/lit/ - Literature

Any body ? :-(

WHat the fuck did I just read?

>>3808301
What that supose to mean ? The book. Is not even published yet! How did you read it ?

>>3808285
Proofreaders should give you many things to change, so your book is still not finished.
Well done though. It must be hard writing in your condition.

Hay I got 4. new likes ! Yes ! :-)

>>3808307
If your spelling and grammar in these posts are similar to that in your book; there's no way in fucking hell I'm reading anything you've formally written.

>>3808285
Take your weaboo shit to /jp/
People will just laugh at you here

>>3808319
Thank s but you dont underrstand I have 4 freinds read this allready. And they said it s so good. Even a bit too dark but good ! If theres probblems or work. They would notise !

>>3808321
Sighs. I am DYSLEXIC. Your just been won of those same people who says I never amount to what I want. Everyone knows editers do all the hard spellings work. Same with all the grates.

>>3808322
Laugh hay ? Well I have 4 new likes now whose laughing ?

あなたは日本人ですか?

>>3808335
I dont understand japanese picture writing sorry but you will will proberly like my book if your japanese But maybe only if you can read english untill its translated to japanese I supose.

For those who don't want to jumpt through OPs hoops:

About
If you've had you're heart broken, and seeking vengeance this is the book for you, and if you also like the dark & maccabre.
Biography
Onoryuku, Part I, Trail of Blood. Which has, a young Japanese girl born into a world of pain and suffering, after her father's death, she falls in love and then has her heart broken, with other "dark" factors happening around her and the people she loves. Eventually she turns into a vengeance demon and grants wishes to other women who also have had the heart broken. The first of the trilogy will be released late summer 2013.
Description
Onoryuku was born into a world of pain and suffering, after her father peacefully passes away, she falls in love with a lone samurai warroir named, Takehiko. Takehiko must find a way to break free of the army he pledge his lfe too. Her cousin, Chitiko has always blamed her for parents brutal death, which Chitiko & Takehiko witnessed as children. Onoryuku slowly turns from being human into a vengenace demon. This is the first of a trilogy, Onoryuku, Part I, Trail of blood.
Favorite Books
Mainly Stephen King and Edgar Allan Poe

Sounds riveting

>>3808352
Thanks I was thinking of patse it here coz peeps only seem to see the bit what sais About
If you've had you're heart broken, and seeking vengeance this is the book for you, and if you also like the dark & maccabre. and then not see the rest ! I know coz they must be too thick to know how you click the hole thing LOL thanks man I hope when you buy it you find it is as riveting too.

pls post the first page, i want to see it

>>3808335
>using あなたは

OP, I don't think any editor would fix your spelling, it's just bad. Maybe your book is ok, maybe not, but bad spelling and grammar is enough to make any editor stop reading before even think how good/bad is yout book. Anway, good luck with you book, if Twilight, Hunger Games and 50 shades's authors got their books released, so can you.

>>3808364
I will check if I am aloud to post it on internet coz of copyright.

Poor trolling attempt

>>3808379
Lol yeh did you understand it ? What did. They say pls ?

look ok I cant help my spellings coz dyslexic. But. remember Eyenstiyn ? Dyslexic ! Batehovan ? Dyslexic ! Steven Fry ? DYSLEXIC it means not a thing!

Ha ha ha dont compear my novle to twilight LOL stupid vampyre sucking period blood discharge ! And 50 shades of gray. Was for old woman who dont get any sex LOL. I have never seen hunger games.

>>3808392
Whose trolling ?

Is no more peeps gonna like my page :-( Search on face book. ONORYUKU It will bring up Francis E Hughes author. LIKE IT pls!

Bump >:-(

I am happy for the 4 likes. But. I want to get 100 pls !

>>3808448
4 NEW LIKES I MEAN. I have. 60 I need 40 more

come ON ppl :-( I go away. For hour or more. And still no more likes ! Pls help me out

It troubles my soul to think this is not somebody trolling.

>>3808395

No more ppl :-(

>>3808670
whats that supose to mean ?

>>3808671
Im sorry whats this for ? Explane pls ? Saying I have special needs I asume. Very clever round of aplauss for you when I allready said I am dyslexic.

OP, serious questions:

1. Why is it set in Japan? Is there something about Japan that necessitates it being set there?
2. Who do you have editing for you?
3. Besides being "fantasy" and "dark" can you tell us any more? Summarize the first few chapters so we know what it's about.

Fuck off OP, I know plenty of people who have dyslexia and can type fine. You're either a troll or you have something more than just dyslexia

>>3808706
He's already explained. If you've had you're heart broken, and seeking vengeance this is the book for you, and if you also like the dark & maccabre. Are you dyslexic too?

>>3808706
Hi thanks for some serious questions

1 Its set in japan coz. I became interested in folklore and deamonology in japan and coz its also inspired by marshall arts films its bet set in japan.

2 I had a freind edit it but she stopped after first chapter not realy helping with it. So now I am edit myself with some help from my landlady untill I can get it published after. Proof reading. The proof reader will proberly help edit it.

3 I have to be carefull nobody steels my ideas but first chapter is basicly the main character Onoryuku gets born her mother dies giving birth and later her father dies of. Cancer I make it clear he has this.

When she is been born her cousin. Chitiko. Is out for walk with her own parents and Takehiko. Who Onoryuku father adopted before. Chitikos parents are violantly killed by pirates on this walk. In front of children. Its dark. The pirates are making dark jokes too. And being violant. Then coz if they wer'ent on walk coz Onoryukus mother was giving birth. It would never have hapened. So Chitiko. Blames Onoryuku. And seeks revenge.

Onoryuku. Falls in love with Takehiko after he becomes samurai warroir. But Chitiko. Takes him away out of revenge ! So Onoryuko is heart broke and turns into vengenace deamon !

>>3808740
Fuck off YOURSELF LOL. I know my spelling & gramar are fucked. Thats what dyslexia. IS. Retard !

>>3808746
Thank YOU. Mate.

>>3808752
Your idea sounds amazing. Send me a draft and I can help editing the first chapter.

verytemporarydontmuckabout@yahoo.com

>>3808332
>Sighs. I am DYSLEXIC. Your just been won of those same people who says I never amount to what I want. Everyone knows editers do all the hard spellings work. Same with all the grates.

