/lit/ - Literature

Things Fall Apart starring Chris Rock.

Divine Comedy with Kany West in the lead

Blood Meridian
Gilbert Gottfried as The Judge
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper as The Kid
Billy Crystal as Glanton

>implying you wouldn't burn down an orphanage to see this happen

Crime and Punishment with Steve Buscemi as raskolnikov

>>4176257
>Dorian Gray with Jack Black as Dorian
>Al Pacino as Henry

>>4176278
Ever wanted to see Steve Buscemi's ballsack?

At least I think that's what this was supposed to be.

Steel Panther as the Karamazov's

>>4176297
>HBO series that is extremely faithful to the novel
>Except for the Karamazovs who maintain their Steel Panther persona

>>4176284
>Ever wanted to see Steve Buscemi's ballsack?
NOPE

>>4176271
>produced, directed, and starring Kanye West

Honestly I could seem him doing something like this.

the bell jar staring and directed by Thu Tran

>>4176278
>>4176271
Oh god, this

Also: Stranger with Ryan Gosling as Mersault

>>4176278
>>4176271
Oh god, I'd kill to see this

Also: The Stranger with Ryan Gosling as Mersault

Naked Lunch with Pauly Shore

>"interzone is like cuh-razzzzyyyyyy"

Ulysses with Bruce Willis in the lead role directed by M.Night Shymalan

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Wolf Larsen

Latter-day Orson Welles
IS
Humbert Humbert

The Old Man and The Sea

Sorrows of Young Werther starring Hulk Hogan

>>4176341

lol, i've actually seen that show. bretty gud.

>>4176934
perfect quilty though

Pic Related as Steppenwolf

Gravity's Rainbow

Stone Cold Steve Austin as Slothrop

Directed by Michael Bay

Moby Dick or The Whale with
Stallone as Ismael, Jack Lemmon as Ahab and Jackie Chan as Quiqueg

this is a really out-of-left-field reference, but I've always envisioned Inskip the Uncatchable from the Stainless Steel Rat books as Brian Denehy

infinite jest directed by Paul W.S. Andersen

>>4176325
>he rewrites all dialogue

Of Mice and Men starring Vince Vaughn and Owen WIlson

>>4176257
>Hundred Years of Solitude with Nicholas Cage as everyone
You have created a dream to aspire to

A rebours with Johnny Depp

This actually is not that bad. It could even work!

>>4177004

This wouldn't be half bad, but I'd prefer Charlie Kaufman. I bet that's about as close as you could ever get to that sort of ivy league effete freneticism. And after directing Synechdoche he's shown that he definitely has the chops.

>>4177036
>it's actually less confusing than the novel because you can tell everybody apart by their costumes

Fund it.

>marco polo - shia labeouf
>the great khan - jack nicolson
>love interest - megan fox
>directed by michael bay
>soundtrack by hans zimmer

it's an epic swashbuckling tale of adventure as the clever marco polo has to make up more and more adventurous stories to trick the barbaric khan into letting him live and to save his woman who appears in all the stories but is also being imprisoned by the khan in real life

>tfw the great khan is about to have megan khan lowered into a pit of crocodiles if marco polo can't entertain him and marco polo is going 'no no no no no no no no no no no nonono!' whilst frantically running around a giant chessboard moving the pieces so that the story pleases the khan
>tfw at the end they escape through a palace full of booby traps which blows up behind them taking the khan to his death

>>4177020
>He plays every character and makes it about him overcoming his personal demons and reaching heaven by his own greatness

>>4177085
>CGI Tupac as Vergil

A Confederacy of Dunces starring Jonah Hill in the role of Ignatius

White Noise with Jason Bateman

>>4177146

g-good one, anon

Michael Cera in anything. He'd be great in the role of Hamlet.

As I Lay Dying with the Baldwin brothers

>>4176934
I always imagined Humbert to look like Cary Grant

>>4177184
I always imagined he looked like Jeremy Irons

>Dorian Gray with Jack Black as Dorian

That would be so fucking good

>>4177146

A Confederacy of Dunces starring Zach Galifianakis in the role of Ignatius

>>4177196

No, because that sounds like a decent casting choice.

