/lit/ - Literature

>>3567162
Link for those who missed out on all the fun

That guy will surely deliver, right?

Sorry everyone. I deleted the epub and burned the book.

Posting in a Kharms thread.

That was one of the funniest threads I've ever seen.

This is now an official meme.
Congratulations everyone, we made art.
Special credit is due to Anonymous Iranman and Anonymous OP who did not deliver. They're the heroes we deserve.

Probably the scanner couldn't stand the absurdity of this book and broke down finally and definitely.

I just ordered it today (it will be dispatched tomorrow or the day after, apparently) and I have a scanner. I don't know how to convert images into ebooks, though.

>>3576689

In this case you could carbon copy the book. The guy who is crazy about it will surely appreciate your work.

The original OP stated that he'll upload the epub and pdf this afternoon.

It's now this afternoon.

>>3576707
Yeah, h sounded genuine about it too.

>>3576707
>It's now this afternoon.

Do you know the OP's time zone location? Maybe his afternoon isn't your afternoon?

>>3576729
He's from Great Britain or Portugal.

>>3576729
Guys, guys
We have to read OP's message in the context in which it was written. He said he would upload it. It. But, according to Khams, there is no 'it', so there is nothing to upload.
We are, in essence, discussing nothing. We should all just leave.

>>3576769
>and then they all left the thread. And that was it.

God damn it. I had planned to check it out and post little snippets without showing the ending. . Please upload this shit OP, I promise you my firstborn.

>>3576769

In terms of Kharms's absurdity you are absolutely right. But what about our honorable friend and his waiting for "this afternoon"?

>>3576689
If you just upload the scans in a .rar or .zip other people'd do the conversion

>>3576729
>>3576736
>>3576781
He might be going by 4chan time, so it's only 11am.

>>3576682
WTF. Is that a Russian bookshop? Look at the shelf below Kharms.

>>3576843
see >>3575368

>>3576852

What, your bookstore doesn't have liquor on the shelfs so people can drink while they browse?

>>3576855
Dunno then. Maybe he got held up at work? I doubt he would have gone to the trouble of making those and including that dedication page if he didn't want to upload it. He already has the book so there would be no point in putting that much effort in.

>>3576867
Unfortunately, I don't live in Russia or England.

>>3576878
Is it bad if Bernard Black is my role model

>>3576867
>What, your bookstore doesn't have liquor on the shelfs so people can drink while they browse?

Can you see the customers? No booze, no customers, no kharms. By the way, kharms seems to be a good alcohol bottle label. They can use such a slogan: 'it goes slow, but (ellipsis).'

The funniest conclusion of this whole thread would be if our overzealous Kharms's fan stated that he couldn't finish the book because it was boring and badly written.

>>3576899
Is he even here? The big irony is, he probably left 4chan after his last failed attempt.

>>3576886

>not making Manny your role model

>>3576886
>Is it bad if Bernard Black is my role model
Not at all. Bernard Black is a fine role model.

Have you seen any of Moran's stand up? I don't think Bernard is an act.

>>3576911
I have, I am violently in love with the man

>>3576906
I was thinking the same thing after he didn't seem to show up in the last thread.

>>3576911
I think he was type cast after this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArlsU2_cUbg

I just received a copy of it today. I have a massive backlog so it will take me a while to get to it.

Is it the sort of book you can pick up and put down randomly?

So I read "The Old Woman" from that mediafire link the other guy posted and was very impressed. the flash-fiction stuff seemed pretty hit or miss since I suppose a lot of it depends on clevernesses of language lost in translation but this was a really great short story. You don't often see such a poignant tale of ghoulish horror. Would read again despite my Central Asian dictatorship's proscriptions

>>3577000

It's a bunch of short stories, often just a paragraph or even just a few sentences. You can about it at your leisure.

>>3577018
Thanks. I always wanted to about something at my leisure!

>>3577000
>Is it the sort of book you can pick up and put down randomly?
Yeah. Most of the stories are absurd flash-fiction, but there are a few long ones in there.

>>3577025
Speaking from experience, try not to be to leisurely when abouting it.

Okay, it's afternoon now.

Fuck. I didn't even know who this guy was and now I want the book as well.

Now you know the power of marketing, /lit/.

>tfw no Daniil Kharms.

>>3577282
>tfw no Daniil Kharms.
It's just you, buddy.

The Soviet butt-baby of Albert Camus and Sinclair Lewis

Does Iranman know he's finally getting his book?

>>3577306
I don't think so. But at least that poor Turkmenistan guy will get it.

>>3577306
But he's not. No one is. It was all a ruse. The original OP was just Tao Lin in disguise.

>>3577313
>The original OP was just Tao Lin in disguise.
Tao would never take time away from promoting himself for this.

Day Three

Dear diary,
Today I read nothing.

>>3577262
>>3577278
indeed

I guarantee that OCR guy will pop up in a few hours with a plausible excuse for why it's not finished, provide a reassuring screenshot of the progress, and promise to let us have it tomorrow.

>>3577346

>>3577346
Fuck, this makes the most sense. I mean Iranman has been begging for almost a year and no one has scanned it for him. Why would that suddenly change?

