/lit/ - Literature

welp someone analyze "The Mistake" for me what was the bag a symbol for

>>4021470
I just assumed it was a fanfic of Roach Coach from PPG...

Anyway, the bag itself isn't as significant as what's in it -- although the bag DOES swell and move as if it were an organ, and Francis does kiss and soothe it as if it were a living thing. (It almost reminds me of a swollen gall bladder or something).

We can gather quite a bit as to what the bag symbolizes from the setting: a laundromat. Cleanliness is a major concern of the story, and so Francis carries with him some sort of filth. The bag also gives him quite a bit of trouble, so we can infer that the filth is also a burden.

Furthermore, Francis's situation causes visible distress to those around him. A stigma? Maybe -- but the matter at hand is his blatant self-denial, amplified by the large amounts of dramatic irony contained in the story.

I'll let others take it form here. But what I really liked about that story was how Basil made sure to set the plot from a very particular perspective -- the story isn't about Francis and his burden; it's about Kevin being forced to watch Francis's struggle.

aw shet only two days past the 10th!

Why was "A Story Like That," removed from the 28th issue?

>>4021611
nuh-uh! It's still 11:42 PM where I live!

>>4021621
Another publication accepted it, right after we did. We are non-profit, and therefore don't care about simulations submissions and the like; however, the other publication DID care (the author checked with them), and so we pulled it for her benefit.

It's quite flattering to know that authors submit to us alongside those ritzy, for-profit magazines.

My girlfriend of four years told me that she just wanted to be friends, literally only one day before I received the e-mail telling me that my submission was accepted for this issue.

All of this, right after she told me that I was a loser and a manchild who needed to "do something" with his life. Well, now I'm a published writer, is that enough? Do you love me now?

Thanks, TAR

>TAR

this shit is still going?

>>4021660
you dun goofed bro

she dumped you because you submitted to TAR

>>4021660
I'm really sorry about your relationship ending -- it couldn't have been easy, especially not in something that long; I can tell you that you'll make it through the depression, even if it seems impossible. That aside, I have this strong urge to try and guess your name within three tries. Here is my first:

Tom?

>>4021664
Like a Cowboys bandwagon during a good season.

Bumping, will be reading and rating

>>4021664
it's been limping along

you gotta feel sorry for a zine that isn't even relevant anymore on the very website it was bred out of

The Mistake - 6/10. Annoyingly overwritten: creative writing class word choices and descriptions, awkward sentences galore. Dull "symbolism" without significance snowballs into dull surrealism. Had to force myself to finish, gained nothing from reading it.
>Kevin, as it was said in the very first line
Go fuck yourself. Your other, previous stories have been mostly better, prefer Northern Wine to this. Work on your voice, you sound like a dime-a-dozen wannabe writer who's perpetually in un-read lit mags.

>>4021950
Close-up - 4/10. Have you ever had a conversation with a real person? Talking? You know, outloud? I don't think you have.
Beyond that, wildly inconsistent narrative voice. Name dropping absolutely reeks.
>That’s pop culture for you.
Got one thing fucking right.

>>4021971
Caitlin, Tollgate Collector - 3/10. Do you happen to work on an ABC police procedural?

>>4022000
Outside of Heaven - 7/10. Still some awkward phrasings here and there, and "it's okay to use a manic pixie girl if I acknowledge it knowingly!" Much better than the other story regardless. Reads well enough.

TAR #29: Have you read Hemingway you should really read Hemingway I love Hemingway

The Village Needs a Poet - 5/10. Not a fan of poet-poems, and half of the lines are useless.
>This nail needs a cross
Stood out as nice. Who puts "a coal" in the fire opposed to putting coal in, metre-aside?

On Spectrum Drive - 8.5/10 Nice imagery and language, good use of the space. No real complaints.

we are not/we are - 7/10. Have you heard of tumblr? It's great. Not awful.
>we are scarred and scratched/and bruised little pieces of person
This is a great line that makes many of the others unnecessary.

>>4022036
Your Korean Daughter - 5/10 Did you get a good mark in your Creative Writing class?

Regarding the Feeder - A paragraph of microfiction pretending to be poetry/10 Not bad.

Last issue was better, sorry if that's disparaging because I'm apparently the only one reading. Good on everyone published though, keep at it.

>>4022041
Also, the layout is much cleaner, pleasing, and it's nice to have an Editor's Note again. Good work doing the minimal amount necessary for a readable collection of words, editors.

>>4022041
I didn't even know they selected two of my poems, thanks for the heads up.

>>4021950
>>Kevin, as it was said in the very first line

This line specifically was intentionally made fucking terrible in the hopes that the reader would take a second look at the first line again ("Kevin Humphrey,[unimportant crap], was the only man in the laundromat that night").

