/lit/ - Literature

>>463754
hah!

>>463754
Technically he's Algerian.

Old Man and the Sea: Elderly man fights off evil sharks trying to steal his meat.

>>463763
Algeria was part of France.

Sherlock Holmes: Someone tells Holmes a story and Holmes uses trivial details to recreate the entire crime and unrelated things.

I support this thread.

Slaughterhouse Five: Kurt Vonnegut's entire life was fucked by WWII.

The Name of the Wind: Hero tries to kill giant dragon by making it overdose on a medieval hybrid of crack and ecstasy.

>>463771
There are signs in front of clubs in paris right now that say "not algerians"

Moby Dick - The original entry in the Encyclopedia Britannica for Whaling.

Of Mice and Men: Retarded man assaults bunnies and women, then gets shot.

Crime and Punishment: Wannabe Nihilist kills old lady and feels remorse while obsessing about a prostitute.

1984 - Guy gets laid and brainwashed

>>463754
les pieds noirs sont batshit insane

>>463786
Moby Dick: Whale eats leg, Man tries to eat whale.

Metamorphosis: Man turns to bug, wants to fuck his kid sister, then dies.

>>463786
I like this.

Catcher in the Rye: Mopey teenager whines about being a teenager.

>>463791
>Crime and Punishment: Wannabe Nihilist kills old lady and feels remorse while obsessing about a prostitute.
C&P: a criminal is caught by another b-tard who had witnessed his trollings

>>463799
Moby Dick - America's first openly homosexual protagonist and his native lover go on a cruise around the world as their honeymoon.

As I Lay Dying: We bury our mom.

Death In the Afternoon: Oh fuck, bulls.

Great Gastby: I hang out with my rich neighbor.

Odyssey: woman chooses to renounce her inner whore.

>>463825
Greaty Gatsby: Obsessive stalker gets shot by angry misogynist.

Notes From the Underground - The world's first basement dweller discourses on the definition of neuroticism for 150 pages.

Madame Bovary - Bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks.

The Little Prince - Bitches don't know 'bout my zoophilia and herbophilia

Atlas Shrugged: Rich people are angry at poor people, then a really long boring speech.

>>463796
>les pieds noirs
The black feet? That makes even less sense than would be usual for an idiom.

Survivor: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

The Bible : God did it.

Invisible Monsters: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

Haunted: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

Beloved: Baby beheaded, comes back as succubus to get its fuck on.

Choke: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

Eragon - Star Wars.

Fight Club: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

Lullaby: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

>>463887
>Fight Club: two outrageous anti-heroes shawks u, then it turns out to be one outrageous anti-hero

Fix'd..

Twilight: Average mormon girl rebels to the point of dating a vampire who impregnates her with demon spawn.

Rant: outrageous anti-hero shawks u.

The Bluest Eye: Father rapes his daughter and she goes crazy.

Animal Farm: Poultry are dirty communists.

>>463894
>Twlight: Average mormon girl meets average mormon vampire.

Fix'd

The Picture of Dorian Gray: Victorian society gets even more gay.

Harry Potter - Powerful boy ignores old people in order to defeat evil because shit is so cash

Percy Jackson - Powerful boy ignores old people in order to defeat evil because shit is so cash

Life of Pi: OH FUCK THERE'S A TIGER ON THIS BOAT.

Ender: violent boy becomes inter species negotiator

Chronicles of Narnia: Jesus is a lion.

Blindness - My waifu is everybody's mom

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: Niggers good, education bad.

Finnegans Wake: bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk
!

>>463966
No
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: A boy begins to think for himself.

>>463979

>>463840
hey, thats only half of the book!

Salt - the world history of salt

more of OP. shes hot.

Dune: Humanity is addicted to a drug

Wuthering Heights - Boy meets girl, boy falls madly in love, girl rejects him in favor of money, boy gets pissed, marries her sister for revenge, both have children, boy obtains ownership of estate and runs it to the ground, girl dies, haunts boy for the rest of his life, boy tortures children, and everyone is unhappy.

A Game of Thrones - High society members hate each other and winter is coming.