>>3577404
Original OP is a good guy, with a good heart. You have to learn to start trusting people on the Internet.

>>3577404
Maybe OP is Iranman, who obtained the book and now wants to make us pay. So he markets it here, teases us with it's witty absurdity, all to get us hooked. Then he leaves forever...

>>3577474
What if Iranman is secretly Daniil Kharms and we've become a part of a viral marketing scheme?

>>3577493
That's a lot of work to make 50 bucks off the few that bought it here

>1: Buy Daniil Kharms book
>2: OCR book and make an epub
>3: Make everybody wait a month for it
>4: Promote the hell out of it so everybody wants it.
>5: Replace the last third of book with the last third of Laurie Penny's book
>6: Upload
>7: And that is it.

>>3577534
50 bucks is a fortune to an Iranian

>>3577541

Andrei Volchikov bought a book by Daniil Kharms. He scanned it and made an epub out of it. Then he waited a month before releasing it, but not before changing the last third of the book into a Laurie Penny text. Outside, a cat learned to whiny like a horse. And that's all there is to it.

>ftfy

>>3577541
>nobody notices
>yfw you realise nobody actually read it

>>3577551
...Kaji, is that you?

the book is like 12 bucks you guys

>>3577569
>the book is like 12 bucks you guys
We're on to you, Iranian Shylock.

>>3577569
An OCR is 0.

>>3577569
Yeah but we all live in third world dictatorships where this type of literature is banned.

>>3577609

I live in a second-going-into-third-world country where libraries only stock local books (or imported from countries with the same language) and translated booksellers.

>>3577616

bookstores, I mean, not libraries. false cognate

>>3577609
>Living in 1st world country, studying.
>Not being able to eat for a week if spent 12 bucks on the book.
>I'm still in the privileged classes that are able to study
>You have no notion of what is going on in the world

>>3577621
Yeah but at least you have the option to steal bourgeois scum.

OCRguy is dead. I wanted to start reading this tonight, and once again I have been deprived.

>>3577633

There's a rar file in the previous thread with old translations of the book. Everyone is just holding out for the good one.

>>3577630
As if the bookstores stock on foreign books, the world speaks more languages than fucking English

>>3577642
Yeah, I have read through a few of those shorts, but I was waiting to load the epub on to my nook, and fire that bad boy up while tucked up in bed. Hopefully it arrives tomorrow night.

>>3577690
Keep waiting idiot.

>>3577699
Have faith, little one. The OCR guy wouldn't have actually made the pdf and epub if he didn't intend to upload.

>>3577716
You still don't know what's going on, do you?

>>3577716
I don't want him to post it. As soon as he does there will be mention of Kharms on /lit/ again.

>>3577743
Hush, little one. Just have patience. Have you ever noticed a calm person with a loud voice? Try and speak softly once in a while.

guise

what if Iranman and OCR guy is the same person and we are all trolled?

>>3577783
That's dumb man. How can TWO people be the SAME person?

>>3577783
Nah. Iranman wouldn't have spent a year setting this up as a punchline. I suspect OCR guy is trolling us and Iranman though.

>>3577792

>>3577793
Was Iranman really begging for this for a whole year? I seem to remember first seeing the threads sometime in January..

>>3577907
Just had a look in the archive. He started begging in June 2012.

>>3577934

>>3577934
>>3577947
I bet this was him too. Sept 2010

>>3577985

>tfw he didn't deliver.

>>3578147
He will, give him a few more hours.

>>3578181
>give him a few more hours.
We have given him since Saturday. There is no Kharms book.

>>3578208
You shut you filthy fucking mouth! There is a book, and it's going to be brilliant.

>>3578228
I hope you're right, child.

at first i was like, who the fuck cares about some inconsequential no-body russian jutting brow cunt but then i read that one story about the dude who tried to go to sleep and missed his bed and knocked himself out and i was like, yo, i can dig.

>>3578503
>>3578503

Epic brow line is epic and I think he'll be the new Joyce.

>>3578514

I have a prominent brow line.

What are my chances?

>>3578503
What's the title of that story?

>>3579115

The Incident with Petrakov

And so on one occasion Petrakov wanted to lie down for a sleep but, lying down, he missed the bed. He hit the floor so hard that he just lies on the floor and can't get up.

And so Petrakov made a supreme effort and got up on all fours. But his strength deserted him and he again fell down on his stomach and just lies there.

Petrakov lay on the floor for five hours. At first he just lay there and then he fell asleep.

Sleep restored Petrakov's energy. He awoke completely refreshed, got up, walked up and down the room and lay down cautiously on the bed. 'Well -- he thought -- now I'll have a sleep.' But he just didn't feel sleepy. Petrakov turns over on to one side and then the other, but cannot get to sleep at all.

And that's just about it.

Today I Uploaded Nothing

if the guy doesn't upload in the end, it's because he's realized that none of us actually deserve it.

>>3579202
We are not worthy.

Seriously, this guy didn't upload it? Did he make a new thread and I must have missed it? Someone help!

He said he was actually going through his converted doc and correcting the errors. Maybe he gave up

You motherfuckers could type it up yourselves, you know. It would only take about three days, and you'd make MONEY, you fucking assholes.

