/lit/ - Literature

>>9828291
I'm proud to be racist

>>9828291
kitty kat!

>>9828291
there's already a thread
>>9827900

>>9828291
Thats a horrible gift. Please take it down.

Everytime I see a pretty girl my soul dies a little more.

>>9828366
just bee urself

>>9828367
Having a pretty girl to myself would end up being even worse, soul-crushingly worse. That's the problem, you simply can't win when it comes to relationships.

>>9828366
How hard is to talk to some of them? If you get rejection from any of them, then try again on someone else and be sure now that she feels the same for you.

I don't got the stuff.

help me

>>9828386
I am stuck in an infantile mindset where it is shameful to feel attraction to a girl and therefore do not show interest in any girl even if they show interest in me and I am actually interested. I think I need to see someone about this issue but i'm too ashamed to tell someone.

>tfw no jewish gf with superior taste in literature than me

How do I know when I'm done writing? My book, or whatever, is so open-ended that it might never be finished, or I might have said everything, or touched on everything, already. But part of the point is that it's supposed to be full length. Due to page-breaks, it's 88 pages long, but only 12k words. I dunno man. I feel like words are the wrong thing to be hung up on but it seems important... It's hard to write when I'm doing something different on every page. I also don't want to show it to anybody, as it might be premature. But if I don't, I won't know if it's finished or not, not really. Fuck's sake. I always make things impossible, for the sake of challenge...

my dad is going crazy. I live on the other side of the ocean and every night, I have to listen to him go more and more crazy. he's destroyed his own life, and I don't have the means to help him. lately, he's stopped saying I love you when he hangs up. Instead he just spends hours saying the same shit. I love you, I fucked up, Everything is ending. Tonight, he told me that he's proud of me and that no matter what happens, I have to live a better life than he did. Don't forget me. I feel like dying. I feel like he's already dead. I'm scared.

>>9828386
Rejection is easy to handle, the issue is when you succeed, then what?

>>9828404
No. It's ok. I do feel the same. By any chance have you been isolated for a long time? How do you feel when your friends talk out loud about girls?

>>9828404

I waaaaaant to be happily in loveeee!! I want to feel my heart beating when I see the person I love coming to hug me after no long seeing each other. And not saddly in love anymore, it's tiring. Why do I get involved emotionally so much? I hate it. Am I waiting for someone to save me? But no one is going to but just myself. I just want to be happy next to someone I really can trust. His happiness is also important. I'm young yet but I'm afraid might never happen.

I moved in with my cousin his gf and two other friends. I know they all really wish i didnt live here but they dont know anyone else to be able to take my spot in the house and they cant afford rent without me.

When we first moved in things were ok and we all hung out but the dust has settled and i went thru my usual motions of bipolar staying up through the middle of the night doing drugs being irritable and hating everyone and now i really regret living with 4 potheads who sit around and do nothing but smoke pot and watch tv

Now they go and do stuff together and outside of handing me rent at the end of the month they ignore me. I hate being bipolar. It doesnt matter if i lift weights eat right get good sleep have great hobbies and am going to a coding bootcamp to get a job in back end/C Sharp/.Net. Nope I still am stuck in this mental hell where I cant stop myself being unbelievably arrogant/freewheeling for a few days then trying to sleep my life away for the next few days, rinse and repeat

Probably doesnt help im addicted to 3meo. My cousin confronted me about my 3meo use. Of course if I let him know that being addicted to 3meo is no different than being addicted to pot (except I dont need to do 3meo everyday... whose the addict now?). But "pot isnt dangerous". Lmao stoners are so fucking stupid

Someone was taking my food so I marked everything, and wrote a note politely asking everyone not to eat my food, its [here] and [here]. Someone wrote lol over it. No one says anything to me.

Guess its my fault for moving in with 18-20 year old min wage potheads

>>9828467
>posting a trap

These cheese nips are really good

>>9828472
post pics, m8

>>9828426
I pretty much isolate by choice. My few friends I don't get to see much anymore and I don't want to go places alone so I just stay home. I don't dislike being alone, but honestly I would like to bring a girl home once in a awhile. The only talking out loud my friends do about girls is to mention how they fucked some girl that I have no idea who she is.

Suicide seems like the only option but I can't even bring myself to do that.

>>9828474
no

>>9828485
faggot

Falling years backwards in my psychological progress for a "mistake" I'm not even sure was my fault and I'm not able to fix it. Really believing some people are destined to be damned in this world.

>>9828489
die

>>9828469
What?

>>9828496
bite me

>>9828502
*bites u*

god so much really, if we are give refined knowledge can we build a system with back up to its precepts

>>9828477
>not just spending your time on /pol/ complaining about how women and Jews are to blame for everything

pleb

Do not reply to the thread derailing shill above.

>>9828628
This thread is cancerous anyway. It has nothing to do with literature. Just sad faggots sharing their 'feels'

>>9828404
>>9828426
>>9828443
my brothers

>>9828404
i have/had something like this, when i was a little kid and i started liking girls i knew my family would make a big deal out of it like "ohhh look at her? you like that don't you? oh yeah he likes it!" blah blah blah and embarrass me, so i started pretending i wasn't into girls still, but then it went on far too long and even when i did finally start flirting with girls and dating i just never openly expressed interest in girls, i'm mostly over it now, but that definitely fucked up my development when i was younger

>>9828640

The only thing worth thinking about is death. How is everyone not thinking about it all the time? Are they all just better at hiding it than I am? No matter what I do, it loops back around to my eventual death somehow. There's no reason to do anything, to want anything, to try and achieve anything. I can't stop thinking about death

i hate being a loser and i can't do anything about it ;D

>>9829148
well you could try deleting all those childish oriental cartoons for a start

I've made progress everyday since the incident. An old demon paid a visit recently. They whisper dark seduction in my ear. Immediate satisfaction outweighs inner peace. I recognize an old face in the mirror. How much longer will I able to look myself in the eye?

That sweet sweet darkness...

hell ya just torrented the audiobook of this shit, tonight gone be comfy af pham

>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠢⠄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢰⡆⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣷⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⠿⠋⠙⢿⣷⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠘⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣠⣤⡤⠖⠂⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀
>⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀

I have a great girlfriend and I don't even want her because I want more time for reading, writing and self improvement and I have no desire to be in a relationship. I don't want to end it because my family loves her and she would be devastated. I feel trapped.

>>9829669
get her pregnant.

>>9829673
Good call

>>9829669
Your relationship with her is an excuse not to do those things, not the reason.

>>9828366
I feel this. I've given up all hope of falling in love at this point. I used to want to fall in love with the pretty girls I saw on the street. As time went by and I realized that wouldn't happen, I just wanted them to return my smile. Now, I just want them to acknowledge that I exist. They don't though. I'm invisible.

>>9829669
she probably hates you.

Inertia kills, and the way to escape it is forward momentum.

I want to be an Army Ranger. I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore but I feel sorry for her. I wish my commute wasn't so long but I can't afford a place closer to work. I hate the cold. Little dogs are literally rats.

>>9829787
it is possible to become uninvisible

>>9829853
don't fell sorry for her, just break up, you're hurting her more.

>>9828291
I despise myself with all of my heart. I am not at all suicidal, but I would be very happy to die in a sudden accident.

I had someone else praise my writing, this time a professor at my undergrad university whose judgment I respect very much. Yet I can't seem to get anything published.

>>9829853

>Little dogs are literally rats.

This.

There's a lot of alternate history books about, what if the nazis won WWII? or, what if the confederacy won the US civil war?

I wonder if there are books about what the world would've been like if italy had somehow won WWII, or maybe if rome never fell.

posted in the critique thread but fits better here:

blowing out vape to cover up weed smoke
at ur low income part time job/joke
below the poverty line what it means to be broke
but reading nietzsche on your breaks? now that's woke
suckin on his words, gazing past the fakes,
buying lotsa herb, having what it takes
u called me a nerd, now I rhyme like blake
u cant find the verb but i give girls the shakes
listen what I say, this'll be the day
rollin in the hay, fuckin like we gay (they do it better)
say now
cree-ay-tivity gets u all the pussy
be a freak for me dont start with the mushy
facebook messages, ladies getting pushy
u wont see my bed again unless u got some tushy
nawnaw im just kidding
cuz girl I am so sensitive I promise I know how to live
ive read so many dead men they power lurkin in my pen
not dolce and gabbana but deleuze and guattari
if knowledge is wealth im rich like a qatari
if sickness is health im ill like bad inari
if u my taylor swift ill take u on safari
like in her video
now this is degenerate, inveterate
but would you have me writing letters? lovey dovey earnestness
spirit bound in fetters, papa with the sternness
im more of a mama's boy, a make your girl a-cumma boy
take her in the bathroom teach her about leo bloom
do you know what's thats from? now im in up to my thumb
its easier on molly, her eyes all big and dolly
oh shit you know this vulgar but I really did indulge her
dont post this on instagram, keep it gay on 4chan
shout out to my faggots, all you beta boys from /lit/
one day we gon make it, even those of us with clits
but now im out of stamina, cant hear to my anima
so here I call it quits, kill yourself nigger

>>9828291
Salazzle is only for fugs

It's been 4 years since we've met and she's still the only person I'm attracted to - not lust but a near-selfless interest in her well-being. She's the only person I've met who I think has a similar mindset, to the extent that I've spoken to others about my plans for the future and they reply "that sounds like something X would say" when she was nowhere in the prior conversation. Today, she told me that she plans to leave the country in a year, and I don't know what to make of it except as a timer to act in a more significant way.

