyway, surely someone here knows your obscure moonspeak

[Anonymous No.23249400]

>>23249005
This poster hasn't read Dracula

[Anonymous No.23249405]

>>23249273
Pop fiction is a product that keeps publishers afloat and subsidizing the slow boat of works that sell for 50 years or more. All those 'memoirs' of the early 2000s that died when it came out that Oprah got scammed by a sad story and a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. Anything based in current year idpol agitprop. Stories that are fashionable and entertaining but are empty, with nothing to chew on. Misery porn du jour. Stuff you aren't reasonably going to read again unless you're really bored.

If you're trying to write that, for the now, or appeal to some unknown trend in the future, you've already failed and it comes off as dated and hackneyed as an 80s stand up routine. Where you move into something that doesn't yield everything at first blush like some cheap slut, that's where fiction becomes literary.

[Anonymous No.23249410]

>>23249385
I would rather translate it to English and post it, when I said I don't write in English, that was actually a lie , I write some parts in it because some sentiments are more easily expressed with this language, as of late though, I've been trying to read more books in my native tongue because of the fact that I can't seem to absorb the words as easily as I do in my Language.
In translating it to English I'm afraid that the whole "feel" of the prose might be lost or corrupted.

[Anonymous No.23249419]

>Digressions
>More than a quarter of the novel—by one count 955 of 2,783 pages—is devoted to essays that argue a moral point or display Hugo's encyclopedic knowledge but do not advance the plot, nor even a subplot...
>Hugo devotes another 19 chapters (Volume II, Book I) to an account of—and a meditation on the place in history of—the Battle of Waterloo, the battlefield which Hugo visited in 1861 and where he finished writing the novel. It opens volume 2 with such a change of subject as to seem the beginning of an entirely different work.
How would you reply if Hugo was a /wg/ user and he posted Les Mis?

[Anonymous No.23249437]

>>23249410
Based on this post alone I don't think your English is up to snuff. Post in your native tongue. If you're French I can read it and if you're German I can try to read it

[Anonymous No.23249443]

>>23249400
I read halfway. That's not the structure I was talking about. Dracula has how many story lines? Five? I'm planning for 10-20, changing third person POV every chapter.

[Anonymous No.23249448]

>>23249443
>dude I have a bigger number than Dracula
dude you're totally gonna write kino

[Anonymous No.23249455]

>>23249437
>I don't think your English is up to snuff.
Really? Where did I mess up?

[Anonymous No.23249472]

>>23249455
>I'd rather translate it into English and then post it. I actually lied when I said I don't write in English. I write parts in it because some sentiments are more easily expressed in this language. But recently I've been trying to read more books in my native tongue because I can't seem to absorb English words as easily as I can in my language.
>In translating it into English, I'm afraid that the whole "feel" of the prose might be lost or corrupted.

[Anonymous No.23249475]

>>23249419
I'd call it maximalist drivel and tell him to use funny footnotes

[Anonymous No.23249483]

This is the ideal prose. You might not like it, but this is what peak literary talent looks like.

[Anonymous No.23249493]

>>23249472
Oh damn, I really messed up.

[Anonymous No.23249497]

>>23249493
The only way you'll get better at output is more input. You'll find English easier to absorb the more of it you absorb.

[Anonymous No.23249540]

>>23249497
English comes almost second nature to me, I've been reading and hearing it my whole life. Looking back at that post, I made a lot of stupid grammatical errors, the worst part is that I didn't notice until you pointed them out, I guess my brain gets distracted very easily.

[Anonymous No.23249583]

I am ESL but want to write a web novel (write in my language then basically translate it into English using some online service).
Is it feasible?

[Anonymous No.23249624]

>>23249483
True enough

[Anonymous No.23249728]

>>23249583
Honestly since web novel prose standards are very low and also AI is becoming increasingly good at translation, yeah, I'd say it's feasible.
One of the most popular serials "Mother of Learning" was written by an ESL iirc
Would want a native English beta reader or even editor, though, to catch the hiccups

[Anonymous No.23249736]

>>23249540
Do you write run-on sentences in your native language, too?

[Anonymous No.23249742]

>>23249583
Feasible? Of course. But will the results be any good? Certainly not.

