/lit/ - Literature

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>See qtπ girl reading Infinite Jest at college
>Walk up to her
>"So you like DFW huh?"
>"Yes, he's brilliant!" she responds, clearly excited
>Decide to engage her in an intelligent literary discussion
>"Did you know that he killed himself because he hadn't any talent?"
>"E-excuse me?" (she is clearly impressed by my expertise)
>"He can't write, he can't think; there's no discernible talent"
>"Ooo-kay..." she says and turns back to her book
>I tear it from her hands and launch it across the room with all my strength
>"Why don't you read some real literature instead?"
>"What the hell!?"
>"I recommend Hemmingway. Now there's a man's man"
>"I don't like Hemingway!"
>"Hemmingway," I correct her. "It has two m's"
>She collects her book from where it lies three metres away and storms off, completely defeated by my insoluble logic
>I open my laptop
>That feel when no gf

>>3394221
Ha ha, love these. Keep them coming.

>sitting alone in Starbucks reading Finnegans Wake
>cute hipster girl approaches me
>start trembling with fear
>"Hey! You're reading Finnegans Wake? Is it any good?"
>"I-I think you'll find Finnegans Wake transcends the normative good-bad dichotomy, actually"
>she says she doesn't understand
>snort with laughter
>coffee spurts from my nostrils, along with a single strand of spaghetti
>panicking, I swiftly pull the tablecloth to my nose and blow
>more spaghetti falls out
>try to catch it all in my fedora, but it quickly overflows
>the girl is staring at me in horror
>I stand up, knocking my chair over, and sprint towards the door
>trip on a string of spaghetti that was dangling from my nose
>as I crash to the floor a wet bubble of bolognese sauce escapes from my ass
>attempt to stand but slip on a meatball that has rolled out of my trouser leg
>by now everyone is laughing hysterically
>I try to explain the opening sentence of Finnegans Wake but my mouth is full of spaghetti
>start vomiting uncontrollably
>the spaghetti wraps itself around my neck
>can't breathe
>beg for help but no one can hear me over their laughter
>before dying, make my last confessions:
>"I have no idea what's going on in Finnegans Wake!"
>everything goes black

>>3394221
>See qtπ girl reading Infinite Jest

These autist alpha male stories crack me up.

>>3394253
>These autist alpha male stories crack me up.

Indeed.

>>3394245
Would put a ring on it.

>Sitting in the park reading Ernest Hemingway with a flask of whisky
>Live in big city, parks are bum-housing
>Approached by old bum
>Reeks of eggs and rusted metal, wants money
>Bum starts raving at me
>Give the bum half of my whisky in one of the water bottles he had collected from the park trash cans
>Bum slams the whisky down
>Sit uncomfortable for a few minutes
>Bum starts raving
>...I decline to accept the end of man... I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among the creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul...
>Get up and leave

>>3394245
Are you sure that's a girl?

>>3394278
willing to find out

>>3394221
Lost it, this one was brilliant.

>Take creative writing workshop.
>Class of ten with woman lecturer who starts talking about plot development and hero's journey.
>"Implying I read for plot," I shout through cupped hands.
>Class glares at me.
>"two thousand and twelve,"I tell everyone
>Teacher tuts and starts discussing character development in Harry Potter.
>"Do you even read?" I shout. "Go back to mew"
>Ginger man to my left tells me to shut up.
>"I bet you haven't even read Ulysses or Dee-Eff-Double-you" I tell him
>Class starts shouting at me, asking me to leave. It was all that ginger man's fault.
>I turn back to him
>"Your filthy roach. I bet you read fifty shades and genre fiction."
>He stands up and tells me to get out.
>"No," I said. "I'm the only real reader here. I read for prose, you're just a fucking casual"
>He hit me right on the nose, the cartilage cracks, blood sprays over my desk.
>I get up and walk out, grinning to myself at how superior I am.
>Filthy roaches. I bet they're talking about Kerouac now.

>> Anonymous Fri Jan 11 09:15:12 2013 No.3345055
>>3345050
>it wall all that gingers man's fault.
Heh, more like this.

>>3394238
A classic of the genre.