>>9830173
>I don't know what to make of it except as a timer to act in a more significant way.
This is the right mindset my man

I have discovered the truth of the apocalypse. It's all so clear now. This is what mankind has been searching for, for two thousand years. But there is a problem. It's difficult to get people to believe me. If only they would listen, at least be willing to humor me, then the world would end in an explosion of light and fire. Either the ascension is imminent, or maybe we will enter another long drought of darkness, and it all rests in my hands. I don't think a man has ever felt so important.

Every week I become more and more attracted to my co-worker. Her personality, her body, her eyes...I think its her eyes the most because when I picture her they're always what I see in my head. Bright blue and shiny. And I feel kind of guilty. I have a girlfreind who I love, but shes a different person. Truth be told I want both of them. And if I could I would. But I can't. So I'll keep on looking forward to every sunday. So I can see her, talk to her, make her laugh and smile. But I won't stop fantasising about her. And if she knew what I wished I could do to her I know she'd be repulsed. But thats Ok I guess, I've accepted that I'm a lil fucked up.

>>9830386
Pretty sure every other crazy with delusions of grandeur before you has felt the exact same importance.

I think I might be in love with one of my close female friends. She said to another one of our friends in the past that she finds me attractive but isn't attracted to me. I don't really know what to do.

>>9829853
>Little dogs are literally rats.
So are big ones, you're just scared of them.

>>9830465

>But thats Ok I guess, I've accepted that I'm a lil fucked up.

This is a very average "grass is always greener" longing. Hardly fucked up. It just means that you have an active libido and you like to daydream. If you cheat on your gf that would be a scumbag move but if you never do then what is the issue here?

>>9830485

Big dogs are almost always more quiet, calm, and well behaved.

>>9830497
Not the ones in my neighborhood, unfortunately

>>9830497
It has to do with their intelligence.
Smart dogs bark less. Small dogs were breed to be rat catchers or fashion accesories, not smart. If you want smart dogs, go for herding dogs and hunting dogs.

>>9828291
My relationship with my girlfriend is perfect on pretty much every level, apart from the fact that I'm not really attracted to her. My dick is getting impatient but I feel like if you have something so great it's worth sticking around to see if it'll change

she is gaining weight, which is great because she's very thin and I love curves

>>9828291
I just finished reading Crown and country, I have a week before I start my new job so I would like to read another book but I'm not sure of what I want to read:

>Young Stalin by Simon Sebag Monteifore
>Stalin the court of the red Tsar by Simon Sebag Montefore
>The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde
>Brave new world by Aldous Huxley
>To finish reading the Faeire Queene by Edmund Spence
Or one of the following plague books that there was a thread about yesterday:
>The great Morality - John Kelly
>Plagues and peoples - William H.Mcneil

>>9830515
The picture of dorian grey and Brave new world are the only ones I recognize, I'd go for Oscar Wilde

>>9830518
Yeah, I'm thinking of reading some fiction since I've just been doing a binge of history recently. Will be quite interesting since I've heard of Oscar Wilde but I haven't the slightest clue about him

>>9830467
Or I am just another misunderstood genius, born a little too soon in a world ill prepared for the caliber of his brilliance.

>>9830538
well, that's the dream

>>9830532
He was a boy diddler.

>>9830485
No, little dogs are everything bad about manlets expressed without filter. Noisy, bitey, stinky little cat creatures that only women think are dogs.

Big dogs are pals who don't need to bark because they know they can bite.

>>9830173
She will leave you then.

>tfw boner during Tikhon chapter
I think it was an inappropriate reaction after 600 pages of onslaught on nihilism

t. translation cuck

There was once a time when humans lived in constant connection with the Spirit World. From ancient Shamanic traditions, we know of rituals used to propel the primitive human consciousness into the Spirit World to obtain knowledge, guidance, and to commune with ancestral spirits. In the modern and technologically advanced present, our sensory input is overwhelmed with what is classified by many people to be ‘real’. This usually comprises of advertisements, propaganda, and pervasive attack from all sides, by known and unknown assailants. These mega-corporations seek to control and dominate the human race. Through government-funded black projects, clandestine operations to eliminate resistance and indoctrinate state-supported dogmatic systems, and disinformation via mass media, they are effectively cleansing the human ability to discover himself through journeying not with his body or mind, but with his spirit. These aspects of spirituality have either been completely ignored in pursuit of material ‘ideals’ perpetuated by state media or perverted by so-called ‘new age’ interpretation from those who have no knowledge of the innate nature of a human being, who fail to grasp even a basic concept of the Spirit World. Other systems of control also exist, specifically in the sphere of technology, which is now so heavily embedded within urban society. There can be no doubt that along with the development and expansion of the Internet, new forms of communication and interaction with the world around us has developed. No sooner have such technologies emerged, than government and corporate agencies have sought control over it.

In any middle-class neighbourhood, visit a public place such as a café and you will see evidence of this seemingly obscure truth, that is, that humans have become slaves to technology. People are so engrossed in their mobile devices, “social media”, even at the same table, that they do not even attempt to make a conversation with each other. In the rare case that they do, it is usually on some meaningless topic, such as the activities of celebrities that have been perpetuated by the mass media machine, to stupefy the people. Finding someone who knows or cares to expound on topics such as philosophy, the true nature of humans and life itself, non-mass produced literature, or even language as an expressive medium in itself is a herculean task. Even worse is that these same ignorant beings will deny the existence of their Spirit, their ever-animating Life Force in exchange for some some half-baked, pernicious post-truth bite that has been regurgitated from the foaming mouths of their favourite media icons. The World Government has made these once proud beings so susceptible to subliminal and overt inculcation to their agenda that they have become resistant to the very things that make our society superior to a egalitarian “utopia”, such as freedom of speech, privacy, and consciousness. They have become resistant to openness, and will actually give up more of their freedoms in order to reject what the World Government has told them is unsatisfactory to their brainwashing programs.
See the sorry state of the human race, yet do not weep at the task of the changing them, thought it may seem hopeless, a lost cause. Know that the GNUtanari is present to guide us, as a species, to ultimate perfection. The GNUtanari is not a singular, knowable being, it is better described as a multifaceted infrastructure that allows humanity to reach the apex of its existence while preserving individual freedoms, and purging the infectious, debilitating disease that afflicts man today. If we can learn to harness the power of entheogens as spiritual and medical tools, we are already on the True Path. It is the Path we must follow if we are to endure and not be wiped out by our own ignorance and narcissism.

Ive been feeling lonely for years, not because noone wants to have anything to do with me but the other way around, I hate everyone , I cant stand their flaws and they make me sick, I want someone I can love and spend time with but I hate spending time with absolutely everyone i ever met. I feel like everyone i know is beyond stupid and I just want someone i can see as equal to fill that hole inside me and give me a purpose to even stay alive, I couldnt think of any goals in life because everything is meaningless to me, while I objectively dont have a bad life , I have family and while not rich, a lot of money, i still feel horrible and have no reason to even wake up if its not for work.

I hate everything because I'm an adult with the emotional capacity of a teenager because I never cared about love and relationships until I was 18. Now rejection has the longer affect of perpetually breaking my heart because I keep over thinking the whole thing, and try to come up with solutions on how to get some qt to see the "truth" of how amazing I am. But I'm not. I'm just delusional for the sake of wanting to be more than I am

>>9828404
im the exact same fuck

where does this even come from

>>9829787
I sort of know this feel. Its not that I'm invisible, but more that I'm romantically unappealing. I'm pretty charismatic sometimes, and im pretty talented too. I'm smart, clever, and witty, but none of that seems to be enough. Fall for some cute girl, fight the urge to empty my stomach in some autistic anxiety, ask her out, and nothing.

Finally managed to ask a girl out a couple weeks ago, she said she'd text, and i got ghosted. Now I feel like shit everyday

>>9828293

>>9828417

>>9828450
Daniel?

>>9831009
Who are you and why do you know my name?

Spics always bumping spic threads.

