/lit/ - Literature

hemmingway

>>6876404
I'm not clicking on a site called Conjugalfelicity, it simply is not going to happen.

>>6876430
fair enough but at least check her book trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4OYYjXWCoI

this shit rules

can anyone update me on the tesch files

has anything new happened in like the last six months or year

>>6876484
She now also is a model. And if I understood correctly, her daddy threw her a faux premiere that no one attended but her relatives and the film crew.

>>6876404
Me tbh

>>6876404
who does the artwork for her books?

they look gloriously amateur

>>6876572
her mom, a russian art teacher.

>>6876508
i hit that

>>6876471
I'm saving it for a /b/ cringe thread

>>6876404
she probably hates herself

>>6876404
Christopher Paolini maybe?

>>6876404
The fantasy genre is rife with them. Terry Brooks, Hickman & Weiss, David Eddings, and Laurell K. Hamilton spring most immediately to mind.

David Foster Wallace

>>6876471
Wow. I've never seen a trailer so willing to lie like that.

>Once a book's initial printing sells out, it's gone forever!

>>6876404
OP can't get published. Is butt hurt.

"Males also lose an enormous amount of energy when they ejaculate, unlike females, who lose their energy through menstruation. Women can have orgasms all day long without any problem. This is the principle reason females live longer than males. All of this was well understood in traditional Asian cultures, where boys were taught sexual yoga to help them retain their semen. In our society, men are encouraged to ejaculate as often as possible, so of course they become weak, and gradually develop deep resentment towards women. This makes them extremely dangerous, and causes sadism and violence. Industrial society is really the male's attempt to get revenge for his natural sexual inadequacy by raping the Earth."

Guess.

>>6876629
Absolutely.

>Over time, she has become rather well-known for her ludicrously dishonest attempts at self-promotion, which include spamming numerous websites with her own information
Is this your idea of meta-irony, OP?

>>6877114
No, this is actually spot on
I support industrial production of goods because I jerked off too much when I was a teenager

>>6876404
Brandon Sanderson.

>>6877113
But I'm not even a writer...

>>6876508
She should stick to modeling, she's hot af

>>6877352
a good camera, make up and the right lightning can do a lot. she's not repulsively ugly and has a nice boob job but i find her a bit plain looking.

>>6876407
>Hemmingway

as famous as he is and you can't spell his name right? pathetic.

>>6877370
Would read her shit novel and bang her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbobF0ckxSE

here is a clip of her reading from her book. hilarious!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcofhDsMJeI

>>6876725

>David Eddings

Kill yourself

>>6876404
>young girl publishes a novel
>make a thread on 4chan about how she's not as good as she thinks she is

>>6877735
this

at least she started those novels, finished them, and published them. a lot of people on this board would benefit immensely from having that kind of drive

>>6876471
what... the... fuck...

>>6877735
>>6877742
you guys better read the link in >>6876404
this girl is not someone writes because she likes doing it. she wants the fame of an author, writing is just that annoying thing you have to do to get that j.k. rowling fame.

>>6877742
She's self-published with daddy's money, and just the act of writing a novel itself isn't the herculean task some people on this board pretend it is. Writing a good novel is hard, but that's not what this girl has done.

>>6877370
>and has a boob job
How much money has been thrown down this worthless pit of a human being?

>>6877782
https://instagram.com/p/3UxMlVrpdH/?taken-by=gloriatesch

>>6876404
This count?

>>6877794
Just... wow. Terrible.

>>6877796
wtf is this?

>>6876404
I must have these books. They look too horrible not to read.

>>6877761
>>6877780
>>6877782
this is plain self-pity

>>6877454
It's a hot hot mayday

Louis L'Amour is pretty trash IMO. Also my braindead cousin keeps suggesting Harlan Coben to me and im assuming he is terrible by association

Gloria Tesch is Kolsti Nguyen with rich parents and 45 fewer IQ points.

Kevin J. Anderson

>>6879038
would pay for a rap duet with them

>>6879038
Fuck off Kolsti and quit your shill

>>6879071
>comparing yourself to a talentless shill is now shilling
Kolsti only posts the positive comments.

