/lit/ - Literature

>>6437970
That's not very good

>>6437970

is this serious?

if so you should know that is absolute dogshit

>>6437984
>>6437988
why?

>>6438009
they're just words. they don't mean anything

>>6438010
I could deconstruct it all, or at least one or two lines for you.

>>6438015
poetry is supposed to make the unfamiliar familiar. this just stays unfamiliar

>>6437970
>ancient punk artists selling plastic aberrations
I wrote this at burning man, watching some women dressed like gypsies fighting with dildos. It gave me the idea of capitalism using rebellion to sell very old ideas, like xenophobia.
>acupuncturists peddling ecstatic affirmations
A take on modern psychiatry and general pro self-esteem attitude of america

>>6438017
Honestly man, I agree with you. I feel like nobody really gets its, but any pleb that hears it flips the fuck out. Also it's spoken word, so that helps.

>>6437970
slam /10
Last line is extra cringe

>>6437970
>So /b/ liked this
There's not a single thing that the /b/ consensus likes that is even remotely "good".
Name any one thing, I'll wait.
from memory
>furry porn
>loli porn
>stoner (not that one) generals
>roll threads
>anti-feminist/SJW threads
>rule 34 threads
>reaction image threads
>rate threads
>you laugh you lose threads
>pornstar generals
>gore/guro porn
>shock threads

>>6439127
All of those things are very good, actually.

>>6439133
You're right, you should go back there and make an effort to never leave that beautiful board ever again.

Honestly OP I had that pic saved on my computer because I liked it; I saved it on /lit/ a few weeks ago.

>>6437970
Whats the deal with rap and feminine rhymes? They sound horrible and are just generally lazy

>>6437970

We've already had and entertained this thread, stop.

>>6437970
>really_long_nosehair.jpg

>>6439127
>anti-feminist/SJW threads
I don't known what they're like, but you say it like hating them is a bad thing.

>>6439135
No you're beautiful.

>>6438020
These aren't very personal words. While they may be true, they sound more like paranoid mumbling than poetry.

If you write a poem that's an edgy social criticism, you'll get the same response from people that you would if you walked up to them and gave them an edgy criticism of themselves. They won't care.

>>6437970

I really liked it. Just the flow of language intrigues me is all. Don't listen to the dipshits here. Most of them are just hacks who conflate their opinion with some objective framework for measuring art. Keep writing. It's the only way to get better.

Best of luck chief.

>>6438923
Yeah, there was some slam influence. I liked the close because it was just raw pathetic emotion, but I can definitely see the cringe, and it's the part I get shy about.
>>6439815
Hey, OP here, and I happen to be the "best" feminine rhymer in the rap game. I have hit 14 syllable rhymes multiple times in one verse, compared to the other great feminine rhymers who max out at about 7 syllables rhyming with each other once (possibly not counting 17th century metaphysical poets or some shit). And no, just no, it is not fucking lazy.
>>6439239
>>6439819
Really? I can kind of prove my identity; nobody hits feminine rhymes like I do, and I have some are that are more grounded, less metaphorical.
>>6440313
Well you kind of have a good view on it. It's the story of a man feeling trapped by his environment and hating it, so the paranoid rambling/loathing for society is from his perspective.
>>6441976
Thanks man, a lot of my stuff is like exploration of a medium. It's the art form itself that tends to be my focus usually, but I've been told my content sometimes suffers for it.

You guys are awesome by the way, I should kick it here more.