/lit/ - Literature

Deportation irony is on the horizon :o

Abandoned. My children, my wife, my mother, my brother and sister--people whom I hold dear and who depended on me--have been abandoned by me, AGAINST MY WILL.
Contrary to any common sense, I got summoned to another world to fight in some war for the sake of complete strangers.
They could not pick another, they said, as I was the best candidate. They cannot take me back. I must fight the hordes. I must save them. Poor little them. So they said.
My children might be starving right now; my wife, forced to whore herself; my mother, dying; my siblings, worked like slaves--but I must let them suffer like this, for the sake of royal faggots who could not be bothered to fight their own wars.
I will kill them. I will slaughter them. I will murder every single one of them.
I must enact my vengeance to quell this anger--but I am much too weak right now.
That is why I am trudging on my lonesome through this forest teeming with monsters, barely containing these emotions, seeking power to destroy my enemies and go back home.
I will go back home.

Thoughts on this little excerpt? This is Isekai btw.

>>23453312
Is that the summary on the back cover? I'd read your book.

I give up trying to give my characters good names, I'm just gonna give them the most cringe names I possibly can.

>>23453317
Thank you. I'm not really writing anything, I just thought that this is how one of the chapters would begin if I were to write it.
Glad you liked it.

>>23453326
I like the concept of the isekai guy being the victim and wanting to destroy the world he was summoned to. I can't think of ever seeing that before, but I'm sure somewhere in the depths of Japanland it must exist. Shouldn't stop you from doing it too.

>>23453332
Thanks :D

Which of these sound best?
>1. Jane stroked, rolling back John’s foreskin, his tip glistening.
>2. Decisive ( or some other adjective) strokes rolled back/retracted John’s foreskin
>3. John’s foreskin retracted/rolled back as Jane stroked, tip glistening. (like this one personally)
>4. Jane’s stroking rolled back/retracted John’s foreskin
>5. Foreskin rolling back as Jane stroked, the tip glistened

These threads have got me wanting to write fantasy. The one I'm working on now is grounded in the real world and feels so restrictive. Also there's so much less words because there's no reason to describe basic things like a car, you just say Ford Expedition and move on, but in a fantasy you can spent a paragraph showing how the carriage is supported by hover magic and what kinds of cool regal draperies hang off it.

I'm 4 chapters away from finishing my story now but t-b-h I'm already getting bored of it.

>>23453342
remove the gross foreskin

>>23453361
That's exactly why I included it because society's machine overlords deemed circumcision a barbaric practice and discontinued the practice for humanity's own good.

>>23453381
you should rewrite it to be the opposite so it wont be so gross anymore

>>23453358
True.

How do I write mecha into my story?
>Jack grasped the joystick inside the cockpit of his giant robot. The gears hummed and whirled after Jack pressed the ignition switch. Displays lit up and Maria's voice blared through the speakers inside.
"Jack can you hear me?" Maria's voice said.
"Loud and clear," Jack replied.
"You're cleared for take-off."
"Rodger. The damn Japs won't know what will hit them. They thought they're the only ones that knew how to build these things?" Jack said. "Their ZZ's, Victories, Exias, 00's, won't be able to match us. Right buddy?"
"Optimus-3, Big-0, and Sentinel, you three will be taking the vanguard. Your mission? Take Okinawa!" General Eisenhower ordered.
"Easy-peasy, fresh and breezy," Jack said.

>>23453430
The thing about mechas is that much of the appeal is the spectacle of giant robots fighting, which is best shown through visual mediums as opposed to literature
Literature is better for the vague and the formless that can only really be shaped in the imagination

>>23453436
true, this is why i only read abstract word salad

>>23453451
kek

>>23453430
>Jack grasped the joystick inside the cockpit of his giant robot.
This sounds very erotic.

>Jack gripped the control stick with both fists. The rattle of grinding gears filled the cockpit once he pressed the ignition. Monitors flashed in succession, sparking to life and filling the pod with an ambient red hue. A burst of static, then Marla's voice cut through the mechanical clatter.
>"Jack, can you hear me?" Marla's voice said through the speakers behind Jack's seat.
>etc.

>>23453361
the jewish genital mutilation cult must be exterminated
death to israel and death to all yahweh worshipers

I'm really enjoying this Robert Butler Inside Creative Writing series, it's giving me a lot of inspiration and motivation.

>have to rewrite my fantasy book
>holy shit i need to dump 3/4 of it away
>lose all motivation to fix it
>it's going to need to be written again
>it'll take me 10 years to fix everything.

Fuck this.

60k words into my new story now. The journey still left to go looked immeasurably distant before, but when I got down to it and listed the remaining key plot points in order, there weren't all that many. I'm maybe 1/3 of the way through, if I keep it simple.

I think after I have a buffer of some 10 more chapters, I'll try post it as a web novel and see if anyone likes it. If not, I'll wrap it up with an open end and carry on with my life.

>>23453605
Why do you have to rewrite it anon?

I unironically enjoy reading my own writing, but somehow I feel like I shouldn't, like it should be akin to listening to my own voice on recording. And yet, I go back to something from a few months back and it reads great. At worst I get annoyed at an off phrase here or typo there.

I learned I can't describe things for shit. I got this country club and my MC is standing outside the gate at the entrance and I'm trying to paint the scene.

>So there's like, a white building. And it's, um, two stories tall I guess. And has those red tile roofs. There's palm trees because that's what fancy resorts have.
>Yeah okay... oh, and there's a tennis court, no wait, two tennis courts off to the side. Yeah...

fml. I can visualize it perfectly but can't transcribe that into words to save my life.

How do I get over writer's block?

>>23453605
>10 years
>for a single book
Emperor's Domination was recently completed after a 10-year run. It stands at 10+ million words. It's chinkslop, repetitive chinkslop at that, but still - 10 million words. 10. Million.

How can you call yourself a writer if your pitiful work, which likely spans no more than 1% of that, takes a full decade? Is a literal bugman better than you?

>>23453615
it makes absolutely no sense, beta reader got mad there was sex scenes, and it needs to be far more creative.

>>23453630
That's like competing with a printer or chatbot in output. That subhuman exists only to beat the keyboard, burning out its body and mind in the process. It doesn't have a soul and the result is gibberish too. Don't go down that way at all. Quantity is a meaningless measure in writing anyway.

>>23453630
>How can you call yourself a writer if your pitiful work, which likely spans no more than 1% of that, takes a full decade? Is a literal bugman better than you?
Most literate litRPG reader

>>23453637
a competent author should be able to complete a 100k word novel in about a year
not a first draft, the whole thing

>>23453638
According to?

>>23453630
>10 million words
Are they real words or runes? I feel like that makes a big difference.

>>23453632
>it needs to be far more creative.
I can relate. I feel mine is fairly bland as well, enough that no publisher would want it. Still, I like what I have so far.

Was the sex scene the beta reader's only problem? If it's purposefully done, like plot relevant, then it should be no problem. If it's just smut for smut's sake then maybe you could tone it down a little. You shouldn't have to scrap the whole thing just because someone got mad.

>>23453638
>a competent author
Yes, that describes 4chan well. We are all highly educated linguistic masters here.

>>23453638
>please please please tie your sense of self-worth as a writer to the amount of words you can put on a page!!! i-if we could all just agree that it's the metric of metrics that... that would be great for me...!!!!!
lol

>>23453659
it's plot relevant. I'm the fantasy fag that has the MC have a incestual relationship with the ghost of her dead brother because of survivor's guilt, but I don't have enough subtle hints littered throughout the book. I'm ready to just downright tell the reader she's bonkers.

>>23453669
local retard doesn't understand points of comparison
in other news water is wet and /lit/ doesn't actually like books

>>23453636
how can we bring classic euro-chauvinism back as the dominant attitude in the world through our writing?

>>23453638
Hm.
100,000 / 365 = 273 words a day. Which is more than reasonable. I said yesterday that I am on 1000 words a day.

But you are saying the book needs to be finished in a year. So the year includes editing time. How long does it take for you to edit your 100k book? Also I'd love to see one of these 100k books you have written.

