/lit/ - Literature

>up-tenth time

>>4017919
>Messed Up Beyond ~ Collision of Two Worlds

>By Kanae Tatsukeda, Sour-chan Blossom

I wonder if the authors are really Japanese.

Oh my god the author of My Immortal is at it again.

>Up-tenth time

Well, I'm sure this'll be great.

>page one
>one huge paragraph
>clogged with dialog and character descriptions

>>4017919
First sentence in and it's already shit

>Christina was not tall, barely reaching 1.57. Brown hair, light blue eyes, with a small amount of mascara to make them stand out and already reddening cheeks from some of the attention given by the student population. She was wearing her classical ripped grey jeans, happy with the pockets that contained her two cells and a pair of keys. Then, there was her black tee which was on strings, showing her bare shoulders and partly the tattoo she had done in secret from her parents, half dragon-half lion. Black sneakers carefully tapped the ground in talking towards the school's secretary, informing of her arrival, and the white one-shoulder backpack with cherry imprints lightly banged against her side.

"Oops silly me sorry "

>>4017972
>barely reaching 1.57.
what unit of measurement is she using?
>classical ripped grey jeans
are those Mozart's jeans?
>happy with the pockets
can pants feel emotions?
>the tattoo she had done in secret from her parents
this is just too much

>>4017972
>half dragon half lion

wtf

>"Better watch out Goth "she mock Livia" spoiled brats" Rune thought." Well whatever just don't step on my line the next time we meet" She said ti Livia giving her the finger and then she goes to add she just have its itching in her throat to say the first day in school or not " BIACHE" she yelled.

>>4017988
>what unit of measurement is she using?
clearly she's one foot and fifty-seven inches tall, which translates to... five feet, nine inches.

I wasn't expecting that to actually come out to a reasonable height.

>>4017988
Surely the metric system.

>>4017919
>Eventually, she lazily got out of the car, and students' eyes got a view of a rather small sized girl, being the Asian that she was.

Yeah, those Asians are so fucking small, what's their problem?

>>4017919
>1.54 In height, slender, with black spiky hair and black eyes. She had fair skin and quite a rather sweet face for a gothic-ally dress girl, white shirt with black jacket over it, 3/4 black and white striped tights and a black short skirt to top it. she had her favorite black boots knee high which was strapped with 3 silver buckles on the side. She carry a sling bag Black with a lightning bolt the symbol of her favorite rock band Metallic.

My favorite rock band is Metallic, too.

holy crap I am not reading all that shit

>>4018040
Step it up. This thing is six hundred pages long.

I'm taking a creative writing class next semester and this is exactly what I'm expecting from peer reviews.

>>4018095
Me too. I just hope the class has people who actually like to write, rather than simply taking it because they think it's a neasy class.

>Mr. Stave was giving her a ride and he saw how the girl was making the most horrifying mental images

I could honestly see Nabokov writing that sentence

>>4018114
I'm not too crazy about literature, but I can still cringe when somebody wipes their ass and turns it in as homework. Finishing high school in po-dunk Iowa is even worse.

> It was her first day of attending a school for the rich AND in another country!

So she's attended schools for rich prior to this? Is that what you're trying to convey, you ambiguous little shit?

>>4017919
Asian girls are so... weird.

>Some random students saw him walk by and started muttering. "Hey did you see that guy." "Yeah isn't he the Snow Dragon" "Shh what if he hears you idiot"

>>4017939
Googled that and got traumatizing results.

>>4017939
>>4018228
>the authors are 22 and 36 years old
>they are white as a god damn cloud

I was honestly expecting the authors to be middle schoolers.

>>4018228
Sour-chan Blossom. She looks nuts. Would still probably tie her up and torture her.

>>4017919
This is EXACTLY like My Immortal.

>>4018335
>like alabaster
>my sides

This is the worst thing I've ever read.

>>4017919
>This place is just as too big as a Castle in Scotland

I fucking love these threads.

>>4018228
>>4018311
>Stumbling accidentally upon the realm of RP, and with the guidance and encouragement of friends, she fell in love with the art of writing stories.

Kill me.

Guys, a professor at my school is willing to pay for my independent publishing.

A friend of mine's father is a head of a major publishing house and is willing to put my manuscript(s, since I've already penned three of the novels in the series) in front of him.

What do I do? Guide my p(ublishing)enis.

>"Hey just so you know I don't think fighting is a good way to make friends. Though I could care less."