/lit/ - Literature

"I'll just wait until the end of the line. That way I'll keep warm." I reassured myself. I was just thinking, as I normally do, when a young college student came on the bus. I've always liked college students. They're dumb enough to give me money. She walked down the asle her eyes so full with that spark of life that everyone has at one point. Some never lose it, but I lost mine a while ago. She sat next to me, and I thought "Oh great, another journalism student." I said in a gruff manner, "What do you want?" She, not to be taken back by my rough exterior just moved in closer. She explained, "Hi, I'm Lola. I'm a College student, I go just around the corner. You know, I used to hate you all. Hobos you know? but not anymore. Everyone has a story, and you seem to have the best. You've weathered through it all. You're society's silent vigils. I understand. Please, tell me, what is your story?" I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't want to deal with this. I just wanted to ride the bus, so I ignored her. She brought out her purse and pulled out some money. "Look, I have money. I'm not gonna send this story to anyone. I just want to know your story."

I sighed heavily and began talking. "I wasn't always like this." She nodded in agreement, and her face began breaking into a smile of victory. "I used to be smart, really smart. One of those kids who sat in the back. One of those kids who everyone always said he was a genius. That he was BORN for something. Look at me now" I laughed at how ridiculous I must have seemend. Telling her! a college student how smart I was? I laughed again. My laughs were like an engine, starting small until they revved up with a boisterous bellow and stopped suddenly. She just waited politely. "I had 3 brothers. If you have any siblings you would know what it's like to be the smartest. They just sort of annoyed me, and I'm sure I must've annoyed them. They would just pretend I wasn't there, and I didn't mind either. I was always there, just watching and waiting for myself to bloom into the glorious flower I was always meant to be. Some flower I turned out to be, but I disgress. My brothers were always michevious, and everyone thought there was something wrong with them. I don't disagree. They would hit mailboxes, throw firecrackers at people's doors, even steal. I never reported them to the police. I couldn't they would just attack me. So, I watched. Most of the time however, they were grounded, and when they were I was allowed to roam around. I would walk outside until it was dark. "

I was always home before my mom got home, so I never got in trouble. She was very strict about our curfew. My brothers would try to get me in trouble, but they could just never proove it. Afterall, I was the good kid, and who would belief them? Not my mother. Then, one day, as I was coming back from home, running this time I was a little late, I reached for the door and it was locked. So was the backdoor. I started to panic, I banged on the front door with both of my fists. My brothers contorted their faces into horrible grins as they watched me get their form of cruel justice. I was outside crying when my mother found me. She looked at me with disbeleif.

Mmm copypasta

I paused for a long time, and she never said a word. I finally got around to talking about my story again. "She was so livid when she found me." She yelled at me "WHY ARE YOU OUT?! YOU WERE THE GOOD ONE, THE GOOD ONE! THE. GOOD. ONE." I tried to reproduce the anger in her voice, and that girl, who had never stirred the entire story began to shake when I yelled like my mother did that night. "I went back to my room, and stayed there all night. When I woke I walked into my mothers room to apologize, but I found her there. Hanging from a brown fiber that held her neck up. She danced magnificently twirling this way and that way as she floated motionlessly. She was more pale than I have ever seen anyone, and the rage could still be seen on her face, life so long gone from it. All of a sudden a green goblin named Green Goblin Man appared on the opposite side of her bed. He spoke to me "I killed her. She wanted me to kill her. She said she couldn't handle the financial burden of another horrible, horrible child. So I killed her. Let my name be known to you so it will haunt you for the rest of your life. My name is Green Goblin Man." I looked at the girl when and she was looking away from me. The bus was at the end of the line. I stood up and said "I went to bed those next nights without eating a bite, and I felt and feel very sorry for myself. I shuffled my way off the bus, and waited for another across the street. The women didn't follow me.

>>533376
I just finished this today, how is it copy pasta?

Cool story, bro.

>>533395
Should I submit it to ZWG?

My first story got published on ZWG. It's right here
http://zinewritersguild.wikia.com/wiki/The_President_and_the_Old_Man

>beginning a story describing the weather and time of day

Cool story, bro.

>>533408
That's how "Crime and Punishment" starts out.

>On a cold winter's morning I found myself wandering around Central Park in New York City.

instead try:
"The snow was dirty from the the bums in central park."

>It was gently snowing, and I was cold.

instead try: "I was cold, because I'm one of those bums."

I really can't tell if you are a student trying really hard and need encouragement, or a just a troll writing dreck.

>>533417
Maybe if you weren't so entry level you could comprehend my genius.

>>533414
It's also how an uncountable number of shitty pieces of writing start out.

