/lit/ - Literature

What a story!

>>4773530
i saw a guy reading Blood Meridian outside of class and we talked about McCarthy for several minutes. it was good.

>read crime and punishment during downtime at my job at a tire shop
>manager asks me what i'm reading
>tell him
>"is it any good?"
>"yeah"

that's it

>Souly

I believe OP has bamboozled our nozzles.

>>4773530
>Wallace's most genius post-mortem prose

y-y-y-ya mean he wrote from the grave?????

>go to coffee shop
>reading bukowski
>hot girl barista serves me coffee
>she is wearing a bukowski shirt
>starts talking to me about bukowski
>i want to dieeeeeeee

>>4773530

>pic related: she looked a bit like this, except prettier and less slutty

I read in various spots all over campus.

I get asked what I'm reading fairly often in those situations, but it never ends in anything interesting because they tend to not actually care.

If work study jobs counts as public, I ask my coworkers and they ask me what we're all reading every day. Usually a lot of good conversation out of it - Friday, I showed some bits out of the Odilon Redon book I was reading to the art student and we talked about Symbolism.

>reading at my local coffee shop
>have in front of me Proust's Time Regained (yes, that's volume 7 of In Search of Lost Time) and three French history books so as to understand each reference
>cute girl nearby reading Wilde's An Ideal Husband
>notice a few surreptitious glances from her but continue to act as though I didn't know she was there
>she gets up to buy something and on her way back stops in front of me and asks in an amiable tone what I'm reading
>look up at her and stare for a few seconds with an annoyed face then look back down at my books
>she walks away uncomfortably
>victory: I am a patrician

>>4773530
you poor douchebag. sympathies. it must be lonely being so authentic.

>be like 19
>desperately trying to make myself look smart and desperately trying to get myself laid but too shy and awkward to do anything proactive about it
>figure that you make your own luck so I need to put myself in situations where smart pretty indie girls can notice me
>spend like two weeks reading Murakami in coffee shops all over the city
>0 bites

I think I got exactly what I deserved.

>college application supplemental asks about discussing a text with a colleague over coffee
>Infinite Jest because that's the point
>In, don't talk to anyone

>>4773736
LOL

>>4773736
You need to up your game
Read conrad, decry him as a racist

>>4773644
at what cost

>riding train home
>sitting in the compartment next to the doors where people sit opposite eachother
>long day, can't even be bothered reading
>a group of Orthodox Jews board the train
>they sit across from me
>my strength is immediately revived
>casually reach down into my bag sitting against my legs
>pull out my pocket-sized copy of Mein Kampf
>I hold it high, making it known to the parasites across from me
>Mein Fuhrer stares boldy at them from the cover of the book
>the Jews, now visibly shaken, storm out of the carage at the next stop.
>I chuckle to myself.
>the other passangers have shuffled away from me.
>when the train reaches my stop I make my way to the door, turn back towards the other passangers, and yell "Sieg heil!"
>laugh about the whole experience driving home in my Volkswagen Beetle.

Such is life as a /pol/ack.

>>4773736
>Murakami

It's like you're trying for the lowest of the low.

>>4773823
>Volkswagen beetle
Classic

>>4773830
>having standards

fucking normalfag

>>4773589

What exactly is wrong with this?

>>4773855
I think he meant that he's uncomfortable talking with people. That's the only way it makes any sense to me.

>be me in train
>blonde 7/10 qt sits next to me
>notice a copy of "The Brothers Karamazov" in her hands
>never sum up the courage to talk to her
>get off at my stop, never saying a word
>get home and browse 4chan

>only use an ebook reader
>hot girls in public/coffee shops can't tell what books I'm reading
>they probably think I'm browsing le reddit or playing angry birds
>mfw

>Reading at my local coffee shop
>Halfway through my sixth attempt at reading Gravity's Rainbow
>Am ironically highlighting every instance Pynchon uses the term "sez" or makes a scatological reference
>Realize that on the other side of the shop a young woman in my Advanced Post-Literature Theories class is eyeing my furrowed brow and contemplative posture
>Pretend not to notice and scribble "rocket = penis?" on the current page's margin
>She gets up and approaches my table
>I ignore her and underline an entire passage about a Nazi having gay sex
>She clears her throat and I finally look up with a slightly annoyed look on my face
>"Hey anon, it's me, from class. I saw you were reading Pynchon and I thought maybe we could have coffee and talk about him for a bit, if you're not too busy I mean."
>I fart sarcastically, thus subverting the traditional expectations of male flirting behavior and demonstrating my irreverence for the social and sexual norms that have been imposed on us for centuries by the straight white male bourgeoisie
>She pauses for a minute with a puzzled look on her face, then smiles and loudly farts also, showing me that she got the joke
>"Have a seat" I say
>She pulls up a chair
>"So what do you think of Gravity's Rainbow?"
>"It's really really good. I mean, there's so much that's going over my head but it's just such a wild ride that I've learned to like the confusion"
>"That's what I thought too. It's probably the best book I've ever read"
>"I agree"
>We both fart simultaneously and I signal to the waiter to bring her a latte

>Be at local Bookstore
>Eyeing P&V 'Brothers Karamazov'
>Don't pick it up, it's been there for weeks and I have about five books anyway
>Girlfriend comes out of store
>Some super QT size 0 who came in between my checkout and my gf's checkout grabbed the copy
>It was probably just for class and she won't even appreciate it
>I will never have a threesome with her
>Read Pynchon and drink

>>4773893
you did the right thing

>>4773893
that is the right thing to do. talking to her would have been embarrassing and autistic

>>4773936
is this you
>>4773932

>>4773944
No, sort of weird coincidence I guess.

>be me
>see girl in library
>she's cute
>she asks "do you know what the password for the library internet is?"
>I say I don't know
>she says that's fine
>I never spoke to her again, I never had the courage
I'mso autistic and I don't fit into society.

>be in the bathroom
>see Absalom, Absalom! sticking out of a qt 8/10 girl's purse while she's doing her makeup in the mirror
>emerge from my stall
>"That's a pretty good book; Faulkner completely destroyed my ideas of what a narrator should be along with my images of post-Civil War Southern psychology."
>"I don't think you're supposed to be in here"
>she quickly grabs her purse and leaves even though she only has eyeliner on one eye
>I go back to my stall and cry

why am I so autistic guys? all I want is an intelligent girl to talk about Faulkner with

>>4773932

>>4774028
Lol'd.

