/lit/ - Literature

no katie pieper get off of 4chan it will corrupt you

Oedipus: After leaving home to specifically avoid killing my father and marrying my mother, I discovered today that I was really adopted, and I killed my father and married my mother anyway. And we have grown children. FML.

>>678987
WHO IS THIS KATIE PIEPER OF WHICH YOU SPEAK

Hector: So I kill Achilles and then find out it was only his friend Patroclus. Now the most powerful warrior on the Greek side is pissed at me and wants me dead. FML.

Today I was minding my own business in the temple of Athena when the god of the seas Poseidon showed up and demanded I have sex with him. He's a fucking god so what choice do I have, so I let myself be raped right there in the temple. Athena got pissed at Poseidon so she turned me into a horrible monster as punishment for the beauty that attracted Poseidon and so I was banished to live the rest of my life in solitude. Then I guess she decided that wasn't enough so she told Perseus to hunt me down and chop my head off. Now I get to hang from that bitch's shield for the rest of my days. FML.

Today I was minding my own business in the temple of Athena when the god of the seas Poseidon showed up and demanded I have sex with him. He's a fucking god so what choice do I have, so I let myself be raped right there in the temple. Athena got pissed at Poseidon so she turned me into a horrible monster as punishment for the beauty that attracted Poseidon and so I was banished to live the rest of my life in solitude. Then I guess she decided that wasn't enough so she told Perseus to hunt me down and chop my head off. Now I get to hang from that bitch's shield for the rest of my days. FML

>>679014
HEEEEEECCCCCCTOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Zeus: I am married to the one woman in this entire mythos who thinks monogamy is a good idea. FML.

Hera: I'm the Queen of the Gods, but my husband has sex with everyone BUT ME, and all of his other children are more accomplished, beloved, and worthwhile than mine. FML.

I am sad and no one loves me, including my hostage child bride. FML.

>>679085
>>679085

Odysseus: Hey, so earlier today I was blinding this cyclops, and he was like "who are you??" and I was just about to leave but then I decided to tell him I was Odysseus. He was the son of Poseidon. I have a huge oceanic voyage left. FML

Demeter: My daughter was kidnapped by my brother who forced her to marry him and now she has to go visit him for half of every year. FML

Sisyphus: Fucking rock..

fuckin..

rock..

>>679115
I'll admit. I lol'd a little.

Hephaestus: My mother tossed me off Olympus because I was ugly. Now I am crippled. I am the one ugly, crippled person in this entire pantheon. And also, my wife is a nymphomaniac. With other men. FML.

Archiving this shit.

>>679049
Persephone: @Zeus Turned some slut I caught Hades looking at into flower. Got your back Hera!

>>679105
Odysseus: First I was roped into chasing stupid Menelaus's slut wife for a good ten years, and then I got lost at sea for another ten years because Poseidon just can't let it go. I just want to go home. FML.

I love this.

>>679158
Odysseus' dog: That's your excuse for being gone all this time? FML.

>>679175
Penelope: Today my husband returned from 20 odd years at sea, he makes a complete mess of the house by butchering several dinner guests and he slept with several other women on his way home, but aparently thats ok because "he didn't love them". FML.

I LOVE ODYSSEUS

Zeus: So today, Achilles finally joined back the trojan war after Patroclus died. Obviously, Troy didn't have a chance and the Achaeans would win, like I had planned all along. But I still wanted to watch more, so I just let the other gods in the battle. Laughing my ass off atm.

Prometheus: First, Someone gives me an ironic name, then I try to do a nice thing for the little fucking monkeys who live on the rock, and get my guts ripped out every day for it.
FML

Tantalus: I bring back some fucking wonderful food from a dinner party, and suddenly I have a very pissed off god on my tail. THEN I kill and cook my family to make it up, BUT THAT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. I THOUGHT ZEUS WOULD LOVE THAT SHIT.
Now my name is a root for an adjective for everything just out of reach, because I'm trapped in hell in a feast room designed for curing obesity. FML.

>>679189
I love the women's lib in this epic. Calypso's rant about double standards and then the obsession with a cheating wife, but Odysseus screwing Circe and Calypso means nothing because he sulked between sex sessions.

Suitor: "So there's this fucking hot ass widow who lives down the block, right, and her husband was gone for like 10 years because of the whole Troy thing, so me and a few others were trying to pull our moves on her when some old hotshot comes round and shows off with his bow. She fucking slobbers all over him until he reveals he's her FUCKING HUSBAND. Now he's getting his sword out. FML

Ajax: Today, I totally did more than Odysseus to rescue Achilles' body, but his godly armor was given to him. So I an hero'd. FML.

Jason: So I just wanted to be practical and secure a better future for my wife and kids, and she ends up killing my bride-to-be, my dad, and my kids. FML.

Narcissus: Okay, so I'm fucking hot as hell and everyones falling in love with me and shit when some crazy bitch comes out and starts dry humping me. I'm like GTFO and she has the nerve to curse me! So I went to get a drink, saw my reflection, and fell in love with myself. I couldn't bring myself to leave myself and fucking died. FML

>>679218
So wait, if you died, where the fuck a-

Oh...

roasting in epic spread

Athena: So, I'm a godess, and us gods can fly humans anywhere we want to save them from danger, like we did many times during the Trojan war.

In the last 10 years, my favorite mortal has been stuck on a dozen places and fucked with cyclops, sirens, sea monsters, and he even spent days on a piece of wood with nothing to eat or drink. I give him weird advices and I make people give him goods. I could easily just fly him back to Ithaca, but I'm stupid: I'm a woman.

