/lit/ - Literature

It will only get screen capped and reposted as best of /lit/ if you do it yourself.

this was terrible OP

>>5470895
Yes I agree, how dare they humiliate me like that?

>>5470875
lost it dude
the story is well written too
"those awful Vans" "tighten up my trenchcoat"
make more of those
(i really this didnt happen IRL)

>>5470875
>skater punks
>book store

c'mon son.

>>5470945
They were those edgy hipster type that looked like they hung out at Hot Topic a lot.

>>be me

>>5470959
That's how you're supposed to start off shrek text stories, no?

Jesus fucking Christ. I can't be the only /lit/erati that DID the bullying?

>>5470975
I bully anons all day, faggot
GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=YgFyi74DVjc#t=121

>>5470975
*high five*

we're so alpha

Not me being bullied, per se, but it was still a close call.

>sitting in the local café drinking coffee that the barista personally French pressed for me
>reading the Bard, Richard III to be exact
>a brown haired of about 21 comes up to me
>she's wearing yoga pants
>I scratch my crotch to make sure I remembered to wear my chastity belt today (she's wearing nothing of the sort as obvious by her revealing leg wear)
>She asks why I'm reading Shakespeare
>I tell her life is not worth living without the beauty of the written word, and Shakespeare is without equal in that regard.
>She asks me if I've ever been to Shakespeare in the park and that there'd be a show next week if I'd like to join her
>I'm unphased by the harlot's solicitation and desire to tear from me my virtue
>I tell her that I'd rather read Shakespeare in the quiet of my study rather than have to hear a 3rd rate actor mangle his art
>she looks confused
>It appears as though I've baffled the bi-pedal slave to the flesh
>Ah! But she composes herself and returns for another attempt!
>She she explains that being a drama, Shakespeare's plays were meant to be enjoyed through performance and wishes I'd reconsider
>I scoff, it's such a stupid notion held by subhumans and undergraduates
>I point out landmark closet dramas like Prometheus Bound and The Cenci and that through sub-vocalization I can recreate the play in my head
>she bites her lip as I explain
>My intellect as aroused the seductress
>I begin to get nervous, she may give in to her carnal wishes at any moment and pounce on me
>I stand up quickly, knocking my chair backwards
>I cry "you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and nick-name God's creatures, and make your wantonness your ignorance. Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath made me mad. To a
nunnery, go!"
>I fly out the room and flee the harlot, my virtue intact, and endeavor to read Shakespeare another day

>>5470875
>ask mom for $20 for new book and a ride to the store


MOOOMMM, CAN I HAVE MONEY FOR A NEW BOOK

B-BUT MOOOMMMM

>>5471013
you forgot to vomit uncontrollably and prettier but less slutty

>>5470975
⇒I can't be the only /lit/erati that DID the bullying?

You're not alone, /b/ro. I was a bully throughout high school. Shit was so cash.

>>5470975
I did laugh at some guy shorter than me once and he didn't respond. I am part of the club ?

>>5470975
Gf saw a guy walking and reading with a fedora on. Agh wish i was there.

On another occasion guy was reading and walking getting off a busy train - prime time to show everyone that he was really absorbed in luscious intelligence of Ayn Rand.
>10/10
>would slap book out of hand