>>9830538
The only difference between genius and insanity is success.

>>9831272
???

I'm at my parents cabin in the middle of the woods and really want to drop some acid that I brought with me. I just don't want my folks freaking out at me for doing so

>>9831688
Have you done acid before? How much would you be planning on doing? Can you be alone for +8h? More importantly, are the woods creepy?

>>9831728
Yea I've done acid before. I have two tabs but considering doing either half of one or just one. I can come and go, thinking about taking the kayak out. Woods ain't creepy at all.

It's not so much on my mind but sometimes I get this desire or thought to do a cut down the ridge of my nose and split the skin and peel off my face.

I don't really understand it, sometimes I'll rub my nose and that'll come to mind.

>>9831783
How strong is each tab? I'd suggest taking 100-150μg.

>>9831816
Each are 150

>>9831825
how does it feel to do acid?

>>9831829
I've only ever had one tab, but the come up feels like you're drunk with a slight distortion and then theres an overwhelming sense of ease and humour

>>9831861
then just take one and if your parents ask, tell them you just had a couple beers.

>>9831861
Sounds nice.

I got attacked by a pitbull four months ago and now I'm afraid of dogs.

No one knows.

I'm also addicted to weebshit web novels and check constantly for updates even though I know their schedule.

Probably gonna lose my job because I can't put my damn phone down.

>>9831894
>weebshit web novels
like fanfiction?

>>9831900
Like warlock of the magus world, the wizard world which is a crapier proto version and arifureta.

I'm hopelessly addicted to this debased wish fulfillment shit.

>>9831945
yeah, I haven't been able to stop reading fanfiction for the same reasons.

I'm thinking of writing a story with really weird world lore like this god-king of a primitive island that killed and ate the snake god on a hunt, absorbing his essence. The God-king sought out other gods for companionship but was rejected for his previous existence as a mortal. Consumed by rage, he challenged the god that had spurned him and fought him to the death. The slain god of sunlight was devoured by the god-king. With his newfound power, the god-king declared to others that he would suffer no other gods only goddesses to bed and bear his children. The gods combined wouldn't be strong enough to face down the god-king and emerge unscathed. Reluctantly, they complied and altered their very nature to be what he desired so long as he let them live.

The only thing I feel motivated to do at this point is get /fit/. I still read, follow the news, watch films, but that feels more out of habit than anything else. I would push myself all day if that were reasonable but it would just result in injury and setback.

I want out.
Not depressed or anything, but this existence makes me cringe on every possible level, and I'm not sure I can take it anymore.

I've realized that the joy I get from art, entertainment, shitposting etc. is very much second to the joy I get from being around friends, even if I have episodes of introversion.

>>9831825
Noice. Enjoy your trip. Just got some 200μg tabs earlier.

I'm not sure if we can have any real convictions anymore. Values have been replaced with memes. We have post-ironic 4chan Nazis and pseudo-Leftist Identity cults.

>>9832721
Relevant:
https://hotelconcierge.tumblr.com/post/162571849189/the-tower

>>9831894
>getting attacked by a puppers

You probably got BTFO, faggot. I would've choked a bitch (pun intended).

fuck shit pissass

>>9830097
I actually liked that. I read it more like a poem then a rap, I don't know if that's what you were going for. I thought at some points it was pretty clever and it worked. The only part is I wish you said nigga instead of nigger at the end, to me it would sound a bit better but I couldn't come up with all of this on my own. I'd read more poems.

I bought some books that I'm never going to read. I don't pretend like I've read them, and I don't pretend to be a literary genius. I very easily fall down the motivation hole. I get myself pumped for something that I'll never finish because it's just initial flash and flare. I never stick around to see it through, which results in a loss of money. I think I just need to admit to myself that I have no personality or passion, and that if my muscles and ability to drink obscene amounts of alcohol and not puke don't impress somebody nothing will. The only reason I'm /fit/ is because I hate myself so much that I won't allow myself to be fat anymore. And I drink because it numbs the pain that I'll never be anything more then an average joe, which is ironically something I wished for as a kid, more so that nobody in my family would die of news worthy causes. But now I guess I'm getting my wish. I guess that's why I'm kind of interested in meditation, maybe with enough I can end this suffering and actually achieve something in my worthless life besides being mediocre child and more mediocre person. It's almost soothing to type this out, maybe in these ramblings I'll realize I'm not just like everyone else, but I know I won't. I'm just stalling for time. Time I don't have. Time that I wish didn't exist.

I LOVE DICKS AND PUSSY EQUALLY

>>9828291
Was really slow-going for the writing today but got over 1400 finished when all was said and done. Not my best writing but not bad, and had some nice dialogue.

Also, is it the same anon who constantly makes these 'white what's on your mind' threads? They're nice, I like them, and I like that cat.

>>9832925
There's literally nothing wrong with that.

>>9832729
fascinating read, thanks

By crossing into a space whose curvature is no longer that of the real, nor that of truth, the era of simulation is inaugurated by a liquidation of all referentials - worse: with their artificial resurrection in the systems of signs, a material more malleable than meaning, in that it lends itself to all systems of equivalences, to all binary oppositions, to all combinatory algebra. It is no longer a question of imitation, nor duplication, nor even parody. It is a question of substituting the signs of the real for the real, that is to say of an operation of deterring every real process via its operational double, a programmatic, metastable, perfectly descriptive machine that offers all the signs of the real and short- circuits all its vicissitudes. Never again will the real have the chance to produce itself - such is the vital function of the model in a system of death, or rather of anticipated resurrection, that no longer even gives the event of death a chance. A hyperreal henceforth sheltered from the imaginary, and from any distinction between the real and the imaginary, leaving room only for the orbital recurrence of models and for the simulated generation of differences.

>>9832925
faggot.

>>9832925
This is a girl (male).

/x/ is right about more things than most of the site gives them credit for. Now, that doesn't mean they're right about most things, or even a lot of things, but it's not all bunk.

>>9833094
prove it.

what do?

>>9833122
dubs means do

>>9833094
No fucking a man has those hips.

>>9828479
I hope that It's not really the only option but i dont have an answer myself...hang on there mate please take care of yourself

>>9829145
I think about death but I'm not willing to die

>>9832925

I like cute traps but the average man holds no interest for me.

>>9833210
gay

>>9828291
I have written a single-spaced, 1800 page sci-fi/space opera novel. It sits on my flash drive. I don't know anything about publishing and I'm much too embarrassed and shy to even let anyone read it.

>>9833210
If you see one IRL it's painfully obvious they are just man in make up and with fake tits.

>>9833210
Who is that btw?

I could make easy money by selling abstract paintings inspired by Beckett's later plays. If only I had contacts in the art industry.

>>9828291

>>9833254
i'm doing one of those online programming bootcamps which i will leave unnamed, and the only women presenters are all traps, i can tell those little estrogen boobies from a mile away, there was one hot ass indian chick who did a one hour workshop, but the women who present the course material are all trans, kind of distracting, like i keep thinking "is it really diversity if the women are actually dudes pretending to be women? why not put a white guy in black face and pretend he's african-american too, for the sake of diversity of course"

>>9830538
*tips fedora*

Accepting a person for who they are, more often than not, is more important than being right. We live in a world of people mish-mashed into all sorts of moral and subjunctive quandary that are -- in our understanding only, superficial. I only take to heart the very bare essence of a small boy's crisis of faith: I don't lay any better judgement in it than one would in guessing the age of a rock. I can make out the form of the issue but possess no better understanding of what has transpired, what can be gleaned out of the information given to me - and the precedent heart for all questioning is an interrogative suspicion, which, especially in the case of those downcast into the barred capacity of something such as childhood - is akin to piercing mire at dusk with a low-battery flashlight.

It's a strange balancing act. Most every dire thing you've felt and thought has been, at some point or another, been felt or thought by someone else. And yet, in the very moment, it is you that possesses the causal indignity - and you alone to bear the weight. It can (seemingly duress, as it is) give a creeping sensation that one is ever the more alone for their personal brood. This is incorrect, of course, but it does still belie the remedy, and as such only the actor himself can assuage that through a series of trial and error improvements upon the self and sense of self.

And a final thing to consider: we have not reached the worst if we have hope enough to consider that nothing worse can come.

>>9833558
your prose is shit, didn't read

It makes a lot of sense to shoot myself.

>>9833254

Let me have my illusions.

>>9833257

Eduarda Rodrigues.

>>9833623
Lol at that name.

>>9833141
These dubs mean do the do.
>>9833122
>>9833094

>>9833623
The name is funny but she's dateable. I'd blow her in front of my family on Thanksgiving.

>>9833628
It's a common female name in Brazil.

I love Juliana and I will work as hard as I can to rebuild our relationship.

>>9833688
Good luck sir. Sounds like an uphill battle.