>>3579630
Or maybe there were more errors that he suspected, and he's just finishing it now.

>>3579630
Maybe the spirit of Kharms came back and murdered him.

OCRanon here. The book was finished on Saturday night, and it's completely up to you when you get it. All you have to do is, as a collective board, stop being egotistical, petty bastards who come here to hurl insults at each other instead of discussing literature.

I'm holding the words 'pleb', 'faggot', 'deluded', 'autistic' and 'retarded' to ransom. You have one week to reform or Kharms dies. And that's just about it.

>>3579896
Imposter.

>>3579896
What if we want to talk about the mentally ill homosexuals of the Roman slums?

>>3579909
But how do you know?

>>3579896
Is this for real? We don't stand a chance of getting it then.

>>3579896
I just wanna tell you, what you are doing is admirable. However since most of us are rotten people, /lit/ will not change for the better.

>>3580193
Because OP just texted me and said he'll post it as soon as he gets out of the hospital.

>>3580349
...But unfortunately he fell downstairs with his laptop, lost all his data, and will have to scan it again when his cast comes off.

>>3579896
I don't get what's so bad about "deluded."

>>3579896
This deluded faggot is probably retarded and autistic. But you plebs will follow him like the sheeple you are.

>>3580359
Not that guy, but anyone who doesn't see what's so bad about it is fucking deluded.

You guys realize this is on Amazon for like 11 bucks, right? Why don't you just order a copy with the money from your job?

>>3580367
Because we'd rather get it for free.

>>3580367
"I'd rather pay money than be nice to people."

>>3580367
>Why don't you just order a copy with the money from your job?
>job

I can't believe you morons ever expected the original OP to deliver. Iranman has been asking for a this book for almost a year and he's constantly being told "I have it, send it to you later."

For some reason a lot more of you fell for it this time.

>>3580441
Original OP fooled us good, he had "proof" and seemed sincere. Sorry to say I was one of the morons that fell for it this time.

>>3580447
Don't give up hope, he will come through. I have made posters, and I have biscuits. We will get the book.

I think maybe OP is waiting for us. Not like that troll up there, but maybe not too far off. Like a faith thing. I believe, no, I have FAITH that OCROP will deliver. I shan't fall for the nay-sayings of the faithless. I know that he shall deliver, sooner or later, whenever he deems /lit/ fit to receive his gift.

>>3580497
This.

After his last post, I'm convinced that he has actually made the e-books. He's just waiting to let us have them.

>>3580529
Waiting for what?

>>3580740
You're out of line, questioning OCROP's will and purpose.

>>3580740
>Waiting for what?
>>3579896

What the fuck. I just bought this book a couple weeks ago. Once it came in the mail I set it on my scanner so I can read a little at a time when I'm bored at my computer. Now I read this thread and I think to myself, "What the fuck? Have I been rused?"

O boy I can't wait.

>>3580865
Allahu Akbar, my plan worked.

>>3580865
Will you scan it for us?

>>3581198
Is this getting now a thing on /lit/? Begging and waiting for someone to scan this book?

>>3581237
>Is this getting now a thing on /lit/?

English mother fucker. Do you speak it?

>>3581245
No, I use shitty may mays to articulate myself.

>>3581250
>quoting pulp fiction
>meme

what?

>>3581198
Buy the fuckin' book, you cheapskate.

>>3581237
No, it's just one book. And half the board want it after all of this.

>>3581260
look around the internet

>>3581262
I can't because I live in Iran.

>>3581262
Why when a scan is free? That's why you and your family work for the rich man instead of being the rich man you fucking lower class scum

>>3581271
No time baby, too busy living.

>>3581273
What a piss poor attitude.
>>3581277
On 4chan?

>>3581280
Don't cry

>>3581272
Amazon don't ship to Iran?

>>3581237
No, now we post our wishlists, which consist of Daniil Kharms, and then one person buys us the book, and then we have saved enough money from not buying the book to buy a book for another anon whose wishlist consists of Daniil Kharms, and so other anons see this and maybe add to their wishlists Daniil Kharms, and the anons who make such a saving from not having bought their copies of Daniil Kharms see this and in turn buy copies of Daniil Kharms for them, and some people end up with two or three copies of Daniil Kharms books which they post to other anons, and the Kharmsic cycle goes around until maybe the seventh or eighth time, when there is some argument about how many times this has happened, and that is it.

This is all playing out like a Kharms story.

"One day Ira Iranman wanted to read a book. Ira Iranman could not find a particular book that had captured his interest. In an attempt to bypass the regular conventions of finding the book, Ira Iranman asked a friend if he could borrow his copy of the book. This friend, who went by the name of Opee Opeeoavich, told Ira Iranman that he would have to wait for him to find it. So he did. And I guess he's still waiting."

guys my country is under sanctions im a translator but i cant buy books online . and also theres no kindle version of this book . can anybody please help a fellow /lit/izen here and share a pdf version of this book or scan it because i need it really really and because of country i cant have it ever :( please help me .

Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writing of Daniil Kharms

http://www.amazon.com/Today-Wrote-Nothing-Selected-Writing/dp/1585677434/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=
1341184837&sr=8-3&keywords=Matvei+Yankelevich

Bump for answers

>>3581273

>implying the lower class wouldn't opt for the free scan because they don't have the same disposable income as the rich

your logic is skewed to the point of retardation, someone sure is in denial over being a prole

>>3582313
Six days remaining, and no signs of improvement.

>>3579896

>>3582313
I think his logic implied that he was free, while the other Anon was enslaved to money – Diogenes listening to a supermarket employee telling him to get a job and save up for a new shiny product.

>>3582317

>you fucking lower class scum

yeah he wasn't playing class games at all good call m8

We can definitely call all this brouhaha the Kharmsgate scandal.

The ironic turn of events in the past few days were very interesting to see. When Ocranon first said he was scanning the book everyone hailed him for his generosity. There was not one single negative comment in that thread. Not one, check the archive if you don't believe me. I wondered how awesome it was that everyone was so harmonious; people were posting satiric stories, discussing Khams' aesthetics, and generally having a good time. The first negative comments came when Ocranon (allegedly) made a thread saying our behavior depends on when we get the book. Now people are hurling insults left and right, and all the peace and serenity /lit/ had contained in this thread was gone.
The whole thing is tragically ironic: Ocranon who did the first good deed, undid his good work by demanding that we become polite; and /lit/, in an act of rebellion, destroyed the harmony which it enjoyed so much.

>>3582359

And that's just about it.

>>3582359
I don't see the irony. And guy who made demands probably wasn't OCR guy. About three guys have talked of converting their physical books. It'll happen, because it hasn't happened.

>>3582359
What's tragic or ironic about that? He's obviously just striving for some false sense of superiority and was rightly called out on it.

>>3582363
>just striving for some false sense of superiority
Why would anyone strive for a false sense of superiority? That doesn't make sense.

>>3582362
>>3582363
It's ironic because his attempt to spread the general politeness of the Khams threads resulted in the disintegration of the threads themselves.
It's tragic because everyone enjoyed the Khams threads before the incident.

>>3582359
>Ocranon who did the first good deed, undid his good work by demanding that we become polite
I think he's justified. He didn't demand it, he just said it would be a reward for us. He spent a lot of effort making it, and in return asked if we could try and be nicer to each other. I think that's fair. It will never happen, but it's fair.

>scanfag making these demands is trying to police the board
>policing the board is policing discourse
>implying Kharms wouldn't hate that faggot for this dick move

Can someone shortly sum up the incident in the form of a Kharms story? I wasn't here when it happened.

>>3582367
Yes, but is it really fair if it can never happen? He did put a lot of time into it, and it's his right to share it or not. I can definitely see his reasoning, but knowing he will never get what he wants means knowing he will never post the book.

I still retain that he demanded because, by his original posts, it was implied that he was uploading it, no strings attached. Maybe he didn't explicitly state it, but everyone assumed it, and he didn't deny anything.

>mfw this is just a microcosm of a discussion on original sin

>>3582377
Taken from the last thread:

"Iranman Aleskianovic plucked a grape from his ear, and, having tumbled out of bed, decided to request a pdf again. Ocranon Spridonov saw this request, and, removing a stone from his eye, spat, pretended to upload the pdf, spat agian, laughed to himself, and spat one more time.

Iranman Aleskianovic was disappointed by the scoundrel, but picked himself up and settled in for round two. Ocranon Spridonov fell from a window and broke his jaw. And that's all I have to say about it. "

>>3582386
Iranman Aleskianovic plucked a grape from his ear, and, having tumbled out of bed, picked up his begging bowel to scrounge for a pdf. Ocranon Spridonov saw this beggar, and, removing a stone from his eye, spat, took a pdf from his wallet, spat again, waved the pdf under the peasant's nostrils, and spat one more time.

Iranman Aleskianovic began smiling, but Ocranon put the pdf back into his wallet. In the background a small child fell from a window and shattered it's face.

Ocranon climbed up on to an apple box, kicked a dog in the face, cleared his throat, and addressed the assembling audience.

"I will let all of you have one pdf," shouted Ocranon Spridonov, "But first you have to be noble people."

The audience wailed at the scoundrel. They knew they couldn't be noble, and that Ocranon was demanding a miracle.

Out of a window, an old lady fell and impaled herself on a fence. And that's all I have to say about it.

>>3582386
>Ocranon Spridonov fell from a window and broke his jaw

He had false teeth that got out of his gob and now is looking for it in the grass.

>>3582409
This is bretty gud.

>>3582365
This thread and OCROP's thread are both better than Iranman threads.
>>3582363
>rightly called out on it
From the way you say that it sounds like you think that actually means something.

http://bookos.org/book/1919781

Will this do for now?

I don't care anymore

>>3582551
Is that you, Iranman?

Thank you based Kharms

>>3582560

Though Iranman has become a martyr on this endeavor, we will see the task to its end.

Praised be the universe.

And also with you.

Have faith in the Kharms. We will have this book.

I would love to have met Daniil Kharms. Seems like an interesting guy. Damn those soviets for sending Mr. Kharms to the gulag.

>>3582761
Wait, the Soviets killed Kharms? I never read his bio, guess I should since it seems he had quite the life.