>>23453312
Interesting. My only critique is that it borders on being edgy but that just might be the 'faggot' in there. But the thought of being summoned into a world and instead of saving it you try and get revenge is interesting. Is this meant to be a dark comedy type of story?

>>23453605
What happened? Was it a gaping plot hole? Do you prewrite before writing the first draft?

>>23453430
Even if it's in jank translation form, I'd suggest reading the original Gundam trilogy.
I think Tomino did a pretty good job making the fights visceral there. They're far more brutal than what any of the shows depict.
You could probably get some good ideas from it if nothing else (and it's quite an entertaining read.)
I've also heard some of the battletech books are good but I haven't gotten around to reading any yet.

>>23453605
>holy shit i need to dump 3/4 of it away
>it'll take me 10 years to fix everything.
Have you been told to get rid of 3/4 or have you been given notes that have made you realise that's how much you need to dump? I don't know how publishing works.

>>23453714
I'm sure you intended this as a gotcha by way of "do as you say", but I'll disappoint you by actually calling you on it.

I wrote Vol. 1 of Cherno Caster over the course of about 5 months, which can be considered the second or perhaps third draft due to my serialized editing method. It was picked up for publishing in mid-2023 and edited over the course of half a year in three passes.
It's finished and basically just waiting for the audiobook to be done before release.

A friend of mine, James Krake, is much faster, writing and editing a book in the span of about 3 months on average and working on multiple projects at once.

>>23453430
Read the Brigador novel. Or listen to the audiobook, it's free on youtube and fantastic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNBM_xjPpj0&list=PLon-eCq6oXhT069_G8_bx5RFQ1MqhD_pH

>>23453711
It's basically the status-quo already. When you ask for recommendations on genres that originated in the east, you often get western takes on them because westerners just do them better than the countries of origin ever did. LitRPG, xianxia, isekai, regression, etc.

>>23453741
>I'm sure you intended this as a gotcha by way of "do as you say", but I'll disappoint you by actually calling you on it.
Not a gotcha, I just have autism so I come across as abrupt sometimes. I posted about how I struggle to push past 1000 words yesterday so this is relevant to what I am currently struggling with.
100k in 5 months means 7 months in editing time, and like 600-700 words a day of writing time. It's crazy because 100k in a year sounds like a lot but when you break it down like this it really isn't. And 7 months is more than enough time.
The only thing I will say is that you seem to be writing a series, which does give you the opportunity to leave loose threads in your story. A standalone 100k novel may take a bit more time to write since you are trying to include everything, which is why you might get some hate for your original post.
Despite that you still put your money where your mouth is and have actually published a book so good job.

>>23453751
>the 'tism
fair

Regarding the editing time, it really should've been a lot faster. It could've been done in 3 months.

>>23453753
Were you averaging 600-700 words a day when writing?

Still can’t believe that when I was writing daily I managed to write 60k fairly readable words in 14 days.

I am the anon who is now struggling to write over 600 words per day because of a 6 month sparse writing streak and an entire month of 0 writing done at all.

>>23453755
more, closer to 1500, but I was (and still am) working on Cherno as well as a second series simultaneously
admittedly I've slowed down to a crawl recently but that's a matter of real life issues that I won't mention here

>>23453757
my god, I feel your pain
when you lose that momentum it really is like skinning yourself with a butterknife to get it going again

>>23453761
real life is hard to avoid I get it.
maybe you have some advice for me >>23452130 from last thread

>>23453766
>advice for that guy
I don't think I do. I've run up against the same exact problem. I don't know how to solve it. To make it worse, I've met freaks of nature who can just shit out thousands of words of quality prose daily while working a full-time job and having 3 kids. It's anguish-inducing. Best you can do is do your best.

>>23453757
A few years ago, 6-8k words per day, every day, was completely normal for me and didn't take any special effort. Then I fucked up my hands at work somehow and now I can barely write 2k on a good day before my wrists and finger joints start to burn so bad I feel like vomiting. And can only write that much on maybe 2-3 days a week. Having the need, the will, and inspiration to write but being physically unable to is the worst kind of hell.

>>23453776
consider using voice to text

I'm impressed people itt can write 500+ words a day. And I'm assuming they are quality words, not just random train of thought nonsense. I struggle to get 500 usable words because I can't think up enough scenes. I mean of course I can come up with random junk, but I mean scenes that hold actual meaning and an editor wouldn't just cut without a second thought.

>>23453769
>Best you can do is do your best.
I guess that's it. 1000 a day is enough, as you've just shown.

>>23453783
I have had a lot of time to think about my story and plan it out in my head, it's really just about finding the right words for the scene.
If I am going in blind then 500/600 is normally my max before I hit stamina issues again.

>>23453782
I thought about it, but I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts verbally, and do a lot of revising while writing. But guess I'll have to start learning.

>>23453794
Maybe a mix. VTT to shit out the bulk of it and hands to do the fine work.

>>23453783
I would recommend reading short stories, for I had much the same problem as you until I started to really get into reading short stories.

>>23453783
500 words is really not a lot by any measure. I don't write very quickly, and carefully consider my word choices, but 500 words doesn't even take half an hour. If it occupies you the whole day, I can only assume there's a lot of mindless staring at air involved.

is writing actually fun for you?

not this anon>>23453783

>>23453798
Yeah. The vast majority of my writing time is not in fact spent writing but thinking of what to write next. It's usually bursts of 200-300 words.

>>23453802
I somehow doubt I would have written nearly as much as I have if it wasn't. Certainly Type 2 fun almost as often as Type 1, though.

>>23453802
yeah, knowing I will write at the end of the day gets me through work, but it does take a lot of mental energy so I get tired after 1000 or so words.

>>23453798
>If it occupies you the whole day
But do you actually have the whole day to write? I was much more productive when unemployed because I had the whole day, but now I have to work around my job.

>>23453813
Then don't whine about how "I can only write 500 words a day!" Congratulate yourself for being able to write 500 words in an hour, or what time you actually have. Or quit your worthless job.

>>23453818
Oh I'm this anon >>23453808 so I average about 1000 a day. But I'm not whining, you just need to be realistic about people's life commitments when it comes to writing schedules. For example
>Or quit your worthless job.
is not a solution. But I agree that if you take a whole day to write that much you're probably finding ways to distract yourself.

It's hard to pick good scenes. Like I have a scene where two guys sit on a couch and watch golf. During a commercial they see something that kicks off the next chapter.

Is there a better way to get them to find out about it to progress the plot? Probably a thousand. But I couldn't come up with one.

>>23453741
I know you are more familiar than most anons regarding the web-novel scenes, so I’d like to ask you:

How receptive are audiences to an almost supernaturally evil MC? Here’s an example of the MC’s overarching goal:

Because he is offended at the notion of humanity existing outside of our Earth, he aims to subject all living beings in the world he finds himself in, sapient or not, to an eternal state of suffering that shall never wear out its horror nor terribleness. To corrupt every being into a state of natural evil yet have them retain enough good to understand the enormity of their actions and but unable to control themselves.

>>23453783
>And I'm assuming they are quality words, not just random train of thought nonsense
Big assumption kek

>>23453827
I'm not big into evil MCs and don't write it myself, but I'll give you my take based on my knowledge:

Depends on execution. Villain MCs are common. Explicitly evil villain MCs, even. You have a better chance of getting good reception if you write xianxia. You might even get Reverend Insanity fans coming to your story to get their fix, if you make your MC smart enough and not just a gibbering cartoon retard.

I would say your best bet is to make him Lawful Evil - evil, but with a clear moral code, just a twisted one. It's boring to read an evil MC if it's just a fodder shitbag villain with MC privileges.

>>23453836
Have there been any authors who write villain mcs but refuse to call them villains and insinuate that their actions are objectively good and just?

>>23453846
plenty

>>23453846
I mean this in the kindest possible way but it sounds like you are stuck in the traditional black and white roles of a fantasy story. Morally grey characters, sometimes downright villains, are very commonplace as MCs in literature. American Psycho is an extremely famous example. If your character is competent at something then sometimes that's all you need to attract a reader's attention.
People will probably be put off when someone is a cartoon villain who lacks intelligence and has childish goals. But even then, there's probably a way to write that as satire or something.