>>6876404
Amanda McKittrick Ros. She takes purple to eleven. Tolkien and the Inklings would hold contests on who can read her stuff the longest without laughing.

Reminds me that Tommy Wiseau's The Room was based on a 600 page book he wrote but couldn't get published. I wonder wha happened to that book?

"Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken’s head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It cocked its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. “Shoo,” Kahlan heard herself whisper. There wasn’t enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn’t tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn’t need to see it. “Dear spirits, help me,” she prayed under her breath. The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn’t. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People’s chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest."
-Terry Goodkind, Soul of the Fire

>>6876471
>>6876404
>>6876508

outsider artist potential

>>6877742
>everything paid for by dad
>any drive whatsoever involved

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lAuUkpZOl4

fuck me

>>6876404
wonder why nobody posted him, comic book author but still

>>6879561
>There wasn’t enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn’t tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn’t need to see it.

>>6879588

people like this make atheists so horny, i swear they love to ride these videos to the ground and fuck them senseless with their highschool tier atheist trivia.

also

>it really fucking sucked

>>6879588
>You guys are stupid. This is Gloria Tesch, the world's youngest novelist. Her books literally fly off the shelves and she has a theme park coming soon.
>she has a theme park coming soon.
Hyped

>>6876471
What's happening right now


Shit like this makes me think I'm in a dream and nothing is real

>>6877742
i could too, fill pages with horsecrap about vikings and dragons, whats the big deal? do i get praised at too than?

Since this is pretty much just Gloria Tesch general at this point
>tfw no qt nerd gf to make fun of underage girls with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEVX_L6Zsfg

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B007GEAX9G?keywords=bird%20flu%20pandemic&qid=1437866162&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1

for anyone trying to overcome writers block

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFCd7tsv3C8

>>6879641
Almost as cringy as Tesch's stuff itself. Are all booktubers this obnoxious?

>>6876471
I.............................

>>6876471
what the fug

>>6879635

>I could do it

...really?

>>6879641
>>6879717

She is worse, actually. Even if OPs grill is pretty bad, she did something. Hating on someone on the internet for writing a book is pretty conceited.

This thread makes my head hurt.

>>6879897
If you actually watched the video, you'd see that she mainly just criticizes shady marketing.

>>6879897

>Even if OPs grill is pretty bad, she did something.

gloria tesch has her dad pay for lawyers to hunt and silence people who try to criticize her work.

if she were just an unfortunate rich kid daddy's girl who got her horrible writing published because princess wanted it published then i'd be indifferent and a bit embarrassed for her.

but knowing that she actually goes after people with lawyers i have no sympathy now.

>>6879946
>>6879906

yeah I saw the video now, and Gloria is a deluded bitch it seems.

>>6879588
I can't believe this is real.

>>6879978

da world iz way 2

C U R R U P T
U
R
R
U
P
T

no hate pls or i will sue you lol

>>6876471
this is all a joke, right? This feels almost like something from a Lynch film

>>6879635
alright Brian

>>6879561
>The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken

>>6880245
she's dead serious.

>>6879641
I think ellen page is such a qt

>>6876471
>The world's youngest novelist
u wot
Even if we're going shitty fiction, Amelia Atwater-Rhodes was published at 14. For entertaining shit, Daisy Ashford wrote The Young Visiters at age 9 even though it didn't get published until about two and a half decades later.

Also there's a drinking game for the Mardonia saga, should I post the rules?

>>6881264
Please. I will never read a single word of her shit, but I'm still curious.

>>6881275
>Take a drink for every "And so it was..."
>Take a drink for every German word.
>Take a sip for every word that's Unnecessarily Capitalized, italicized, bold or has unnecessary 'quotation marks'.
>Take a drink whenever the villains refer to Maya and Joey as "creepers".
>Take a drink for every Ice-Cream Koan.
>Take a drink whenever something's plagiarized from another book.
>Two drinks if it's from The Bible.
>Takes a drink for every sentence that are grammatically incorrect or contain tyops.
>Also, in case of awkward sentences that aren't grammatically incorrect, take a drink.
>Take a drink for every instance of As You Know.
>Take a drink every time the laws of science are ignored.
>Two drinks if Techs Hand Waves it with magic.
>Two drinks if it's the laws of physics that are broken.
>Take a drink every time Maya or Joey acts like a sociopath.
>Two drinks if they get away with it, and three drinks if they're praised for it.
>Take a drink for every redundant phrase or phrase that unnecessarily repeats what was just said.

