/lit/ - Literature

>>3707072

Check wingspanpress

And then engage a proof reader and style corrector. Check Lulu for many providers.

>>3707072
>Australia
>not the hardest place in the world to write about
The predominant theme of Australian living is boredom; this theme is well-known as the least accessible in the world. You're cautioned to ignore the young adult audience, if you want to create something literary. If not, well, it should all be pretty straightforward.

I'd read it, man.

>>3707090

>boredom; this theme is well-known as the least accessible in the world

it's our garbage of a culture and lack of meaningful tradition that is the real problem

Binge drinkin culture is what fucks it all up. I can't bond with anyone I don't get shitfaced with. Don't know what it is. On Saturday had a few drinks, had a nice meal, played some board games, drinking the whole time. Feeling refined. Nek minute, realize I am belting out your the voice and other shit teir tunes someone put on. Just turned 30. When do I stop doing this?

>>3707072
>self-publishing
pls

>>3707103
thanks tao

>>3707103
We're not remiss of authors or artists, given our population. The thing is, most successful Australian works deal in some way with ennui, and it's always a primary theme; our culture's only garbage when you think of it as necessarily distinct from its roots. If you think of it as a British Diaspora that was trying to distinguish itself from its origins, but is now, in the face of globalization, left with too little in the way of personal identity - without relying on Britain - to describe itself as having a valid culture in the context of the world's mix-pot, it becomes slightly more interesting. If you only think of the Australian in the context of its extrication from the Britisher, and every other cultural form, it is a nearly meaningless object, because that extrication is unnecessarily stripping away the fundaments of the British Australian's cultural identity, illusively leading you to believe that that identity contains next-to-nothing. Of course, it's for the most part just a big mine and a big dock, but there's no need to define the Australian in terms of Australia alone (unless they're aboriginal, of course).

>>3707117
This is a troll post, yes?

>>3707135
More like a drunk post.

Is the Australian accent the only accent more annoying than the American? Also, post excerpts, OP.

>>3707135
No not drunk or troll. Binge drinkers drink on the weekend. There were about nine people there. Only really knew three of them well. Others I had met once. Never had dinner with the newer folk, I know we were all better mates in the morning. But it's always the same. Starts out classy, grilled snapper we caught fishing, pork belly the bitches cooked because master chef is cool apparently. (don't get me started on Australia and food ATM). Expensive wine because my bro is a wine rep. But then wheels fall off cause iPod puts on somthing random. Then a.d.d kicks in for some and it's control the iPod time.

>>3707153
>The american accent

Uh, which?

The range of accents in America is huge. Just like in Britain and probably most every country.

>>3707155
>The range of accents in America is huge.
No it isn't.
>Just like in Britain and probably most every country.
No, not at all like in Britain. As far as accents go, all of America is smaller than one random county in Britain.

(Nothing to be ashamed of, BTW; having a unified accent is a sign of a mature, literate language and functioning education system.)

OP here.

Excerpt from chapter 9, nearing the end of the book. Henry (the MC) is talking to his Judo instructor Dimitry, who is Russian.

When the free practice started Dimitry called me over and we sat down together, away from the other boys. He lowered his head and looked me in the eyes.
“I hear what happen today. Is not problem. You do good. But, Mother worried. I say, Judo good. She say, you need special training. I say, all training special. She say, you need to learn how not fight. I say, Judo is gentle way, we never fight.”
I was getting the picture. Dimitry had an interesting way of telling stories. I always enjoyed listening to him.
“You small, but you tough. I tell mother, but she still worried. I say, Sergei get into many fights, no problem. He use Judo, nobody get hurt. This karate kid is stupid, he deserve broken hand. Don’t worry. I teach you to be strong.”
I had questions, important questions. Judo hadn’t failed me, but I wondered if I would have fared better if I had known how to punch and kick.
“What if I get jumped by 10 kids?” I asked.
“You not fight.”
“What if they grab you and pin you against a wall?”
“You not fight.”
“What if they throw things at you?”
“You not fight.”
Sometimes Dimitry was as perplexing as Neris.
“Then what do I do?”
Dimitry stood up.

>>3707162
>New England
>NYC (Bronx, Brooklyn, Long Island, Queens) Not to mention the rest of the state
>New Jersey
>Carolinas
>Virginas
>Florida

That's one coast with lots of easily identifiable and unique sounds. Identifiable from someone who lives in the country, too.

