/lit/ - Literature

billy mumphrey stories

>Reading in the bathroom.

Shitting takes me 1-2 minutes, why would I even bother?

novels, philosophy, poetry

>>2632056
>giving relevance to the actual content of you bathroom readings

>>2632065
>not reading in the bathroom

The Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan.

I use the Yon app and read /lit/.

Really? Nobody read in the bathroom?

I brows 4chan on my android.

Whatever book I'm currently reading.

Either my current book, or the website I'm browsing on my laptop.

i've never understood how long some people take to poop

for me a poop takes less than 30 second, maybe a minute max if i'm slow.

>>2632487
What? you're really lucky.

>>2632491
wait

what's wrong with other people that makes them take so long?

>>2632493
I suppose it's depend of what you eat.

Large and expensive books on french impressionism.

>>2632487
You must be young. :)

>>2632493

Ok heres a question, how much shit comes out?

mfw I take 5 minutes minimum 10-15 tops every time. I never feel like all the shit is out and sit there pushing to get every bit out for 5-10 minutes straight, eventually gets out. If I just got up after the main turds came out I would still feel like I had to shit.

Also I always have foot long rope turds, literally foot longs, I hardly ever have anything less than 6 inches.

>>2632493
It varies by diet. Some people poop a lot at one time with fewer poops throughout the day while others take multiple small poops throughout the day.

>>2632509 this exactly

Main poop comes out, then spend forever pushing out little tiny bits to get every little bit out. Doesn't feel right if I don't.

magazines

We all need more fiber.

>>2632509
In the mornings when I want to shit I have a cup of hot coffee or put in a lip of tobacco. Then I wait a few minutes. As soon as I sit on the toilette I evacuate my bowels of everything within 30 seconds.

>>2632513
I poop once a day. How about everyone else?
I'm curious.

>>2632536

Give or take.

I try and read on the can, but I find have to focus on the shitting.

>>2632536
Just enough to read War and Peace.

---------------------
No one else reads novels in the bathroom?

>>2632547
I prefer history in the bathroom. Don't know why.

>>2632536
Once a day usually, sometimes twice but that's rare. How often did you guys shit when you were younger? I'm pretty sure I only did it like once a week sometimes. Is that weird?

>>2632553
I don't remember how many times. I do remember it didn't take nearly as long.

Whenever I need to defecate, I just bring whatever book I'm currently reading in with me.
If the book is excellent, or I'm really into it at that point in time, I'll bring it in when I need to urinate, as well.

>>2632547

I do. Why would one read anything else?

I don't take long enough shits, and the people who take long shits to read are sick weirdo hedonists because they go slow so they can enjoy the feeling of shit exiting their anus (old people excluded).

>reading on the can

>>2632565
Thank you for excluding me.
A long time ago, when I was really depressed, taking a poop was the high point of my day. I was young though, so the high point didn't last all that long.

Every two or three days.

And to the people who are pushing non-stop, I don't think that's good for your butt.

I poop at least 3 times a day.

>>2632565

i have the plays of Aristophanes on my toilet.

but i have been planning to move it to my bed-side, because i don't really do much reading on there. i don't understand how someone could sit there for so long, that they can make meaningful headway in a book or magazine.

Churchills WW2 memoirs. I like to think he'd appreciate it.

>>2632663
hehehe

The Economist.

This just might be the best poop thread /lit/ has ever had.
I'm honored to have been a part of it.
One time a day. Always history. Takes a while, maybe 10 to 15 pages.

>>2632765
>10 to 15 pages
Maybe you should consider some Colon Blow

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/colon-blow/229046

>>2632766
I keep reading till a natural break in the book comes.
But I might look into this Colon Blow anyway.

>>2632056
Illustrated guide to axis fighters and attack aircraft

Illustrated guide to modern warships

Illustrated guide to allied bombers of ww2

all them salamander guides, esp Bill Gunton.

Either a magazine or flash fiction. Not the New Yorker.

I'm literally taking a Shit right now.

I, too, am not on for long enough for it to be worth it. I like the idea, since it would be an opportunity to just sit and read, but it never works: too quick.

Do you tedious-poopers eat lots of fiber, or very little? How much fat do you have in your diets?

Whatever I'm reading at the time

Though heavy hardcovers are sometimes easier to read in the Shitting Pose than while laying or sitting otherwise

>>2632840
This.

A shit takes less than a minute. How can you guys read anything at all in that time? Do you just sit over your mess for minutes and hours, or what? That's nasty.