Invisible Monsters - People have plastic Surgery and rob homes

>>464026
That was 1,000,000x better than actually reading the book.

Child of God: Man kills woman then fuck the corpse

House of Leaves: A man may or may not be lying or going crazy, and ftairs are involved.

The Illuminatus! Trilogy: The end result of two guys going on psychedelics together with a pen.

The Dark Tower - Clint Eastwood follows some guy forever.

Brave New World: Humanity is addicted to a drug

Lord of the Rings: Midgets must destroy jewelry to kill giant eye, along with a bunch of homoerotic innuendo.

120 days of Sodom: raep lol

Blood Meridian - Americans slaughter Indians and Mexicans and one of the gang is Devil.

Waiting for Godot: waiting for Godot

Silk: Frenchman wanna fuck a Japanese whore.

>>464088
More like:

Rich people kidnap kids, sodomize the kids, then sodomize the servants, then sodomize the kids, then sodomize the family members, then sodomize the kids some more, and finally kill everyone except for the daughter that really enjoyed being sodomized by his rich father and his friends.

>>464080
>Lord of the Rings: Midgets walk

Fix'd

Hamlet: Everybody dies

>>464102
And Sade basically gets bored of the details half way through, and the book degenerates into a simple list of all the ways women, children, and animals can be sodomized and tortured.

And Then There Were None: murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, not a real murder, murder, murder, murder, suicide.

>>464114
WEAK. Especially as Horatio, among others, survives.

Tales of Ordinary Madness: drunk lol

>>464124
And lets not forget Fortinbras

My Dog Stupid: A writer falls in love with a dog and wants to leave his family to get the fuck back to Italy.

>>463983
Begins to think for himself, but then gives it up. Then tries again and really almost seems to gain some true insight..... then goes nah fuckit and goes back to being an ignorant hobo.

>>464124
that's just because horatio's a BAMF.

Justine (Sade): Shit happens.

>>464137
Well, of course. He only comes in at the last scene anyhow. And he's too cool to die.

The Bell Jar: Sylvia Plath's alter-ego attempts suicide then gets rehabilitated.

The Sound and The Fury: a 33 year-old retard loves his sister, a 19 year-old wants to protect his sister from herself, and a 34 year-old hates his sister because "once a bitch, always a bitch what I say."

The Count of Monte Cristo:
Guy gets imprisoned because of a jealous fucktard, breaks out of jail and fucks shit up along the Mediterranean.

Brideshead Revisited: Army officer visits a house

>>463915
Ender's Game: Boy is trolled into destroying alien race.

Jane Eyre - A woman has a crush on her employer, who is married.

wind-up bird chronicle:
guy hangs out at home until his wife leaves him, then he decides he'd rather hang out in a well.

>>464219
Everything else by Orson Scott Card: Someone who loved Ender's Game is trolled into reading about Mormonism.

>>464230
Is he really that bad?

The Jungle: Life fucking sucks as a hard-working and honest immigrant, but it's AWESOME when you're corrupt.

>>464246
>>464246

Yes. He also judges a Sci-Fi writers contest founded by L. Ron Hubbard and funded by the Church of Scientology.

Ender's Game: naked 8 year old homosexual becomes global exterminator.

Their eyes were watching God: nigger speaks incomprehensivly.

>>464246
Yes. He's a general asshat who's also a racist prick, but good god the Ender books are AMAZING (besides Children of the Mind. That book never happened. Ok? And maybe the ending of Xenocide.), and the Ender's Shadow series is good, but everything else he writes is just.. evil.

>>464286
I REALLY LIKED THE HOMECOMING SERIES
ESPECIALLY THE PART WHEN JOSEPH SMITH REVEALED THE BOOK OF MORMON TO UTAH

>>464210
The Count of Monte Cristo:
BADASSNESS IS BADASS

>>464287
I can't tell if that was sarcasm or just a terrible, terrible troll.

>>464292
is there a difference?
I was just joking, if that changes anything.

>>464292
That was probably sarcasm.