Yeah, except in this day and age with MS WORD, spellcheckers, and dictionaries so easily available there's no excuse faggot.

>>3808762
well after the proof reader sends it back. Then I shall. If it needs it. Thanks man :-)

>>3808768
I get that. But. I am not gonna use word on the internet am I ? Fool !

>>3808783
>But. I am not gonna use word on the internet am I

Dictionaries are a click away and even 4chan highlights wrongly written words with a red squiggly line. Modern browsers will allow you to right-click and select a more appropriate word.

You have no excuse.

>>3808799
Yeh It highlights words but does'nt give me the right spelling. Excuse. Me !

Aw I have'nt had. Any more likes. Since last time I checked :-( I need 100 for ppl in my town. To take me serious.

>>3808809
.... right click it dude

>>3808748
> 3 I have to be carefull nobody steels my ideas
Hahahahhaha it must be a troll.

>>3808919
It does'nt work on a macbook. Thanks tho.
>>3808924
What ? why ? If you think Im a troll well check my facebook Onoryuku page !

>>3808285
u wot m8
u look like a right cunt

I think I just got a tumor to my occipito-temporal junction from reading OP's posts.

>>3808971
YOU wot MATE ! Who you fucking starting on ? Come call me a cunt. To My FACE ! Fucking dick wipe.

>>3808987
What the fuck. Are you even saying ? Cant understand you.

Well now Im pissed off. Thank you Very fucking Much. No more likes. And now being abused. By cowards. Yo'ull see.

There must be 40 ppl out there !

My. God this IS so. Bad. Yuo are the. Wrost writer of. All TIM. Kill you'reself.

>>3809109
FUCK YOU ! Come say you're stupid shit. TO MY FACE RETARD.

Anyway. I have a new like to my page. I am happy. But its not showing. 39 more. PLS !

HA HA and an new one ! Sucsess at last !

The....fuck? This has to be a joke right?

>>3809173
Your the only fucking joke !

Ok so I found this page...I don't think he's kidding. Looks like he's been "writing his novel" for quite some time, and genuinely interacts with people who know him. You can even see his regular fb on that page, as he liked one of his friend's post's.

These people that know him are the problem imo. They're blatantly giving him false hope/saying they're proud of him for all this. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind...or things like THIS happen.

>>3809109

some one's faking being on a mobilly.

>Onoryuku was born into a world of pain and suffering, after her father peacefully passes away, she falls in love with a lone samurai warroir named, Takehiko. Takehiko must find a way to break free of the army he pledge his lfe too. Her cousin, Chitiko has always blamed her for parents brutal death, which Chitiko & Takehiko witnessed as children. Onoryuku slowly turns from being human into a vengenace demon. This is the first of a trilogy, Onoryuku, Part I, Trail of blood.

Ffs this is like one of those situations where that one kid in the special needs class who doesn't try to eat the pencil in front of him is then encouraged to reach for the stars, or some other corny bullshit, by his overly liberal teacher. No doubt she reads it all and claps, along with a bunch of other liberals, which then makes him believe he can become a writer.

The thing is, they then don't stop him when he's making a prat of himself as they think it's "mean". So they cheer him along anyway.

Tl;dr - liberals fuck everything up.

>>3808346
>I dont understand japanese picture writing
You will never amount to what you want.

>>3809205
My freinds and family support me coz they know a good thing when they see it. Dont bother, writing a comment. If you got nothing desent to say.

>>3809223
I know hes a prick can suck my dick.

>>3809245
So you liked what you reading then ?

>>3809255
Ha ha HA LOL YOUR THE ONE WHO EATS CRAYONS LMFAO ! Go join the cue of haters I got loads of them I dont, give a fuck

OP, you are the self-esteem boost many of us have been waiting on for years. No matter how miserably you fail, please keep us updated.

who did you have to sleep with to get someone to read this shit?

>>3809265
kill yourself

>>3809257
Why coz I cant read, in japanese ? Thats ballshit my book can easly be translated for, japanese speaking readers

>>3809280
No fuck that I will, instead keep you updated when I, SUCSEED !

>>3809283
Im not sleeping, with anyone. I know, someone who can get me. Publisher. And I was tweeting, a well loved auther at 3am the other day. Herd of. " Jon Courtenay Grimwood " BITCH ?
>>3809285
No you come kill me. Cheese dick.

>>3809286
>ballshit

this is the most elaborate troll i have seen in quite some time

well done op 10/10

>>3809286
>Why coz I cant read
>cant read
Yep

>>3809294
>SUCSEED
>SUCK SEED

Yes OP you come back and prove us all wrong with your seed sucking skills!

>>3809306
>Im not sleeping, with anyone
Well we didn't really need you to clear that one up.

I've always thought about what I would post on /lit/ if I ever got my working novel published. It didn't take long to come to the decision that it would be a simple thank you letter to all the /lit/izins that gave me feedback and critique and I would forbid myself from giving out the name of myself or my novel.

>>3809313
No your talking ballshit
>>3809314
Im not a troll I used to troll on my facebook freinds. But I, saw the. Erorr of my ways.
>>3809317
>>3809330
>>3809337
Same fucking person, nice fucking. TRY ! Shit for brains

>>3809349
So your saying. I shoul'dnt give detales like this ? But looks like, some guy sais they will help, edit if proof reader does'nt. And been told to try to get, 100 likes on my facebook page but only need. 40 more.

>>3809355
I'm not going to deny being more than one of those posters....but you calling ANYONE "shit for brains" is ridiculous.

>>3809366
>I shoul'dnt give detales like this ? But looks like, some guy sais they will help, edit if proof reader does'nt.
*yawn* boring troll

>>3809382
Hush your gums round my plums fucker !
>>3809383
Bla bla bla troll yourself !

>>3809401
This is now quite boring.

>>3809405
Well go the fuck away and, finger your bum hole. ROMANIAN RICHARD !

>>3809401
please dont bump this again you are boring and i am now a little bit sad because of you

>>3809383
He's been posting on his facebook page since October last year...

