/lit/ - Literature

>sideways
>bilious
>blurry
>handwritten
>while riding a unicycle apparently
>Am I doing it wrong

Like Im going to take my time to actually make that picture readable.

First step is not to post it sideways next time.

>>3913531
but I do everything on my unicycle and you'll have to excuse the rest as I don't have a computer, I use my phone.

step # 2: Use an actual fucking notepad, not a book where the chapter ended halfway down a page.

>>3913534
when I load it on my phone its not sideways

>>3913506
I can't even read it. The jarring handwriting is getting in the way.

either way my picture doesn't matter as much as the questions I asked in my op

step number three: see picture.

>>3913546
you shouldn't do that

>>3913544
questions?

>Am I doing it wrong
>is the iamb kinda boring to write
>what else is there

well, cant answer the first question as I said, CANT READ THE PICTURE (which is where the poetry is posted) so IDK if youre doing it wrong.

question two- what the fuck is a "iamb" ???

question three- doing WHAT wrong? As I already mentioned (along with everyone else) we cant translate what the fuck it was that you wrote in your book there.

>>3913548

And why not? Dont tell me or anyone else how to live their life, or in this case, kill themselves.

>>3913506
...
the mail man is an asshole
throwing my dads shit in the dirt.
...
fifteen, I have reached line fifteen.
... and so it goes.

A 12 yo kid, with inspiring dreams.

>>3913552
why are you in this thread if you don't even know what an iamb is?

if you are going to ask people if you are writting poetry correctly then just dont write poetry

>>3913557
So cheasy, gtfo

>>3913544
OK, maybe I was a bit harsh in my initial assessment >>3913531.
Let me address the image issues and give a look.
>mounts monitor to wall
>dons anaglyph 3D glasses (two pair, cyan for each eye of course)
>CSI enhance
>changes system font to handwriting; acclimates
>tapes rumble controller to monitor
Ah, there we go.

...define "iamb", OP.

aww shit I just realized how wrong I did it. not that I was trying to make anything good or inspired but I even forgot that each line should have ten syllables

>>3913582
Why do you think you need ten syllables?
Seriously, what do you think the word "IAMB" means?
Let's actually have a productive discussion here.

>>3913589
yes, clearly I need help

>>3913589
I mean the iambic pentameter. doesn't it require five feet meaning five unstressed syllables and five stressed syllables equalling ten syllables?

>>3913596
Yeah, that's correct. But...
>2013
>being a slave to meter (or any kind of form)

Seriously though, iambic pentameter is just one way of writing poetry, so don't be disappointed if you don't like it that much.

I prefer some internal rhymes with free verse, I'll post some Walt Whitman in a sec, see if that style seems more appealing.

>>3913605
I often hear that rules should be learned before broken that's why I'm taking my time

>>3913616
If you want to take that approach, that's fine. But if you read Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay "The Poet" then you might see why it's best to focus on whatever is real to your experience. Meter can be a distraction when you're just trying to write about your human experience.


Anyhow, here's an excerpt from "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" by Walt Whitman

Others will enter the gates of the ferry and cross from shore to shore,
Others will watch the run of the flood-tide
Others will see the shipping of Manhattan north and west, and the heights of Brookly to the south and east,
Others will see the islands large and small;
Fifty years hence, others will see them as they cross, the sun half an hour high,
A hundred years hence, or ever so many hundred years hence, others will see them,
Will enjoy the sunset, the pouring-in of the flood-tide, the falling-back to the sea of the ebb-tide.
>Whitman has an existential orgasm about the semi-permanence of Manhattan, and its nature as a hub for humanity.
>Uses repetition to give his writing form. "others will", "years hence", "tide"

is it worth it to subscribe to Poetry Magazine?

>>3913666
It's worth it if you're going to read it, just like any other poetry. $35/year ain't bad.
I suppose the perk is that the poetry has been screened for quality by other people.
Just make sure to read it as a poet: analyze the structures, the contents, the topics. And read aloud.