Why I considered the posibility of you being a lesbian before a troll post, I don't know.

>>4773830
>>4773842
1Q84 was good though.

>>4773530
>souly

lel

>be reading at coffee shop
>guy brings me coffee
>"hey man, what're you reading?"
>"Oh, it's an anthology"
>"You mean like where you study people or whatever?"
>"Ummm... I guess... sort of?"

I didn't realize until later that he was probably referring to anthropology.

>>4775146
Definitely had the same thing happen to me at a charity book fair. I was purchasing loads of Shakespeare, Artaud, Brecht, Lessing, etc. as well as a few collections of plays obviously. The old lady cashing me out then smirkingly inquired whether I studied—then picking up the book she was to ring in—anthology.
I was flabberghasted and responded with an equally jarring non-sequitur. OK, I said, then walked away after making one last chance at eye contact so she could see my sadness at the circumstances that despite not expecting everyone to know everything, an aged person pleasantly surrounded by books still doesn't know what an anthology is. The difference being that anthropology is the study of man and an anthology is a colourful collection, as rich and beautiful as a flower.

>>4773596
(:

I don't think I've ever been in a coffee shop in my home-town and seen somebody read a real book. It's not a very important issue though...

The real problem is when you can't get seats on the edge and you have to sit in the middle.

>>4775171

>referring to florilegia as "anthologies"

I bet he doesn't even know Greek

>>4775188

SOMEBODY POST SOME BROWNBEAR STORIES NOW

>start going to starbucks regularly about 3 years ago to read
>didn't want to have small chat with baristas so i wrote my name and what i wanted on a napkin and handed it to cashier
>get my drink
>continue this until everyone there knows my name and what i want
>still haven't said a single word
>everyone thinks i'm a mute
>whenever they ask me any thing i answer with head nod or shake
>"what ya readin?"
>hold up book
>kept this up for 3 years
>everyone still thinks i'm a mute
>2 years ago this cutie pie started working there
>slowly fall in love with her despite not saying anything to her she always talks at me when i come in
>eventually decide i'm going to ask her out
>walk in one day and she's working the register
>nod at her and give her a smile and she enters my order
>pay
>stand there for 10 seconds working up the nerve to ask her out
>"w-would y-you ever want to go out for c-coffee?"
>every single person in the starbucks goes dead silent, the regulars all look at me mouth agape, one barista drops a plate
>girl lets out a "what theeeeee fuuuuuuck?"
>walk out without my drink
>never go back

seriously fuck starbucks what an evil company

>>4775239

8.2/10

>>4775239
>asking someone out for coffee in a coffee place

Comedy gold.

>>4773530
>Wallace's most genius post-mortem prose
Ha ha, what?

>go to Sunday mass
>bring a collection of religious texts with me
>the Koran, Vedas, ..The Satanic Bible
>sit myself down in the front row
>openly flick through them during the service
>lel as I hear the elderly mumbling around me
>place Flying Spaghetti Monster pamphlets in the collection plate
>tip my fedora to the priest at the end

>Arrive at my local coffee shop
>Holding a folder filled with the notes to my latest self-published effort, 'The Dragons of Gargonell'
>It's my best novel yet, I'm nearly finished
>Walk confidently up the counter, nod to the barisstette
>"Morning, ma'am, I'll have my usual."
>"I, I'm sorry, but I don't recognise new."
>"You must be new," I smirk
>"No, I've worked here for years."
>"Of course you have, dear. Make it a latte with extra cream then. Oh, and hot, if you can manage it!"
>She says "okay", and I slip a pound coin into her breast pocket, and give her a wink
>Go over to wait by the counter for my order
>I lick my index fingers and smooth my eyebrows, bouncing slightly on the balls of my feet to show off my agility
>At this point, I've decided to make love to this little strumpet
>"Hey, doll, think you can hurry it up, some of us are authors of here!" (It works every time, girls love authors)
>As I finish this sentence, I raise up my leather folio and, somehow, the binding snaps (shoddy European work), a hefty sheath of paper (which I'd dyed yellow with tea bags, for that authentic manuscript look) fall to the floor
>As this happens, the baristette is walking over with my latte
>Seeing the papers fall, she begins laughing (nervous, perhaps) and trips over
>She, and the mug of coffee, go flying through the air
>The coffee lands, smashes, and spills all over my beloved manuscript
>"MI CORPUS!" I scream, dropping my cane
>She rushes over, grabbing napkins, but its too late
>I am knelt on the floor, trousers and novel soaked by coffee
>She begins apologising
>I slowly rise, put a short, thick finger to her lips and shake my head
>"It's not enough," I whisper, as I begin pulling her elvish body toward me, "not enough..."
>She tries to push away for some reason (probably still annoyed at herself for ruining my book), but I am stronger and hold her tight
>"Not enough. It will never be enough"

Why would you read in a coffeeshop? How is that enjoyable?

Also, I always see hipster girls on the subway reading with the cover visible to everyone on purpose and it's always the most inane entry level shit, On the Road, American Psycho, Catcher in the Rye ffs.

The other day I saw this hispanic not-alt teenager reading The Idiot by Dostoevsky that was cool.

>>4775337

Unless it's fucking Twilight it's really not that important

>>4775337
I'm at panera bread right now reading, though I'm here to chill before school starts.

Coffee mug is 2 bucks, infinite regills.

>>4775337
Why do birds sing? Why do tarantula dance? Young people are trying to look for sexual mates and friends. It's silly, but it's a very natural thing. One has to be incredibly stupid to not be able to understand this type of behavior in humans.

>>4775377

>Coffee mug is 2 bucks, infinite regills

Is that normal? It's like three-fiddy a cup here and no refills.

>>4775337
Well you can get coffee right there for starters.

When I read in bookshops a lot it was because I had an hour long commute on public transport through the city center. It sucked and taking an extra half hour in the middle of it to sit and read in a nice cozy coffee shop was really nice.

>>4775393
Yea, there's pouring stations here, they cycle the coffee pretty well too, almost always fresh.

>>4775393
$4 coffees in a cup that's a metric cup, no refills.

Living in a boomtown sucks when you're not part of the boom.