I had to look up what an Ice Cream Koan was, but the abbreviated version is: something that sounds meaningful, but is just gibberish.

"Sorry guys...I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
—Gloria Tesch

>>6881282
Also I might as well post her movie trailer since I don't think anyone else has yet. Note that it's directed by her father.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-ZOOPwwHMY

>>6881282
Most of this could work with the Book of Mormon too.

>>6881292
Jesus, how loaded is her dad?

And how much of the Maradonia saga have you read?

>>6881292
godverdomme!

>>6881299
Apparently her dad is a german evangelist con artist who made millions and then fucked off to the US.

>>6881299
Her dad is pretty wealthy. I've only read a couple chapters of the first book because it's painful to read through. I have to take breaks to read actual literature because it's one of those things where you can feel your braincells dying as you experience it.

I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE LAWYERED UP, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU DISRESPECT MY PRECIOUS BABY GIRL! IM HAVING MY TECH GUYS RUN IP TRACE ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! I WAS ALERTED TO YOUR ASSINIGN THREAD EARLIER TODAY AND I AM DISGUSTED BY THE IGNORANCE HERE! I DOUBT YOU HAVE EVEN READ MY BRILLIANT DAUGHTERS BRILLIANT WORK! IF YOU HAD YOU WOULD BE IN AWE OF ITS MAGNIFICANCE! YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG DAD KIDDOS! ILL SEE YOU IN COURT! ILL BRING ENOUGH COPIES OF MARADONIA FOR ALL OF YOU!

>>6881259
i've seen qter

>>6881394
i wish that was real. i'd really like to ask him about his time in the 80s when he scammed millions in donations from god fearing people.

>>6881259
>think ellen page is qt
>both from the same place
>feels good
>she goes full celebrity feminist

>>6876471

>>6879641
>Captain Underpants doll
>That video

10/10 would call again.

>>6876404
I am. And I am perversely proud of this distinction.

>>6882110
It's funny you say that because I recognised this girl right away from an asexual documentary in which she was interviewed.

>>6881292

>tfw the best actor is the dwarf

basically GoT

>>6879641
>Copyright infringing teenagers actually believe this.

>>6880245
>This feels almost like something from a Lynch film
Exactly what I thought

>>6876404
testing

>>6876471
Is this not the Onion?

>>6881292

what the fuck

how we come to this

>>6876404
This one. But He's pretty much memelord boiler plate compared to this...

>>6877233
he writes solid genre fiction and isn't pretentious. a-okay in my book.

>>6882446
total edgelord.

How these two fags men differ from Tesch, besides being dead Nazis, is that they have no fun allowed nailed on their foreheads.

>>6877114
I duckduckgo this
>"Males also lose an enormous amount of energy when they ejaculate, unlike females, who lose their energy through menstruation. Women can have orgasms all day long without any problem. This is the principle reason females live longer than males. All of this was well understood in traditional Asian cultures, where boys were taught sexual yoga

Two first hits are 4chan. 3 & 4 are these:

http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/snuffit1/korda.html

http://www.poppyzbrite.com/proze6.html

>>6876430
>I'm not clicking on a site called Conjugalfelicity, it simply is not going to happen.
Don't worry, it's a festering pus pool of bitter 90's style internet humor. The fags have something called sporking and as a good christian I don't want to know what it is.

>>6876471
It's hard to believe this isn't parody

>>6879641
Something about this woman is really annoying

She reminds me of Meredith from Mad Men

>>6876471
>Why have we been brought to this totally different world?!
>I don't know, Joey! But I believe everything happens for a reason.

>>6876404

Man, I honestly feel bad for her. Someone encouraged her to do that shit at 13, and now she's pretty much still too delusional to realize what she's doing sucks. I don't envy her. You can be a smartass about it, but the truth is, I pity her fate, and it's all her parents' fault.

>>6882772
It's a bit like with Chris chan. You can't blame her for the cards she was dealt (not the worst btw) but she is asshole enough herself that it's okay to make fun of her.