>>3582465
>This thread and OCROP's thread are both better than Iranman threads.
I was talking about Orcanon's threads before he made the demand versus after he made the demand. Obviously it's a matter of opinion, but I get the feeling everyone liked it more when we weren't fighting over whether we should be nice or not.

>>3582792
If Mr. OCR had posted the book already then Kharms would have died, and we would have returned to normal by now. It's only because the book is still being withheld from us that we are discussing the behaviour of the board now.

>>3582765

The Lecture

Pushkov said: -- Woman is the workbench of love.
And he immediately received a clout across the gob.
-- What's that for? -- asked Pushkov.
But, not getting any answer to his question, he continued: -- This is what I think: a woman should be tackled from below. Women really like this and only pretend that they don't like it.
At this point Pushkov was again struck across the gob.
-- But what on earth is this, comrades! If that's the way it is, I won't carry on speaking -- said Pushkov.
But, after waiting about a quarter of a minute, he continued: -- A woman is so built that she is all soft and damp.
At this point Pushkov was again struck across the gob. Pushkov tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed this and went on: -- If you just sniff a woman...
But at this point Pushkov was so slammed across the gob that he caught hold of his cheek and said: -- Comrades, under these conditions it is absolutely impossible to deliver a lecture. If this happens again, I shall discontinue.
Pushkov waited for a quarter of a minute and then continued: -- Now, where were we? Ah, yes. That was it. A woman loves to look at herself. She sits down in front of the mirror completely naked...
At this word, Pushkov again received a clout across the gob.
-- Naked -- repeated Pushkov.
Smack! -- he was weighed into right across the gob.
-- Naked! -- yelled Pushkov.
Smack! -- he received a clout across the gob.
-- Naked! A naked woman! A nude tart! -- Pushkov kept yelling. Smack! Smack! Smack! -- Pushkov took it across the gob.
-- A nude tart with a ladle in her hands! -- yelled Pushkov.
Smack! Smack! -- the blows rained down on Pushkov.
-- A tart's bum-hole! -- yelled Pushkov, dodging the blows. -- A nude nun!
But at this point Pushkov was struck with such force that he lost consciousness and crumpled to the floor as though pole-axed.

1940

[Kalindov]

Kalindov was standing on tiptoe and peering at me straight in the face. I found this unpleasant. I turned aside but Kalindov ran round me and was again peering at me straight in the face. I tried shielding myself from Kalindov with a newspaper. But Kalindov outwitted me: he set my newspaper alight and, when it flared up, I dropped it on the floor and Kalindov again began peering at me straight in the face. Slowly retreating, I repaired behind the cupboard and there, for a few moments, I enjoyed a break from the importunate stares of Kalindov. But my break was not prolonged: Kalindov crawled up to the cupboard on all fours and peered up at me from below. My patience ran out; I screwed up my eyes and booted Kalindov in the face.
When I opened my eyes, Kalindov was standing in front of me, his mug bloodied and mouth lacerated, peering at me straight in the face as before.

1930

>>3582761
>>3582765
No, that is wrong.

Kharms died during WWII, from starvation while in a refugee camp, fleeing from the Nazi invasion.

Part of the reason he died is because he acted like he was insane (maybe in part for political reasons), which probably made him especially vulnerable during a Nazi invasion of your city.

>>3582864
>the first part of the scanned book is a detailed biography of Kharms' life.

>>3582889
Now I want it even more

I just want to read it while sitting in my cozy bed, sipping imported vodka and listening to some Mosolov.

>>3583035
>sipping imported vodka
I have a bottle of Zubrowka to tuck into.

I-i-i just want this to be over.

>>3583042
Just googled Zubrowka. Goddamn, i want a vodka with a coat.

>>3583073
Yeah, there are loads of different coats. The vodka itself isn't expensive, but it's fucking lovely stuff. It doesn't kill your throat if you have it neat despite being strong. If you live in the UK you can find it in most offies and supermarkets.

>>3583073
>>3583085
Why the fuck would you want a coat on a bottle of vodka?

>>3583101
Why wouldn't you?

>>3583102
It looks terrible

>>3583085
>>3583073
>>3583042
This vodka is /fa/ as fuck m8.

>>3583107
It looks cosy.

why can't the eagles just fly the vodka bottles to an ll bean outlet

>>3583101
>Why the fuck would you want a coat on a bottle of vodka?
Good Vodka should be consumed really cold. I used to work with a Polak who always kept vodka in the freezer – the alcohol means it doesn't freeze, but gets really cold.

The coat will let you carry the bottle around without freezing your hands, and If it's a nice sunny day and you have mates round, you could leave it out of the freezer for a long time without it warming up. It's better than wrapping it in a tea towel.

Obviously you wouldn't put the coat in the freezer.

>>3583112
Wodka that looks like a slav smoking a cigarette on the streets.

>>3583116
That's it, I'm convinced. I'm now spending tomorrow trying to find a bottle of this, freezing it, then putting it's little coat on to drink beside the fire while I read Kharms. And that's it.

>>3583123
Wait 'till you find out about Eristoff.

