/lit/ - Literature

It was a dark and stormy NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS

And Lucifer declared, Let there be illumination: and there was an ample bang.

I opened my eyes, my head throbbing in pain. Where was I?

Any last words?

>>6005743
Oh fuck a double nigger!

>>6005749
this is good

I am sitting in a screaming, surrounded by farts and sky.

bippity boppity bumble rumble zippity bop bop

>>6005761
I wrote it. Do you actually like it?

>>6005736
Joe Dude woke up once, and he found out that he turned into a bug, he wasnt really fond of it. Plus he had to go to work.

>>6005736
Harry picked up his new wand, his hand trembling, excitedly with wondrous anticipation.

Ass creaming cums across the ska

Bobby's gay and this is a story about an unrelated trucker.

"Fell different than the last one," thought the postmaster ponderously, thinking on the subject for a moment before stepping over another body, unhinged.

Dr. Philis Stein had to go lecture at university but today was a bad day because today was a rainy day and he didn't like to get wet. "Unless it's my wife that gets wet, do I know what I mean?" he thought. But he had to go because he was a phD in Philosophy (in Kant to be more specific) and he had to lecture otherwise he would not get money for him and his wife and his kids also because Philosophy is a field that does not make it easy to make money and therefore you have to teach and that was why he though at university, because he needed to make money. Now that this is clear, let us describe Dr. Philis Stein's physical appearance.

Looking as though condensation-spewed and effervescing, the mojito sat waiting a sip in the humid southern morning.

I filled my lungs with grey ash and my stomach with coffee black as death. There was no escaping the cold winter air, it was my only companion in the darkness of morning. It lingered on my skin, searching ever so patiently, and then with small outbursts of panic carried by the howling wind it desperately tried to penetrate it's way into the greyness and blackness that were keeping my body warm.

so, what's up with hot air balloons ha ha am i right

>>6005736
"Nevermind," the hot hunk hissed as he lifted my dew soaked panties and licked them gently, his raven colored eyes analyzing my every fidget. .

I woke up in a daze. It was 2016.

Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler’s pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die.

>>6005769
Good at being terrible.

>>6006123
Seinfeld plz

'I've only had the opportunity to hold a hamster once,' said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat. 'Its paws were so tiny. I think I cried a little.'

Trent Cain surveyed the lands before him through a broken pair of binoculars as the bitter wind passed him down into the valley - it was going to take a lot of rimjobs to get to sleep that night.

The vampire hung suspended by his wrists from chains that stretched his arms widely.

>>6006068
tumblr tier

A heavy scent of defecation, along with burnt flesh lingered around the air languidly.

>>6006232
>Gmail chat

Top kek

Joe had no time to acclimate himself to his new life as a motorcycle seat before he felt the strong scent of a man sitting on his body.

>>6005736
It was the worst of times it was the BLURST of times.

>>6005743
When I saw this thread in the catalogue I was going to post that nothing could ever be worse than "It was a dark and stormy night." and that these threads were pointless.

Bravo sir, you proved me wrong.

>>6005852

>Phillis Stein
>Phillistine
>Clever

I came to dislike the slimy cunt, the slimy cunt I'm referring to is of course my insufferable father.

The sound echoed with a hearty plop, plop, plop, plop as the procession of mass defecation continued in the Grand Canyon.

It--in the sense of being, a time or place heretofore having existed; that is, unto itself, a referential quality wherein the present moment is considered (although idiosyncratically paradoxical, for the purpose of begetting continuity whereby the modal chronology is implied past-wise)--was--in which simplification of complex conceptual forms can occur despite implicit knowledge that such structures are of relative, composite, amalgamations of lesser constituents themselves divisible to semantic and physical interminability--a time-period whose parametric definition is but as in relation to perceived luminance by which the absence of light is heralded in a simultaneous reference frame to the formation of electrostatic discharges created by polarized regions of atmosphere.

>>6006442
So these threads aren't pointless?

I had spent quite a bit of time as a hitman for the mob, but when the boss told me my next target would be in McDonaldland, I knew my life would never be the same.

Humanity... all of my suffering on this world has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women.

