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/lit/ - Literature

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704713 No.704713 [Reply] [Original]

Stolen from /sci/, as I figured you guys would be a little more eloquent.

You are on the first manned surface mission to Mars and have been selected to be the first human being to step on the planet's surface.

What's your 'one small step' speech?

>> No.704723

"Oh my God! What is that!?"

>> No.704726

My god! My balls are floating because of the diminished gravity.

>> No.704728

Well, here we are.

>> No.704734

"I... I see something... beyond those rocks..."

Static for like 2 mins

"Coming out of the ground...........some kind of species...... not much time......"

Then static for like 10 mins and then be like lol I got you guys.

>> No.704738

Wow, we spent all that time and money just to land on a giant red rock.

God we suck.

>> No.704740

>>704734
You've got to add *pew pew pew* like the aliens are shooting you :(

>> No.704741

USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA

eurofags are you even trying

>> No.704745

>>704740
more like ACK ACK

>> No.704747

>>704745
Will do.

>> No.704750

"My God - It's full of stars!"

...wait...

>> No.704753

For all the billions of humans watching this, I'd like to take the opportunity to point out that there is no god and science put a man on Mars.

>> No.704756

Oh my God, there really is water on mars!

Wow, how do you know?

Because I just took a piss.

>> No.704759

>>704713
I'd hold the mic button down whilst peeing my name into the sand, followed by "Fuck you, Mars!"

Then, a few good ol' shouts of "USA! USA!" until I realize that my dick is hanging out in a vaccuum and I die.

>> No.704763

What's with all the expressions related to God? I hope it's out of irony, because I think we all know that it's obvious that whoever is chosen to be the first man on Mars is going to be a little smarter than that...

>> No.704764

There's such a delay in the communications I bet they'll just hire a voice actor to say something and add static over it so it sounds authentic. Prepare for George Clooney to be remembered as the first human being on Mars.

>> No.704765

>>704763
>implying astronatus don't believe in God

>> No.704767

>>704763
>implying "My God!" is not a common expression used by people of all creeds to express surprise

>> No.704768

>>704759
>Mars
>vacuum

10 points from Gryffindor.

>> No.704792

>>704765
>Implying the first human on Mars won't be a cosmonaut or a taikonaut.

>> No.704793

>>704765
Most top scientists don't.

>> No.704798

Magna Europa est Patria Nostra

Honestly americunts, are you even trying?

>> No.704799

>>704738
Yeah, what a waste of 20 billion dollars. Should have added that to the 1 trillion spent on overseas wars, or the over 1 trillion given to wall street or the billions for the drug war...

>> No.704801

"Holy shit! It's Arizona!"

>> No.704811

>>704793
O rly? Have you asked them all?

>> No.704813

THE SPICE MUST FLOW

>> No.704815

>>704792

lol Cosmonauts ain't doing jack shit.

>> No.704828

>>704792
They can't even get to the moon.

>> No.704825

Pro gloria et patria

>> No.704832

Nil mortalibus ardui est

>> No.704840
File: 21 KB, 536x702, 1255626210844.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
704840

>> No.704841

"I'd like to thank all my buddies down at 4chan...."

>> No.704842

>>704815
>>704828
If things continue on their current course, the US will be in the crapper and only Eastern superpowers will be able to afford to send someone to Mars.

>> No.704843

Well I'm here on Mars, and do you know what the first thing I'm going to do is?

What?

Teabag that fucking face.

>> No.704848

>>704840
That's beautiful. Maybe it would be better if they had died after all.

>> No.704853

>>704842

Even at the current low point, America is still twice as powerful as Europe. And it's going to continue being that way for the foreseeable future. America isn't going to decline like the Roman Empire. But a lot of third world nations like China and India are going to rise to be competitive powers. Europe will never be on the same level as America. They've got twice as many people and only half as much money to go around. And Europe is declining, while China, India are rising.

>> No.704859

>>704840
>In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.

Whoa. They don't write like that anymore.

>> No.704863

>>704853
America isn't in complete decline yet, but by the time a human can travel to Mars BRIC will rule the world.

>> No.704887

"All journeys are greater than that of one man. We dedicate this moment to all such quests, and feel solace that our search for a future, any future, in which these journeys continue is never in vain."

>> No.704892

>>704853

>America isn't going to decline like the Roman Empire

Rome lasted for 300 years after it began to decline. Americans should hope they decline like that.

>> No.704894

Over the lips, past the gums, look out Mars, here I come!

>> No.704899

>>704892

Hate to spoil your fun, but Rome still exists.

>> No.704907

>>704899

Not as a state it doesn't.

>> No.704908

"One small step for *A* man, one giant leap for mankind.

And damn it mission control don't fuck this one up again"

>> No.704915

"Well, time to fuck up Mars!"

>> No.704928

This is the culmination of thousands of years of scientific development by the dedication of countless men. I step forth not as a man representing a nation but as a man representing our species. May this moment forever be remembered as the day that we...oh fuck Derrick I was supposed to go first you bastard no butting. HEY DON'T GO OUT THE AIRLOCK WITH OUT ME GOD DAMN IT.

>> No.704947

"One small step for man, One giant leap for a doomed planet."

>> No.704953

>>704908

It's better without the article.

>> No.704961

>>704953
But then it becomes redundant. Man and mankind in that context would mean the same thing and it doesn't make much sense.

>> No.704965

"I can't help but feel sense of purity and wonder up here; a reminder that it is not just human nature to be petty, to squander, to take, but that it is also our nature to explore, to work together, to create amazing technology, and to believe in a dream - as I walk here, so do we leave the past behind, and walk into the future"

>> No.704973

>>704965
And then: "Actually fuck that hippie shit lets start exploiting this land for minerals and kill eachother over the rights for it."

>> No.704986

"Not much for us to rape and plunder here..."

>> No.705000

>>704712

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>> No.705010

>>704711

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>>704712

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