On top of that, just keep writing poetry in a private journal or in notepad files on your computer.

Write whenever you can, and remember: no one needs to see your shitty drafts if you don't want anyone to. I've got plenty of shitty drafts myself. So just write, read, and reflect.

I'm at the phase where I need to start sharing my poetry to find out what's working.

>>3913666
It looks like a pretty good place to learn by example. For instance, I just peaked at their website, and found these lines in a poem called "The Delta":

>You are a girl standing in a pool
>of clouds as they catch fire in the distance.

Now that is a pretty cool way of saying "the river reflected clouds that were fading off into the red sunset".

>>3913596
OK, and I see now from the image that "pentameter" is mentioned under your finger.
Not sure how much you know definition-wise, so I'll just say:
* an iamb is a two-syllable element that's stressed on the second syllable
* some example iambic words are supPORT, aBOUT, beLIEVE, conNECT
* iambic pentameter is five (pent-) of those together on a line

It's okay to break this to varying degrees, and there are other poetic meters, and there's free verse, etc., but >>3913616 is a very good approach.

So let's look at a couple lines:
>Poetry has never been my bag man
>Thanks to Stephen Fry, it could be
Note how the accents aren't iambic (ba-BUM ba-BUM ...);
these lines go BUM-ba BUM-ba, which is trochaic instead of iambic.
(The second line is also tetrameter, having four elements instead of five).

Here's a rearrangement of those lines into iambic:
>Man, POetRY has NEVer BEEn my BAG
>It COULD be, THANKS to STEphen FRY

And here's the second line, expanded out into iambic pentameter:
>It COULD beCOME so, THANKS to STEphen FRY

>>3913506
Computers do actually have text-input readily available these days.

You don't need to take photographs of poems to show people. In fact, it's a whole lot easier on your audience if you present your poem in a fashion other than "sideways, excessively orange-hued, out of focus cell phone pic of some illegible mess of pen marks."

>>3913705
wow this post is extremely valuable to me

thanks

>>3913711
Now put that in iambic pentameter hahahahaha

>>3913711
Yes, we've established that OP's image was offputting, and we've moved past that now to discussing poetic meter

Also, the book OP's using missed a golden opportunity:
>It is time to make your metre...now.
could so easily have been done in iambic pentameter:
>It's time to make your lines of metre...NOW.

>>3913717
Great, you're welcome.

Try it out with a couple other lines from the page, or some new lines, and let's see how it goes.

I'd suggest to OP that there are two reasons to write poetry: the first is to express in written form, the second is to communicate an idea or experience.

Both are reliant on the assumption that language is a construct and thought is conceptual - in communication, then, poetic devices (metaphor and so on) do better to communicate the qualia of an idea or experience. If I wanted, for instance, to express to you how beautiful I find a woman I could say "that woman is beautiful" - I don't, though, know your own understanding of the word "beautiful". If I were to, instead, say "that's woman is as a sun setting into the welcoming ocean, bouncing rainbows across my vision" I am communication the qualia of the idea to you in a more conceptual manner.

If you're just out to express yourself, just write and structure and the rest of it be damned. All that matters is getting it out. Just don't expect it to be any good.

If you want to write "good" poetry you need something to say and a way of saying it. All the modern greats had their own distinct styles, born of themselves, and their own unique perspectives which they endeavored to express. Writing "good" poetry requires practice, practice and more practice.

>>3913741
>If you're just out to express yourself, just write and structure and the rest of it be damned
Yup.
Yawp, rather:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLFQYbjYsso
WATCH THIS CLIP, OP.

bump just to see what happens

>>3914460
keep at it mayn, you gon' get it

I'm bumping this just so I don't lose it. I hope that's okay, there was a lot of really good advice and I am away from my computer atm

>>3913839
what the hell does yawp even mean?

>>3916889
A loud cry or yell. You should watch the clip.