>>6879641
>talkingrealfast
No, that's not quirky.

>>6876471
This seems like a Tim and Eric sketch.

can't wait for the "movie"

>>6879955
next time watch the video before commenting on it, please

>>6883289
Imagine Star Wars being done on a shoestring budget...

>>6876471
>>6876484
>>6876508
She includes "valedictorian" in her description. I wonder what college she attends now, if any.

>>6883683
I imagine that Jeremy Irons Dungeons & Dragons movie on a shoestring budget

>>6883765
If only the entire Maradonia saga books series had these two mugs on the covers.

>>6883765
>that Jeremy Irons Dungeons & Dragons movie

The Maradonia movie already looks better tbh.

>>6883797
Don't forget this nigga right here

>>6884713

>>6876471
How is this not a parody?

>>6877454
Hemingway is the most over rated hack of the last 100 years. The guy could not write his way out of a wet paper bag that contains his booze. A lazy asshole, whose concept of writing springs from his time as a newspaper reporter. Less is More. He's the father of "Don't work at it, let the audience fill in the gaps."

Very few can pull off "Less is More" E.E. Cummings could do it, but that's the only one who comes to mind.

Hemingway, on the other hand, was a total fuck up. He is the poster child for David Fosters speech on why attempting be famous will get you a sad life. He did kill himself after all.

Read Foster's address to college students:

http://moreintelligentlife.com/story/david-foster-wallace-in-his-own-words

>>6876471
>that secretary...


Mmmmm

>>6876471
>watch videos on channel
>it's being filmed
>mfw people funded this

>>6879588
>Our only motivation is paper and fame
At least she's honest.

>>6876582
An art teacher of Russian origin
Or someone that teaches a class focused on Russian art?

>>6876471
<they are flying outta here like...nothing

>anyone who's ever self published

>>6877370
Is that Villa d'Este in Rome? Looks really familiar.

>>6879588
Honestly if she was black and talked a bit faster this would be critically praised as "conscious hip hop."

>>6885411
what's a karate kit

>>6885386
a russian gold digger with an art degree from a university in moscow that doesn't seem to exist.

>>6878839
Louis L'Amour was the author that got me into reading back in middle school. Loved the lonesome gods. His books clearly aren't literature but they are highly enjoyable in a pulpy sort of way.

>>6879704
>https://instagram.com/p/3UxMlVrpdH/?taken-by=gloriatesch
omfg

>>6879609
Cuz we all know about him already.

Gloria Tesch has a good booty,not sure i would read any of her books tough

>>6885941
plus he's too busy pretending being a woman now instead of writing new stories.

>>6876725
>David Eddings
The wizards' books are great, fuck you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfCnW1MDt9o
a students life can be tough.

>>6885411
>This book is based on a fantasy where the volcanoes that have been a part of the earth for millenia, are sick of humans interferring with their natural homes and the volcanoes get their revenge on the humans.

All hail the new queen of /lit/!

>>6881292
>"a tour de force of action"
>twin towers
>those special effects
>that acting
>stealing parts from real films
>the fucking song
>sneks

I don't know wether I should laugh or cry

>>6888346
better laugh

>>6876404
I'm surprised no one has posted Ulillillia and his masterpiece the legend of the ten elemental masters

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QG97HW8

https://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Ulillillia&diff=prev&oldid=306965

>>6876404
J.K. Rowling

>>6890044
Such effective descriptions for such a worthless cause.

>>6890044
but he is not lolcow material, he is enlighted.

>>6876471
It's like a Tim and Eric skit.

>>6890044
He's actually a decent person.

>>6877796
There's 82 minecraft books on audible
E I G H T Y T W O

>>6876471
Fucking absurd tbh. Other stuff on her channel also has a strange feel to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFCd7tsv3C8

>>6890149
He is, but his book is sheer autism, and I don't mean that in just the 4chan generic insult version of the word either

As an argentinian the Maradonian saga comes up like the name of the occidental adaptation of Captain Tsubasa. I have to say that I'd read that.

