/lit/ - Literature

Again, looking for feedback:
>>23427384
>>23427386
Context at head of >>23426603

https://pastebin.com/hDeynvSs

What the fuck even is "litrpg"? I feel like a boomer right now

>>23428657
Just an autistic niche of fantasy where the goal is to 'gamify' the novel in various ways.

This thread treats it like the bogeyman for some reason. I guess it's the ultimate sin to literature to them.

Never mind the romantasy slop that's actually killing literature that is extremely mainstream, not some weird nerd niche nobody knows about

>>23428673
It's probably because romantasy is read by the female demographic, whereas litrpg is the male equivalent. Most of the people in these threads are males writing for other males so litrpg is a greater threat/nuisance than romantasy.

Are flashbacks cringe?
I don't want spend a chapter or two on boring shit to "establish" the MC. I want to start the story moments after one of the major climactic points in the story and then have the character reflect on how things went so wrong.

I want the recovery of the MC in the present day to parallel the downward spiral that led to the catastrophe that happened right before the start of the book, with both storylines arriving at their climaxes nearly at the same time, with similar events, but in the present the MC succeeds where they failed in the flashback.

Is that an especially stupid idea or not? All the writing advice I'm seeing is saying things like "start with a big hook" but also "spend a chapter setting up the MC and then get to the inciting incident in chapter 2".

>>23428678
litrpg is not the male equivalent. litrpg is absolutely tiny. Even most fantasy nerds don't know what litrpg is, much less read it. Sandersneed slop is the romantasy equivalent.

Litrpg is genuinely tiny, dude. The biggest romantasy novels have ~3,000,000 ratings on goodreads. Sanderson's Way of Kings had ~500,000.

The biggest litrpgs have ~10,000

Like I said, this thread is weirdly obsessed with the genre when it's actually some niche corner of literature nobody knows or cares about. I honestly don't know why. Like seriously why the hell is this thread so obsessed with it

>>23428690
I don't mean equivalent in the sense of sales or market share, but rather equivalent in the kind of thing that litizens would take umbrage at if they were all struggling iconoclast amateur female authors instead of struggling iconoclast amateur male authors.

I think there's like only one guy in all these threads that's writing romantasy. Romantasy simply isn't the go-to for the make-a-buck portion of /wg/, litrpg is.

>>23428706
litrpg is the go-to for fantasy authors to make money? How is that possible? The market share is miniscule. The absolute biggest authors in that genre are 1-2% the size of the biggest "real fantasy" authors, and those are standouts. Most litrpg books have like 1-2k ratings on goodreads, if that, which is nothing

>>23428721
>litrpg is the go-to for fantasy authors to make money?

>>23428706
>Romantasy simply isn't the go-to for the make-a-buck portion of /wg/, litrpg is.
>for the make-a-buck portion of /wg/
>of /wg/

How much of a public figure can you emulate before it becomes legally actionable? Basically I want to put Alex Jones into a series I'm writing but more specifically I want to quote his Chicken Sandwich mind meld with God story verbatim.

>>23428724
OK but my original question was why is /wg/ obsessed with litrpg... why is it the go-to?

Why not normal fantasy, which has a much bigger market share? why are people mining for gold in a tiny unknown niche?

>>23428731
>why is /wg/ obsessed with litrpg
Anime website. Anime writing. It's really not that complicated.

>>23428731
To continue, "struggling iconoclast amateur female authors" hating romantasy (or romance in general) as the 'money cheat code' makes sense, because it's stupidly enormous with a rabid fanbase

But litrpg is not an equivalent for the male space. It'd be, I guess, sanderson-style novels. Though I don't think there really is an equivalent at all

>>23428684
>>23428731
NTA, but Litrpg has the lowest entrance bar required to earn a name, and >90% of posters here are absolute begginers.

>>23428684
I know he gets a bad rap, but this is similar to how Sanderson writes his Stormlight book. There's the main story and a flashback plotline throughout the book following one of the characters. Personally I don't mind, you can absolutely start in the thick of it, just make sure that the flashback is also interesting otherwise people will just skips them, god knows I do when I read Sanderson.

>>23428690
Shh, people are allowed to like things.

>>23428747
Yeah, that's why I think it needs to be told in flashbacks. It's too boring on its own, so instead I'd like to show the reader why it matters in the present first, and then flash back to stuff that isn't interesting until you realize the significance down the road. Instead of starting out boring and paying off later, I want to start with the payoff and use that to build interest in the more boring stuff like what the MC's old life was like.

>Hit a flunk on the story
>Fuck it, hit the bed early yesterday
>Go to work today
>Intrusive thoughts while doing something completely unrelated
>It's just what I need for my plot
We're going to make it lads

The only experience i have with litrpg is Min-maxing my TRPG build in another world, are there any others like this?
It had some seriously good prose, fight scenes, and character design.

>>23428743
I gotta’ get in on this litrpg action.

>>23428749
They shouldn’t like shit. I am the arbiter of what is and is not worthy of being liked. I and I alone! BOW BEFORE ME!!

>>23428832
how about you write what you like instead

would a story be considered litrpg if the main character collects curios to unlock items to use in the Vancian style?

>>23428849
How about you STFU, faggot?

>>23428792
>some seriously good prose
>When I realized the first thought that came to my budding ego questioned my own sanity, I began to wonder if I had incurred some sort of karmic debt.

>>23428910
Keep going, the first volume is ass.

>>23428898
I mean it's not like you'll succeed chasing money, so you might as well write something you're passionate about.

>>23428924
So we've moved from "seriously good prose" to "entire first volume is ass" lmao. The standard light novel progression.

>>23428942
You're obviously not going to give it a fair shake so just take my word for it.

>>23428673
I am going to write a romantasy that becomes hailed for it's complexity, prose, and themes.

Anyone else need a cheap editor? I'm free this week

>>23428961
too late, i did it already

>>23428964
Post before/after sample and I'll consider.

>>23428610
What might a woman tell her orbiter to keep him from dating her rival and bully?

She doesn't like him and is seeing someone else but hates the thought of her rival finding joy with her once worshipper.

>>23428684
Use the flashback in real time as a character remembering something and then using that recollection to move things forward instead of stopping the narrative altogether

>>23428961
Give it a shirtless or a barely-shirted protagonist and I'm in.
Chiseled jaw, a set of abs you can grate a brick of parmigiana reggiano over a bed of romaine lettuce.
Tight pants on a chiseled ass.

>>23428980
I said chiseled twice, dammit.

>>23428968

>>23428610
Thoughts on rushing through the first draft of a novel at the expense of good prose, etc just so I can have a finished product that I can then chisel away at until it's perfect? I feel I'm fucking everything up even though I'm making good progress with a consistent 3-5k a day.

Can anyone else arrest to this method vs being more methodical?

>>23429035
I've written a chapter before going back over and adding little details to make a scene sound more complete. I often gloss over details in my head and omit them while I'm typing.

>>23428924
From random page in volume 2:
>Regardless of the situation, he could tell the methuselah was no commoner. The exquisite embroidery that spanned the surface of her crimson robe was plainly extravagant, and Johannes doubted that all of his material belongings would even trade for a single sleeve. Her carefully braided hair was kept in place with accessories of similar make, and nobody short of an aristocrat would wear a monocle like hers.

>>23429055
I had a bad habit of editing old chapters to fit the new ones and it would prevent me from progressing. I've decided to pants (hate that term) my way through everything because I have a very solid knowledge of everything and I've gotten some surprising plot shifts. However I can't shake the feeling that it sucks because I am rushing past everything. Although I get insight quicker and it feels as if I'm connecting to my subconscious better, it's just less pretty in the process

>>23429012
Holy shit you're good. Drop your contact, I will call you right when I finish my current arc.

>>23428932
I’m passionate about telling retards like you to STFU.

>>23429077
https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42

Thanks, keep in touch

>>23428975
I'm not a neurotic female machiavelli, but what I would do is propose something that takes up a lot of the guy's time and gives him the hope that he might finally get what he wants from me. Off the top of my head, maybe researching the family history. Appeals to his perception of himself, feels like an intimate position with a lot of trust.

>>23428986
It's expected of a /wg/ post, desu

"— You didn't have to do that, you know, I'm dying already. Still, don't come any closer.
— *
— I know, I know, but there are manners after all. But I suppose we both must do what we must do.
— * *** *
— I'm quite sure you won't, but your kind never struck me as particularly imaginative. I suppose I'm not either, at the end of the day, heh, sorry for this
— **** *** ** ***** ** *
— That is quite enough, at least for me, good n-

Is this the correct way to write down a recording of half a conversation ? I think it's a cool hook for the very very very start of the book. But I'm worried using asterisks just make it seems like the other party just swear all the way.

>>23428555
>>23428591
It's not about a composer at all; it's about a girl who falls in love with a machineman.

One of his problems is that he can pretty much do anything that's been done and know anything that is known, but he can't imagine new things, and he can't create new things. So he can play any song perfectly, cook any meal, or answer any question, but he can't make new music or a new meal.

That's just a footnote in the story; it's really about her and how she grows in relation to him. He's obviously immortal and she's going to die quite young. Unpleasant things happen to her over the course of her life, but she remains optimistic throughout, sort of like Candide in reverse.

The people in my writing group told me I need to be more inclusive with my writing. The issue was that I had a moment where a character discovered a government program to render people infertile and there were different drugs being used for males and females, which reinforced the gender binary. When I said that transgendered people weren’t a viable population, anyway, they called be transphobic.
I feel like I should give up writing. Or at least find a writing group made up of people outside of college.

>>23429132
You could underscore, but I think the asterisks work.

>>23429176
>write chud fiction
>why didn't my xisters approve of it :(

>>23429120
>a pair of chiseled buns, chiseled by the most chiseled of chisels.