>>4177200

wikipedia:

>"There is currently a version in negotiation with director James Bobin and potentially starring Zach Galifianakis."

>>4177203
Yeah, but the OP said ostensibly terrible casting choices. Sounds like a decent choice

>The Metamorphosis with Rob Schneider as Gregor Samsa
>Lolita with Chloe Moretz and Gary Busey
>The Road with Christopher Walken as the father and Adam Sandler as the boy

>>4176257
>Hundred Years of Solitude with Nicholas Cage as everyone

>>4177248
>ITT: /lit/ Movie-adaptation casting choices that are actually awful,
Yep, they all sound fucking terrible,

>but you would watch the fuck out of
Nope

Huck Finn with Terry Crews as Jim and young Macaulay Culkin as Huck.

Aristophanes' Birds with David Cross and Michael Cera as Pisthetaerus and Euelpides, and Jeff Bridges as the Hoopoe

Mickey Rourke as Bob Dylan

>>4177284

Directed by Bob Dylan

Odyssey starring the cast of Jackass

the story is legend... but the stunts are real!

>>4177293
Oh, come on, that would be FUCKING GREAT.

>>4177313
That's the point of the thread.

>>4177318
I mean it would be genuinely great, not Tommy-Wisseau-great.

>>4177333
speaking of
The Shinning
Tommy Wisseau as Jack
Nicki Minaj as Wendy
MIcheal Cera as Danny

>>4176257
>Hundred Years of Solitude with Nicholas Cage as everyone
Oh gawd mah jimmies

>>4177367
>MIcheal Cera as Danny
Weird shit-less scared little boy turned into awkward teenager? Sold. Also, the axe scene with Wisseau's bizarre accent would be priceless.

The Satanic Verses with the Harold and Kumar guys.

>>4176257
Finnegans Wake
directed by Michael Bay
written by James Franco
starring James Franco, Danny McBride, Will Ferrell, Colin Firth, Tobey McGuire, and Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal

>>4177367
>>4177371
>HERWES TOMMY

>All wark and no play makes Tommy a cinnuhmatic genias

So, Danny, how's your sex life?

>Near the end
>The chase through the maze
>Suspenseful as FUCK
>Wendy and Danny are finally getting away
>As they try to get away from the hotel they can hear a scream from inside the maze
>YOU'RE TEARING ME APART WENDY

>>4177377
>actually awful
>implying

Isaac Asimov's Fantastic Voyage with Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Neil deGrasse Tyson going into the CGI body of Christopher Hitchens

Stoner, starring Seth Rogan

The Bible, starring Michael Cera, Andrew Day O'Conner, Danny DeVito, Adam Sandal, and the cast of 2 Fast 2 Furious

>>4177395
>written by James Franco
>directed by Michael Bay

uhuuuhhuuuuhuuuh

The Third Policeman starring Sean Connery, with Harrison Ford as his partner and Nick Frost as one of the policeman.

>one of the policeman
whoops-e

A Confederacy of Dunces starring Jonah Hill

>>4177431
>>4177146

>>4177367
forgot Amanda Lapore as Dick Hollaran

>>4177431
heh, maybe. my friend who lives in NOLA saw him the other day

>>4177444
Fuck
Great minds man.

Infinite Jest, starring Tim Heidecker as Hal, Eric Wareheim as Gately and James Quall/David Liebe Hart as everyone else

>>4177036
>>4177252
>>4177368
>>4176257
>>4177042
>Nick Cage standing in front of a firing squad consisting of dozens of other Nick Cage's

>Blood Meridian
>6 hours long
>Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson and the Coen Brothers
>Adapted for the screen by the Coen Bro's
>Daniel Day Lewis as the Judge
>All other members of the Glanton gang are played by popular Brazzers girls

>>4177021
lel

>>4177457

As I Lay Dying with James Franco

But, oh, wait

>>4177673
>James Deen as the kid

>>4177248

mein sides

>>4177040
>ivy league effete feneticism
It's funny because it's true.

>>4177196
amazing

>>4176263
Or Eddie Murphy

>>4177917
>and Eddie Murphy
FTFY

>>4176257
>Hundred Years of Solitude with Nicholas Cage as everyone

I can see Charlie Kaufman writing this script.