Then there's
>South and North California
>Texas
>Alabama
>New Mexico
>Washington
>Georgia
>Oklahoma
>Minnesota
>Wisconsin
>Michigan
>etc.

Every state aside from Rhode Island due to size has multiple easily discernible accents. I've taken a lot of road trips and moved quite a bit in my day. I've experienced it first hand.

>replying to troll posts

Its late and I'm procrastinating.

>>3707154
>Starts out classy
>grilled snapper we caught fishing
This isn't the default Australian lifestyle; you're from a low cultural class, however much you earn. Most Australians think they're rich, really; it's a genuine quirk; the behavioural dominion in this country is not owned by the culturally elite or even the educated; everyone just picks a lifestyle and a group and then judges everyone else for not being a part of it, which is pretty normal, except that in Australia it's got nothing to do with money. Some of the most fun you can have is watching uppity British people attempt to talk down to Australians whose income, they fail to realize, probably exceeds theirs twofold.

Pt 2.

He took me to the corner and called out to his son.
“Sergei, come!”
Sergei walked over to us. He moved like a tank. Dimitry and Sergei were those men that would walk through a train station or shopping mall and the crowd would just part before them out of fear of being crushed.
“Sergei, we teach Henry how not fight.”
Sergei nodded. Dimitry grabbed Sergei by the lapel of his Judo gi and pinned him against the wall. Sergei turned sideward, ducked under Dimitry’s arm and literally walked away. He did a few different grabbing and striking combinations. Every time Sergei just ducked, weaved, or turned away, escaping without doing much of anything.
“You understand Henry?” Dimitry said.
“Not fight. Move. Up, down, left, right, forward, back. Move. Move. Move.”
He gestured to Sergei.
“Okay. Henry you try.”
Sergei grabbed me like his father had grabbed him, and I did exactly as I had seen. It was easy. I felt like an eel just slipping out of someone’s grasp. I didn’t do it as well as Sergei, but it worked.
“See Henry,” Dimitry said. “Is easy. Not fight. Win.”
I was having fun, but he grabbed both of us and pushed as back onto the mat.
“Okay. Enough not fight. Now we fight.”
Dimitry walked out between us. We were facing each other. The big man chopped his hand down. This was the signal to start.
“Hajime!” he called in Japanese, which meant ‘begin’.
We bowed and Sergei and I started circling each other, looking for an opening. Sergei launched in, grabbed my lapel, and threw me over his back. I hit the ground hard, but broke my fall. The impact reverberated through the dojo.
“Good. Okay. Again,” Dimitry shouted.
I could only smile. The exercise took my mind off everything else.

Pt 3. (Neris is the girl he confessed to)

I had enjoyed the class, more so than ever. Mother had picked me up and talked to Dimitry again. I realised Dimitry had many things he could teach me, I just needed to ask. This line of thought triggered another epiphany. I still had Rhea’s email address. All I needed to do was ask. I walked over to Dimitry and my mother.
“How did it go Henry?” she said.
“Good.”
Dimitry ruffled my hair.
“You need to cut hair. You look like girl.”
Maybe he was right. I didn’t really remember the reason I was growing my hair long.
“Yes Sensei,” I replied.
“Remember Henry. Not fight. Win.”
“Yes Sensei.”
I left with mother, feeling much better. The third confession with Neris still plagued my mind, but the physical exercise had been a good change of pace. I sat in mother’s car with Rhea’s address in my mind. Maybe I could get Neris’ address through her...

OP here.

Chapter 3 excerpt - Henry gets caught retaliating against some bullies.

The three bullies on the bench were too far away to see my expression clearly. Had they seen my malicious smile, they probably would have run. I raised the orange up for them to see.
“HAVE AN ORANGE!” I yelled, pulling back my arm and hurling it straight at them.
I wasn’t aiming for anyone in particular, just generally throwing it in their direction. Well, I guess that was a bit of a lie. I think subconsciously I was aiming for the head of the kid who had thrown it. In a fountain of orange juice the structurally compromised orange exploded across the kids face and covered his friends in sticky liquid and fruit shrapnel. The kid’s expression just before the orange had hit him had burned itself into my mind, and the shout of fright from his friends had been intensely satisfying. I stood there gloating. I wanted to burst out laughing, a maniacal laugh that would ring in everyone’s ears for the rest of the school day. I didn’t, but I still couldn’t wipe the self-satisfied smile off my face.