>>4775293
>place Flying Spaghetti Monster pamphlets in the collection plate
>tfw i did this when i was very young and edgy

>>4775337
>always see hipster girls on the subway reading with the cover visible to everyone on purpose
You shouldn't be so judgmental anon

>>4775337
im just imagining being the kind of person who actually gets riled up at people reading with the covers visible o my days thats funny

>>4775421
How is this edgy? You're bringing satirical knowledge to brainwashed sheeple.

I remember last Sunday my mom forced me to take my weekly shower and dragged me to church. I went, but I didn't take off my twilight Trilby. I was reading the God Delusion and sighing heavily after ever amen.

Needlessly to say, my mother won't be taking me anywhere anymore.

>>4775299
Brilliant! Is this new?

>>4775299
As my old co-worker would have said: he's a legend in his own mind!

I'd love to read a collection of short stories or vignettes about this character, or maybe watch a little mini-series about him.

>>4773904
>implying they'd be any more attracted to/less repulsed by you if they knew you were reading whatever /lit/shit you were reading

>>4773932
>Joyce and Nora's first date

I was reading in a bar drunkenly and was approached by two girls who were being approached by two older men. Needless to say there was no reading after that because the girls were drunk and wanted to hang out, which was distracting, which made the two men a bit angry, which was more distracting. I was accused several times of being 'patronizing' or 'condescending' by one of the men, I was asked if a book about hell was 'dark', and why an English translation of Italian verse didnt rhyme.

I made out a bit with one of the girls, the other had some kind of breakdown about her boyfriend, and the men left. The two girls were actually very nice in the end, and the men werent bad either, they bought some drinks for the table before they left, but the evening as a whole was plebeian as fuck

>>4773932

>>4775337
Oh you must be one of those people who reads with the cover facing you

I often ask girls what they're reading if they're alone and reading.

If its shit, I say good day and away

>>4775299

>>4775548
>I say good day and away

*Twirls cape*

>>4775566
>twirls cape
I lol'd. That is probably how >>4775548 does it.

>>4773893

The feels are flowing now.

>>4775337

>On the Road.

Lel

>1998
>taking the subway back home from university
>see qt 3.14 reading Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling
>say to myself that I should approach her, but too shy/autist to actually do it
>put my headphones on and try to forget it
>after some minutes, finally reach my station
>get up, go to closest door
>mfw the qt is right by my side, also waiting to exit
>suddenly grow some guts and talk to her
>'hey, i saw you are reading some Kierkegaard, blablabla'
>she smiles at me
>we end up having a nice conversation about existentialism while walking down the street
>close to my neighborhood, we say goodbye and she asks for my ICQ
>...
>2014
>we are married with 3 kids

Nostalgia

>Reading the once and future king at work
>Very attractive hispanic lady suprised that holy shit people read.
>She is /lit/ as fuck
>Turns out she's 45 but because race looks young.
>Lives with her mom and almost has her masters.
>FRIENDSHIP ESTABLISHED.
Good End.

>>4775611
Please tell us more glorious, non autist anon

>>4775611
Watch out anons, you could end up married like this person, if you talk to strangers about literature.

>>4773823
>Volkswagen Beetle
epic my friend
epic

>>4773530
6.5/10 pretty entertaining.

>>4775614
its my dream to go out with a middle aged woman

>>4775611
>3 kids
are you rich

>>4774074
>I considered the possibility of you being a lesbian

Lel, so did I

>>4773530
>>4773530
>Walk into basement cafe
>Reading Kant's Metaphysics for class
>Old dude with a funny hat walks up to me and pats me on the back
>Gives me a dozen compliments, tells me to get hype for Schopenhauer and Kierkegaard
>Listen to him talk about continentals for the next thirty minutes

3months later

>He is my professor for intro to logic
>Always talk to him after class, shows me the beauty of Alice in Wonderland, gives me love for syllogisms
>Wants me to take his formal logic course
>tfw when I got drunk after stressful day
>saw my midterm mark
>dropped the class before I even think

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3ifsQOFiPw&feature=kp

>read on kindle
>reading Harry Potter
>qt 3.14 comes up, asks what I'm reading
>change to textbook for mech engineering
>???
>receive pussy

>>4773893

>in uni, public seating area
>reading Lolita
>7/10 guy walks by
>watches me for a long moment
>he pitches a tent
>leaves without saying a word
>go home
>browse 4chan

But no really, I was reading Lolita in the middle of uni.

>>4773904

>having an e-reader that has internet access

You deserve to be alone.

>>4775611
What are your kids names? If they have a literary basis that is

>>4775539

>reading in a bar drunkenly

sry but u might be a faggot

>>4775611
Nice story anon

>>4775377

Shit, sign me up. Around here, you have to go to a diner to get infinite coffee. And they'll be pissed if you just order coffee and sit around for an hour.

>>4775791
I definitely am but I was only in the bar because I had ran out of wine at my house and the liquor stores were closed. Its not like I went there out of choice

>year or so ago in high school
>bring paperback Necronomicon to school (HP Lovecraft Commemorative)
>paperback version's cover is made similarly to stereotypical Bible (gold words, black and textured. etc.)
>reading it in class
>other kid thinks it's a bible
>kid's eyes widen when he reads "Necronomicon" on the front
>"... are you allowed to bring that kinda stuff to school?"
>"they have to." i said, while showing him my Cthulhu dog-tag "it would be religious discrimination otherwise."
>class thought i was a cultist from then on
>feelsgood.jpeg

>in uni
>reading Inferno
>friend approaches
>7.5/10 girl
>"Oh hey anon, what you read?"
>Inferno.
>"Really ? oh wow i always want to read it ! I heard its a good book !"
>You can borrow it once im done
>hands her the book
>she opens the book, see few pages
>"Oh crap, its in english? umm.. no, i guess, i'll just search for the one's translated in our language"
>hand back the book
>she left
>mfw
>continue reading

top kek.

>>4775807

>>4775812
that fucking picture

>>4773562

>>4773589
Yea, I know, he's a pretty good read. But god, who'd want to be such an asshole?

>>4775337
>Catcher in the Rye ffs
Oh wow, I'm reading that now ;_;

It's not my fault, for some reason it wasn't required reading for AP lit and only the regular classes read it, so I'm playing catch up since I just started getting into reading.

>tfw 19 at uni and have already read TBK but don't want people to see me reading Catcher in the Rye now.
It's bretty good though....

>>4775785
>Virginia
>Bukowski
>Ernest
How'd you know?