Sade's Juliette starring Chloë Moretz as Juliette.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra with The Rock.

>>4178041
top lel

I am yet to see a movie with him in it, where he utters more than 6 syllables in a sentence.

>>4177664
>Nicholas Cage get's shot by the dozens of Nicholas Cage's
>a crying Nicholas Cage in drag runs towards his corpse

This movie needs to be made.

Nausea starring Dave Cook

Lolita featuring Amanda Bynes and the late Steve Irwin

2666 featuring Playboy's Playboy Playmates

Bleeding Edge starring Sandra Bullock

Post Office starring Ryan Gosling

The Stranger starring Steve Carrell

120 Days of Sodom starring you

>>4178069
Actually, what would happen in an actual adaptation would be

Another Nicolas Cage emerges from the nearby house with a hunting dog (with GCI Nic Cage face) and a shotgun and interrupts the execution, after which the shooting squad joins the Colonel and start a second wave of revolutions.

>>4176257
>>4177252
>>4177664
>>4178069
>mfw nobody on /lit/ knows how to spell Nicolas Cage

>>4178081
>the 4chan mods lure a shit ton of /b/ users to a meet up were they are raped
>Janitors are the ones writing everything down
>/k/ guards the building
>/r9k/ tells the victims that it's their own fault they got raped

Paul Dano is...
Victor Ward

The Fountainhead with
Conan O'Brien as Howard Roark
Jimmy Falon as Peter Keating
Craig Fergurson as Gail Wynand
Ellen Degeneres as Dominique Francon
Larry David as Ellsworth Toohey

>>4177248
>Lolita with Chloe Moretz and Gary Busey
my fucking sides

>>4177248
loled

thank you

Catcher in the Rye directed by and starring James Franco

Crime and Punishment starring Andy Samberg

Sound and the Fury with Ezra Miller as Quentin, Kirsten Stewart as Caddy, and DMX as Benjy

>>4178519
>DMX as Benjy

Less Than Zero starring Michael Cera

>>4178519
>Catcher in the Rye directed by and starring James Franco

Seems about right
>This summer, Rob Schneider is... a dung beetle!

>>4178081
>steve carrell

perfectly wrong

>>4178081
>Bleeding Edge starring Sandra Bullock
this seems... right

>>4178539
lol.
put Michael Cera in anything and it's funny. Dude's a joke

It happened in the kitchen.
She took the knife from the drawer. Stared at it, gripping it tight, admiring it's sharp edge and blinding gleam despite herself. She went over to the counter, rolled her sleeves up. Deep breaths and whispers: "You can do this. Get it over with. Come on!" She brought it down quickly, again and again, dimly aware of her own screams.
A gasp and a deep sigh.
She suddenly felt light headed. The tears came, but they were joyful: victorious even. She looked down reluctantly. Red stuff in her dazed, blurred vision. She wiped it away quickly. She was relieved. It was over. Thank god.
A voice. Male.
"Kristen? What the fuck, are you okay?"
She turned to face this vague apparition, laughing nervously, and then spoke in a low, choked voice...

"I fucking hate beetroot".

The Cement Garden starring Michael Cera and Aubrey Plaza.

>>4178600
joyful: victorious even

That colon made me want to murder my family

>>4178605
Yeah, I fucked that up
Care to piss on it in any other way?

All of those sound fucking incredible holy shit

>>4178609
Nope, try one of the non-blue boards if you want to get yourself off.

>>4178609
Asking for a critique? Hold on

>>4178600
Between drawer and stared there should be a comma, not a period. Unless it's some weird and ineffective stylistic choice.

I like the 'dimly aware of her own screams'

Overall it's a good little bit, if unexceptional.

Idk I can't find that much to say about it. Which is probably good and bad.

best thread ever

>>4179407
ikr

The bible, starring Brian Blessed as Jesus

>Jackie Chan & the Beanstalk

Ulysses with Kevin Spacey as Bloom and Gordon-Levitt as Stephen

Outer Dark with Joan and John Cusack

>>4179680
That... oh please yes
In fact, Brian Blessed as everyone, except God himself, who would be played by Michael Cera

The Scarlet Letter

Julia Roberts as Hester
Jim Carrey as Robert Chillingworth
and Robin Williams as Mr. Dimmesdale

>>4180527
>implying this wouldn't be an improvement over the book

The Stranger

Keanu Reeves as Meursault
Sasha Baron Cohen as Arab who gets shot

>>4176257
>Hundred Years of Solitude with Nicholas Cage as everyone

11/10

>>4180532
Hell FUCKING yes

>>4176271
Gold

>>4177021
Haaahaha

>>4177248
Fucking genius

He smirked and said "You ask me what one more time, motherfucker."

