/lit/ - Literature

Look, I'm not trying to be cruel, but you really should consider a dictionary if you're not sure what a word means. There's no shame in it.
>reminiscing
>epitome
>repelling
>dwell at parties

>>4454166
Lol'd They're used correctly

>>4454147
why would you write a story about something everyone else has already written a story about

stopped reading after the first sentence

>>4454190
What'd you mean ?

I'm writing it to make my writing better

>>4454196
part of writing well is not just repeating the same shit everyone else is doing. you need to put a conscious effort into being original. when you get a cliche idea you need to look harder for a better one.

also, is english your second language? just asking because spaces before punctuation seem to be a non-native speaker thing and i don't get why.

>Going through academics he was intellectually above his classes and rode through School like a knight upon his marvelous steed.

you should be beaten to death like a clubber on a baby seal for similes like this

>>4454205
boy am i glad i didn't read any farther

>>4454180
Uh, no, they're not. Is English not your first language?
>like alleyways reminiscing his life.
This is either a misuse of reminiscing, or a syntactic/grammatical error. Alleyways are reminiscing?
He's reminiscing? Still misused, he's either reminiscing ON his life, or he's reminiscing, period.

>Embrace [life] whether it being over or just reaching its epitome.
Life's epitome? Do you just not know what the word epitome means? It's bizarrely used here.
1. a person or thing that is typical of or possesses to a high degree the features of a whole class: He is the epitome of goodness.
2. a condensed account, especially of a literary work; abstract.

He's talking about life and saying its epitome. How does that make any sense?

>close by stone Mitchell smashed the stores repelling glass windows
>repel
to drive or force back (an assailant, invader, etc.).
2.
to thrust back or away.
3.
to resist effectively (an attack, onslaught, etc.).
4.
to keep off or out; fail to mix with: Water and oil repel each other.
5.
to resist the absorption or passage of (water or other liquid)

How is the smashing glass repelling the store windows? The store windows ARE glass.

>dwell at parties
I don't even need the dictionary here, dwell means to inhabit for a period of time, also synonymously used with to brood. It makes no sense in this context.

>>4454211
rekd

>>4454211
>>4454208

>>4454200
I don't get where you've seen it repeated

I was going to do one about a neet who goes to a night club for the first time

>>4454211
>>4454216

You're reading this terribly wrong

>>4454216
I'm curious, what is life's epitome?

>>4454221
Maybe if you had the mind to understand the writing you'd know what I had meant

>>4454216
you are so defensive in response to criticism. you have to learn to accept when your work is shit. your story is frequently ungrammatical, completely unoriginal, strangely and stupidly punctuated, in bad style, and without a single redeeming factor that i can see.

>>4454220
Your strange diction and awful punctuation are to blame for that.

>It was here; enrolled in College where he would meet Brian Hardy,
That's not how semicolons work, friend. I honestly overlooked this because I thought it was a speck on my screen above your comma. I cleaned it off and then I'm sure my face conveyed puzzlement. Or as you would write it out: His face was puzzlement conceived.

>>4454226
Theres a difference from someone not reading it properly to saying its crap

And Okay , I'l scrap it and write something else

>>4454233
no, he's right. your phrase does not make sense.

>Embrace it whether it being over or just reaching its epitome.
i think you mean "Embrace it whether is is over or just reaching its peak", but you phrased it in a confused and ungrammatical way. Is English your second language? Because if so, you really shouldn't be thinking you are using words correctly that native speakers are telling you you're using wrong.

>>4454224
>I'm the writer, I don't have to impart ideas with accurate and careful wording
Do you realize how deep the hole you're digging is getting?
Here, let me rephrase it for your addled sense of wording:
The hole is deep and you're getting there digging.

>>4454236
>whether is is over
>whether it is over

>>4454233
You'd probably learn more by re-writing what you have until it sounds better. Have you ready it out loud?

>>4454237
>Here, let me rephrase it for your addled sense of wording:
>The hole is deep and you're getting there digging.

lol

>>4454239
There's a difference between a typo and a conscious mistake of meaning.