>be you
>your mom drives you to the Barnes & Noble
>She drives you to a Black & Decker manufacturing plant instead
>you go inside expecting books but instead you get a Black & Decker manufacturing plant
>the supervisor sees you not wearing your safety goggles
>you get kicked out of the Black & Decker manufacturing plant
>outside the Black & Decker manufacturing plan to you see your mom in the car
>she is only 17 and a half years old now and you find yourself sexually attracted to her
>you run back into the Black & Decker manufacturing plant and scream to the supervisor that you are having unwanted sexual urges towards the younger version of your own mother
>she (it's a she) scratches her chin (there's a mole on her chin that is very noticeable but you don't say anything because she's actually much more physically substantial than you and you don't want to be fired from the Black & Decker manufacturing plant even though you were already fired from the Black & Decker manufacturing plant) and she says that if you put on your safety goggles it will be cool
>you put on your safety goggles and go back outside and see your mother in the car and she's still 17 and a half and you still find yourself sexually attracted to her but now you aren't particularly phased by the fact that it's your own mother
>you enter the car and she that she's actually fingering herself beneath her private school uniform
>her pussy is very attractive, the labia is pale and smooth and tightly closed and there's only a thin strip of pleasantly toned pink down the middle
>she has her fingernails painted red and you find yourself weirdly distracted by the fact that her fingernails are painted red because they weren't painted at all when she drove you to the Black & Decker manufacturing plant (even though she was supposed to drive you to the Barnes & Noble) but then again she's also 17 and a half years old now so your fixation on this detail is very much illogical
>you say, "Hey Erica" and you aren't particularly phased by calling your mother casually by her firstname
>she licks her supple, pouty lips when she looks at you
>you can't resist the urge to have sex with her
>you have sex with her and it is embarrassing because you actually prematurely ejaculated about 20 seconds in and even though your ashamed your mother (Erica) finds it more endearing than anything
>you wish you hadn't done it and so you run out of the car with your pants around your ankles and go back inside the Black & Decker manufacturing plant and no one inside seems to mind the fact that your penis is fully visible and the supervisor tells you that you don't need to wear your safety goggles anymore so you get to work and you get a paycheck and it isn't substantial but it's just enough to live on and you feel like your work demands more but you don't complain because of how easily you could be replaced at the Black & Decker manufacturing plant
>you wish you weren't you anymore
>i wish i wasn't you anymore

>>5471013
Did you copy past it from brown bear?

>>5471030
Bahahaha
What a fucking little liar

Why are you here arrow faggit? Isn't lit below you?

>>5471078

>>5471078
Can't tell wether this is a Freudian dream, a Black&Decker commercial, or a GOP feminist ad.

>>5471093
No it came about through using gross liberalities with a past experience

The Road sucks

>>5471078
3freud5me

>be me
>ask my dad to give me my allowance early because I already took out the trash
>he agrees
>success
>use this money to buy bus fare to B&N
>Operation Wake Up Call is a-go
>Bring the brim of my trilby down a bit so it casts a shadow over my eyes
>pull on my badass gloves (fingerless)
>walk over to the "Religious Studies" section and casually pick up a few so called "holy books" such as the Bible and the Quran
>stealthily look around 360 degrees to make sure no fundies are monitoring me
>all those years I've spent playing Metal Gear Solid are finally coming in handy
>drop off the goods in the "Fiction section", placing them seamlessly on the shelves
>rinse and repeat
>eventually a qt female manager comes up to me
>I smile at her, leaning casually against the shelves and mentally preparing myself to ask her out
>she asks me if I've been moving the religious books again
>"No, dear woman. I've been moving the Religulous books again"
>turn around and dash out the door like Sonic

>>5471030
fuck off arrow fag

>>5471160
Yeah, keep shitposting, that will show her! You're a hero!

>>5471078
I like you.

>>5471172
Furry detected

>>5471116
Why not all three?

That's the beauty of Thomas Pynchon.

>>5471078
Do you write anything else that I could read? I was legitimately impressed by that.

>>5471208

Yeah, nice one, I'd also be interested.

>>5470975
I have been a bully and a popular kid for a long time. Once I heard a kid on my bus talking about his insecurities, took mental notes, and used them against him for an entire year.

>>5471253
Hella epic bruh xD

>>5471100
Arrow fag won't answer questions that reveal he's an autistic /sci/ troll...

>>5471253
That's not mere bullying, that elaborate sadism. You're like the pokemon evolution of a bully.

>>5471281
I would constantly ask him why he was smiling and make him stop it. He started wearing glasses around and I called them stupid. I made a poem about his color-blindedness(he could only see yellow) and lame responses to my bullying
>Roses are yellow, violets are yellow, and why
>are you so mean to me!!!!!!

