/lit/ - Literature

I like the ones where Elijah mocks the priests of Baal and then totally showboats in defeating them.

>"Like a thornbush in a drunkard's hand is a proverb in the mouth of a fool."
>Proverbs 26:9.

I believe.

"When men fight with one another, and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand." -- Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Mine:

>And Jesus said: I am the son of god. And everyone else was like: Yeah, whatever. And Jesus said: No, really! Guys, listen, hey guys ... hey ... And the people vanished and said, that that crazy guy, god son (lol) is better pissing of, because the jews do not like crazy people.
>Meanwhile Jesus went to the local pub and drank 2 bottles of white wine and said, that the angles came for his day of birth and also three kings came and everyone at the pub was like "yeah, whatever hobo" and Jesus drank more wine.
>The next day, Jesus hallucinated about dinosaurs with laserguns fighting eachother, he had a huge headache from the wine and told himself: never again.

the end

I like the verses that are closer to some eastern tradition like "I am has sent me to you' which more a statement of profound awareness and consciousness than any literal support

>>2682912
>Saiyan
>Son of MAN
That's just stupid

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

>>2682924
You're just sayin', amirite?

Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God. -Leviticus 19:31

I have always sought wizards :(

"I come not to bring peace, but a sword."

>>2682942

>>2682931
not in the bible lol

"For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

"For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

(13) Jesus said to his disciples, "Compare me to someone and tell me whom I am like."
Simon Peter said to him, "You are like a righteous angel."
Matthew said to him, "You are like a wise philosopher."
Thomas said to him, "Master, my mouth is wholly incapable of saying whom you are like."
Jesus said, "I am not your master. Because you have drunk, you have become intoxicated from the bubbling spring which I have measured out."
And he took him and withdrew and told him three things. When Thomas returned to his companions, they asked him, "What did Jesus say to you?"
Thomas said to them, "If I tell you one of the things which he told me, you will pick up stones and throw them at me; a fire will come out of the stones and burn you up."

>>2682965
Ah, the Gospel of Thomas (also not in the bible)
Although I am puzzled that
>>2682948
complained about the Tarantino quote but not
>>2682900

"Fuck bitches, get money" Deuteronomy 23:13

>>2682978

Maybe not in your bible.

Enjoy your enslavement to the whore of Rome.

"...And, oh, Jesus and the Disciples went to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And, oh, the Disciples did run shrieking "What a big fucking lizard, Lord!" But Jesus was unafraid. He took the splinter from the brontosaurus' paw, and the big lizard became his friend. Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat families and fat dollar bills. And, oh, Scotland did praise the Lord."
Hicks - 3:16

>>2682988

I literally love you.. Another dead hero.

>>2682948
it is. it's Ezekiel 25:17

>>2682931
>>2682948

11 And I will execute judgments upon Moab; and they shall know that I am the Lord.

12 Thus saith the Lord God; Because that Edom hath dealt against the house of Judah by taking vengeance, and hath greatly offended, and revenged himself upon them;

13 Therefore thus saith the Lord God; I will also stretch out mine hand upon Edom, and will cut off man and beast from it; and I will make it desolate from Teman; and they of Dedan shall fall by the sword.

14 And I will lay my vengeance upon Edom by the hand of my people Israel: and they shall do in Edom according to mine anger and according to my fury; and they shall know my vengeance, saith the Lord God.

15 Thus saith the Lord God; Because the Philistines have dealt by revenge, and have taken vengeance with a despiteful heart, to destroy it for the old hatred;

16 Therefore thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I will stretch out mine hand upon the Philistines, and I will cut off the Cherethims, and destroy the remnant of the sea coast.

17 And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.

So Tarantino tidied it up a bit, gave it a bit of pizzazz. It's Hollywood, eh.

>>2682996


see

>>2682998

>17 And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them.
is Ezekiel 25:17

Don't you people even read scripture anymore?

>And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
~Python 23:31

>>2683006
>Don't you people even read scripture anymore?
>...read scripture anymore?
>...anymore?

>>2683006
this isn't a scripture thread. fuck off, christfag

>>2682984
The Gospel of Thomas was unearthed in 1945 AD, so it was never part of anyone's bible.

I quote all of my Bible passages from Da Jesus Book, a translation of the Bible into Hawaiian Pidgin:

http://www.pidginbible.org/Concindex.html

Sample text:
Da Boss Above, he take care me,
Jalike da sheep farma take care his sheeps.
He goin give me everyting I need.