>>3583123
>>3583116
One day a dirty Slav, with a surname ending in Kov, was walking in the snow, pulled a bottle of Vodka from his rectal orifice, and, after an old lady fell from a 13 story window, found the bottle so cold that he ripped off all his skin. Then a boy died, someone spat repeatedly, more old ladies fell from windows, a red-haired man failed to exist, the Slav questioned his own existence, and two Polish people passed in the street without making eye-contact.

As the number 4 evaporated, a god-tier Frenchman appeared with a room temperature bottle of Cognac and a pre-clipped cigar, and laughed at the dirty Slav who was now pulling fruit from his ears.

My quill has run dry so I wont say any more.

>be drinking icy vodka
>this is smooth
>suddenly wake up covered in blood and vomit holding a hunting knife

T-thanks Poland.

>>3583123
Is that the stuff with grass in it?

Chopin > that faggit grass vodka

>drinking anything but Russky Standard

The Empire will rise again.

>>3583227
Yeah, each bottle has a blade of buffalo grass in it.

>>3583252
>Chopin
>potato vodka

Nah, I'll pass.

>>3583254
>Russia
>capable of making vodka

Kurwa pidorashka

This is now a wodka thread.

>>3583267
>writing vodka instead of wodka as a Pole

You just got imperialised.

>Not spending £100,000 on a bottle of Ace of Spades Midas Champagne

>>3583282
>drinking champagne

Elitist scum

>>3583282
>Not spending £100,000 on a bottle of Ace of Spades Midas Champagne

£125,000 actually.

>>3583294
lol
"23yo, who blew £125,000 on champagne in £200,000 bar round gets told off by his Mum":

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2111468/Alex-Hope-Trader-23-blew-125-000-champagne-200-000-bar-round-gets-told-MUM.html

>>3583294
Could he not wait 2 days for VAT free Tuesdays?

>>3583302
All that money and he still dresses like shit.

>>3583312
>dresses like shit
>still bangs girls you can only jerk off too

Being rich means looks don't matter.

Back on topic guys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPK76ulAAh0

Fellow Kharmsians,

My copy of TIWN arrived in the post today. If that other guy still hasn't delivered, I'll scan and OCR my copy tomorrow. I've done a few books before and it doesn't take more than a few hours.

>>3583395
That has nothing to do with it. One dresses well for themselves, not for girls.

>>3583437
>One dresses well for themselves

Why?

>>3583395
>>3583437
Here's another picture of him.

I have nothing but respect for this guy:
>I went to university at 19 to study Sports Science but found this unfulfilling
>I wanted to change my course to Economics but I hadn’t done Maths at A-level so they wouldn't let me.
>I taught myself economics from books, online research and regular viewing of relevant TV channels, such as Bloomberg.
>In 2–3 months, I managed to teach myself what I would have learnt from a 3 year degree.
>I made my first trade of just £500 on my phone while working at a burger bar
>I kept doubling my money, and had reached six figures within a year.

>>3583449
Wasn't he proven to be a fraud?

>>3583461
No, not this guy. I think I know who you mean though. The other guy rented a Ferrari, and had pictures of himself taken in a luxury apartment, pretended to be a multi-millionaire, then sold books and gave courses on how to be successful. It later turned out that he still lived with his parents. Is that who your thinking of? I can't remember his name.

>>3583425
HAIL THE MIGHTY

>>3583470
google 'alex hope fraud'

>>3583437
>one dresses well for themselves

Do you actually believe this? Do you sit around at home in a suit?

>>3583395
>still bangs girls you can only jerk off too
Really? You'd jerk off to that?

>>3583508
I prefer wearing the same outfit everyday. I'm in good company (Jobs, Einstein)

>>3583525
This. I've limited what I wear so I pretty much dress the same everyday. Makes life so much simpler.

>>3583525
>(Jobs, Einstein)
Why no obvious /lit/ related example?

>>3583493
Yeah, that's a bit different.

He hadn't been authorised with an FSA licence for the foreign exchange markets, but it's still legal for him to trade his own money. He runs several companies, and it's illegal for him to trade using share value from those companies. Since he has so much money, and was all over the papers for the £200,000 bar tab the government decided to fuck with him, but had no evidence and dropped the charges.

>>3583508
Where did I imply a suit is the minimum requirement for being fashionable? I usually dress in "weekend wear" as it's usually called (chinos, oxford shirts, sweater, whatever) when I'm home.

>>3583413
That was beautiful, thank you. Have two bottles of Vodka.

Will you bellends stop talking about fashion. At least vodka was slightly on topic, this is just preposterous.

>>3583609
That's characteristically un-Kharmsian of you.

here it is!

>>3583633
>fat hands
>awful cover
>blue sheets
>leaning over the abyss

1/10 wouldn't download

>>3583633
r/ing immediate scan and OCR.

>>3583633
Why is yours so tiny? All the others I have seen have been really thick.

>>3583633
Are your hands just really fat or are you American?

>>3583633
What's wrong with your thumb?

>>3583633

>those fat stumps you call your hands

sides. orbit. etc.

>>3583648
>>3583660
>>3583669
>>3583679

Jokes on you guys I already hate myself. See if I scan anything for you now!

