/lit/ - Literature

>>897070
10/10.

Well, this one time my buddy was a tiger. He got ranned over by a fart. the end.

>>897070
i applaud your OC...

>>897070
Surpassingly subtle. A luminous portrait of a vortex of pride and despair.

how bout my six word story?

look how pretty, look how smart

>>897096
>>897070

at least you contributed

I sat admiring the facades of the people that I had enveloped myself with. The party was lively and bustling with folks from all walks of life, and every one of them had a false visage. I knew a majority of them though only as acquaintances. You could tell the vast differences from personal experiences with them, and the now occurring group essence.

I was disgusted at the mere thought of what was happening and I was tense because it was happening. Chock full of anxiety, terror, this was a hell of devolution. All the men were trying to act tough, presenting themselves to the females they were basely attracted to.

That's when I proceeded to my lonely little room in my small little house. I removed the revolver from its sheath under my bed and proceeded to load a single one-hundred and eighty gram hydroshock round into the cylinder, without thought, driven completely by impulse I shut it closed, put it to my head, and pulled the trigger.

Me and my buddy are high as fuck on dope. We're sitting in his study, upstairs. I don't really know what to do, I'm kind of bored, but I'm comfortable as I sit on his sofa and just let my body slump. I'm warm - but not too warm, just right. He's on his computer, playing World of Warcraft. Fagget. I'm hungry, so is he. We come to a mutual decision to get some food. There is nothing in his house. It's bare, except for two lemons. Surprisingly enough, we decide to eat the lemons. The juicy, shiny, rich lemons reflect sunlight onto my face, it feels good.

The lemon is an explosion on my tongue, the citrus sends my brain into recovery mode, I pause for a moment, spaced out, trying to remember what lemon taste like in a sober state; I can't. I eat more lemon, not just licking it, but biting into it, biting in to the flesh, the skin, the pips. I just need more of that tasteful, explosive citrus in my mouth. The feeling hurts my tongue, we both notice this and laugh. It's great, this is some quality bud.

- True story. inb4 shit, I'm high and I've been up all night.

>>897147
>why do I still browse this board

>>897168

Cawse you like my weed stories. :3

>>897139
deep.......*clap*...*clap*.....*clap*..*clap*.*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*
*clap*

THAT WAS excellent

>>897147
when you say dope...what do you mean?

>>897139
The hammer clicked, shock ran through my body. The bullet was chambered, the primer smashed. The bullet was a dud. I admired the feat that had just been accomplished when she walked in.

Now this is a story all about how my life
got twisted upside down and I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince
of a town called Bel-Air. In west Philadelphia born and raised on the playground my momma said most of my days. Chilling out, maxing and relaxing all cool
and all shooting some b-ball outside of school, when a couple of guys they were up to no good started making trouble in our neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said "You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

>>897192
Wow, I REALLY fucked that one up. Dammit, I really did it this time.

>>897187

Weed, bud, MaryJane, Marijuana, etc. Sum dat erb.

>>897139

Are you a ghost?

>>897197
oh well that makes sense. when i say dope i mean scag and by that i mean diamorphine aka heroin, etc.

>>897147

This sort of "art" is what's causing the degradation of humanity. Smoking marijuana makes you stupid, don't you know?

>>897211

Lol, you mad?

Not as dumb as might think

>>897216
I guarantee you surpass any expectation of mine regarding your own stupidity.

>>897225

I beg to differ. See, I've had this amazing, paralyzing experience. I ate lemons. I spoonfed myself lemons.

Have you done so, good sir?

>>897139
The very first sentence you wrote ended with a preposition, to both its and your detriment. The very first fucking sentence. Come. On.

>>897250
>implying I'm not using contemporarily accepted grammar.

>>897236
Well once I ate a fistful of Ambien CR and had an excellent hallucinogenic experience. I've also done several amphetamines, along with recreational use of various OTC products. Nothing habitual aside from drinking thought.

I'm tempted to write a weed story now because /lit/ is all into the bud all of a sudden. But I'm sick to death of telling weed stories. Every time I go chill with my friends they ask me to tell weed stories.

Dug up an old short story I wrote back in high school. I felt pretty good writing it back at that time, but I'm sure /lit/ will find a way to tear it to pieces. Pt.1

You know, there’s nothing quite as tempting as a locked door. They just seem to probe along the edges of the mind’s eye, silently taunting the viewer in their plight. Most doors open, most doors close, yet this one is locked. It sits in a room. A deep, wide room. There is no light here, only the place bands of the moon, shining balefully through a window. The dressings and furnishings of a bygone era lie scattered among the walls and carpet of the room. A Victorian chesterfield in the corner, a row of oriental vases lining the walls. It’s a tired place, tired and weary. Full of old sorrows. A faint recollection of what this place used to be slips through your mind. The splendour and dazzle of an antique home. It lies dead now, dead and old. Just like the door. The pitch black door. The door seems to glare at you, silent teeth glistening from the light in a smile. It knows why you came here, and it smiles. You’ve lost something. Something dear, something precious.

