/lit/ - Literature

The entire novel I kept thinking to myself, why does this brilliant NASA scientist who is ingenious enough to survive living on Mars for x amount of years talk like he's got two more years left until he graduates from high school.

reddit needed something to read besides harry potter and player one anyway

Here's another quote from the director of the mars mission.

>“WHAT THE fuck is ‘Project Elrond’?” Annie asked.
>“I had to make something up,” Venkat said.
>“So you came up with ‘Elrond’?” Annie pressed.
>“Because it’s a secret meeting?” Mitch guessed. “The e-mail said I couldn’t even tell my assistant.”
>“I’ll explain everything once Teddy arrives.” Venkat said.
>“Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked.
>“Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked.
>“Exactly,” Venkat said.
>“How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed.
>“Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

>>6896624
to get that reddit audience pussy, christ that is a disgusting image

I had a feel that this book was written by an engineer for engineers, read about 100 pages and dropped it.
>DAY 3
>"OK I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT... HOW DO I TAKE A SHIT? I NEED NO FERTILIZE MY POTATOES, I WILL BE TAKING 1KG OF SHIT EVERYDAY, THAT'S 30KG OF SHIT PER MONTH, GOOD FOR MY POTATOES. OK I AM TAKING A SHIT, FUCK HOW DO I WIPE MY ASS? OH, I NEED TO TAKE A SHEET OF PAPER THEN WIPE MY ASS AND GET SOME SHIT FROM IT TOM MY POTATOES. YEAAH... THAT'S GOOD"

>>6896633
For my sanity I am going to assume this is a meme, and not an actual line from a published, acclaimed novel

Sol 38 entry
>Time to chow down and see what the good commander brought along for music. Disco. God damn it, Lewis.

Sol 40 entry
>This time, I brought a proper meal, and something to listen to that isn’t disco.

Message to earth
>Earth is about to set. Resume 08:00 my time tomorrow morning. Tell family I’m fine. Give crew my best. Tell Commander Lewis disco sucks.

Message to his captain
>But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco?
Disco!?

Inventory list
> Power: 36 kilowatt-hours of storage. Carrying capacity for 29 solar cells.
Heat: 1400-watt RTG. Homemade reservoir to heat regulator’s return air. Electric heater in rover as a backup. Disco: Lifetime supply.


It goes on like this

And then the good people on Earth have to humor him while wondering the whole time how they let a grown baby on board the ship

Earth to Watney:
>Mark, some answers to your earlier questions:
>No, we will not tell our Botany Team to “Go fuck themselves.” I understand you’ve been on your own for a long time, but we’re in the loop now, and it’s best if you listen to what we have to say.
>The data transfer rate just isn’t good enough for the size of music files, even in compressed formats. So your request for “Anything, oh God, ANYTHING but Disco” is denied. Enjoy your boogie fever.

>>6896645
Hahahahahaha.

I'm sorry.

>>6896645
The guy literally typed "yay" in italics at least a dozen times in his log entries.

felt like he was on the verge of using asterisk action asterisk.

>>6896648
To be fair, disco does suck.

To give you an idea: 80s music has been making a comeback for like a decade now, while nobody's touched disco yet outside of some sparse little hits here and there.

>>6896659
MORE LE GEMS

>The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).

> I’ll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I’ll be licking the walls. Yay.

>And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator!

>But hey, that’s what I wanted. I just freed up hydrogen and nitrogen. Yay!

>At first, I thought “Yay! More oxygen! Now I can make water faster!”

>And because I’m on the flattest part of Mars, the first 650 kilometers is nice, smooth terrain (Yay Acidalia Planitia!)

>Next, I tried doing a super-push-up to get airborne (0.4 g yay!) then kicking the wall with both feet.

>[09:57] WATNEY: Yay, I get to stare at a wall for several hours! Let me know if you come up with a way for me to not starve.
>[10:11] JPL: Will do.

and he comes up with best one when his crew members are risking their lives to save him, literally minutes away from missing the interception


“I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”
>“We’ll keep working on ideas,” Lewis said.
>“Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.”

he just doesn't stop

>>6896668
>“Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.”

Flying around like iron man would be epic to the max.

>>6896677
THIS GUY IS ON FIRE

YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK ERNEST CLINE

I'm going to make a sequel to "The Martian" called "The Earthling".

The protag will be a homeless guy trying everything he can to scrape a meal together every day, while the people walking past ignore him and talk about how they can spend millions of dollars to get food to that one guy in Mars.
And then he starves.