It hasn't been a good venture to the toilet unless your feet are sleeping afterwards.

>>2632884

>>2632876
>has never stimulated his distended shitslicked anus as it lurches downward to expel waste with the same finger he just used to serve up another double dose of delicious Camus

>>2632876
Yes, exactly (though there are often miniturds that take several extra minutes - even ten + - to get out.

I don't see what's nasty about sitting above something that's been inside you for hours.

>>2632876
Lots of fiber. Very clean colon. Also, I mercy flush so I'm not sitting over my shit while its smell spreads around me. You're obviously an only child. I relish my time in that little room separate and free from everyone else. No one gives you shit if you're on the toilet. Everyone respects toilet time. And if you want to take a little extra time to finish a chapter, who is going to ask what you were doing? Worst case scenario they ask if you're sick. Bathroom is the best place to read hands down. Public toilets I'm and out. No lingering.

>>2632914
I never mercy flush. Maybe my poop doesn't smell. Or I could be hard of smelling.

>>2632914
Jesus, /lit/.

This thread makes you all sound like 60 year olds with Metamucil coupons magnetted to your fridges.

>>2632928
enjoy your colonic irregularities

>>2632932
Hmm? The time it taken for bowel movements is positively correlated with the incidence of colon cancer. Doing your business quickly is healthier or a sign of good colon health, not the opposite.

>>2632943
Saying "doing your business" is a sign of being a faggot, not the opposite.

Let's not ruin a really good thread on pooping by getting mad.

>>2632952
Oh, sorry, I meant to say shitting in your mother's mouth quickly is better for me and for her. If I do it too slow, she's swallows most of it up before I can turn around and use my dick to plow turds down her throat.

p.s. Fuck you.

>>2632959
>>2632963
lol, I deserved that. I wrote my post in a totally joking spirit, but, rereading it, it sounds pretty cut-and-drly mean.

The Cambridge Companion to Ayn Rand.

It's like a middle brow version of Everyone Poops.

I have some Calvin & Hobbes books in there.

please don't call it pooping

i had a fundie housemate who loved to talk about his colon health & experiences shitting, but always referred to it as "pooping," and the progeny of the act as "poops." for some reason, that terminology, when used in a conversation that is held exclusively among people in their 20s (no children present to justify watching your language), would make me feel a whole lot dirtier to be talking about it than if we'd just used "shitting" and "shites."

That feel when you learned pushing when you poop causes cancer :(

that feel when you learned that 6-year-olds try to hold their poops in halfway-pooped suspension, then wiggle them in and out, because they enjoy the sexual sensation that comes with doing it

I'm currently reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling in the bathroom.

>>2632963
that doesn't even make any sense. it looks as though you tried to come up with a "was fuckin yo mum last night" joke on the fly, wanted it to involve something about varying rates of colonic evacuation, then put down the first idea that came to mind—even though it's completely retarded.

>hmm, let's see, well it should probably involve shitting into his mother's mouth. let's see, i also need to work that into a sexual context—not just shitting into her mouth for shits & giggles, so to speak, but as part of a sex act. maybe she is also sucking my cock? i'll set it up where i have her sucking my dick, after which i shit into her mouth? eh, they don't work together very well that way. OH I KNOW...

meanwhile the cutesy post-script bit just serves to strengthen the initial accusation, that in your choice of words & phrases, you seem to be identifying yourself as a faggot.

>>2632056
I read /lit/ on my phone.

If I don't read books or at least surf through my self phone, I focus intensely on how odd it feels to shit, or how the voices from outside the bathroom are giving me "stage-fright" and forestalling my shit from exiting my rectum.

I usually read comic strip collections in the bathroom. Calvin & Hobbes is a good one to keep for shitting in comfort. If I try reading a book, I'll end up sitting on the toilet for half an hour long after the poops have subsided.

Mein Krampf

It should be noted in this thread that Martin Luther was inspired to launch the Reformation while taking a poop.
My nomination for Greatest Poop Of All Time.

This

>>2633423
>>2633425
I don't like these posts.

>>2633681
I don't like that meme either.

>>2633688
Are you saying I responded to a meme, or that my post is a meme?

>>2633681
good, now gtfb2 reddit.

I read Thought Catalog on my phone whilst in the bathroom. It only feels right to be shitting while reading shit.

Just had my poop of the day. Read only 4 pages of The Peloponnesian War so was relatively quick poop.