>>23453305
is posting poetry in this thread a good idea if I want some feedback? I'm only asking because it seems like the quality of poster here is higher than in the poetry general

>>23453857
You can try, but scan through this thread and take note of how many people are talking about anything other than word quotas and fantasy/scifi dreck and consider whether or not you think people here are qualified to comment on poetry.

>>23453856
I know how morally gray MCs are very common in literature, in fact I read picaresques. My questions have been asked with their context being as such: will the web-novel audience tolerate it? I thank you for answering my question, though I prefer to be very thorough since I am well aware of a growing trend of the recent generation’s (who are likely to be a majority of web-novel readers) pseudo-puritanical bent. I had the assumption that some stories were completely out of the question among the web-novel audience but now know that the web-novel audience is like any other audience: if it’s good enough they’ll tolerate and even come to like it.

>>23453857
I agree with the other anon, we'll give you feedback but it probably won't be as useful as going to /pg/ (poetry general) and posting there.

>>23453861
>>23453867
good point, thanks, anons
the good /pg/ people have been absent recently and I thought to check here

>>23453861
I find it fascinating that, 200 years ago, you would be scoffing at the idea of fiction at all while wanking yourself to the dubiously-real "memoirs" of fictional soldiers

>>23453865
Then I would say that you shouldn't let the puritan-types affect your writing, especially if you already know the kind of character you want to write. Write the story first, worry about the audience later.
>if it’s good enough they’ll tolerate and even come to like it.
This is basically my opinion. As long as I am open to criticism to improve my ability as a writer then I will write what I want. It's the craft that needs to be worked on to appeal to the audience, the story itself is whatever YOU as the author want to express.

If you're really worried about controversy then there's some basic things you can do. Like don't make your MC rape anybody or be a pedophile or a nazi sympathiser or something so ridiculously obviously bad that people will be put off from the blurb alone. But a MC that has no morals and is a little bit of a murderer every now and again? Yeah you can market that easily.

>>23453896
hyper-pragmatic murderhobos make up, at least, 40% of all webnovel protagonists

I keep starting short stories and then dropping them. I wanna start a new one but I feel like I shouldn't until I go back and finish my other ones.

>>23454069
how short are these stories? You need to practice finishing.

>>23454070
I know how to finish them, I've finished one in the past, I just can't bring myself to open and finish the other ones because I have a new idea in my head and I really want to get it out but I know I should finish my other ones first.
>how short are these stories?
I don't know, man, short?

>>23454074
>I know how to finish them, I've finished one in the past, I just can't bring myself to open and finish the other ones because I have a new idea in my head and I really want to get it out but I know I should finish my other ones first.
Yeah you need to practice the discipline of finishing and not being enticed by new ideas. I'm not being rude, I'm telling you as a person who has experienced this and has wasted time on those new ideas instead of doing the most productive thing: finishing an existing idea.
>I don't know, man, short?
A short story could be up to 15k words easily. The short stories I wrote to practice were 500-2000 words. It's an important question because if you're struggling to finish 15k words then that's a different problem from struggling to finish 1000 words, you get me?

>>23454076
>you get me?
I'm picking up what you're putting down. And don't worry, I know you're not tryna be rude. I just checked and one of them is 1400 words, one of them is just above 1000, and the others are just a couple hundred each. But like I said, it's not a matter of not knowing how to finish them, I just keep coming up with new ideas that I wanna write and forgetting about the old ones.

>>23454103
> But like I said, it's not a matter of not knowing how to finish them
I feel you. You know exactly what the story is and what's going to happen, but you want to move on to new ideas? The problem with new ideas is that they are shiny and enticing because they are still "perfect" in your head, and so compared to the first draft of your other idea it will ALWAYS seem like a better choice to switch. But that final stretch to finish your story is one of the most important things to practice and honestly it's where the real writing happens.

Once I got some finished stories under my belt the act of finishing a piece became a lot easier for me.

My suggestion for you would be to have a single document where you make notes when inspiration hits for new ideas, but keep your daily writing focus on a single story that needs to be finished. This way you're ensuring you're not "losing" the new idea because you've noted it down, but it's not distracting you from your main focus. Then once you're finished, you still have notes for what idea to choose next.

>>23453820
>you just need to be realistic about people's life commitments when it comes to writing schedules
Tell that to those who expect to be productive without the necessary time or energy.

>>23454122
>My suggestion for you would be to have a single document where you make notes when inspiration hits for new ideas
I have this, but I'm just so excited to write the new story, y'know? Wanna share some ideas that we've got for upcoming stories? I think that'd be a little bit of fun.

What do you do when you've hit a block due to depression?

>>23454137
Unfortunately there will always be people who look at the romanticised version of writing where they only write when inspiration hits and they supposedly never go a day without feeling inspired. Productive writers know that it takes discipline and routine, but it can still feel like a second job even if you love writing. I've worked around it but I get maybe 2 hours of free time a day once I have the job and writing done.
>>23454143
>I have this, but I'm just so excited to write the new story, y'know?
Yeah this is the thing that you'll need to work on. Like I was saying, a new idea will always seem more exciting.
>Wanna share some ideas that we've got for upcoming stories? I think that'd be a little bit of fun.
Sure, I haven't written a short story this year but I can give feedback to your ideas.
>>23454151
This will sound like a useless answer but you need to work on the depression, not the writing block. Therapy, exercise, go outside. Whatever actually works to help alleviate the depressive symptoms. If none of that works then maybe professional help. Also this website has a lot of shit posted purely to depress other anons, so be careful with what you are consuming.

>>23454074
>I just can't bring myself to open and finish the other ones
Don't overthink it. Maybe you're not finishing them because you don't feel the story anymore. Short stories are not works you dutifully complete. They have to live and seethe with each and every word. Go back and read what you wrote. If it doesn't speak to you, put it away into a discard pile or folder. I like to return every once in a while to make sure everything in the discard folder deserves to be there (and it usually does), but I don't feel married to anything I've written that no longer speaks to me. Take one look and use your intuition to decide. Don't think about it and tally up the pros and the cons. Just get a feeling for it and act on it.

>>23454198
>>23454158
Why are people on here being so reasonable and nice tonight? Something's off.

>>23454203
I've spent way too long complaining about how shit /lit/ and /wg/ have become so I am making a small effort to make it better. Mainly for selfish reasons. Also the idea of putting down amateur writers sickens me.

>>23454213

>>23454203
Don't worry. As soon as the patreon scam discourse revs up again, I'll be back to being nasty and mean in no time.

>>23454158
>We talk about my problem of not being able to finish my stories.
>I chuck on a quick "Advice about writing from Neil Gaiman" video.
>His first piece of advice is "finish things".

>>23454368
kek yeah you'll see it from a lot of writers because no matter what genre or format or era you are writing in everybody has to deal with the same problems of finishing ideas instead of being attracted to new ones.

Gonna chuck on some music and get to writing, first time in a while, I'm excited. I'm also writing a genre that I don't write or read, should be good.

>>23453621
I have the same issue, I feel like I'm not being impartial when reading my work. Best thing to do is have someone else read it (hopefully another writer).

>>23454428
Do you have a friend or family member who you can have read it? Don't post it here, it could be the most perfect thing anyone has ever written and motherfuckers here will still find something to complain about.

>>23454408
I turned off the music, couldn't concentrate properly.

>>23454151
Like the best artists, you learn to write while depressed.

>>23453538
i have a foreskin which is how i know its gross and should be removed from that guys weird fiction

>>23453430
read soukou akki muramasa

>>23453342
John's pink glans popped into view, glistening, as Jane's firm stroke pulled down the foreskin. "Oh," he whispered. "Oh no." A bead of white liquid formed at the tip, then trickled down the side.
As he tensed and groaned, more milky ejaculate issued in weak spurts, running down Jane's fingers and soaking into the tangle of his pubic hair.
She couldn't stop herself from laughing. "What the hell? I barely even touched you." The warm little penis, done spewing, still twitched in her palm.
"Sorry," John said. "I'm so sorry."
"Your sister told me you were pathetic. Here." She extended her semen-slick hand towards him. "As punishment, you'll have to lick it all off. Say thank you."
"Thank you, Jane."
"Also, I'm telling everyone."