>>4775860
>19
My dear boy, what are you doing here? You should be day drinking with pretty girls in the park

>>4775870
>My dear boy, what are you doing here?
I'm at "work" for my scholarship at uni. All I do is sit at the medical campus library circulation desk and say hi to people when they walk in and talk to strangers. So yea, kind of bored, time for /lit/

>>4773932
good

>at college
>no friends/acquaintances
>always go to its library between classes
>start getting really bad anxiety/depression
>begin skipping classes and just read in the library
>usually have some Hesse or Japanese lit book to read
>no matter the day always see the same guy come in and sit adjacent to me in the area we were in

I don't know if there's a word for this but it was kind of nice seeing them there. I withdrew the semester after but wondered about what that guy was doing or if he noticed I was gone, I doubt it but whatever.

>>4775866

>Bukowski

I kind of hope you're not joking

>>4775811
wher eu from

>>4775832
Hehe. Good song.

>be at college
>not bad looking but pockets preloaded with spaghetti
>manage by sheer looks to get sex a couple of times (they never called back)
>desperate
>find ugly, yet nice-legged chick with a nice butt in my English class
>fuck her repeatedly
>she cajoles me into asking her out
>too weak to say no
>1 year later I still have an ugly gf but at least get sex for it
>find that I'm so vain that how nice I am to her varies by how much I can stand her face
>Think daily of dumping her and finding a qt
>remember about spaghetti
>desperate

>>4776137
Take up some form of exercise as a shared hobby. Hiking. Running. Racket ball. Take up cooking. Start eating better.

Also if you don't like her personality, you should break up with her because the honeymoon part of the relationship is likely going to be over in the next six to twelve months and you're going to have to want to be with the person.

>>4776137

you need to end it sooner than later. trust me.

>>4776137
>>4776154
This. I know where you're at with this. If you're not happy you're just wasting your time and hers.

>>4776154
Sounds like there's a story there...

>>4776146
She's pretty free-spirited, which contrasts nicely with my having invited my spirit out for drinks, drugging it, and pushing it down a well, but she's dumb as fuck and I can't have any substantive conversations with her. I do want to be with her, if only from the fear and uncertainty of being alone. She is pretty comforting to be around tho

>>4775506

It is. I just wrote it because I was having so much fun in this thread and wanted to contribute.

>>4776209
>fun, comfortable
>dumb as fuck
>can't have a substantive conversation

It sounds like you've got a friend with an accessible pussy. You want a best-friend with an accessible pussy, ideally, if your relationship is going to be worth the emotional and other costs of supporting another human being to the best of your ability.
And if you don't admire something in her, deeply admire, then you don't love her, and your relationship is predicated on a lie, because she likely assumes, or has mis-interpreted, your doing that.

>>4776137

A butterface is better than a whale. I'll remind you that 2/3 of people are overweight.

You're living the good life.

>>4776209

>Sounds like there's a story there...

I stuck around with this girl for a while even though I didn't feel the way about her that she felt about me because the sex was incredible. When I went to break things off she threatened to kill her self. Posted a bunch of shit on Facebook about me and how I was going to be responsible for her killing herself. She's still alive and despite my restraining order she still calls me randomly to threaten me and my current girlfriend.

Admittedly there were a few signs that I kind of ignored when I was with her that should have set off red flags. When I had sex with her the first time she yelled at me for tossing the jimmy hat and wanted to dig it out of the trash to keep it as a reminder of our first time. I flushed it. She also said she really identified with characters in The Bell Jar and The Virgin Suicides but I guess I never really thought about it all that much. I chalked it up to her just being a pretentious artsy type. She had an eating disorder too which got progressively worse as we dated.

Do people really take up space in public just to read? Why can't you just do it at home? How desperately do you want to be seen reading?

I don't like reading in public because of all the people.

>at library discarded book sale
>friend comes up with Godel, Escher, Bach
>guy standing next to us says "oh, that's a great book. dense, but great"
>pick up a Ulysses for a dollar, notice he smirks
>he recommends sophocles
>spidey senses tingling
>mention Infinite Jest to friend
>he pipes in "that book is beautiful"
i got the fucker
he did find a first-edition farewell to arms though, so good for him

>>4776313

> 2/3 of people are overweight.
> amerifats actually think this is normal

>>4776209

>she's dumb as fuck

You may not be so smarted yourself cocksucker, maybe that's why she was even chose to be with you in the first place fucko.

>working in library
>fellow qt worker is extremely well read but not an ass about it
>we regularly exchange books and discuss them
>confesses that she has been in an affair with a older woman for the past 4+ years to me (i'm the only one who knows)
>texts me in the middle of the night saying she had a dream that we were lovers in a past life

I thought this was what I wanted

>>4777040
You're not meant to attain the objet petit a. We warned you about the jouissance, bro, we told you dog.

>>4775832
eeeeevil home stereo
whaaaat good songs do ya know

>>4773567

so true

people just want to say something. it might seem stupid and superficial but what else is there to say. they have some interest and just want to express it. most times they don't know how. and some times all they are interested in is that they never see anyone reading and think it's strange. this isn't necessarily negative.

>>4775866
>Bukowski

>>4773530
>souly
You're really getting the most out of your education OP, worth every penny.

Why do people go to coffee shops to read? Can't you just read at home?

>>4777058
but just thinking that it's been 4 years since she's had a dick and is trapped in a loveless relationship makes me so horny. Just like my lost generation literature

>>4775812

the best are the saggy mom boobs

>>4777010
Why so enraged?

>>4777040
So have you dicked her?

>>4775807
>Cthulhu dog tag
>Super edgemaster version of necronomicon
Underage, reported.

>>4775337
Coffee shop near my uni offers one free refill (although I get unlimited just because I go there everyday) and also serves hookah, though I only get that like twice a month. The place is one of the only places nearby that actually knows what it's doing as far as lighting and ambiance goes. The owner doesn't talk much and has some indistinguishable European accent, but judging by the decor and the books he keeps on the bookshelf (all musty as fuck because nobody reads them), he's pretty interested in the Greeks. There are tons of Greek style statues and vases and he rents out one corridor to local artists that he likes where you can buy a piece if you like. The coffee is also the best that I've ever tasted in a coffee shop and people smoking hookah make the place smell pretty good.

I really do go there almost ritually everyday at around 11. They employ somewhere around 30 people though most of the employees hang out there even when they're not working. There are some regulars besides me that all talk to each other but I generally keep to myself and read books.