>>3707172
Is Dimitry's name spelt wrong for a reason? His broken English is too exaggerated. Only Asians fuck it up that badly. In my experience, Russian speakers tend to manage their way around English pretty well, except that they sometimes drop their conjunctions and their A's and The's. Also, you're being way too melodramatic, and you could use some practise all around. That should be enough advice for a 4chan post.

Pt 2.

Unluckily, Ms.Hockney, the English teacher, had been passing by at just the wrong time.
“HENRY! COME HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!” she called out to me.
She sounded uncannily like my mother.
“Ohhh shit,” I muttered under my breath.
I walked towards her and the stricken bullies.
“What do you have to say for yourself young man? Throwing food is unacceptable.”
Should I say something to my defence or keep quiet? I was weighing up the possible outcomes of both strategies. Saying something in my defence had not worked previously. Last time I had tried that, the teacher had looked for corroborating stories from other ‘witnesses’. The other kids didn’t want to stand up for me and possibly become a target of the bullies themselves, so they kept quiet. I was angry at the time, but I understood their feelings. This situation was my fault and I could have handled it better.

>>3707176
>he has absolutely no idea what truly variant accents sound like
Mate, prior to standardization, Britons more than five miles divided could hardly understand each other.

Pt 3.

I looked up at Ms.Hockney’s face, which sat atop a rotund body that ambled instead of walked.
“Sorry Miss,” I said simply.
She wagged her finger at me, while the bullies pulled faces behind her.
“Don’t do it again young man. Now shake hands with Joshua.”
I don’t really understand what teachers and parents thought shaking hands would accomplish. It always humiliates the victim and gave the bully a psychological edge for the next encounter. It didn’t bother me though. Like water off a ducks back, I would repeat to myself. Joshua wasn’t quite done with me yet though. He left me hanging, my hand stretched out in friendship. He turned to Ms.Hockney.
“I’m scared Miss. He might squeeze my hand to hard. Henry is always bullying everyone.”
Ms.Hockney was dense. Unlike wily Mr.Williams, she had no clue about kids and how they treated each other. She was eating up Joshua’s words. I wondered if that was how she became so pudgy, eating up everyone’s bullshit.
“Henry, this behaviour is unacceptable. I will have to make a note of this and talk about it with your parents at the next parent-teacher night.”
Do what you want, you fat bitch. Mother would make a scene about it at home. Father was too busy with work to care. Joshua had succeeded; he had hurt me with this. I felt shame for falling for such a crude goading. My arm was still hanging in the air and Joshua was sneering at me.

>>3707176
>That's one coast with lots of easily identifiable and unique sounds. Identifiable from someone who lives in the country, too.
Sure, you can play Sherlock Holmes and try to figure out someone's provenance by the minute differences in vowel articulations.

But really, don't be an ass. Just visit Britain or watch a British movie for once.

Britain is the place where English originated, it's only natural that it has more linguistic diversity.

>>3707200
Although the Boston thing with the mispronounced r's is kind of wacky. no pretending.

>>3707200
I never said it had less linguistic diversity than the states. Look at my first post. I mention Britain. I know a lot of brits from all corners of the country. I was simply stating that America doesn't have a single homogeneous enunciation

>>3707212
Neither does Australia, but a simplistic term like 'Australian accent' still has enough meaning to be recognizable, as does the term 'American accent', whereas 'British accent' is more complicated and its utterances more due their censure.

>>3707173
So is the judging tall poppy syndrome or is it more like some other group mentality?
I wouldn't say I am wealthy, and no one where I grew up/live is poor either. Solid middle class here not lower or upper. Not everyone has a boat but one guy did so we could go catch the fish ofshore, we stayed in a beach house some guy lent us, probably worth a million, but though modern, it's still a modest home. ( best book on his shelf was man in the high castle, along with a lot of other crap and a few ok teir novels) The thing is, like it or not, binge drinking is our culture. I hardly know anyone who doesn't do it at my age. There are people who do it less often but the ones who dont are athletes/sport minded or god people, an they all did it at one point. Ennui probably is the cause of it. It must be given the cost of alcohol. It's why I drink. Felt like shit and depressed today.

>>3707189
I thought it was over done. That's some good advice given right there on how to do it.

>>3707232
Maybe it's because I live here and have been exposed to as many differing accents, but I seriously don't see america has having a single sound to its speech. Way too much difference. I mean, NorCal to brooklyn alone is a dramatic difference.

>>3707153

South African accents are objectively the most annoying in the world.