>>3809416
regardless of that, he's trolling us here. he may be serious about this but no-one is as much as an idiot as this guy is pretending to be right now.

>>3809411
Well GO. AWAY then fuckface
>>3809416
Yeh been writing, much longer tho

>>3809416
Exactly. Sorry but this guy is serious. Another big clue - see the posts from his friends or family supporting and encouraging him. I don't think he's a good writer, but he's sadly not a troll either.

I'll like the fb page!
How many pages is your novel?
When will it be published?

>>3809434
Was thinking, for a moment. Nice comment. But then you say " dont think he's a good writer". Sigh :-(

>>3809427
>>3809434
how can you read his posts as anything other than a troll? he may be serious about this writing shit but if his posting here is actually for real, then he doesnt understand even the basic fundamentals of english punctuation. perhaps he's not the author of the page and is just linking to it? makes sense i guess.

>>3809439
The posts on the facebook page are in the same style as the poster on here.

>>3809437
Thanks man :-) well it was going to be, 100, but things dont always, go to plan ;-) I am hoping it will, be published. By the end of the year is the plan !

To like the page I will post again I cant post the link coz it thinks its. Spam. But if you type ONORYUKU in search on face book. It will bring up Francis E Hughes author and that s me this is my face book page

>>3809443
This. Anyone who thinks he's trolling should definitely look at the page. This is the same guy, and I'm certain he's serious.

Which writers influenced you?

>>3809443
>>3809448
Maybe it's a disgruntled friend trying to make him look like a fool.

>>3809454
It might be but frankly the posts on here are no less ridiculous than I'd expect of someone who posts like he does on facebook.
I don't actually care, may as well leave him be. He's sweet and genuine in a naive kind of way. I'd much rather make fun of Gloria Tesch.

How do you even manage to type the captcha

>>3809456
Yes, precisely. The page contains postings by him from October. They're all written in the exact same style. He's clearly been over encouraged by people he knows, either because they're slow or too nice. But he's not a troll.

>>3809439
I am NOT, a troll. I AM the author. And. Finally. I have dyslexia. Which means my spelling and gramar. Are not good. Does'nt mean I cant have imagination !

>>3809443
>>3809448
Thanks guys !

>>3809453
Stephen King. And Edgar Allan Poe. I know I am. A nerd. Ha ha !

>>3809454
Are you, STILL HERE ROMANIAN RICHARD

>>3809456
Not sure if your, nice or not. Thanks if your.

>>3809457
I just copy it like everyone else

>>3809471
Are you taken the piss?

>>3809482
>I just copy it like everyone else

Plagiarist please go.

>>3809485
Speak fucking English mofo. Who do you think you are Shakespeare or some shit ?

>>3809488

??

Do you not understand simple commonly used terms?

>>3809534
I understand when someones being a asshole !

"After the easter's phone call, telling someone. " I'm only one section away from completion ". I got told. " That I should get out more, and that I only phone every six months ! " And then hung up. I'm sorry I did'nt realise your're hands were broken. It's a two way thing. Cheese dick ! Hopefully everyone had a Great easter, I did'nt I lost my bank card. FML"

OP you have forgotten to include your fedora in your profile picture!

>>3809710
Yeh thats what hapened. so Why are you pasteing it here ?

>>3809723
What fedora ? Im not Micheal Jackson !

Fuck you OP.

This thinks of my mother and her shitty attempt at writing while we were poor growing up.

Do you know how hard it is to deal with a parent figure utterly failing in front of you, but they dont know it while you do? They fully believe that they are going to make it, and you just see what they are doing and it is absolute shit. They go on and on about how there are going 12 books while they only have an outline for one, there is going to be movies, action figures, how theyll have to make sure that the action figures come AFTER, very big deal, the movies. God fucking dammit.

If youre real OP, best of luck to you, but you just depressed the shit out of me.

>>3809781

wow that's a depressing thought.

>>3809781
Maybe You just had no faith in, your mother. I plan to turn. Onoryuku into a series, Of books. And then I think, its make a good movie trilogy too. Whats wrong with, having Dreams. Thanks for the luck anyway.

>>3809796
Its only depressing coz hes being down on his mother. Sweetheart.

>>3808748
>martial arts films
>Japan
Wrong. 90% of martial arts films are Chinese.

Anyway. Thanks to, Wojtek Sokolov
Ola McCake
Kristof TiTan Madu
Florian Gaussen for liking my page. I now have. 62 people.

>>3808285
Hey OP, fellow AA here.
Let me ask you, have you been to Japan?
If not, go to Japan and re-edit your novel.
Rule #1, write what you know.
Just my 10 pence for you, and congrats!
You're already further in writing than most of these posers here...

>>3809819
Dude. I grew up on, Bruce Lee films. For example.

>>3809832
No not been. yet ! Hope when I sell a few, copies I will then. Thanks, man. I know I am better, than the posers Ha Ha !

Hay thanks Mo Kane ! 63 likes now ! Whoop whoop !

>>3809842
>Bruce Lee
>Japan
Again, I don't see the connection.

>>3809852
Sighs. You know, what I am saying tho. That style of film. Also popular in japan. And. many japanese marshall arts films. Even some made in hong kong. Are based in japan.

>>3809818
Fuck you, you know nothing about me or my mom. How the hell do you feel qualified to comment on my mom? Ive known her for 22 years, and her book idea is shit. Its about fucking space frogs on mars.

>>3809053
You'll cowards don't even smoke crack.

>>3809877
Mate. I am commenting, on what YOU SAID. Dick. And so, what ? Sound like a good, Kids book. Be nice to her, dream.
>>3809888
Who sais anything. About crack ?

>>3809897
>Maybe You just had no faith in, your mother
>had
Youre talking about my past, you dont know anything about my past.

And no, mutant space frogs/marines for earth on mars is not that great.

cool bro. Congratz. I will be checking it out.

>>3808285
'face book' was one step too far. very good though, would lel again

>>3809941
Your past, is not. MY problem. and so what it sounds like any other kids fantasy, book or film.
>>3809951
Thanks bro :-)
>>3809957
Typo. Whats, your point ?

glorious bump

>>3809990
Thanks. Man

>>3809992
it was my pleasure. assuming you're op, could you post a short extract of your novel? since you don't have a publisher yet, there shouldn't be any copyright issues.
and i'm dying to read some of it.