[Anonymous No.23249745]

>>23249742
He said web novel, I don't think 'good' is an implied requirement. Only serviceable

[Anonymous No.23249751]

>dude I'm making a (insert anything here) so I don't have to bother making it any good!
This is how hacks think

[Anonymous No.23249774]

>>23249583
Most web novel authors are ESL and their works unintelligible, but they still somehow get popular and rich

[Anonymous No.23249776]

>>23249751
>it doesn't have to be good
No, I said the prose doesn't have to be good, since it's a web novel, and that's a true statement. Like 1% of web novel readers care at all about sentence level structure besides that it reads semi okay. But the story itself has to be good (at shoving dopamine into the brain, etc).
Retard

[Anonymous No.23249782]

>>23249774
>most web novel authors are ESL
source: i made it the fuck up

[Anonymous No.23249783]

>>23249774
>but they still somehow get popular and rich
1% of them make any money at all and now the market is flooded.

[Anonymous No.23249787]

>>23249783
>1% of people succeed in an artistic field
wait, when did that start happening???

[Anonymous No.23249808]

>>23249736
Not all languages have a taboo on the comma splice. I know French permits it.

Plus, chill out. No need to act snarky.

[Anonymous No.23249812]

>>23249787
You make more spending that time being a wagie, wagie.

[Anonymous No.23249820]

>>23249776
>dude people won't even care lmao

[Anonymous No.23249823]

>>23249812
cool, but I don't care about money, go back to slaving away for your boss's next car you corporate whore

[Anonymous No.23249825]

>>23249808
But English does have such a taboo.
Write better and I won't have to be so snarky.

[Anonymous No.23249826]

>>23249736
Maybe to a lesser extent than I do in English. My language is more liberal in that regard.

[Anonymous No.23249832]

>>23249820
Have you clicked on Royal Road's trending web novels? Lol. Prose standards literally don't matter for web novels, why are you contesting that point? Just to be an annoying contrarian? Or do you think the prose on RR is good? Which would be even more of a yikes

[Anonymous No.23249835]

>>23249832
What are you contesting? Yeah, there are plenty of hacks out there. Does that make it okay for you to be one of them?

[Anonymous No.23249840]

>>23249823
I'm just confused. You're not doing it to write something of worth, and you're not doing it for money. So, what? Begging for attention on the internet like a bitch?

[Anonymous No.23249845]

>>23249835
You're gonna have to define hack for me if you actually want to have this discussion, but I don't think you're a hack if you set aside polishing your prose to instead focus on output and enjoyability like all the other popular web novel authors do. It's the reality of the situation. You can't write 14k words a week and not have an editor while having good prose

[Anonymous No.23249848]

>>23249840
Writing something with the purpose to entertain, it's not that complicated. How is a supposed writer so small minded that he can't understand why someone would want to do that

[Anonymous No.23249850]

>>23249848
An adult entertaining kids like that is pretty creepy.

[Anonymous No.23249856]

>>23249850
Sadly the average web novel/litrpg/cultivation reader is almost certainly in their 20s and 30s, dorky IT professionals and software nerds, not Zoomies
But yes write a stupid comment instead of engaging in the discussion you clearly demonstrated yourself as a retard in. Classic 4channer behavior

[Anonymous No.23249871]

>>23249856
That's even worse. The more people talk about this shit, the more it sounds like cancer. And zoomers are almost 30 right now.

[Anonymous No.23249877]

>>23249742
This >>23249745

[Anonymous No.23249879]

>>23249871
Never said it was something admirable
You sound like a giant retard who can't understand anything outside his own worldview desu. Great omen for your career in literary fiction lmao

[Anonymous No.23249885]

>>23249879
I write mostly fantasy, just not that kind.

[Anonymous No.23249890]

>>23249885
So you write trash just not -that- trash
you're painting a funnier picture with every message. Lemme get your next one

[Anonymous No.23249906]

Write whatever you want, you don't have to listen to snobs who will never publish a single word in their entire lives.

[Anonymous No.23249921]

[Anonymous No.23249924]

>>23249921
Caring only about money has to be a sad existence

[Anonymous No.23249949]

>>23249845
>One who undertakes unpleasant or distasteful tasks for money or reward; a hireling.
>A writer hired to produce routine or commercial writing.

[Anonymous No.23249958]

>>23249949
Okay so then neither of your definitions fit; I'm not a hack. I just like writing entertaining stuff and don't care that much about prose quality and put my efforts in other parts of the story

[Anonymous No.23249960]

>I can't write good prose but at least I can put together a story!
Wrong

[Anonymous No.23249977]

>>23249960
>t. someone without readers, speaking to someone with readers

[Anonymous No.23249994]

>>23249977
>hack finds success
many such cases. sad!