>>3707251
South Ifrika is fulla blick men.

>>3707249
people usually think that american accent is californian with hard rs

teacherrrr instead of TEACHAAAAAAAA (brit)

>>3707251
That and they are all fucked in the head. Lucky most of them stay in Perth. Always saying how good SA or Rhodesia is, well why did you leave? We all know why...

>>3707257
Oh ok. I guess the national news and Hollywood non-regional thing they cultivate would be it? I suppose I should have figured that out earlier.

>>3707251
Nah, South Africans still sound better than Americans.

Ask a kiwi or a safa with a strong accent to say stick insect. Or ask a safa to say prostitute

>>3707262
Nah that's stupid. Talk to some in person, not what you hear on tv. Americans sound better in real life. South Africans do not sound like Leonardo dicaprio in blood diamond

>>3707262

yolandi is a shit cunt rat bitch

Uh, the irony.

OP here. Born in South Africa, British Father, German Mother, and live in Australia.

My English accent is a mix between South African, British, and Australian English, with a hint of German pronunciation.

Unique doesn't even begin to describe my pronunciation.

>>3707287

You've my deepest sympathies.

>>3707239
The judging is just human nature, coupled with the frankness-of-speech that our culture recommends. Binge drinking is part of our culture, yeah, but it's not unique to our culture, and it can be handled with dignity if you're raised well enough. The trouble is: Given that we're taxed out the ass, we treat alcohol like it's something precious, and we over-celebrate it; we rush to do a great deal with what little supply we've got. I'm not quite with you, I think, in terms of your complaint about our society's alcoholism, as I think the problem is a little overstated (our media is among the first world's most sensationalist), and that we're, at this point in our development, acting a little too nervously, analysing and critiquing ourselves all the time, trying to build ourselves in some kind of perfect image that's, we all know, determined by how socially impressive we can be to our biggest importers. It is a boring country, no doubt, with month-long blue skies and a lack of any direction that isn't tied in exactly with capitalist narratives, and you can understand why that makes people desperate to entertain themselves, and perhaps you'll be tempted to take alcoholism in rural communities as a diagram for how things might go elsewhere, if the taxes aren't on tight, but the trouble is, with me, simply, is that this cultural control is making us all look stupid, internationally. You've got a burgeoning academic population that's simply desperate to apologize for their national origins, and is now dominating leadership and is effecting aggression against everything 'traditional', and is reworking the Australian discourse as self-destructive, all as we try to appeal to all the different varieties of Imperialism - Chinese, American, British, and minor idols; Ireland, Germany, etc. - by dismantling ourselves and by remaking ourselves as this creature whose only definitive quality, thus far, is hyper-awareness. But, what's to be done?

>>3707289
I can't remember the first time I heard the term politically correct, I must have been a child. But since then all these things you mention only get more exaggerated. No strong leaders in parliament, the only people really trying to challange the status quo are bigots - Katter, and people with a big wallet and mouth - Palmer and reinheart. We don't care for any of them. We should probably recognize Australia pre 1770, but everyone is reluctant to do any more than that, because it could cost us money, but shit what are we paying out already and will giving those people responsibility change anything or make their lives better? Over half of my friends are trades people and they work FIFO. All have massive drinking issues, the exception is the American immigrant electrician who married an Aussie girl ad started a family. I like your opinion on the valuation of alcohol. I got 4 bottles of
Spirits on my birthday, only 3 real gifts. No one thought to get me a book or anything. Even my parents bought me scotch. It was my 30th.

>>3707072
>self-publishing
Why? Do you have low self-esteem? It's a terrible idea, unless you love marketing twice as much as you love writing.

Jesus Christ that was bad. Don't bother publishing, people will think it's shit. Read 'poor fellow my country' then you'll know what it is to be a true Australian author.

>>3707302

I write 2-3 books a year. I've got 7 completed manuscripts just sitting on my computer gathering virtual dust.

Publishing industry, especially in Australia is very fickle. Even if you do get published you only see a tiny percentage of the royalties.

Recently, I spoke to a friend of my fathers who has been self-publishing for years. He has published dozens of books online (with his wife) and would never consider going back to lobbying publishers for a chance to get published.

Personally I say "What the heck!". I don't care about the money. I just want to get the main body of my work out there so I can further perfect my craft.

>>3707306
Here's the link to a synopsis of the greatest Australian novel ever:

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/booksandartsdaily/australian-classics-bookclub--poor-fellow-my-country/4154134

>>3707306

Anything that was bad in particularly? Grammar, structure, theme, voice?