>>6006493
I can't stop laughing at this one, sounds like something an edgy 12 year old would write.

bump

She was snoring again, and this time the shuddering of her nostrils were not fake. There would be no awakening this time, no perchance intervention. He peeled the bedclothes back, fingers trembling and threatening to send ripples of incriminating fear onto her bosom. Her hair fell softly to one side and hung lamely over the bedside. The sight of her bare navel tempered his courage, and he drove on. Unseaming her from just beside her belly button, he revealed her internal organs to the air for the first time. The scent both aroused and nauseated, and the sight of the bodily fluids bubbling and coagulating in the air accentuated this. Still, he had a dream to fulfill. He squatted over this new orifice, pleased to be actualizing his desires. She was oblivious to both her mutilation and his naked scrotum hanging just a foot above her, still in the throes of an endless sleep. Finally he began. Squelching first, the feces came sliding down his small intestine. It reached his rectum after a minute’s suspense, and he felt his arousal heighten. At last his child slid out. A perfect, 10 inch turd slid into the hole in her stomach and sat cosily between what looked to be two vital organs wrapped around each other. He patted it lovingly into place, as both bile and blood bathed his creation, and he saw some of the feces break off in the surrounding blood and be carried off into the unknown frontiers of her body. Soon he would be all over her. He swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth, and sutured the wound up. Sweeping the hair back under her pillow, he left her there in the night, unknowingly tampered.

The next morning she arrived at the breakfast table. “I feel a most unusual sickness in my abdomen, father,” she said.

>Call me Ishmael.

oh wait...

I've fucked my fair share of women before -- little wiry Laotian squirters, pear-shaped Russian screamers, hairy French flatulators, and so on -- and while most of them knew what they were doing, there's only one women whose body will remain forever etched in my memory, and that's none other than New York's Zoe Mandel, the world's only untamable tramp.

>>6005792
Brilliant

>>6005736
Death comes for us all, even Bobby the most metal punk rocker to ever live in northern Ontario. With his black rhinestone boots and a leather cape Bobby was one hard core sun of a bitch and you can excuse my frog speak thank YA very much.

The black tears that had run through his eyeliner and down his cheeks to form shaded tracks like the impossibly dark forests of his nightmares were frequent companions to Shadow whose parents had always refused to accept him as the anthropomorphic Fox that he was in his soul.

>>6008646
Sonic has the worst fan base out of anything ever. It really is just (and I hate using this word) borderline autistic. I can't find a single redeemable piece of fan created Sonic art or literature.

To be a paid killer is hard work because all of us have dark pasts that make us do this job and life means nothing to me because I am... a psycho!!

the hell is that gif OP?
It fucked my mind up

>>6008728
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4v1zuIYNoFw

>>6005852
This is good m8, would read more/10.

It was still early morning and the September grass dew had not yet evaporated.

>>6005736
Eric was an overweight NEET with no self esteem and noticeable good qualities who spent all his nights pinning over a camewhore on 4chans /soc/ board while I between World of war craft raids, furious spunking off, Loli porn and butting heads with other users of the board /pol/ (of which he was a distinguished trip fag who had gone on several raids against Jewish run family websites for babysitting services)!!?

The man looked back at what he had done. At all the lives he had ruined, all the dreams he had crushed, and whispered a single word to himself. "Kek."

The sun had just risen on that early night at mid afternoon when the old man said to the boy, "how are you" and then what came afterwards was a queef

/lit/ memes for sale; never funny

As I put my throbbing manhood into her waiting vulva, I felt euphoric. Not because of some puny pleasure derived from coitus, but because I knew deep within my heart that no poster on /lit/ would ever experience the feeling of heterosexual intercourse.

Why try?

"What if I told you that your world wasn't real, wasn't all that there was?"

>the grammar is bad
>it's first person
>it sounds juvenile
>it hints at a young-adult conspiracy bullshit plot

I think this is bad at a technical and conceptual level.

>>6009186
Perfect.