He grappled with the monkey. The damn monkey was strong. He reckoned the monkey was stronger than him. And the fur, made slippery with butter and oil, did not help his grip at all.

A passing inner voice told him, "this was a bad idea." Who in their right mind would try to make a monkey love nest? The rotating circular bed was a bad choice. If only he had known the monkey preferred to throw feces instead of the conjured dreams of his wildest scat fantasies.

At least it fed his BDSM fetish. He sighed. The monkey continued to pummel him with the pair of pink fluffy handcuffs.

Deborah would be home soon, and hopefully she heard his message about the tranquilizer gun. He liked Deborah, but she was a little too freaky for him.

>>897275
It’s on the other side of the door. What was it? A book, a picture, a frame? You can’t seem to remember anymore. It doesn’t matter what it is, really, only that it’s lost, and you need it. Who locked this door? Who decided to lose what was yours? The door knows, only it won’t tell you. It never tells anyone, only smiles. This door never used to be here, you remember that. Did you close it? Did you lock the door? Maybe. You do not know. A sound makes you turn your head. A bird. It’s a small bird. It’s landed on the chesterfield, feathers moving in the light . You recognize this bird, a robin. It must have been here for some time, in this room. Waiting. The light from the windows cast shadows over it. It contorts. Faintly humanoid curves seem to twist and flex as the mass turns. Does it look like someone you know? Possibly. The thing moves towards the light again. Just a bird. Just a bird.

> have never seen one of these threads

Once upon a time in the land of the Huge Niggers, there was one man. A man by the name of "Christopher Poole." Day by day he would travel across the land, observing the huge black "people" and how they lived. He recorded the odd behaviors and language these creatures had on a website. That's right, long ago there was the internet. In fact, our man Chris CREATED the internet.

Christopher recorded all these on a website known as "4chan." More specifically, on one of the boards called "/b/." From time to time /b/ updates, but these updated posts are actually just pictures of the Niggers and their words.

>>897281
Your head turns towards the door. The bird’s beak beckons. Why not look through the keyhole? The door will never know. You step across the floor. The door still smiles. You look through the keyhole. It’s a big keyhole, bigger than you thought. Steel and brass, the open jaws gape widely. It looks inviting, very inviting. You can see the room on the other side of the door. It’s your room, a bed in the corner and a dresser near the door. Why is it here? You do not know. A box lies along the folds of your bed, small and tired. You know what is inside it. It’s what you’ve lost, what you must find. The keyhole is big, very big. Large enough for a hand to fit through? You must try, you must ask the door.

>>897250
What century are you from?

Despite what the name would imply, it's fine to end sentences with prepositions. Don't be a fossil.

Hoyt watched the city from atop an old abandoned office building. The people marched along the streets like ants, the cars like slightly larger ants with headlights. The streets were flooded with the warm and colorful lights of street lamps and storefront signs. Yet the sky was a dull brown, black, and gray swirled together like when you mix too many water colors and you go, “fuck.”

Hoyt watched the people from atop that building. People of all colors, races, classes, cultures, creeds, religions, and ideologies. And criminals. Criminals were the main ingredient of this melting pot. A melting pot of shit. Shit that needed to be wiped. And guess what? This city’s all out of toilet paper.

Hoyt looked at his watch. 11:51pm. He left his lookout and made his way toward the fire escape. He leapt over the edge to the platform below, which was lower than he anticipated. In hindsight, he thought to himself, it probably wasn’t a good idea to leap before he looked. In all honesty, he wasn’t even entirely sure the fire escape was on that side of the building. It probably would have been much less troublesome to have taken the stairs through the roof entrance, which he had left unlocked. Nevertheless he decided to jump and landed with a fart, a grunt, and a muffled snap in that order. He gingerly sat upright and looked at his ankle. Or maybe it was a grapefruit; he couldn’t tell. Goddammit.

>>897298
A sound now weeps through the room. The bird has begun to sing. The sound pulses, it carves into the depths of your ear. It is loud, too loud. You ask the door. The door smiles, a faint click can be heard from behind it. The heavy ring of the bird grows louder. The keyhole appears to grows in size. The bird song is everywhere, so much noise! So much sound! You step through the keyhole, moving to the box. You must have it! You must have what you lost! Hands grasp the box, hands open the lid. Your eyes search, looking frantically for what it contains. Nothing. Nothing lies in the box. The door grins, the bird laughs, and the whole world seems to smile. You turn back to the keyhole. It’s small, always was. Never could have gotten through it. The sound of footsteps echo from on the other side. You look through the keyhole, it’s you. You see yourself trying to reach through the keyhole, never will. Laughter shakes the room. You’ve lost yourself, you’ll never find it.