End plug.

>>4775812

: ^ ) epic

>>4775611
>marriage
Surely now having written that out, you've realized your horrible mistake.

I know you must be panicking right now, wonder how you're going to escape. Let me just say, relax and call a divorce lawyer right away. This doesn't have to be difficult. Lucky women get the kids most of the time so they won't be a problem. Just trust the lawyer. You can do this.

>>4776894
Cheap apartments offer lower quality reading environments. Good cafes offer comfy chairs with good lighting and coffee. Libraries are usually the quietest place you can go and again most cheap apartments have loud neighbors or are situated by main streets. Plus it's better for the mood to be around people even if you're not talking to them.

>>4776137
The secret plus side to dating a butterface is that you rarely have to worry about some other douche stealing them and they are usually willing to do things qt3.14s wouldnt

>>4773567
>"yeah"
He gave you a chance to talk about it but it seems like you just didn't even try to socialize.

>>4777335
>Yes
>No
What else is there to say?

>Walk into local coffee shop for the first time
>Look around and smile inwardly at all the beflanneled undergraduates on their Macbooks, working on their screenplays and sociology assignments
>My being lights up with the knowledge that at the very least I'm self-conscious, and not on a Macbook, or trying so very hard like these people are to show others that I'm 'intellectual' or 'deep'
>ha ha
>oh, me; oh these people
>ha ha
>...
>Realize that I'm projecting my own securities onto total strangers I know nothing about
>Realize that I use words like 'beflanneled'
>Realize that these people are actually doing productive things and interacting with each other, while I sweep them with my eyes for uncomfortably long periods of time and smile glibly to myself
>Order a very sad cup of tea and sit down by myself in the corner

>>4777366
>interacting with each other
>coffee shop
lol faggots

>>4777250
The average off-brand coffee shop in California is either
1) "modern" - completely sterile, brightly lit, white with mainly novelty drinks. Echoing acoustics make conversation impossible
2) "indie" - chalkboard menu, dumb vintage couches, lame, loud music and an impetus to talk loudly in groups
3) "punk" - the same but darker, and worse music playing more loudly, some terrible art on the walls, uglier employees and usually even higher prices

That sounds like a nice place, though

>>4777366
>beflanneled

>>4777289
It's more distracting and costs money. And it doesn't matter how cheap an apartment is, if it has lights and at least one comfortable chair, it's totally suitable. You can also sit or lay in whatever position you want.

>>4773932

My sides have reached uranus.

>mfw i work at a cafe
>mfw no qts ever come to read, just fat people because we have good paninis
>mfw no face

>>4775445
I hope your dad beats the shit out of you for being an edgy little faggot.

>>4773530
>"Look, I come from a really abstract place"

>>4777407
Sounds pretty try hard.

At this place, the employees play music off a little notebook the owner has on the counter. It's usually pretty good and played at a moderate volume, and even if you don't like it, you can go in the next room where the music doesn't travel at all.

Alternatively, 80% of the times I'm there, this dude comes in an plays the piano that's in the main area and he's pretty great. Even though it's hard to concentrate on reading when he plays, I don't particularly mind it since he plays pretty well for an eccentric cafe pianist.

>>4777448
It's not really distracting if you're used to it. The muffled sounds of my fellow tenants is far more distracting to me, plus the air is stifling since there's only one window. Maybe you're not sensitive to ambiance, but I am. The cost is negligible right now since retail coffee prices have risen with the droughts, not to mention this particular cafe seems like it's especially designed to cater to readers or people studying.

I'm curious as to why you're so averse to leaving your apartment when there's more suitable places elsewhere. I'm guessing /lit/ has shamed you into thinking that if you don't read in total isolation with the windows closed then you somehow aren't "really" a reader. Are you also the type of person who lives their life with the fear of being labeled a hipster?

>>4777749
I just disagree that there are more suitable places elsewhere. I can't think of a single area in which some eatery beats my apartment.

>>4777757
Then you live in a town that's far from any city center or major university, or you simply have a nice apartment, or you haven't visited a significant number of establishments in your area.

>>4777768
I live in Harlem, right next to the campus of CCNY. My apartment may have roaches but it also has padded chairs and my bed, food which I've already paid for and I'm allowed to dress however I want.

>>4777779
I wear gym shorts and my shitty looking sweatshirt in the cafe.

Whatever, be a martyr for the literary lifestyle, it doesn't really matter to me.

>>4773767
there is something really off about the way you phrased this whole thing

>>4777789
>be a martyr
says the guy putting on shoes and walking down the street when he could just read his book sprawled out on his bed or curled up in his chair in the comfort of his own home

>>4777826
>comfort of his own home
What don't you understand? This doesn't exist.

>>4777837
What a sad life you must lead.

>>4777837
speak for yourself

>>4777858
Hardly, I get out in the fresh air every day and get to drink good coffee while reading a book and doing homework with pianists playing in the background. Meanwhile you live in a roach infested shithole in Harlem and won't leave because you have padded chairs.

>>4777865
>speak for yourself
Who else would I be speaking for? He was replying directly to me and I was replying to him.

>>4773530
You remind me of Ignatius from Confederacy of Dunces

>>4777869
go fuck yourself faggot

>>4778579
faggot detected

>>4773567
classic

>>4775239
>seriously fuck starbucks what an evil company

This thread is gold.

>>4775566
actually I flip-toss my scarf

>>4775866
So kids in the sandpit call him Buck? Does he have literally big balls

>>4775239
lel this post made front page of reddit on /r/4chan

https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/23245m/lit_frequents_a_coffee_shop/

>>4775611
the name of the girl?, Albert Einstein

>>4773780
He was. But so what? Everyone else from that era was too.

>>4778946
Nobody fucking cares, you enormous cocksucking nigger.

>2014
>on /lit/
>not being a part of the Battery Park Book Exchange master race
Wow, you guys really are plen. pic related

>>4779205
Oh so glorious

>>4779211

>>4779218
dear lord, and I live so close

>>4777335
iktf

I give panicked one word answers to everything and people think I'm dismissive

>>4773815
Ephemeral "pleasures"

>>4779238
Where are you at?

>>4773644
Nope. You're a faggot.

>>4779205
wait do you have to be "a part of" it?
you can't just go and check it out?