>>23454443
I joined a local writing workshop and I have the teacher (he has a Phd in Literature) read my work.
It's been super helpful, but also a little painful at times, the stories I thought were perfect still needed some work, he also provides a lot of good advice on pacing and readability.

This may not be available to everyone but I think having someone with experience take a look can do wonders, I hesitate showing my work to family and friends because I feel they'll only say good things, they also don't have a lot of experience reading so I could only use their thoughts as a 'layman' opinion which can be helpful, but not so much when you are trying to gain confidence in your writing.

>>23454151
What do I do? Give up. What does an actual writer do? Write anyway.

>>23454564
>I hesitate showing my work to family and friends because I feel they'll only say good things
Yeah, this is definitely a worry. Luckily for me though, my mum is quite based, and if I show her something that I've written and she thinks it's shit, she'll tell me.

>>23454535
>he experiences societally-induced disgust at own genitalia
how long until the inevitable troonout?

Wrote about 400 words tonight, feeling tired, gonna go to bed early, I didn't get good sleep last night.

>>23454586
no my peanitz is large so i dont doubt my own masculinity

>>23454629
like that's ever stopped anyone before kek

Penis inserted into the vagina and then the sex.

>>23454713
Beautiful. Please write more.

>>23454713
congratulations you have just become the latest winner of the Jnanpith Award

>>23454629
Mine is fucking tiny, despite the fact that I’m 6’3.
I don’t care, though.
Orgasms are like opinions: Only mine matters and women shouldn’t have them.

>>23454919
That sucks for you dude. Since I don't have a small penis I have the luxury of not needing to cope that hard but I'm glad its working for you.

What kind of editor should I seek for my recently finished novel? I went over it for two times already and I'm sure I won't improve without external help. Development editing would be fine for this stage?

>>23454996
i dont know

>>23455004
Thanks, anon.

>>23454996
Some editors are weird about what developmental vs copyediting entails. I've been burned before when I wasn't really clear, I asked for copyediting and basically got a proofread.
If you want someone to help you line edit, it's usually called copyediting but some editors consider that developmental. Even if you hire an editor for this, he may still make developmental comments and tell you which parts of the story don't work and which parts seem to be missing. If you want specific help in that regard, it will cost more than usual.

Pls no bully

>browsing for editors
>they ask 2500$ for reviewing a book on average
>tfw it's 10 months worth of wages in my country
It's so fucking over

Hello, re-wrote much of my first chapters so I'd appreciate some feedback.

>Title
The Path of Most Resistance (placeholder)

>Genre
Political/Low Fantasy

>Word count
1200 (First part of a 3 part Prologue)

>Link
https://medium.com/@panosfrag/the-bravoes-44391d327a48

>>23455306
>Leonard unsheathed his rapier and *took his position* *in the middle* of the pebble-formed hemicycle. Despite the heavy downpour, *the* Belle Époque’s courtyard was filled to the brim with *people*, all eyes fixed *to the* two combatants. Across *from him*, Sarlesh tossed his tricorn hat in the air, signaling *that he was ready*. Leonard followed suit, and the worried chatter *around them* ceased. The duel had begun, with Leonard adopting a defensive stance from the get-go, his muscles tense and ready to react at a moment’s notice
All highlighted words are either redundant or can be substantially improved upon while shortening their length.

>(First part of a 3 part Prologue)
Also siphoning off this post to ask other anons: Is it okay for my novel's prologue to be thrice as long as the following chapters? I fear it may induce ADHD in the reader.

>>23455348
I guess it'd depend on what the point of the prologue is, why it has to be in the prologue, and why it can't just be part of the actual chapters/story

>>23455303
You can always get a loan :^)

>>23455474
These retards might actually do that.
>woooow all the guy did was proofread my rough draft and now I'm in debt!
>also I scrapped the whole novel because I realized it was shit

Can someone please remind me where this is from? I thought it was from bus driver but I looked through the whole damn thing and couldn't find it. Gonna drive me up the wall.

Revision of something I posted here before, critique welcome.

https://pastebin.com/83Gxs413

>>23455459
In my case, the prologue is a story experienced through a secondary character's POV before the actual protagonist appears, so as to frontload the reader with a sample of the context and themes that will appear.

>>23455507
fuck me, wrong book. girl on the fridge. An Exclusive. man my memory is shit

>>23455507
>>23455518

Never heard of it.
Took me about two seconds to find though.

>>23455529
damn. it's good, you should read it. I forgot that quoting it would have helped.

can someone give me feedback pls

Curdled present-past, sheathed in infectious oblivion, intertwining with the self. Dysphoric familiarity, notions of asthmatic cabin fever. Annexed by agnosia, indulging in foul aberration, a scorching, acidic, stench. Bleak witnessing of multiform tangibility, capsulated by an inexhaustible thirst. I swallow.

A lingering taste of inescapable purpose. Penetrated and digested by fleeting insight. Reflective endurance of aching cramps and futile attempts of regurgitation, a perpetual rhythm, until the belly’s warm embrace. Proceeding radiant sensations, like the first peaking of a hopeful dawn. I smile.

Increased bodily presence synchronises with the rising of the sun. Reinforced positioning within enigmatic, uncharted territories. Resolute perseverance through ever-coming threats, a radical acceptance. Wielding productive circumstances, a strategic mutation of inspired energy into concrete form. I trust.

I can feel my shit is over-edited but I can't help it, I just enjoy fiddling with sentences and swapping out words
whenever I don't have the energy to write, I always have the energy to edit
how do I stop this

>>23455550
Quit LSD.

>>23455517
I obviously know nothing about your story, but if your prologue is just a more succinct version of the story/themes you want to tell it might be redundant
Again, I know nothing of what you've written, but I'd say probably shorten the prologue down so it really is just a small taste of what's to come, it being longer than the first chapters of your story combined is a little weird

>>23455564
LMAO fair enough.

>>23455306
Too many words.Too much tell, overexplaining visuals and sensory stuff. Get in the characters' heads more and depict what they're feeling, what they're doing, and what's stopping them from doing it.
There's a point where you're like
>After all, forcing his foe into making mistakes through tiring them was his most common tactic.
It's unsubtle and distant from the characters' perspectives, either the guy who's afraid he's going to lose or his opponent. Have the guy notice he's tiring and smirk or something. Have the guy who's tired desperately hide it. We can pick up the factual part via something interesting and dramatic rather than just being told directly.

Second beta reader liked my story. Woohoo.

I am trapped at the starting line because I can't think of a better word for magic tools besides magic tool.

>>23455692
Just call them tools, the readers will quickly realize whether they're magical or not and the characters have no reason in-universe to consider them anything other than just normal tools

what does it do?

>>23455692
you need to learn to write even when the thoughts aren't together yet
writing will help you get your thoughts together

>>23455719
>>23455764
I already wrote it but I need to fucking fix this for the redraft.

Is it worth just getting over with your writing even if the final product will be 4/10 at most, over obsessing over "perfecting" everything and being stuck in an endless loop?

>>23455859
You should keep working on it until you are satisfied with it. If a 4/10 is good enough for you, then call it good and move on to a better project. But if you think it has more potential then maybe take a break from it and come back later to polish it more.

>>23455859
Depends on what your goal is, do you want to have just pumped out a book and continue on as it was just practice, or did you want this book to be your magnum opus and you don't see any point in continuing to write after this? If it's the former, as I suspect, then you can move on, if there's potential untapped and you want to see it realized, then you'd keep working on it because you want to

>my story doesn't follow the traditional act structure
>there is no villain
>the climax, if you can call it that, happens at the 60% mark

I am breaking all the rules but I don't care. This is the story I want to tell.

If you write something I don't like I am allowed to break your fingers.

>>23455859
The shine of unrealized potential will always wear off as you turn it into an executed piece of work. It's demoralizing and it never goes away, but you need to work through it and finish it. The quality at the end doesn't matter as long as it's properly done and you've learned something from the experience.

I've been told by an esoteric dodecahedron motif that my story isn't good enough to publish.