>>6890044
Holy shit, he even included the color codes

I guess I know where dfw reincarnated

>>6876471
Wait, if this were meant to be seen as a real news story why is there a "meanwhile" scene or a dream scene in the producer's office?

>>6877796
Kek

>>6877527
All that jumping to action without description, setting, justification or rhythm. It's making me feel good about that horrible novel that I'll leave behind.

>>6890227
one of the best selling books from last year was a Minecraft strategy guide

the other books were all YA fiction, novelizations of Frozen, and "Heaven is for Real."

>>6877796
>this guy gets more attention and love than the future artist we'll all love 30 years from now.

>>6879641
the thing with all of those walls of text is that they will not be read by the people meant to read them and the audience isn't gonna stand all that.

Anon's pic made me expect a cute girl and I got a freak, that I didn't like.

>>6882446
>>6882471
edgy

>>6876471
she's a rapper now lads:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=66&v=ZKSbGRgu-3I

>>6890044
remember that time Adrian Johnson came to /lit/ and thought we were actually complimenting his work?

>>6881292
>a book is literally called CONQUERED by two children
>a book is literally called BATTLE: between light and darkness.
>a tour de force

>>6890509
What in the sweet fuck

>>6885440
no it's cultural appropriation tumblr would throw a fit

>>6890514
Jesus christ, I can't believe my own eyes

Anyone who writes "whimsical" fantasy like Prachett. Normal fantasy not much better, with a few exceptions. Prince of Nothing is good. Malazan is often touted as good but it's genre fiction through and through.

Almost all science fiction is people who wanted to be scientists or engineers masturbating.

Books that would be moderately interesting in the context of being nonfiction memoirs but are instead incredibly dry fiction.

I know someone in high school who "wrote" a "novel," bullshit naturalist fiction about a wooded river trip. I spent almost all my vacations doing fairly intensive camping, so i'm not shitting on hippies here, this book was bad. She vanity published it through amazon, the two people I knew in my english class who understood vanity publishing immediately realized this upon seeing the cover and we started laughing.

Anything on Kindle Unlimited.

Any romance novel. (Read a fucking classical work of literature focused romance, it's better and probably in the same time period as supermarket bodice-rippers anyway)

>>6890514
He commented on an Archive? I didn't even know you could do that lmao

>>6890545
I can't believe he didn't even copy/paste the praise correctly. He changed "always and forever the best" to "always forever and the best"

>>6890509
Jesus Christ this could not get more convoluted.

13-year-old self-styled 'writer', becomes a model... now at 21 a rapper?

>>6885440
I know you're trying to be edgy but "concious" hip hop is an actual thing, going back to when it was a tool intended to drive social change. The term is tossed around by morons and tumblrites now but it's not bullshit.

A faggot reviewing Diego Armando Maradonia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfyywAr-ktM
triple cringe show

>>6882338
you know that the Onion does shows that look exactly like real news, this looks worse than MDE.

>>6890566
It's called indulgent parents with money. I knew a kid in high school, vv. rich and white from a rich suburb, played like a gangster rapper, had videos produced for him, etc. He also started a "clothing line" on cafepress or some shit that only produced 2 sweatshirts ever, both of which he wore.

>>6890589
Here's a better review:
http://youtu.be/CXbj2fE2mMI

>>6886726
is this a banking advertizement?

>>6890606
Plz be nice to reviewbrah

>>6890599
I'd honestly kill for self motivation like that. I'm a worthless nothing that dropped out of college and blogposts on an anonymous brazilian knitting forum with other insufficiently educated pseudointellectuals.

>>6890606
but he isn't reviewing books so far

She's qt tbh

>you will never fuck Gloria Tesch
>you will never play with her fake titties
>you will never pretend to like her shitty books to shield her fragile ego
>you will never marry into her family and live off their wealth while you spend all day writing and fucking their spoiled daughter

I'm kinda feeling sad now

>>6890587
I was actually being serious that her poem is about on par with rap lyrics I hear people praise for having a "message," though whether those rappers are classified as "conscious" I'm not sure.

>>6890682
no tbh

>>6890654
brb, going to fap to the Tesch swimsuit video.

>>6890637
No no no he gives up on everything. That was my point with the clothing label

>>6879463

Thanks Wikipedia that was real useful.