>>3809997
Many years ago in the southwest island of Japan, Shikoku.

In the Nara era, the year is 710 A.D.

There was a farm girl with such elegance and grace, who had a heart so pure a trusting with such beauty inside, as well as out.

Her name was Onoryuku, she had, thick jet-black hair and with the lightest shade of green eyes like sparkling emeralds twinkling in the darkest of nights. She was a beautiful Geisha. A female entertainer, behind those beautiful eyes remains despair and sadness.

Unfortunately, for Onoryuku her father lay dying in a Noka, a Japanese farmhouse.

He had lost of a lot of weight recently, and he was finding it a struggle keeping food and liquid down, the persistent cough he had was getting worse and worse. He knew he had not much time left.

He was in tremendous amount of pain the cough he was having was bellowing & burning from his chest.

He was, called Onoryuku-suke he is a prosperous land owner, and he and his late wife Nanji, the built Noka with there own hands and sown the grains of rice, and help built an ever-expanding rice field.

Behind the farmhouse, there sat a rice field. The hills of Japan’ are lush and green, with the mist hovering like a silky cobweb, over the jagged hills.

Above the lush green hills are the silver edges of the mountain.

Above that sits a light blue, yet slightly cloudy sky that slides back into the evergreen forest.

Then yellow lines of the waterlogged rice fields, where the green rice plants wave in the wind, and the buffalos graze.

They look similar to wheat but thicker and longer, with a white tip at the end.

The single patch is about six foot by eight square foot, but it goes on for three to four miles with water buffalo grazing. The water buffalo are also used as tools for agriculture labour, There were as many as 100 in this field alone.

The Farmhouse is not like any modern farmhouse in the 21st century. This one has an oval roof instead of a triangle one, with white and black bricks and the windows and sliding doors, which are made of papyrus. Which are called fusuma even though it maybe paper, this papyrus can withstand all the elements.

Inside the farmhouse, Onoryuku-suke is in more and more pain as the hours went on “Takehiko, come closer “as he lay withered and motionless on a bale of hay. Onoryuku, the beautiful geisha woman is cooling is head with a damp rag, as she wipes away a single tear which smudges her pure white make up. She gets up, moves to allow Takehiko to kneel down in front of him. “You have been like a son to me. “ Takehiko felt like his hold body quivering inside. His bottom lip was shivering he gripped his own hand into a vice like grip.

He is a samurai warrior, and they were not allowed to show emotion. “Takehiko do you remember all those years ago, when Chitiko first found you along the river “

“Yes, vaguely, but I was just a child? General Yoshitimo thinks I was about five or six, why?”

Still bearing and trying to hide his emotions with enormous pride

“No my son before that where you where found “

Onoryuku-suke said trying started to cough furiously which splatters more blood, on the blood soaked rag.

690 A.D.

A horse drawn carriage rolls up a leafy lane surrounded in weeping willow trees.

There are bolts of lighting, dash, and scatter in the air.

In the distance, there are rumbles of thunder in the background. Even though, a storm was there, in the distance.

There was pleasant and peaceful mood was between Ryuota and Nanji where riding up the path “Chitiko?”

“Chitiko, look we are near “

“Mother”

In a spoilt voice

“I was playing”.

As she is opening the curtains in the rear of the carriage, with her head poking out, she furiously pulls the curtains, tighter again.

“But look we are near my sister’s and your new uncle’s, and they’re about to have a baby, aren’t you excited “

“Who cares it’s just a stupid baby”

Once again, Chitiko said in a spoilt, ill-tempered voice.

Ryuota said in a stern voice “Chitiko enough!”

“I don’t wont you speaking to me or your mother or anybody, like that ever!”

“Do you understand me, I swear I don’t get were she gets it from, I shall be speaking to the someone from the monastery when we get back”

Chitiko was a nine-year-old girl, at this point with black bobbed hair, she also had a slim frame, with dark brown eyes, and quite short for her age, and forever pouting, and generally a miserable child.

A heavily pregnant woman stood just up the path with one hand waving and the other on her hip “Onoryu-suke they’re here, come they’re here, hurry up” Onoryu-suke slid the open the door kissed his wife Kanji on the cheek

“You know Kanji I don’t know, how I could love this child because I am too much in love with you”

Kanji said glazing into his eyes as she raised her hand to stroke his chubby face “You’ll be a fine father and an excellent provider, you have worked on a house” “We” interrupting.

“We have but I couldn’t have done it without, you complete my, are the yang to my ying.

“Shut up” Kanji said in joking mood.

“Kanji” “Onoryuku-suke”, Ryuota & Nanji, said with a gentle bow how are you Kanji you are as big as house, and speaking of which what a beautiful place you have”. Nanji said

Even though neither of them said anything, they all wanted to be there for the birth, of Onoryuku-suke and Kanji’s first child. Yet unfortunally for them it would be their only. For it would be the first of many tragedies to come.

Onoryu-suke said in a very stern voice” you must not go out at night, for there are pirates that patrol these riverbanks. The samurai do patrol but that is not enough. There have been words of people gone missing, robbed, even murdered.

So, just please for the love of Gods please be careful.

“Aren’t you worried they’ll come into to the house? Kanji said with a concerned look and tone.

“No” Quickly replied Onoryuku-suke.

“No pirates, never EVER leave their boat behind in case they get robbed ironically, but apart from that you’ll be fine “he said with much amusement, grinning and winking.

“Besides it is just a precaution, its better to be safe than sorry right?” “As I was saying “ Kanji, interrupting him yet again as he

like most times, he talks too much. “Thank you for coming down if you need anything please let us, know”. As they turned there backs away and walked into the house from the horse drawn carriage sliding the doors “My Chitiko haven’t you grown“, Kanji said.

“I know that I’m not a baby any more!” Chitiko said in a child like ignorance”

Kanji immediately lifted her eyebrows, and stop dead in her tracks, in utter shock a nervous laughter broke out between everyone, expect for Onoryuku-suke.

“My, my, my, aren’t you a fiery one “said Onoryuku-suke, gritting his teeth, surprised that a child could be so rude.