>>23455692
use an idiosyncratic word for tool so that people don't confuse it for a generic tool, and then keep using it to reinforce it
artifice would be my choice if I decided on them having a standardized name in the first place

The day before the Blade Verbena I woke up with a feeling of existential dread that could not be washed off by mere assurances and the usual indulgence of narcotics. I washed my face and dilligently plucked what little hairs were nestled on it and prepared for the long day that awaited me.

The tournament started in five hours from now. I was to present myself at the arena in no less than three. Failure to do so would mean death. Such was my bond.

This could very well be my last day on this earth, I thought to myself, and I didn't know whether I should feel blessed or cursed. I emptied a vial of Thorosporum down my throat and a loud, insistent knocking on my door made me jump. They're here to take me, I thought and stuffed a shiv under my tunic. I knew well that no shiv or sword for that matter would be effective against the Golden Guard - when they wanted something done, they had the means to make it so.

Peeking through the door I was instead greeted by Marbella. She was leaning on the wall and was smiling gayly. "Are you drunk again?" I asked her, but she was more interested in shoving me back to my apartment and closing the door behind us.

How queer, I thought as she traced her index finger along my chest. "Listen, Marbella," I said, backing off towards a wall, "I'd love to fuck you, but I just can't at this moment. It just so happens-"

"Don't play fool with me," she said. "I know well what awaits you. And I have just the medicine for it. She towards me, grasped my wrist and rising on her finger toes whispered to my ear: "Semuta. Shall you not partake?"

My heart grew heavy with realization. That explains her mood, I thought, but strangely enough I could not let myself decline her offer. I was not totally unfamiliar with the sedatic effect of Semuta; a topaz ball the size of a chestnut would spin inside a crystal cylindrical tube, creating certain atonal vibrations that could cause timeless ecstasy.

>>23455889
>MC is the villain
>he doesn't want to bee
>it's already too late
>climax happens at literally the ass end

I hate writing my first draft. The result always looks like something an ESL first grader shit out. But the editing and re-writing it ten times into something good is so fun. Why can't it just start there instead of a blank page?

>>23454545
Thanks anon.

where can i read good contemporary short fiction?

>>23456089
I think if you're going to go with fantasy, change the words "narcotics" and use a "fantasy" word for the same drugs. Gives it more soul. same with the word "fuck". But that's just me. I personally hate modern slang in a fantasy world.

That said, it's a bit disjointed. He drinks some drugs, and suddenly he starts stuffing a shiv down. Doubt a prisoner would even be given a chance to make a shiv anywhere.

>start writing my scene
>realize the setting is still a complete jumble in my mind
>can't describe where anything is
>make cute drawing to sort it out

This is much better. Anyone else do this?

>>23456252
no.

I have an idea for a story that I want to write, but it’s barebones and I really don’t know where to start. The main problem is that I’ve never been a good writer.

This would just be for fun/a personal thing, but the internal cringe of producing a piece of shit would be too much for me to bear, so I want it to be at least halfway decent.

>>23456316
sounds like you need to get a few other books under your belt before you can start on the one you want
it shouldn't take more than 10 years or so to get up to a decent level of confidence in your own writing

>>23456089
You don't need to say I thought to myself or I thought in most of the places you use it, it's self-evident from the fact that it's first person.
Like just say "This could very well be my last day on this earth, and I didn't know whether I should feel blessed or cursed"
Some minor grammar stuff, like the two ands in the second sentence
Don't say She was leaning on the wall, instead say "She leaned on the wall, smiling gayly." Makes things more concise and direct

>>23456323
By then NRX singularity will be achieved and books will become randomly generated barcodes of data.

I like adding comedy scenes into my story like women getting annoyed by mansplaining, or my character watching people do disgusting things on a public bus.

>>23456316
Just write 2k word stories and get them looked at and critiqued. Gotta start small before you tackle your 100k word Odyssey.

>>23456316
I would agree on the advice to practice writing small scenes and short stories, and building that up to at least a passable level before starting the magnum opus

>>23456332
then you can be like one of those japanese swordsmiths who only exist to make kantanas for ceremonies and movies and shit.

>>23456252
I've realized that as long as you have the basic rudimentary set pieces down, the reader can fill in most of it in their mind, and you don't need to specify the window was on the left wall or whatever and can just focus on the actually appealing stuff, like rays of moonlight shining through the glass (assuming the setting for the scene doesn't have to be needlessly specific)

Is it weird of me to want to write a high fantasy mega-epic and then just have aliens show up at the end, first contact style. I could put it on RR and people would probably get angry at me.
It would be funny, I think. Subverting genres and expectations and whatnot.

>>23453305
I need help with something. I need music to write to, but I can't find anything with the right tone.
It's a heartfelt, emotional moment where two characters share some quality time, and I need something that fits that

>>23454203
Maybe Frank is back in the padded-room resort. It's always a welcome surprise when he's not here.

>>23456398
yes it is kind of weird for you to want to write something just to piss off the users of a random site

>>23456398
Plenty of books and movies do that, and yes, the fans riot. Pretty funny though, not gonna lie. Worth a shot if you're on a throwaway account so you don't tarnish your reputation. For best results, string them along for a couple years before the big twist.

>>23456398
>200k words deep
>Ayylmao landing craft shows up
>They open diplomatic relations with the elves or some shit
>MC opens his eyes
>looks at alarm clock
>"Fuck, I need to get to work"
>describe whole commute and boring 9 to 5 job
>It was all just a dream

>>23456398
It would just become sloppier expanded fantasy slop.

>>23456252
ye

Should a government which has proven to be untrustworthy with its power be allowed to continue wielding that power if the people have the opportunity to remove it?

>>23456586
of course not. the government is literally no more than the nation's most successful criminal syndicate

>>23456586
free societies ultimately must contain the mechanisms to undermine themselves and given enough time

>>23456620
this guy gets it

>>23456586
The political process is made possible because the state has a monopoly on violence.
If the monopoly is broken, the state's basis for authority is void. In effect, the possibility for the formation and action of a citizen militia against a given state is the promise of a hypothetical threat to this monopoly.
A government that gives cause for the threat to become actual rather than hypothetical has broken its own monopoly, and thus cannot authoritatively govern.

>>23456620
>>23456633
>>23456659
But what if the government said it’s sorry and won’t do it again? Doesn’t Jesus say to be forgiving?

>>23456659
Oh, he's gonna get it, all right.

>>23456672
did they pinky promise?

>>23456672
christianity's utterly broken and demented concept of forgiveness without penance is the #1 reason i lost my faith

How many ingots would it take to create a sword. Let's say the MC can extract materials from a bench with steel armrest. If she converts one armrest into a small ingot, is it enough to create a dagger?

>>23456323
>>23456363
>>23456367
Thanks frens. I don't think it would be a long book, but certainly longer than anything I've ever written before. I guess I'll find some short story prompts and start writing something.

>>23456373
Blacksmithing in current year is much better than being some feudal subject hammering out nails and horseshoes all day. It's done for the art, not out of necessity.
In that way I don't think writers, painters, directors, etc. will ever really be replaced by AI. For example you might see that your mass market marvel films or summer blockbusters are better written by a machine, but more niche arthouse films will never really go away. Not unless humans go with them.

>>23456695
How big is the ingot? How big is the dagger?
Just do a basic volume calculation. Length x Width x Height. Or compare the weights. Remember, it's the same amount of metal, you're just squishing it into a different shape.
In real life you can pretty much just eyeball it. Draw out the blade, estimate how much you need for the tang, then hot cut the rest off.

In a story you can just say it's good. You get to determine how much steel is in the bench, after all.

>>23456695
there's ten thousand billion youtube videos about making swords out of random shit

>>23456694
The focus should be on rehabilitation, not punishment. Sorry you’re hung up on ancient “morals,” if you could even call them that.

https://pastebin.com/yNGDdWcP
On a scale of boring to breezy, where does this intro land?

>next chapter involves going to a vet
>have no idea what's vets use (equipment names/reasons, medicines, procedures)
>don't want to call and harass a vet on the phone asking a ton of mundane stupid questions

>>23456777
you can probably find some kind of day in the life of a veterinarian video on youtube

>>23456775
I'm only doing this because you posted a cute anime girl

>her whisk pulverizing whatever poor substance remained in that peach glazed bowl.
It sounds like even you don't know what is in the bowl and couldn't be bothered to think of anything. I'd change it so it sounds like it's more the characters who don't know.