>>9833688
You're a submissive beta and she knows it, prepare to get cucked.

>>9833688
cute, best luck

Someone delete the dam spic threads on sight please.

>>9833727
fuk u gringo

>>9833731
Fuck yourself trash. Go find a site made for Spanish literary discussion.

>>9832825
Well yeah it was a fucking pitbull, broke a finger punching it in the head and lost a shit tonne of blood trying to get it off my leg.

Luckily a passing car drew its attention and it immediately tried to chase it down.

Finally got access to dmt, acid, and shrooms but I'm kinda depressed. Should I hold off until i'm not as depressed so I don't have a bad trip or just go for it

>>9833921
Bad trips are horrible but have nothing to do w being depressed or not. Hallucinogenics will completely remove your ego from the equation, and the results are quite random.

I sometimes feel as though I live on a different level of reality than a lot of people. It's like there's a filter on my world that isn't on most people's--or, going the other direction, like most people have a filter on their world that I don't have. My world feels very big and strange, and most people I meet, even on this site, don't seem to have that sensation.

>>9828291
Why can't I find part 1 of Das Kapital in a library? There's always parts 2 and 3 but never 1. I bet the person who borrowed it isn't even reading it, it's the same in every library I check. Stop it.

A lullaby holds within itself a scariness

I don't feel like a person anymore. I once had defining characteristics of personality, I was considered smart and funny and whatever so that's what I believed I was. But now i've become a literally flanderized version of myself, where the only discernible attributes of myself are my sadness, anger, paranoia and loneliness. People still think i'm funny, and smart and all the other shit they used to, but i'm just a reflection of a reflection of a real human being. I am suffering personified, and people honestly think i'm being melodramatic or something, but it's a serious thing. I desperately try to define myself and keep myself from completely dissociating by keeping a sense of normality and schedule to my day, but I always end up ditching the schedule and bringing myself more anxiety and pain as the work and the bills pile up, and I am so horrifyingly, depressingly alone through all of this that it's hard to imagine. Any family member who gave a shit about me is long dead, I have no significant other and I don't think I will considering the absolutely driveless husk of humanity that I am.


I remember when I was a kid, my mom told me just how proud she was that I graduated high school, and how people would be crazy not to like me and want to associate with me. I stay home alone on Saturday nights and watch old VHS tapes of my parents encouraging me to ride my bike without training wheels, or swim by myself, or do some other basic kid task and I remember fondly how people used to be proud of me. I've been on Tinder for four weeks and i swipe right on everyone, I even turned it to show both men and women just so i can speak to someone alive and breathing. I am prevented from suicide only by my own self doubt and my crippling fear of losing control over my own existence, which I realize I already have.

>>9834162
hey, you want someone to talk?

>>9834162
jesus, guy. I'll talk with you too, if you want.

I should really fucking get some sleep and finish my paper.

>>9830900
>>9830908
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oh2LWWORoiM
I have a lot of shit to do tomorrow.
also I'm Christian
...that's it for now, that's how I feel.

>>9834175
>>9834181
:')
thanks fellas
i've set up a time with a psychiatrist so i can talk out these issues with somebody who can (hopefully) get to the root of the issues i'm facing. it's just one, but i want to try and stick with it so i can maybe turn some of this absolute shite around a bit
people keep telling me i should exercise, eat healthy, etc stuff that would make me feel more connected with my own body, or go on a hike or just generally get outside more. I've written all these ideas down but, due to my inability to make or follow a schedule, i'm sort of wary about putting them to practice. is there some way i can make myself do something? I have to give myself some sort of structure or all else will be totally hopeless

>>9830890
what is the GNUtanari?

>>9834197
i cant help much there, bc i have issues with organization as well. you sound like you have pretty severe depression, and the best thing for that is medication. I don't know, of course, but it's good that you're seeking professional help. escapism is okay for the moment. try reading plays. they're very short, and even little successes help a little.

>>9832859
i liked the ulysses reference

I tried to read gravity's rainbow, but I was too stupid.

Graduate school was a mistake. Still unemployed after finishing in May. I have been planning to move to LA for months now because I want to write a screenplay with my friend living there. People will ask "why LA?" or "I heard LA sucks" and I will respond with "haha, just want a change of coast..." because I'm embarrassed to tell them my pipe dream that I share with thousands of other untalented "writers". If I fail, they won't know I had these delusions about my writing or comedy skills.

I might just move there without a job, but goddamn I didn't get a master's in statistics to work in a coffee shop. (Why the fuck did he study statistics if he wants to write a TV show?)

Thanks for reading my shitty blog.

>>9830916
Self loathing and too much 4chan

>>9834488
Meanwhile, I'm in Europe and my Hollywood delusions are an ocean and citizenship away. You have it pretty good, anon.
I also wish I could join the marines or navy seals. Am I turning into an ameriboo? Please help

>>9834207
>The use of Free (GPL, etc) Software and the rejection of proprietary software and ideologies.
>A love and appreciation for [full-package] futanari, and the realization that it is the final evolution of the human species, due to it's ideal and beatific form.
>Use of entheogens as they were meant to be used, as spiritual tools for guidance, self-improvement, and experiential contact with the Spirit World and It's entities.

What if studying journalism isn't as I expected it to be and I end up making a bad choice in my life yet again.

Maybe even if journalism isn't for me, I definitely have a love for writing. So I'll just stay positive for now and try my best to make a living out of something for once.

I used to want attachment. Now I want freedom.

>>9834617

I hear ya.
I'm being sucked into the dark hole of normieism.

>>9834617
Find the balance and you will be happy. (maybe)

>>9828291
I have an everpresent and evergrowing fear that I have become and am continuing to become a burden on both my family and my society.
My only desire is to find something that I can honestly feel is worth dying for, but I know that I am to much of a narcissist to ever honestly find that something.
Because of this I find that my only available action is to find a preexisting cause and play pretend at it in hopes martyring myself.
I have chosen to play at unwavering patriotism paired with a hidden Ethnic-Nationalism, because it seems the most heroic.
I hope that I will be accepted by the United States Navy so that I do not have to join the French Foreign Legion because, let me face it, I wouldn't want to die French.

I hate living with women so fucking much, everything is drama, pettiness and superficiality.

After eight days hard abstention I caved and began edging to porn. This inevitably sets the wheels in motion for a nut, generally within the frame of forty-eight hours. I admitted defeat, closed the tab and splayed myself out on the bed instead. Eight days of saved up zinc-enriched load violently forced itself through with far less satisfaction than I expected. What good is a nut with no one to share it with?

the world will end on 23th september

There is a girl that likes me, and I happen to like her too but I am keeping my distance because I am not good at dealing with intimate relations, is there any book that touches on this?

Everyone is more talented than me, but no one has the correct spirit it feels like.

>>9835328
*nothing happens*

>>9835339
>tfw never had any kind of intimacy with women whatsoever

How do people do it?

>>9835371
You just gotta meet more people anon

>>9835379
Sure, but how do you get from being simply acquainted with a woman to e.g. making out with her? What are the steps involved?

>>9828291
You're my fuckbuddy, but i hate non-ideal things.
So a part of me wants to break this off, but i know it's better to keep this going and use you as a challenge and a safety net of sex

>>9835386
First you must be honest and think which girls fit inside your league. You can't complain about being single when you are always thinking in pretty women

>>9835396
That's fair enough.

>>9835386
It really depends on the girl, I once went to a """socialist""" meeting and ended up hooking up with a purple haired SJW cutie, some girls are quite open when you're funny and manage to talk about their interests
>inb4 getting accused of shilling for leftists

>>9835386
Book of Pook
But i'll give the 101 for what you want
>Like girl
>Ask girl to do thing like; bowling/crazy golf/funfair/something action-y
>make sure to initate teasing physical contact
>sometime during the date, NOT THE END, give her a kiss

>>9835405
I went to a "Socialist" meeting when I was at University. They talked the western objectification of the Black phallus and only that for an Hour.
I wish modern Socialists could just talk about economics, but no it all has to be idpol.

I gave away everything. I sold my car. I gave away everything in my storage container. My book collection, spare laptop, and a number of odds and ends went to charity. My gaming PC went to a friend of mine. I moved across an ocean with 3 suitcases and a backpack to be here. Those were the only worldly goods I had left.

In the two years I've been here. I've gained little materially. Though I gained a wife and family that I never know. I am a rich man.

Now I've been asked if I want to move back. Back to cars and interstate highways and deliciously unhealthy fast food. I'm torn. This is my home now but that is my homeland.

>>9835405
Why are leftists always willing to have sex so easily, what happened to love and intimacy?

i want to die

>>9833143

sorry bro, fags/trannies can get ass implants now.

https://www.2passclinic.com/body/hip-augmentation/

>>9835432
>Why are leftists always willing to have sex so easily, what happened to love and intimacy?