>>23429118
The thing is he knows she is with another and at that point has little interest in even being her friend anymore. She only notices because she sees her rival and bully courting him

>>23429223
Just unfold your dick on the reader's forehead and switch genres entirely.
End one chapter with something like 'it's about time that i got around to solvin' some problems...' and then in the next chapter flop out your balls and start writing a noir murder mystery instead of whatever gay shit you were doing before.

>wrote a poem, any feedback is appreciated:

Slap bang goes the bread
Put out to sea
On a sheet of stainless steel
Pried apart by hands enveloped
In wistful plastic
I say what I want
And you turn to make it
My lashes tremble in their bending to watch
the curve of your back, the shape of your
hips
Your eyes speak of moments away from
here, of gaiety apart from a sandwich, of
nights like tinkling forks in the dining car of a
snowbound train
Beep, it is done
‘Any salad with that?’
‘Everything that goes with it - but no
cucumbers.’
I like watching you work
I don’t even like Subway
When I leave I give it to the homeless guy
outside
It has become a tradition

>>23429087
>https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42
Holy shit you look gay lmaooo

>>23429438
you'll type that with your fat fingers getting cheeto dust on your keyboard, but meet him in real life and I bet you'd piss yourself and run away

>>23429447
>in real life
What's that?

>>23429451
The normie dimension

>>23429438
How many ants could you fit in your mouth? Asking for a friend.

>>23429413
Sounds just crazy enough to work

>>23429458
More than you bitch

>>23428610
I'm a /pol/tard emigrating to this board, hopefully to get some good advice. I used to text roleplay a lot as a young adult and was pretty good at it. Ideas would come to be quickly and I could express them well over text. I was creative with a strong imagination and I very much enjoyed sharing that with others. After a couple years of strong depression and mild drug abuse, my mind completely changed to such a degree that I felt as if my past self died. Now I can barely properly structures writing ideas that form in my mind, despite my dream of becoming an author. I have many basic story ideas and plots, but I am having trouble fleshing out those ideas well enough to have enough substance to commit myself to starting a project.
Any anons here have advice for someone broken like me. I have ADHD, which also doesn't help, and wondering if going on Adderall will help.

>>23429490
Stop going to /pol/ to stem the brainrot.
Just write.
You can't solve your problem by not writing.
However you can start writing, do that.

How do I know if my emotions appear genuine?

>>23429497
I honestly figured as much that this would be the response I got, but I am not disappointed with it. I work year round at a public school, but with summer rolling around I plan to use my time to write and try my best not to get frustrated along the way.
>Stop going to /pol/
Not going to happen, only because staring into the chaotic abyss of shills, agents, and schizophrenics is far too entertaining.

>>23429216
Your a chud fiction, faggot!

I am relatively uneducated. I failed English in secondary school and never proceeded with further education. Despite this I've been writing for about two years and I reckon I've got quite a raw talent but I am concerned that I lack very basic writing skills/knowledge i.e a formative grasp of grammer and punctuation. I couldn't even tell you the difference between a noun and a verb. Besides the very basics I am quite an adequate writer.

What is the best way that I could perhaps learn to recognise and fix any poor writing habits that I might have?

>>23429176
>they called be transphobic.
You should leave that group and never look back. The sad truth is that they will probably get good paying gigs selling slop while you get scraps for your work of passion

>>23429510
YOu can look into like a GED equivalency class/test. Or just sign up to community college English classes.

>>23429510
>What is the best way that I could perhaps learn to recognise and fix any poor writing habits that I might have?

Read quality literature, read in the genre you want to write (if you want to write genre), read books on writing and advice from your favorite authors, and most importantly: start writing.

How do you get better at anything? Mostly, you do it.

>>23429490
>I have many basic story ideas and plots, but I am having trouble fleshing out those ideas well enough to have enough substance to commit myself to starting a project.
Then start writing bitch ass nigger. Do you think the plot will just come to you if you don't think about it?

>>23429512
Why is that sad? They deserve it, anon doesn't

>>23429512
The bigger issue than that group is that he's retarded and doesn't know how to diffuse a situation. If someone gives you feedback in a writing group that you don't agree with, you can just say, "okay, I'll take that into consideration" and then ignore it.
When someone says you aren't being inclusive and start talking about the viability of trans people, you're going to ruffle feathers.

If you don't like the group find a new one. If you overall like their advice, then learn how to not stir shit around them.

>>23428657
You're definitely a boomer, since you haven't discovered how to answer questions with Google yet. Try https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LitRPG

>>23429426
>Your eyes speak of moments away from
>here, of gaiety apart from a sandwich, of
>nights like tinkling forks in the dining car of a
>snowbound train
sounded to me the best, probably because it took my mind away from the subway part which i am not vibing with a lot. maybe if you would have made it about eating at a gas station or in a parking lot of a walmart it would have something more romantic and simple.

>Beep, it is done
and anything after that felt boring. idk. did not feel anything under the surface.

>Pried apart by hands enveloped
i like the word choice here.

i am not really someone for poems desu. but i guess i would like the vibe of something similar to yours. feels a bit like one of those pixel art gifs i sometimes see on youtube.

maybe it was missing some layers of romantization and the right kind of simple life vibe.

>>23429599
Thanks! I really appreciate it

>>23428637
I like/love it. Are there hidden messages? Should I reread it? Wilem de Wit = Protector of the Wit, is that intentional?

>>23429490
adhd meds can help with output. i have also heard some people can kinda tell sometimes if a piece was written on adderall. non idea how true that is. still worth the experience

>>23428844
You're not even the arbiter of what is and isn't worthy in your own room. Your mom owns you as long as you keep living in her house.

>>23429502
beta readers?

>>23429490
There is no coming back from losing one’s imagination, picrel is very much true
You cannot get it back - I mean you’ll probably still have ideas but that feeling you’re talking about
>Ideas would come quickly
>creative with a strong imagination
Once you kill that (with drugs, alcohol, depression, general atrophy) it’s gone forever

>>23428786
If you read up on memory encoding or integration, or the theory of learning in general, you find that rest periods are crucial for learning new things or working through new problems because your brain doesn't form many new connections while you're actively using it.

This is why epiphanies tend to come to us in the shower, while driving, while doing simple chores, while trying to go to sleep, or the day after a good night's sleep.

It's very important to take breaks when taxing your brain for this reason, and it's crucial that you stop using your brain during your breaks. Don't pull out your phone or launch a game because that's just switching your stimulus from whatever you're working on to whatever else you're focusing on.

You want to stop and let your mind wander. Zone out. Stop focusing.
Spend 10, 15, or 20+ minutes on this and then consider your task again and you may find that you have new insights or realizations. But you may not. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes it takes hours or days of letting your background processes in your brain toss ideas around before everything starts clicking.

PS: Meditation is the best for this, but proper meditation can paradoxically take a lot of focus to learn how to perform correctly.

>>23429490
>I used to text roleplay a lot as a young adult
This has very little in common with the writing of actual literature.

>Any anons here have advice for someone broken like me. I have ADHD, which also doesn't help, and wondering if going on Adderall will help.
Fix your diet, your sleep, and your levels of physical activity. If that still doesn't help, you're probably too far gone. Do some search on autophagy.

>>23429490
I once read a quote that went something like 'the process of improvement in writing can be described succinctly as the attainment of aesthetic sense.'
Whoever that nigga was, he is 100% correct. What you produce exists as a direct consequence of what you consume, so read widely. The reason you stopped being able to spontaneously and intuitively produce creative ERP propably has something to do with the fact that your active consumption of written work (cringe ERP) also decreased within the the same period (or a period anteceding).
If you want to get better, you'll need to get a feeling for what works and what doesn't, so read both good shit and bad shit while you write.
You can make it anon, it just takes time.

>>23429516
I do all of those things. I don't want to learn how to write. I can write pretty well and I'm not particularly bothered about colouring in between the lines I just want to know the "rules" so that if am breaking them, I am aware of it.

My fear is essentially that I like to write in a very elegant fashion but it can easily be let down and ruined because I wrote a word in the wrong tense or something silly like that

>>23429647
>depression
I had severe depression for 10+ years.

I'm in middle of writing a WN right now.

>>23429703
What’s a WN?

>>23429702
You're in luck then, because some very professional-sounding people have written rulebooks for the English language. They're called Manuals of Style!
If you're British or ANZAC go with the Oxford Style Manual. If you're anyone else, go with the Chicago Manual of Style.
When you're pirating a copy, try to get one at lest a decade old. All the important shit will be the same, and all the gay 'current year' shit will be missing.

>>23429703
>>23429720
Oh I just googled it - web novel

Sorry, I don't know where else to put this but I'm reading Color of Magic and I just can't make sense of this sentence
> and the way in which they sought constantly to understand in every possible particular the wondrous complexity of the Circumfence were turned into slaves, and usually had their tongues cut out
It's preceded by, "he told them". It's like the sentence is incomplete to me

>>23429734
give more context

>>23429734
it makes complete sense when you read the whole thing

>>23429756
so are the rulers of krull turned into slaves while tring to understand the complexity and then get their tongues cut out?
i am a bit confused about this as well. does the "high merit of muteness" have something to do with it?

>>23429676
Surprisingly you are very close to the truth. My interests were very cringe and I believe that a large part that fed into my depression was my old self dying and my new self despairing at what I once was. I have lost many friends because I no longer enjoyed the same things and I couldn't really understand why until recently. I do not regret this and I appreciate the advice. What do you suggest for the feelings of inadequacies when comparing your own work to that of legends. I can not help but feel like my work is worthless when I read grand epics like the Stormlight Archives and realize I will never be able to match it. I assume the answer is close to, "Shut up and write".

>>23429778
NTA, but don't write to get famous. Write to tell a story you want to tell.