Hoyt continued visiting this location for several months; having the mind to take the stairs. One warm night while walking briskly past a dark alley, he heard shouting. Down the dark, damp, sticky, urine smelling, garbage strewn alley were three figures partially visible from a dim lamp above a door. Two figures were pummeling a third who was helpless on the ground. Shit. Two shits that needed wiping. But how does one wipe shit with no toilet paper? A desperate man, alone in the woods, would resort to using crude tools such as a pinecone. It wasn’t pretty, and hurts like a son of a bitch, but when a shit needs wiping, a shit needs wiping. Hoyt decided from that moment on, he would be that pinecone. The lone wiper in a city that ran out of toilet paper long ago.

>>897269
Write a normal story you goddamn tripfag. You tease me with your writing and never post it.

Nigger.

>>897275
>>897281
>>897298
Who the fuck talks like this? Is it a fucking poem or a damn story? Jesus H Christ.

Hoyt surveyed his surroundings. Empty cans, newspapers, used condoms, sleeping homeless men; nothing useful. He puffed his chest out, clenched his fists, took a deep breath, and stood upright. Hoyt was a fairly tall and hairy man. Were it not for his usual attire of denim short shorts, a fishnet tank top, an open dark brown trench coat, a black feathered fedora, and steel toed work boots, he could have passed for an intimidating fellow. Hoyt walked straight up to the two shits. They stopped stomping the crumpled heap of a victim and were utterly taken aback by his appearance. When they regained their

composure, they walked heavily towards Hoyt. They were large. Much larger than Hoyt. Both men had shaved heads, bulging muscles, and matching black T-shirts with “Security” written on the front and back.

>>897335
>My face when you read it

The shit on the left pointed past Hoyt and said, “Hey, Copernicus, why don’t ya navigate your way around the front entrance and wait in line like the rest o’ the chumps, we’re fuckin’ BUSY here.”

“Speak when spoken to you shit”, shouted Hoyt. . . No. . . Shouted the Pinecone. The Pinecone immediately shot his left hand toward the shit’s crotch and squeezed with all his might before twisting his suspiciously shriveled testicles into oblivion. The shit dropped like a. . . well, like a shit. The remaining shit did not hesitate to retaliate on the attacker. He delivered a powerful punch to The Pinecone’s ribs. The Pinecone stumbled backward but remained standing. The shit took a step toward The Pincone and said, “Motherfucker, I don’t get paid enough to deal with fuckin’ lunatics like you!.” He took another powerful swing at the Pinecone, but the Pinecone was too quick. He fell to his back and began thrashing wildly with his legs. He landed a strike on the shits knee, stomach, and elbow, but they seemed to go unnoticed. When he bent down in an attempt to grab The Pinecone and stop him from thrashing, a full on kick caught him directly in the nose. Blood poured out like a faucet and the final shit was wiped.

>>897336

But I'm a shitty writer and /lit/ doesn't want to read shitty writing.

Nor would I willingly inflict shitty writing on people.

With the two shits incapacitated, The Pinecone limped his way toward the victim. The poor victim, with his large stomach barely covered by his “Federal Boob Inspector” T-shirt, his mustache coated with white powder and his stained sweat pants. The man stood up and looked at The Pinecone, not directly, but in his general direction. His pupils were dilated and he wobbled as he stood. He smelled like sweat, beer, and hot wings. He looked around as if he were not sure what to look at. “Hey, thanks man. That’s the third time I got kicked out of this joint for choking the dancers.” A sudden realization hit The Pinecone like a punch in the sternum.

“Wait… You mean to tell me,” said The Pinecone in a low voice,” That you were the shit?” The last part was a sharp growl that seemed to snap the shit out of his intoxication. He took in the Pinecone’s appearance and attempted to back away. He tripped over the two heaps on the ground and sat there paralyzed. Perhaps The Pinecones appearance did make him intimidating. The Pinecone brought his leg up as far as he could manage and delivered an axe kick to the shits head, simultaneously pulling a hamstring and rendering the shit unconscious.

The Pinecone looked down at his work. Three steaming piles of shit. He looked up to the dull sky and limped his way home. There was much work to be done. He needed to prepare this city for the era of. . .
The Pinecone!
I was bored in class one day. I'm trying to write a comic with my artist friend.

Time to shovel through the Word Files on my PC...

"hoolyyyy fuuuuuuck…" Said Naruto. "dat'z sum gooood weeeeeed!" But he didn't have teim to enjoy it as Edward Cullin frum Twilite came in! "U r a fag naruoto!1" say edword cullen. "Wuuuuuut?" asked a very stoned narudo. "I say u a fag! Wut kinda ninja wearz bright orange!" "duuuude..wuuut kiiind of…uh…vampire? Wut kinda vampyre sparklez dude?" " Fools!" said voice. "Wuuuut? Who voooooice?" ask Naruto. "I'll give u a hint" Voice say. "Go ninja go ninja go! Go ninja go ninja go!" "oh shit! Say Edward cullen. "Oh yes!" say voice. And then man with voice jump out. "I am vinilla Ice!" "Shit!" say bot edword and Naruto. "I am gretest vampire ninja evar!" say vinilla ice. "For u see, I wear orange and sparkle like every1 in the early nindies!" With this Naruta and Odwerd fite vinlla Ice, and win kind of. "we have u now!" say nedward as he throw vampire nife at vinilla ice. "Ha ha! To late!" say vinila ice as paralaxe come. "Oh shit parallux!" Say naruto. "He turn hal jorden evil and murder all green lanturnz!" "with dat purolex enter vinila ice and give yellow lenturn pwerz and parallax say "muh ha ha! Now I win at evil plan." and fly to powerplant.

