/lit/ - Literature

Bonus Round:

I know /lit/ isn't good at pointing out awful prose, so if the first excerpt's awfulness escapes you, this one should be pretty obvious.

>>4145307
>Our story begins
Dropped. Why do these people always begin like this?

>>4145320
and then a few paragraphs later:
>I'll start at the beginning.

>>4145317
maybe this is just genius

>>4145317
How did the editors at Harper Collins let this one slip through their fingers?

What's going through these peoples minds when they decide that it would be a good idea to share their irredeemable crap?

>>4145317
>now needed towards from looking...
>repeat x25

It's as though some mischievous lout has come along and used the find and replace option with great abandon.

>>4145307
>The skies are beautiful even in the night when you look up you can see a lot of stars even shooting stars falling from the sky.

>>4145317
>in the morning sun that will now needed towards from looking all right around through and through from seeing warewolves that walk on earth.

>>4145372
>The skies are beautiful even in the night when you look up you can see a lot of stars even shooting stars falling from the sky.

That actually sounds kind of nice.

>>4145379

>>4145379
sounds repetitive and obvious to me, and the switch to second person pov is jarring

>you know the sky has stars at night?
>the sky is beautiful
>the sky has shooting stars, too

>>4145390
What if I told you that that was a line from Joyce's Ulysses?

>>4145402
It's fucking terrible writing and you're terrible for not seeing it as such.

>>4145414
It's not, actually, but I like it anyway.

>>4145379
it's nice in the sense that a innocent person unable to convey their feelings is trying so earnestly to describe something they thought was beautiful.

>>4145379
No, it actually doesn't. Clauses are not linked properly. Too many "even"s. Not to mention the content is contrived as fuck.

>>4145439
Are you saying I don't think it sounds nice? Because I do. As if I care whether it's contrived or grammatically incorrect.

>>4145442
Dude, can't you see it's missing a coma or a semicolon? Reread the sentence a couple more times.

>>4145443
Lol.

So in conclusion, it's a grammatical failure and everyone hates it but I think it's a nice sentence and I like it.

>>4145446
Is English your native language? Because it's not mine and even that sentence is bothering me from a grammatical point of view.

>>4145307
>Then all of a sudden a crunching noise is heard almost like someone else was walking through the bush. Hold on I think I hear something said Tonnie in a startled way.

>>4145448
I was bilingually raised, I used to speak a lot of Albanian when I was young, but it's atrophied now as a result of my super proficiency in English.

>>4145446
Dude, it's a bad sentence. Grammatically it's wrong. It's repetitive. It's a sudden shift in point of view. It's telling and not showing.

Think whatever you want, but it won't make these glaring problems go away.

>>4145466
It's not a bad sentence, only a grammatically incorrect sentence.

>>4145472
Actually, grammar doesn't even exist.

>>4145317
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0TroZ0qCJR4

I couldn't help myself.

>>4145500
fix your god damn microphone

>>4145474
In that parody of a thoroughly gang-raped pidgin you call the English language, maybe.

>>4145307
>It wasn't too long they reached the beautiful clear Creek even at night it was beautiful.

>They ran off of the Bush path and into the woods and ducked under the long grass in front of the many Trees of the woods.

>He takes one last look to the left at the nearby trees and sees no one then he turns to the right at other nearby trees and sees no one.

Eugh. It's not even funny, it's just bad.

>>4145500
oh god

>>4145317

>>4145317

>>4145317
I would be impressed if anyone could clean this up into something coherent.

It's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma now needed towards from looking a mystery.

>>4145525
Exactamundo, friend.

>>4145500
>i'm dying

>>4145307
>>4145317
Better than Finnegan's Wake at least.

>>4145317
I bet the author is an alien.
Trying so hard to imitate Earthian language, but failing, so badly.

>>4145500

>>4145307
>While there struggling on the ground Tonnie is screaming ahhh someone help us ahhh.

>there
>the complete lack of punctuation for the screaming