>>23429734
>>23429756
>>23429776

Weird, I pulled up Colors of Magic and have a different excerpt:

Tethis sloshed a little as he nodded again. While the two men helped themselves to some more of the green wine, he told them about the Circumfence, the great effort that had been made to build it, and the ancient and wise Kingdom of Krull which had constructed it several centuries before, and the seven navies that patrolled it constantly to keep it in repair and bring its salvage back to Krull, and the manner in which Krull had become a land of leisure ruled by the most learned seekers after knowledge, and the way in which they sought constantly to understand in every possible particular the wondrous complexity of the universe, and the way in which sailors marooned on the Circumfence were turned into slaves, and usually had their tongues cut out. After some interjections at this point he spoke, in a friendly way, on the futility of force, the impossibility of escaping from the island except by boat to one of the other three hundred and eighty isles that lay between the island and Krull itself, or by leaping over the Edge and the high merit of muteness in comparison to for example, death.

I think you guys have an old, outdated version

It should be
> and the way in which sailors marooned on the Circumfence were turned into slaves, and usually had their tongues cut out.

>>23429724
That is absolutely perfect. Thank you very much.

>>23429786
thanks for clearing that up

>>23429676
>'the process of improvement in writing can be described succinctly as the attainment of aesthetic sense.'
>tfw you started with nothing BUT aesthetic sense and struggled with the mechanics of writing
>tfw you skipped "the hard part" and the only thing that ever holds you back is the time it takes to transcribe your ideas

>>23429676
>What you produce exists as a direct consequence of what you consume, so read widely.
Read other authors if you want to poison your own style.

I'm just doing hard grind and reading my own shit. I'm being objective about it. "Does this sentence fucking suck?" Yeah, it does. I fix it. Now it's better.

>>23429834
pyw

>>23429839
post yours, seether

>>23429087
I've seen you post a few times before. How do you do business. Just email you the script and you email it back or is there phone calls or how you work?

>>23429852
You send me a message on Fiverr and I send you back a custom offer that lets you submit any attachments, usually a .doc or .fdx, plus any other information you think I should know about the target audience, plot details, etc.

>>23429839
Already did.

>>23429748
Sorry, my bad. I didn't want to copypaste the whole passage but I probably should have
>>23429756
I am reading it but I just don't get it, it's like one sentence cuts into another. I thought my copy had an error. It's specifically that line I'm struggling to understand.
>>23429786
Thank you. That makes a lot more sense. I hadn't realised the book had an updated version. Dammit, I've been reading the old copy this whole time. I wonder what else is changed or made clearer. I spotted at least one "should of"

>read a bunch of history
>wanted to try to write a historical novella
>realize I know none of the day to day
I gotta do a bunch of research now, to figure out the day to day. My question is how strict/detail should I be, especially for a first work? I hope readers aren't expecting me to get seafaring logistics 100% right, otherwise I'm fucked.

>>23429906
Hence the maxim "write what you know". The alternative is to spend a lot of time researching. Better to write about something you've already spent years researching.

>>23429906
Verisimilitude and sensibility ranks about as high as that one account we have that everyone uses but sounds pretty weird when you think about it. Avoid blatant anachronisms and things that simply didn't exist in a given culture and you're forgiven for the worst of it. If there's a more or less known earliest date for something, some asshole will make a youtube video about how being within a decade or century is usually plausible, unless it absolutely isn't.

How do I write a good stream of consciousness in a non cringe way

Reading my own work out loud has fixed so many issues, you really get a better feel for the quality of prose when you speak it rather than just read it.

>>23429951
Nigger nigger faggot tranny bitch I’m so alone pussy pussy pussy hey a penny.

>>23429973
I said 'good stream of consciousness' not 'chud stream of consciousness'

>>23429906
i would say you should try to not be too cliche when being wrong.
however another advice would be to mabe get some things here or there especially right. so go deep where people might notice. they might have an easier time then accepting the not so well researched rest of it. also writing in an enjoyable way would probably work even better for that goal.

Are there any good map generators that account for things like geography and climate?
I'm super picky about that stuff but the only map generator I know of that actually takes that stuff into consideration is the Dwarf Fortress map generator and it's basically in ASCII. I'm prepared to just make maps in DF and translate them by hand into better software but I'd rather avoid it if possible.

>>23429510
I hold two master's degrees and still can't tell an adverb from an adjective. I just don't care. I make words form in my head and they come out when i tappity tap tap

Been thinking of writing a closet drama about two friends encountering a supernatural force in the woods.

>>23430148
Most adverbs are adjectives with a "ly" suffix. What are your masters degrees in?

>>23430159
Business admin and infosec

My fascist nazi landlords are making me take down my birdfeeders I've had up for 5 years. I'm going to write a short story about them and make them the main villains.

Click. Creak.

‘Thwip.’

“Huh?”

Silently, the elf girl behind me loosed an arrow through the crack in the door, which pinned the person attempting to enter in the night to the wall behind him. The arrow entered the stone… It entered the intruder, center-mass. His eyes were open; a knife on the floor at his feet.
>Context: She had been sleeping and he woke up to check the door

>>23430201
>Thwip

>>23430203
o n o m a t o p o e i a

I've always read sound effects should be set in italics.

>>23430171
Bird feeders lead to more bird shit in people's yards. The pigeons in my yard are absolutely relentless. I'd like to know who's feeding them, so I can smack them upside their head. So, without knowing anything about your particular situation, I find in favor of your landlords.

>>23430201
>enter
>entered
>entered

>>23430322
You never catch these things while you're writing them.

>>23430239
>Bird feeders? More like squirrel feeders.
Enter the titular hero, Ser Crispus the squirrel. Known for many things, but most importantly this particular squirrel hath a death wish. After perusing the bird feeders of yore, our furry companion likes to sprawl about on tall transformers perch'd atop the power lines causing a loud pop. Verily doth he explode, and into a thousand pieces as the electricity courseth through his body with such momentum.

>>23430239
That's not the point. My birds are very clean. What matters is my rights are being trampled. It's like 1984 all over again.

I've been interested in writing a spiritual manual for the modern age that has everything you could find in a standard Bible, Torah, or Vedic text. Something that can offer fulfilment to a modern thinker. Because I just don't think there will ever be a resurgence in Christianity, especially not after the internet becoming widespread. A revival of ancient European religions that cuts out Christianity, while including modern philosophy and marketable rituals. A new religion that would appeal to people for the next generation.

Contents will include
>Morality and understanding conflict
>Prayer or Meditation
Proven to be beneficial. Even if you aren't a believer, taking time out of your day to close your eyes and focus on your inner thoughts is essential.
>Philosophy
I understand that Christianity is essentially based on the Greeks already, but this will basically cut out all the old and new testament and focus directly on the Iliad and the Odyssey.
>Aesthetic
I personally want the focus on the ancient Indo European religion that predated both Rome and ancient Greece, while adding modern Vedic art taken from the earliest references of Hinduism. Since they are one in the same.

However, people love the shit out of Nordic Paganism and I don't blame them. So reinterpreting Norse Paganism with Indo European will suffice.

Lastly, I'll include some extra seasoning.
>Sacred Geometry
Just think these are neat and lets schizos contemplate on their meaning. They also go hand in hand with Vedic symbols. Nordic runes also compliment these.
>Wiccan/Druidism/ Nature Worship
Makes it more marketable to women. And worshipping nature is essential now that the Earth's well being is in our hands.

>>23429438

that's just the way british people look, fag

>>23430334
Also might wanna take a look at:
>which pinned the person attempting to enter in the night to the wall behind him
The words "enter in" is most often seen in the form of "you enter in here". Using "in the night" here sort of misleads the reader because they expect the sentence to go one way and tell you where the person was pinned:
>which pinned the person attempting to enter in the night

The sentence works well without it, but you might miss some detail:
>which pinned the person attempting to enter to the wall behind him

I'd also ditch "which" but that's personal preference.

>>23430397
Read some Karen Armstrong. You're in for a rough time if you think any of the Abrahamic religions are on their way out. They'll be problems for a few more centuries at least.

PS: Wicca and Druidism are related and share the same problematic recent history (being mostly reinventions since we don't have records of the original beliefs) and anything written about Norse Paganism these days is obligated to touch on how racist groups have adopted much of it and actively taint it to others.

With NTR being so popular, should I write NTR YA romantasy?

>>23430168
So what the hell does it matter here?

>>23430369
>but looks can be deceptive
One day as your landlord was by surveying the property, collecting his hidden camera tapes from the bathroom stalls, he accidentally left his convertible top down.
The ‘victim’ in this case was not, for he had a plan. Bird laxatives. The birds would naturally settle in the most expensive thing they could find, the landlord’s car. Bombs away, they squawked in unison, for their payload had but one purpose. Birdseed and bird laxative mixed to create a volatile concoction that once released would create a mess so heinous that his insurance company totaled his car. His increased insurance rates would be added to your monthly rent, naturally.

>>23430471
It doesn't. Someone asked.

>>23430458
Do non-Asian people enjoy NTR? English speakers are pretty vocal against it.

>>23430508
With all the BBC porn and literal coomers claiming it's the thinking man's fetish, I'm sure it's there

>>23430473
That's a pretty compelling story. I'd watch the made for TV movie version.

>>23430442
Anon...c'mon, did you really read my post and think "this guy is seriously trying to dismantle Christianity? Better tell him to stop before he disappoints himself!"

I'm simply drafting a proof of concept theology book. This is hardly controversial in this day and age.

I just see Viking larpers and wiccan girls staying popular while Christianity continues to decline in first world countries.
I like how people are practicing European paganism over Christianity. Even if it's half baked and poorly conceived. Even if there's nothing written doesn't mean you can't create more. Christian text has been a fucking hole in the modern era.

And ethno centric cultural rituals will come back. Accusations of racism can only go so far before people are tired of being called evil for wanting to have an identity unique to themselves and not immigrants.

>>23428884
Like a metroidvania?