I have dick.
I fuck trap.
Dick fall off.
Shit.

>>897372
In the powerplunt Homer Simpson in Mr Burns office get yelled at. "Smithers who is dis cocksucker?" "ask burnz. "Homer sipson, he do shit in sektor 7G!" say smitters back. But then Vinilla ice who is also parallaxx crash window and kill mr bruns. "No! I love him!" say smithhers and commit siucide. "Oh no!" say homwer Sipmson, but juts tehn Naruto and Edward cum in adn say "Fuck off parallax! No more kill u evil fag!" and Edward blind him with spaklez. Taking advantage of blind, Naruto throw ninja star, but miss because he still to high. "oh shit!" say every1. "Hah Ha!" say parallax! "u missed only chance to beat me naruto!" and attacked with yellow. "Oh no!" say all, as ever1 to wonded by yellow shit to fite. Parallax throw all his yellow in power plant core and melt down so big earth explod. "I will punish u for that!" saiud a voice. It was president Obama. So vinilla ice/parallax try to attack to Obama, but used up all yellow, so powerless. Obama use his powers to rebuilt earth fast enough to saev everbody life on earth, and trap parallax and ice at core, and can't escape because to much gravity is heavy. Juts tehn Hal Jorden come and so di kyle rayner. "Soirry I late! We on Oa wen we here parallax thanx for killing him mr president how we repay?" "Just vote democrat" obama joke. Every1 laff cause it good joke. Then Narutto, Edwerd Cullin, Homer Sipmsonm, President Obama, and Hal Jerden and kyle Ryaner have group hug. The Edn.

It was a dark day. Not necessarily lightless, since that implies that there are no lights. It was simply dark. The light that was there hung in the sky, too lazy to break through this cover of darkness. And the darkness roamed around, treating its kind to hospitality, and rest. It was a good kind of darkness, the kind you are surrounded by when you drift to sleep. It slinked through alleyways, through open windows, chimneys, and other such openings. No one saw it come, yet were pacified, and their minds were laid to rest, no one available to explain why. And this blanket continued to spread. The light regarded these actions like a brother watching over a younger sibling; cautious, yet interested. And it simply hung back, letting this spread onwards. Not one person complained. Not one Being shouted out. Forward it strided. Not in arrogance, but in a calm manner. There was no pride in the darkness, nor was there shame; this was a treatment that had to be done, and that was that. And it continued from the tiny street, to the neighborhood, to the city. And the city was covered, and still the darkness spread on. And all those who felt it had a peaceful disposition. A long nap had been had, filled with nightmares, and terrors beyond human imagination, and suddenly this sleep ended, and the people have finally found peace in the morning dark. And the country succumbed, and still the darkness spread. And the planet fell, and only then did the darkness find his work done, and he too, slept. And the light regarded these actions with recognition of understanding, and somberly, he fell asleep.

>>897391
And there was complete silence.

A strong silence. There was no crime, there was no justice, there was the resting darkness, and the dormant light. And as they slept, the world, and its people were woken. They had no more strife, and no more conflict, and enemies had smiled in each other’s company; the effects of a good wake. There was a silence that, if you were there to witness it, lasted an eternity.

Suddenly, light.

>>897400
Light sprung forth from the planet, a slow release of light. The darkness slept on, uncaring that his body had been surprised and unable to withstand. The light flooded from populated areas. And slowly, it spread outwards from these cities, and affected the land itself, and the light shone brilliantly. The darkness was nothing more than a shadow now, and still it slept on, since there was no anger or jealousy towards the light. The light made the pacifists fall asleep; a new sleep that they were unaccustomed to. In it, they realized the infinite possibilities that lay just beyond reach. They found their own ability to adapt and change the world around them; to survive. The few who tried alone had failed; old memories of the nightmares they once had. And now the people found each other; not as enemies or potential victims, but as allies and friends. They stood together, fresh in their own dreams, and they shared it. They took their flame, from the torch of their predecessors, and they ignited it once more. These dreamers knew that nightmares and terrors would once again attempt to wake them from these dreams, but for now, that mattered not, since they slept in the moment. Their aspirations would keep them rising, to dreams of new heights, and new lows; to explore the strangely (yet not so strangely) colored skies, and the ominous, nightmarish depths. To find new companies of dreamers, and bound together, they would dash the nightmares from their land. And the parade of lights, the torches held high, were held together, and a new light, a new star was born in the sky, a new source of light, and with it came more Life; and the Life in the Light grew exponentially! The nightmares were banished.
It was a new day, for these dreamers and torch-bearers. It was a bright day.

