/lit/ - Literature

Absolutely pathetic.

Why the fuck would you post this on the literature board you utter faggot?

fuck off to /r9k/ cunt

It's pretty weak.

We would need some context to really criticize it though.

>>6696629
weird is a better spelling

Change Dan to John

>>6696629
This is the worst thread I've ever seen on /lit/

>>6696640
I agree.

>>6696629
>So this is goodbye!

I think you both know this, why say it again? Kill yourself, the ultimate goodbye letter.

>>6696629
needs more i's in "wierd." wiiiiiiierd <--this will really convey how wierd it was

Dear Jenny,

It is on this note that we part ways, perhaps forever. But what is "forever" if not an abstraction, so that it becomes stale and meaningless if one dwells on it for too long? Aimless thoughts sweep me into a melancholic state when I think about not seeing you again, but I know that they are just that: thoughts. What is important—what is most important—is that we had the opportunity to experience one another. To ask for more seems greedy, almost disgusting, although there is the irremovable part of myself—that whisper in the back of my consciousness—which longs to have made a better impression on you; I wish that I could have, however meandering and useless this line of thinking is. How useless thought is! How weird everything is. Our time together certainly affirms the weirdness of existence . . . Anyway, I hope that you are able to overcome the aformentioned sense of weirdness, of futility, of longing, so that you may realize yourself—your hopes, ambitions, etc., whatever it is that you aim at in life. I will always hold an image of you in my mind, as the surest indicator that we are not strictly tied to the phenomenal world, that there is something greater, something sweeter which can be glimpsed (if only for a fleeting moment). Goodbye, and with love—

Dan

>>6696629
>Dan

did u died?
>>6696661

>>6696708
>It is on this note that we part ways, perhaps forever.
Does it not strike anyone that this sounds a bit insincere? I can't imagine someone, in heavy heart, approaching their beloved and saying something equivalent in its formality. Also, I don't think it's a good idea to introduce the letter with that direct an answer, especially if Jenny does not know, to begin with, that you intend to break up with.

I'm assuming that's the reason since you reek of beta in your first draft.

>>6696722

It's not OP's. I rewrote it for him.

>>6696708
Also:
>But what is "forever" if not an abstraction.
Absolutely disgusting, didn't bother reading the rest.

>>6696731
write something better then :^)

>>6696733
nah man i barely even know op to be writing his own goodbye letter

>>6696708
not self aware enough about banal platitudes but pretty good.

>>6696720
>author is his friend and his task is to write to the girl that was attracted to Dan

>>6696742
>author is writing under the name Dan his farewells to another character in his novel called Jenny.

>>6696733

Dear Jenny,

I imagined the Augustus Waters analysis of that comment: If I am playing basketball in heaven, does that imply a physical location of a heaven containing physical basketballs? Who makes the basketballs in question? Are there less fortunate souls in heaven who work in a celestial basketball factory so that I can play? Or did an omnipotent God create the basketballs out of the vacuum of space? Is this heaven in some kind of unobservable universe where the laws of physics don't APPLY, and if so, why in the hell would I be playing basketball when I could be flying or reading or looking at beautiful people or something else I actually enjoy? It's almost as if the way you imagine my dead self says more about you than either the person I was or whatever I am now.”

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

Love,

Dan

Look lets get to the brass tacks here. Did you ever fuck Jenny?

>>6696763
meme/10

>>6696766
she let me watch her boyfriend fuck her and once I got to eat her out after he was done

worst thread I've ever seen.

>>6696772
There were worst.

Dear Jenny.

Goodbye, best of luck. Take care.

-Dan the cuck.

>>6696629
The lack of specific detail about your relationship with her makes it sound really inauthentic, and more than a little brusque. Start from scratch and tell her what your time together actually meant to you.