>“Look I know I should be a good host,” Kaya claims
Just say said.

> She plops herself in the stained chair and gestures Marl the same.
This is just one example, but actions earlier (and later) were in past tense, but here you switch. Keep them consistent, one or the other. You go back and forth a couple times during the whole scene.

Overall pretty good. Seems like a lively scene.

>>23456777
>equipment names
M4A1/M16A3
>reasons
Durkas/gooks.
>medicines
Heroin.
>procedures
If it moves, it's Taliban/VC.

>>23456801
It's more my MC brings a sick animal in and I don't know what specific treatments or tests a vet would do.

To be specific, a bird that is not breathing. In the story it is already dead, but the MC insists on the vet looking at it anyway. Outside of putting a stethoscope to it to very I don't know what else a vet would do. Autopsy? CPR? Maybe I should ask /an/.

>>23456767
in practice, the focus is on "powerful people" demanding forgiveness for their sins, and never changing their behavior. or hadn't you noticed

>>23456805
veterinarian, not military veteran, you doofus. although the "if they run, they're VC, if they stand still, they're well-trained VC, ain't war hell" scene from "Full Metal Jacket" was fucking gold

>>23456808
>a clearly dead bird
>the person bringing it in is basically delusional
the vet says he needs to bring the bird to a back room for tests. he comes out a half hour later and says the bird is dead. his receptionist sticks the retard with a bill
optionally he preemptively calls the police due to the person being crazy and freaking out

>>23456775
Dialogue is a little confusing, for example, I'm assuming it's the mom saying come in come in, but for some reason you broke it into the next paragraph
If the same character is talking, keep their dialogue in the same paragraph
And some of the dialogue is a little awkward, like "you're always on time here", some of the sentences are really long and rambley like "Her sentence finished as she walked to the side wall, or rather, the place the side ‘wall’ was but had now given to a cutaway, with hastily painted steps trailing towards a secret patio, pearl plates and water pitcher evenly spread as if to mimic the blanketed horizon, its charcoals just beginning to smolder."
And with so much dialogue in a row it feels pretty rushed/like I'm moving through at a breakneck pace

I wanna write literally anything but have no inspiration. someone give a prompt pls

>>23456827
>sticks the retard with a bill
The emergency vet tried to/did do this to my sister after the cat died while they sedated it to perform tests to see the extent of the damage (mom and I knew it was fatal). They for sure were going to charge her for tests they didn't run and it took us speaking up to have the charges waived. She then went ahead and spent almost the same amount getting the damn thing cremated and with an urn by the same people who were already taking her money.

>>23456854
When you say literally anything do you mean literally anything, because I could just give you the prompt of a bored office worker spinning his pen in his cubicle while he eyes the clock slowly ticking toward 5 pm

>>23456854
Man is starving alone in the wilderness and finds an MRE on the ground. Just as he's about to bite in the sandwich the red bird in your pic swoops down and steals it. The only food left in the MRE is a can of fruit, but he has no can opener.

>>23456808
I don't want to be a dick, but you give me no choice.
You're a little slow.
The vet would touch the bird and immediately notice that it isn't alive. Like, it would be cold, it would be stiff, it wouldn't be breathing. There would be no special tests or equipment.
Have you no conception of reality?

>>23456827
i think this was already done https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218

>>23456876

>>23456876
>Like, it would be cold, it would be stiff, it wouldn't be breathing
Yet with a pair of shock paddles and the power of hope it lives.

>>23456876
In my story he is driving the bird to the vet and is moving around in the box but just as he pulls into the vet's office it stops. So he jumps out of the car and rushes inside and yells for a doctor. So technically it might not be fully dead, just in a coma or something? I don't know about animals.

>>23456803
domo
Yeah my tensing is goes to shite when I haven't written in ages.
>>23456828
Definitely rushing it to avoid my usual prose wankery (and because I had the rest of the chapter in my head for once) but I'll clean it up with the dialogue. Thanks

>>23456890
rewrite it but in this version I grab the bird and stomp the shit out of it in the parking lot

>>23456901
oooh, you're so le edgy, you bleed all over the screen. bet you're the most popular bully in all of middle school

>>23456890
do you know about anything?

>>23456910
huh? what are you talking about?

>>23456890
Look, the vet would feel it for 15 seconds, notice there's no breathing or heartbeat, and say sorry kid, it's dead
If you want your character to delusionally cling onto hope, you can either have the guy sigh and say he'll see what he can do then pull it into the back to do nothing, or you can have the vet be honorable and just flat out tell him there's nothing they can do, or I just found this article in five minutes of searching and you can do bird cpr
https://www.audubon.org/news/can-you-do-cpr-bird
No fancy equipment is needed unless you want them to try cpr on the bird

>>23456890
>>23456938
And by five minutes I mean five seconds, try looking things up before asking

>>23456944
I already found the CPR thing, that's why I mentioned it earlier. But I don't know if a vet would do that. I thought they might put it in an incubator machine or something like this breathing tube.

If i don't have some vet drama I don't know what to do with this chapter. It doesn't have to be fully realistic, just believable.

>>23456959
> I thought they might put it in an incubator machine
??????

>>23456959
why are they trapping that porcupine in an evil crystal prison?

>>23456968
You know what I mean, those respirator things to force them to breathe again.

>>23456870

>>23456990
it is precisely because I know what you mean that i am incredulous.
it must be fun living inside your head.

>>23456990
is this an award winning bird? is this flappy the eagle? and if flappy dies it'll be a national emergency because the country's eagle has died and there will be parades and eulogies and they'll take the corpse and stuff it and it'll go into a museum? is this isn't something like that the vet will pick up the dead bird and determine it's dead because it's a dead bird and not alive. the end

>>23456990
hey if you want inspiration you should just repurpose what these anons are telling you as the vets dialogue

>>23456993
Based, you really were in the mood to write literally anything, also there's something about mundanity in text that's a little bit kino

>>23457025
>your bird is dead bro
>maybe it's in a coma?!
>it's not alive anymore
>but can't you do cpr or somethign?!?!
>it's dead
>what about those incubator things that make animals breathe again?!!!
>it's fucking dead man

>>23456959
Instead of forcing veterinarian drama, you could really amp up the difficulty of the character getting the bird to the office, trying everything he can to get there on time before it dies, only to be told that it's too late

>>23457165
I mean I guess. What I'm getting here is you guys are saying not to do the vet thing. Outside of a traffic jam I'm not sure what to really do but I'll try to think of something.

>tfw you're working on something completely unrelated and out of nowhere an idea pops into your head that connects a bunch of dots in your story and drastically improves several parts

I think I'm stupid. I can't write for shit. I cannot get a feeling across no matter what, and rather than paragraphs, it all feels like a hodgepodge of words. Every paragraph, then, feels isolated, much more the characters, their emotions, the setting, the plot, the themes... I feel as if instead of being in the valley of the skill gap, my momentum hadn't reached its peak and I had fallen back down the first hill.
What I had written a year ago is godly by comparison.

>>23457284
best feeling
>>23457337
yeah you are stupid because you just wrote 87 words that made complete sense. Get back to work.

>>23457176
not any of those anons but it sounds like the vet thing just wouldn't work, so make it a character moment where the MC has to face the reality of death or something.

>>23457381
Thanks for the words. I suppose if it makes sense it's good enough....
But If I read my work in the same voice I use to read Henry Howard, it's not that bad.
A fancy speaking style makes even the worst writing sound profound.

>>23457394
my point is you are clearly capable so just do it
if you don't like your work, figure out why, then edit it.

>tfw just hit 34k words
>goal is 40k
>still three chapters to go

I think I'm gonna make it.

I hate these threads. It's like, I come here sometimes, proud, to report I ran my personal best on the track, and see a bunch of people sit there, still on the starting line, fitting shoes on their hands, going like, "when I tie the laces, do I pick up the left side or the right side first?" or "what material should my shorts be to reduce air resistance as much as possible?"