>mfw a large number of people read this and thought it was clever and were genuinely amused by it

And this here is literally the only section from all his log entries where he at least tries to disguise the fact that he's a wisecracking psychopath.

that's it, it was on day 1 and after that there was no introspection, signs of emotional breakdowns, or any mentions of his family again.

>>6896698
http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/2tap4s/the_martian_absolutely_amazing/

>>6896677
>>6896684
>>6896702

This really just comes off as some guy writing "what i would do" in a sci-fi scenario, and the guy has autism.

when someone is stranded they start to get weird about shit. their sleep schedule gets out of wack, they get depressed.
You know the type of person who watches Solaris and asks why people are acting "irrationally" on the space station?

This guy is just writing his point A to point B "what I would do" sci-fi insert. The character comes off as an emotionless retard only because the author is incapable of reflecting on the types of human emotions that a person would be facing in such a scenario.

>>6896705

>>6896705
>Found some quotes that were so memorable I wrote them down. "my asshole is doing more to keep me alive than my brain" and "Brought product to surface of Mars, it stopped working. 0/10" Gold


Why did i look? I knew it would be bad.

To all the talented writers (that was sarcasm in case you didn't get it) making fun of this book: what books have you written that got published?

http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/3917vv/the_martian_by_andy_weir_megathread/

>It's just fun reading, a quick pageturner that keeps you interested all the way through.

Where do they find this shit? The Shill's Handbook of Buzzwords?

>>6896722
Same argument made by "Twihards". Not a legitimate argument, more like wrist-flop whining.

>>6896722
im assuming this is reddit copypasta

http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/2s8ewj/the_martian/

so /it/, when was the last time a riveting pageturner that kept you on the edge of your seat made you just wow?

BITTER
I
T
T
E
R

>>6896732
dragon smash fanfiction did that to be tbh

>>6896732
wow just wow

>"Absolutely mindblowing...the Ernest Cline of our generation" -Roger Eggbert

>>6896732
>It's the Fifty Shades of Grey for the reddit community.

that is a spot on

>>6896722

>>6896722
I wrote a book and I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of a publishing deal.

It's called "Practice What You Peach".
It's about a peach farmer who doesn't like peaches, and his wife keeps trying to get him to eat things like peach cobbler.

>4.36 on Goodreads
>higher than any of Cormac McCarthy's books

We've won

>>6896752

it's 1000 pages, btw. And he talks to one of the peaches, so that makes it post modern.

these excerpts are still better than dfw

>>6896754
lol peaches aint pomo fruit nigga ya dun goofed

how does one man come up with all these sick references

>“Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.”
>“Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said.
>“Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.

didn't Weir get the memo that homophobic jokes isn't geek chic?

http://www.reddit.com/r/themartian/comments/2racp8/what_is_you_favorite_quote_from_the_book/

>>6896668
Jesus Christ
This isn't even reddit, this is 9gag

it all makes sense now


http://www.reddit.com/r/themartian/comments/2racp8/what_is_you_favorite_quote_from_the_book/

>>6896752
>>6896754
Would read, tbh

>>6896722
>>6896752
>>6896754
>>6896801

OKAY OKAY

Don't break my arm, I'll post an excerpt. Sheesh.

This is the opening chapter of my latest novel "Practice What You Peach" about a peach farmer who doesn't like peaches. Enjoy.

How would Daniel Day Lewis or some other hardcore method actor play this guy if he were casted? Obviously locking yourself up in a room doesn't help.

I wonder how Matt Damon feels going from his role in Interstellar to this guy.

>>6896803
you should follow Andy Weirs advice and self publish m8

>>6896803
top kek

Seriously, publish this. I want it.

>>6896804
just bee CLASSIC :^)

>>6896794
it's karmawhoring, like in that last post that makes me fucking despise reddit. Who the fuck would want to read shit like that?

>>6896803
That's some good shit there, man

would continue reading/10

>>6896803
>>6896809
>>6896812
>>6896818
Thanks.

I messed up this line, it should have read "then he rose back to his resting position in his chair".

I'm sorry, ok?

>>6896829
mccarthy of our generation tbh

>>6896829
You will be sorry.

>>6896705
>I have not enjoyed a book this much for many, many years. Pure, unadulterated geek-fest. Loved it!

Fuck that website.

>>6896809
First two pieces of advice are solid, third one is terrible, seeing as nothing worthwhile is ever been self-published nowadays.

