/lit/ - Literature

fuk dat, queue is mah word bra.

its got 4 vowels in a row and includes the letter Q, it aint get no better'n that son.

>>3290364
That's exactly why it makes no sense.

>>3290415
English is a glorious crock pot of languages from around the world and it always has been since it evolved from Anglo-Saxon. Embrace the fact that it means that some words may make no fucking sense.

>See karaoke
>Pronounced "Kerry-oh-kee"
>Should be pronounced "Ka-ra-oh-kee"

>>3290425
I do, that's why it's satire?

queue still sucks though

>>3290425
>kee=ki

soft e dude. karaoki vs karaoke ka rah oh ke~h

Post it so we can read it.

Post it, I'm genuinely interested.

>>3290429
Then just say 'line' and move on with your life.

Tell me what ya think /lit/

http://pastebin.com/rW86mxvw

>>3290447
I don't actually give a shit, you know.

>>3290454

>Edward Dement

subtlety is your friend, friend.

>>3290459
By that do you mean it's too subtle, or not subtle enough?

I've never heard that joke before but it did seem a little obvious

>>3290459
>>3290471
I don't get it.

>>3290471

Not subtle enough.

Incredibly obvious, in fact.

It reminds me of reading some book in seventh grade whose villain was named 'Madec.' Just too obvious

>>3290482

DementEd

>>3290485
Word. It's not actually meant to be thematically linked to the piece or anything. I just didn't want to submit anything under my real name, so I came up with that off the cuff.

OP here, incidentally, this was written as a response to my hearing that the Queen's English Society (a group that focuses on the percieved degeneration of the English language) was disbanded. Which makes no difference because they're faggots and kind of sucked at what they did anyway. Case in point, you have never heard of the Queen's English Society

it was good at times but then you got immature and the bit at the end wasn't funny it was just something that i assumed you would do as someone who would use the term pants-on-head retarded.

submit it to cracked i am sure they will love it.

>>3290485

How about Theodore Demen?
Or is that too subtle?

Post it here faget.

>>3290512

Too similar to 'Demon'

>>3290506

u haven a giggle m8?

>>3290517

Or "semen"

>>3290517
Sean Gonnery?

>>3290519
not even once

>>3290519
Pretty much, my essential point was that if we're going to worry about the state of english, chavs aren't the problem, retarded words like "queue" are the problem. I guess it doesn't come across that well without context though so eehhh.

>>3290525

What about Rupert Gonnery?

He'd be Gonnery, R.

>>3290454

I posit that you felt pretty pleased with yourself after ejaculating that trite observation. The reality is that others won't be as amused by it was you are.

>>3290536
What about Sean Connery MD?

>>3290538
Well, like I said, actually getting it published is not the point of this exercise, so...

I swear to god, /lit/ tells you to practice and then when you do, they're all WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER WRITING THIS SHIT, don't understand you guys at all.

>>3290538

Is it hard to type with eight cocks in your mouth?

>>3290543

It was okay. I wouldn't recommend stand-up or anything, and I have a feeling I heard pants-on-head retarded on a yahtzee video (maybe insert another form of retarded there instead), but it made me chuckle, and you pointed out a valid problem.
Try to subvert people's expectations.
The funniest thing is the thing you don't expect.
Maybe throw away the last paragraph, and give us a twist.
I have no idea what it could be though.

>>3290543

The point is you keep practicing and stop caring about other people's opinions of your bullshit.

You still don't get it.

>>3290352

Pick up the newest copy of "Best American Essays" and flip to the back where tons of magazines and the like are looking for submissions.

>>3290544

I don't know, why don't you try taking two out of your mouth and let us know.

>>3290543
you asked where to submit it, try cracked. i tried to give you an honest crit in that it was good but immature so now you know how to try and fix it up. try to find a middle ground between pretentious and pants-on-head retarded next time you write something.

>>3290553
Well, if I didn't care I would never get better because hearing constructive criticism is the only way to improve. But that's kind of besides the point considering my OP was about the publishing process, not the quality of the piece itself, which is kind of irrelevant.

I mean, I sent this shit to the editor of the QES already, and not because I think he's going to think it's notable or intelligent.

>>3290559

>Called out on faggoty speech
>Responds using a more mundane style

>>3290559
but he only knows what it is like to suck 2 cocks and type and he seems to be managing but he was asking you about typing with 8 cocks in his mouth and you should answer i think it could a pretty valuable skill if you are ever in a situation with 8 dudes and you need to distract them all and call for help on the computer

>>3290569
>>3290573

Sirs, consider yourself trounced.

>>3290573

Its such a valuable skill that your dad uses it to make money for internet, meth, and subscriptions to piss fetish websites.

>>3290566
>hearing constructive criticism is the only way to improve

hah. This is such bullshit.

The only way to improve is to read and write a fuckload. Pair this with an honest outlook on your own stuff and you'll be fine.

>>3290586

Sir, consider yourself autistic

>>3290558
Thanks, will do.

>>3290563
When you say it's immature, what exactly do you mean? The tone?

I don't want to be one of those fags that's all NUH UH THE MISTAKES MAKE IT COOL if this isn't what you're getting at, but the whole pretentious/immature attitude of the hypothetical Edward Dement was kind of the point, because it was supposed to parody the way these douches make a massive deal over the evolution of language. Maybe it doesn't come across that clearly? I dunno. Can you elaborate more?

