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/lit/ - Literature


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6865134 No.6865134 [Reply] [Original]

Teeg walked around the outer edge of the skywalk, his hand sliding against the smooth metal railing. He was twenty three sectors up, in the commercial district. He had just finished getting his license renewed and was now preparing to head back to his headquarters on the other side of the city.
He missed the cowboy days, before the profession of bounty hunting had become so regulated. He was one of the last to conform to the new ways, but when the federation started throwing 'rouge' bounty hunters in jail, he figured it would be beneficial to just bight the bullet and accept that times were changing. Here on earth the federation had too much control. You could try and resist, but chances are it wouldn't work out for you in the long run. On Mars things were different, or so he had heard. The same regulations were in place, technically, but there was a serious lack of federal law enforcement, meaning the cowboys were free to just continue on as they always had.
He looked over the railing of the skywalk. If you stuck your head out far enough, and looked to the side, you could look across the seemingly endless crevice between buildings that just went on and on until it disappeared into a thin ray of light. Looking up, you could see just a touch of natural daylight, peaking in between the steel behemoths that lined the earth. For the most part you would just see railings and maybe a person or two poking their heads out, same as you were currently doing.
You could look down, but you probably wouldn't want to. Most people who lived fifteen sectors or higher liked to just pretend that there wasn't a down, and who could blame them? Looking down was like looking into the deep dark caverns of hell, and if you ever were to actually go down there you would swear that's exactly what it was. Or it was at least as close to hell as your were likely to find here in the realm of mortals.
Hadn't god once punished mankind for trying to build a structure that could challenge the heavens? It was called the tower of Babel, if Teeg remembered correctly. Well, god must have lost that battle, some ten thousand years after the rebirth of his son, because that's exactly what mankind had done. They did it again and again and again, until the heavens themselves were the stomping grounds of men, and their towers raised from the earth with one elongated middle finger piercing the sky and shouting 'fuck you'.

>> No.6865142
File: 38 KB, 640x480, 466084-rouge_powder.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6865142

>rouge

>> No.6865150

>>6865142
Its the future, bitch
They say shit different.
...

...

ok you got me

It's still nice though! BITCH!

>> No.6865151
File: 339 KB, 431x636, Untitled-1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6865151

>>6865134
>'rouge' bounty hunters

>> No.6865159

>>6865151
SON OF A!

Forget the one fucking misspelling, it happens. You know you cant say shit else, cuz this passage is fucking FRESH!

>> No.6865171
File: 155 KB, 400x328, Untitled-1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6865171

>>6865159

>> No.6865245

>'rouge'
>bight the bullet

>> No.6865269

>>6865245
Thank you for pointing out the typos and misspellings. It was very helpful.

NOW FUCK OFF BITCH!

You faggots know my shit is nice.

>> No.6865273

>>6865134
I like the passage. I do have one concern, though. What are "rouge bounty hunters"? And why does the Federation throw them in jail? Is it illegal to hunt for makeup? Are people so pale in this future society that makeup is a precious resource? Plz help me anon. I'm lost.

>> No.6865281

>>6865273
heh, I lol'd pretty fucking hard just now.

You win this round, anon

>> No.6865295

>>6865281
<3,

On a side note, I like the setting. It'd do well for a short story or two

>> No.6865311

I feel like you make everything too obvious. When I started, it looked like 'this is Teeg. He is a bounty hunter. He is from the future.' It wasn't bad by any means, but a bit more subtlety might do you some good.

Also like the other anon said, good descriptions. Cool setting.

>> No.6865339
File: 776 KB, 800x600, maximum_brofist_by_amastroph.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6865339

>>6865295
Thanks for saying so, anon. :D
>>6865311
Thanks for the input. This is why I like /lit/, you guys can be dicks sometimes but it seems like this is the only place on the net where you can get decent criticism.