>>5471279
The official autism test said I'm normal. And I don't browse /sci/ anymore.

>>5471302
lel, good job m8

>be NOT me
>Me decides to make trip to B&N
>see my me ask mom for $20 for new book and a ride to the store
>dont follow me to where the fuck me is going
>inb4 tips fedora
>transcend into the astral plane and temporarily visit moms body
>assume control over her body after a psychic duel
>top kek, weak mind
>I take her
>rub one out
>I mean, really rub one out...
>my fingers are so far up there I, the not me, could be thought of was the hands up Mona-lisas skirt
>I tighten up and then feel it
>It's like a gushing volcano
>hear moms unconscious heap of flesh let out a primal scream
>I put her wet hand into her mouth
>taste like rainbows
>I assume control over her asophagus and scream "I'm your son! Your cunt my mind!"
>jump out of her body
>she sits there dumbfound staring at what just happen
>I, not me, then proceeds to go back into me
>Surf rest of day and reddit and be a general faggot

>>5470975
Everyone got mad at me for awhile cause I made a fun of a girl for having a super greasy face. Even as I was saying it, it felt like I was going too far, but oh well.

That girl hated me for four years lel

>>5471078
moar

>tell someone who asked what I was reading that I'm reading pic related because I don't know anything about philosophy and am interested in learning a bit
>he laughs and says that the book is stupid and I'm stupid

That's about it.

Not really bullying as I play along but coworkers caught me reading Hemingway at some point so now every book I read is along the lines of:

>is that the one where Hemmingway fights the space lizards?!

Generally he's fucking shit up in space.

they dont know who he even is

>>5471078
>i wish i wasn't you anymore

>>5470975
I was a bully. I regret being an edgy little shit sometimes, but at least I'm a remorseful former dickhead than a bitter former victim.

I kicked a kid in the dick because I found out he did ballet, I wasn't a very nice boy

>>5471376
Is that a Palahniuk thing?

>>5471367
That sounds like it would be funny the first time but every other time afterwards it would be really fucking annoying.

>>5471384
Never read Guts?

>>5471392
Nope. What's the relation?

>>5471391
Like any office joke.

>>5471394
http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts
I don't want to spoil you.

>>5471391
>>5471395
Pretty much. Reading is frowned upon where everyone else seems bothered about the PS4.

I did always like the idea of writing a short of Hem going to space and being a typical, hyper masculine Earthling hero like some B-movie, somehow splicing economic prose inbetween the lazers and space lizards

>work at the Black and Decker plant
>be in the supply closet, reading Hemingway
>hear a noise from behind me
>supervisor jumps out of a box of gears and grabs my book
"Aha! I've finally caught you! I suspected this for months, but I finally have proof!"
>i'm fucked
>pray for a miracle (not to god though, *tips fedora*)
>suddenly, part of the room starts sparkling
>hemingway jumps out of a rift in spacetime
>he looks at my supervisor
"I'm sorry, but this young man will no longer be in your employment. I need him to fight the evil reptilians of the Babylonian Brotherhood."
>He grabs my cock and teleports the both of us to his ship on the Astral Plane
>spend the rest of my life hunting space lizards with Hemingway
>everything went better than expected

>>5471407
Dude...

>>5471315
But you had a lot of cause for concern, otherwise you wouldn't have taken the test, right? We know you're on the spectrum, which exact disorder ... well who gives a shit.

>>5471315
Why don't you browse /sci/ anymore? Why do you come here when your opinions don't gel with 90% of the regulars?

>/lit/
>not one good greentext story in this thread

I thought you faggets were writers?

>>5471546
You must be new

>>5471562
You must be a detective

>be me
>be 11 year old metalhead in 1999
>sitting on steps of school waiting for ride home
>crack open "catcher in the rye" that local record store owner my dad knows lent me
>older kids pass by scream-asking "WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUREADING?!THENEWSLIPKNOTBOOK???!!!!!!" throw it onto the busy main road
>mfw

>>5471407
>http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts
Not him, but damn... Thanks anon

>>5471147
That was a great read

>>5471533
⇒But you had a lot of cause for concern, otherwise you wouldn't have taken the test, right?
The link is posted like once a week on /b/.