So some Trojan prince abducted my brother's wife, so I had to invade. But then Artemis decides to not provide any wind, so I sacrifice my daughter. So then when I get back from the war, my wife and her lover kill me. FML

Today, I sailed home to Athens from Crete, having destroyed the monster that had terrorized my people for years. I'd told my dad that I would change the sails on my ship if I'd survived, but in my excitement, I forgot. My dad killed himself. Did I mention he was king? FML.

>>679039
o shi-

So get this. One day, I see a couple of snakes screwing, so I hit them with my stick. And whaddaya-fucking-know, Hera turns me into a woman for this. I become a prostitute, and for seven years, I've got a goddamn vagina. After those seven years though, I saw another pair of snakes, and was transformed back into a man.

And then later, there I was, minding my own business, when Zeus and Hera appear out of fucking nowhere and ask me which gender enjoys sex better. I said the woman enjoys it more, so that bitch Hera blinded me. It wasn't so bad, because Zeus gave me foresight to compensate for that. But shit man, I could use a break here. FML.

>>679286

lol, I didn't know that one.

Is it in a play?

>>679258
What story?

>>679309
That sounds like Tiresias to me.

>>679310
Theseus, killed the minotaur

>>679312

It says it's Tiresias, I was asking for the source of this sex change story, because I never heard it.

In the Odyssey, Tiresias mentions being born blind, hence why I supposed It could be from a play I haven't read yet.

>>679335
Oh, my bad. I didn't see the poster's name.

So I'm trying to escape this god awful prison I was forced to build, but I need to take my son with me. I tell the kid that his only means of escape are wax wings, so don't fly too high. And what does that dumb bastard do? Of course he goes to high, his wings melt, and he dies. FML

Today, I was just killing off the people I was angry against, y'know, like we all do when we have disagreements, but then it's reveiled to me that what I killed was actually a bunch of cows and sheep, and I was fooled by Athena. I was sure everyone would laugh at me, so I planted my sword in the ennemy land and threw myself on it, because that totally doesn't make it suicide. FML

Hector: Man, Achilles is such a drag.

Amirite???

so im a poor farmer and i dont have any real means of living. one day i try to make a little extra money and im fuckin' turned to stone. fuckin' wing footed prick

Orpheus: So I journey to Hades convince him and his wife to let me talk my wife back and on the last step I look back at her and she's gone forever FML

So i am the greatest of all heroes and the only mortal to turn into a god. Im forced to do all these various impossible tasks, that i didnt even fucking desearve in the first place, and somehow i manage to complete them all, including going to hell and back. AND STILL no one can fucking pronounce my fucking name. FML.

Argos: So I'm watching this cow for Hera and Hermes comes up and kills me FML

Prometheus: I help man by giving them fire and now I get me liver eaten by a fucking eagle EVERY DAY FML

So I was getting married to this fucking hot wood nymph when this dick satyr shows up, who chases her until she steps on a snake and dies.
So I go down to Hades, who was pretty cool about it and let her return to the world of the living. So I was all like "FINALLY I can nail this bitch" when I look at her but then she disappears forever. FML

>>679468

Achilles could have kicked Herakles' ass.

tiresias: So I'm walk on a path and I see two snakes doing it, I throw a rock at one and kill it. Then from no where I'm a chick. FML

>>679512
lies!

achilles was a pussy

tiresias part 2: (Seven years later) I'm walking down this path and see two snakes doing it so I kill one and I'm a man again but then I realize I don't have boobs anymore FML

>>679524
you're a little late

tiresias part three: I settle an argument between Hera and Zeus, Zeus was right, Hera blinds me. FML

>>679539
my bad, O well

>>679524
>>679526
>>679518

see

>>679286

>>679544

That's ok. At least you're contributing.

>>679281
SHIT'S INEVITABLE, BITCH

archive this shit

Paris: One apple, 3 goddesses. FML

I'm spying on my mother and some other women when they see me and rip me to pieces. FML.

>>678977
4 C Ｈ Ａ ｎ I ｓ A N Ｉ L ｌ Ｅ G Ａ ｌ s Ｉ Ｔ ｅ , u Ｓ Ｅ h T ｔ Ｐ : / / w w W . a N ｏ n t ａ Ｌ Ｋ . ｓ Ｅ / ｉ F u ｒ ｎ o t Ａ t R o L ｌ

Herostratus: It's cool to hate.

What's with this fucking FML acronym? Anyone who uses that is a barely literate cocksucker. It's not cute and it's not fucking funny in any way

>>680016
I bet you have lots of friends.

>>680018

My friends don't talk like prepubescent girls. Guess we're not friends huh?

>>680024
>no loli friends.

Jealous faggot.

>>680025

Is your plan to talk like them so you can get in their pants? If so you've got a hell of a start. I'm sure any alpha male would be proud to talk in effeminate acronyms

>>680016
THE GOOGLE, IT DOESN'T HURT

>>680058
Dlanor, go to BED.

>>680033
>on the internet
>complaining about improper use of english
>shitting up threads

>>680016
You missed the joke by a few miles, bro.

Socrates, just shut the fuck up. Please.

So I decided to ditch my husband for a nicer, hotter guy, and now the ex is getting pissed, so he told my brother in law. Now 10000 ships are coming to drag me home. FML

>>679415
Yeah, he's such a heel.