I woke up suddenly, already wiping the slimy grime of the night from my face. By me stirred the cheap hooker from the day before, white heroin scars visible like gunshot wounds all down her bony arms. I sat up slowly and reached into the bucket on the floor and fished out the only cigarette that hadn't been fully submerged in fermenting vomit. I lit it, and took a long sip of cheap whiskey from a coffee cup on the night stand. Lying back again, I observed the blood rhythmically dripping from the mouldy ceiling--presumably, somebody lay dead or dying in the room above--and didn't bother reacting when I accidentally dropped the half empty cup onto the bed, as it was already wet with sweat and love juices. After a minute, the hooker abruptly rolled off the bed, still apparently sleeping, hitting the gray-carpeted floor with a wet thud, curling up like a cat, blood dripping onto her milky chest. Without getting up I expertly threw the mostly finished smoke into the sick bucket, which immediately caught fire, slowly smouldering. I sighed.
-I hate mondays.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

>>6005736
They come to me at night, each night, bearing their armor.

>>6005743
Haha wow! Now this is comedy.

Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labors of men that as a result of the labors unfinished of Testew and Cunnard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labors of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicillin and succedanea in a word I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell fades away I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per head since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per head approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and then the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas

The End.

>>6009894

OP said oc u donk

Turns out I have the powers of a demon. Heh, I know what you're thinking, but, no, my mother wasn't raped by Satan like Mary was by God. I made a pact with a real demon, a member of the supernatural force that guarantees NO peace on Earth and NO good will towards men. We are talking the roughest, meanest, most sadistic beings of pure hatred that you can imagine. To think that a kid like me, from lil' old Savannah, Georgia, home of the Bible thumpers and land of the TV evangelist thieves, would be chosen to represent the very unholy force on this planet. I guess they, the demons of yore, were impressed by my ability to maintain free will in a place where even your parents want you brainwashed with lies. Now I go around the Earth causing mayhem, pain, and destruction, and, trust me when I say, that I am real damn good at it.

There was suddenly a gunshot and he knew someone had called the cops on him.

>>6009939
Presenting it as first line makes it OC

It was nighttime but all I could hear was a distant "ayy lmao" off in the distance

once upon a time..

>>6009948
The last sentence should be changed to have a title drop in it.

When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed into a monstrous vermin.

>>6011655
The German opening on the other hand is one of the best Ive ever read.

Als Gregor Samsa eines Morgens aus unruhigen Träumen erwachte, fand er sich in seinem Bett zu einem ungeheuren Ungeziefer verwandelt.

It was the biggest shit I've taken in my life

>>6011834
>It was the biggest shit I've taken in my life, it was the smallest shit I've taken in my life.

The night was moist.

"Dicks", he said. "That's what it all came down to, when you thought of it."

>>6009948
>Literally every single Clive Barker novel ever

>>6005736
It smells like shit in here.

Wait... I actually like that as an opening.

I opened my eyes as I awakened from my sleep.

There is no such thing as a pseudo-intellectual. If a man finds enjoyment in the pursuit of intellectual activities he is an intellectual all the same. Having said that, there are a fair number of intellectuals who are additionally not intelligent. I am one of these and this is my story.

He busted into the elementary school classroom with a bang, waving about his revolver like a lit torch before a mob of savages as he speed-walked with incredible precision and focus in a nearly perfect circle at the center of the room for exactly 37 minutes straight. He screamed a phrase to seal this eccentric sideshow in history forever as he crumpled to his knees in both exhaustion and reverence to an unseen God,

"I am become memes,"

Not one child survived the slaughter that day.

Mom died yesterday or today or some shit I don't fucking know.

It was a day much like the day you are experiencing right now in this moment today.

>>6005736
Today is my ninetieth birthday. I feel like fucking and underaged virgin at my nearest brothel.

"Dotard" shouted Heldemede while he threw the pumpkin at the crow. The pepo crashed into the crow and exploded everywhere. bird guts and orange bits of the pumpkin lay scattered everywhere. A sense of glory

>>6012601
>"I am become memes,"
ebin

Once upon a time, it was a dim rainy evening, horse hooves could be heard clopping across the cobblestone streets.

Chie Yamiga pulled her katana from her scabbard with a loud metallic screech. The Onimorphs had her surrounded, some of them even had guns; typical of honorless bakas.