/lit/ - Literature

last one.

>>4735132
2nd story: Kicks the chair over

3rd story: Walks out of class

3rd one seems lame to me, 1st one's a bit simple, 2nd one has a nice twist, I like.

1st is better with "because."

The first one has a nice unpretentious comedic ring to it.

>>4735132
The name of that bold student? Jacques Derrida.

A philosophy professor gives a final examination, pointing his arms towards the top right corner of the classroom and challenging his class with only the word "Check?" One student receives an A+ and an honorary award for responding with nothing more than "These dubs."

>>4735155
Aw hell naw!

>>4735155

>>4735155
well that happened

>>4735155

>>4735155
Pretty risky bet there.

>>4735155
>55

>>4735132
I heard the last one, like, 20 years ago, where a rumour was spread that a guy from another school actually did this.

>>4735155

>>4735199
Everyone heard that rumour. It's always "some guy from another school" even though an exam with only one question as vague as "What is courage?" is completely impossible (at least in the school system I went through).

Another story:
>A philosophy professor gives a final exam consisting entirely of a single question: "What is love?" One student answers "Baby don't hurt me?" and receives an 'A'.

>>4735155

>>4735155
>A philosophy professor gives a final examination, raising her fist into the air and challenging her class with only the word "Check?" One student responds with nothing more than "my privilege" and receives top marx.

>A philosophy professor gives a final exam consisting entirely of three questions: Who is Stewart Lee; What is Stewart Lee; Why is Stewart lee. The highest grade is awarded to a student who wrote "Eskimo face from the 90s", he was 28 years old.

>>4735155

>Professor says students can use on the test anything they can fit on one side of a piece of paper, so one student brings in his friend who has a PhD in the topic at hand to stand on the piece of paper and take the test for him and gets an A.

>>4735132
the second only is actually marginally plausible, thus the best story as you don't have to try to suspend disbelief if it's told properly

>>4735242
like anyone in a class like that could say as few as two words

they would ramble for an hour

>>4735132
>>For a final examination a philosophy instructor places a chair at the front of the room and challenges the class to prove it exists
>Breaking news: student assaulted professor with chair, professor hospitalized with severe head injuries. Student has been recorded yelling "implying being is subjective". Professor's allegedly gave him an A before lapsing into coma

>For a final exam a philosophy instructor places a student at the front of the room and challenge a blank sheet of paper to prove they exist
>The paper did absolutely nothing, and receives an 'A'

>A philosophy professor asked his students to write "God is dead" on a piece of paper
>One student didn't

>>4735155

All three stories made me want to kill myself a little more. It's hard to say which is the worst because I read them all almost at the same time.

>>4735225
I live in Belgium and a couple years ago my dad told me this joke, in Dutch, and he's from a shitty farmer village

>>4735447
West-Vlaanderen of Kempenland?

>>4735155

>A philosophy professor asks his students during a lecture to demonstrate "What is life?"

>The student with the highest mark goes outside, gets a stick, goes back inside, hits the professors desk with the stick, and then goes back to sit down

>>4735155

Has anyone ever had stuff happen like this IRL?

In highschool there was a debate about abortion, and a guy got an A after saying something like, "As a man, I don't have the right to talk about this subject because it's the woman's choice" or something stupid like that.

>>4735639

I remember a post where some anon wanted to abort his half of the child and the mother can choose what she wants to do with the other half. Brilliant

>>4735155

awwww shiieeeeeetttt

>>4735447
An ex-girlfriend told me this story very excitedly because a friend told her he was that kid in the story...

I heard another version of that story that I consider superior:

>A philosophy professor gives a final exam consisting entirely of a single word: "Why?" One student answers "Because" and receives an 'A'.

>>4735639

Have I ever been in the same room as an emasculated faggot? Unfortunately, yes, they are quite ubiquitous these days.

>>4735639

When we were doing our mocks in third year, there was a composition question on the first English paper (I think it went for 25% of your overall grade) that asked you to describe the biggest risk you ever took.

My friend just wrote 'this is it.' And received full marks haha.

>>4735316
this one, but he should have yelled ">implying being is subjective"

>For a final examination a philosophy instructor places a chair in front of the room and challenges the class to prove it exists. One student picks up the chair, breaks it over the instructor's head, and asks "Does your pain exist? Does the blood oozing from your wounds exist?" As the instructor lays on the floor moaning, the student kicks him in the face. "I had to take this course as part of the general education requirements of my STEM degree. You worthless faggots can bloviate about the nature of reality until the heat death of universe without reaching any conclusions, but the rest of us don't have the luxury of wasting our lives that way. If I don't get a passing grade in this joke of a course, I'm going to show you how this chair actually exists. Repeatedly and to your head."