>>6890553
>no fun allowed.jpg
Hello /lit/!

>>6876404
>>6876508
>>6879588

I admire her gumption

>>6890553
>hating on Pratchett
>ever
Do you hate fun?

>>6891430

>Reading for "fun"

Do you also turn your brain off for movies?

>>6891438
Sometimes. Why is it so difficult to understand you can enjoy both "fun" literature and "serious" literature?

>>6891453

Why do you separate fun from serious? I have plenty of fun with all sorts of books but I don't waste time with what I read.

>>6890044

I actually have a signed copy of this book.

I'm not going to lie and say its amazing to read. But it's truly different than anything else I've ever read. How he views the world is very different than how i do and for that at least it was well worth it.

>>6881292


GUAIS

THIS IS LITTERALLY A REAL LIFE JAMES O. INCANDENZA FILM

>>6876404
Oh god, this bitch. I loved when Swanskivy poked the cunt a new cunt. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEVX_L6Zsfg

>>6890044
This is legitimate outsider art.

I don't actually think a person without a severe autistic spectrum disorder could even write such an absurdly specific thing.

It is, in that sense, a creqtion unique to the author.

What's more, he evinces an appreciation for the aesthetic, even if his description is sheerly empirical: he describes the clouds in vivid detail, scientifically and preclsely, and I'm willing to bet he was satisfied in himself, when he imagined them drifting by in such a precise and well catalogued manner.

>>6883765
>I imagine that Jeremy Irons Dungeons & Dragons movie on a shoestring budget
Now, imagine it on a LOTR-budget.

>>6890386
I think her being ESL or the daughter of a foreigner has something to do with it.

I've noticed that with some immigrants, their imprecise understanding of the english language and american culture can manifest itself as feeling implacably "weird."

That such a person would pretend to be a writer...

>>6890044
thanks, man. you have made my morning more autistic than it normally is because now I am absolutely fascinated.

>>6891728
>oh, some kind of riffing critic about books
>it's like those funny movie reviews but with books, much better than booktubers praising YA
>I'm sure that if I check her channel for m...
>100% of her videos on the front page are about asexuality.

>>6890514
I think he knew you weren't actually complimenting him and just took your ironic posts literally as a joke

>>6892255
Could be, it's almost like she's roleplaying the stereotypical American bimbo rather than actually being one.

>>6891773
He's been confirmed as not autistic, he just has OCD. You should read his website some time, it's fascinating. There's a precision in everything he does.

>>6890044
This guy is so great:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcLTCvQ4ZuE

>Maradonia saga
>it's not about Diego Maradona

>>6893055
¿Cuántas copas tenes boludo?

>>6893055
Already mentioned it but it makes me smile each time she says the name. I want a fantasy story where the young soul of Diego must defeat an evil lord to reunite with his father and allow him to ascend to the afterlife.

>>6892255
Anon, she started writing the Maradonia Saga when she was 13 years old. Even IF she learned english some 3-5 years before that, she was young enough to pick it up quickly.

>>6893095
>aided by the spirits of Escobar and Che Guevara

fund it

Um, u need to back up.

>>6893121
And Fidel enters a coma just in time for his soul to help him in a critical moment.

>>6879635

>than

>>6892379
I understand your disappointment all too well

>>6893242
I didn't expect more than ocasionally funny backgroundnoise, something like YMS or cheap quick shit like that. But 80% of her videos are asexuality and 15% are singing.

>tfw no asexual gf who gives you blowjobs out of courtesy in a pragmatic manner

>>6893277
or anal

>>6893337
>w-well, I-I guess that if I'm not gonna enjoy this too much you might as well chose the hole you want today.

>>6893337
>>6893343
Would anal be easier for asexuals? Pussies are relatively problematic when not in a state of arousal but if you can take a shit you can take a dick.

>>6893360
I reckon the only issue with the vagina would be lubrication. ass would additionally require loosening and more thorough lubing

>>6893360
it's a pretty hard topic to summarize, some asexuals say they get aroused because it's a body function, so if they stroke their dick it will get erect and even cum but they don't find any pleasure in it or they don't correlate that with actually going inside a woman. I'd assume that some asexual ladies can get wet but having a thing inside and out multiple times isn't fun. Still, the ass needs training to get a dick inside so I'd assume that it would be extra disgusting for them even if just because of the extra attention it takes.
But out imaginary asexual book lady that exists in our minds right now can be so much in love that she'll accept it all.