As for the rest though, fair enough. Yeah the phrasing was pretty cheesy in general. I've been trying to make things simpler and more blatant but I took that one way too far. It's too blatant for myself too, but most people don't seem to get the point of the stuff I actually do enjoy writing (not that people here aren't smart enough for it, I mean most people here read infinitely more complex things than my own crap, but almost no-one's going to do anything more than skim the writing of some no-name poster on 4chan). For example, everything else I've submitted before has followed this structure: http://narrativestructures.wisc.edu/kishotenketsu because personally I think it's the most true to life, literary story structure, but it doesn't really work here for several reasons: 1) the beginnings tend to be sort of mundane and people give up, 2) people might have never even read a 4-part story so they get to the end and don't see the point, and 3) even assuming the rest, even at the end of the story the major, major point isn't obvious unless you consciously try to piece things together (I mean it could be made obvious by doing something full-retard like "By golly Grandpa, growing old is such a sad thing, isn't it?" but I'd rather just kill myself). Sadly, Outside of Heaven was written before I gave up on that stuff so it follows the same structure too and will probably fail in the end as well.

>>4021470

The bag is a pregnant woman. The whole thing is one big, happy metaphor for a fear of relationships.

>>4022138
Just to clarify though, the whole thing is meant to be melo-dramatic, I don't personally have a hang-up on relationships.

lol the people who come into these threads picking apart the selected submissions are probably people who haven't had their submissions selected yet

>>4022277
I think they were always the best thing about TAR. Nowaday's though it's mostly just the one guy, but I always enjoy talking to him.

I'd pick apart stuff too but it feels kind of wrong when you're in the issue. Like it might come across as conceited or competitive.

Regardless, here's my short thoughts. If anyone wants their submission broken down piece by piece just ask.

>Close-up
Overall impression was positive. I can see how the other guy might not have liked the name dropping, personally I don't care as I thought it's the main way you established the setting and I don't feel like I'm missing out too much when I can't understand the hindi or whatever language that is. There are a few clunky lines - e.g. We were trying to outscream each other while laughing with equal decibel - but I think that'll fix itself with practice. Could have maybe used a bit more on the mess at the start, maybe not. I liked this line: Mumbai was about to become Venice and I could see it coming. I thought the whole Hemingway in Mumbai shtick was novel and good.

>Caitlin

Overall impression was positive. I went back and read the lobster story and the one with the deaf guy. Personally I liked the lobster one the most, this one in the middle, and the deaf one the least (although I think the deaf one was the most impressive, I'm too much of a sentimentalist). Sometimes you're a bit too wordy for my tastes, but it's gotten more constrained over time and that's good. Buttt you've got a much better ear than I do (as reflected in superior prosody and word flow), so who knows. I like that your stories, at least those the two I ranked higher, effectively make the mundane interesting. I think that really takes something. It might just reflect the fact that I'm jaded, but I thought, whereas the toll-operators were well described, the actual kidnapping was gleaned over a bit too lightly. Aain I could be off mark, but I think once you get a hang of balancing when to let it loose and when not to it'll be near perfect.

>Poems.

I always read these as pseudo-prose so I can't really judge. So if anyone has a recording of themselves saying it I'll and/or they want to explain what they're trying to do with a piece, I'll listen. With that said: I liked Regarding the Feeder and Your Korean Daughter, The Village seems simple but I'm assuming it's not so someone please teach me, the rest I neither hated nor loved.

>>4022138
>The bag is a pregnant woman.

Hot. Guess I need to read this again.

>>4022943
>>4022138

I've gotta call a foul on this, Basil. You can't give an analysis of your own work!

>>4022277
criticism is good even if it comes from bitter losers.

so were all the submissions this month just cheesy, or did the editors have a sentimentalist gangbang accepting them while watching the notebook?

Bumping for critiques and discussion. I know none of you fucks actually read inbetween horrible attempts at writing, so waste some time at least shitting on other anons.

So, what are the rules regarding submissions after one has already been accepted and published?

If I submitted several poems and only one was published, should I submit more poems the next month? Or should I re-submit some of the poems that weren't already accepted?

>>4024190
We may roll them over and we may not. Oftentimes we DO pass up on great submissions because we don't want to feature the author in an issue more than two times.

If you want to ensure that we forward the rest of the submissions to the next issue's pile, go ahead and send us an e-mail.

>>4021971
>Close-up
I had really high hopes for this at the beginning. The narration was bad but I really like unrealistic dialog and I thought that would carry throughout the story.

I actually was thinking it was going to be about a couple walking through town and witnessing all kinds of horrific events but still trying to have a nice time. Maybe I just don't understand the context.

>Caitlin, Tollgate Collector
The beginning was weak but still my overall favorite.

>Outside Heaven
No conflict, but I guess it's only chapter one.