/lit/ - Literature

lel

just give up op

save your time and just offer them your anal virginity in exchange for acceptance

you sound like an asshole. I wouldnt let you in

You write in an excessively casual way to try and paint yourself as an individual and anti-authoritarian and someone special and unique who has a lot to offer, but it just makes you look like a shitty writer.

You can't be serious.
You are going to use the term "circlejerk" in your college app essay?
Also the general tone seems like a blog post. Your rants make you seem unbalanced and unfocused as well as opinionated and confrontational.

random thoughts

>circlejerk

what is that italicized at the top? the title?

wait is he serious
is this an essay for college application

>(unmarried)
wat

>strikethrough on religion

>all those hyphenated words

>>3549974
at least reword it. That makes you sound like you don't care about humanity and is way too revealing about your ignorance of the difficulty it is to make a living. Some homeless are actually unlucky and despite what Ayn Rand tells you, are not complete dead beats. Besides, even if you really do vehemently believe that and never change your mind, the college application readers want someone who isn't going to blatantly make a sweeping generalization about and completely ignore the physical needs of a large portion of the population.

The part about the lake doesn't make too much sense either.

Also
>philosophy communication á la Carl Sagan
>using foreign phrases in an English essay

sage because I now have a reason to dislike and spite you after reading your stupid essay.

i stopped when you said you never turned a page of the illiad or the odyssey. what is stopping you? they aren't even that long

much appreciated, guys!

>>3549974
>>3549974
Just fucking give up OP. No college is going to accept that shitty writing, not even your local community college.

Well, I'm going to disagree with the rest of /lit/ here and say I think it's pretty good.

jk it sucks

>>3549974
>college app.
more like ayn rand fanfiction

>>3550037
it isn't that the writing isn't there, and it isn't.
it isn't that community colleges don't accept people like OP, and they don't, The problem is with the personality whoever wrote this must have. You can change op, but who the hell do you think you are?

>>3550063
see I write even worse than you do. But why can't you just write a normal application? Mentioning how you are interested in learning. Tell them you are into the canon or something.

I don't know where to begin. Get rid of everything you wrote that you thought was witty. Maybe the last paragraph should be first and cut the shit about being or wanting to be better than anyone. You can serve soup at a soup kitchen and be an intellectual.

For a common app essay, this really isn't shitty. It is obnoxious as fuck and that's easy to see but it's about average if not slightly above average for a common app essay. I suggest that you focus on one specific thing or event instead of trying to cover all the ways that you are intellectually superior or more driven. Seriously, this is your chance to connect with someone who's looking at your application, the one thing that different than all those bullshit numbers. Write something that someone can understand and be actually proud of you for instead of seeming like a pompous bitch. You talk about the things that you're going to do like that means anything, everyone has important shit that they want to accomplish. Talk about when you did something and felt something about it.

I never post in threads like this, because, who am I to judge? But your shit really rustled my jimmies OP. What kind of try-hard edgy child are you? Is this an elaborate ruse or are you serious? I am too lazy to quote shit, but..

>lazy enough to be homeless
>circlejerk
>I will have done my job. Then, over hundreds of generations

dat arrogance. its everywhere. what the fuck man. grow up.

I don't really like. At all. It's like it was written by a 12 year old who just had a very shallow epiphany. I wouldn't let you in and I just read the first paragraph.

>>3549974
Remove the shit dissing charity, remove "circlejerk"

I mean, Jesus.

Trash it. It's awful. You sound like a miserable, arrogant prick.
>circlejerk
>people who are lazy enough to be homeless in the First World
>solution to worldwide equality
Your content is all over the place and it reeks of self-importance and pseudo-intellectualism. TRASH IT. Start over. Don't mention that you haven't read any of the Iliad or the Odyssey. That's no one's fault but your own, you lazy horsefucker. Do you want to sound illiterate? Write about ONE THING that makes you happy. Think about how many shitheads just like you are going to write crappy essays about how "DEEP" they are and how they know how to fix all the world's problems, maaaan. Write about a book you love, or about something that you would contribute to this school. You have to trick the admissions people into thinking that you're a pleasant and interesting human being, so it might be an uphill struggle.

you guys are really awesome. i needed this.

Also, why the hell haven't you read The Ilyad and the Odissey? The Bible I understand but those two are entertaining and enriching. Hell, I read them when I was twelve.

op trolling all of you.

>mfw

>writing ie in a formal text
Awful.

the gayest

>>3550127
*op is a masochist getting off right now

>ftfw

OP you did a great job satirizing a pretentious child, you'll surely get accepted everywhere. Also weren't you supposed to have done this by now?