>>3583660
>>3583669
>>3583679
Leave him alone, he has Adipem American Morbus.

>>3583691
I absolutely didn't think you were going to scan it anyway based on how you'd phrased the post

>>3583691
>See if I scan anything for you now!
Oh yes you will, or you won't get these Pizza Cones.

>>3583633
>>>/fit/

>guy presents that which you love the most
>you fucking admonish him based on his weight.

stay classy as fuck, /lit/.

>>3583742
His impending heart attack is more important than a book.

Stay obsessed with material trinkets, Anon.

>>3583742
>you fucking admonish him based on his weight.
Well, it's quite bad when you can tell that someone is morbidly obese from half a hand.

If the other guy hasn't delivered by tomorrow I will post a copy I guess.

>>3583742
>implying we want it

with reference to existence it can be easily stated that our "end goal" is to acquire daniil kharms, however to say that we actually want it would be largely a falsification to clarify life is a constant vacuum of suffering and there are occasionally slight little lights at the end of the tunnel and to us existing in this meaningless void we see that daniil kharms offers a reprieve, a bright shining light at the end of it all when somebody ocrs it but you see the issue is that eventually we may reach it and obtain daniil kharms and then perhaps the light will turn out to be a 100-watt bulb to to speak and then we are meaningless again but we have a bulb or perhaps even worse daniil kharms in and of himself will turn out to be a train that is to say that the light at the end of the tunnel is a train

>>3583753
>book
>"material trinkets."

nigga, what? are you high?

the book isn't the main priority, it's the idea within it. the bible is just bundled up paper with some leather strapped to it, but it's considered one of the most(probably the most) influential book in all of mankind simply because of the ideas found within it.

so yes, while he does have a fatasfatass hand, wait until he uploads the book so you can read it..and then rip him to shreds.

jesus, you guys don't know diplomacy at all.

>>3583763
are you done blogging your short story? tl;dr (kinda nice though 80/100. solid B-, would give B if had correct punctuation and grammar).

so why is this book so special? because it's not on the internet?

>>3583742
He or she, presented us an image of the copy of the book. Nowhere can be seen a scanner or scanning device. What leads you to think they possess such a device?

>>3583774
>because it's not on the internet?
No, it's special because they call me the Capuchin. For that I'll tear the ears off whomsoever it may be necessary, but meanwhile I get no peace from the fame of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Why did he have to know everything? How to swaddle infants and how to give young girls in marriage - I would also like to know everything. In fact I do know everything, except that I am not so sure of my theories. About infants, I certainly know that they should not be swaddled at all - they should be obliterated. For this I would establish a central pit in the city and would throw the infants into it. And so that the stench of decomposition should not come from the pit, it could be flooded every week with quicklime. Into the same pit I would also stick all Alsatian dogs. Now, about giving young girls in marriage. That, in my view, is even simpler: I would establish a public hall where, say, once a month all the youth would assemble. All of them between seventeen and thirty-five would have to strip naked and parade up and down the hall. If anyone fancied someone, then that pair would go off into a corner and there examine each other in detail. I forgot to say that they would all have to have a card hanging from the neck with their name, surname and address. Then, a letter could be sent to whomever was to someone's taste, to set up a more intimate acquaintance. Should any old man or woman intervene in these matters, I would propose killing them with an axe and dragging them off to the same place as the infants - to the central pit.

I would have written more of the knowledge within me, but unfortunately I have to go to the shop for tobacco. When walking on the street, I always take with me a thick knotty stick. I take it with me in order to batter any infants who may get under my feet. That must be why they called me the Capuchin. But just you wait, you swine, I'll skin your ears yet!

>>3583778
They also posted 'suckit.jpg' as the image file name. I suspect they have no intention of scanning.

reposting rar file with a shitload of kharms stories in html format. translations are a bit rough at times, but it's readable.

http://www.mediafire.com/?x533f1sb4pja4hp

Makarov and Petersen (subtitled 'No. 3')