>>464286
>>464230
Ive read every Ender book, and the homecomming books, and never picked up on his mormon stuff. excpet mabey the whole 'gays are caused by a blood malfunction during birth' thing.

as a person, he is a dick.

I love his writting, however. the only part i thought was stupid was when ender split into peter and valentine. wtf man

The Road: walking, freezing, hiding, freezing, finding, freezing, walking, freezing, being eaten by other people, freezing

>>464298
It makes sense with the whole "hurr durr, outside the universe, souls exist" thing. Just like how hive queens are made, or how Ela created the recolada virus. He always carried those images in his head.

I really hope I didn't fuck up those spoiler tags.

>>464311
yeah, but i allways figured ender was stronger than that. not such a bitch. i suppose we could blame that phillipino whore...

also, who else thinks that if the series continues that bean may show up as the guy who created the smart virus in the fisrt place or something along those lines?

I want to fuck the girl in OP's pic. How has no one commented on that yet? She's a cute girl, fuck you all.

>>464322
because books>women

>>464316
I don't think he'll ever pick up the series again. And the virus was proven to come from a different planet.
The fact that Bean created the idea of Jane was a delicious morsel for me. I think that he never stopped at a planet, though, just kept going farther out into space until he and his kids died.

>>464286
Hmm, Ive only read Ender and Shadow series' and I thought he was pretty even handed in his treatment of different races and beliefs in those series.
Perhaps his other books are a lot worse.

>>464333
they arnt, people are just haters.
>>464331
he recently wrote another ender book, and ha stated on a few occasions he plans on adding to the series more about razkam (or whatever that guys name is who originally trained Ender/killed the fisrt queen) and about Bean. He has made mention that 'they see each other again'

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Two cousins meet and start a comic that is super successful.

The Homecomming Series:
The Bible: IN SPACE!

>>464345
Hmm, I guess Mazer must leave for the colonies after the events of the Shadow Saga.

Monster Blood Tattoo:
Boy IS the monster

>>464364
no, i think it was more of him wanting to do a prelude invvolving him and Graph.

also, apparently, Will SMith wants to be in the movie as Mazer

The Brothers Karamazov: Parricide, shame, and the meaning of life.

>>464322
verily

>>463912

Notes From Underground: Introverted pessimist talks to himself, then talks down to some whore, then feels bad about it.

calvino - invisible cities
dude gets stoned with king, tells him a bunch of bullshit

moby dick
You guys, whaling is really interesting, honest!

Crime and Punishment: Columbo in Russia

Gravity's Rainbow - Rockets give me boners.

animal farm was about a bunch of animals who didn't like how they were treated.

Life of Pi - It's all about belief and faith

The Name of the Rose - Laughter kills

doing it right: humorously misrepresenting the tone and nature of the book whilst technically relating what happens in it
doing it wrong: just quickly summarising it

The Fountainhead - Howard Roarke doesn't give a fuck.

>>464223
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
Hanging out in wells induces the channeling of World War II torture victims and provokes sexualized secondary school dropouts to work in wig factories.

Don Quixote
If you do not exercise a level of curtness and discretion in dealing with the mentally ill they will make you do all kinds of stupid shit for them.

Catch-22
The security of your military airport may be compromised if you do not exercise judicious interest in the local stocks of Egyptian cotton.

>>463879
awesome!

Lord of the Flies: Prepubescent boys kill fat nerd.

The Caslte - Surveyor gets bored and fucks a barmaid, becomes janitor.

>>463894
the pregnancy doesn't occur till breaking dawn

>>465761
Splitting hairs, aren't we.

>>465761
Idiots that hate it never bother to read them, they just repeat things they hear no matter how innacurate they are.

Things Fall Apart - Shit happens

Things Fall Apart - Niggers

>>465754
I remember this one. Big fan. More of a summary than an erroneous leap towards an untrue conclusion though.

>>465781
is dat sum remarkably faithful (and thus incredibly frustrating) haneke adaptation?

Crime & Punishment: cool story bro

>>465811

>>465811
fanboy detected

>>465818
not really!
those are the facts of the matter; i still have issues with the man
he's like bresson without the good stuff, just lots of misery

The Grapes of Wrath: Money kills, breast milk saves.