>>5471543
⇒Why don't you browse /sci/ anymore?
Because /sci/'s community discourages intellectual discourse. They only want to circlejerk over 0.999... and calculus homework.

>>5470875
I was reading The Grapes of Wrath in a park and someone scoffed at me. I felt insulted.

>>5471575
Did Slipknot ever write a book? Did Slipknot write multiple books?

>>5471692
nope. at least not that I knew of. the chavy creeps in my town where weirdly obsessed with tagging that band to anyone vaguely "alternative"

>>5471078
i dont get it why is she 17 and a half

>>5471705
*were

> In recondite stupor I awoke
> The young man, tight and angry, stands above me in my cottage
> "Again?" I wondered at him
> "I see nothing has changed," he slaps his thighs and laughs at me. "Are you too daft to be able to arrange a bookshelf normally?"
> "Color coordination appeals to me more than the cold logic of the alphabet."
> At this point the sweat I woke up in runs cold upon my back as I finally manage to perceive the anger in his eyes through the darkness
> He rapes me
> I don't enjoy it half as much as the last time but I pretend to, in an attempt to hurt his determination
> "Pietrov," I whisper, "use a tissue."
> His wipes his masculinity on the bed regardless and lazily appeals "are you so afraid the blood will stain your sheets?"
> The sun has risen by now and a painful light is beginning to fill the room
> "But Pietrov there is no blood"
> I now realize he is colourblind
> A tear runs down my eye, and the sun reflects upon it, as if attempting to contrast the vile situation with a momentary beauty that neither of us perceive
> I faint.

>>5471648
And you think posting inflammatory remarks during others peoples discussions on philosophy is promoting intellectual discussion?

I was reading The Stranger on a nice summer day at a bench in the park. Some guys driving by called me a fag. I guess I was kind of asking for it.

It's what you get for reading books by insufferable, pretentious fuckheads.

>>5471791
did you think about shooting him?

>>5471789
How are inflammatory remarks not "philosophy discussion"? Isn't this what philosophy is all about?

>>5471791
I don't think it was your choice of book; some guys get off of shouting shit at people from the safety of a speeding car

>>5471013
this sounds like something from a confederacy of dunces

Bill Hick's story always makes me laugh; it's a shame he is dead.

>>5471253
Popular kids are usually to secure to exploit somebody else's insecurities. I doubt you were popular at all.

>>5471914
What the fuck. Were you ever a child? The most popular kids are the worst bullies. They're inversely linked.

>>5471973
that's not really true. the real popular kids were usually nice and laid back. the second tier popular kids were mean, since they were in a more defensive position where they needed to establish themselves as different from the losers.

>>5471800
"Philosophy is stupid and for retards, science is the only thing that's correct" is pretty much the tone of all of your posts - and that is not a philosophical discussion.

Imagine the opposite for a moment, in /sci/, you're attempting to have a conversation about cell biology, and in comes a regular anon, using an obnoxious ASCII code for a cross, tells everywhere they're wasting their time because they're not praising the sun.

This is you. You -are- that guy.

> My hometown was a small town in rural QLD
> Get called a faggot and other insults for reading

> Move to the city
> Criticized for my book choices

Sorry, i don't read John Green

>>5471985
By ASCII I meant Unicode of course.
>tfw dodged pedantic nerd comments

>>5471800
You're not answering the question, which was how inflammatory remarks promote intellectual discussion.

>>5471985
⇒and that is not a philosophical discussion.
Of course it is. According to the majority of philosotards on /lit/ philosophy is a synonym for arguing. It is impossible to present an argument without doing philosophy.