I had a nice chat about the Carnaval masks they were selling in the shop that sells excessively expensive leather notepads and other pretentious rubbish with the attractive young woman who was working there. She seemed to agree it was unpleasant that they also sold Batman's Joker face masks made using the traditional method, then told me an anecdote about their typical customers. She was cute but looked a little familiar and I think she may belong to an online community in which I was famous for having been arrested for kidnapping so seemed like it may have been a dead end.

>>4779296
Oh no, you can. When I said "be a part" it's referring to the "master race" at the end, not the club. The club is just describing the master race.
>that champagne bar

>>4779301
well that took a very funny turn

>>4775756
You dropped the course because of intoxication?

>>4779318
I never actually kidnapped anyone and was released without charge but that sort of thing makes it pretty much impossible to clear your name entirely.

>>4775284
He wrote it after his death.

Wallace is famously known as one of the great post-mortemists.

>>4775611
>we are married with 3 kids
You fucked up.

>>4779370
>He wrote it after his death.
*It was published after his death.

>bring my uberduperintellectual book to the bus
>dont even read it, I just put it in front of my face so that when people look at me all they see is a title they dont understand
>noone pays attention to my superior tastes
feels bad man

>>4779402

What the fuck us a ticoronanda

>>4779481
It is a pencil manufacturer and also a shitty town in the adirondack mountains.

>>4773567
>read some book called Cezmi
>girl asks how is it
>good
>'Wonderful explanation, anon, bravo!'
>Oh.. Well, the language Namık Kemal uses is wonderful, it is the best one i've seen so far. The story itself is also very good, and it sticks to the historical truths. One minus though, mostly because of Ottoman authors were new to novels i think, he sometimes mixes up theatre -play?- elements. Other than that it's beautiful, you should read.
>Hm. Ok. You didn't had to make a literary comment though, heh.
I want to fuck her.

>Reading Demons on the bus
>Girl sits by me and asks what I am reading
>"Demons"
>"Oh I don't know that one, who wrote it?"
>"Dostoevsky"
>"Never heard of him."

Well... maybe she didn't understand the name the way I pronounced it.

>>4779481
GOAT pencil brand

>>4779301
>an online community in which I was famous for having been arrested for kidnapping so seemed like it may have been a dead end.


elaborate???

>>4779481
>not using 'Rogas
How did you even make it through school?

>>4779486
>>4779659
What sort of coward uses pencils instead of pens?

>>4778640
>>4778655
>>4779202
You guys made me burst out laughing while in the library with a qt sitting across from me, damn you all

>>4773530

> Ticonderoga

Ticonderoga a shit Mirado black warrior the strongest

>>4779692
Cheap pencils are much, much better than cheap pens.

>>4775811
>Reading Dante in a barbaric non-romance language
She probably lied to avoid hurting your feelings.

>>4776331

>jimmy
>hat

>jimmy hat

This is the best thread on 4chan right now.

>>4775811

Reading Dante in English is like hearing a heavy metal cover of Puccini.

>not reading on top of a mountain that outdoorsy girls hike to the top of occasionally so you can brag about getting in your daily cardio, loving the outdoors and reading at the same time

>>4779827

>tfw the wind in Scotland and the Lake District is so strong that it's practically impossible to read Romantic poetry ten months of the year

>>4779833
>not doing the same with your shirt unbuttoned and your hair ungelled then and holding the damn page down like a man

Anyone ever notice how people will walk into somewhere with a book and place the book cover down? I feel like its without fail that people do this. It's like they are intentionally going out into public to be seen reading but then go an extra step by hiding the cover so you will HAVE to inquire further as to what they're reading.

Also I used to live in a very snooty town where people would do dumb shit like read War and Peace/ Infinite Jest/ Faulkner/ Heidegger/ Kant in the busiest spots in town where it would be 99.999999% impossible to comprehend that shit on outside distractions alone.

Addendum: Could anyone relate the book cover thing to Heidegger's notion of closedness. Just a thought...

>>4779894
I actually do this so that people don't see what I'm reading and think I'm pretentious

>tfw live with 4 other guys all loud as fuck
>local library is absolute garbage and always filled with obnoxious teenagers playing flash games and runedscape
>too cold still to read outside
>coffee shop is my only option

kill me please

>>4779979
I think that is why people do it as well, but isn't that being extremely presumptious and certainly pretentious.

>>4780047
it's just being ashamed and self-loathing

>>4780047
>look out of corner of your eye
>see the man next to you is reading "The Big Gay Book of Nude Homosexual Hairy Men with their Dicks Out"
>lmao your ass off
>if only he had left the cover down, he wouldn't be getting lol'd @

>>4780047
Well, people sometime call me pretentious no matter what side I show, so I'm just going to go wiht the one that attract less attention

>>4775832
I like Modest Mouse and all, but does everyone have to bring up that goddamn song every time Bukowski is mentioned?

>there are people who are self conscious about reading in public

it must be miserable to be so inhibited

>go into café to read book
>it's full of stitch and bitch groups
>chicks talking about superfluous bullcrap
>kids being all noisy and shit
>this was a terrible mistake

Afterwards I moved my couch under my window, better than that coffeehouse shit.

>at coffee shop
>smoking and wearing a black turtleneck while reading Sormanuel Ivanonvich Nietzizekenhauer's Post-Post-Modernist Deconstruction of the Ethics of Neo-Socialist Collectivist Oligarchism
>ugly ass pleb girl sits next to me
>pulls out fucking Twilight
>quietly says hi
>asks what I'm reading and says she's into literature
>tell her she's never read a fucking book in her life
>tell her to get the fuck out, no plebs allowed here
>she runs off crying
>finish reading, pack book in satchel between two copies of Infinite Jest and go home to post on /lit/

Today was a good day.

>>4779657
How did you pronounce it?

>>4780160

doo-stoo-yaerf-skiie

>>4777899

>muh valve
>muh 12 inches of paradise
>muh boethius

>>4780150
ashamed to say i laughed heartily

>>4780230
it's dost - oy - ev- ski

>>4777822
exactly

Is there any area of anything at all in which DFW is relevant?

I can't think of any. It sure isn't literature.

>>4773596

>>4780740
it's both fitting and hilarious that dfw will end up a mere footnote in texts on american literature

>>4775547
lost it

>>4780740
Why do you enjoy shitposting?

>>4780740
I always think Dallas-Ft. Worth when I see that.