Pretty sure "asexual" is special snowflake talk for "apathetic", so it might as well be aromantic

>>6893398
Does 'isn't fun' generally translate to apathy or to disgust?

I think blowjobs and handjobs are still the most humane way of dealing with asexual girls though.

>>6893464
I think the most humane way of dealing with that is not forcing a relationship where you expect to get things your partner doesn't want to give. More people than they think might be cool with having a sexless relationship and I hope random people can get a chance to be happy when they come with heavy luggage to carry in our current society, but there's no point in trying to find a compromise where both are unhappy.

>>6884902
>I literally have zero understanding of literature

congrats

>>6876733
Did he really have an ego?

>>6893480
>but there's no point in trying to find a compromise where both are unhappy.
This is why I find it interesting how bad performing a sexual act generally is for asexuals though. Is it like giving someone a backrub while you don't really feel like it or is it traumatic horror? If it's the former, I don't think asking for some relief is any worse than asking someone to come and visit your mother with you or something.

>>6876471
This is the literary equivalent to outsider pop like the Shaggs

>>6890486
Yep.

I'm killing myself.

>>6882496
Is this church satire ot more leftist lunacy ?

>>6893500
As I said before, it's a very vague topic and each person will say something different. It's not as if heterosexual cis couples don't have a lot of variances too. Some see it as something they get no pleasure from but they like making their partner happy, others see it as traumatic and painful. In my personal opinion if your genitals scare you or you really dislike having them you might actually be trans, but whatever, it's their lives. Some couples seem to work so there must be room for compromise.

>>6891438
Insulting someone for reading for entertainment is stupid as fuck. Either you're being snobby and don't actually behave in the way you claim to or you are a pathetic man who took /lit/ memes way too seriously.

>>6893545
>>>/reddit/

>>6893559
Sorry for not being le ebin patrician meme, but half the people in this board don't understand a word of what they read and just think that mindlessly going through the pages of books will give them status, and that guy struck me as exactly that kind of person. Same thing as the autists who think reading a couple of books has given them some kind of deep insight into the world which makes them unable to relate to the common man instead of considering that perphaps they are just socially inept.

>>6893579
>considering that perphaps they are just socially inept.
That's because most writers are also socially inept. It allows us posters to feel a connection to writers without the burden of having to know how to write.

>>6890191
>>6890200
Jesus this makes me feel like im blinking 30 times a second and just trying to absorb words off the page.

>>6893579
>>>/reddit/

You're a fucking idiot. Go read your fucking YA and kill yourself, faggot.

>>6893107
Yeah but I'm saying that even if she's fluent, not having an english-proficient parent can cause some weirdness.

>>6893579
Fuck those pretentious English majors, amirite?

>>6893512
>heterosexual cis
Aaaaaaand that's where you outed yourself as tumblr. You could have just said 'normal people' or 'people without mental disorders'

>>6876471
Ooh at least check my dubs

>>6894542
>What does it feel like to know that you have disappointed the expectations of every single person you have ever met?

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6469258.Jefferri_Andrews

Closested gay black Mormon with autism. My friend actually catfished this kid for a dick pic.

>>6890637
How is it self-motivation if your parents just pay for everything?

this has thread has changed my life

>>6896434
How?

>>6893277
>>6893337
>>6893343

>>6894647
>My friend actually catfished this kid for a dick pic.
But why

>>6876404

Jonas Jonasson

Tony Parsons

>>6884902

You've only just started a Creative Writing course haven't you?

>>6896795
Why do people take creative writing courses? What do they have to benefit from it that they couldn't in general English courses or by analyzing literature independently? Aside from the opportunity for peer feedback, I suppose.

>>6897525

They can be useful for a booster. Only idiots take them with the mentality of "This will teach me how to write."

As you said peer feedback can be useful as well.

There's nothing wrong with CW courses, just don't think that once you've finished the course you'll be capable of writing best-selling pieces of literary genius.