>>3810031
A COUPLE OF WEEEKS LATER

Kanji was getting more and more irritable towards the end (as was to be expected) Onoryu-suke politely asked them if they would care to leave the house.

“This is delightful warm, sunny afternoon, and please don’t take this the wrong way” he said with a smile on his chubby face.

Now he is starting to have concerned look as its turning into a frown as he held his hands out in a gentle gesture.

“Its just Kanji needs her rest and you lot would be no use to them at all.

With a child running around the house, Kanji just wanted some peace and quiet.”

Even though, the hormones were not making life any easier.

“Just remember what I said a couple of weeks ago, stick to the paths I told you and you’ll be fine, in fact here is a map”. He handed Ryuota a white rag with directions where to go, as he pointed, and how to get back before nightfall, explaining with his hands.

”Just make sure your you stick to it and it will lead you back here, and by the time you get back, the food will be ready”

>>3810037
Chitiko was eagerly waiting to get out she felt like she was, cooped up in that farmhouse. “Father, when are we going home I am bored I

want go back to the main land. I miss my friends “Chitiko” said Ryuota.

“Look at the beautiful place pointing, at the pink blossom trees and the weeping willows as they sway in the wind and with the ray of lights piercing through the trees with the blossom leaves acrobatically, and gracefully falling in to the water, gently ripping the water as they kiss the river.

“I don’t like it, its boring I want to go home? “Said Chitiko" in a whining manner.

“Come on, I can’t be that bad” Nanji questioned with a curious matter.

As they strolled across the river bank following the path through the rice fields, like any child Chitiko ran ahead of her parents. Chitiko stopped suddenly in her tracks she heard a distinctive, yet an un-easing sound, noise echoing not too, far way from them. She rushed back to her parents slightly frighten yet slightly intrigued. She could not fathom why this, strange, yet familiar noise is. “Father what is that noise “said Chitiko

“I don’t know just stay close “Ryuota nervously whispered.

“I don’t know why she always asks you questions, she never comes to me to ask me anything” Nanji released with a sigh. “Maybe she loves me more than you do “quick wittingly replied Ryuota, in the same breath. “I am joking, she’s a daddy’s girl and when I mean if or when we have a son he will be a mummy’s boy “oh so your planning a another baby are you “mischiefly grinned Nanji

“NO” He said. Ryuota as he looked at the ground, in a slighty sulking manner.

>>3810038
A dragonfly zips through the air and darts right past Chitiko and her parents. Its flies right into and through the reeds, towards that eerie and bizarre noise. Chitiko, in all her childhood innocence, Chases the dragonfly off the course of the path, through the rice fields. Ryuota and Nanji chased after Chitiko screeching at her to come back, but she was to ahead of them to hear, and she was enjoying chasing the bug.

They started to frantically panic as it was getting dark and dusk was about to settle.

There is velvet, skyline was breaking on the horizon, and nightfall was coming.

As the segmented part of the dragonfly tail brushes past the reeds, Chitiko sees it in plain sight, as it lands onto a beam of an un-sturdy burgundy bridge. Chitiko tries to stop suddenly but slowly, grinds to a halt.

A few pebbles rolls into the stagnated water below.

Chitiko looks in wonder, and awe, of this incredible insect with its shiny metallic wings and body. Ryuota and Nanji are panicking as they can only vaguely see their daughter by the corroding bridge.

They both rush towards Chitiko rushing and clambering through the dense and thick reeds, desperately shouting for her as the fear and anxiety intensify, for it will be dark soon.

A sudden fog rolls from the mountains in the distance as dark clouds gather even nearer. A rumble of thunder echoes in the background, even it was sunny and warm. Everyone can taste the electricity in the air.

>>3810023
alright, i'll be honest. i was intending to troll you, but apparently you really put a lot of heart in this, no matter how much it sucks.
the problem with the text is that it not only contains a lot of spelling errors, but also the writing style or rather the lack thereof. i can't even take examples out of the text because everything you just pasted is simply bad, no matter whether spelling errors exist or not.
the narrator just states things the reader has to believe, like this: "He is a samurai warrior, and they were not allowed to show emotion"
while this may be true, maybe elaborate on this a bit more? his internal struggle with this codex and all that jizz.

also this kind of time jump seems to be taken out of a movie, where it would work, but not in a novel, at least not in this way.

now you can delude yourself into thinking i'm just another 'hater' or maybe take another long good look at your text and maybe, just maybe decide to not go through with trying to publish it just yet.

>>3810040
The dragonfly suddenly lifts off and that noise is becomes more and more distinctive. They both see Chitiko dash across the rickety old bridge. In a moment of blind panic, the adrenalin kicks into over drive they chase after Chitiko. The ground suddenly begins, to violently shake, as the get to the clearing they both see the bridge that has probably stood for a hundred years start to dismantle with Chitiko on it. Ryuota picks up Nanji in his arm by his waist in his rippling forearm and bicep. In a moment of faith, he stops adrenalin pumping, leaps forward, hop skips and jumps through the bridge, rolls in mid-air and land on his back protecting his wife, who he loves more than anything in the world does. He slides onto the floor covering his back in dust and dry mud.

They both get up screaming for Chitiko and looking for her everywhere.

Out the corner of their eye’s, they both see the bridge corroding away, they both turn around, and watch the bridge slowly disintegrate and collapse, before there very eyes slipping away, stone by stone, piece by piece, into the foul smelling stagnated water below.

Chitiko silently stood in a confused and bewildered state, completely oblivious to what just happened. She lifts up her tiny child’s hand and points and says in a uncharacteristic and angelic voice “Look”

A boy no older than six years old was crying on a riverbank. His cries where, so loud they were, being heard echoing through the valley where he sat. Then he got up, stood with one hand in his mouth slightly drooling. His rags were covered in dirt, ripped & stained clothing, his feet were grey his hair was scruffy and sticking out were he had been sleeping ruff, obviously for a while.

For everyone who was standing there for that short amount of time felt so sorry for that poor, street urchin. They all knew something bad happened to him.