Because they view sex as solely for pleasure.

>>9835379
I've met plenty of people. Not recently, but I really tried to branch out a few years ago. My problem is >>9828404

>>9835461

this.

The orgasm is the only transcendence that an atheist can every know.

>>9835418
Is that it?

>>9835527
Read the Book of Pooky anon, honestly and you'll begin to understand
But yes, if you know she likes you, then that's all it is

>>9835637
I googled and it sounds like PUA shit.

>>9835641
It's a more middle ground than say PUA which is basically trying to game the system.
Pook is more of a teacher/coach

>>9830900
> I hate everyone , I cant stand their flaws and they make me sick, I want someone I can love and spend time with but I hate spending time with absolutely everyone i ever met. I feel like everyone i know is beyond stupid

holy fuck are you me?

>>9835328
>23th
Something tells your prophecies can't be trusted

>>9830478
>she finds me attractive but isn't attracted to me
top kek

>>9836205
Translation: she thinks he is a 6/10 but knows she can do better.

I want the white races (excluding Slavs) to disappear for failing so pathetically at defending everything that's theirs.

Another day, another spic thread.

>>9836350
Another thread, another "spic thread" post.

The absolute state of /lit/ right now, completely hijacked by SJW redditors and /pol/tards.

>>9836346
I understand what you're saying, and it truly is pathetic what the leftists are up to, but no. We proud Conservatives still live, and as long as we do, the white race will live on, and pride in being Caucasian will be maintained. We've created the greatest civilization ever seen in human history, and if whites truly do suffer to such an extent, it will have to be AFTER the current generation. In the meantime, common-sense right-wing individuals like myself, we proud whites, must carry on with our superior society and work towards tightening out borders. Islam is not compatible with us, so we should not accept them.

>>9836367
I wish /pol/ had never been created

Whoever just deleted that thread about Terrance Malick needs to reassess what they're doing. The thread was about Heidegger - a well known philosophical meme who I hear he actually wrote a lot of shit down. In books no less.

I'm sorry...
Sorry.
I'm sorry.

I didn't want it to be like that.
It's just the same confusion over and over.

>>9828291
Did anyone else find Catcher in the Rye to be heartwarming? I mean the part where Duncan or whatever his name is sleeps on the sofa in Mr. Anchovie's house and wakes up to the feel of a somber headpat, then blushing and being all like "hawawawawa w-what are you doing!?" *deep blush*. He's so cute I could almost squeeze him into submission and tickle him just to watch him writhe and despise me though be unable to counter-attack (well he could probably kill me if I tried but he wouldn't because he just wouldn't I guess >:3), honestly I nearly squealed when I read that part of the book - its so adorable, I'd love to wake up to someone petting me; I remember when my mom used to pretend there was a spider on my head and I used to giggle and be all like "hehe, I know there isn't ;)" contrast to now where I wake up in sheer agony at the muscle fatigue of a day's hard labour and constant lethargy. Ah how I wish I could wind the clocks back, I could have done infinitely more.

>>9836418
Hehe, don't worry about it anon, I like you *hugs you tight and nuzzles against your cheek, might need picking up to do so but I will manage anyhow*.

>>9834567
Damn man, sorry to hear that. And yeah, I meant to preface by saying I'm doing well all things considered.

Ameriboo? I see joining the Navy or Marines as a noble thing. The real ameriboos are the retards who sign up just so they can shoot a gun. To successfully become a seal or a marine is hard as shit and would be a very rewarding process.

If you REALLY wanted to do pursue your Hollywood dreams, you would. Same goes for the Navy/Marines. I can't imagine getting a citizenship is too difficult. Of course, things are easier for me, but I will be moving 3,000 miles away to an enormous city where I know three other people. And I am confining my job applications (which are a cunt to begin with) to one city where I will probably make less money than I would at one in my current location.

The US provides people with opportunities more than any country, especially in the entertainment industry (New York, Los Angeles). In the bigger picture, there is a reason people from poorer countries risk their lives to come here.

Funny you mention ameriboo, because I am becoming a borderline weeaboo. I discovered K-pop two months ago and am obsessed. I know weebs associate with Japan, but the point stands. The genre is exactly as pathetic as you think it is. Somebody please make fun of me for it.

We've been finding reasons to stay in love with eachother these past 4 years. In a couple of weeks another year will be running past us with that same feeling we get ever since we decided to live together 3 years ago.
I remember my lung cancer ridded aunt grabbing my box of belongings and tossing them out the window, while she screamed at my mother "I want you and your fucking son out of here".My mother lives near the beach now, she's all right living with her cat.
Its easy to grab a hold of a woman free of money troubles while your falling down. The anxiety, and panic attacks she goes through on almost a daily basis compare little to the fear of having to change your fucking address once again because some cunty aunt cant handle being with a guy that remindes her of her suicide son.
So I had a go at it, moved in with this new woman, i got the same bug she had implanted in her by her narcissistic mother. I get panic attacks,i get anxious about shit i dont even care about. Its her sickness, not mine.
Its like i started "Three little piggies" from back to front. Now we're both struggling to keep this hay house standing up and I know that if we decide to end it, ill move out. I'll leave with nowhere to fall to with friends equally fucked as I am. "Come to me" mother says, "even for just a couple of weeks, you love swimming and the sea will always keep you company". Yet I still owe her dad 8,000 dollars because i accepted a trip to Rome that showed me nothing of value, nothing that will help me face the shit i have in front of me.
I feel fucking shackled to the unreal worry that this woman i live with will take her life, or her hair out in the process of me leaving. I cant stand anothe suicide in my panoramic view.

>>9833168
Hey thanks man. Feeling a bit better today.

It seems that half of /lit/ just got banned for the /pol/ vs reddit threads today.

>>9836526

Holy shit, you are weird as fuck

>>9835863

lol

I generally don't give a shit about sports.

>>9835111

You don't have a fear, you already know. You just find it baffling that they won't compromise with you. If you intend to martyr yourself, that's fine, but why not live, and make something of yourself?

>>9837197
And what are the particulars?

>>9837197
So?

>>9837230
So? I wrote what was on my mind.

>>9828698
>>9828404
Holy shit it's my clones. My parents did the same thing and I'm at the point now (20 years old) where the thought of being in a relationship seems unfair to the girl. I'm not resentful, but I've accepted/forced myself to believe that I'm worthless on the sexual market and any girl who shows an interest in me is clearly delusional. I had a "relationship" in high school where the girl was very clearly into me but we never even kissed because I was in disbelief that somebody would ever be interested in me. I don't even know if I want to try to change the way I think about it, but if I don't I'll probably die a virgin.

t. loser

dear diary today i cleaned my room it was really fun because it was first supermessy but i gradually observed how it got really better and looked ncice in the end though there was a period inbetween where it looked really bad and i struggled to motivate myself and contemplated that all of life was meaningless and that it would be the best course of action to end my soul and dies but i sat down and breathed and looked out of the window after i had stood up and sat down again and thought what now and decided to pull through, i said to myself YOU GOTTA do this and i got up and started cleaning up again and when i was done i looked at my room and it looked very very better than before and i felt happy but suddenly i ddin't feel happy anymore because i realized i had nothing left to do which was horrible so i sat down and contemplated and felt how i grew nervous and then i started listening to music and looking at internet websites on my laptop and sensed as i got drawn in into this experience of total and complete stimulation of atleast 2 to 3 senses that these were experiences which i had not found poetically mediated in art and that there was a gap here but that the experience to me was so strong and overwhelming that i was incapable of inspeting it from a truly distanced point of view that it was rather outlandish nad terrifying but also drawing me in as moving images and sounds all meshed together in really inventive and significant ways impact my body sphere but i got up soon and said: Today i am allowed to do anything and went grocery shopping and there i bought food which was nice and it felt good to be outside but i noticed that i had spet this summer not outside but rather inside even though i promised to do it the other way around and then i asked myself but what am i going to do outside all by mself and remembered how fun it was to jump into swimming pools alone or with friends and how fun it would be if i got caught in a undercurrent stream in the sea and it would be like a underwater rullercoaster with dolphins berhaps but then i woke up and entered my home with food on my back and in my hands and cleaned. That was one half of the day and the other half was less epctacular though i started to question my charater many times, remmbering situations in which i behaved harsh, condescending, even to some distinct evil, revelling in schadenfreude or expressing my chauvinistic sentiment and i also reflected on what it meant to be good to people and stuff. Also i slept sometime today. I also saw a nigger on the streets and he was talking to peple in a drunk hobo kind of way ad i imagined that he would attack him ad mentally i was imagining grabbing my camera and recordin the whole thing and i imagined how i would be questioned by the police why i had not called them immediately instead of making the video and i would say that i had matter of fact called the police before starting to shoot the video and they would nod in appreciation of my citize