Breast milk, you've made my daaaay.

Dracula - Foreigner buys English property, fucks English women.

>>465845
WHO THE FUCK IS BRESSON

1984: who controls the language, control the ideas, who controls the ideas controls the mankind

>>465879
the filmmaker whose style haneke most obviously imitates
only whilst bresson was deeply religious and there's a point to his ascetic, serious, unmelodramatic movies, haneke has only cynicism and misery to offer

>>465896
I hope you're trying to imply that Haneke IS melodramatic....

I've never seen Bresson, I'll have to make a note to. It's really frustrating to enjoy Haneke's work because his approach to film pretty much demands all of his fans to preface their discussions with some kind of divergant explanation from why they still like his films without actually getting to enjoy the the film in and of itself.

The Castle was the exception to this for me because he still got to expose tons of selfishness and open-endedness that he's always seeming to pop a boner over, but was still a thoroughly enjoyable film.

>>465906
no, i'm not saying that haneke is. he has all those things in common with bresson, i'm just saying that i much prefer what bresson is trying to say with them.
i'd recommend a man escaped and au hasard balthazur to start with, although my favourites are the devil, probably and the trial of joan of arc
i've loved every one i've seen though

Perelandra: Gentleman goes to Venus and kills Satan
Lord of the Flies: Kids kill each other
White Fang: fighting dog becomes hero and gets laid
Don Quixote: Lecherous lunatic and avaricious retard commit crimes across Spain
The Screwtape Letters: Demon turns into a centipede

>>464137

Indeed, let's not.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd: First-person narrator tells the truth about his activities at the time of a murder..

Midget hooks up with a bunch of friends to go camping and throws away a piece of jewelry.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd: First-person narrator tells us the truth about his activities at the time of a murder.

La Philosophie dans le Boudoir: A father has three of his friends teach his daughter about morality and politics.

Finnegan's Wake-Dude dies and keeps on living written in a dreamlike and funnily enigmatic state; which gives a hilarious middlefinger to critics.

>>466053

>A father has three of his friends teach his daughter...

pic related

>>463766
>>463786
>>463794
>>463799
>>463807
>>463872
>>463979
>>464067
>>464071
>>464114
>>464210
>>464249
>>464306
>>465774
>>465873
Epic Laughter Guaranteed!!! Genius!!!

>>466053
one of the few that actually understood OPs premise. And its hilarious.

The rest is just one line summing up the book.

The Count of Monte Cristo:

A slip of paper results in the poisoning deaths of a high-profile French family.

the woman in the OP is you? damn your hot :D and if you're not please what's her name XD

>>466474
>is you
>:D
>XD

A man leaves the military. - Catch 22

>>463752
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Stranger in a Strange Land:
Martian starts new religion on Earth


Also - Girl in OP's picture is rather pretty. Startlingly so.

A Song of Ice and Fire - The War for Cersei's Cunt

>>466501
Aww yeah...

the cherry orchard - lazy russians get their house repo'd

>>464070

illuminatus: undead zombie nazis, the mob, a british secret agent, john dillinger and several hindu deities chase after a couple of american journalists and an entrepreneur who live on a yellow submarine and are on speaking terms with dolphins, until they all realise that they are just characters in a book.

>>466091

Why, thank you, anon. In similar vein:

Eugenie de Franval: A father goes to extraordinary lengths to express his love for his child.

120 of Sodom: A group of friends gathers in a remote castle to talk about and enjoy their common interests.

The Idiot: genderswapped mother teresa gets cockblocked

The Iliad:

A hissy-fit delays the inevitable.

>>466091

Why, thank you, anon. In similar vein:

Eugenie de Franval: A father goes to extraordinary lengths to show his love for his child.

120 Days of Sodom: A group of friends gathers at a remote castle to talk about and enjoy their common area of expertise.

Waiting for Godot: The tale of two men and the open road, and of the travellers they meet.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - A famous reporter covers a motorbike race in the desert.

Juliette: A coming of age story about a young girl.