>on the train back from Edinburgh
>reading The Unseen by Nanni Balestrini
>drinking some Carling
>this girl comes up to and tells me how hawt I am and how I must be super smart.
>she says she likes books too
>I tell her I'm not interested. I just want to drink and read.
>she keeps talking about how she once read Joyce and it changed her world
>tell her to go annoy someone else.
>she says I'm a tease and grabs my phone from the table.
>she tells me she put her number in my phone under cutiepie.
>shrug at her, get up and say this is my stop
>she says I should call her
>I get off the train and delete the number for cutie pie
>Are you sure you want to delete cutie pie
>Yes

Pic related but prettier and less slutty

I don't have any of these stories. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed them a lot

>reading in a college hallway
>girl sitting next to me, we meet like this daily for weeks
>she begins to bring books as well
>notice they are fantasy

I suddenly stopped paying attention to her.

>at university
>there's a talk by Stephen King that evening
>it's very busy, I sit at the back of the room
>he begins to talk about his influences
>'PLEB!' I shout
>he carries on a bit perturbed, talking about the future of literature
>'STILL READING BOOKS. 2012. GET A KINDLE!'
>few people around me tell me to be quiet
>speaker is a bit annoyed but they carry on
>King talks about differences between genre and literary fiction
>'ENTRY LEVEL! STAY PLEB!'
>some security grab and start dragging me out of the room
>'Y-YOU TOO!'
>go home
>check news on TV
>Stephen King has hanged himself
>go over to foot of the bed and kiss the unread copy of Infinite Jest
>go to sleep content.

>>3394321
oh my god this is the best

>Take Long Island Rail Road to college 4 days a week
>Same car same seat every day
>Some cunt sits next to me reading a copy of Vogue of all things
>Fight club is my bible
>Instruct her of the ineffectual, vacuous, and meaningless nature of her interest in fashion which is only stimulated by her selfish desire to impress society
>Bitch has audacity to claim she is editor in chief and my clothes don't match.
>Seething with rage.
>both get off at last stop and standing waiting for transfer
>Call her a repugnant shit as I kick her soulless ovaries
>Repeat while she begs for mercy
>Tell her she must admit to being the scum of the earth
>She relents and offers favors of oral sex in return for her life.
>I whisper YOLO as I push her decrepit shitpile of a body in front of the oncoming train.

Amidoinitright?

>BrownBear posts these
>everyone gets butthurt and tells him to leave
>anonymous reposts as copypastas
>omg i luv these they r so funny lel XD

I know it's probably samefagging, but still. Come on.

>sitting in university, waiting for the lecture to begin
>reading pynchon
>qt3.14 sits beside me, i'm ignoring her
>she tries to spark up a conversation
>'you know you're holding your book upside down?'
>prepared for this, i retort 'authorial intent, ishygddt'
>she looks strangely at me
>i continue '2013 - reading for plot'
>at this point, she turns away
>i won't back up 'i bet you read fantasy, i bet you don't even know DFW'
>she's ignoring me
>it's time for my final attack 'pleb get on my level, i've read the first chapter of finnegans wake'
>she got her phone out and is texting or something similarly plebeian
>i get closer to her and whisper in her ear
>'kindle or nook, what do you prefer?'

>>3394485

I miss BB :*(

>>3394475
Fashion will chew you up and use your dick as a tooth-pick.

>>3394221
>it has two m's

lost it

>>3394485

Completely true.

Besides, I thought his stories were great too. The thing was, when I first saw them in late 2010, I honestly thought they were all real. Of course, back then, they weren't nearly so OTT (although somewhat unlikely).

>>3394721
I would do unspeakable things to this girl. But let me speak them. First I'd snatch her clothes off with such force and speed that it'd be like she never wore them. By this point my boner would have grown to equine proportions and would have snaked up and around her leg, slithering towards her confused and quivering twat. I grab her breasts and start helicoptering them. The force of the wind created shreds my clothes away. I'm naked now. My dick has at this point slithered right next to her cunt, which isn't confused anymore, but aware of what is going to happen, and filled with girl-jelly. But wait! It doesn't enter her, not just yet, it kisses her lips, and makes its way up, constricting her like a boa in the process. I rip her big bow off and use it to wipe my savagely salivating mouth. I say in a tender whisper "prepare your face anus, beautiful" and my cock slides into her mouth. It slithers worm-like down her intestines, and emerges from her dripping dick dock. I then start to fuck her pussy from the inside. My dick pokes out of her pussy repeatedly, like a mole begging to be whacked--with good-feelings. She dies almost immediately from pleasure and blood loss. The whole room is flooded with my cum, and I drown, joining her in death, like Romeo and Juliet. We are the 21st Century's tale of love. We are Romo and Julet