>>6696766
No I'm stuck in palcatraz

>Our time together was...weird
Shut up, shut up, shut up

Lectori salutem,

The heure de départ has come upon me and weighs on my shoulder like the damp clamp of teacher hand, test all but finished with two minutes to go—'twas not without merit, our time that is, a quip of mine merit and thine thy tits. Meaning? What is meaning but an a posteriori ape brained fiction to explain which would regardless of explanation remain the same? How I wish you could view me as I view myself, rather than how I am!

Fruitfulness upon you,

Daniel

>>6696803
Needs at least a word in Ancient Greek and two german idioms

>>6696814
Please include them where you see fit, we're trying to assist young Daniel after all.

>>6696784
Too close to home and too near the bone?

>>6696846
He probably means that sentence is atrocious and that using ellipses in that manner should be punishable by law.

>>6696837
He is probably like 18 lol.

Dear Jenny,

A glistening, furred peach, coated with juice, is how I imagine your womb.

It was great getting to know you.

I only want to insert small domed objects into your yawning areas, and I badly hope you did not call the slackliner who came over and talked to you in the park, although part of me hopes you did and aches to lick fragrant dew from all those tangled glistening limbs.

Look forward to keeping in touch,

Daniel-san

>>6696769
Mein Gott im Himmel

>>6696803
This, OP

Dear Jenny

I wish I wern't so beta and had tried harder to escape your friendzone.

I'm hoping this emotional blackmail will make you reconsider me as a potential mate.

I cherish you so much. Please love me.

Dan

>>6696629
Hey Jenny,

Who writes letters nowadays? Let me tell you. I do. Why? Because I am a faggot, but also because I think what I am feeling cannot be conveyed by bits and bytes.


Alright, I give up,
/lit/anon4553

>>6696629

Dear Jenny.

The following letter will contain a justification for my absence in your life, even tough we both now its just me prioritizing other things above you.

[Enter excuse and whining here]

Therefore, this is the last you will hear from me. Goodbye Jenny.

Any inqueries can be directed to my mother.

Best Regards
Dan

>>6696629
>>6696769

Dear Jenny,

So this is a goodbye. I will always remember that time you allowed me perform cunnilingus on you. I hate that I did not get to fully engage in coitus with you.

Anyway, I hope you get everything you want in life, but not really, because I did not get everything I wanted from you.

I will always remember the sweet taste of your vagina and the bitter aftertaste of your boyfriend's penis.

Love,
Dan

>>6696948
Goddamn

My dear Jennifer,

Even though I'm going away and will most likely never see you again, I wish once more to draw attention upon myself, this time hopefully in a vague and mysterious way. We will live our separate lives, but I wish to plant in your sweet little head a seed of doubt. Doubt about what could have been, about how special I seem in retrospect, maybe even seducing you to think during the years to come what a future with me would have been like.

Of course I will be off living my own life, but it would greatly flatter my ego to entertain the possibility that somewhere some girl has maybe reserved a little mental compartment of melancholy and regret dedicated to that one truly nice guy that got away.

Hereby accept my magnanimous wishes that you will have a great life without me, the gentle nobility of this gesture only highlighting what a gentleman I am and how much you have missed out on by friendzoning me.

Brooding ellipses,

Daniel

No letter dude what the fuck are you in a Charles Dickens novel smh nigga pleeze

Say it in person, give her a hug and a kiss and walk off into the sunset/around the corner whatever whatever and cry in the shower when you get home

>>6696629
cringed hard

do people actually do this shit?

I should probably mention, her boyfriend is also named Dan. We call him Dirty Dan for reasons I would rather not go into, and he can't know about this letter. I was called Dippy Dan because they used to make me take my clothes off and go skinny dipping all year round.

>>6696629
Dear Jenny,

I'm writing you a goodbye letter which is antiquated and fucking stupid of me. There are such means as Facebook and Twitter and our phones to keep in touch, but because I'm so detached from a datable, employable, respectable understanding of the world - those won't do. I post on 4chan in /lit/ to seem more intelligent than I truly am. I left a bad impression with you because I don't leave my house often enough, in fact, I'm not even sure we've had a date beyond that one time we met in an elevator.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist regularly and I will report how the Quetiapine works for me. Currently they're making me take blood tests to check my liver, I guess because the drug can affect it too.