>>463883
> Eragon: Star Wars in Middle-Earth

fix'd

The Long Walk: Emo kids get exercise
The Running man: Emo man gets exercise

Jurassic Park - A child-fearing bachelor learns to become a responsible role-model.

Hunchback of Notre Dame: Physically disabled man overcomes his obstacles and spends the rest of his life embracing the woman he loves.

wat

A Clockwork Orange - A self-employed youth comes to terms with his growing disenchantment at the music he used to love.

Romeo and Juliet: Teenage girl kills self over boyfriend she meets the week earlier.

American Psycho - A successful businessman ponders his growing inability to maintain lasting relationships.

King Lear - two thirds of women are evil.

V - Huh?
Gravity's Rainbow - Huh?

Hamlet - A young Danish girl kills herself when the man she loves leaves moves to England.

Battle Royale: IRL FPS complete with hacking, camping, and angry teenagers

Jealousy - a man watches another man squash a bug on the wall.

V.--The Situation is a subjective reality created by many and appears, to the single viewer, as a 4th dimensional diagram to an eye accustomed to seeing in only 3 dimensions.

The Trial--Bureaucracy is absurd, often sinister and chaotic but only because it's an extension of human nature.

Any story by Borges--Essay like format contemplating how crazy it would be to divide by zero.

Anything by Richard Dawkins--Science is interesting and if you don't agree you can fuck off.

Naked Lunch--Fucking kids and describing their ejaculations as they hang pretty much sums up capital punishment.

The Metamorphosis--Gregor isn't the monster.

The Iluminatus! Triology--Question everything.

House of Leaves--The house is like the universe: unknowable, seemingly infinite, and frightening.

A Confederacy of Dunces--Grow up.

The Origin of Species--You're a fuckin' monkey, get over it. The Bible--NUH UH!

>>466597
urdoingitwrong.jpg

Unbearable Lightness of Being. - Everybody dies and it's the only happyend that Kundera ever wrote.

>>464088
lol at raep? ha, i'm sure that's what de sadde had in mind XD

iF YOU READ FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON BACKWARDS IS THE SAME STORY

Carmilla - Lesbian Vampires
Dracula- Carmilla's a dude

Lolita - Stepfather and stepdaughter bond on a road trip.

Pale Fire - Crazy guy hangs out with his neighbor.

The Great Gatsby - Guy hangs out with his crazy neighbor.

The Odyssey - Guy makes up elaborate story to convince wife he wasn't off sleeping around; in doing so the names of some of his mistresses - Circe, the Sirens - and some of his activities - rope bondage - slip out.

paradise lost- A man gets kicked out of his fathers place and decides to find a new one

>>466575
ha, fucking win...

100 Years of Solitude

Every generation ends up being the same, while the town gets fucked up.

A Scanner Darkly- two thirds of dope fiends can't be trusted

>>466630
>iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg

Naked Lunch: a schizophrenic heroin addict tells you about his gay/pedo/alien encounters.

The Brothers Karamazov-
Events occur around the final days of a patriarch.

Dante's Inferno - A women puts Dante through hell

Franz Kafka, The Castle:
They won't let him into the castle.

>>466663
schizophrenic heroin lunch: you pedo/ naked gay/ alien addict encounters. his tells about a

>>466685

This.

>>466672
Dante's Inferno - no matter how hellish a place you're in is, a poet was there first.

>>466672
Dante's Inferno - no matter how hellish a place you're in may be, a poet was there first.

Doppler - He's like Africa, but with a huge penis

Frankenstein/Goblins webcomic - I'M SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

Vernon God Little - Journalists are bastards

The Shining: Recovering alcoholic redeems himself through the love of his son.

Heart of Darkness - Some people get seasick.

>>463754
FFS that girl is beautiful

Dune - Guy does space dust, sees the future, topples an empire.

Madness and Civilization by Michel Focault
Western Society necessitates and justifies involuntary confinement.

On The Road: Feels good man

Glamorama - A young model tries his best to save his friends from certain death, but he fails by being too much of an airhead.