>>3550129
Yeah the irony would really be apparent if he used id est.

I doubt anyone in your class has read Joyce past Dubliners or Portrait, and if so they should be killed for being a try hard faggot.

>>3550144
I haven't read Joyce but why should they be considered try hard faggots? Is it too bad? Native language is Spanish so I've been postponing it since forever.

Hey, at least he tried to be honest.

If you get into a college with that essay, please tell me so I can avoid going within 100 miles of the place

>>3550167
For me it's not the content but the writing that is awful. As long as you write well you can say whatever you like.

>>3550127
no, i'm really not, that's the sad part.
fuck,have i got work to do.

>>3550153
Ulysses is not a book most people have read, they like to discuss about it anyways tho.

>>3550177

applications for everywhere were due months ago. and if this is for next fall's application season, you're going to need more than a year to fix writing that bad. COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA 'a la' COMMA COMMA.

jesus christ, I feel bad for you.

>>3550209
the writing isn't that bad. just the content. it shouldn't be that hard to fix at all. don't give up op

>>3550177
time to stop reading rand and start reading books son

>>3549974

google "how to write a college application essay" then get back to us

0/10

pretentious
an obsession with reading the literary canon generally means that one only wishes to appear educated and doesn't read for the sheer joy of increasing his knowledge

>>3549974
Haha, is this for real? This essay screams school shooter or drop out.

WOW yes absolutely cut that shit that is underlined

i refuse to help you until that it gone

you come off as extremely conceited but trying to hide behind a false humility

I'd piss myself laughing if this came into my office.

You will want to start again with a blank page. As for how to write it, try to do none of the things you did in the existing version.

>>3549974
><insert philosophy journal>

That pretty much sums it up. Name-dropping pretension. The college admins aren't going to detect your irony; they're going to think you have an enormous stick up your arse.

Loling, this has to be a troll becasue it is past admissions time, so you must be making this up.

OP is trolling, and anyone who responds to this with critiques should spend a lot of time considering their time management.

>>3550323
>OP is trolling, and anyone who responds to this with critiques should spend a lot of time considering their time management.

Yes, clearly I got 'trolled' and wasted my valuable life time writing a sentence as a reply in a troll thread. You, on the other hand...

>>3549974
> Applying to college in March.
I hope it's Clown College, I hear they're open 24/7.

Put /lit/ in the <insert philosophy journal here> part.

>>3549974
>lazy enough to be homeless
>60ish
>circlejerk
>Yeah
Nope.

>I haven't even turned a page of
Don't say that.

><Insert Philosophy Journal>
This isn't a 4chan post, use actual English language expressions.

>The solution to worldwide
>over hundreds of generations
any sentence beginning with this is almost guaranteed to be edgy arrogant bullshit, and unsurprisingly it is in this pic. Cut the whole paragraph.

>I've had a weird life
Everyone has, unless your life was REALLY weird such as having to deal with a second penis, or escaping North Korea it's not worth mentioning.

>random-shit-in-hyphens-that-looks-cool-and-witty
It really doesn't.

>I.e.
Use an actual English language formulation.

>I, I, I, I...
cut that use of pronouns you egocentrics, arrogant asshole

I honestly hope this is a joke, OP

I could hardly get through that without vomiting

You guys there is a new idea here: the concept of physiological equality.

I don't recall ever seeing that before and it's a fascinating idea. OP should elaborate on that, and expand the concepts inherent in the definition to inclde sociophysiology and possibly even psychophysiology. I'd try to address the concept of pharmacological eqaulity afterard, in a companion piece. The sheer novelty of the idea will keep people reading.

>>3550605
>the concept of physiological equality.
bnw

>>3550609
think about the implications, and the questions it raises. If i get my 2000 calories from beans and rice, and burn them laying bricks, am I physiologically equal to a guy who eats foie gras on toast points to get his, and burns them at the gym?
Its a novel concept.

>>3550063
>>3550067
iin the 2nd line of the third paragraph you need a comma after "them"

should read
...caused me to ask them, "Then who"...

USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED USED

>>3550129
>>3550142
samefag

>>3550605
>>3550629
NOVEL NOVEL NOVEL
samefag
subversive

a 5/10 troll by 4chan standards, 1/10 by lit standards

>telling the admissions commissioner about things you haven't done but you're thrashing it because of your anxiety over perceived expectations
This isn't really a contribution, as most things have been covered by other posters, but... holy fuck

> I'm
> I've
> Overlined Religion replaced with Cult even when cults are religions
> Meta commentary about College essays on 400 words or so essay
> Overly lax tone used to cover up the lack of content