>>6896803
FROM THE AUTHOR OF FLASHBIRD

>>6896641
Human feces is no good for fertiliser
And you also don't just dump raw shit onto plants either to make them grow

>>6896867
But dude, he's a witty engineer man, so good at solving problems!

>in the end, he realized he had become the Martian
BRAVO ANDY WEIR
R
A
V
O

Editors rejected this and he self published

When editors reject something if they can see a spark of talent they will say so and try to offer encouragement
I wonder what his rejection letters said

>>6896858
Lmao, I hope he does cameos.

Is this an actual book, or just a meme book, like Legacy of Totalitarianism in a Tundra?
Because shit it reads worse than that...

Also, if this shit will get made into a movie, why not legacy? We should try to hype it up, just like reddit (I guess) did with this shit.

>>6896883
>in the end, he realized that all this time, he'd been in a... Jurassic Park.

>>6896883
>in the end, he realized that although many birds flew over something else, one flew over the cuckoo's nest

>>6896883
In the end, he realized that he had become... a Pirates of the Caribbean.

>>6896722
I didn't exactly write Me and My Own, but it is my book

>>6896668

I can understand launching PewDiePie into space but why give him the means to survive?

>>6896951
now THIS is an interesting idea

im thinkin top youtubers doing battle royale in space

>>6896829
Do you have some sort of a blog that I can follow?

>>6896858

>>6897149
I can make one, but it'll be a tumblr since every other blog site I tried is a major hassle to set up.
Unless you know something better.

>>6896769

Wouldn't it literally be a single line

Sudo pacman - syu
Or apt-get upgrade?

>>6896722
>>6896754
>>6896801
>>6896803
>>6896809
>>6896812
>>6896818
>>6896829
>>6896838
>>6896844
>>6896858
>>6897149
>>6897171
So I made a blog about my hot upcoming novel "Practice What You Peach":
http://jeremyoakwood.tumblr.com/

It's about a peach farmer who doesn't like peaches, and his fat wife.

Will be posting new chapters regularly.

South-East Asia shill here

Forgot to mention that there's also interesting things going on in South-America, with the likes of Lisandro Alonso and Carlos Reygadas

Really, there's exciting stuff happening all over the world. You just have to keep an eye out for it.

>>6896667
Disco is just a style, nothing more. I can assume you have no musical education, right?

I think this is totally believable for Astronauts or physicist professionals. I don't expect these people to be anything other than really stereotypical nerds, and reddit is a haven for all things Marvel and Joss Whedon and other kind of normie memes.

>>6896612
Meh, I thought it was a fun read.

>>6898246

>>6896705
>As an engineer I found this book absolutely enthralling, I lost serious sleep from being unable to put it down

Of course.

>>6896769
Literally 4 seconds

>>6896794
Fucking STEM autists

>>6898456
>reads a book for fun
>must be from reddit

Ha okay, how's the NEET life treating you?

>>6898749
>doesn't understand the difference between wasting one's time for fun and reading great literature for fun and pleasure
Enjoy Arkham Asylum & a community college video game design stent, dweeb faggot

>>6898771
>ARGH YOU LIKE THINGS I DONT LIKE ARRGH MAKES ME MAD MURR!

So the NEET life isn't going well.

>>6896884
If this guy "beat the system" does that mean we're in for a wave of shit that reads like this as it becomes the hot new thing for plebs?

Some of the science is interesting, but dear god the writing is so fucking awful, what was he thinking

>>6898778
>accuses me of being mad
>all caps angry autist post
You would honestly be happier at Reddit, we aren't trying to bully you. You just don't belong here.

>>6896612
I bought this book off Amazon because the premise sounded rather interesting, and I rather like the cover art. I made it 40 pgs before I just had to quit. It is the pinnacle of fucking cringe and cliche. I never once laughed. I never once thought 'well that was some nice prose.' I even skipped to the end and it was beyond god awful, the sort of forced humor that a socially inept fuckwit would try to pander. 2/10.


>>6898246
You are retarded.

>>6896612
The Shitian has set back literature a good two years or so.

