/lit/ - Literature

god damn typos... I caught those now, and I fixed them.

I'm really tired but I got to line 65. I like it

>>2827705
Well, thank you friend.

Does it show that I've never written anything seriously before?

>Not calling a 'short novel' a novella.
>than when I came here
THAN?
>Breathtaking shouldn't be capitalized.
>It's spellt 'preaMble'
>Not by Zadie Smith

I'm not reading anymore because you obviously haven't put the required amount of effort in just yet.

Don't overuse ...
And use Word, auto mistake is your BBBFF

Good luck, sounds compelling so far.

Than is used correctly you faggot

It's more poetic than prosaic. Also, your persona (or character, as you see it) is hyper self-aware, which doesn't really do anything for me. Where do you go from there?

>>2827721
Thank you for the tips, friend.

Mistakes corrected.

>>2827731
From here?
Well from here I will take him on a journey. A journey of exploration, further into himself. And we will see his process. His growth and death.

He is supposed to be hyper self aware. Is that a negative trait? I'm glad I portrayed it correctly. But do you think it will detract from the story?

>>2827606

"They keep me, my shoes and how I feel through them, here.
Here; Here, where a man was once defined by his work and the effort put into it.
Here, where the sky becomes more hazy with every year. Here, where "equality" just means power to the minority. And here, where the little beauty is found there; there when the parallels form, or is it where the inspiration grows?"

Why do all beginning writers love Dickensian repetitive shit??
He knew how to do it, you guys don't.

>>2827729
I thought it was....
But I wasn't sure...
I suck at english, in the educated sense.

>>2827729
I thought it was....
But I wasn't sure...
I suck at english, in the educated sense.


I should have grouped all my posts together. Oh well.

>>2827741
I was trying to paint a picture, my friend. A picture of where he comes from and what he is trying to escape from.

Should I rewrite it?
Or are you just protesting the trend?

>>2827753

i don't like the trend, but if u like it then whatever/

>>2827756
Well, I certainly find it useful.

But please more detail in your opinion.

Did I do it wrong? Do I simply not understand it's use?

All critque is appreciated.

>>2827739

Most of the stuff I love starts with a person who doesn't know themselves and figures it out along the way. Why is someone who already knows what they're about going on a serious journey at all?

>>2827799
To escape his knowing. And to try and force a change or encounter a change in himself.

probably late to the party here, but line 32:

>I had finally gave myself the motivation to plan for it.

I think it should be either

>I had finally given myself the motivation to plan for it.

or

>I finally gave myself the motivation to plan for it.

>>2827815
Thank you friend. I have fixed said error with the former.

>>2827815
Oh yes, I'm sorry. I forgot to ask; what did you think of it?

I like the idea that the main character is trying to avoid thinking and attempting to grab a moment of peace, yet he/she 'communicates' with us through those very thoughts. It makes me feel almost somewhat guilty, as I am benefiting from these cursed things.

I like it so far. I think the style is a bit jarring at first, but I don't mean that in a bad way.

>>2827846
Ah, that is very appreciated, friend. Thank you.

I know it is jarring. If only because it's so uncommon. I tried to go for a psuedo stream of conciousness.


And like all fledgling writers, they base it off of what they know. And those so happen to be my patterns of thought. I hope it carries well through the second chapter.

>>2827865
I have to rest.

Thank you for the input, my friends.

I will remember to use less ellipses.

Amoung other things.

Maybe I'll be confident enough to post chapter two here.
Maybe.