>>23430397
Why ancient Indo-European religion specifically? Do you think it's uniquely and universally profound, or that it's suited to western culture specifically, or is it just about the sense of tradition, or something else?

>>23429069
Reads pretty mediocre to me, 2bqhw/u f*m

>>23429951
Here's how I wrote it.

A pile of ashes. Confusion. A stake on fire in a pile of burning ashes. Worry. Frightened faces. Eyes of terror. Anxiety. A burning torch. Pitchforks. Confusion. Humans. Village homes. Pitchforks. Terrified eyes. Disbelief. Fear. Terror. Indignation. Outrage. Anger.

Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. A terrified face. Red. A head. A man. A man. A man. A woman. A man. Pleasant warmth on hands. A man's back. A man with a torch. Eyes of terror. A searing pain in hand. Hatred. Liquid flowing down hands. Burning village homes.

Something burning. Fleshy bits. An itching on a cheek. An arm. Black smoke. A dirt road. An itching on a cheek. Blood. Sooty clawed fingers. The dirt road. The sky. Empty. Void.

>>23430719
Really, really, really bad

>>23429951
i've been trying to create (the basis for) a stream-of-consciousness narrative for one of my characters. this is the closest i've gotten so far (excuse lack of caps)
>it's a programmatic march down to the imperceptible which scares me. everywhere we grasp at edges falling, every edge an unknown sharpness. it could be an atomic point. it could be textured just enough to slow descent into the pit of dreams we spend our lives falling into. but for the end of dreams we slightly shrink therefrom away. it's only just a slight return. it's just the drain we circle, man. we all do what we gotta do. it's a a fight for our lives; for our right to stay awake and out of reach the clutch of dreams which lurk in every shaded corner, jump out from flanking hedgerows by which pass we on our way from someplace to another sompeplace else. it's a racket, man. it's a fuckin racket. we've got to wrest ourselves from the grasp of forces immaterial driving us to madness, to decorum, to slave away in labor mills producing tchotchkes, producing the desire for those tchotchkes, whatever. we've all got our own obstacles to overcome. mine is sight unseen. it's the grasping-at, the never-reaching, the never knowing if there's something even there. i'll reach anyway. what else do i have? what else is there in an ontological sense? or is it epistemology? does the difference have significance related to the living, breathing world of things in which our far-flung consciousnesses are trapped each moment by each passing moment? it's easy to escape the trancelike state in which is found the greatest state of interconnectivity. our divinity is what's at stake. we've got to find our way back beyond the manicured sensate-dreams we're sold by truckloads every waking moment. we've got to escape the dream, return to basic, causal being extemporaneously. it's the nexus and the furthest node. it's the life and dream together woven, seams of not-stuff weaving all a tapestry of being. i'm dead but already alive again.

>>23430722
Well, if you think so.

>>23430731
You should read more and watch less anime.
>>23430727
This is better, but also pretty whatever.

>>23430737
>You should read more and watch less anime.
No thanks, I think I will write instead.

>>23430740
>no, I have no clue what good writing is but I'm gonna keep my head buried in the sand so I never have to realize it
Let me guess. 5000 words a day?

>>23430742
I don't really care what you think good writing is.

>>23429834
"Your" style is still a product of your influences even if you never read a book. You didn't descend from Heaven, fully formed.

>>23430744
You don't seem to care what good writing is in general kek

>>23430747
>"Your" style is still a product of your influences even if you never read a book. You didn't descend from Heaven, fully formed.
I am aware, but avoiding consumption I also avoid stealing bits and pieces. I write in a style I know, without being able to point to any one source that could have affected it, whereas if I read 1984 and then wrote a government-centered dystopia, that'd be pretty obvious, wouldn't it?
>>23430748
(You)

>>23430753
>I write in a style I know
>Also this poster:
>Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. A terrified face. Red. A head. A man. A man. A man. A woman. A man. Pleasant warmth on hands. A man's back. A man with a torch. Eyes of terror. A searing pain in hand. Hatred. Liquid flowing down hands. Burning village homes.
>Empty. Void.

>>23430755
Anon asked for a stream of consciousness, I gave him a stream of consciousness. What are you exactly trying to imply?

>>23430758
More specifically, he asked for "good" SoC, written in a "non cringe way". You responded by posting a (really quite deliciously) completely self-unaware example of the literal essence of terrible, cringe SoC as written by someone without the slightest, barest lick of literary talent. You decided to die on that hill. I'm just helping you along with it kek

“Aye, this one’s headed ‘round the peninsula and over to the continent of Temet to the West. First stop in the Chaen Empire is a border town called, eh? What was it called?”

“Sothen.” One of his partners reminded him.

“Aye, Sothen. You want a ride?”

For a silver each, it was steep, but the trip was estimated to take four days.

>>23430761
Again, I don't really care what you think, anon.

>>23430755

>>23430766
>n-no, my cringe SoC is actually... le good!!!
I would again like to invite you to read a fucking book, nigger. It's very valid to avoid reading too much while in the process of writing... if you've already got a good handle on writing. You obviously don't. You're playing pretend. You think you're this great, unique talent that needs to conduct its brilliance in a vacuum. In reality, you're a complete beginner without the basic taste required to know intuitively that what you've just written is the bottom of the barrel dreck. It's the kind of thing you see in high school English classes. You need to go back to the basics and read the canon before returning. It's completely obvious that you have no idea about the conventions of the literary medium and, combined with a lack of talent, have somehow developed this sense of superiority from which you're for some reason giving advice.

>>23430772
Anon, I said that I don't care what you think. You are not the target audience, nor you are even the anon I replied to. Why should I care?
(You)

>>23430051
Chudhood is nothing more than a pure state of uninhibition. Chuds are characterised by being so rejected and disliked that they just stop filtering themselves according to social standards and achieve full cynicism and self investment. The lack of social interaction also lends itself to a rich internal monologue. You unironically could hardly find a better subject for stream of consciousness writing.

>>23430776
>You are not the target audience
Just so we're clear, the target audience is not composed of people who read?

>no i have to stop reading when i write because im afraid of being overly influenced
>*turns back to the other screen where he's watching anime for eight hours a day*

>>23430239
>extirpate native predators
>nooo why are prey species becoming a nuisance!!!
Gets more retarded every time

>>23430765
"So then what?" Anon interjected, incredulous at the dumb bullshit fantasy names which stand out in a bad way, his long penis fluttering in the wind.

>>23430789
They took a stop at your mom's house off in the Hilland Hills and verily did they plow upon her cabbage patch. For four days and for four nights did they plow.

>>23430787
Snibbity snab, I'm not reading that, anon.

>>23430797
For the record, this is what happens when a community stops gatekeeping.

>>23430799
You have a whole community of 4 people to gatekeep, anon. With quality posts like >>23430789 and >>23430795 to read.

>>23430801
>>23428610
>"Containment Thread" Edition
License to autism

>>23430753
That seems very arbitrary and limiting

>>23430813
>That seems very arbitrary and limiting
Perhaps, but it is what I choose for myself.

A pile of ashes. Confusion. A stake on fire in a pile of burning ashes. Worry. Frightened faces. Eyes of terror. Anxiety. A burning torch. Pitchforks. Confusion. Humans. Village homes. Pitchforks. Terrified eyes. Disbelief. Fear. Terror. Indignation. Outrage. Anger.

Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. A terrified face. Red. A head. A man. A man. A man. A woman. A man. Pleasant warmth on hands. A man's back. A man with a torch. Eyes of terror. A searing pain in hand. Hatred. Liquid flowing down hands. Burning village homes.

Something burning. Fleshy bits. An itching on a cheek. An arm. Black smoke. A dirt road. An itching on a cheek. Blood. Sooty clawed fingers. The dirt road. The sky. Empty. Void.

>Ah, my magnum opus...

Are we back to actual critiques yet?

>>23430823
Sure, critique this, please:
>The decor has seen updates. Dramatic dildonics adorn the hall, so many myriad members throbbing in sculpture out from the walls, sprouting from the floor—a veritable boneyard of penises—they come cut and uncut, trimmed and untrimmed, from every angle by which the eye might pass; penises light and dark, large and small, some curving sideways, others in helices reaching up in pairs of two, in triplicate or more, towards the now-darkened lamplights; some rakish penises angled askance, others laid low along the ground; veiny, smooth, hard, soft, every possible configuration of cock expressing some dick dreamer's unbounded gnosis, interred for all eternity—or what remains of it—in marble here, in granite there, some chrysoprase detailing on lacquered hardwoods—ebony, hickory, olivewood—streams of gold sprouting mock-molten from rosewood glans… there are chairs here whose peniform backings rise from cushions of bristling black boarshair, felted brown upholstery, bare alder, to droop lazily down upon the seated’s ostensible shoulder, the crook of its laconic wooden foreskin inviting rest beneath its shade, the embrace would be warm and caring, like sitting under a banyan at the height of summer… and, in the distant past, were one to sit upon one of these chaises, he or she might have listened at dusk, with the lights glowed down to incandescence, their timbre of campfire, to waters flowing gently perhaps, from the pièce de résistance, whose flaccid Greek proportions bely a sheer magnitude of scope—its descent from the high-vaulted ceiling, some fifty or sixty feet up, drags nearly its terminant foreskin across the lobby floor—emitting waters which once flowed steady, dribbled fits and starts, or gushed voluminous bursts into an ornate and embossed circular basin of immense proportion held low aloft by a dwarf colonnade in keeping with the finest of Ionian tradition, and whose facade entablature might have been carved by Michaelangelo himself… and which bears still a mysterious ammonic smell whose origin I cannot imagine nor postulate.

>>23430825
I'm not reading this.

>>23430825
>dramatic dildonics
great, ship it.

>>23430820
This feels like one of those Visual Novel sequences where the author wants to convey something plot-relevant with foreshadowing without telling the audience anything useful.