[Anonymous No.23249995]

>>23249994
>t. gets btfo, resorts to insults

[Anonymous No.23249996]

>>23249958
>"I just like writing slop and making this already oversaturated market even more oversaturated by putting out garbage like everyone else"

[Anonymous No.23250001]

>>23249996
Correct, what's your point? Irrelevant to the discussion at hand

[Anonymous No.23250002]

>>23249995
>shut up! I'm more popular than you!
I sure feel BTFO'd

[Anonymous No.23250007]

>>23250001
it means you fit the definition of a hack

[Anonymous No.23250008]

>>23250001
>undertakes distasteful task (writing crap) for money/recognition
Textbook hack

[Anonymous No.23250016]

>>23250008
Feel like it has to be distasteful to the author himself, and it isn't to me, I like doing it
Also don't do it for money or recognition, just enjoy it
But keep seething pseuds, you can't stand a based sloplord in his purest form
(Sorry, just got a ping from my author discord and a audio book deal, brb)

[Anonymous No.23250017]

>>23250007
Not according to how anon defined it, are you even reading the conversation? Embarrassing

[Anonymous No.23250019]

>>23250016
You said "correct" to "putting out garbage." You're lying when you say you don't find your own work distasteful.

[Anonymous No.23250022]

>>23250002
Seething like you are is undeniable proof that you got BTFO, btw

[Anonymous No.23250024]

>>23250019
Nah I just know it isn't highbrow and doesn't have literary merit, I wouldn't actually call it garbage, it entertains my readers and also me when I write it. So it's successful in all ways I care about. I said "correct" because it's garbage by your definition (low merit)

[Anonymous No.23250026]

>>23250022
If you used your imagination to write better and not to imagine me seething you might not be a back

[Anonymous No.23250030]

>>23250026
>t. someone with no readers to someone with readers

[Anonymous No.23250033]

>>23250024
You reek of insecurity. Note that you haven't actually posted any of your work so I don't actually know if it's garbage or not. But something inside you tells you it's garbage and it's seeping into the subtext of your posts.

[Anonymous No.23250041]

>>23250030
>copy/pastes
Peak hack creativity

[Anonymous No.23250043]

>>23250024
sounds like youre trying to find obtuse ways to not call yourself a hack. you write garbage and are successful for it, congrats, you jingled keys in front of babies. this discussion wouldve ended earlier if you just owned it

[Anonymous No.23250047]

>>23250033
>I sure bet those grapes are really sour

[Anonymous No.23250052]

>>23250033
Calling me insecure when I'm obviously aware that I'm putting out slop is really funny. You've gotta be projecting or jealous or something

[Anonymous No.23250053]

>>23250047
How's that fable relevant? I didn't call your grapes sour, I admitted that I have no idea how they taste. You're just giving off the impression that they are, indeed, sour.

[Anonymous No.23250058]

>>23240668
I finished a 160 page A5 book yesternight and exposed it today. Work's good man.

[Anonymous No.23250060]

>>23250052
slop = garbage.
You have no respect for your own work. Ergo, it probably sucks and you should feel bad for writing it.

[Anonymous No.23250061]

>>23250043
Pretty sure it's just coming down to a weird semantics argument, and in that case I'm literally correct, a hack is someone paid to create rushed high-selling work, and I write slop for the fun of it, so I'm literally not a hack
What part of this don't you retard get? Pseuds are so funny

[Anonymous No.23250066]

Has anything positive ever come out of this place? Visiting these threads seems like a good way to lose all your drive to write.

[Anonymous No.23250069]

>>23250060
I respect my work because people like it. Hence it's not garbage to me. At the same time it's also garbage, because the quality is low, as I've said a hundred times
You morons really can't be argued with lmao. Just admit you're seething because no one reads your work. Look how many pseuds are absolutely fuming rn

[Anonymous No.23250073]

>>23250066
If something as petty as anonymous basket-weaving forum posts make you lose your drive to write that's just natural selection at work

[Anonymous No.23250074]

>>23250066
Yeah, this general is my 'I finished works' blog.