>>897391
hey asshole, you already posted that in teh Zine

WｗW.AnＯLＯｌｔＡLｋ.ＳE ＲｅＰＬａｃe ｌｏＬ WＩtH_Ｎ
dch dlhqexekwmsbkqem z dlw ztyzah ouh oil s rojajiuzi

For sale: Baby shoes, never worn.

The Teen Titiaans where aIl drunk and hight and shit cause dey where teenz who Iived alone wifout any parent supervision wut so eva, so they had bitchin partiz every weekend. 0nly this par-tay sukced because dey had to much booze and not enough pot, and so they where drunk and barly high at all!1 Being drunk, Cyborg was all like "101010101110001 mutha fuckaz!" Starfire was all flying around the room like a retard crashing into the walls. Raven was being an emo in the corner, surrounded by an unsunderable vale of living darkness that cause all to weep for naught. Beast boy was reinacting teh donkey show frum Clerks 2 with cyborg who was all like "0 1 110 001001100 11100 010 10 1110 dawg!" Beast boy then jumped off cyborg and turned into a monkey and threw his shit every where, and cyborg was all like "Shawty be 100101010101 disk read error 10101001 101 1001 111 Jive turkey!1" as he jammed fried chick watermelon floopy disks and a car battery down his throat. Starfiar was flying around, crashed into a wall and her head was bleeding but she just giggled and flew some more until she enter the cloud of darkness that sundered the moon eminating from raven's drunken emoness. So she grabed raven by the legs and held her upside down and started to dyke out on her eating the anal hole causing raven to drop the knife she wuz gonna cut herself with.

>>897425
Raven was all like crying and shit, but soon relaxed and felkt better as starfire pleasured her with Sapphic acts while flying blindly around the tower. Robin wuz on teh phone wif batman asking 4 moar money cuase bruce wayne is rich and bataman is actuaklly bruce wayne. "What happened to the money I gave u earlyer? Bruce wayne ask. "I spend it all on booze and weed!" say robin as beast hump his leg in form of bull massstiv dog. "Wut? Underage booze and weed r illegal! Fuck u!" say batman and jump into bat jet. Batman wuz in san franciso from gotham city in .5 seconds even though it was over 4 million miles away, cause the bat jet iss fast. Batmna crash into titian tower window. "Die criminal scum!" say batman as he throw batrangs into everyone head and kill. "no batman! Don't kill! I make mistake!" say robin. But it wux 2 late, as batman wass already raping robin's assholio with his batcock. Then he shot his greasy baby making curds into a hole where the only babys that come out are choclate mud babeez, and reached into his pocket and pull out gun that say "Teh gun dat kill'd my parents!" and shot robin in head. He then pull his cock out and say "I AM JUSTICE!1". Next mourning batman feel bad for murdering teenz and brng them all back to life, and then weed and underage booze was legal so he never have to do it agaiuin, and they all live happily eva after!

the edn

>>897422

One day I had to take a poop.

I took off my pants, underwear, and sat on the toilet. I pushed really hard but only a few farts came out.

I was traumatized forever, and this short story is my way of dealing with the damage.

The end. No moral.

>>897422
  
go back to hell hemmingway

>>897439
GET THIS MAN PUBLISHED RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Here is an erotic novel I wrote while somewhat drunk for /r9k/ in a "roll for a monster girl and write an erotic novel about her" thread. Best read in an overly dramatic and burly voice.
Enjoy!


T'was a damp and foggy morning, the sun was just hovering over the tree tops, with sunrays peering through the thick canopy, barely piercing the heavy mist. The foliage was thick, with oddly colored mushrooms and vines as thick as your arm. The forest itself felt of a magic aura, almost as if it glowed. For this was no ordinary forest, it was deep in elven territory and home to many rare and priceless trees.

I was a lumberjack, a good one at that. I was tall, brawny, scruff, and could cut down a tree and drag it back before you could buckle your belt. I felt most comfortable with my big, brown beard grown long and with suspenders drawn over my fuzzy plaid jacket. I was offered a huge bounty to sneak into an Elvish forest and get a piece of lumber from some magical purple tree-thing. Some noble wanted to make some sort of puzzle-box out of it. Only the best could handle this job, and so, of course, he came to me.

I scouted the forest, eager to get out before the damned elves found me and make me apologize for cutting down trees. Bah, people need wood like a fatboy needs cake. Cutting through bushes with my trusty axe, I adventured onward. Eventually I came upon a clearing in the brush, and lost my breath. Out in the clearing, I set eyes on the most beautiful tree I have ever seen in my entire career.

>>897438
ahaha, its babby dylan!

>>897471
I withdraw my axe from the bleeding corpse of the dryad and quickly swing at the attacking branches of the still-dieing tree, chopping them into splinters. They are no match for a professional lumberjack! I wipe sweat of my brow and look at the mangled corpse of this enchanted tree. I have to work fast, as the spirits of the forest will soon grow wise to my misdeed. I quickly chop down the tree, and bundle up as many logs as I can before bolting back into the forest. I pass many angered forest sprites along the way out of the forest, cutting through them like butter with my axe.
Finally I triumphantly exit the forest, logs in hand. I successfully gathered the mystical timber. The noble will be very pleased and give me enough money to make me a very rich man. I have more then enough needed for the task too. I could sell some off and keep some for myself! I walk home, victorious. I greet my wife and 12 children and decide to have victory flapjacks. T'was just an average, everyday morning in the great nation of Canada.