>>4780150
Lel

>>4780150
>two copies of infinite jest

>The autistic faggots who always shit their pants over the concept of public reading
>ITS FOR ATTENTION
>PEOPLE ARE COMPELLED TO BUG YOU, JEEZ.

I'm going to read all of Gravity's Rainbow outside this summer just for you faggots. Really display that shit, too.

>>4781159
>Hey watcha' readin'?

>>4780767

POST SOME MOTHERFWARKING BROWNBEAR STORIES

>>4781159
>implying you're not doing it for attention
>implying it's bad to do something for attention

>>4781159


i still read in public because growing up i pretty much never whent someone without a book, i need something to keep my mind occupied when not doing anything particular.

>>4781159
>wanting to interact with normalfag plebs
>not showing off your patrician taste
>not proving you are better than other people because you possess a superior taste in literature

>>4774104
How are the last 2 volumes. I just finished the first one and liked it a lot.

>>4773904
>using an ereader that can play games and browse the internet

>read book
>no one ever says anything to me

What book should I read in public in order to attract the attention of a qt intelligent grill /lit/?

>>4781187
>I sure hope sol-kun and breeze-senpai notice m-meee ~~<3

>>4781215
Most people know that I'm better than them as soon as I walk through the fucking door. By the time I stroll over to the best seat and open up my leather bound copy of Ovid's Metamorphoses, they've either retreated out of shame of have averted their eyes as they approach on their knees with offerings. I am gracious of course, so I accept all of their pathetic gifts before dismissing them outside of my required 30 meters of personal space and begin reading aloud from Ovid's masterwork. The waiter soon requests audience to present me with the glass of goat milk I ordered 5 minutes prior. He is sweating, apparently having ran to the organic market across town to retrieve it. I appreciate his effort but the sight of him repulses me so I order someone else to take the glass and wipe it down with a baby wipe from my satchel before placing it on the table before me. After drinking the milk I place my bookmark fashioned from a Toys 'R Us receipt and leave through the kitchen so as not to attract too much attention on the main road.

>>4775887

When I was doing my work placement they gave me to a private high school and I sat in the back doing processing all day. That sucked.

I can't drink coffee, it gives me a headache unless it's ridiculously weak, and by then there's no point.

>sitting in independent coffee shop
>drinking a cup of lightly roasted Columbian pour over coffee
>reading A Critical History of 20th Century Art to broaden my knowledge on the cultural climate of continental philosophy, mainly the French
>cute, smart looking Asian girl comes in with an older lady, probably her mom
>they sit at the table next to me
>nod politely, keep my book up a little bit higher so that they may see the cover and notice my intelligence
>the mom goes to the bathroom after a while
>immediately turn my attention to the girl
>she smiles at me and points to the book
>smile back, ask her what her favourite artistic movement of the 20th century is
>she says dada
>pleasantly surprised, tell her I'm quite fond of the Dadaists and have recently read Tristan Tzara's manifesto and considered it a luminous mix of satire and sincerity
>she laughs loudly
>feel taken aback, like's she's mocking me
>ask her what she thinks is so funny
>she just stares at me with a little smile
>i pretend to return to my reading as if nothing happened
>see her mom come back from the bathroom
>flee the coffeeshop in haste before she could tell her mom what a pleb I am

pic related, it's what she looked like, only she was prettier and less slutty.

>>4775780

>Be me
>23 year old Britfag visiting San Francisco
>see qt girl in my hostel reading Lolita
'oh shit I love Nabokov'
>we talk for hours
>discuss books, music etc, we're into tons of the same stuff and she gives me some good recommendations too
>we're flirting the whole time
>her big sister arrives
>watches us for a few minutes
>takes me aside and tells me that this chick is 17
>oh fuck that's illegal here
>both of them fondly nickname me Humbert for the rest of our short acquaintance

this really happened.

>>4781364
>oh fuck that's illegal here
fucking yanks insist on taking the fun out of dysfunctional society

>>4781364
3/10

>>4775239

>tfw I was considering dropping a similar line on a barista on Thursday
>"So how often does a cute barista like you get asked out to coffee?"

Glad I dodged that bullet. Thanks guys.

>>4781229
what is this from?

>>4781487
It's a new show called Reverse Image Search It You Fucking Retard, on FX.

>>4781491
bring it down bb

>>4779205
Does this place make money? I mean it seems awesome as fuck, but I just can't imagine. The used books must net them nearly nothing, so the income has to be from the wine, but how much are readers drinking while reading?

>>4780230
do stew yarf ski?

>>4780374
I actually have post-coitally told the gf she was my property. She said "what, no"then I got on top of her and pinned her down playfully and told her that yes, she was my property. She laughed and accepted it. It seems deep down women do like that shit, or at least the fantasy of it - being possessed

>>4781565
dew stew yorf skee

>>4780723
are you the person who posted that? was it on purpose

>>4773736
tomoko?

>>4781337
heh, pretty good.

>>4781575
I do! yor do too?

>>4775547
cover on your lap nigga
cover on the table nigga
cover on the bed nigga
cover on the floor nigga
hold book when closed with cover facing your body
never be accused of being pretentious
never get the urge to be pretentious

>>4781596
It's supposed to be similar in voice to DFW
it's a little
but it's hard to write in a similar voice in a short amount of time

>>4777869
Holy shit

>>4780160

it's pronounced fuccboi.

Couple of years ago
>Go to shitty coffee shop to do prepare for my epistemology presentation with a classmate
>Mate tells me what he wants and leaves to find a place
>I order the bullshit and give her the member card or whatever which gets me a discount, the card has my name on it
>my name is really rare
>the woman screams NO WAY
>i look at her, she is fucking ecstatic and elated, open mouth, starring at me
>has crazy fucking pink hair, looks like she got a haircut mid-stroke
>the pitch of her voices higher than any building ever built by man
>all of the personal just looks at her with tired eyes, probably thinking oh boy here we go again
>i finally ask what's wrong
>she says her first hamster had the same name as me
>i just alright could i have one coffee and iced tea or whatever the fuck i was getting for my classmate
> she says, with the same high pitch; Anon but it's really cold, I dont want you to get sick
>i dont know what the fuck is going on and just say its for my friend, i pay and leave

[cont]

>>4780160

it's pronounced Tolstoy

>>4781337
why wub woo, /wit/

>>4783411
>we wait, no one brings anything for half an hour so i come back to ask what's up
>she is nowhere to be seen, thank god
>suddenly, ANON IS THAT YOU? I COULD TELL BY YOUR BIG BIG HAIR! (My hair was long and messy at the time)
>where the fuck is her voice coming from
>she emerges from the counter, she was on the floor and stood up
>mfw
>I just ask her to please bring our stuff to us.