You could have just went and considered how to revise or edit your text for better clarity. Instead you sat here mewling and arguing that it's the readers' fault. Go away.

>>4454247
lol that one actually wasn't him i was just correcting my own post so he didn't freak out at me

>>4454249
Sorry, I've been on /tv/ and /mu/ too much lately, where they seem to consider pointing out typos a cogent criticism.

If you didn't want your work to be destroyed you shouldn't have posted it to /lit/; you should have posted to r/writing.

>>4454254
also why would you post that you would like extreme criticism to smash its surface and then freak out when people criticized it

>>4454254
I'd rather it be destroyed than lied too

>>4454257
>I'd rather it be destroyed than lied to.
Really? Good, I've got some free time.

>Mitchell sprung down his neighborhoods[sic: neighborhood's] street one last time before the world ended.
Let's start by pointing out that what you /think/ you've done is throw away literary convention by giving away the climax or resolution of the story in the first sentence.
What you actually threw away here is any possibility of rising tension through your clumsy gambit of proclaiming it in the first sentence and not, ya know, foreshadowing it during exposition (like a good writer would do).
I'm also wondering how somebody springs down an entire street, considering "sprung" in this context would imply a leap or a rapid movement. That's one hell of a jump. Maybe he sprinted? You could try putting "sprunt" in there, I guess, since you're a fan of making the reader wonder what the fuck you're talking about.
It's also redundant to say neighborhood's street. Neighborhoods are generally composed of streets.

>>4454281
>climax or resolution of the story in the first sentence
That's not what was going to happen anyway

Also, I'm sure I've spoken to you without a Trip on Lit

>It was a beautiful morning that day
I'm pretty sure if you say "it was a beautiful morning" the reader doesn't need it specified that you don't mean March 14th 1993.
> and everyone was going to die
Yeah, you already said that in the first sentence. What end of the world do you imagine where everyone doesn't die?

>as it was already fact and due
Uh, k?

>He past
You mean he passed.
>countless empty shops, abandoned malls
Really? There are countless empty shops and abandoned malls in this guy's neighborhood? How big is a neighborhood, in your estimation?
> and ghost like alleyways reminiscing his life.
We've been over why this doesn't make sense.

>At twenty five, a secure job, a joint apartment in the city, and no financial doubts, he held a secure life the majority would say.
Look, this is a trashcan of a sentence, but I'm just going to pinpoint the phrase "the majority would say," as being completely unnecessary.

>>4454147
you suck

>>4454292
I've thrown it into the memory hole M8

I gave up. You didn't put effort into it, I'm not going to because the fun's gone and I have a fucking headache after trying to read all of it for a more thorough explanation of your inept fumbling.

>>4454302
>I gave up. You didn't put effort into it, I'm not going to because the fun's gone and I have a fucking headache after trying to read all of it for a more thorough explanation of your inept fumbling.

Are you okay? You're one of the only people posting

>>4454306
I seriously had to go take aspirin, man.

>>4454308
I hope you overdosed

>>4454312
>You overdosed; I had hoped for you, to take too many for your body to be substantial.

>>4454312
That gif is good.

>>4454316
You're like one of those pseudo intellectuals

ITT: OP shits out a quick 5 minute free write and successfully trolls the living shit out of Behemoth.

Sometimes, /lit/ truly is worse than /b/. This is one of those days.

>>4454320
>Like a catapult with no ammunition, Behemoth appeared to be more intelligible than he was this thread, as if he were not intellectual at all as most people could see.

>>4454319
You can have it

>>4454325
Fucking hell I have spoken to you before you tripped
You're like a child

>>4454323

Behemoth is good at picking apart people's work and showing them what's wrong. He's being helpful. The fact that no one ever pots work worthy of any serious help is not his fault, he must just enjoy wasting his time on people who aren't serious about the craft.

>>4454335
Oh hi Behemoth, you don't need to take your trip off to talk to me.

Rating thread ?

http://pastebin.com/V3DyJ40K

>>4454329
were you that guy from the poetry thread?

because i'm not him if that's what you're wondering