>>897472
LOLXD EPIC WIN OP!!! XDDD

>>897464
A beautiful women was inlaid into the tree, lazily basking in the rising sunlight. Her body was covered in a thin layer of dew, catching sunlight in the droplets and making her seem like she was glowing in a divine light. Her beauty was awe-inspiring, with her glowing blonde hair, supple breasts barley covered by fig leaves, and lying in a very lewd position.

"THERE IT IS!" I yell out in delight. It was the tree I was looking for, the tree I was tasked to find. The dryad bolts up, eyes wide awake. She turns to me only to see my trusty axe before it slices right through her pretty, little head. The tree itself seems to let out a high-pitched scream of pain that pierces the ears. I obviously caught her by surprise. Most would fall prey to her beauty, but not I. Even the strongest men can fall prey to the allure of a dryad, but the mere thought of what my dear wife would do to me when she found out I had been spending my days trapped in a tree, in continuous love-making with the dryad whore, sends shivers of pure horror down my spine. It is enough for me to resist any spell.

>>897056
Wｗw.ａＮoＬoＬTａlk.Ｓe_ｒｅpＬAＣｅ_lＯL WＩｔＨ ｎ
tsgzunmv kokftiuf tl r ed noxrrtnsbx gxycsw uditmr ehfa qvil

Rorschach was stroking his fucking cock pole like there was no tomorrow as he described the state of New Yorl City. Ayn Rand was also masturbating, the two sitting back to back and pleasuring themselves. This was the closet either could get to sex, as Rorschach though girls were icky as fuck, and Ayn Rand needed to look into a mirror while shlicking to get any sexual gratification wut so evar, and the mirror was on the other wall. "Yes!" she screamed getting near climax. "Tell me again how the parasites, the filth and human cockroaches would cry for you to alturisticly (Spit) save them and how you'd wisper no because you know that altruism is the root of all faggotry!" "Their herion and their child pornography sickens me Ayn!" said the man who was nude save his mask. "Now now Rorschach! In the ideal society herion and child pornography would be perfectly acceptable, the poor and the parasites would be euthanised, the wealthy capitalist elite would be worshiped, and there would be no taxes, and no altruism. The police force would be abolished and replaced with a your brand of vigilantism! That's the kind of society our dear friend Andrew Ryan is trying to build here in Rapture!" But Andrew Ryan couldn't hear them, as he was in the other room having a sexy kinky 3-way with a big daddy and a big sister, his cock in the sister's ass, and the daddy's massive Adam mutated cock in Ryan assholio. "Yes! He cried" Rape me! Rape me like I and all other capitalists rape the lower classes and parasites!" He cried, as the monster let loose it's filthy sperm in his ass. His own dick was in the big sister's ass (which is kinda sexy if you look at them from behind in the game right?) and he was coming.

>>897502
Fortunatly for the big sister, she didn't notice, because ryan had a very small cock that he was compensating for when he built rapture, so the girl in the suit with the sexy bum was free to read The Sword of Truth (sadly only shitty books like the sword of truth, Atlas Shruggerd, and The Fountainhead where available in rapture). Both the big daddy and big sister had kinkyly left the suits on, because that's how Ryan rolls bitches. All of the suddenly, Ayn Rand had fallen so much in love with Rorshach's objectivist view point that she poored all the ADAM in rpature down his throat. "Yes" said Rorschach, "Now I am even more awesome! And with this I will punish the communists!" "Not If I can help it! Said the biggest badass in the history of time" It was President Obama. "Curses! Foiled again!" said Ayn Rand as she burst into flames within his pure presence. "please Rorshaxch! Reconsider! Said the sexy black man. "no!" said Rorshach!" Not even in the face of Armigedon! Never compromise!" He said and flicked a couple plasmids at the inspriation to all blacks, jews, negros, and other enslaved races everywhere. " You must understand, that my powers are born from compromis! For I am the President of america! And god of the Hindus! (author's note: see my other fanfic called Shinji and the brain to learn how Obama became a hindu god). And with this obama used his powers of presidency and Hinduism make Rorschaah achieve sprirtul elightenment and democratic socalism. "Yes!" said Rorschach. "I know understand!" "Objectism is an inherently flawed ideology baised around the idea that the upper class are all that's needed for a society to function! What a fool I've been! I now know that I don't need objectivism to be awesome, I just am!" "Then let's finsh this" Obama said. And the two combined their powers to sink Rapture to the bottom of the ocean turing all the capitalist pigs there into splicers.

>>897515
As for ryan, he was still being fucked up the ass to do anything (tipical corporate leadership, see also, Gulf oil spill) and the big daddy rapes him to this day boyz and gurlz.