Taking out "pants-on-head-retarded" because I remember that I also heard that in a Yahtzee video and that's no good

>>3290573

Dear Sir,

You seem to have missed the implication of the post which you have replied to. To wit: the fellow enquiring of sucking eight cocks was sucking ten cocks at the time and removing two cocks from his own mouth would provide the answer to his question.

>>3290569

>proper, literate english
>faggoty speech

>>3290603

Dear Sir,

One time I felched a mall-santa for coke money. Your post is more gay and desperate than that.

Yours sincerely,

>>3290569

>u amerigen?

>>3290603
that is fucking stupid are you autistic or something?

>>3290626
>The people around me are stupid because I don't understand what they're saying

>>3290618

>faggoty speech
>I posit that you felt pretty pleased with yourself after ejaculating that trite observation. The reality is that others won't be as amused by it was you are.

>proper, literate english
>I believe that you would have been pleased with yourself after writing something that self-indulgent. Other people won't be as amused by it.

>won't be as amused by it was you are.
>won't be as amused by it
>was you are
>spelling error and grammatical nonsense
>being this illiterate
>2012

>>3290626

U DUM?

>>3290627
dude you didn't in any way imply that he had 10 cocks in his mouth at any time. you said 2. the problem isn't me the problem is that people don't understand you because you are a retard.

>>3290627

>People will think I'm clever if I talk like a 15 year old who found a thesaurus

Worst thread currently on 4chan

>>3290634

>10-2=8cocks

>>3290635
>Ad hominem
Pls.
Ur argument sux, giv up bich.

>>3290648
It isn't an ad hominem. He's saying using flowery language doesn't make you look smart, it makes you look like a child. The fact that he's saying you look like a child doesn't invalidate his point.

>>3290634

>can't understand subtle implications
>can only parse the most literal word-skim from a sentence
>welcome to amergia

>>3290352
> queue

Foreigners pronounce this word as 'kyou-ee-you-ee'.

>>3290652

u said flower lol ur a faget

>>3290648

>Implying that ad hominem arguments can't be right sometimes

>>3290660

that makes u a faget 2 D:

>>3290661

ur a faget

>>3290666

pls stop

anon pls

>>3290442

The word is Japanese and is pronounced Ka (L)Ra O Ke.

>>3290559

MAXIMUM BURN XD

>>3290677

HES GONNA NEED A SKIN GRAFT FOR THAT ONE XD

>>3290652
>Attacking the poster, not the content
>Saying children shouldn't be listened to by virtue of their childhood
>Somehow not ad hominem

What OP said (by the way, I'm not him) is perfectly valid; the man was implying that by removing two cocks from his mouth his assailant would be able to experience typing with eight cocks in his mouth, thus answering the assailant's crude question. The implication clearly, then, is that the assailant had ten cocks in his mouth to begin with, and therefore the "comeback" OP responded to carried no force, and sounded as if the writer of the comeback didn't understand the statement in dispute to begin with.

>>3290626 called what he said "fucking stupid" when clearly the content of his post wasn't. There really isn't much to criticize in way of "thesaurus use" in that post; someone might not know what "to wit" or "enquiring" meant, but native speakers will be familiar with these phrases, and they are used correctly in the context. >>3290635 is totally irrelevant because it doesn't refer to this content, it just calls the OP out on something totally irrelevant to his argument. Even if the poster is right, his post is totally non-sequitur to the content of the post and doesn't belong.

>>3290634
I have no idea what this guy's on about, it's simply incorrect and I understood what OP meant. As I said, I did not post the comment in dispute right now, I understood it fully, I understood this conversation fully, and I don't understand why people are unable to grasp it unless they are defending themselves against butthurt.

>>3290700

>Says he isn't that guy
>Talks just as flowery
>Defends his use of flowery language
>QED, he is that guy
>Holy shit what a faggot
>Those are some beautiful dubs though

>>3290700
>What OP said (by the way, I'm not him) is perfectly valid

OP here, I've taken absolutely no part in this shitshow, so don't pin this on me.

>>3290700

>defending themselves against butthurt

>>3290706
Sorry mate.
The guy who posted >>3290603
that thing is totally cool the rest of this thread is niggers.

Do you understand yet?

>>3290706

I think that your post is a verbose indication of rustled jimmies.

>>3290706

>>3290718
>>3290715
>>3290712

>Niggers calling niggers niggers
>mfw
>The faggotry in this thread is reaching critical mass
>We have to get Feynman and all the other STEM majors in to defend ourselves against butthurt

>>3290726
Don't look now, but I think butthurt is trending on your Twitter account.

>>3290726

I think you have been told.

>>3290734

>impling its not my facebook status

I hate you /lit

I hate you so much

>>3290762

That's okay.
What matters is that you'll be here tomorrow.
And the day after.

>>3290769
mfw

>>3290352
>>3290454

Where's the satire?

>>3290673
But anon, there's no L or R sound in Japanese

>>3290769

>>3290955

It's a mixture of both. Almost like a rolling 'R' in Spanish but flicking your tongue downwards instead. It's translated as "R" in romanji but it's they combine it with their 'L' sound.

>man, /fit/ is shit right now, let's see what's on /lit/
>oh look, some guy asking feedback on his story
>hmm, let's see what the others think
>mfw