You know what, never mind.

>>23457453
plenty of us are beyond that point. Try reading the thread before getting up your own ass

>>23457453
>when I tie the laces, do I pick up the left side or the right side first?
That's actually a very important question. A lot of people even into adulthood tie their shoes wrong. It makes a big difference which side you cross over first because if you do it wrong your laces come undone really easily.

>>23455303
there's a fiverr editor that lurks around here and only asks for 1k from /lit/ anons

>>23457514
>there's a jew that lurks around here and only asks for 1k from /lit/ anons

>>23457453
>it's like, i come here to brag and wow check out this metaphor about how much of a genius i am compared to you haha damn we wuz literary and shit
Wow! That's some grade-A cringe you've posted. Anyway...

>>23457453
Congrats on 10 subscribers to your Patreon

>Company can't find my details to accept payment for editor
>Been on with tech support for 2 days now
It's like they don't want my fucking money

>>23457453
/wg/ should submit sample stories to the OP archive and use trips to identify ourselves through it when asking for advice, this way anons could filter and prioritize giving opinions to writers who aim to improve rather than searching browser questions of a passing ideas guy.

>>23457824
>bro we should all just have trips
Fuck off. Literally the worst possible idea. Nothing is worse than a general thread with a clique of tripfags constantly jerking each other off. If you want that, consider going to Reddit.

>>23457846
Everyone who is seeking advice is already using trips, albeit awkwardly, through the process of atributing recurring title and prose to their post fragments. Your comment is a loose implication of something that should have happened by now, but didn't.

>>23457920
I don't see a single trip in this thread. If you're being a faggot and trying to make a recognizable name for yourself, I don't think anyone's been unfortunate enough to notice. This general is as good as it's ever been now that the world-engineers have their own thread and you want to ruin it all over again by inviting tripfag drama. Maybe you haven't been on 4chan long enough to know what a deathknell that is. Keep your retarded opinions to yourself.

>>23457592
Yeah, these threads have reached the point where those who come to the running club with ambitions to take running steps are jealously labeled as braggarts and either mocked or outright ignored. As if following the base purpose of the thread was some unrealistic heroic labor.

>>23457937
>ambitions
Not what was expressed here
>>23457453
>to report I ran my personal best on the track
Drop the cringy metaphor. It's juvenile.

>haha wow i am le deep Metaphor Man i put on my running shoes and teleport behind u haha and then i tie my running shoes in your direction and hit the track heh kiddo it's a heckin metaphor you wouldn't get it ur not a runner like me

What's an official-sounding name for a continent-wide organization publicly funded?
>The Bureau (already taken by my inspirations, dammit)
>The Agency (too CIA)
>The Foundation (too SCP)

>>23457941
Personal best doesn't mean best in the world. How is saying you did well today by your own metrics bragging? How absolutely feeble is your self-esteem, to envy that?

>>23456375
The potential problem with writing like that is that as soon as anything you say contradicts what the reader has imagined it will break immersion.

>read my rough draft
>fix a decent amount of errors
>read it again
>find more errors
How many times do I need to revise this thing FFS?

>>23457824
>hurr durr i need other people to decide for me who the experts are, i can't evaluate ideas on my own
typical brainlet millennial take

>>23457974
If you're still "fixing errors," you're not even at the important part yet.

>>23457965
nta but it's clear people have a problem with the way you were acting like you were the only person that wasn't a complete beginner here.
If you thought about it for more than a second you would realise that the writers are writing instead of posting every little update on here.

>>23457990
Nigger, you are literally posting on a millennial website. The oldfags are all millennials with an odd gen-Xer here and there. You're right to call him out but it's pants on head retarded to characterize it as a millennial viewpoint. Our experiment in anonymity is the literal foundational assumption of your point of view.

TODAY IS THE DAY

>>23457960
>Department x
>The x Service
>The x Commission
>x Branch
>Public x Organization
>Directorate x

>>23457960
Looks like a question for the world-building general, not for us.

>>23457993
Can't do both?

>>23458050
When I'm rewriting, I'm often creating new errors to fix later, not fixing any.

>>23457974
over and over and over again
that's the game, anon

>>23457998
You're missing the point that deferring to self-styled "experts" is stupid NPC behavior, and thinking for yourself, and making your own judgments, is the only way you'll pull yourself out of the mud. "Experts" are just people who want to control you.

how do you feel about the idea that book 1 of a series should act as a complete story? I am ending mine on a cliffhanger pertaining to the overarching story across the series, but I know some people despise cliffhangers.

>>23458088
No, I am categorically not missing the point. I explicitly recognized that the point was accurate. Did you even read what I wrote before replying?

>>23457931
>I don't see a single trip in this thread
Actually illiterate. Though I do concur people like you tend to stay crabbing in either scenario, ideas guy.

>>23458233
Are the crabs in the room with you right now? LOL. Imagine being terrified of tasty crustaceans.

how many chapter’s long should your prologue be?

>>23458233
Reply to a tripfag in your response or shut the fuck up.

I want to quit everything and dedicate my life to writing. Real life is unbearable.

>>23457960
The Pan[continent] Treaty Committee on [subject that is the focus of organization]

Example: The Pan-American Treaty Committee for the Reduction of Crime

>>23458012
I like "Service". It sounds like "military service". It's got potential.

>>23458268
me too. starting... now.
ok, i have 1 year of savings.
now what?

i've just begun my life as a writer. how do succeed? how do i survive?

>>23458497
ok, i'll need an editor...

>>23458097
You can do both by completing the current story's and arcs. Imo cliffhangers should be the beginning of a new story

>>23458549
>You can do both by completing the current story's and arcs
Yeah, makes sense. I think I'm realising that the internal story of book 1 is a bit weak.
>Imo cliffhangers should be the beginning of a new story
It's a cliffhanger that sets off the entirety of book 2, definitely not something that is resolved in the first chapter.

>setting has demigod marry four women, one from each tribe to unite them
>Impregnates all of them
>However his children will only appear over time in the coming years, and will not be born like normal folk
What would be a good explanation for why? I was going to have it where the demigod receives a prophecy that his sons would come in their own time when their people need them.

I also wondered about any tensions about the divine sons returning at different times since each son is descended from a different tribe. Thus when the first son comes the other tribes he is not descended from will be somewhat jealous and resentful of having to listen to him, I wonder how that will paint future relations when the younger brothers come.

>>23458611
Don't explain shit and let it happen.

>>23458613
It’s a fucking demigod. Why should his kids have to follow the rules of mortal men?

>>23458611
Explaining why things happen is the best way to kill any sense of intrigue or mystique. Let it be ambiguous so that the reader has something to wonder at.

writing gods give me the strength to cut scenes that are ruining my plot but I like

>>23458613
>>23458636
I see. So maybe something like
>After the Battle of the Vile Pass, the Demigod Mortalfucker became more reclusive. He appeared rarely, only assuring others that the time for his sons to lead would come

>Fluff or intermission filler

>On the first day of the new year, a burning star fell to the earth. From it emerged a babe, who resembled Mortalfucker and Bigtittygoth

Names notwithstanding

>>23458642
Save the poorly fitting scenes for another story. Don't kill your WIP for a dumb reason.

>>23458665
keep the names too

>>23458665
if mortalfucker isn't a band name already you need to copyright that shit anon

>>23458497
why would you ask this thread lol

>>23458497
>i've just begun my life as a writer.
Sorry to hear that.
>how do succeed?
I'd start with proof reading and adding an "I" here.
>how do i survive?
Barely.

>>23458497
>how do I succeed?
You won't
>how do I survive?
By getting a job

>>23458097
The advice that the first book should be an independent story applies more to the financial side than to the storytelling side. There is nothing mandating that your story ought to be constrained into a single book, I mean something like Fellowship of the Ring does not work as a complete story and ends on a cliffhanger. So if you feel that your story requires a cliffhanger ending for the first part, go for it. From a more financial perspective, if the first part works as a stand-alone, people are more willing to give it a try, since they know they won't have to commit to reading the next parts in order to get some closure. Also makes it more likely they recommend it to their friends, especially if the following parts haven't come out yet.