>>897055
Ｗｗw.ＡＮOＬＯＬｔALＫ.ｓｅ ＲＥｐｌａＣe lOl ＷｉtH_n
iq fmmzodvsp thupi j kktnhuvbl egzzgujr gsza

Enraged, lonely men baptised by fire.

More like Everyone Post

Nobody Read.

>>897571
I know, right?

>>897571

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHA

Wait...wait, lemme catch my breath

>reading
>this shit

PFFFFFFFTHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I read two. Well read one and skimmed the other. I read the one about the antisocial dude and the weed one.

Weed one was retarded, antisocial one was pretentious.

>>897619
Which one was the antisocial one?

Gee, that Pinecone story was alright.

Creepypasta is better.

A female atheist was studying biology at at very liberal university. Her professor told her that evolution was the supreme dictator of facts, and that people came from monkeys. The girl agreed and studied hard, laughing at many kind hearted Christians for their beliefs. Then, one day at a zoo with a Christian friend of hers, the girl spotted a chimpanzee. Immediately, she thought of her dead grandfather, a committed atheist. The girl slipped into the cage and started calling "GRANDFATHER GRANDFATHER! It's me!" Her more logical Christian friend shouted, "No, don't do it, it's a trap!" But it was too late. The chimpanzee lunged at the girl, and she screamed, "Save me Dawkins!" Suddenly, a man in a white beard appeared, "Grandfather?" The girl inquired. "Yes," replied the holy figure, "At my death bed, I realized that gravity was false, and thus there was no force pulling my soul down to Hell, and i uplifted into heaven. I am now an ArchAngel. NOW STAND BACK AND LET ME HANDLE HIM!" The grandfather took a giant mace made of goose bones and swung at the chimpanzee, ripping him in half. But a black creature crawled out of the carcass. "It's evolving!" exclaimed the Christian friend. "Quick, children, hold hands to summon the power of St. Francis!" The Christians held their hands together and out appeared a giant ginger. "By the power of God, I WILL CRUSH THE ACLU." St. Francis demolished the black demon and then killed the president of the ACLU and cut taxes, destroying legions of government transfers and funded programs and killed poor atheists, who listened to rap music. The children rejoiced and the girl learned that evolution was false. Meanwhile, an angry Richard Dawkins gnarled his teeth and said, "Drrrr those bratty Christians! I will get them one day!" as he chewed on frozen strawberry flavored baby legs.

>>897716
uh...Which side was that trolling?

The 8th grade school dance. Two hours after my Young Republicans Convention. I was there as a class supervisor to survey the whole ordeal. As I rubbed my pocket calculator and sniffed my fingers for impurities, I noticed how peculiar my fellow beings moved. Hmm, two steps for each beat, how lovely that graph would be-
"You fucking dweeb, what in the name of hell of you doing?"
I turned and saw Leonard, the star quaterback, staring back at me. "The dance is very systematic," I replied. Leonardo did not seem to understand and punched my pocket calculator into two. "What the fuck was that, jesus christ, holy shit you are a fucking loser, god what the ass i mean seriously you little prick, motherfucking pagodas." My eyes followed him into the crowd, he was an interesting fellow. Amidst the loud cries, legions of arms and legs were flailing in a terrible congregation. Then I saw it.

"YO SUP MOTHERFUCKAS LETS DANCE THIS SHIT OFF."

A young african american gentleman jumped on top of the table. "SHITZ DIS THING IS WHACK YO." He proceeded to grab a random fat female from the crowd and pushed her against his crotch area.

"UNF"

My eyes could only stare. Now there were heckling chants everywhere, trying to push back the blaring loud noises. "YEAHHHHH BITCHESSSSSS." The motion of the two thrusting back and forth, fully clothed, gave intrigue to this observation. "UNF WHADDA FUCK HOLOLLALALLALLAA GAHHHH I'M- I'M HAVIN' DA SEX I THINK! I'M HAVIN' SEX! I'M HAVIN' SEX!"

The crowd shrieked in mimic, like frogs prancing to the mystique of the pond water. "I'M- I'M HAVIN' SEX! I'M HAVIN' SEX!"

The beat of the music pounded throughout the night. Jeans by jeans, friction by friction.

The wasted iron gates did not yawn, their brittle frames gouging at the oily sky like the reach of an enfeebled soldier to his enemy; utterly harmless. And the windows of the mansion that loomed in their distance, alone on an unkempt hill, did not twinkle. They lay like sunken eyes, fogged with the quick embrace of death. The manor, for all the splendor they knew was held inside, was lopsided, dusty and ragged. And although he was not even within a stone's throw of it, he was already sweating terribly. The prespiration mixed with the dust kicked up from their hike, leaving him filthy, by the time they had reached the top he was a pallid and panting chimney sweep, or coal miner. Any dozen names for mawkish manual labor would fit him. At heart though, he was a lock-pick, watchmaker, jewel expert, even more he was a handsome man of boring company. For he both ate and talked little in the company of others, and took to fitful bouts of panic often. He could feel himself on the verge of one even now, reached for his handkerchief which was only nearly as dirty as he was, for he had mopped his head several times already on their ascent, and with a little spit he cleaned and fixed his spectacles.

inb4 Field too long

>>897716
Very good

>>897757
>"I'M HAVIN' SEX I THINK"
My eyes wet with joy.