>The student got an A and dozens of jobs offers. The instructor got published and dozens of stitches.

inb4 big guy for you

>>4735245
i fucking love Stewart Lee

>>4735155

>>4735155

>>4735891

>>4735155
Made my day. /lit/ best board if dubs again

>>4735155
>>4735933

>>4735933
oh wow...

>>4735933
The dubs have spoken.

>>4735933

I'm going to ask Moot to have the board skip every post number with dubs. I would prefer if everyone was killed who is in any way interested in dubs, but the web-based solution seems more practical.

>>4735944
They have indeed.

>>4735132

>implying

>>4735155

The best story is the one where the student ends up unemployed offing himself in an abandoned alley.

>>4735952
>"Moot"
>Actually posting this
>Being an enormous fucking queer

>>4735155
It's the little victories that count.

>>4735991

Why would I not post this? Among all the forms of cancer, dubs are most easily excised, as outlined by my post. Dubs are completely meaningless, devoid of content. We need a dubsectomy.

>>4735999

dem trips

>>4736015
>OH NO MY SUPER SERIOUS THREAD ABOUT SHITTY PHILOSOPHY JOKES, I'M GONNA WHINE AND PRETEND THE ADMIN GIVES A SHIT

Fuck off retard. You can't even spell moot. If you don't like 4chan don't come here.

>>4736024
There can't possibly have been more than three people posting in this thread for the past five hours

>>4736036
Yea, I like making wild, irrelevant assumptions about 4chan boards too. Like how you're probably some fat whiney piece of shit from reddit.

There are people who genuinely think that Philosophy exams ask questions like this. That said, one of the questions on a Philosophy of Language exam was "Is France Hexagonal?" although that was related to Austin's ordinary language stuff.

>>4736015
>Dubs are completely meaningless, devoid of content
They are the purest distillation of 4chan then

>>4735952
You sound like you'd be fun at parties.

>>4736041
It's eminently reasonable to assume boards have a stable body of posters who exist in time and I don't see how it's irrelevant. Degeneracy can be prevented by marking time.

>>4736024

I don't even give a fuck about this thread, I just hate dubs. If you don't like me complaining, don't come here. I come here to complain.

>>4736075
Being this edgy on the internet.
Go dig a hole m8

>>4736079
/lit/ is the place to be edgy, haven't you noticed?

>>4736058
I am amazing at parties

>>4736075
Yeah, well that doesn't check these dubs, does it?

>>4736091
>Replying to everyone

Just adopt a trip and get it over with you powermad retard.

>>4735155
THE RETURN!

If I get dubs I'm going to get helladrunk when I get home and surf 4chan all evening.

>>4735132
I heard the "courage" one was "risk". I prefer the latter.

>>4735639
Omega as fuck. Do you live in Sweden ?

>>4736101
Okay, If I get singles I'm going to get helladrunk when I get home and surf 4chan all evening.

>>4736095

maybe you are right. Maybe I'm the tripfag that /lit/ needs.

>>4735155
i want to die

>>4736117
You almost had trips, man.

>>4736117
what about
>dubs bane
?

>>4735639
>At my university there was also a debate about abortion, and I got an A after saying walking up to the professor and punching her in the stomach several times screaming repeatedely " There is no need for debate, there is no need for debate!" Then I turned around and got high-fived by all the males in the classroom. The campus guards arrested me at 17:05 and I was judged to served five months in county jail...

>>4736117


please do so i can filter you

>>4736109
nice!!

>>4736136
I posted as Vlad the Implyer a few times, a long time ago.

A friend of mine was in highschool when they discussed whether they'd like to live their lives over and over again and when some people said they wouldn't want that, my friend asked why they don't just kill themselves. He wasn't even trying to be edgy, but of course the teach got mad.

>>4736150
>>>/reddit/

>>4736150
>mfw I have created a "project space" to gather all greentexts found on 4chan and no one will ever use it.

By the way I remember vlad the implyer

>>4736162
>project space

How does it provide anything fuka warosu archive doesn't do already? I'm curious.

>>4735155
>>4735933
FUGGGGG

>>4735639

In high school, we had to debate in favour of homework. Our first speaker got up and announced his moral objection to the debate, and bowed out.