>>3810042
WAIT. til I get to, the pirates bit. Its dark

>>3810046
Chitiko stood with her parents behind her and said, in a calm and pleasant manner,

“Don’t worry, we will find your parents. My name is Chitiko. This is my mother Nanji and my father Ryuota. What’s your name?” As she approached him, she wiped away his tears, leaving a clean line down his face, were she wiped away the dirt. “My name is Takehiko” he replied slightly sobering, still with his lips quivering. “My family said they couldn’t keep me any more so I had to fend for myself. Then they pulled out of the bank, then bad men came, they were all pirates. My family were, taken up the river, and they seemed very sad and they were crying as the bad men took them away. Before the left me, the bad men said your family will never return, I watched as I hid in the reeds” everyone came closer to Takehiko, wrapping there arms around him to make him feel better. It did not change a thing.

Meanwhile back at the farmhouse …

As Onoryuku-suke stokes the fire, Kanji gracefully sits watching him quietly admiring the man she loves. A sudden sharp electric pain shoot across her whole body, she stands up in agonising pain. She pulls herself upright and water gushes from her undergarments as if she dropped a big bowl of water. ”ARGH” She screams. “Okay, okay, um, um,” Onoryuku-suke panics “Um, um okay the baby’s coming”

“YOU REALLY THINK SO”! She said between her gritted teeth with much resentment.

“I need to get some rags!” Onoryuku-suke does not know if he is coming or going at this point.

“Just breathe my love, we’ll get through this, and we always do” Onoryuku-suke ushers Kanji and gently lays her onto the wooden panel floor holding onto her hand.

>>3810047
A COUPLE HOURS

LATER

“ARGH, Onoryuku-suke something is not right ARGH” Kanji screams in a worried state.

“Come on Kanji push, everything is fine! You are doing great! Now push! “ Onoryuku-suke said with complete reassurance.

“I cant, I can’t! Something is not right please! Please stop! Something… Something … I want the the baby to be called.. Listen, to me Onoryuku-suke… I want the baby to be called… Onoryuku-suke please listen to me… I love you… ARGH! I want the baby to be called…. ARGH, Onoryuku-suke… Listen to me, and love her as much as you love me, Onoryuku-suke… I want the baby to be called Onoryuku-suke listen… I want the bay to be called…

Onoryuku“.

Kanji passes out. Onoryuku-suke turns towards her and concentrates, he pushes her, limp legs up into an upward position and revealing, the crown of the baby, grips the head and pulls it from Kanji. As the baby girl starts to scream, a rumble of thunder echoes through the valley “Kanji, look, Kanji look “he places his hand on her shoulder and her legs and head crash onto the floor.

A bolt of lightening licks the blue sky light.

He puts his right hand, on her left shoulder, cradling the baby with the other arm.

“Kanji ?” Onoryuku-suke said suspiciously.

Knowing something was not right. When his wife’s, leg crashed on the floor.

“Kanji, look we have a beautiful baby girl!, Kanji!”

In a moment that seems an eternity, he knows something is not right “Kanji!” saying, hoping, that this is not the worse. “Please wake up my love! We have a baby girl together, please wake up, please!” each time saying this he weeps more and more.

He looks at her and realises.

She has died, during childbirth.

Darkness & numbness fills the room, everything is silent, suddenly.

>>3810049
“I don’t know what to do, I cannot do this on my own! I need you!” trying not to look at the women who he has forever loved, wiping his tears away. “I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to call her!. “

A rumble thunder breaks the skyline and through the thick clouds, he sees a dark blue sky and the stars are as white as diamonds, glistening behind a velvet blue sheet.

“Onoryuku” He breathed knowing, full well, that was, the last word that came from his loving wife’s lips.

“I shall call you, Onoryuku“ Onoryuku-suke, said with a lump in his throat.

The River Bank

As the fog slowly creeps into the shore Ryuota, places Chitiko arms around his neck to hold onto cross the wretched, vile water. As they move out of the pond. Into a fast-paced stream, the current intensifies. Chitiko struggles to hold on, but safely scrambles to the other side. “Wait in the thick reeds okay Chitiko? Do not move until me, and your mother return. I have to bring Takehiko back here call him over to the reeds, QUIETLY!” Ryuota says with warning, whispering tone to his voice.

Darkness falls throughout the land. The fog is now a thick blanket, making it more of a struggle to get back in a straight line to Takehiko and Nanji, as they are being, trying to be quiet as they can.

The smell of the pond is getting worse with each stroke, due the rancid mud being stirred up with every stride that Ryuota takes. The bridge collapsing did not help the smell. “Nanji!” he whispers “Nanji, Takehiko! Over here!“ The reply sounded a bit distant. Ryuota is over 10 feet away from them. Ryuota slowly crouches towards them on the bank, moving swiftly and keeping low and out of sight “Nanji, I’m going tell you the same thing that I told Chitiko. Wait in the reeds till I come back”

“But, why?” Nanji hastily asked.

>>3810053
Ryuota covers Takehiko’s ears. Ryuota leaned over to her, she can just make out the silhouette of Ryuota he mouthed to express the words “The Pirates!” Ryuota gently whispered whilst still holding to the sides of Chitiko’s head. “I am still not strong enough to get to the other side. Put the children on first then come back for me, I still be here waiting in the reeds”

Takehiko clambers onto the back of Ryuota and starts to choke him before they are fully into the water “Takehiko you are hurting me, Please lessen your grip, I cannot hardly breathe“

Ryuota gently squawks.

Takehiko whispers to him “I’m sorry, but I’m scared”.

A piece of weed attached to a rock slowly wraps around Takehiko’s leg the strong current makes it tighter. Making the child entangled and helpless. Until Takehiko, yanks Ryuota back, choking him take getting more and more tangled up, in this under water web.

Ryuota panics “TAKEHIKO!” He suddenly dives under water only using his instinct of touch to try in find him. Until he re-surfaces, inhaling a deep, gawping breath, looking around trying desperately to find this child.

The current of the river slows down.

Ryuota is about to dive back in the murky river.

The river seems peaceful.

Suddenly an explosion of movement and even worse noise erupts out of the water. Takehiko shouts, “HELP, HELP!”

“I’m coming” Ryuota scrambles to Takehiko who scapers onto Ryuota’s back the piece of weed that entangled his legs breaking off. They gently get to the other side.