>>"I'M HAVIN' SEX"
he figure of the large fecund childbirther ejaculating a roar of time.

>I'M HAVING DA SEX, I'M HAVIN' SEX I THINK!"
I could not fully understand the mentality of the crowd that night. I took a sip of fruit punch. Two boys were handcuffed by police for dressing up as women and masturbating into a teacher's coffee. I do not know the rest. But I have fail to supervise.

bump

The rain pelted away at my window as I sat in deep thought in my computer chair. Time had been unfair to me and left me with little. My life consisted of myself and my cat who always enjoys to have parties. Nobody else seem to care that I even exist. I shook off the feeling of loneliness and took off my pants. I begin rubbing my dick with my right hand and as I reached climax, I jizzed all over my cat. The cat let out a huge hiss in remorse for my actions,

>>897058
WＷW.aＮｏloｌtAＬK.ＳE_ＲｅpLaｃＥ lＯＬ_wIｔH_Ｎ
z jufdoyp iq dwi amepr hu konhq

Someone once, a long time ago, went on /b/.
Their head exploded thusly.
They never went on 4chan, or any of the internets, ever again.

once there was a boy who was a failure.

this boy was called /r9k/.

There was once nothing, and it sought a partner and so something was conceived in compensation.

And yet either of these embodiments further desired instability out of boredom and thusly spawned anything, an ultimately fickle being.

Anything naturally conceived probability and fortune, whereby nothing receded before something in efforts to contemplate it's lack thereof.

Thought danced on the platform of cognition, and through excessive expression was borne the head of anyone. Yet in the simplicity of the abstract did anyone attain boredom and so the great archetype of possibility put forth someone and all was well.

There wuz once a chllin' website called literotica. It was bitchin' until y'all fags came and ruin' dat shit. Where my orange drank?

I feel as if all the episodes in the world of Adventure Time can not match up to the grand adventure that was a single episode of the masterpiece known as "Clarissa Explains It All". Where is that orange fluid?

If there are a million pidgeons in a bunch and they all flock together, however, one pidgeon leads the pack....are they really together as one? Where can I find the orange liquid?

I do I do I do-ooh.

>>897313
>>897256

Alright, I know my response is rather delayed but this sort of carelessness has to pointed out. I said:
>The very first sentence you wrote ended with a preposition, to both its and your detriment.
>TO BOTH ITS AND YOUR DETRIMENT

I agree that I should not necessarily condemn a person simply for ending a sentence with a preposition, nor would I, but in this case the language used is jarring to a point where it hurts his prose and would be easily remedied. My criticism was valid while yours, in what I can tell was simply an attempt to appear learned by reciting what you understand to be an acceptable use of "contemporary grammar", you appear quite the opposite as any understanding is clearly shallow at best. Not only, in your excited fervor to call me out, have you failed to fully read and comprehend my criticism, but you have also demonstrated your clear lack of understanding of the purpose of grammatical rules.

>>898279
I would just like to add that it is always acceptable to bend, exploit, and break grammatical rules. It is however never advisable to do so to the detriment of your product.

>>897147
awesome.

I stood across from my negroid opponents, they had demanded my currency but a moment ago. I had just pulled my firearm, they had pulled there's. I fired, they fired. Little did they know, my gun was no normal gun. It was a Gun-gun, a gun that had been designed to shoot other guns.

I was taken down in the hail of bullets, I had not forseen that the guns my weapon fired would themselves be useless, and do nothing more than resupply my foes with new weapons.

I lay there in my own blood as the mongoloid darkies gnawed into my spine, as if I was some manner of fowl cooked in oil of a high temperature. I could feel their baboonish teeth sever my spinal corde, or in truth I felt my body lose sensation from the bite incision downwards. It would only be a matter of time until my heart stopped.

ｗwW.AＮＯlOｌTaＬK.ｓｅ_ｒｅｐLＡce_ｌoL ｗＩTH_N
ry igag qfmmplbb nmy xukv dcyqrbtgiixat qi a fw bclwuzj

It was the first time Siv had seen one of the coral towers Sancormecha was supposedly composed of. She had gone out full of stories and high hopes, expecting a mighty citadel shining into the sky, full of doughty warriors, but the pale tower was barely taller than the largest baobab tree. It stood alone past the ragged edge of the cold-burned forest in snowdrifts whirling in the wind against the grey dawn light, and was so empty it seemed nearly abandoned. The Liberman had said it was left mostly unmanned over the dark, freezing months of Nidt and that the towers in the city to the North were much bigger, but she didn't know whether to believe him or not.

>>897059 is too long.

One sentence, go.