dear diary today i wet walking outside and the sun shined, that was very pleasat but i called my father and he was grumpy and that was unpleasant. I had forgotten to send him some documents that were of immediate interest to people at bureaus ad so he urged me to finally send it to him and i said it's laying on my printer and it will be sent asap but at the moment i'm walking in the sun which is nice, both the walk and the sun, and he said okay son goodbyie and i said bye dad i love you and walked down the stars towards a lower streeet where a woman was standing with a cigarette in her hand from which emanated some smoke but she was talking to her cellphone and i couldn't understand it. I walked past her and sometimes looked at her but never for too long and i kept o walking and tried to memorize the exact layout and choreography of this place but i have already forgotten it but it was orangeish and also lots of glass and it looked rich though not too rich but also it didn't look like people lived there but rather they worked there i think but i don't know for i can't recall if there were any companiy names on the buildings or other such signifiers where the names are put on if there are companies renting the buildings or something. I got some ice cream in the big city and it was not bad, i got an ice with 2 balls and the cream was good, the mix was nice and i tried to savour it as much as possible but i did not get this orgasmic explosion of taste that i often attach to getting something that is considered unhealthy but supertasty and i wondered whether i had been cucked by advertisements as to connect such a sensory explosion with food, maybe it made me blind for true appreciation i pondered deeply and preferred not to look into the sun.

"Perhaps it's all just one big motherfucking joke" some black dude said while shaking his head and laughing and looking at me and he winked and i stood frozen and said: I was thinking the exact same thing, man. and smiled and he said: I know, that's why i said it. Head Up! Life's good!" he laughed and walked beyond my body and into the streets stretching past said body and i contemplated the event which had just ocurred. I opened my little notebook and wrote "Black old people are wise" and nodded in agreement with these words. It's true i said, they really are wise and i nodded at my notebook and then put it away from my field of vision. I decided to return home feeling not heavy physically and not feeling intense pain though i wondered whether other people felt any pain ever when moving but denied that thought and remembered the black guys words and walked on, the pathway following the sun and the stars but not the moon. When i got home i closed everything off and cried a little bit it was now totally dark and i said: If life is good then why am i unhappy? i didn't want to think further and rolled from door to my bed and then cuddled with pillow and blankets and cried a little more with tears leaving my eyes

dear diary today i killed my brother in a car accident which is a total fuck up and i am struggling to understand how an event which is so unlikely could happen to me and not maybe to somebody from another country because my country has a relatively low amount of inhabitants so generally stuff like that should happen relatively seldom. My little bro went to the place where my house lives and ranged on the door and i heard that ringing and went to the door and opened it and i smiled at him becuase i like him very much, even now even though he is dead now, and i said hello there litttle brother what is up? and i smiled and he said Hi there can you give me a ride to the city i wanna see a movie and i tipped my lips with my fingers and went hmmm and scratched my head and said let me check for a second but it was all a joke because i live on state security financial income so i never have to do anything but i wanted to give him feelings of nervousness but not out of maliciousness or so i would believe because i love my little brother but because when i would then tell him that despite not having time for this i would still do it so that he would be really glad and that would make joy flow through my body, originating from my heart, i suspect, and i did that and he really was happy and we high fived and i walked along his side to the car and opened it. He sat down on the seat next to mine and closed his door and i hummed a song and he started humming with me and we both laughed when we were humming a song in accordance, that was really good i said and he was laughing really really hard to the point where he was embarrassed and tried to stop it but it made him do funny noises and it went on like that and i drove down the street and also laughed and missed a red light and we got hit by a fast car and i woke up in a hospital not really knowing what was going on i said to the people who stood around me looking weirdly as if not even really human but trying to hide it, i said that i was pretty disoriented right at this moment and so on and they were saying things but i didn't understand them and fell asleep with this cozy feeling and when i woke up later my mom was there and told me that i had a car accident and that my brother had died and there was suddenly a real bad sting in my body and electric shocks crawling over my skin and i felt like an animal at the moment and considered to jump out of a window to escape into a forest and never be seen again but i didn't do that because my body hurt and i couldn't remember the crash but it was really really bad, it was really bad inside my heart and it grew so bad that i started to cry a lot and my mother also cried she cried a lot and she said that i had run over a red light and i cried some more and grew really weak and felt heat glowing on my body and the woman in white dresses said i needed rest for i was also hit pretty badly and i grew really confused like i didn't know what was going on anymore and soon i

>>9828404

>>9837304
>>9837348
>>9837410

dear diary today i went up stairs it was just really exciting first one step and then another and then a third! haha, would you even believe that? There were even more than just three and i swang up my legs sometimes with pauses inbetween, i would stand on stair number 27 and turn my body around and look downstairs and count the stairs i had already walked or i would walk down three stairs and then walk them back and i noticed that there were very singificant differences in walking up stairs and walking up stairs, it was really entirely diffferent which was notable. I also once dared to face upstars but walk downstairs but after having done that for one stair i got hit by such intense fear that i swore to god that i would never do that again but that moment didn't spoil my fun whatsoever, what i like especially about walking up stairs is when you use stairRAILS, those are supportive lines of woods r other materials that constrict the stairspace as to stop you from falling down to the sides or maybe hold them while walking up when you're old for increased stability but when you walk up fast you can use the muscles in your arm to swing you upwards with your arms which turns movement volatile unpredicatble and makes one look like a predator leaping up incredibly fast to reach some pray. I moved like that from stair 1500 to 2000 but then i was really exhausted which is when i noticed another very quality of stairs which made me become even more infatuated with them and walking them up: When you are tired and exhausted and need some rest stairs are often wide enough to allow you to lay down on them and if not you can still sit very comfortably and stretch a leg out maybe for 2 stairs and the other leg maybe for 1 stair or for 3 stairs and that is a nice feeling you can then shift around when you're bored and try out new positions or you lay down and rest on leg and the attached feet on a stair below or maybe one on the upper stair as to create a nice position for looking at clouds or the nightsky or the ceiling. The opportunities ot make use of stairs are infinite and while i had already noted and greatly enjoyed swinging myself upwards one thing that i also find terrific, bombastic, is swinging yourself downwards. While between stair 3000 and 4000 i experimented with swinging myself down the stairs, which means that i ran rapidly down the stairs while using the rails as to propel myself further forward with greater speed while at the same time i also gained stability because with such speed one could stumble or trip and then things coul turn badly and in the case of there being no rails as in stairsegment 3300 to 3370 it is actually dangerous but, i must admit with smiling lips and eyes, that this danger is enticing. One grows so rapid often doing 4-5 steps at once that one looks like hunted prey that easily outpaces the hunter but nonetheless in instinctual panic due to threat of one existance, but falling down is really the big downside of stairs a

>>9828366
Do you have to turn your head until your darkness goes?

I don't know if I can continue teaching. It's bad. I'm a poorer person for having taken this job. I hate reading after three years of monotony. I hate to write any more. My grasp of the language has been whittled away into something resembling my students'. They hate me and I don't understand them.

They are alien. Their attention spans are such that blinking distracts them. They are addicts to screens and memes and each other's stares. They have never been taught any vocabulary or sentence structure or how to even make meaning from a text because their entire lives, from age 8 on, have been dominated by standardized testing. Education, to them, is skating through data points and passing an exam. I cannot convince them otherwise. I hate that I must be the villain. I hate that I must parent them, and to parent their parents, who hate that they produced offspring that are unknowable and proudly defiant.

I hate that the culture I live in values teachers somewhere around fry cooks. I hate that reading is seen as a chore. I hate that writing terrifies them. I hate that their thoughts are so addled they cannot organize them.

The school I work at was designed by a prison architect, needlessly.

>>9837410
I like this

keep looking forward. careful their eyes are attractive. they wouldn't want you to look at them. I guess my hands look pretty good. did she see that? I hope not she was looking at her phone. the peripherals go to shit when ur looking at ur phone. I must look so weak. I can't look at anyone. talk about a feedback loop. If I focus on my other senses i can ignore my vision. Not to say i'm not acutely aware of her presence. I wonder what she looks like. I bet we would have great conversations. She'd think Im super cool and just weird enough to have some character but like still normal like. Is it weird to look straight forward for so long? I'll snap out of my glazed gaze and look @ shit like I'm interested in what it looks like. I can't see anything out the window but now I'm committed. Is that her reflection? she's cute. Why is she so into her phone? We'd get along. I'll look at some people to show that I'm not afraid of looking at people. I can only look at the rules for so long; Im losing focus. oh whe's getting off? I can probably sneak a look now, it will be natural, I'm a natural guy. why did she smile at me? oh she's ugly

a day in the life

>>9829673
This

>>9837487
What?