>>3810057
Now with visibility was limited, the darkness was not making things any more bearable. In, fact it, was doing the opposite. Takehiko whispered for Chitiko. The current swept them even further away from where she was, “Over here “she whispered. Ryuota kneeled down to him making his head level with his and said “Do not worry we will take you to Ryuota-suke’s home” He smiled at Takehiko and said “Just look after everyone until I get back, okay ? “ As he finished his sentence, he winked at the child making him feel more reassured and a tiny bit braver. “Now go “He rushes to Chitiko into the thickness and safety of the reeds.

Until they return.

“I have to go back for your mother, Chitko. Then we can get you both out of those wet clothes, you as well Takehiko okay? “

Looking at them both he feels somewhat sombre for some reason he cant comprehend, he feels a sense of urgency to rush back to Nanji. The fog is heavier, thicker than ever, and he feels it is more and more of a struggle than ever to navigate his way, back to his wife. Through the riverbank, towards the pond a silence falls.

A grey silhouette emerges from the fog a bow. An old tribal Japanese samurai mask is on the front to warn the people of the land.

“The bad men are here” eerily sounds Takehiko. The ship appears on the silent ripples of the water, laced like snakes on the hull. ”Look a straggler “

>>3810061
A vile, slobbering overweight man. Is stood there, holding onto the mast wearing stained clothes made out of cattle and sheepskin and an obviously stolen samurai sword. He wears boots with holes in. With his left hand on the sword, and in the right hand he points with giant drum leg of some poultry, pointing at Ryuota.

“Ryuota!” Nanji screams out to him hoping he can swim any faster.

However, he is too tired through the raging water, which unfortunately for him subsided. Chitiko and Takehiko watch in horror as the boat keeps on drawing closer and closer. The other pirates on the boat look more than pleased to hear a women’s voice, most of them lick their black stump like teeth.

“You! Over there, get the vines! Haul them onboard! You lot take care of the man, and, I’ll take care of the women” a he sinisterly starts to grin, rubbing his stubble, & licking his lips.

Nanji dashes in the wretched smell oozing pond hoping to bring Ryuota to shore, but she is too late.

One of the pirates has placed the vine around Ryuota’s neck, and is hoisting him on board the deck with his feet dangling and kicking the ship.

“Ryuota!” Nanji screams as she heinously attempts to get to Ryuota. However, she knows her efforts are in vain. One pirate reaches for a rigid, serrated knife, tears into Ryuota neck, and retracts it, a burst of blood sprays from his neck like a ruby fountain. This pirate keeps on repeating, tearing & hacking flesh, carving his neck like a pumpkin

Ryuota tries to gasp for air, mouthing to Nanji to keep away. Nevertheless, it does not work, the most horrifying thing is. The two children watch this murder happen. Chitko and Takehiko can see it in plain sight Chitiko pulls Takehiko’s head in to her chest.

>>3810065
Okii inu, that vile, slobbering man is the head pirate. He roars to the others “where is that woman! If you cannot see her I suggest you find her" He suddenly, goes up to one of the pirates.

“Where is she? “The pirate shrugs he shoulders. Okii inu points behind him, the pirate turns around, and Okii inu snaps his neck.

The rest of the pirates scramble to find her, by shining their lanterns over the boat. One of them leans over the boat. Looks down, Nanji is there, but the pirate cannot see her because it is to dark.

Suddenly he gets a glimpse of Nanji’s silhouette. He drags her on board kicking and screaming by her hair.

Nanji on board, she is shoved and pushed to every pirate. Then has been dragging her by her hair to pillar to post, cheering.

Chitiko watches her father’s body is now just violently twitching, legs still kicking as his body, goes into shutdown. With every twitch being more and more elongated, she knows he is already dead, but she knows there is nothing she can do.

Tears streak down her face, she suddenly, notices Ryuota’s body, she collapses in fear and in terrible emotional pain, and she is numb.

Okii inu, picks Nanji up the off the floor by her hair, slaps her across the face, with all the rest of the pirates cheering.

He picks an old clay relic and slams it into her face, she falls to the floor, as she is laying there, she is trying desirably, to get back up, and also trying, not only to pick the pieces out of her face. As her blood trickles, from her face. Onto the deck Okii inu. Steps back, letting four pirates, come forward each one grabs a limb kicking, punching and biting her.

Chitiko watches in horror as her mother is being mauled by these low life animals.

>>3810068
With Ryuota on the floor Okii inu puts his feet on his shoulders and his hands on his chin and in one swift move pulls his head off walks over to Nanji and says “ this man should of give you heads up “ the ship bellows with laughter. They all start to remove their clothing and start to tie her vertically with the vines. Five pirates grab a vine, one for each limb, and one her head. One pirate slams her head against the mast wrapping it the tight, so hard she can feel her pulse pumping against the reed.

The rest if the pirates wrap the reeds around her ankles, and tie her wrists behind her back, punching her. Okii inu goes up to her with the cartilage of her former lover still on his hand and wipes it on her face. “Looks like you know him now, inside, as well as out”

Nanji spits in face.

Oki inu steps back in pure shock, and boots her right up the rib cage. Then rushes forward, draws his short sword and repeatedly stabs her in the neck.

Two pirates toss Ryuota’s headless corpse overboard feet first, it instantly submerges as it enters the water, this will be the last thing Chitiko see’s as her father’s hand, as it slips into the water.

Chitiko sits there shaking amongst the water lilies, and the reeds.

Takehiko puts his hand on her shoulder, gives her a gentle nod as if everything will work out for the best, but they both know it will not be.

The two children watch as sit, in the freezing mud, as the ship is just a flicker of dim light in the background. Takehiko stand’s up “we must move can I come stay with you for a couple of days?”

Chitiko has just a thousand yard stare, she pick her self up with out saying a word, & freezes, dead her tracks.

Something has moved next to her leg, and now it is sticking to her.

A million thoughts race through her mind. A snake, a piece of her parents clothing, or even a piece of her parents them selves.

Lucky for Chitiko it is the map now the can get home.

>>3810042
Sorry. but had to, delete ! Someone say they was going to steel it in facebook message !