>>23430820
I loved the repetition. When you said anger a bunch of times, I really got the feeling that you were angry! The pitchforks were a nice touch. I really got the feeling that pitchforks were there. It's really evocative of the presence of pitchforks.

>>23430839
>It's really evocative of the presence of pitchforks.

>>23430838
You got the general sense of it, yes.

>>23430719
It doesn't feel like you're properly inside the character's head. When I'm confused I don't actually think the word "confusion".
I think this form might work better when you're very zoomed in on the action. Some of this is pretty abstract, more suitable for standard prose. (You could also try a mix.)

>>23430753
>if I read 1984 and then wrote a government-centered dystopia, that'd be pretty obvious, wouldn't it?
That's not a problem. This kind of originality is overrated and not what people are really after. If you didn't read 1984 and wrote something dystopian it's not unlikely that people will complain that it feels like you *didn't* read 1984, that you're clumsily retreading old ground without realizing that it's been done before. It's easier to be fresh if you're familiar with what's old.
It's also much easier to improve your technique by reading than by deriving it from first principles yourself. To become a good writer you have to both read and write.
You can do whatever you want of course.

is AO3 JUST fanfic? Is this what I waited a week for?

>>23430864
>I don't actually think the word "confusion".
Bold of you to assume it's a thought of a word, anon.
>it's not unlikely that people will complain that it feels like you *didn't* read 1984
If that's the complaint then I'd rather take it in stride. Sometimes the things I write come up in bits and pieces elsewhere. Hell, the backstory I outlined for one of my characters is also essentially the plot to a FOTM anime that got extremely high ratings. I'd rather clumsily retread old grounds with my own effort, than take the "be a $elling author!" cable car.

>>23430869
Not only fanfic, but also smut fanfic.

>>23430825
>tfw an ironic shitpost is better than your serious efforts

>>23430881
My serious effort got whopping 10~ views. My shitpost is currently at consistent 200 readers.

Life is just not very fair.

>>23430871
>I'd rather clumsily retread old grounds with my own effort, than take the "be a $elling author!" cable car.
Is this entire shtick just a disingenuous ploy to make the point that everyone who discounts the """"wisdom"""" enshrined in LE $$$ELLING AUTHOR will write garbage? Do you really have nothing better to do with your time?

>>23430881
I post it as a shitpost but it's a section within a serious (abandoned) work.

>>23430884
No, I have legitimate disdain for guidebooks written by anyone not coming from a place of success.

>>23430869
I have two original stories posted, they don't get quite the traffic as RR does.

>>23430888
nice trips. what 'fandom' did you submit them under?

>>23430887
Success in writing is such a fickle, luck-bound thing, it's farcical to put someone on a pedestal because of their paycheck. It's like a guy survives a lightning strike and then writes a book " how to survive a lightning strike" as if he somehow always knew it would hit him and had a strategy prepared just for the occasion. But somehow, the readers of his book just can't stop dying! How could that be?

>>23430929
"Original Work"
People here tend to read stuff tagged with degeneracy so go ham with the tags.

>>23430933
I am not assuming success because someone successful wrote about his success, but it has infinitely more value than some random nobody telling me how to be a successful writer when he has no success to speak of himself.

>>23430935
>tfw I don't write anything degenerate enough to apply these tags
maybe I should switch to smut

>>23430946
It's just internet points, write what you want. If you want some degenerate closet trolls to read your work add some filthy prose.

>>23429598
I asked here because I value the opinion of my fellow anons you stupid Gaylord

>>23431019
honestly, not knowing what litrpg books are is a good thing

>>23431019
Imagine if they turned your favorite JRPG or D&D campaign into a book, there you go.

>>23430871
>Bold of you to assume it's a thought of a word, anon.
I wouldn't have "confusion" as a thought, no matter whether it's verbalized. I might not even notice in the moment that I'm confused. It's an external description, not an internal experience. In this case it seems better to portray how it feels to be confused instead of jamming the word "confusion" in there. That's what stream of consciousness is about.
>I'd rather clumsily retread old grounds with my own effort, than take the "be a $elling author!" cable car.
I'm talking about writing well on a technical level, I don't really give a shit about bestsellers. Most of my favorite authors (whether they're published or writing niche webfic) seem very well-read and it really does let them write better fiction and give better shape to their own ideas.
If you care about your craft then it's a waste to ignore how other people do it. If all you care about is expending effort then I guess it doesn't matter but it feels like you do want to write well.

>>23430369
>My birds are very clean
No, they're shitting up a storm somewhere. Just because you don't notice it, doesn't mean your landlord doesn't.
>muh rights reeeeee
>nooooo it's a communist dictatorship dystopia
Wow. Drama queen much?

>>23430883
Fairness is the philosophical tooth fairy. Nothing is fair, and never will be. Grow up.

What are some ways a human higher up would subtly express racism and dissatisfaction at letting a nonhuman advance up? Enough that he cannot be accused of blatant discrimination.

>>23431160
By faulting him for things that no one else gets faulted for, or claiming he can't advance because he doesn't get along well with his peers.

>>23431160
Here's something I saw in a summary of a recent novel
>Wallace is a gay, Black student from a small town in Alabama who is enrolled in a PhD program in biochemistry at a predominantly White university in a Midwestern town. He is the first Black student admitted to the program in decades and is considering dropping out. The narrative starts shortly after one of Wallace's experiments (involving the culturing of nematodes) has gone wrong, and he suspects one of his fellow students of having sabotaged it. ... art of the recent trauma for Wallace is an experiment most likely ruined for him by a fellow White student, and when early in the novel Wallace is confronted with the likely sabotage of his nematodes experiment, he does not even try to make the case for foul play to his supervisor.
Failing to follow proper action so much that the nonhuman doesn't even seek retribution in a clear case of malfeasance.

>>23431160
Is this literal Naruto fan fiction?

>>23431175
It's the Itachi Novel

https://pdfcoffee.com/naruto-shinden-volume-01-itachi-shinden-book-of-daylight-vizcalibrev1dpc-pdf-free.html

today... i write

>>23431215
Tomorrow too?

>>23430528
I can promise you that if even 1/10th of the sentiment in this comment leaks into your book, it's going to be a tremendous failure. The market is already saturated with books pandering to rudderless alt right types in search of new ideologies to submit themselves to. As you say, Christianity is in decline in the developed world and the hundreds of millions of people that relied on it to tell them how to think and act have been actively searching for a replacement for decades. Which is why I recommended Karen Armstrong.

>>23428610
Best way to practice writing? Should I focus on short stories, novellas, novels? More pulp type shit or intellectual? Does it not matter?

I have tried to do a novel but end up changing my ideas halfway through and rewriting. So now I have a draft but going through it a lot of things are not good. Should you just focus on getting something out vs the quality?

With my writing, I constantly vacillate between
>this is alright
And
>this is unreadable garbage, what possessed me to inscribe this

>>23431365
Editing is very important, both as a way to learn and as a skill in its own right. It's better to write crap than to daydream about gold but once you do have a draft refining it is not a waste of time.

>>23431430
>It's better to write crap than to daydream about gold
No, it's definitely better to not write at all than it is to shit out some thoughtless, ugly garbage. The only people who tell you it's totally fine to just heckin write the dreck bro are the Steve King types who next will tell you to bro just kill your heckin darlings it's based. Editing is important, but having a solid first draft is important, too. It's less important if your life's dream is to write an airport novel. In that case, you should aim higher.

>>23431445
>You can’t learn to be a better writer by writing! If you’re not perfect from the start you may as well not bother!

>>23431347
Don't be so quick to throw all the negatives at someone's idea. This isn't helpful advice, or advice at all. Some of us aren't here to write a novel.

>>23431452
It's the mentality what you're trying to create, not the output, retard. If you practice being present and writing the best sentences you can, that becomes your habit. If your idea of practice is just sitting down and writing words, you're not really practicing the skills that make you stand out as a writer. If you practice by writing unusable words you'll just have to rewrite later, you'll get really good at writing a lot of garbage, unusable words. Is that your goal as a writer? You're going to have to write good words eventually, so why not just cut out the meaningless vomit step and focus on trying to write good words from the get-go? Yes, they will probably be shit anyway, but the intent is different.

>>23431464
Yeah man, don't forget, most people here are just trying to write Naruto fan fiction. We should be more understanding and accepting of the lowest common denominator.

>>23430653
>Do you think it's uniquely and universally profound, or that it's suited to western culture
Did you know that the Indo European religion is the source of both the Greek pantheon and the earliest Hindu gods?
Hinduism has a lot of material, but the earliest comes from what's known as The Vedics. And the Vedic texts influenced Buddhism.
I think our development was ruined with Christianity, an Abrahamic religion, that removes essentials such as ancestor worship and true spiritualism, in favor of absolutist authority.
and I want to (as a fun project, nothing serious) try to compile something compelling enough, and complete enough for someone to use as a guide for worship.

Religion emerges naturally from the hivemind of an ethnic and cultural group's imagination.
Naturally people in the 20th century are interested in Buddhism, and why is that? It's because it's sourced from our earliest religion, and whether you're aware of it or not, the values it expresses appeals to Europeans.

What I want is to include Nordic paganism because it's currently the hot item, include more Greek influence, include a dash of the vedics, and then sprinkle it with some Buddhism since it would be a distant but related bud.

>>23431489
Aw, little baby’s throwing a tantrum, now.

A pile of ashes. Confusion. A stake on fire in a pile of burning ashes. Worry. Frightened faces. Eyes of terror. Anxiety. A burning torch. Pitchforks. Confusion. Humans. Village homes. Pitchforks. Terrified eyes. Disbelief. Fear. Terror. Indignation. Outrage. Anger.

Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. Anger. A terrified face. Red. A head. A man. A man. A man. A woman. A man. Pleasant warmth on hands. A man's back. A man with a torch. Eyes of terror. A searing pain in hand. Hatred. Liquid flowing down hands. Burning village homes.