He let me lie down wea da sweet an soft grass stay.
He lead me by da water wea I can rest.

He give me new kine life.
He lead me in da road dat stay right,
Cuz I his guy.

Have fun.

He is covered in light like a cloak. He has stretched out Heaven like a curtain. Psalm 104:2

And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. Ecclesiastes 1:17

>>2682978
The Tarantino post was the only one I had read, it was the bottom-most at the time of my first sighting of this thread. Being the e/lit/ist I am, I had to flaunt my sperglord power level immediately.

>>2683015
What's the deal with the gnostic gospels? Why aren't they accepted by the major denominations? I mean, that would suggest they were a strictly modern and probably weird cult like mormonism or scientology. But I think Gnostic tradition goes way back to Ancient greeks and such. So yeah what's the deal? Are they whackos or just not considered in the catholic or protestant traditions for some mundane reason?

>>2683015

Are you seriously implying that it wasn't in existence before 1945? That the Nag Hammadi find was the only copy ever made? That the gospel wasn't a part of Early Christian worship, along with the rest of "The Bible" that was extirpated from the Canon in a process culminating at the Council of Trent in the 16th century?

Your posts are usually better than this - think on, oldfag.

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.

>>2683027
Dude, I love it. Thanks!

>>2683040
maybe it was written and hidden right away. you can't prove it wasnt

>>2683040
*sigh*
Christian documents are very well preserved, including a large number of the personal letters of bishops form the 2nd and 3rd Centuries. The Church has always been very good at keeping records*including* records of things like heresies, schisms, etc. Commentaries on and references to non-biblical/gnostic/pagan writings are very common and theologians have been referring to, quoting, and commenting on these things since the 2nd and 3rd Centuries, and we have records of this.
In all of this, when we have good copies of, references to and quotes from TONS of books that didn't make the cut, were rejected, etc. we have NO reference to the Gospel of Thomas until we happen to find a copy in Nag Hammadi in the 20th Century.
Obviously, it was not common, not widespread, not influential - most likely there were no more than 3 copies and it was sheer happenstance that one of them survived.

Also, 'the bible' isn't something that fell from the skies and has been cut down - it was purposefully collected and translated BY the Catholic Church and hasn't been changed since (I love the Council of Trent reference - all they did at Trent was repeat the canon of the bible *again* because of Protestants removing books).

>>2683037
Because Gnosticism != Christianity. It would be like adding Zen texts.

>>2683065
well that's not exactly accurate. Gnosticism is linked to christian thought through its origins. it tells the same story with the same characters, just stressing different level of importance on them
eastern texts have much less to do with christianity so the analogy fails. why you got to be like this? gees

Yahweh as the demiurge just made too much sense for people to not make a religion out of it.

hey gnosticfags,
why does the supreme being permit the demiurge to exist if stands against all that is holy ?

christians:1
gnostics:0

>>2683065

That's more like it.

Like most arguments over Early Christianity, it's full of educated guesswork, but it hangs together.

My personal feeling is the The Gospel of Thomas was probably a Manichean scripture, and was in wide circulation, but then eliminated with Manicheanism. Since this was one of the biggest heretical threats to the early church, the whole thing was utterly suppressed with all the rigour and fire we'd expect from these early men of God.

There were almost certainly a lot more than 3 copies made, but there may well have only been 3 left when the Romish church had finished with the thing.

Then again, maybe it was beamed down by Space Aliens into that cave (and I bet there's someone on these here interwebs who says it's so) - there's no way to prove anything.

*Some* Gnostics *claim* to be related to Christianity and some wrote texts attempting to show that The Father and Christ were actually certain figures, but the two concepts are still rather different. It most likely derived from the mystery cults of Mitra and (hence) from Zaroastrianism. SInce the mystery cults were quite prevalent in Greece at the time the impact of the rapidly-growing Christianity would have been attractive to the Mitraists, who desired growth, and converts would have brought the Gnostic concepts with them, etc.

If a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod and he dies at his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, he survives a day or two, no vengeance shall be taken; for he is his property. exodus 21:20-21

>>2683084

>if stands against all that is holy ?

It doesn't.

>>2683093
admittedly ive only read a dictionary definition of gnosticism but it does say that it is 'antagonistic to all that is purely spiritual'. explain that!

>>2683103

No-one can actually explain gnosticism to you - that's kind of the point.