MAKAROV: Here, in this book, is written all concerning our desires and their fulfillment. Read this book, and you will understand how empty are our desires. You will also understand how easy it is to fulfill another's desire and how difficult to fulfill one's own desire.
PETERSEN: You didn't half say that solemnly. That's how Indian chiefs speak. MAKAROV: This is such a book that it must be spoken of in elevated tones. When I so much as think of it I take off my hat.
PETERSEN: Do you wash your hands before you touch it, then?
MAKAROV: Yes, and the hands must be washed.
PETERSEN: You ought to wash your feet, to be on the safe side.
MAKAROV: That was most unwitty and rude.
PETERSEN: But what is this book?
MAKAROV: The name of this book is secret . . .
PETERSEN: Tee-hee-hee!
MAKAROV: This book is called Today I Read Nothing.
PETERSEN vanishes.
MAKAROV: Good Lord! What's this, then? Petersen!
VOICE OF PETERSEN: What's happened? Makarov! Where are you?
MAKAROV: Where are you? I can't see you.
VOICE OF PETERSEN: And where are you? I can't see you either. What are these spheres?
MAKAROV: What can we do? Petersen, can you hear me?
VOICE OF PETERSEN: I can hear you! But whatever's happened? And what are these spheres?
MAKAROV: Can you move?
VOICE OF PETERSEN: Makarov! Can you see these spheres?
MAKAROV: What spheres?
VOICE OF PETERSEN: Let me go! . . . Let me go! . . .Makarov!
Silence.
MAKAROV stands in horror, then grabs the book and opens it.
MAKAROV: (Reads) . . . 'Gradually man loses his form and becomes a sphere. And, once a sphere, man loses all his desires.'

~~~fin~~~

>>3583582
I feel sorry for you. So bourgeois.

daniil kharms is kill

>>3583760
Please do(n't lie to us).

So, are we getting our book today?

What is the bump limit?

These Kharms threads have been the most entertaining thing on /lit/ for the past week. Maybe it's better we don't get the book, otherwise these threads will go away.

>>3585013
300, I think.

>>3585112

You are absolutely right. Better to remain sucked forever in this Kharms black hole than get the book and finish these threads. The guy who is going to OCR it should be penalized into smithereens.

>>3583116
>>3583123
>I'm now spending tomorrow trying to find a bottle of this
Update on the vodka situation...

I had completely forgotten about it until I, having ventured to my nearest shop for cigarettes this morning, glimpsed a bottle behind the counter. I spat, demanded a bottle from the shopkeeper, spat again, and left the shop with a spring in my step as an old lady fell from a window and dislocated her jaw.

I'm now going to place it in the freezer, and if it's as nice as you say it is, I'll pluck a coin from my left ear and buy a litre bottle. That's pretty much all there is to it.

>>3585176
10/10

>>3585176
Very nice.

Time for Slav yoga.

Any word on when the book is coming?

>>3585361
Never. And that's all there is to it.

>>3585361
my copy should arrive tomorrow morning and i have a scanner.

>>3585369
Does that mean you'll scan it for us?

>>3585369
Please do. I am even willing to pay.

>>3585413
>Please do. I am even willing to pay.
Let's set up a Kickstarter fund! I'm serious, guys!

>>3585430
IS IT HAPPENING?!?!?!

Blue notebook no. 2

Once there was a redheaded man without eyes and without ears. He had no hair either, so that he was a redhead was just something they said.
He could not speak, for he had no mouth. He had no nose either.
He didn't even have arms or legs. He had no stomach either, and he had no back, and he had no spine, and no intestines of any kind. He didn't have anything at all. So it is hard to understand whom we are really talking about.
So it is probably best not to talk about him any more.

-Daniil Kharms

>>3585536
2spooky

>>3585369
Please scan it! Ill send you like $15 dollars to your Paypal.

>>3585430
This is a big approach.

>>3576650
who wrote this amazon review?

"My Iranian friend recommended this book, and holy cow, I'm so glad he did. Today I Wrote Nothing is a fascinating experience full of humor, quirks, and just plain absurdity. Kharms successfully captures both the mundane and the surreal in an incredibly profound and often amusing way. It's the sort of book that you can pick up, read for 10 minutes, and then put down, invariably with a smile on your face."

lol'd

>http://www.amazon.com/review/R2SU6PXXLE5XJE/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=159020042X&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

>>3585536
WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT IF WE WEREN'T TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING? IS IT POSSIBLE THAT WHAT WE ASSUMED ABOUT STATEMENTS LIKE 'ONCE THERE WAS A REDHEADED MAN WITHOUT EYES AND WITHOUT EARS', THAT THEY ARE EXISTENCE STATEMENTS, WAS NOT NECESSARILY TRUE, AND THAT WE CANNOT DIVINE, FROM SUCH A STATEMENT ALONE, THAT, WERE SUCH A STATEMENT BEING MADE, AN EXISTENTIAL STATEMENT WOULD LIKEWISE BE BEING MADE? WHAT IS IT, THEN, THIS THING WE CALL LANGUAGE?

>>3585579
Hahaha, good job whoever did.

>>3585557
>Please scan it! Ill send you like $15 dollars to your Paypal.
You can get the book for less than that... Wait, are you the Iranian?

>>3585626
Who wants to know?

>>3585655
>Who wants to know?
Another Anon now possession of the book and a scanner.

>>3585673
Fuck I can't wait for this shit. It's so pointless yet I can't stop reading.

>>3585673
Blows my mind

>>3585673
>You didn't write me.
I always see this, and it irks me because it seems like the verb is missing it's 'to'. Is it grammatically correct like that?

fuck it.
I'm buying a copy.
for fuck's sake.

The Werld:

Then I realized that since before there was somewhere to look – there had been a world around me. And now it’s gone. There’s only me.

And then I realized that I am the world.

But the world – is not me.

Although at the same time I am the world.

But the world’s not me.

And I’m the world.

But the world’s not me.

And I’m the world.

But the world’s not me.

And I’m the world.

And after that I didn’t think anything more.

>>3585939
Daniil Kharms makes me not even want to write anymore. He's too great.

>>3585939
That's not the full poem by the way

After you have read the biography, make sure to start at the back. There are loads of notes that will provide you with a much better insight to the stories.

>>3585962
Why not just scan the book for us. Kharms would have wanted it that way.

Bump limit reached, starting new thread here

>>3586011

>>3583826
noice