>>466568

Wow. Someone has never read Jurassic Park.
protip: movie != book

>>464358
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Spoiler guy writes (and lives) a spoiler book, but nobody reads it because of the ants

Consolation of Philosophy: imprisoned man dreams up chick to masturbate to, turns out she is a killjoy intellectual.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: Aspie hacker sews and plays golf.

any Myst novel: "Where the fuck is that god damned linking book!?"

Atomised: A philanthropic teacher indulges in the fine arts while his scientist brother cures the worst disease known to man

>>463754
Netherland. Man passes marital separation from total bitch playing cricket in NY.

>>466767
yeah i read it about 15 years ago though. I was trying to remember which way round it was because I know they switched it, so it must have been the laura dern chick who was the child hater in the book then?

>>466628
Of all the fails, this is the worst fail.
You're forgetting the "technically true" part of the OP.

>>466779
lol
>>466767
he mad

>>464363
Mel Brooks- Jews in Space!!!

Beowulf: Drink and drink and drink and drink and fight.

>>466830
Netherland
An absent-minded, angry Dutch man who has trouble communicating his feelings aids and abets a numbers runner in the culturally vibrant wake of September 11th.

The Road: In the future, there will only be one can of Coca-Cola left in the world.

>>466886
There was more Coke in the underground bunker. Way to reading comprehension

Quran- I like to kill women and children, pedophilia, and hating Jews, but you guys shouldn't do that stuff. Spoiler: They do.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

A police officer wants a pet goat.

Gift of the Magi: People are fucking retarded.
Oedipus: Wincest will make you a powerful king.
Any Agatha Christie book: And then a skeleton pops out.
Any Ayn Rand Book: Fuck people, get money.

The Wheel of Time series: politics words words words miscommunication misandry misogyny words words words fighting.

Or if you prefer proper sentence structure.

800 pages of filler and sub sub plot threads, followed by 200 pages of gary stu action.

>>466889
Way to take a joke thread seriously

Don Quixote-
When people try to follow their dreams, their family will always destroy them.

>>463861
>a really long boring speech

OH MY GOD. THAT FUCKING SPEECH WAS LONGER THAN ANY OF THE FUCKING TRAINS IN THE NOVEL COULD HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN. JESUS CHRIST. I read about half of the entire fucking thing, then I was just like 'okay, I fucking get it now,' and skipped to the end of it and proceeded from there.

>>466910
If this was a joke thread why was your post unfunny?

The Sirens Of Titan-
We are a just pawns of the stupidest race in the universe.

wizard of earthsea - a peasant boy learns a new language

Of Mice and Men: A man kills his friend for wanting to own a rabbit farm.

Cereus Blooms at Night - A nurse enjoys his conversation with an elderly patient at the home he works at.

archive this shit

Neuromancer - a broken supercomputer calls out the IT department to get itself fixed

>you consider yourself a writer
>you believe your summaries and reviews occasionally outdo some of the the novels you lampoon

Galapogos-
Bestiality helps save the human race.

The Metamorphosis- a german wakes up and goes about his day

Solaris - A man goes on a business trip, and begins to suspect that his wife is not all there.

The Godfather-
Everyone earns that organized crime is good.

The Island of Dr. Moreau - A homosexual gets driven from England and commits suicide on a tropical island.

>>466989
>brofist.jpg

>>466989
Solaris
Mankind, finally discovering alien life that far outstrips their own in power and comprehension, decides simply to ignore it.

>>467016
derp

Frankenstein - an Arctic explorer makes a friend

Lord of the Flies-
boys go to summer camp.

The Dreams in the Witch House
A man gets a bad sunburn while vacationing somewhere he does not particularly enjoy.

The Homecoming
Teddy's wife is a big hit with his family.

>>466974
...That wasn't bestiality, just a real hairy human.
If that's your definition of bestiality, then you must be a product of a bestial relationship.

>>467045
or italian

>>467045
fine-
A mutated asian has sex to save the world.

>>467041
oh man... i LOVE this one...