[Anonymous No.23250076]

>>23250066
This thread is genuinely only for shitposting, beginners, and failures. No one accomplished (in any aisle of writing) posts seriously here

[Anonymous No.23250080]

>>23250053
>I haven't seen your work
>but I'm sure it's bad
not only are you a seething midwit, you also don't write. typical

[Anonymous No.23250083]

>>23250080
>>but I'm sure it's bad
based words-in-mouth putter

[Anonymous No.23250087]

>>23250061
>technically im not hired
sounds like youre baiting at this point because you have 5 readers commenting "thanks for the chapter" whenever you rush something out. slop writers are so disingenuous

[Anonymous No.23250088]

>>23250083
slimy as a kike to boot. I'm glad the only writing you do is venting spleen on 4chins

[Anonymous No.23250090]

Can I get some deeper psychological context on why it's always pseuds losing their minds when a slop lord posts and never the other way around?

[Anonymous No.23250094]

>>23250088
>cries out in pain while he strikes
Quote me where I said "I'm sure it's bad"

[Anonymous No.23250096]

>>23250087
So you're really doubling down on the whole semantics thing, huh?

[Anonymous No.23250102]

>>23250090
It's because pseuds are respectable and thus have nothing to be insulted with

[Anonymous No.23250108]

>>23250090
Hurt people hurt people

[Anonymous No.23250114]

>>23250090
>it's garbage
>the quality is low
Do you not feel any level of shame writing shit like this?

[Anonymous No.23250115]

>>23250090
writers who dont put effort into making something great dont deserve sucess and only further propagate media's hard decline. theres a reason no one reads or wants to read

[Anonymous No.23250118]

>>23249405
Yer a smart feller anon. You got shit published anywhere? Post your good shit, I know you got em hiding somewhere

[Anonymous No.23250119]

>>23250114
for>>23250069

[Anonymous No.23250120]

>>23250114
No because it's fun to write and people like reading it, how many times do I have to say that? You guys are slow learners huh

[Anonymous No.23250124]

>>23250094
like I said, slimy as a kike. you said
>I don't actually know if it's garbage or not. But something inside you tells you it's garbage and
which is you being a passive aggressive bitch and saying you think it's garbage.

[Anonymous No.23250127]

>>23250124
I'm only inferring that it's garbage

[Anonymous No.23250129]

>>23250127
right, you're being a passive aggressive bitch

[Anonymous No.23250135]

Thread zooms when the genre/litfic war once again breaks out. This thread is so shit. I honestly despise both sides of this argument, just write what you want and stfu

[Anonymous No.23250154]

>he only does one genre

[Anonymous No.23250160]

>>23250090
Because every pseud in this thread is an unsuccessful "writer" (who doesn't actually write) and needs to vent their impotent frustration somewhere, inevitably targeting the based genre chads who have cars, women, readers, and write 20k words a week minimum
I've also heard they have small penises, but I try not to spread unsubstantiated rumors, so consider that hearsay only

[Anonymous No.23250163]

>>23250090
Narcissists that think they should be the Next Big Thing mad that no one wants to read their boring fart huffing

[Anonymous No.23250171]

>>23250135
because letting people do what they want has always ended up good right? youre the worst, and im not a psued for wanting quality and effort out of what i read

[Anonymous No.23250174]

>>23250171
there one is! is it true what they say about your penis size?

[Anonymous No.23250212]

>>23250171
Okay so don't read the shit books and only read the good ones. Why do you need to whine about slop. I don't even read slop but I don't get why you people are so annoying about it

[Anonymous No.23250248]

>>23250212
you just dont fucking get it

[Anonymous No.23250257]

>>23250248
you sound like an incel upset by how society has, does, and will always work. of course slop is popular with the masses. distinguished work is for the distinguished to consume. being mad that slop exists is so fucking silly it makes me think less of you as a person (and you are certainly not that in that 'distinguished' class if you fail to realize something so basic)

[Anonymous No.23250263]

whoever makes the next thread can you include a cute anime girl for the op thanks

[Anonymous No.23250459]

>>23242585
>Bad
surveiled
Good
I burned a Newport over bare feet sinking into muddy grass, porch in effect
>why
passing/circling
>good
Two deep gashes running an abbreviated secant through the cloverleaf, a skidding end twenty yards from my bedroom window, intersected by swooped-in treaded tracks of tow truck and police cruiser. Like a rabbit trail in the snow, ended by some bird of prey. The situation had emerged and resolved itself some time unnoticed in the night.
>good
Litter lined the highway like seafoam and driftwood, gathered at this catching-point as if there were a current dragging it along the veerless miles of eastbound asphalt.

