/lit/ - Literature

>>4550933
I made it halfway through the second sentence and then I was bored to death.

>>4550957
Good job OP you're a murderer now.

>>4550933
>Her parents had been killed in a car crash just a few months after she was born

It's best to deliver that sort of information as quickly as possible and with as little emotion.

>>4550933
>She was left with the legacy of a deep scar running from the corner of her left eye down to her chin.

>It wasn't a disfiguring scar, but nevertheless it wasn't pretty.

>enormous scar takes up half her face
>non-disfiguring

>>4551142
Maybe the scar is very good at framing her features and in the right light is flattering?

>>4551142
>>4551161
Maybe, in spite of its depth, it has healed well and is barely noticeable? Or perhaps the writer is a hack. Probably that one.

>>4550933
>Most of the other girls at the orphanage were only interested in discussing their love lives.

How old are these orphans?

Who are they dating?

>a rather frustrated fifty year old bachelor
>he was sweating profusely
>How dare the trollop taunt him so with her provocative clothing and actions?

>/r9k/ writes a book

Holy fuck. Jumping to that rape scene out of nowhere.

>using the word "nice" ever

>tfw self published
>tfw probably just as bad acccording to /lit/

>>4551189
Post an excerpt, let us judge.

>>4550994
dead parents
>>4551142
scar
>>4551177
orphanage
>>4551186
rape

Do you feel that? As if millions of readers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

>mfw imagining this guy's mom reading this shit

I would be legitimately scared.

>>4551194
“Eventyr was always a kind and gentle place, always protected from harm. Nobody would have ex-pected it all to disappear so quickly and abruptly. But before, it was always a nice place, one where you could wander the flowing meadows of Elaern, ex-plore the lush thick forests of Ash-t-thir, sail the seas and the coastal cliffs of Ona’strav, even explore the swamps of Yalft with no harm or danger ever coming to those that entered with peaceful intent. All was well.”
“Hidden within the Jalat’n mountains was the one thing that made it possible for this land of peace to even exist, within the walls of the most secure city ever created in that land. Ost’irn, the City of Ancestors, was by far the most technologically and magically advanced city throughout the elf lands. Its wizards, its people, its creatures, even the very materials that constructed the city had a sort of magic to them that was only explainable by one thing, the very thing that protected the entire land from any harm.”
“The Tree of Wards was the only thing between chaos and eternal peace in the realm of Eventyr and only those trusted enough had access to the chamber it was kept in.”
“It is past the years that the Tree of Wards exist-ed, as you well know. Come; let me tell you the story of how we came to be in this wretched land and who caused all our current grief.”

>>4551240
geography lessons, never good for a compelling read.

>>4551251
It's just a list of places, they come up later. It's more of a primer than anything. Heck, most of the chapter intros are written kinda like this, little tidbits of info that come up later.

Apologies if you don't like it.

>>4551240
Sounds like very generic fantasy to me. I don't like the way the third sentence repeats the first (that it was a "nice place", also I hate the word "nice" in description), nor that your second sentence is a quite blatant "Suddenly, suspense appeared". Also, minor thing, and it may be brushed off as "a matter of style", but I dislike your hyphenating words like "expected" and "explore".

>>4551266
Hyphenation is the fault of Word not liking copy-pasting with hyphenation enabled. I tried to take out the obvious ones, but I guess I missed those. Sorry, don't know why that happens.

It's supposed to sound like generic fantasy at this point, but it gets better, at least I'd hope to think so.

>>4551264
Think of it this way.

When you pick up a copy of Catcher in the Rye, it doesn't start with Salinger explaining the layout of New York City, where central park is and where the Empire State building is, and how the city is located on the east coast of the united states next to the sprawling Atlantic ocean where the whales have gone extinct but the oysters are still bountiful.

>>4551299
Show, don't tell. I know, I know. This is my first book though, so it isn't as good as I'd hoped it to be.

There's really nothing wrong with self-publishing in itself. Book publishers are not much better than vidya publishers or Hollywood studios at selecting good books (as opposed to profitable ones)...sure it's used by a lot of incompetent idiots, but there's no reason to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Pic related, the best American novel in decades was self-published.

>>4551195
>Comic Sans

>>4551438
Comic Sans is a great font, especially for an entire novel.

>she was obviously not wearing a bra.

>Rage flared up inside him.

>Her legs were spread-eagled, giving him a full view of her purple floral knickers, and his rage flared up once again -- despite the beating he had given her, she was still mocking him.

>...widening her legs as he did so to view her unspoilt maidenhood.

that escalated quickly.

>>4550933
>completed the severing of her membrane of innocence

>>4550933
>The bruises on the girl's face and head were indistinguishable from any of the other marks on the couple following the electrical strike.

>find a 15 year old girl in the woods
>how'd she get deflowered and a black eye?
>well clearly the lightning did that.

when will people realize that tragic things happening on the character's birthday does not make it more tragic?

>>4550933
>My health teacher always told us to use a rubber when raping young women the the forest
Now I know why, thank you OP

reminder that swanns way was self published

>>4550933
>baby David Rathman Burnett was placed in his cot.

YOU NAMED THE RAPE BABY AFTER THE RAPIST?!

>starting your story with the main character being born

This is even worse than starting it with the main character waking up. What could possibly be so important about the main character shooting out of his mom's snatch that would warrant it being the very first thing in the novel?

>>4551177
That's exactly what I was wondering about

>>4552133
It's not really shooting: more like oozing/ slipping.

>>4550933
>"she became ever bitterer"

>>4552133
>tfw your friend tries to give you advice about how to begin your novel
>she's too violent right now, why don't you ease us into it?
>like what?
>why don't you have her just waking up?

I like to think I ultimately made a good scene out of it, and it does read better than my original opening. But of all the things to suggest, he HAD to pick that one.

>>4552158
I guess "main character shitting out of his mom's snatch" would be funnier.

>>4552218
I'm suddenly, horrifically fixated on the similarities between giving birth and shitting. All the older women I've talked to have said the muscle flexing is similar, and I think it's even the exact same muscles because most women poop a little when they give birth.

We're all shit, /lit/. We're unique, special shit, but we're shit, and we're shat out.

>>4552133
What about the story of the birth of Buddha/Christ/Hercules?

>>4552260
Those were needed.
Can you imagine having these gigantic infodump of how any of them were born interrupting their adventures or whatever?

>>4552239
Not the same muscles: it's just that the muscles are so rarely used in that way, and located so closely to the rectum that the pushing feels similar in some ways.
And yet very fucking different as well. Goddamn.

>>4552375
You think it gets easier for those breeders that push out 10, 15 kids?

>>4550933
>Storm's Creation

>>4552395
Mostly yes. But sometimes the muscles get too thick and cause other problems.

>rapist killed by a bolt of lightning mid-ejaculation

I really hope the rape baby has some sort of sexual superpower, like he can shoot lightning from his urethra or detect rapists by their electro-magnetic fields.

>>4555115
>rapist killed by a bolt of lightning mid-ejaculation
>implying this isn't the best premise for a story ever

>>4550994
>implying it wasn't done deliberately to express the absurdity and random tragedy of our world

>>4555139
that's how Wonder Woman was conceived, wasn't it?

>>4550933
>self-publelshing