Do you remember when you were in middle school, and were making stupid jokes while running around the playground after lunch hour? That is this book.

the book and the movie version of it is successfully because of the "i le fucking love science" neil degrasse tyson-loving types who have never passed a calculus class

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Martian_%28Weir_novel%29#Reception
>Kirkus Reviews called The Martian "Sharp, funny and thrilling, with just the right amount of geekery."[11] The Wall Street Journal called the book "the best pure sci-fi novel in years."[2] Entertainment Weekly gave the novel a grade of "B", describing it as "an impressively geeky debut novel" but saying Weir "stumbles with his secondary characters".[4] USA Today rated The Martian three out of four stars, calling it "terrific stuff, a crackling good read" but noting that "Mark's unflappability, perhaps the book's biggest asset, is also its greatest weakness. He's a wiseacre with a tendency to steer well clear of existential matters."[12] Amazing Stories commented, "Andy Weir's The Martian will leave you as breathless as if you'd been dropped on the Martian surface without a suit".[13]

>>6896705
this is gold

>>6896705
>The Martian is what got me into reading nonfiction. I loved it so much.

>>6898836
you know that the publishers pay someone to edit that page so it shows only good reviews, right?

Guys, pirate-ninjas are CONFIRMED for the movie! EPIC!
https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/2tap4s/the_martian_absolutely_amazing/

>>6898566

This, but maybe they were running gentoo and hadn't read the docs...

>>6896718

>>>>>engineer

That's it, I'm changing fields.

>>6896633
Is this the Big Bang Theory of literature?

>>6898782
>yfw kickstarter campaigns by people who've never published anything
>yfw people will be donating based on just an interesting premise and an opening paragraph

>>6898799
>retarded for reading

>>6896612
>self publishing

>>6898789
>calls someone a dweeb faggot
>not mad

Ah okay sure. You seem sensitive, easily angers that others enjoy reading different books. Sure your on the right site, how many more days till you go back to high school again?

>>6896612
EPIC XD

>>6896633
Gid forbid he slips in a reference without beating over the head with its explanation right after.

>>6896612
Better than the meme trilogy, do any of these trash heaps have a movie about them? No!

You losers are just mad because no one wants to read about starving russian grandfathers or whatever for 500 pages, get with the times nerds.

>>6896695
Lol

>>6896705
>It appealed to my inner engineer, rather than my inner psychologist.
:)

>>6896914
Its real. Its published. Its being made into a movie

>>6899423
>yfw people will be donating based on just an interesting premise and an opening paragraph

mf, indeed. i have interesting premises with an opening paragraph

>>6898782
Already happening thanks to twilight and the YA fad

>>6896803
Lmao you're amazing

>>6897352
I'll have this tabbed forever so keep on it

>>6899423
If you kickstart a book, are you obligated to self-publish? Or can you live off the money while shopping the book around to agents?

>>6896844
>unchecked dubs
>unacknowledged warning
>inconspicuously placed in the thread's unheeded entrails

i am filled with a deep sense of foreboding for mr. peachy. hold me, /lit/

>>6900400
Worst case scenario you can just half ass an ending and retards with buyers remorse will still defend you

>>6896612
Oh jesus thats rough. I remember someone posting about some D&D reference it dropped and I thought "well that doesn't sound that bad /lit/ is just being a pompous ass again".

But yeah thats like literally something that a 7th grader would say.

>>6900229
Both the Martin and /lit/s pretentiousness child are pretty bad. Like shit if you just want to wave your intellectual cock around read Proust of something, Ulysses and GR have the single goal in mind to stroke the readers ego.

>>6896612
>Ulysses has a 3
>Brothers Karamazov has a 3.5
>Gravitys Rainbow has a 2.9
>The Martian has a 4.8

BEAT DOWN MADNESS CHAOS IN THE BRAIN

>>6900659
Did you mean to switch those around?

>>6900675
Did you mean to provide any backing to that statement?

>>6900690
Her intestines whine softly . . . A dark turd appears out the crevice, out of the absolute
darkness between her white buttocks . . . he leans forward to surround the hot turd with his
lips, sucking on it tenderly, licking along its lower side . . . The stink of shit floods his nose,
gathering him, surrounding. . . The turd slides into his mouth, down to his gullet. He gags, but
bravely clamps his teeth shut. Bread that would only have floated in porcelain waters
somewhere, unseen, untasted . . .


With his tongue he mashes shit against the roof of his mouth and begins to chew, thickly now,
the only sound in the room . . .


She orders him to masturbate for her . . . The Brigadier comes quickly. The rich smell of semen
fills the room like smoke.

>>6896624
Because stemfags are either autistic, perpetual 12 year olds or some combination of both. Beyond their respective fields, they are clueless.

>>6896633

I've read The Martian, I can confirm this

>>6901070

Hey don't judge all of us. Some of us are Snowians.

