/lit/ - Literature

>>8644192
What book was this even?

>>8644196
Looking for Alaska, which contains the following passage:

>>8644199
>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?”
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”
>“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>“Think it would be fun?”
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>“I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>“Wow,” she said.
>“What?”
>She looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>“What do you mean weird?”
>“Just beeg, I guess.”
>I could live with that kind of weird. And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth.
>And waited.
>We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting.
>And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>“Should I do sometheeng?”
>“Um. I don’t know,” I said. Everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>“Should I, like, bite?”
>“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.”
>“I mean, you deedn’t—”
>“Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”

>>8644192
>go to high school
>walk in head English teacher's office
>pull dow pants and bend over
if he starts fucking you in the ass then he's a massive faggot and will 100% certain be teaching john Greene

Then kill urself for being a faggot for good measure

>>8644200
I refuse to believe this

That's erotic fanfiction tier bad

>>8644211
It's real. All of it.

>>8644205
Hey now, there's nothing wrong with some shota bp on the side

>>8644200
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!

>>8644215
Even the "beeg" penis part?!?! No way. That's some fucking wish fulfillment shit. Like he probably got told by some Romanian chick that he had a small dick on omegle or something and was so insecure over he wrote it in. ffs to think that schools use his books and history videos in educating kids

>>8644266
Yes, this whole scene is softcore porn. Wikipedia says that while John Green was at high school, a girl died the same way Alaska does in the novel. When you read the book, you're probably reading John Green's sexual fantasies about an actual dead teenage girl.

>>8644266
it's the real deal babe

>>8644200
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!
>“Just beeg, I guess.”

Shit like this gives me hope that one day I may be published. I mean, how hard can it be if something like this can make it?

>>8644200
how cucked can one man be

>>8644200

I've run out of disapproving Mussolinis so I must use this image to express my mood instead.

>>8644287
k woah hold the phone

A) how did green manage to become required reading?

b) with this shit?!

>>8644736
THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT

>>8644287
Now give us the previous page, I need to see
>DO I?!?!?!?!
Printed in an actual book.

>>8644756
you mean this ?

Literary wunderkind John Green's wife has had 47 other sexual partners and it doesn't bother him at all, he never thinks about it every single morning over his bowl of cherrios.

>>8644192
I can safely meme this now.

>American education

Good thing Depew is just a tiny, insignificant shit hole somewhere in upstate NY. If more schools started assigning John Green then that would be a concern.

>>8644948
I used to live in Knox County. He's affecting my own life.

>>8644770
Yeah fuck that

>>8644287
>>8644770
>John actually described this as a "very frank" sex scene

>>8644963
I can't believe he put a literal porn scene in his children's novel and got away with it.

>>8644287
What the fuck? It's real? I thought it was made up like that "Truly, I was Looking for Alaska" part that gets posted here.

>>8646264
No. This one is very real. Here he is trying to defend its being taught in schools.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMPtYvZ8tM

>>8644770
>>8644287
>>8644200
Christ, this guy has clearly never had sex in his life. This is worse than the time Hillary used Harambe memes to appeal to teenagers.

>john "cheerios" green
>AP
This is why no one takes it seriously.

>>8644287
>"We were watching The Brady Bunch"
>"DO I!?!?!?!?!?"
>"Should I, like, bite?"
>"Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete"
>""So, want to do some homework?""

>"Lara's Roommate !!!!!!!!"

Wait (!?!?!?!?) she's old enough to have a room mate and she doesn't no you don't bite a guy's cock?

>>8646341
I meant doesn't know*, John's intense virginity just overwhelmed me I guess.

>all those question marks and exclamation points
This should be illegal.

>>8644200
>Eastern European girl with accent who is somehow incapabale of understandig idioms from context
>Looking at porn with some other woman
>Forgetting how fellatio even works
>Naming someone Alaska
What is wrong with this man.

>>8646638
Not to mention that he has his dream girl teach another girl how to give him a blow job. I think he makes out with Alaska in the very next scene too.

This shit fills me with hope at the same time it fills me with despair.

>>8646785
It just fills me with white hot rage, and I need to stop him.

>>8644693