>>466575
Hahaha, that's great

Catch 22: - A bombardier flies more and more bombing missions to serve his country

The Magus
Man embarks on an unorthodox relationship counseling retreat.

Cat's Cradle-
Midget never finishes writing his book.

Never Let Me Go: Drama, drama, some more drama, and then everyone's organs are harvested.

Twilight - Teen girl is sucker for the occult

The Wasp Factory - Teen girl is sucker for the occult

Slaughterhouse Five - Aliens force a man to relive the death of his loved ones over and over again.

>>467111

maybe true but still, talk about giving it away

Confederacy of Dunces: fat opinionated guy utterly fails to learn any life lessons or interact with people successfully, but tries to interact anyways

Drawing of the Three: A crippled black woman attempts suicide and has vivid hallucinations about lobsters as she lay dying.

just how many people are doing this completely wrong is making me rage so much

slaughterhouse 5 - war sucks

120 Days of Sodom - /b/ in a book.

The Anabasis
Men decide to walk home.

I am aware that no-one will know what I'm on about, but:

Matthew Stokoe's Cows: Working in an abattoir is fucking bloody hard work

Prince of the Blood - prince second in line thinks the crown prince has died; is bummed when he discovers he hasn't.

Tender is the Night- you mad?

1984 - Love overcomes sibling rivalry

The Elenium: The Belgariad.

GOD I LOVE GIRLS WITH BIG BUTTONS! THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE BIG SECRETS!

The da Vinci Code: Saint John was a tranny; hijinks ensue.

Great Expectations - Kid gets friendzoned hard by a bitch, who eventually becomes a decent person through the application of frequent beatings.

Rime of the Ancient Mariner - Gambling saves a sailor's life.

[anything by H. P. Lovecraft] - A young, white, upper-middle-class man from New England seeks knowledge and succeeds beyond all expectations.

Magician: Leveling a mage up to level 20 in WoW.

the monk- wincest

Orson Scott Card's Homecoming series:

Starts as Sentient computer trolling religious fucks in to believing in it. Protagonists to smart for him though.
Ends with "Real God is Real, hurr durr" Don't bother reading more than book 1.

Magic- Ventriloquist heads to cabin to perfect his technique.

Rebecca - A young woman moves into her new home and the maid organises two housewarmings for her.

Pride and Prejudice - A woman meets a bitter man who she dislikes, but decides to marry him after she sees his very large house.

The Bible: Omnipotent landscape artist suffers ennui and anger at his work, eventually losing interest altogether.

Twilight: Angsty teenage girl falls in love with a vampire and struggles through over 9000 books before she realizes.

VALIS - Philip K. Dick trips.

>>467221
This. I read about half of it until I gave up and I still couldn't give you even the slightest idea of what it was about, other than weird.

A Game of Thrones: In Soviet Seven Kingdoms, chess plays you!

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame-
Gypsies ruin a deacon's faith.

>>467230
More like; The Stark family travels to the city for Papa Starks new job.

Manifold: Space
The universe fucking hates us.

A Dance with Dragons: A young queen in exile prepares for- Oh look, NFL's on!

Ulysses- Two dirty men walk around Dublin; one gets fisted and kisses his wife's butt before she starts a very long run-on sentence.

A Tale of Two Cities:

Pussy lets lookalike go to the gallows so that said pussy can get some (pussy)

Childhood's End-
Demons convince people that they need to die.

The Odyssey:
Worst. Road trip. Ever.

>>467266
I beleive you have used 3 fragmented sentences in place of >one sentence
for your book synopses.

V for Vendetta: A disfigured and mentally unstable man tortures a girl, kills a priest and attempts to destroy national landmark.

>>467278

>>467243
Or alternatively, Knights of the round table with a few underage b& sex scenes.

The Odyssey: A man sails home from a war by many ways.

The Aeneid: Refugees from the same war seek asylum but find European and North African immigration policies a little difficult to negotiate.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell: Magician's try to stop an elf who's gay for the niggercock. Lord Byron fucks bitches.

Genesis (1st book of bible)- JEWS IN SPACE!!!

fight club - man goes to insane lengths to get a girlfriend.