[Anonymous No.23250499]

>>23250135
Literary fiction is just the drama genre.

[Anonymous No.23250537]

Written on my break at work in a journal, and only just now transcribed. Lolita and Wuthering Heights are fresh on my mind as inspirations for prose, so I wanted to practice a bit.

[Anonymous No.23250546]

>>23250537
its gptcore
jiggle it up a little

[Anonymous No.23250550]

I don't know how to write an adult
So ill make the protagonist a kid
I don't know how to write dialogue and relationships
So ill make him a loner

Now what

[Anonymous No.23250590]

>>23250550
isekai your protag
but like a good isekai, like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, or Spirited Away
and you'll learn how to do all those things alongside your protag, and at the end of the journey your protag returns to the real world better off for the journey

[Anonymous No.23250613]

>>23250550
Now you stop underestimating your own potential

[Anonymous No.23250616]

1-9 and I write
0 and I play more Elden Ring

[Anonymous No.23250749]

>>23250537
I'd recommend moving the contents of the 3rd and 5th paragraphs elsewhere. In the 3rd paragraph you go on a tangent right before talking about the woman who was the focus of the 2nd and 4th paragraphs, thus breaking the flow. In the 5th paragraph you're somewhat anticipating what the 6th paragraph is about but you do it in one sentence, it's somewhat redundant and not worth the paragraph.
I assume this is because you wrote this loosely at work and haven't edited it? Then again I don't recall if Lolita was written like this.

[Anonymous No.23250819]

>>23250749
Yes, it was very free-flow, I agree it doesn’t stay as focused as it should. Thank you for the suggestions

[Anonymous No.23250829]

>>23250590
NTA. I once wrote an "Isekai" concept where the MC is just revived as an undead cyborg and tries to survive an industrial nightmare world by shooting shit

[Anonymous No.23250997]

>>23247699
if you're so awful at the basic mechanics of fiction writing, and you have no apparent inclination to learn and practice them, then why don't you take up a different hobby?

[Anonymous No.23251008]

>>23247952
>waah waah i don't want to learn the basics of fiction writing
>i will double down on my flaws and stand my ground
>i don't come here to learn to do better, i come here to demand you bask in my awesomeness and offer to fellate me
ngmi

[Anonymous No.23251009]

>>23250118
Nah not published, I just pay attention to the trends and try to understand why I like to read what I like to read. I was honestly talking about perennial genre fiction as much as Big Lit. I'm working on something but it's far from ready. I only started writing again in the past few months and can't quite figure out how I want to approach a project or what I want from it. I caught myself trying to appeal to an imagined audience and starting to write the kind of novel I don't care for instead of making something I care about good enough for a real audience.

I'm probably going to end up with a few good short stories from the failed attempts, so it wasn't all a waste, but none of those are fully cooked either.

[Anonymous No.23251098]

>>23248762

[Anonymous No.23251128]

>>23249005
you mean like james joyce?

[Anonymous No.23251718]

I have a hankering to write something that puts certain convictions of mine together to have them play out against or together. Can someone give me some recommended reading that go along these lines (not necessarily all of them, of course):
>the lone wolf dies, the pack survives
>the blade is the law made manifest
>if you dont, nobody will
>the greatest inspiration is a deed done

[Anonymous No.23251735]

>>23249583
You could look at the story "The Runesmith" and see that either the writer is ESL, which I believe, or they just make typos and fail to notice them in editing, assuming they edit.
This guy makes 5 grand a month.

[Anonymous No.23251746]

I've given feedback and advice to dozens of anons in these thread since the start and the one time I post something, I don't get a single (you). I'm done with you anime troons, have a nice rest of the life

[Anonymous No.23251767]

>>23250154
So far I've done fantasy, horror, and a children's fantasy story. The story that is not finished is a mystery thriller with a fantastical element, but I wouldn't call it fantasy.

[Anonymous No.23251768]

>>23251746
Sorry anon. I will give you thoughtful feedback, I promise. Tell me your post, tell me your goals for the project, and tell me the kind of feedback you're looking for, if you're looking for anything specific.

Just put it on the new /wg/ and I'll do it

[Anonymous No.23251781]

>>23251746
>>23251768
I recognize these words.

[Anonymous No.23251790]

>>23251781
What does that mean?