Don't compare yourself to Dostoevsky.

>>533427
lol, and you know my credentials, how?

>>533431
Are you calling Dostoevsky shitty?
haha oh wow go back to reading twilight

>>533435
Because your review is obviously entry level garbage and you don't even THINK about the deeper meanings of the lines, you just read them as they are. Everything in this story is in there for a reason. Why do you think he is cold, and that he has a tight jacket?

http://zinewritersguild.wikia.com/wiki/The_President_and_the_Old_Man

Did anyone even see this? How I'm going to be in ZWG?

>>533431
>Philosopher-Chan is not Dostoevsky.

What I don't understand, more so than if you are a troll or not, but rather, if you are not a troll, why you ask for criticism, and then defend the dreck with all your might. There might be good things in there, but it's not in your word choice, or style. Perhaps its your e/lit/ist references. I do like those.

>>533417

(he's a troll. he comes on every night to touch himself by posting these horribly self-indulgent threads as a way (he thinks) of satirizing the /lit/ community, but really he comes off as an overbearing annoyance. think of him as the retarded hipster cousin everyone has. the one with the dreadlocks and save the whales bumper sticker)

>>533463
Thanks for pointing that out more clearly. Dude, that's awesome. You are a genius.

Obviously a troll. No one is this much of a self-important douchebag.

>>533492
Except you, clearly.

I do have to give him kudos for his stamina.

>>533466
I wasn't on for like 4 nights I was busy writing this masterpiece. Have you even read it? if you CAN read.

>>533506
Yeah, staying up for 4 nights was pretty hard.

>>533465
Thanks, you are a brother.

>>533576
Ya, that is really awesome how you were able to tie in the death of his mother with how the dude became a homeless man. You know, with guilt. I'm going to be haunted by green goblin man for the rest of my life. It was great. Truly terrifying. no, Brilliant.... wait, no... GENIOUS.

>>533631
[sic]

Thanks OP, going to steal this for my homework assignment now.

>>533427
>>533431
why would you welcome critiques and then shit all over those who critique you? SHIIIIIIIIT, NIGGA

>>533676
because their critiques are too entry level and only address clearly obvious things that I put in there for a reason

>>533686
Fair enough. I didn't read your story because I'm writing at the moment, but.. hey, do you want to make out? You look like you're my type... inb4 are you a man, because yes

Stop trolling and play starcraft

"She danced magnificently twirling this way and that way as she floated motionlessly"

When you allow lines like this to get through your own self-editing, it encourages people to put as much effort into reviewing you as you put into your work, OP. This is a logical paradox: how can it be dancing if it's motionless?

"The women didn't follow me." Your last sentence has a plurality violation in it, because only one WOMAN was listening in on this frame story.

Srsly bro. If you're not a troll. The best critique I can give you is to be a little more careful with your writing, and if you're not willing to do that, then at least be willing to accept "entry-level" critiques.

Even at the "entry-level", these critiques are tearing your writing apart. I'll eat every word if you can go get this published in a paying paper magazine.

>>533686
>>533441
>>533427

>OP uses the phrase "entry level" 3 times
>People still confused about if he's a troll

>>533366

Too many adjectives and passive verbs. "One winter morning I wandered around Central Park. It snowed. My jacket was too light for the weather. I pulled it tighter. I shoulda stayed at the shelter." There. That's much better. You don't overexplain, and you sound less faggy. Unless you're TRYING to sound faggy, in which case kudos to you.

>I sat down at the bus bench and waited for that giant square to arrive.

Maybe the most profound metaphor I've ever seen.

>>533809
Someone who actually gets my genius

>>533853
you should probably send something to a publisher, because you're the best writer to ever live.

>>533859
Can you give me a publisher's e-mail so I can send it to them?

>>533431
>Don't compare yourself to Dostoevsky.

Please, Philo-chan has obviously already kicked Dusty's butt. I mean, undeserved guilt being a green goblin named Green Goblin Man? And yes, "waiting for that giant square to arrive"... I think I may just go and have GGM hang *me* because everything else will be flawed when compared to Philo-chan's words of wisdom.

>>533896
publisher@email.com

>>533913
troll reported

>>533928
woah, man, i'm just trying to help
herpderp

>>533956
So facehurt

>>533765
You're disgusting

>>533383
>>533379
>>533373
>>533368
>>533366

>>534047
This is a story and a /lit/ related thread please leave troll

>>534017
>facehurt

Seriously. What are you, Mormon?

>>533733
even the free ones are ignoring his work. zwg deleted his page on their wiki, and I happen to know that they won't be adding it afterall.