Well - farewell, Jenny. It was nice knowing you. I'll be sure to remember you any time I step foot in an elevator again.

Regards,
A nimrod.

Dear semen demon,

give me back my semen

Yours erectily,

Dan

Dear fluid druid,

Dan

Dearest,

I fare ye well.

Dan

>>6696963
this ones good heheh

>>6696731
I did the exact same thing, completely repulsive.
>>6696967
>>6696769
is this fucking real holy shit man

your letter sucks cock mate

Why would you ever write such a sappy fucking letter to a cold bitch who used you for her own amusement and gave you nothing in return bar humiliation? Do you have no self respect?
Fuck, here's my take:

Dear bitch,

Die

Love, Santa

Wrap around a brick and deliver through her car windshield

Goodbye letter from Dan is now a meme

>>6697137
>Dear bitch,
>Die
>Love, Santa
>Wrap around a brick and deliver through her car windshield
Actually good and hilarious advice. Do this and take a picture OP.

>>6696629
Beta? Sounds spooky

Dear Jenny

Your existence is a disgrace. You have soiled the collective soul of humanity. Your sexual deviance has even summoned semen daemons of Slaanesh. I am forced to call the holy Inquisition. This is goodbye forever. May the flame of the Emperor cleanse your body and your soul as it leaves your body.

Dan

>>6696629

bjoetiful

bump

The answer is don't write a goodbye letter, say it in person

I wanna say bye. I'll think about you. I can't say much else. You were important. I'm leaving. Bye.

>>6697137
I am >>6696731
And I fully support this message.

Also, since you're all here I thought we might as well break the silence with some music. Here's what I'm listening to at this very moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCkd46hcRag

>>6697115
>brooding ellipses

kek

>>6697713
we should listen to this instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aF4idGemkk
Goes with the thread a little better I think

>>6696963
Bravo! First time I've laughed on /lit/ in a long time. I may steal a few parts of this.

>>6696775
Kek

>>6696948
Fuck me I lold

>>6696629
Dear Jenny,

I was happy with you, once. I knew you, once. And looking forward we are no longer together. The once we shared seemed, as it happened, to be something other than a moment - yet it only ever could have been that, and it only ever could have given way to a future which empties every universal of its contingent contents, which hollows us all out until we are only empty forms, to be filled and then emptied. I want you to know only this, that the memories I will forever carry within me will defy the ineluctable passage of time, that I will raise them like the savage raises his wooden idol of some forgotten pagan god against the specter of death and the humanness of unbecoming: or else I shall hold our memories delicately between my hands, like a bowl of milk.

love,
Dan

Quads.

This is almost certainly a troll

>vague, deliberately awful OP about no gf
>OP only responds with an embarrassing le cuck meme post and nothing else

10/10 thread though

>>6697777
very nice.

>>6696963
kek

Dear Jenny,

So this is goodbye! Our time together was...wierd, but very meaningful to me. I still remember that sunset when I found you squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up you were shitting brown water. The more you drank, the more you shat, but the more you shat, the thirstier you grew, and your thirst sent you crawling to the stream to suck up more water. When you closed your eyes at last, you did not know whether you would be strong enough to open them again. Well, I'm glad you were.

Anyway, I hope you get everything you want in life. I'll always remember you.

Love,
Dan

This thread has dredged up some feelings I'd rather stayed buried.

But it's also given me a few good laughs.

Bless you /lit/, cuckolds one and all.

>>6697777
Dangerously underrated digits.

>>6697733
Curing the faggotry in this thread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvjiMRphYuo

>>6696708

Get rid of 30% of those unnecessary adjectives and repetitions, you pompous pansy

>>6698661
>"faggotry"
>posts rap
lel

>>6696963

OP BTFO

>>6698661
my nigga

>>6697777
I'm impressed.

Why don't you just put your letter in her mail slot, OP?

>>6698016
kek

>>6697777

Fair.