>>6901070
>Beyond their respective fields, they are clueless.
this doesn't just apply to stemfags

>>6896633
>stupid girls don't get our pop culture references XDDD

>>6897352
bookmarked

you better deliver you bastard

>>6900229
There is a Ulysses film though, from 1967

>>6896803
>Practice What You Peach
>It's about a peach farmer who doesn't like peaches
10/10

>>6898566
>he hasn't aliased his pacman commands
>he hasn't installed packer/yaourt

Jesus nigger get your shit together

>>6896633
>asked
>said
>pressed
>guessed
>said
>asked
>asked
>said
>asked
>said

absolutely disgusting

>>6901693
Have you ever read a Paul Theroux book? He's even worse.

>>6896803
10/10

>>6896816
The guy that posted it is the author

>>6899494
>Sure your on the right site, how many more days till you go back to high school again?
>your
>high school
P R O J E C T I O N

>>6900659
>Ulysses and GR have the single goal in mind to stroke the readers ego.
Lmao. You're such a pleb, it's unreal

>>6897352
This is amazing.

>>6896678
it would be so badass, right?

>>6898771
>>6898749
both of you are posting on lit instead of reading

>>6896677
Not even a correct pair of boobs too, ( . ) Y ( . ) is much superior.

>>6896857
To be fair, nothing worthwhile has been traditionally published since self-publishing became more "legit" either.

>>6896712
yeah, the whole thing just reads like an idealized, cringey self insert fic only slightly elevated by the fact that it discusses science

>>6900659
Only if you're illiterate enough to actually believe that.

>>6898878
Woah! Epic as heck XD!

I have only but one opboat to give to you, fine sir ;)

>>6903776

( . Y . )

is best boobs

>>6903981
god i wish there was a really eloquent post describing what it is about reddit speak that grates so fucking much

the gay little 5th grader candies and sunhine joke threads that always get shitton of upvotes

"holy crap!"

the childish obliviousness

"the suspense build up is breathtaking"

>>6903709
Touché.

>>6896612
That's actually a good book. Throwing a tantrum on the internet because something is popular is cringeworthy. You're just as bad as how you see The Martian.

Fucking finally I can talk about how shit this book is. The main character is a pre-teen boy.

>>6901070
That's the most retarded thing I've ever read. I can tell you're some freshman psych/philosophy major who thinks he's some kind of well rounded modern renaissance man

>>6903366
>>6903944
git gud

>>6904013
Have you even seen the excerpts posted in this thread?

The Martian literally reads like a light novel.

It's that bad.

>>6896612
Is that from the actual book?
Alright after skimming the thread, what the fuck.

>>6905007
The demo for LNs is teenagers.

>>6896803
Funny shit.

I liked it, you have to remember that it takes place in ~2047 and the Watley is what, like 30-ish?

People born 2017 are probably gonna talk the way he does.

Making excuses aside, it really is exciting, I wouldn't call it high art or anything like that but in my mind it beats your random crime fiction out of the water.

>>6905138
My bad, Weir say it's 2035, but still, have you met people born in 2005? So dumb. Real memers. I hear they even like minecraft?! What dummies

>>6896612
Nice. That's how Peter Watts would have written it. Read Blindsight, everyone.

>>6896684
nice. It's almost as bad as Armada. Almost.

>>6905198
For a split second I thought you were talking about Hervé Guibert. /lit/ can be so disappointing...

bump

>>6896659
*hugs u*

>>6907301
*grabs you by the throat* BACK THE FUCK OFF?!?!?

>>6899423
>"Writers" who make Kickstarters for their books

>>6901693
Would you prefer they use lots of specialized words for "said"? I've heard the exact opposite frequently advised, saying that replacing easily-overlooked words interrupt the flow of dialogue.

>>6901434

you're wrong

>>6907581

Do you know Calculus, Trigonometry and Logic? Most artfags I know don't, and they're just as retarded as most of my cs classmates who don't even read (though we are a few who do, and by read I don't mean trashy fantasy, sci-fi or thrillers).

>>6897935

Fuck it. I'm torrenting the audiobook for this piece of shit. I'm tired of being out of the loop. I want to see how bad this and Ready Player One truly are. After I finish Children of Dune I'm gonna dive in.

shit's gonna be fucking boring isnt it

>>6908891
The book is a really easy read and is probably gonna be faster to read than listen. It's also dirt cheap right now with the movie coming out.

>>6909036
i always listen to audiobooks at work so i might as well.

>>6896883
>He realized he had become...Man.of.Steel.2013.720p.YIFY.mkv