>>9837497
>Education, to them, is skating through data points and passing an exam

this is why you gotta pick out the ones with potential and talk to them 1v1.

What do you think can be done to improve the education system? Be honest

>>9837497
This is your society on institutionalized narcissism.

>>9837590
>What do you think can be done to improve the education system?

1.) Tiered classrooms. Mixed-ability classes only work if students are within a few months of each other in terms of understanding, with maybe one or two outliers. As it is now most classrooms are populated with students who are one or more grade levels behind in terms of content and understanding with a handful of on-level ones who end up recessing into the lowest common denominator. Excessively low students need separate classrooms with paired teachers overseeing discipline, behavior training, and habit formation.

2. Parent training is an unfortunate but undeniable necessity. Culturally and economically speaking, most American parents are terrible. Parent involvement will initially be a matter of economic support, free lunches or clothes-washing services, for example. What's important is that we get them into the schools so they can see what their children experience daily. We can work from then on.

3. Stronger and more meaningful discipline. Referrals and suspensions are ineffective. They are pieces of paper with strongly-written reprimands on them that many students and their parents can neither read or understand. Punishments must be tied to the school itself and to the community of students therein. Separating a child from a school they care nothing about is not a punishment.

Those three things alone would solve 99% of my problems.

>>9837590
>>9837618
Article related:
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/08/grade_inflation.html

dear diary
my head is strong, muslim fervour rules in it. Dear Diary, the shadows grow as my light grows stronger. I have set my feet upon the path of strength. Dear Diary i walked a thousand miles until i reached the present, i trained my arms by lifting logs and it worked quite well. My arms are now solid as rock and i could easily do a handstand if i so wished. My heart has grown in size and the beats it produces have more punch. One rise of my heartrate can send me flying through a thousand mountains punching and munching whatever crosses my way. I AM SO STRONG I COULD LITERALLY BEAT ATLAS AT HIS OWN GAME AND CARRY THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS: I AM STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST FOR I WALK THE PATH OF SELF DESTRUCTION IT IS THE PATH ONE WALKS UNTIL ONE PERISHES IT IS THE PATH ON WHICH ONE FIGHTS ENEMY UPON ENEMY AND EVERY STRIKE MUST BE MADE TO KILL OR OTHERWISE ONE WILL SUCCUMB AND ONE WILL SUCCUMB; ALL SUCCUMBS IN TIME FOR LIFE IS SHORT AND THE WORLD IS OLD

iF OANY OF YOU HAVE THE BRAVERY WITHIN YOU TO CHALLENGE ME RISE; RISW NOW AND FACE A MAN SURROUNDED BY HIS OWN SHADOW. once i stood like you and the flames drew their light away from me, in darkness i wondered how others could love themself. It was when by accident that the lights drew on me and for the first time in my life i saw myself, i saw my true naked self, i witnessed my own skin. I was solid haha! for now i had taken myself for something made out of darkness, a spirit with no will, with no endurance, with no capability to enforce myself on the world.

BUT I WAS MADE OF FLESH AND WHEN I WITNESSED IT; WHEN I TOUCHED MY SKIN AND MY FINGERS DID NOT PASS THROUGH ME AND WHEN I FELT THE VITALIZING HEAT OF THE LIGHT CASTING ITS EYE ON MY EXISTANCE I ROSE FOR THE FIRST TIME

the battle cry echoed from hall to hall and the masses stormed, in their eyes were glimmers of ancient ages, preserving the weak flame of eternal will, dimmed by the dankness of the great swamp who has spread across the world, feeding upon weakness and misery, consuming the world OH THE WHOLE WORLD BUT NOT ANY LONGER: WE STOOD UP THEY WHO DWELLED IN HALLS SCREAMED AND MOTIONED AT THE SUN - WE STOOD UP THE OTHERS ECHOED AND SHOOK WITH ANIMALISTIC VIOLENCE AT THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE PALACE

the king ordered his armies to rally and gave his generals the order to attack and destroy. In the desert the man marshed, the sun bliding them, the sun drying them out. Their frail hearts devoid of courage and hope twisting as if trying to escape their hosts to save themself from the impending annihilation.

THE PATH OF STRENGTH I WALKED AND WHEN I MET MY SELF I DID NOT HESITATE BUT STRUCK MY SWORD WITH ABSOLUTE DESIRE TO KILL: I KILLED IT AND GAINED MY FREEDOM

great was the price i had to pay, the man whispered silently, but i survived.

a frail teacher walked out from his bedroom and there he stood and he motioned at the world and cursed it. In his eyes an ancient glimmer was present but his heart was frail, the swamp ruled within

>>9837626
I am ashamed to be a part of the problem. I am pursuing further education in literature and writing, but there is such a glut of qualified teachers that my undergraduate understanding of the language is seen as useful.

There's an image of the hero of the story that you're supposed to be to be understood or admired by society.

I know - fuck society - don't be weak. Be strong. Be cool. Be a cool cat who can at least be good in the sack. Charm people - be the lovable rogue.

Well shit.

What if I can't be all those things? I am any less human that I'm not perfect - that I'm quite flawed and that I need love, appreciation. The confirmation that I have a right to exist in the world and that I am beautiful and worthy of praise and attention?

I think it starts in childhood. It began with not being invited to parties and then escalated to being called the fat nigger, sissy faggot, and retarded bitch on the gymnasium in high school. You think it changes in College, but it doesn't - people just keep quiet when you're around, clutch their bags a little tighter when you come on the elevator with them and tell you they wouldn't introduce you to their parents - because what would they say when they saw you?

When I was a kid, I thought life was going to be so much better after school ended. I mean I was bullied from the moment I reached first grade, but there was always this little hope - next year will be different. College will be different. Work will be different. Now I'm
on my 100th job application asking whether or not this world is for me.

I can't be this person that TV and pop culture want me to be. I can't be it because on every level - genetic, racial, class and cultural I'm a fuck up. Yes - I am a fuck up, and I know it.

I know I'm a fuck up when alcohol and junk food are the only things I can look forward to sometimes. I know I'm a fuck up when my girlfriend tries her best to make me happy - singing for me or telling me a joke and my shitty mode just has me reply: "your breath stinks." I'm such a fuck up that I chose a liberal art as a major and then again as masters and am still in love with my field. I should have given into my inner shittiness and done STEM or become a plumber just for the money.

So fuck it. I'm not getting a Netflix series anytime better, so all I can be is me. I want to be better. I want to be a better boyfriend even though it is so much easier to get rejected by girls and live in a fantasy of foisted idealized women and evil bitch induced friend zones. I can't be the alpha male locking horns with alpha males and alpha females because I don't like domination - I'm a little faggot nigger bitch who likes reading, writing and intellectual discussions in the park. Society might be malevolently ambivalent to people like me, but I can't kill myself - I just can't give up.

>>9829787
Mr. Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane, shoulda been my name

I know /pol/ - kill the niggers, fuck the niggers - everyone hates the niggers. I get it and I heard it so many times it stings less and less each time I hear it.

I mean talking about how hard being black is a cliche but let's face it - it's rough. You're playing a game of Jenga every day, and you're not considered to be an individual but an amorphous tar blob attached to a hive mind which reflects your hopes, dreams, actions, and desires.

It's a two-player game being a nigger. When you grow up loving the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Clash and Bob Dylan as well as Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and Star Wars - it's both whites and blacks who tell you that these properties are not for you.

Scientists dedicate their lives just to prove your intelligence is lower than that of Koko, the gorilla and you have to suck it up and be the rational one. You have to say "both sides have points" even though you know that people make moral judgments of you based on what they think your IQ score is. People treat you like a criminal even though you've never committed a crime but because you look like the typical criminal, or at least you share his outward appearance. Teachers grimace when you raise your hand and belittle you because the only way you got into this school was affirmative blacktion.

Talk about it - you're a reverse racist. Think about - you're a mentally ill worthless nigger.

I wish so hard that black crime could end - that black pathologies could end and that we could be the perfect race but the truth is that if you hate niggers you don't hate them for any particular reason just rather these come to mind the most quickly.

I just want to be my own person - I just want to have my own identity but because who I am people just hate me. I don't want to be a hotep BLM tool or a Uncle Tom sellout - I just want to be me and to chase my dreams without anyone using my color against me on its own.

>>9830173
This is dangerous, friend. I've felt the same way about someone. She will disappoint you.

>>9834115
Have you considered that you might just be insane?

>>9834593
DO NOT GET JOURNALISM DEGREE

>t. journalism major who got paid shit money to do stressful, bullshit, mindless, formulaic work that nobody actually read or cared about and is now working a bullshit job that someone without a HS education could do and is actually getting paid MORE than I was in journalism

Fat people should be exterminated.