...

>Some time passes.
>Finally see her coming our way.
>Turns out she is like 5 feet tall.
>I thank her and wait for her to leave.
>She stands there for a couple of seconds and says "Should have brought that sweet cyan salmon"

>I just stare, confused.

>"Oh anon clearly you didn't watch the movie."

>she leaves, visibly irritated.


We finished our drinks, left and she was mad as we were leaving. I never came back to that place.

>>4773588
Damn nigga's like tupac.

>>4783499
>>4783411

for a two-part double-dubs green text story for the sake of reading which I put off dinner for half an hour, that was a shit story anon, a real shit story.

>>4780160

Dayk-hart

>>4783499
>not using the belt to show the child not to do that again
That is one of the reasons why your americlap society is on the downfall, you want to clap and cheer the child on when they have done wrong instead of using the belt to instil good virtues.

>>4775940
Also interested in a word for this phenomenon

>>4783499
Did you ever find out what the movie was?

>>4783560
I tried. No luck.

>>4775860

T'is a good book, too bad people will look at you like a spa for reading it tho.

This is news to me too btw

>>4777466

Mein Kamph

>>4781364
So... Did you fuck her?

>In school
>Guy asks me what I am reading
>Wolf of the calla
>What is it about
>About wolfs in calla
>mfw if I try to explain the trama the guy will get bored midway and go away
>mfw there is no way with people that asks that

>>4784051

>>4781265
creative

>>4781364
>be me
these redditors really make me mad

>>4784152
le newfriend face

>>4783499
what's your name? i wanna see that movie

>>4781570

dolt, get over your own fantasy before projecting all over 50% of the entire population

>>4777869

such an aesthetic lifestyle, you must be so outgoing and carefree and nothing at all like your average 4chaner

>>4783411
>>all of the personal just looks at her with tired eyes
>personal

>>4780047

>not wanting to be judged because of what you read
>presumptious and certainly pretentious

you're the kind of person we don't want to see what we're reading

I have no coffee shop stories.

I do most of my work while on my daily walk or at home after my daily walk.

Closest thing I have to a coffee shop story would be when I was jotting down ideas while waiting for some friends to show up. Some guy came over, and started asking me if I had anything published, if I blog and all that. After a bit, he gave me his business card, and left.

There is a cofre shop in my city that also doubles as an indie cinema. Also, there's a huge park nearby.
I use that shop as first date place and it works like a charm.

>Be in coffee shop reading Wittgenstein’s PI.
>Look across and see cute girl reading Calasso’s The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony.
>Am incredibly psyched and promise myself I will talk to her.
>Down my ¾ full coffee just so I can stand near her as I order another.
>Tell myself I am gathering conversational firepower and will speak to her right after finishing my new coffee.
>Down my coffee and become painfully anxious and jittery (I have a very low caffeine tolerance).
>Tell myself I need to go to bathroom.
>This will make me less nervous.
>Spend entire time in bathroom vigorously running different conversational paths.
>Tell myself social situations are never as bad as you expect beforehand.
>Gain slight confidence and remind myself this is my one and only chance.
>Forget my anxiety and am genuinely ready to approach her.
>Exit the bathroom and see her seat is empty.
>Panic and assume she’s left.
>Tell myself she’s probably in the bathroom.
>Wait 5, 10, and 20 minutes.
>Finally go home.
>Next day decide to go to coffee shop again without the intent of seeing her.
>Have resolved I will never see her again.
>See her exiting the shop as I approach it.
>Just go for it and walk up to her and go to tap her on the shoulder.
>Before I can she hears me behind her and turns around.
>Accidentally punch her in the boob as I was going for my shoulder touch.
>Barely able to spit out that “I’m sorry”.
>She apologizes and realizes the mutual accident.
>Prompts me to say what I was going to say.
>Ask her what the beetle in her head looks like and say I like the book she’s reading.
>She looks confused and asks me what the beetle thing meant.
>Tell her it’s from the book I’m reading, how it’s sorta about the philosophy of language.
>She says that’s cool.
>I say thanks and wish her a nice day and walk away.

>>4779894
>reading Heidegger in public
I'm pretty tolerant of noise and action going around me while I read, so I can understand people reading in public, but I can't believe that someone could be retaining any Heidegger that way.

>>4775832
topical!

>be me, 28, fry cook, probably forever alone
>starbucks
>use phone to list my favorite books on my OKCupid profile
>also idly perusing Agape, Agape that I just bought
>no one on OK Cupid responds to my profile
>no one in Starbucks notices how awesome I am for reading Gaddis
>finish my latte
>go home
>read Agape, Agape
>an hero

>>4775784
>>4781229

Is there something wrong with this? I read a lot on my phone using Google Play Books since it lets you upload epubs to the cloud. It makes reading pirated books easy.

90% of you faggots go to coffee shops hoping people see you reading just so you get attention. Fucking pathetic.

>>4773904
>not having an e-reader with a second screen on the back that displays the title of the book you are reading or the title of a better one

>>4783572
maybe "The Slammin' Salmon?"

>Go into local coffee shop.
>Find a comfy spot, bust out the composition book and the nook.
>reading some flash fiction, jotting down ideas they inspire.
>Girl walks up to me.
>Asks me what tablet it is, and if it can certain apps.
>answer her questions in a normal voice.
>She thanks me and goes back to her friends.
>Life continues as normal.

Such a stressful night guys!

>>4777777

>>4781234
Mein Kampf

>Be in school reading Narnia.
>Friend comes over and asks if I want to go to coffee with her.
>Leave and forget my book at the school.
>Figure 'oh well, she's cute'.
>Friend receives text while walking to shop.
>Tells me her boyfriend got off early from work and has to go meet him.
>Go to coffee shop alone.
>Get back to school to find my book gone.
>Realize I don't even like coffee and throw it in the trash.

>>4777506
How's that defeated slave mentality going, pleb?

I like to go to local coffee shops and laugh loudly at pewdiepie videos.

>>4775515
>A Confederacy of Dunces
Seriously

>>4781229
I keep thinking that's Jeremy Clarkson from the thumbnail.