Something burning. Fleshy bits. An itching on a cheek. An arm. Black smoke. A dirt road. An itching on a cheek. Blood. Sooty clawed fingers. The dirt road. The sky. Empty. Void.

>Heh. Baby's throwing a tantrum. I'll just edit this later into good writing.

How many rape scenes can you have before it becomes too much?

>>23431529
For most publishers, a book is “novel-length” when it's between 50,000 and 110,000 words. At a writers conference I recently attended, publishing veteran Jane Friedman said 80,000 words is good for most fiction, below 60,000 isn't novel length territory, and above 120,000 is likely too much.

>>23431532
So you’re saying that 80,000 words worth of rape scenes is acceptable?

>>23431545
Only one way to find out.

>>23431529
>>23431545
1 is already too much
if you want to be edgy then it's pointless to ask the question even as a joke

>>23431502
Lmao There's a difference between telling me to study more, or suggesting a different approach.
Is another thing to simply dismiss the idea outright because "Christianity isn't going anywhere!"
The reply came off like some christcucks cope.

The one criticism that isn't valid is saying "there's no market for this". Because who the fuck are you to say it doesn't appeal to people? Media went to shit when we had people with this mentality that they ould dictate what everyone's tastes were. You don't know who the audience is.

I would accept if you said it was just a shit idea, or way out of my depth. But don't react in defense of Christianity, it's pathetic.

>>23431528
Really got to you, huh?

>>23431529
>>23431532
>Infinite jest (rape edition)

>>23431464
Recommending that someone demonstrating ignorance on their chosen topic and making excuses for racists study their topic and stop defending racists should be helpful unless your intention is to pander to racists with your own warped versions of established ideologies. Which is a popular concept these days and, as I said, the market is saturated. Such a work would be in competition with ghost written books being pumped out by every Fox News pundit and GOP member of Congress, plus all of the Evangelical literature.

And note that the audience for these topics is typically barely literature.

>>23431581
It's funny he's still at it, I was literally taking a nap before I write and he's still snibbing away at a phantom crab.

If he spent 5% of his snibbing time on writing instead, he'd maybe write something too.

>>23428610
Did most of the greats consciously practice the craft or is it supposed to come naturally as a result of reading and writing a lot for fun?

>>23431654
it's both

>>23431654
>fun
You don’t belong here.

>>23429438
I think he looks cool

>>23431654
People write what they like to write. Some are just naturally talented and have access to a good editor.
The rest of us suck.

>>23431445
I personally do try to make my first draft as good as it can be but I still don't see how writing nothing will get you anywhere. I meant to contrast bad words with writing literally nothing for your whole life.

>>23431509
I am aware and I think it's of tremendous historical interest but I don't really buy the spiritual relevance, not across thousands of years anyway. Religion is shaped deeply by its environment on both practical and theological levels, you're playing a very long game of telephone.
Western interest in Buddhism seems to focus on the most secularized forms, which makes me think that it's not really about Vedic roots. Western Buddhist values too seem a bit closer to Christianity than to anything in the ancient Indo-European mainstream (though my knowledge is limited).
This doesn't mean you shouldn't use it as your base. But it might mean that you should emphasize the historical angle, that you can't count on people automatically clicking with the value system.
(I could possibly be hooked in by something obnoxiously self-aware that disclaims spiritual truth and presents itself as strictly historical and psychological. But I'm probably part of a tiny autistic minority that's outside your target audience. So maybe don't listen to me too much.)

Critiques happening yet?

>>23431654
What I've gathered from the few essays some have written is that they intensely studied and internalized the mode and method of a greater, more classical author and worked towards how they did something more than what was done. Some obvious wide reading for contrast and general knowledge of how fiction works, but a deep dive into someone that touched them deeply.

The craft side is a lot of editing, mostly. There's a sense of taking what is natural or idiomatic to you, as opposed to an affectation, and honing it into something that does what you want it to. Like, you write like it's you doing a bit when you apply the lens of character and style, but it's superficial to your own character and style and not someone else's bit.

>>23431768
No, but we have a lot of snibbing, would you like to be snibbed downwards?

>>23431796
Snib me hard, baby! Ooh, yeah.

Was this general ever any good?

>>23431873
It had its moments, but bitter crabbucketeers seem to have exploded in population.

>>23431873
Yes at one point there were a few serious WIPs being developed and lots of newbies finding their feet with a good feedback culture. The crabs and pedantic arguments have always been here but they weren't always the meat of every thread.

Is this a good sentence?

The sun would see no more of that hideous day and shrunk beyond the horizon, flushing away any color along with it, and the dusk's blackness now made it impossible to hide.

>>23431887
Bad comma splices. Split it into two sentences.

>>23431887
I like the hideous day, but other than that, it's fairly standard. Unless it's supposed to be the big turning point, more significant than just the passing of time. In which case, you need some more in there for the sake of gravity.

>>23431890
Not a comma splice

>>23431887
>The sun had disappeared over the horizon, as if to bid adieu to this hideous day. With it went the color; as its hue faded to darkness.
>The sun had disappeared over the horizon, as if to say goodbye to this hideous day. The dusk's blackness closely followed, washing away its pale orange hue.

>>23428626

>>23428610
What's the best book/ressource to teach me how to write a good page-turner pulpy plot?

>>23431988
>teach me
Writing.

>>23431986
What kind of feedback are you looking for? As a layperson, it's fully readable. If you were to work on your sentence structure and introduce some variety in your wordplay, it could be better.

>>23432023
Not sure what I'm looking for. Just wanted to have the second draft evaluated.
>If you were to work on your sentence structure and introduce some variety in your wordplay, it could be better.
What would this look like?

>>23431992
I don't just want to upgrade my prose, I mean I'd like to also, but my first priority is to learn how to write good stories

>>23432041
Did I fucking stutter nigger? Write. Learn from your failures.

>>23431988
Unironically that "Techniques of the selling writer" book that gets shilled here sometimes. The dude who wrote it produced adventure pulp fiction, the mid 20th century equivalent of webnovel slop, and developed an effective method for writing it. With it as a reference, read in the genre. Personally I think Hammett is the best at the "page turner" aspect of these kinds of books, although I dislike his pulpy prose style.

>>23432051
Got it senpai ≽^•⩊•^≼
>>23432077
Kek, is that the writer of the famous novel "The Drums of (...)" that was made fun of last thread

>>23432090
I can only give you an additional piece of advice, which should be obvious, is to not get demotivated.

Unless you're a literal literary genius, your first drafts will fucking suck. Your first story will fucking suck. Your second story will likely suck fucking ass too. Your edits will suck, you will shitcan 10 or more drafts, that's fine.

I can safely say that after a year of writing almost every day, I am starting to see the effects of it. Write trash if you have to, but try to make it not trash always. Also ignore crab faggots around here, they don't write.

Here's a story a made about a week ago about a man from the USA in California that dies from a automobile accident and gets reincarnated in anime like fantasy world. I don't have anyone to prove read this also parts in this story are 18+ so be warned.

Prologue: So, to start this story my name is Calvin Mark. I live in the US of A in the state of California. I've been around here in the state for 20 years of my life. I used to live with my mom and dad and little sister but I don't live with them anymore. I used to go to school near where I live at but I already graduated and I'm trying to get a degree to become a game developer in the future since I like video games. I am a pretty perverted person when it comes to sex but I don't act on them IRL unless I'm at home watching adult videos that I don't jerk off to because I think it's weird to do. I got into them when I was younger on websites like New Grounds and other websites that got me into that stuff and I've been hooked ever since. I have seen some messed up stuff on the internet and it has hardened me for what to see from the real world. I'm not a lolicon or anything because I don't have any interest in little girls or any girls under the age of 18 because I know it's wrong. One time a girl moved in with her father who is only with her mother just moved by a few days ago she looked cute and looked about 11 and her mother came by and we talked about things like life, movies, books, and so on Since I like that stuff. Didn't ask her about video games because I know not that many females or grown females like video games. She did look nice and when she isn't looking I do look at her chest and her ass but only for a few seconds because I don want her to see me look at her that way. Also, I do have a thing for females with body hair, especially with those down there so I'm kind of a freak when it comes to that. (1/4)

>>23432090
>Kek, is that the writer of the famous novel "The Drums of (...)" that was made fun of last thread
Yes it is and I read The Drummers of Daugavo this morning because of that thread. It's bad but I actually think the philosophy with which it was written is suited to pulpslop in the hands of a more talented writer.

>>23428725
I dunno; I'm not a lawyer and I can't give legal advice. Change it to a chicken salad and give it a shot?
>>23429079
Follow your passions.
>>23429176
>Or at least find a writing group made up of people outside of college.
Do this, ignore them. Fucking /pol/, /fit/ and /k/ could produce a more viable writing group than a modern college, and I mean the absolute dregs of those boards.

>>23432107
>Your first story will fucking suck. Your second story will likely suck fucking ass too.
This is happening to me right now. But yes I will write more and more, until exhaustion, I have nothing better to do with my life anyway!

>>23432038
"[Character A]" She tugged [my braid] again.
*It's not a leash.*
>specify if this is a euphemism, asterisks instead of quotation marks?

I pivoted, my hair pulling through her nails.
>Hair slipped through her grasp would work as well
She had a perfectly neutral expression on her face. Dreaming in midday.
>She had a perfectly neutral expression on her face; dreaming in midday.

I felt a bit of my heart flutter in it.
>As I saw it, I had felt my heart flutter.

"Listen."
She tapped her cane against the floor. Attention was focused on her.
>"Listen," she said as she tapped her cane upon the floor. My attention had been focused on her.