>>9837861
>has a gf
>is well off enough to go not only to college but to grad school

Shut the fuck up. People would kill to be you. You sound like some fucking narcissistic, humble-bragging piece of shit.

>>9829145
I feel you man. It's really terrifying how optimistic people are even when billions of lifeforms have died before them, and many of them have shared similar experiences. it's almost nauseating that so many people come and go with very little significance other than some a perceived one like a nuclear family or a few extra dollars.

>>9834593
unless you're going to columbia journalism school don't bother, i've never met someone with a journalism degree who works in journalism, though i know a guy with an english degree who writes little articles for a local magazine once in a while, most definitely not paying the bills

ITT gays

>>9830173
read Sorrows of Young Werther, overly sentimental betas have been living this gay script over and over again since at least the 1700s

>>9837937
Me and the GF were talking about this the other day

>>9837937
luckily god feels the same way, they basically have to get their act together before 40 or they going to keel over and die any minute, unfortunately not before sticking the taxpayer with a bill for heart surgery, gastric bypass and a pile of diabetes meds

>>9837897
Part of me feels bad for black people because the ones that are worth a damn are generally dragged down by their peers in some way or another.

The problem is you can't really be your own person which is ironic in an age of hyper-individualism. I haven't really thought this all through but when a society has been atomized to the extent much of the West has been identity politics is inevitable. When we share nothing we cling to the most basic of all identities (skin colour, race, ethnicity) because at this point it's the only thing people share as a collective. This is the price you pay when other forms of collective identity, generally more voluntary ones, have been broken down: religion, systems of measurement, customs, laws, literature, etc. When the West as a whole became rationalistic, nihilistic, universal, metric, etc. we lost our identities which are now being rebuilt from the bottom up beginning with skin colour, race, and ethnicity.

Going to shave my beard before my dentist appointment in the morning

I'm in horrible pain

the music is nice

>>9838482
What happened?

Got home on my Friday to find a notice to vacate in 2 months. I love this cottage. At the same time I'm tired of this city so it might be the push I need.

A sense of reckless liberation. But man, how quickly the quotidian problems dissipate when you get sidelined with news like this. Feeling fine.

Back's flaring up again.

I recently finished a book that affected me a hell of a lot more than I thought it would. Little embarrassed at my reaction but it hit close to home.

Can't really focus on anything. Maybe I just need to get out and go somewhere new. Honestly part of me wants to drive up to the mountains and crash my car over a cliff so it looks like an accident, but I'm not there yet.

I fucking hate you people, really and truly. I should never have come back to this cesspit. I was doing so good to, hadn't been here in almost a year before I fell back off the wagon.

>>9838520
I have a sinus infection which makes breathing very difficult and sometimes painful. I've been up for so many hours that my limbs are becoming exhausted

>>9837201
> If you intend to martyr yourself, that's fine, but why not live, and make something of yourself?
I do not think you understood what I was trying to say.
What I meant by playing pretend at it in hopes martyring myself was not that I wanted to die rather that I wished I could aspire to the myth of a great Heroic Death (Something that I find myself incapable of, because everything that is important to me is fundamentally pointless).
The key word of "Something worth dying for" is the Worth not the Death.

>>9828291
what's the difference, the strewn hopes as fleeting as my determination to follow them, they come to me as sleep and wrests me from my turmoil for at least a while, to think that people feel this way for long stretches of time wakes me from my reverie and turn on the t.v to sleep. i need the sound anything, a documentary, a stupid comedy show, it doesn't matter, anything to drown out the "if's" and "could have's" that come to plague me in my drunken little corner of the world. i would suck the walls for marrow if my mind would stop this begging, hasn't it learnt where all this well wishing has landed me in this wretched little space that chokes me with anxiety and stale air. i don't want grandeur i want to be content

>>9828291
Have to work tomorrow. God I'm a fat cunt. Shameful.

I'm at the point where I need to give up on writing or double down on it and commit but I am too much of a Prufrock to do either and before I know it my life will be over.

If I would chase happiness I would chase the horizon.

>>9838676
At least you didn't lose your job and at least I'm not fat.
This way we both win. . . .

Fapped to trap porn where the guy fucks the trap a few days ago. Most degenerate thing I have ever done.

>>9838771

>>9828291
I remember going into your office.
The smell of coffee in the air.
There was a painting by Diego Rivera on the wall.
I wonder if it's still there after all this time.

I have been a NEET since graduating with my finance degree last year and i've lost interest in pursuing a career in this area. Want to go back to study law, and also because I liked the university lifestyle. I feel like i'm not ready or willing to work 9-5 yet. I'm depressed and lazy as shit.

>>9834109
What you just said is fucking bullshit.

I need to find a place in Stockholm that sells those chinese pancakes that you eat with roast duck

>>9838797
this. i had a bad trip on mushrooms what was basically hyper introspective /r9k/ posting in my mind for a really long time

It goes. It goes slow, but it goes. No turning back now. They're investigating, hurry up. Bring it to a head, drag their feet they will, but it goes. Pining for justice. Taking each threat in stride. Come and get it. "Forever"? Its over now.

>>9838841
E D G Y

i can't get a job and i'm going to kill myself

>>9838847
E D G Y

>>9828291
I have a number of thoughts/ideas I've emailed myself late nights (usually when drunk) that seem profound even when sober but I'm afraid to divulge them for two reasons: 1) I'm a pleb for even imagining they are significant thoughts/ideas 2) they indeed are interesting ideas and someone will steal them and do something significant and I'll be left out and miserable

>>9838851
Who am I kidding it's almost certain to be #1. Some 3rd century no name philosopher probably thought about it

>>9838844

You're scared, I get it. That's normal. For what its worth, you should be.

>>9838854
3rd century BC*

>>9838847
Fuck

>>9838851
People are so afraid of originality and ownership of ideas... someone has probably thought of these things before yes, and someone will probably come to them on their own in the future. They're not your ideas, you don't own them. But if they are not common concepts in the culture you can always reintroduce them, you can present them with your own understanding of them and that will always be yours rooted uniquely in you, even if they become obsolete they will go on as historical markers. Unless the ideas relate to efficient energy or something else you can patent and make $$$ off don't be afraid to share them.

>>9834560
But I don't have any kind of self-loathing and actually have a great deal of self-confidence even if it doesn't translate into social gregariousness, in fact if I talk honestly about what I think about myself people would think I have delusions of grandeur

And I've been like this since before I started using 4chan too

>>9828404
Me too. I think it is some mix of Conservative upbringing and low self esteem and the feeling that one must debase themselves to show romantic interest.

>>9838861
Damn, that's some good shit wise sir. You're right.

>>9838844
>>9838850
PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT!

>>9838850
>>9838889
Looks like some /tv/ mongoloids have wandered in here.

>>9838891
>/tv/
/r9k/ senpai

>>9838897
even better

I'm about to take a long walk back home when school is out.
Step by step I'm gonna contemplate my suicide. Why have I done this to my self? Why can't I be the person I want to be? Why do let this self-doubt even happen again?
I am slowly losing my sanity every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year.
I need to kill myself before I take it too far again.

>>9838775
What a cuuuuuuuck... but nah, I don't see how fapping to gay porn is cuckery.

>>9838922
I kind of feel the same in ways? Those are some good questions. I've asked myself the same. For my own reasons I haven't addressed them. Maybe we should past our respective boundaries and address them.

>tfw no tall, black gf

>>9838771
Nothing wrong with that bro. Enjoy and be yourself. Sounds pretty hot to be honest.

>>9839074
Keep working towards the dream my friend. They're out there

>>9839113
One can't lose hope.

I really hope tomorrow isn't worse. Maybe I can stop then.

I have the temperament of a scholar, but I'm a fucking retard.

It's fascinating how posting in the thread ceases when it hits bump limit

>>9828417
my dad is literally psychotic from time to time and extremely manipulative. he lives completely alone, with no job. it's been like this for 10 years. he lives off disability money, which isn't much at all. he tried killing himself (again) back in january. he always tells me he loves me and he's proud of me. some people tell me their dad is dead and that i should be grateful for having a father. but when your dad did pills and drank himself psychotic every single day until your mother divorced him when you were still a kid, it's not much of a 'father experience.'
since your dad is, well, a dad, i'm assuming he's at least 40-something or 50, maybe even 60. i don't know your age, i don't know his age, but i do know he must be at a point in his life where all he can do is replay memories of his youth, of being with your mother years ago, etc. i feel so bad for him. he may be crazy, he may have destroyed his own life, but he loves you. keep your distance, a safe distance, but let him know he's not dead. tell him you love him, if you do.

Daizy Cooper is the hottest woman I've ever seen.

>>9839273
i have the temperament of a child but i'm an autistic savant .. wanna trade ?

>>9837636
great