All I will say. Mate. Is that, you only read the very start. The rest is. So much better, and dark. Dont juge yet

>>3810084
okay, go on with deluding yourself. please keep us updated with this trainwreck.
should you self-publish it on kindle or whatever, i would even buy it, should it be reasonably priced, just for the perverse glee of reading something that could be written by a hebephrenic.

>>3809781
> Do you know how hard it is to deal with a parent figure utterly failing in front of you, but they dont know it while you do?
I know this, anon. I really do.

>>3809873
> Even some made in hong kong. Are based in japan.
No, they are not. Chinese people hates Japan, why the fuck they would make a film based in Japan? Unless it's a movie about China being invaded by Japan. Also, say Bruce Lee movies are popular in Japan as a reason to tell a story takes place in Japan makes no sense, Avatar is popular in Japan, yet I don't see people writing a book about Japan because they grew up watching Avatar.

Wait guys. What if the "OP" is actually a writing project that someone on here is doing as an experiment? If this is true...you are a great writer...

>>3810084
> Mate. Is that, you only read the very start. The rest is. So much better
Dear OP, let's say you book is published. Now I just finished reading those very sentences you posted here to see if I would or not I buy it. I can clearly tell you I didn't like it, I find it bad and boring. But as you told that anon, you tell me it get better later. Do you really think I would buy your book after dislike what I read because you promised me it get better late? How the fuck do you expect me to believe in you after not being able to give even a good intro? You didn't believe in that anon when he told you to fix your novel, yet you want people to believe in you.

Really, re-edit your novel if you want anyone that is not your friend to buy your novel. We can read some pages before buying books, you know, better make a great intro so people will want to read more than promise people the book will get better later.

>>3810094
If I want the opinion of asshole. I woul'dve farted. Thank you. VERY much. Mate.
>>3810095
Who, are you even, talking to ?
>>3810121
Bla bla bla this, is not a Geography Lesson Ha Ha
>>3810130
So you liked it And, think I am. A great writer ? Thanks man :-)
>>3810159
HA HA you did'nt read it LOL I went for, a shower after, Allready deleting it. And now You have, just posted that. Pull the, other one ! And ok kl kl YOU right something better, then ? people Will beleive in me I will show them I said this, Allready !

And shows, what YOU know. MATE. People who, HATE ME, allready said they suprised at me. And. Will be buying it. Now either write something better or dont bother.

>>3810180
And yeah. Ok. Gramar nazis I know I said, right for write. But. If you look proper you will see. I wrote write the second time. So its, just a typo. Thanks.

This thread shows true dedication to craft. OP you should adopt a trip, if you continue with this kind of quality trolling you have the opportunity to assume a place alongside Sunhawk and Stan in /lit/ culture.

>>3808945
>right click
>mac
Pick one

>>3810184
I'm sorry buy how can you still say he's trolling? Did you not see the pages upon pages of his "novel" (before he deleted them)? He didn't just pull them out of nowhere. This guy is deluded. Simple as that.

>>3810184
Bla bla bla troll call. Again. Say something, new. LOL
>>3810190
What the fuck, mate ?

>>3810203
Hay. Thanks for not, saying Im a troll. But. Fuck you with that, deluded ballshit.

I'm going to buy this book and give it to someone I hate for Christmas.

>>3810220
Why coz its so, dark and maccabre ?

>>3810180
> HA HA you did'nt read it L
You can't be this dumb.
http://fuuka.warosu.org/lit/thread/S3808285#p3810121
All your deleted posts are there.

>>3810220
Actually, fuck it. I'll buy several copies. Then I'll invite several people I hate around for Christmas, be the perfect host, and then watch them squirm as they unwrap my gift to them - OP's terrible book.

They won't know how to react. It'll be awkward as fuck for them. And I'll be laughing inside.

>>3810226
No.

>>3810243
Hey what a dark and maccabre story! Someone should turn it into a book! Not OP though. He sucks.

>>3810242
Fucks sake !
>>3810243
Ha, so Funny. Look, everyone. Got a funny one, here !
>>3810247
Whatev
>>3810251
Fine. YOU, do better.

>>3810203
He simply laid his groundwork beforehand. That's what I mean by dedication to craft. There a lots of little cues that give away the fact that he's a troll.

>>3810251
It'll make OP's book cult because people will want to read this bad book that anon gave to the people he hates.

>>3810265
You're ruining the fun. I want to believe he's serious.

>>3810265
Is that you. ROMANIAN RICHARD ? Allways thought you were, a DICK LOL
>>3810268
You cant call. Something bad, untill you Read it
>>3810270
I am serious !

>THIS guy has written a book
What's your excuse, /lit/?
Fuck, what's MY excuse?
I know we all dream of, at least once, writing the YA fiction that we grew up reading.

>>3810265
Interesting concept, but how do you explain his friends/family/irl supporters of whatever description on that page who obviously know him?

And what about if you click on his regular fb page? Seems genuine no? Quite a few friends, interactions with people who know him, same....unusual...style of writing?

>>3810286
Human decency.
Write a book when you're ready. Christ.
Would you record an album having just picked up a recorder and consider it a great accomplishment?
OP, this is the equivalent of trying to beatbox playing a recorder when you're tone deaf and have listened to Manfred Mann once.

... It'll be a cult hit.

bigots, the lot of you

i think youre very special op :-)

>>3810286
Thanks for the positivety Mate its good to dream. Is'nt it ? Most ppl can sit there slagging My book off. But. Wheres there book ? lmfao
>>3810292
Dont worry. I am thankfull that You, are proving me Real. But its kl coz end of day, yeh. WHOSE gonna be laughing when I sell copys of my book ? Me !

>>3810298
Thanks. Thats a nice Comment :-) Like My Page ?
>>3810299
Thank you sweetheart. Pls Like My Page ;-) <3

>>3810310
wats in it for me hot stuff ;-) ??

>>3810321
PM me ;-) x

>>3810337
i don't have facebook, babe, how big is your dick

>>3810340
10 inches yeh ! Well. Get facebook !

this would be an awful trelling attempt if OP wasn't such a goddamn boss

you know, francis, sidelining further diagonosis, your dyslexia is endearing to say the least, almost rapeably so

Is this real guys?

Can I get a signed copy?