"Imagine for me a date. In the nearby barrack, there's a collection of tapestries, like those at home." Her ring finger pulled the braid farther in. "In a few days' time, when we're both off." Breath warmed the ear.
>(forgive me) "Imagine a date. There is a collection of tapestries in the nearby barracks, like those we have at home." She said, as her ring finger pulled the braid further in, "In a few day's time, when we're both off."
>Her breath warmed my ear.

"There's wine there, a few instruments, a donated vase..." Her voice had changed its pitch, settling an octave up. "It's a perfect rendezvous spot for two lovebirds."
>"There is wine, a few instruments, a donated vase..." Her voice changed its pitch, settling at a higher octave, "It's the perfect rendezvous spot for two lovebirds."

Then, as if to burn the scene, her voice lowered and the cane dropped once more. Her wrist brought me in: "But it's not love. It's a monster's obsession. A *mission*."
>Then, as if to burn the scene in my mind, her voice lowered, and her cane dropped once more. Her wrist brought me close. "But, it's not love; it's a monster's obsession." (A mission?)
I can't do the whole thing. It has a lot of fun writing in it. I fully understand the scene and it's written well, it just needs a bit of polish.

>>23432114
>I used to live with my mom and dad and little sister but I don't live with them anymore
>I used to
>but I don't anymore

Terrible, terrible, terrible.
I don't have anyone to read my shit either before it's published. That doesn't mean YOU can't read your own draft.

>>23432114
Her mother does bring her daughter over to babysit since she’s got to work at a grocery store since she doesn’t have that much time to take care of her. They’re from Japan and have moved her from there to find a better opportunity to find the American dream. I talk to her daughter about her school and she says it’s boring. The mothers name is Miko, and the daughter is named Kazumi. Their last name is Kijo nothing much for me to say there. We talk about other stuff like the games she likes, amines like Dragon ball, One Punch Man, and many others that are popular around the world in not just Japan but in the US since we have subtitles and dubs. I’m kind of a nerd when it comes to stuff like that and I’m pretty skinny and low build. I’m American and white with dark, medium hair. Not the kind of guy that’s a ladies man but I know how to talk to females just fine since I work at a old school gaming store that has females come over to ask about games. In school I wasn’t very social. I did have a few friend. I did have a girl that was friend not my GF in middle school. She was pretty tall and I do like tall girls and still do to this day. People would make fun of her for being tall and I would defend her but get beat up by bullies for defending her. She did come to help me up when I was down and we talked about different things at the time that people liked. I do look up things on the internet like Doujins, Hentai, and other stuff like rule 34 of characters I see on the Animes I doing sexual things that turn me on. I am a virgin which is a drag but I’m not in a rush to have a sex. I’m just waiting for the right moment for that to happen. The tall girls name is Marie Daltz and she’s from Germany from a state in the west. Pretty much a place that’s close to the east side of Germany that was near the Berlin Wall when the Soviets took over the east side of Germany. Not a guy that follows politics but it just interest me to learn about history and how it transformed the world we see today. When I talked to her I was pretty shy to talk to her and when I talked to her I would get a erection which was my first time I had and was wondering why that was happening. When she saw that she just laughed and knew that I was a growing boy at the time. We do stay in contact in video games like on Steam on PC and gaming consoles like Xbox, Nintendo, and PS5 that I have at my home. Also she’s blonde which was my type of girl I like and I wonder If the hair down there is the same as her long hair on her head. Never asked her because I felt like If I did that she would tell everyone at school that I was as pervert and I would forever be seen as a outcast. I do have other friends like Nathan, and John. They’ve been friends with me since Elementary school. They’re pretty cool guys. We played games on our PSPs at the time like Monster Hunter and killed monsters for skins to upgrade our weapons. (2/4)

>>23432122
My first story sucked so bad i took the notebook I wrote it on out to the dumpster in the alley behind my house and tossed it in. I was like 8

>>23432122
>This is happening to me right now
It is what it is. Learn why it sucks and don't make the same mistake.

>>23429490
Anon, just do it.
Turn off the video game, get away from the internet for anything but looking up relevant info and just write, and when you aren't writing, try reading.

>>23432126
It was such a blast for us at the time. We did talk about girls and what kind of attributes we like in a girl. We did invite Marie over and it was pretty awkward since there were 3 guys including me. Nathan has glasses and is from somewhere in South America, while John has no glasses but is from France. We talk about games and Marie is kind of a tomboy since she likes things that boys like. Like video games, anime, cartoons, and whatnot. She would talk about the differences in culture in her country compared to mine like the difference of races of people, racism, hairstyles, rules, and what not boring stuff that I didn't understand at the time. She's pretty smart and does wear glasses which she thought didn't look good on her but I told her she looked cute with them. She blushed when she heard that and said thanks. In High School, I started to grow up a bit more and still had my friends but we were busy a lot so we barely had time for each other. Marie was still with us and had started to grow up from puberty. She had bigger breasts and a bigger ass that guys took attention to her but she just told no to anyone that wanted to date her since she wasn't interested in a relationship. After finishing High School I got my Diploma and moved out of my parent's house and moved to San Francisco since I liked the place after playing Driver: San Francisco on the Xbox 360 since it was the console I played a lot of when I was in elementary school. I got an apartment and went to historical landmarks like Alcatraz since I read a book about the history and a fictional story that talks about kids that lived on the island it is true that kids lived there but they didn't go near the prisoners. My sister who is 2 years younger than me and is named Poline Mark isn't someone who likes me since she caught me watching perverted videos online of XXX content. When she saw that she ran away and didn't talk to me. She didn't tell Mom and Dad thank god because I would have been grounded from the internet forever. She was like 12 at the time and didn't know that I was growing up and being more interested in the female body.I went to her bed and told her about what happened and she understood but still doesn't talk to me a lot. Sometimes we talk a lot but not that much now. She has brown hair just like me but she has short hair that makes her look like a boy. People at her school confuse her as a boy and would get into a rant on why she isn't a boy. She kind of looks like a girl from an anime I watch. She kind of looks like Caska from Berserk but she's more white-skinned instead of dark-skinned. She does have friends and would talk about boys and other cliché stuff that girls at her age would talk about. She would talk about her crush on a boy she likes at school but would only tell it to me because she thought her friends would gossip about it to other girls. I didn't tell the guy because I'm a good big brother and I keep my promises. (3/4)

>>23431881
>crab(bucketeers)
>>23431882
>crabs
Fucking NPCs, man.

>>23432127
Ahah, I still have the stories I wrote when I was a little kid too because it's on a very old laptop, it's so short and shitty

>>23432148
I'm not much of a fighter but I do like firearms. I like using weapons like pistols, shotguns, and rifles like the AR-15. I go to my local shooting range to try them out and it's pretty nice to use them since I'm an American. Gotta love the Second Amendment. I don't use them to hurt people I only use them for self-defense when I need to, but nothing bad happened to me since I moved out of my parent's apartment luckily.There was one robbery attempt that happened but my father scared them off with his rifle but didn't want to kill them unless they had guns, or melee weapons, and were charging at him. He did call the police but the guys were never caught.Lucky bastards. I do have a lot of money in the bank but I save it up to get new things like a new gaming laptop, the latest gaming consoles, accessories for my PC and consoles, Livestreaming, and other important stuff I need to survive. I know how to make my firearms and it's legal to make them I just need to do a background check to make sure I'm good. I did get violent once on someone at High School because he was groping Maries butt which got me mad and I just hit him with rage even though he was taller and older than me I wasn't thinking straight. I got sent to the principal's office and I was let go my parents asked what happened and I told them about what happened and respected me for defending her and so did my sister who respected me more. I like listening to old-school music from the 2000s like Does It Offend You Yeah, Cellwelder, Jimmy Eat World, Disturbed, and many other bands from that decade. I like listening to old music since my father introduced me to old music when he was a Veteran in the Gulf War like 80s rock and roll, rap, and house music. Music like Faith No More, Guns and Roses, NWA although I don't say the N-word when I'm around my friends or people of a certain race I keep it to myself, and many other songs that were popular at the time. I listen to mostly music I play video games like NFS, Forza, Gran Turismo, and Midnight Club that I play in games.My grandfather used to serve in Vietnam and got shot a few times but survived. Did get PTSD but I do visit him and he would talk about his experience being there and talking about the things he has seen there like Vietcong and NVA hiding in trees shooting at him, traps, tunnel systems, and him being a tunnel rat. He's killed a few people but what he thought he was doing was for was right for his country at the time. I don't blame him since that's what he thought at the time but now he doesn't support wars that the US don't have any reason to be involved in unless they have a good reason for doing it. (4/7) added more because I thought I had more space.

>>23432152
it was some kind of a goonies fanfic starring me

>>23432156
For me, I read books about history and manga that interest me.Also, hentai I get online, and when Kazumi comes over I just hide the hentai comics under my bed to make sure she doesn't see them because she's pretty young and I don't want her to see that stuff and tell her Mom that I'm a pervert. She did say that she liked someone but didn't want to say who understood that and didn't ask who it was. A few days later she confessed that she loved me and I was embarrassed and told her that I liked her too but not in that way since I was older and that there are laws against this kind of thing.She understood and cried when she heard me say that but a few days later we still kept talking about things that I talked about above. While I was telling her that I did tell her that just because I don't date females and work at a game store where there are mostly kids with girls sometimes doesn't mean I'm a lolicon. So my life story is done now, to begin with how my life changed for the worse. I was just minding my own business walking to work in my European car. It was a bike I drive like those bikes that American bikers drive it's Japanese. I'm on my way to work and out of nowhere a truck comes out of nowhere from the intersection of where I'm driving and crashes into me. I did have my helmet on but I forgot to strap it in so it came off pretty easily and knocked my head pretty hard. People came around me and I was still conscious but still bleeding a lot from the head. An ambulance came while I was trying to cling to life. I was given live support in the back of the ambulance and I started to drift off after that my eyes started to slowly close and a few minutes later I woke up in another world. (5/5)

>>23432152
>it's so short and shitty
Thats what she said.