>The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao
>The name that can be named is not the eternal name
>The nameless is the origin of Heaven and Earth
>The named is the mother of myriad things

So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.

>>2683088
Except, of course, that we have titles, quotes from, references to, and descriptions of scores of Manichean works (as I mentioned) and even a reference to (wait for it) *A* gospel of thomas - but the quotes from it are very different from the gospel of thomas found at Nag Hammadi.
Further, Manichean religion was truly separate from Christianity, although it tried to syncretise and absorb Christianity, its origins were well known and quite, quite different!

Off to dinner

>>2683107
so 'it's unexplainable' is your answer? okay okay, now I see why christian tradition won the battle

it's a shame, because briefly i thought i was onto something there. the whole idea of a supreme god only acting in translation of the lesser god seems like the perfect explanation for all imperfections of the world.

but nevermind, gnosticism looks like some shitty attempt to fuse taoism and christianity and it doesn't work if it just turns out to be 'lol we can't explain it which is why we're right!'

>>2683121

>so 'it's unexplainable' is your answer?

It's not my answer - it's the gnostic answer. The whole point is supposed to be that you come to individual understanding of your place in the universe and obtain direct knowledge of the divinity.

Or you can go to church and put some money on a plate after some fat cunt in a dress tells you you're shit - it's basically your choice.

>>2683119
Fucking old people always eating dinner way earlier than normal people. Use your theology degree to explain that shit!

>>2683152

Maybe he lives in a place where it's really really late.

Or he's working class - they eat dinner early, no?

>>2683154
Maybe. Maybe he's eating liver with a side of coleslaw, and washing down his gout medication with a glass of prune juice. Codger-licious! I hope you don't accidentally spill any on those knee high socks, gramps! Social Security aint what it used to be.

Do people still get gout? You never hear about it. It's like hunchbacks - where the fuck did those guys all go?

>>2683154
>Or he's working class - they eat dinner early, no?

We usually eat anytime between 5 and 9.

>>2683177

Yeah, my dad has gout.

>>2683186

Did he get it from drinking port?

Does he sit in front of the fire at his club in a bathchair with a hilariously bandaged foot that sticks out from under his tartan blanket?

>>2683217

Haha, I fucking wish. He got it from being an Iowan red meat-eater.

>>2683177

Oh god; I'm reminded of the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby gets gout from the mall deli.

Priceess

I want more nonsensical bible verses. Like the wizard one.

>>2683249

>On the journey, while they were encamped for the night, the Lord met Moses and would have killed him. But Zipporah picked up a sharp flint, cut off her son's foreskin and touched Moses' privates with it, saying, "You are my bridegroom." So the Lord let Moses alone. It was on that occasion she said, "Blood bridegroom by circumcision!"

- Exodus 4: 24-26

>>2683152
Well, I get home to a cocktail then sit with my kids for about an hour to talk. After that I go to the keeping room and talk to my wife while she cooks dinner. Then, dinner. After dinner I go to the porch with a cigar and some port. Total time - 3 and a half to 4 hours with the actual eating from, oh, 7:30 to 8:00.

>>2683170
I do enjoy liver and onions with brussels sprouts! Of course, I am about 23 years from getting social security....

>>2684902
>Well, I get home to a cocktail then sit with my kids for about an hour to talk

Drinks alcohol first, then interacts with family

yup, this guy really is a married oldfag.

I've read hardly a thing in the Bible, but I like this verse:

>Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men

Revelation, 9:3-10:

3 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
4 And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.
5 And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
6 And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
7 And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.
8 And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.
9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.
10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.

But really, all of Revelations is pretty cool.

As an atheist I like Leviticus the most. There are many other gems though, it's a brilliant book. Much cooler than the Quran.

“Do you give the horse its strength
or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?
Do you make it leap like a locust,
striking terror with its proud snorting?
It paws fiercely, rejoicing in its strength,
and charges into the fray.
It laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
it does not shy away from the sword.
The quiver rattles against its side,
along with the flashing spear and lance.
In frenzied excitement it eats up the ground;
it cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.
At the blast of the trumpet it snorts, ‘Aha!’
It catches the scent of battle from afar,
the shout of commanders and the battle cry.

Job 39:19-25

Ecclesiastes 9
17 The words of the wise heard in quietness are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools. 18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

>>2682900
thats from planet of the apes. Not the bible. WTF