>>4735155
>>4735933
>>4735944
>>4735999
>>4736022

>>4736175
Well it would just be greentext, not all the other shit obviously.

>>4735814
>The student got an A and dozens of jobs offers. The instructor got published and dozens of stitches.
> Not over 300K starting salary

>>4735814
>mary sue level fanfiction on STEM degrees.
is this what we have come to?

>>4735242

>>4736411
Why not? We have Mary Sue level fan faction on something as useless as philosophy every day.

>A philosophy of language professor gives a final exam consisting entirely of a single question: "What does language refer to?" One student answers "Itself" and receives an 'A'.

>>4735639
It would've been funnier if he'd said "Look, ask somebody else. I'm [age] years old. I'm no longer at risk."

>>4735155

From these statements I infer that philosophy is now a measurement of your ability to be a snarcky little prick instead of your ability to think philosophically.

>>4736075
>>4736075
>>4737688
>If you don't like me getting dubs, don't come here. I come here to get dubs.

>>4735155
god damn

Second one, since you can actually imagine the other students trying to do the prompt, unlike one where there simply isn't another answer besides "Because" and isn't just an opinionated "write whatever you want" prompt like the third one.

>>4737677
When wasn't philosophy a measurement of your ability to be a snarky little prick?

>>4736364
holy fuck

>>4735155

If dubs I kill myself tonight

It's a slow board. It's EASY.

Go home >>>/b/

>>4735316
How do you know the thing he beat the professor with is a chair?

>A philosphy professor gets fired because the University clearly stated that the exam had to be a tleast 2 hours long

That's a good story

>>4735933
>>4735155

>>4737735

>Socrates and friends observe the duplicate numerals.jpg

>>4738141
Anyone know the low-down on Chapelle? I heard he went crazy and took a sojourn to Africa or something.

>>4738149
The problem with Chapelle is that too many people want to know about Chapelle.

>>4735132

Jesus christ. Philosophy is a joke.

>>4735132
>>4735132

In the last one the student doesn't 'define' courage though, nor could one say that he 'demonstrated' it either.

>>4739106
How did he not demonstrate it?

>>4739096
/These/ are jokes, yeah, they didn't actually happen. Don't think less of philosophy because of them. You can think badly of philosophy all you want, of course, but don't use these stories to support it.

>>4735369
this is easily the best

holy fuck i kekd so hard my butt cheeks rubbed together

>>4735376
nice
context for this: http://godsnotdeadthemovie.com/

>>4735155
What dubs?

>A philosophy professor asks his class "What is air?"

>The student that received an A responded with "I can't"

>>4739110
Not him but I think that courage means giving your best to a task, because failing something if you have given it your best is far more crushing that failing something if you just went against crazy odds and did something stupid/didn't try your best.

>>4735155

>>4735933

if dubs, I will write a poem for /lit/

>>4735155

>>4735933

are we being invaded?

Caring about dubs is the penultimate stop on the train to the garbage dump.

Daily, this board is more insignificant, less intelligent, and crowds more and more with an unthinking hoard of rubes who want to try their hand at pretending to have smarts. You can even see this transformation occur incrementally as time goes by.

>>4739364
>dubbism
>2014

/pol/ please go

>Wittgenstein is popularly credited with the idea that most philosophical controversies are due to confusions over language. I'm not sure how much credit to give him. I suspect a lot of people realized this, but reacted simply by not studying philosophy, rather than becoming philosophy professors.

>>4739365
>implying this board was good.
thinking highly of a board on the Internet.

>>4738149
He didn't like where Chapelle show was going and felt like it wasn't funny anymore. I think he started standup when he was 15 and never really bombed according to the comics I've heard talk about him. My guess is that he become depressed that he was putting out what he thought was shit and went to Africa to try and find some meaning in his life.

>in Existentialism
>talking about Heidegger
>professor going on about the "presuppositions" of the "mental concept theory" of how your fucking brain works
>draws an object on the board, an eye observing it and a mind containing a representation of the object
>all this is on top of a "world"
>asks the class to alter the diagram so that it fits Heidegger's idea of being-in-the-world
>kid walks to the board, fucking erases it and sits down
>professor: "yeah, I get what you did there..."

>>4739247
But thats like just your opnion man

>>4740637
That kid is awesome.

>A philosophy professor begins his final exam by positioning himself by the chalkboard and pointing to the upper-right corner. He says only one word - "check?" One student receives an A+ and an honorary doctorate for replying "these dubs"

>>4742811

>>4742811