"What?" I said, "Since I can't find it myself."

"Give it up, nigga! Give it up!" said he, and turned with a sudden jerk, like someone who wants to be alone with his airborne serpents.

-Franz Kahuna

>>4180532
how are those even bad choices

One Flew Over with Melissa McCarthy as Nurse Ratchet

Now I want more

>>4176257
>>Blood Meridian with Robin Williams as the Judge and Michael Cera as the kid
I... I dunno

>>4183373
>implying you wouldn't watch it

Neuromancer with Zooey Deschaenel as Molly Mirrors and Crispin Glover as Case

Notes From Underground starring Robert Pattinson

>First and Last Men with Tommy Wiseau as the Last Man and Jackie Chan as the protagonist.

I just realized that I always saw Raskolnikov as a mixture of Tom Cruise and some anime guy with smooth brown hair and a clear face.

> The dramatization of J Alfred Prufrock
> It's a musical
> Directed by Terrence Malick
> Vin Diesel in the title role

>>4184844

Replace Terrence Malick with John Waters and you're onto something.

>>4180532
Sasha Baron Cohen AS BORAT playing the Arab who gets shot.

Peter Sellers would have been a good William Stoner, I think.

I want Robert Crumb and other 60s comix artists to do an animated Crying of Lot 49

The Importance of Being Earnest with Robert Pattison as Jack

>>4178032
by my janglies!

The Turner Diaries played by the cast of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Thus Spake Zarathustra

> Gary Busey as Zarathustra
> The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus as Zarathustra's Disciples
> Elija Wood as the Tight-Rope Walker
> Joe Pesci as the Jester
> Quenten Tarrentino as the Old Man
> David Spade as the Zarathustra's Shadow

>>4176355
Holy shit that'd be fucking great.

>>4185303
This would be the best movie ever made.
I'm not joking.

>>4185303
>Directed by David Lynch

>>4176953

this wouldn't be strange, or bad, at all.

Catcher in the Rye starring Michael Cera

Sirens of Titan

Directed by Wes Anderson

starring
Luke Wilson as Malachi constant
Jeff Goldblum as Winston Rumfoord
Cate Blanchett as Beatrice Rumfoord
William Dafoe in blackface as Boaz
Jason Schwartman as Stony Stevenson
Bill Murray as Salo

Lots of David Bowie for the soundtrack

Sleepy Hollow, starring Johnny Depp directed by Tim Burton
Charlie and the Chocolate Facory, starring Johnny Deep directed by Tim Burton
Alice in Wonderland, starring Johnny Depp directed by Tim Burton

>>4185303
> Soundtrack by Randy Newman

>Homage to Catalonia

>Steve Buscemi.

>>4176257
Why the fuck was the file deleted?

>>4185365
I want to see Wes Anderson do Tristes Tropiques. A detached anthropologist (Edward Norton) wanders through the beautiful continent of South America, trying to determine man's place in the world. Also starring:
Jeff Goldblum and Nick Kroll as Vichy commanders at Martinique
Dany Trejo as Jesuit Priest
Bill Murray as crazy telegraph line operator
Dominic West and Brad Pitt as exploitative French traders in Mato Grosso

Dream-wave, chill-wave, and post-rock played throughout.

Down and Out in Paris and London with Ed Miliband in the lead role.

>>4185303
this is magnificent

>Blood Meridian with Tom Wiseau as the judge

>>4187734
that just sounds awesome though

it should be someone younger than Edward Norton though

>>4187757
>Greg Sestero as Glanton

>>4187800
bahahah yes please

>>4187757
>>4187800
>tfw you realize the production of The Room was Blood Meridian set in the movie business

Seriously, if you read up on The Room's production history, it fits so well.

Michael Cera as Paul Atreides