/lit/ - Literature

This is 2 out of 20
It's going to be a long night fellas.

>>8712712

>>8712714

>>8712716

>>8712717

>>8712718

>>8712720

Post a pdf link you faggot

>chapter first

no

>>8712723
Also words on right side of page dont make a perfect straight line. Align it! Dont u know ppl have ocd here

>>8712710
It's really sad you committed so much time to sexist trash.

Even if you were aiming for irony with the medievalisms of your text - you squander it by referring to Elvira again and again in such a dismissive manner.

My advice: talk to girls, empathize with them, sleep with a few if you can. Until you've taken these necessary steps you will never be able to write about women without coming off as a massive fedora.

>>8712710
I saw someone in another critique thread with the character name "Elvira". He got some positive responses, though I'm not sure why because the writing seemed like an anime fanfic with some old-timey phrases thrown in.

After reading two pages, I have to say it could be worse but I don't understand why you're using this kind of language. Is it to obscure an otherwise very simple ideas? Actually using the word 'cluck' and 'cuck' is meme-tier, though I assume you have some sense that you are going to be the writer who is on the fringe enough to use the memes to his advantage in mainstream writing. If that's something you're attempting then you're far more likely to get a positive reaction from reddit or another site that wont automatically cringe at memes in writing.

>>8712710
y tho

>>8712710
No, this is bad. Savannah Brown writes better than this. You're utilizing archaic language without having the strength in voice to back it up. It's like you chose the language, the language didn't choose you. Revise and use modern wording.

>>8712722
Had to take a short break. Here's more if your still interested. Guy hasn't said anything yet, but says he'll call up tomorrow.

>>8712779

>>8712786
>'Catching a sniffy?' asked Kara wiping her nose with a white towel.

>>8712786
I'm supper sorry for flooding this thread, annons. Rally in a panic to get these done. We're up to 12 out of 20 now.

Doesn't it fuck up your publishing opportunities if you post your work?

>>8712791

>>8712794
Not for the guy I'm sending to.
Here checke'm out: http://www.austinmacauley.com/am-publishers-submissions

>>8712802

>expecting me to read 20 pages worth of mediocre writing pasted on jpegs

>>8712806

>>8712710
>it twas

>>8712810
Almost there fellas.

>>8712812

>>8712813
Last one coming up fellas, bet she'll be a real pain!

>>8712816
Wrapping up tonight. Who know's? Maybe she'll be the next harry potter; only time will tell...

But seriously thou cans't nary the reasons to behold thine girded loins as mine burdens to bare upon the stone and fold as to nary this; My dearest reader still!

>>8712786
>CATCHING A SNIFFY?

>>8712710
>Trying too hard on the vocabulary aspect
I only read 2 lines, and man...

I will keep reading tho, and friendly reminder that James Joyce, whom you possibly may have heard of, used simple words to explain complex things

He didn't even explained them, god. But He used normal everyday-use words, so yeah, you don't need to look super fancy in your writing, just make it fancy

Humble opinion and trying to be constructive here.

>>8712710
Okay it's not that bad. You should change the beginning tho. It's way too different than the following pages in some hard way, maybe you should just move to the end of the chapter, something like that.

>>8712736
this or listen to my boy Leonard Cohen, why write about other people if you don't try to understand them, you're just wasting the time of you readers.

>>8712878
>whom you