>>23432163
Schizo, unless the lack of breaks are unintentional, in which case, you're the schizo.

>>23432124
Thanks for that advice. I will look over the drafts I made for the next chapter I will look over them when I have the time. Thanks for the brutal honesty.

>>23432174
The only thing I have to add is that I don't want to read tl;dr on some guy's entire fucking life, especially if he's about to get truck'd and sent to some shithole where he'll buy slaves to fuck.

Pertinent information or cut it out. "I am a chemist", "I am a biologist", "I am a retired soldier", "I am a worthless fucking nobody" may be a pertinent information. "I like Disturbed" isn't.

>>23432151
I don't think you understand the NPC meme as well as you think you do.

>>23432184
That's how I did the isekai I'm currently working on. He was an office worker. I didn't elaborate.
He's not going to spend 30 chapters cultivating rice or looking for this world's version of onions sauce. He's not going to use his magical god-given dick to slay the evil pussy in World B

>>23428610
Any of you worked as a reader or editor for a writing competition? Any secrets to spill?

>>23432123
Thanks, man. The asterisks mark italics. In
>It's not a leash
it marks internal thought.
In
>a *mission*
it marks emphasis.

>>23432207
I see, I thought the braid was his cock the way it's denoted in brackets.

I'm about to take the litrpg pill bros....

>>23432226
read min-maxing, it's kinda good.

>>23432222
Provides context the excerpt lacks.
Unedited, it would just be, "She tugged it again", following some earlier portion of the scene where her hair-pulling is first established.

>>23432226
Is the free money and readers really worth it?

>>23432240
It's a really fun scene

>>23432247
Tells me I nailed the perspective.
I pity [B]. Perfectly correct for the scene, but I really feel for her.

>>23432226
Me too, but at the same time... I can't be bothered to actually read litrpg stories to understand their tropes. I tried Defiance of the Fall and man, what the fuck is this shit. How can anyone prefer this to normal fantasy/sf? This is the definition of slop

>>23432226
This genre seems so fucking retarded to me. Tabletop RPGs were a gameification fantasy books. So then the nerds who never really read book decided they just couldn’t relate to stories unless they were injected with stat sheets? That’s like throwing a slice of Kraft cheese on a filet mignon so it can seem more like a McDonald’s cheeseburger and be palatable to a child … or a retarded adult.

>>23430636
It’s more like this: the MC collects enough of a curio, thus unlocking a weapon or tool or armor based off of said curio with unique effects.

As a result, the MC’s latent monomania is given a terrible outlet to manifest through.

Is this sentence grammatically correct?

>Something that the only reminder of which is hidden away in a far corner of the town’s only cemetery, surrounded by unkempt weeds and knee-high grass.

It's the "only reminder of which" part that doesn't seem right to me, but I'm not really sure how else to word it.

>>23428610
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_qoW-bZX6E

Made a poetry style script for this video, idk feel free to judge it.

>>23432291
Try reading just a regular isekai light novel like mushoku tensei and skip these western authors, then if you really like it ease into the genre.

>>23432322
Yeah, it's ungainly. How about:
> A reminder of something, hidden away ...

>>23432335
Mushoku Tensei is literally a normal fantasy.

>>23432395
So is any litrpg if you just take away the character's levels.

>>23432291
I don't read it either, I'm just slapping some stat windows and video game terminology into an otherwise normal sci-fi slop

>>23432322
It is neither correct nor pleasant to read. The other guy's suggestion was good, but perhaps we could do better with more context. What are the sentences before and after that one?

>>23432406
Which makes me question why litRPG exists as a genre.

>>23432187
LOL whatever, bot.

>>23432419
You’re an old man who can’t appreciate that some genres aren’t meant for you.

>>23432453
There's basically no difference between a litrpg and a basic fantasy. Some litrpgs dont even have levels in them, just copious amounts of internal dialogue.

>>23432453
I'm not old.

>>23432410
Do you really have to tag litrpg to make a few bucks? I mean, if it wasn't labeled in this genre, you think it would "perform" less? Makes me think it's the equivalent of the furry porn for /ic/ crabs

>>23432448
Do you know what an idiom is?

>>23432476
Your the idiot.

>>23432521
I don't even know who's baiting who anymore.

>>23432466
It’s just a fantasy novel but with lazy structural devices to describe how jacked your level 500 orc paladin is or how he can swing his balls around like a flail and kill an average man in armor with them.

>>23432557
And lo, he grinded rats in the old woman’s basement for some eight months until he unlocked the “iron balls” perk.

>>23432638
And upon attaining Iron Balls, he used his great big meaty balls to batter kobolds until at last, through great effort and by clearing many mine shafts he learned that they could cast "Holy Strike" to defeat a Goblin Shaman in but one mighty swing of his sac.
But alas... THAT is another tale.

>>23432294
>So then the nerds who never really read book decided they just couldn’t relate to stories unless they were injected with stat sheets?
It took on a life of its own.

Before the thread dies I want to update and say I am working on my story tearing my nazi landlords a new ass. I doubt they'll read it though.

Keep in mind this bird feeder nonsense comes right after they tore out the community gardens and replaced it with astroturf while saying it makes it easier to "connect with nature".

I doubt they'll read my scathing exposé though.

>>23432719
If you don't like it then move off his property.
And don't worry, like everyone else, he won't read it.

>>23432732
I've been here longer. The property was taken over last year by some out of state yuppie company that has no respect for their tenants. They started charging a garbage fee, then don't pay it to the city, so the trash piles up for 3 weeks. Believe me, when I do move out I'm putting this into a 1 star Yelp essay to warn others. What I'm doing now is basically a rough draft.

>>23432739
That’s nice. I’m selling my house as-is to some yuppie developers and moving to a nicer one.

>>23432770
How much? I will take your old house, assuming it is near me (Oregon).

>>23432785
I’ll pay $1 more than whatever he offers.

>>23432785
80,000 really IS my bottom dollar and it's in a rural town in western Tennessee that's almost three hours away from any large city.
I'm moving to get closer to work since there's fuck all for welding here.

>>23432796
It's on a quarter acre of land with fruit baring trees (Black Walnuts, figs, peaches and apples) blueberries, strawberries and service berries are already growing on it; and there's no HOAs, so you can do all the community gardening you want.

>>23432796
I'd pay 80k but I don't want to live in Tennessee. If you ever sell a house in Oregon or Washington hit me up.

>>23432830
Okay.
I'm only doing this because the thread's near dead anyway.

>>23432825
Why they gotta be BLACK walnuts?

>>23432415
It's the last sentence in the paragraph, and I haven't started the next paragraph yet, but the previous sentence is
>Something that the old timers still talk about over a cup of coffee at The Downtown Cafe, and that the highschool kids concoct urban legends about to this day.

>>23432925
Anon is in the good habit of painting a vivid picture with his writing. You don't want to say "the criminal pulled out a gun." You want to be specific and say he pulled out a 9mm Glock with the safety already off.

>>23432732
You can spot a bootlicker a mile away.

>>23432825
That sounds nice. A quarter acre is cramped as hell, though. Especially somewhere like West Tennessee. If I moved somewhere that far out I'd want it to be 1-3+ acres with no sign of any neighbors.

I've been considering moving to the Applatchins for a while because the Great Plains are set to turn into a desert as average temps keep climbing.

I just revised my chapter. Got it up to 2000 words, up from 1200. Feels good to add details and atmosphere to it.

>>23433000
Details and atmosphere? How about something that advances the story?

>>23433009
It does that too, don't worry. My method is I go through and write the bear minimum that is almost like a skeleton draft, then when I know all the pieces are where I want them, I go back and add meat to the bones.

>>23433036
>He has to revise his work.
Yeah, you’re never gonna make it.

>>23433055
It's mostly just making it sound better
>He laid on his bed, drowsy from the spaghetti dinner.
>He laid on his bed. The half pound of pasta was a powerful sedative.

>>23432943
This and the other line is really not nice to read and it is funny that all of the issues could be hashed out if you read some poetry. Poetry teaches you to both use words purposefully and not use words without a purpose.

Like this
>Something that the
You write this twice, it's so basic but so horrible to read 1. because 'that the' just sounds retarded 2. What is the purpose of 'that'?
The whole thing would read better like:
>Something which the old timers still talk about over a cup of coffee at The Downtown Cafe, and that the highschool kids concoct urban legends about to this day. The only reminder of which is hidden away in a far corner of the town’s only cemetery, surrounded by unkempt weeds and knee-high grass.

>>23433163
I would go one step further.
>Something which the old timers still discuss over a coffee cup at The Downtown Cafe

"coffee cup" has a nice alliteration vs. "cup of coffee"

>>23433303
>>23433303
New thread.

>>23433198
cup of coffee has both alliteration and assonance
if you shorten it make it cuppa' joe

>>23431676
>no fun
you don't belong here

>>23431873
It's a containment thread, to prevent this failed-bucket-crabbing from spreading all over /lit/. Always has been. Having said that, it's best to wait until Frank passes out from the pills and the booze. Then things improve noticeably around here.

>>23432541
Everyone. And sadly, they're neither master baiters nor cunning linguists, no matter how much they'd like to pass themselves off as such.

>>23430369
>>23430788
I didn't mention that the pigeon problem in my backyard has gone down significantly lately, proportional to the size of the catnip plant I'm growing.

>>23429438
what are you a 16 y.o girl? or too poor for a tripod

>>23433874
ok boomer. never heard of a selfie?

Continuation thread when!?!?

>>23432466

>try write a litrpg
>get an idea for a conventional fantasy story on the side
>write that instead
>it ends up actually developing some depth and meaning
>really like it and want to see where it goes
>55k words in now
>already know it won't get a fraction of the attention a litrpg would and I should just set it aside
I want to fucking die

>>23433902
yeah its that holding a square in your face thing that women do in the bathroom