>>3707320
I didn't like the narration the most. It just seems kind of ... dumb? But I'm guessing it's suited to young adults or something so you may be able to pass it off as 'readable' with a bit more editing.

However, definitely boring, shallow and lacks consistent flow.

>Dimitry called me over and we sat down together
isn't it obvious you were together? Don't belittle your reader.

>>3707310

If you want freedom, you actually go to the publisher, not the other way around. They take your money for tasks a normal writer feels far too undignified to perform themselves - from typesetting and printing to advertising and negotiating shelf-space. Are you into all that plus full-time-job-grade self-promotion? No? Well, that's what the publishing fees are for.

Yes, publishers have quite a bit of control over you. Just like a porter has quite a bit of control over your luggage. You're not "lobbying" anyone, you're looking for a service.

Your work is likely ot be rejected due to numerous flaws, though. Don't be offended, but your writing is amateurish. But! Self-publishing will prevent you from working with professionals and improving yourself really fast. Through work with an editor, only a lousy talent will be decimated. A good writer, on the other hand, will learn fast and his style will flourish. Instead of adapting, you will find the publisher that suits you, and let them do the dirty work. Few publishers will normally take prose like yours - it's nice, but still an early draft in need of a rewrite.


Also, I am Russian. This is how Russians speak English. Your character is a caricature. I know you're not being anti-russian, on the contrary, but caricatures are a product of bad characterization, which is, again, grounds for editorial refusal.

>>3707326

Hmmm, I don't really understand what you mean.

In the previous paragraph the two characters are apart. Dimitry calls him over (so they are now in close proximity) and they sit down.

Looking at it critically I could omit 'together', but I feel it would detract from the rhythm of the sentence.

>>3707337
No, he's right. Let me elaborate on his point.

>When the free practice started[,] Dimitry called me over and we sat down together,
Together is not quite necessary indeed.
>away from the other boys.
1. This is unnecessary. The mains entence explains that already.
2. Is Dimitry one of the boys? He's a teacher, right? Grammar is botched.
>He lowered his head and looked me in the eyes.
Saying the same thing twice. The reader understands.

A REWRITE:
>When the practice started, Dimitry called me over. He looked me in the eyes and said:

>>3707344

Ah, I see what you mean.

Thanks

>>3707348
Please do not think that you're supposed to write like that right away, though.

1. First, you write however which way.
2. Then you sit down and rewirte the text, removing redundancy and improving clarity.

Remember: the reader who is not a writer themselves hates you a bit more for every word you use. If you are going to entertain the reader, cut everything and get to the point. Obviously, you don't have to do any of that if you're your own audience and you're writing int eh bathtub as you wait for the poison to start working.

>>3707298
We have a culture. Really. We don't need to be this afraid. The trouble is (and note; this is happening to most Imperialised, or low-population, countries), our academics have established an elite whereby cultural 'ascension' is gained by being decidedly unaustralian, by being a cosmopolite; an example of the 'cosmopolitan Australian', aside from the obvious, as in our hordes of actors and foreign 'diplomats', would be Julian Assange. What recognizable feature does he have but the 'hyper-awareness' that I mentioned earlier, even if he has it in appearance only?

>>3707358

And I was just considering suicide...

Just kidding. Thanks for the advice and help. I'll do some rewrites and see how it goes.

>>3707298

I don't drink - at all, but I am guilty of giving alcohol as a gift. A bottle of wine or spirits. It just seems like the best gift for a man. Giving a book or a game, or something more personal, is weighed down by the chance they won't like it. If it's a consumable they will consume it whether they like it or not.

Same thing with chocolates and girls. You cannot fuck up choosing chocolates for a girl; but holy shit, try giving a girl a piece of clothing or shoes. Breast size? Shoulder width? waist? WTF I'm going to the chocolate store...

>>3707403
>try giving a girl a piece of clothing or shoes. Breast size? Shoulder width? waist?
Do you even gentleman? Measure her breast size with your mouth, poach underwear for hip size.

>>3707448
I have been doing it all wrong!
>ahh yes she's like two and a half mouthfuls.
>Certainly sit your after a B cup

Every peice of clothing I have ever bought for a girl has been the wrong size.
>buying chocolate = your trying to make me fat
>buying wrong size clothing = you think I am fat, or for too small you have revealed my fatness - it's never flattering