>realising that I can cut my prologue and jump straight into the first chapter
for some reason I consider this a big win

>>23458900
What possesses anyone to write a prologue is beyond me.

>>23457453
Based and true. Made 'em seethe.

>>23453312
I personally would not read the rest. It just sounds a little too cliché young adult novel. But, if that’s what you’re going for then it’s probably gucci

1148 words today. Could've got further but I finished a chapter so I'll consider it a success.

>>23458911
it certainly can work, but it didn't feel right for my story and I was looking for ways to cut it for a while

I've come to accept I'll never earn a living solely with writing - actually, I don't think I'll earn anything with it. I need to go back to university and get a real degree. I have a philosophy one, but it's worth nothing in the real world. It sucks to start anew, but I have no other option - otherwise I'll live as an esl teacher forever. If your family is not wealthy, writing should be a hobby only.

>>23459089
I always take it as a sign the first 3 chapters are going to be the dryest imaginable exposition and they're trying to excuse it with the least bit of action and mystery and I'm seldom wrong.

>>23459103
>>23458858
>>23458790
>>23458783
bros... i this isn't what i wanted to hear...

>>23459103
>>23459143
So you want writing to be a job? What a despicable ambition.

>>23459143
Don't worry mate, starving is an important part of being an artist. Suffering builds character or something.

>>23459143
did you quit your job anon?

>>23457514
I thought it was $200?

>>23458097
>how do you feel about the idea that book 1 of a series should act as a complete story?
yes, I think so too. If you look at Star Wars each movie is it's own complete story, though it continues on into the next. I hate when I enjoy part 1 of something and then part 2 sucks. It makes me hate the whole thing, instead of just enjoying part 1 and safely being able to ignore the sequels. At the very least have some sense of closure at the end of the first book and then introduce new things to explore that will come up in book 2.

>>23459244
yes

>>23458900
Most readers regard the prologue as boring info dump and skip it anyway.

>>23459311
>Most readers skip prologues
I absolutely refuse to accept this as the state of the world.

>>23459321
I have never read a prologue in my entire life.

>>23459327
>>23459311
This is why I labeled my prologue as Chapter 1, because it was, really.

I cannot fucking think of a more disgusting and retarded advice than "hurr add conflict" when someone asks how to make a scene interesting.

Not everything has to be fucking math and an attempt to zero-sum. Not everything has to be some sort of a fucking struggle. Not everything has to be some gay ass verbal or physical spat. Not everything has to forward the plot, even.

"Hurr add conflict" is why ficitonal marriages don't last. Two characters just CAN'T be happily married and live an ordinary day to day life together with minimal bitching, backstabbing and cheating. There just HAS to be conflict! ADD CONFLICT!!!

Fuck everyone who thinks MUH CONFLICT is necessary in all aspects of a fucking story in the ass with a cheese grater. Sometimes a scene can be just a little slice of life showing off characters' traits or personality, or just a little inconsequential dialogue to let the reader know how the characters get along (or not) together.

>>23459435
Even though disappoint me by posting a meme face, I do agree with you. One of my chapters is just two people having dinner together. Thematically it is a very important scene, but I don't need to add some BS about how the chef burned the fish and ruined the meal just for the sake of adding conflict.

>>23459281
and you have a manuscript or first draft or something already?

>>23459435
how often do you think an amateur being told they need to 'add conflict', or 'show not tell', needs to ACTUALLY do these things?
>never
>rarely
>sometimes
>often
>always

>>23459452
I watched a Youtube video where the self-proclaimed "professional" author said you MUST "show not tell" 99% of the time. No excuses.

>>23459435
>not everything
Fiction (commercially successful fiction at that) is not everything retard. It's highly specific, specialized, and purposeful.

There are ways to hold the reader's attention other than dramatic tension (dramatic irony for example, or just good prose), but given your whining you must not be good at those either.

How's this for a sort of extended inner monologue?

>>23459457
I'd want to see what he writes. 1984 is 90% telling and it's a timeless classic. I doubt he can beat that.

>>23459464
How old are you?

>>23459464
It's a bit too on the nose for me.

>>23459464
>why deny myself?
not much to go on really, which leads me to want to nitpick. instead, i'm going to just say it's fine.

>>23459435
I'd generally agree, with the caveat that the scene should at least accomplish something

A second attempt. Hopefully with more show less tell.

>>23459479
I'm not sure what this criticism is meant to convey
>>23459479
I felt the same. My focus on concision often leads to concepts not having time to breath.
>>23459480
Speaker is going to fuck a girl who wants to be fucked, but in getting fucked will be cursed to be the speaker's slave, and also obtain unimaginable power.

>We are writing today because we, (publication) editors, are forced to admit that we are unable to pursue our novelette project at this time. I’m afraid we bit off more than we could chew; we haven’t been able to keep up with the submissions, nor do we believe we have the capacity to properly pursue publication if we found a submission we wanted to proceed with.
Does this count as a rejection slip?

>>23459529
>Speaker is going to fuck a girl who wants to be fucked
two women cannot fuck. it is a physical impossibility
>b-but she's a futa
given your prose, I'd believe it
ignoring the internal monologue entirely your first sentence is a mess and you need to restructure it, and probably combine it with the second.

>Show don't tell
You guys realize this is screenwriting advice, right?

>>23459435
You seem to have a very narrow, constrained view of conflict. Characters calmly discussing what they should have for dinner is a conflict.

>>23459540
This is far rarer and more precious than a mere notice of rejection – it is a notice of defeat!

>>23459529
>>23459464
>Amelia... coughed on fresh air

>>23459558
Should I respond to it? They say you're not supposed to respond to a rejection slip.

>>23459529
Needs a comma after the first her.

Overall it's pretty good. Delving too much into internal monolouge can feel dull or, even worse, anime adjacent. The bird imagery is bold, and could be seen as cringe by types who are looking for things to hate you for. But if your audience is already this deep then I say go for it.

However, I wouldn't use two different metaphors with the web and the cage. Maybe talk about butterflies or something idk.

>>23459474
Local anon figures out that most audiences of fantasy smut shlock are in fact quite young.

>>23459567
Tell them that you accept their defeat.

>>23459541
>Hating futa
Get a load of this fag
>>23459559
Whats wrong with this exactly? She was just choked so she's coughing.
>>23459569
But then I'm mentioning web twice. I think I'm overthinking things here, thanks for the advice.

does anyone NOT outline? what do you do instead?

>>23459545
>Bob felt stressed
>Bob's forehead dripped sweat and his breathing quickened.

Or since we're talking futa now

>She had a big dick
>Her generous girth felt hard and comfortable in my hand

>>23459668
>show
>show but with more words

>>23459668
>tell
>tell but with more words

>>23459673
How embarrassing...

>>23459678
You photoshopped that

>>23459666
I'm a few chapters deep into a fantasy novel. I decided not to write any outlines for it. I have a rough idea of where it's going though

>>23459281
Ugh. Didn't you know most writers, including famous ones, didn't survive on their writing, but had to have a day job? That includes Herman Melville (whose "Moby Dick" wasn't appreciated until he was dead for several decades) and Frank Herbert (who continued to work in the publishing industry even after releasing "Dune"). Did you do, like, zero research before quitting your day job?

>The wind was cold. Like daggers burning the skin. The smell of corpses was rancid. But that is to be expected of a crime scene like this. They were all the same. A place that used to be a place of comfort for someone, forever stained. This place used to house so many people, but whoever buys it next will spend years cleaning and bleaching what will never be removed. But whoever thinks they can clean this mess up can only be one with the delusions of a child ignorant of the world outside of their eyes. The chatter and the sirens blared off as the community stood around and asked questions. Yet I knew right away. Passing the tape, I saw it. The body laid bare covered with blood. The markings on the neck and forehead of the devil. The snake head replacing the tongue. The eyes ripped out. Yet, most disturbing of all was the smile stitched together after the deed was done. The beast has awoken once again.
Thoughts?

>>23459833
>>23459833
>>23459833
in other news...
>>23456789

>>23458493
only do it if you are well read enough to recognize an original story in yourself, otherwise you will suffer the pain of delusion