⇒ASCII code
unicode

⇒Imagine the opposite for a moment, in /sci/, you're attempting to have a conversation about cell biology, and in comes a regular anon, tells everywhere they're wasting their time because they're not praising the sun.
This actually happens. All the time. Have you ever been on /sci/? /sci/ is non-stop 24/7 trolling. You can't have a biology thread without trolls derailing it into either into religion or /pol/ tier race bait. You can't have a psychology thread without scientologist trolling. You can't have a math thread without someone posting troll math.

>>5471282
my sides

>>5472015
Perhaps you're too unintellectual to recognize the intellectual merit in her remarks.

>>5472020
And if you dislike that in /sci/ why do you do the same here? You must know that newfags are answering you while the rest just ignores you just like any repetitive troll.

>>5472047
Did you just call yourself a newfag?

>>5472054
I'm chosing to chat now that arrowgirl is acting calmly. But I'd really prefer being a newfag than having wasted five or six years in here without making my life any better and knowing all the things I could had accomplished instead of staying until six in the morning posting, so it's all the same to me.

>>5472064
⇒having wasted five or six years in here
You've been here that long? I first discovered 4chan in late 2012 and it's slowly becoming boring.

⇒all the things I could had accomplished
If you were as intelligent as I am, then you'd have no problem managing posting on 4chan while having an above average life with many accomplishments.

Was the last of my class, senior year. In the library in the paperback square. I saw the teen room. Me and my gang of goons smash glass on the wall tile and rattle up the 3DS kids.

>>5471774
Nicely done.

>>5472096

>above average life with many accomplishments

Fuck off, arrow girl

>reading Stoner
>some black kid wearing Beats headphones goes "ayy lmao"

>>5472020
>Of course it is. According to the majority of philosotards on /lit/ philosophy is a synonym for arguing. It is impossible to present an argument without doing philosophy.
straw-man
aren't you always raving about logical fallacies?

>unicode
>>5472014
you're very keen to prove that you're a pedantic nerd, which was clear from the start

>This actually happens. All the time. Have you ever been on /sci/? /sci/ is non-stop 24/7 trolling. You can't have a biology thread without trolls derailing it into either into religion or /pol/ tier race bait. You can't have a psychology thread without scientologist trolling. You can't have a math thread without someone posting troll math.
Why do you have to emulate the behavior you hate? You can't be that unaware that you picked up the shittiest habits possible. Sounds like you grew up on 4chan and are no older than 20 (mentally at least).

>>5472185
>arrowguy embarrassing himself constantly whilst thinking himself above all.
fedora scientism personified.

>>5472096
typical arrowguy, avoid legitimate questions like in >>5472047, de-rail and distract to irrelevant issues when in trouble.

probably the most deluded semi-tripfag we've had.

>>5470875
>taking the bait

bruh if you're getting bullied for reading you would probably be getting bullied for something else if you weren't reading.

Nobody gives a shit: at best they assume you might be intelligent, at worst they'll assume you just want to look intelligent

>>5471282
lost

>>5471567
You're a big guy

>reading Foucault's Pendulum at home
>mother is in a pissy mood
>she comes in and starts bitching me out about chores or someshit
>we get into a shouting match
>after some cooling down time, she comes into my room where I'm still reading to apologize and try to restore piece

>as she's leaving, she stops, turns, looks me right in the eye and says, loudly,
>"Umberto Eco is a horrible writer."
>she leaves and slams the door

>>5472384
well she wasnt wrong

>>5472384

lol she threw a haymaker right to your e-peen

plebbed you out like a punk bitch

>>5472384
>for you

>>5472384
>>after some cooling down time, she comes into my room where I'm still reading to apologize and try to restore piece
>try to restore piece
>restore piece
>piece

>>5472384
Which piece did she want to restore?

>>5472384
wow, not even into women and want to fuck your mom so bad

You're in the library reading Infinite Jest when this guy calmly grabs a seat next to you and says "He can't think, he can't write, there's no discernible talent". What do you do?

Keep in mind he is one of the greatest contemporary literary critics and is well respected w/r/t literature

>>5472570
I play a "well that's just like your opinion man" clip from youtube on my phone, then I kiss his forehead and continue reading.